Ep 026 My Top 5 Unfiltered Valentine’s Day Thoughts: Advil is More Romantic Than Flowers

💌 Happy Valentine’s Day, Party People! 💌

In this special Valentine’s Day episode, I get real about what love actually looks like—the grand gestures, the small moments, and why flowers don’t mean sh*t (well, sometimes). From the most romantic act I’ve ever experienced (hint: it involved a bodega and a rainstorm) to why I willingly get scammed by the commercialized love-fest that is February 14th, we’re unpacking it all.

But let’s not stop at romance—because let’s be honest, love is so much bigger than candlelit dinners and overpriced roses. We’re talking about the power of platonic friendships, why relying on one person to fill every emotional need is a disaster waiting to happen, and how checking boxes in dating apps might actually be sabotaging our love lives.

And, because I can’t help myself, we’re throwing in some Say Anything nostalgia, the rebel move of staying optimistic in love, and how my daughter schooled me on the real meaning of Valentine’s Day with 27 hand-drawn high fives.

What’s Inside This Episode?

💔 The truth about flowers vs. real romantic gestures
💡 Why platonic friendships are the backbone of lasting love
📋 Are dating checklists ruining romance?
🎬 A nostalgic nod to ‘80s rom-coms and what they got so wrong
❤️ The real rebel move: staying optimistic about love

Links & Resources:

🔗 Read my article on the power of platonic friendships – Women Thrive Magazine (Sept 2024) – Page 12-14

Call to Action:

💬 I want to hear from YOU! What does Valentine’s Day mean to you? Is it a celebration of love or just a reminder of what’s missing? Drop me a DM, comment, or share your story using #SheTakesTheLeadPod. And if you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review on your favorite podcast platform.

🎙️ Stay bold. Stay optimistic. And if you must get scammed, at least do it in style.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves. I adore your guts. ❤️

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Transcript

00:05.90
 
Hi, party people. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you're having a great day. I love Valentine's Day, so I'm doing a Valentine's Day special episode. Today is February 14th.

00:16.80
 
And I am celebrating. I'm in my red, a little blue, because that always looks nice. I put on a little lipstick for everybody, and I'm here for it. So today is my unfiltered Valentine's... Today, I share my unfiltered Valentine's Day thoughts for you. So number one, flowers don't mean shit.

00:45.11
 
I understand that it's a gesture and I'm sure there are plenty of people that totally agree with me that flowers don't mean shit. But when I say that, I'm saying I was with somebody, this was a while ago, I was with i was dating somebody, we'd gone out like 10 times. I mean, we'd gone out a nice number of times, never had sex. um Something wasn't quite off. He was solidly like a good guy. He you know he was really he he had all the things. you know He checked all my boxes, those those silly little boxes.

01:18.39
 
and he But something just wasn't connecting us. um it's I'm sure that's why we didn't have sex, because just something was not connecting. And I didn't quite understand why. And he didn't really seem to want to, which was another kind of question of like why. So um anyway, he was lovely. i'm not I'm not saying anything disparaging about him. He was really like a nice, nice man. Cute, funny, Jewish, like smart, ambitious, like all the things. um But it just didn't gel. However,

01:50.69
 
We were dating around the time of Valentine's Day and um we didn't go out on Valentine's Day. I had plans with my friend on Valentine's Day as I had.

02:02.33
 
often and um he sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen. like They were stunning. i mean He had a beautiful eye. he I found out later that he had gone specifically to the floors to pick out the colors that he thought I would enjoy based on me describing my apartment. um He was into interior design as am I. and like had clearly listened to what the colors I had recently chosen because I've kind of redecorated um and chose those colors. I mean, so much thought and care went into this and I could absolutely like

02:43.86
 
appreciate that, you know, and it was so wonderful and I felt wonderful, but it kind of left me cold, like dry. It just, well, that's quite the expression, but you get what I mean? Like it just didn't really do it for me. On the other side of that, I once went out with a guy. We were on a date. We were at a restaurant and I really was into him. Like I was really into him. I was hot for him and And i'd I'd had a headache. you know like I started getting a headache and I was like, it wouldn't shake. And I didn't have any like Advil or ibuprofen or or Tylenol. And Tylenol never really worked for me. I mean, cut to now I get migraines. And he literally stood up, said, I'll be right back in the middle of a rainstorm, sheets of rain. I don't know if you've ever seen like

03:37.84
 
maybe in the movies or if you've been to New York and it's raining or if you're from New York and it's raining, like when the rain hits in sheets on the on the pavement of New York, it's a very specific um experience and it just floods like that. So, and he went and got me

03:58.76
 
Advil from like a bodega two blocks down. And it was the most romantic gesture to this day I have ever experienced. um The thought, the kindness, the whatever, it just was so thoughtful and it made me feel so cared for. And um that was the most romantic gesture I've ever experienced. And so I'm not saying to all those potential men that I'm dating, I might date out there, not to buy me flowers, they're lovely, but it really is.

04:29.18
 
it's excuse me, it's in the gestures, it's in the action, everything is in the action, you know, it's in the, it's in the, and then it's in the chemistry. I mean, his, and actually, that's not true, because his gestures were, were right there. But it's really in the like, your, your feeling behind it, not his, but yours, you know, like, I appreciated that. And maybe that was it. Maybe that's why that hit so much harder than the flowers, I guess, because I cared. That's terrible, but not. um I will say the next one with bold enthusiasm.

05:05.98
 
Valentine's Day is a scam and I am happy to be scammed. Yep, that's it. Valentine's Day is totally a scam. It's totally a marketing ploy. It's all about the money. And I am totally happy to be scammed up one side and down the other because I love it. Because I think it's great. And I think, and here's the thing, it I think that the real punk rock move when you are single especially if you've had your heart broken, is to be optimistic that love still exists and that you still experience it and can still experience it in that intimate way. I think that that's that's the that's the rebel. I think that's the rebel move, is that regardless of what you know in your mind or even in that you've experienced in your heart, you have hope and belief that there is something

06:02.95
 
more out there and that there are that there is more love out there. you know and i think that that is um that's what I strive for when I'm having, you know, when I'm feeling pessimistic. I mean, I'm like a little pathologically optimistic intentionally, not just like unintentionally, because I feel like I can, earlier in my life, I think I really went towards the pessimistic and I just didn't, I don't want, I didn't want to be that woman. And since I do have the choice about what kind of woman I am, I chose that. So yes, Valentine's day is a scam, but fuck it. Scam away, baby, scam away.

06:44.16
 
That's why I'm in my red with my lipstick and all the things because scam away. um The other part of that is that why does Valentine's Day have to be fucking for intimacy? Like, did we really need to separate Valentine's Day and Galentine's Day? I mean, I enjoy Galentine's Day, go out with my girlfriends, et cetera. um I go out with my girlfriends on Valentine's Day too. but is it Was it necessary to separate it? I understand Valentine's Day is supposed to be like that intimate one you love, but why? Like, can't we evolve it into this? You know, but Valentine's galentine's Day, Palentine's Day, whatever you want to call it. I don't know why they can't all be in the same, that same day. I mean, they should be every day, of course. But, um you know, my platonic friendships, ah here's the thing.

07:37.96
 
In my marriage, I put everything on him, everything romantic, everything, like all the love that I needed to be filled up, I really put in his in his hands. and And not only was it miss a mistake, it was kind of unkind to him.

08:06.09
 
because that's impossible. And that's why I think platonic relationships are so important. That's why I think female friendships when you're a woman are so important. I think male friendships when you were a um woman are also so important. um But these are your, so yeah, so all of these platonic friendships are really they're the ones we should be celebrating as well, you know, because my next relationship or my previous relationship since that one big relationship, um I don't need them to fill every bucket. As my daughter says, I filled your bucket. um I don't need, um I don't require, I think, or at least I try not to require them to

08:56.49
 
Fill everything because it's not fair and also it's not a it's not possible like what your intimate partner can fill and I understand the like that You know when you've been with someone for a long time in that kind of relationship They become your best friend that if they even if they if they didn't start that way like they become your everything, but I think that proactively It's important especially as women um to make sure that those other, um that those needs are filled by multiple people. If you want, I actually, I wrote an article. I was i really enjoyed writing it and i and i and I got the message through. It's about platonic friendships and about the power of platonic relationships. um It's in the September issue of Women Thrive from 2024. If you want to go check it out, I'll put it in the show notes too. um The next

09:53.37
 
thing of my list of unfiltered Valentine's Day thoughts is, I guess it's more of a question. Is checking boxes a new thing? I mean, I know we all had requirements before online dating and swiping, but we're checking the boxes. Is that like a new thing sort of? Is that like, um,

10:18.76
 
you know you have a list of of requirements of no deal breakers. right like My deal breaker was having kids. And maybe that was the problem, is I didn't have the boxes. um And he checked plenty of the boxes. Don't get me wrong. um it He was lovely until it didn't, you know until we just disagreed. But um the the the thing is that before you know before we got movies, before we had movies and love stories that ended with the you know happily ever after and the sunsets, right? um The stories of romance are pretty modern, I think. I mean, Shakespeare, like, yeah, I guess, no, stories of romance are not, have been on for through the ages of finding great love. But though the, this is the thing,

11:13.81
 
the The ones that really pierce you, the mostly, the stories for me at least, that really pierce me of what quote unquote great love is, are usually tragedies. You know, like Romeo and Juliet, it's just like it's heartbreaking that these two kids can't be together, but they're 13 years old. Do you think they're gonna be together forever? Probably not. That was unrealistic. I mean, and then, you know, um what is it? Say anything? Like if my kid, if my daughter came in and was like,

11:44.03
 
This is Lloyd Dobler and he's my guy and he was like, I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to purchase anything. and I don't want to sell anything. and I don't want to buy, purchase, sell anything that's not that manufactured. like The whole bottle log, I'd be like, what the actual fuck is happening right now? I mean, he might be a great kid and I might get over it, but I also might be like, oh, the hell you say you're going to go out with him again.

12:06.80
 
I loved that movie so much. And that boom box move, if you don't know what I'm talking about, it means you're not a Gen X or maybe a millennial, but definitely it means you're younger than Gen X. And if you don't know that movie, you need to go watch that right now. um But the truth is like I didn't I don't really recall having boxes back in the day. Like the boxes really started after my heart was broken. So that's maybe why that is. It's like a defense mechanism. Yeah, it's a defense mechanism.

12:36.00
 
And um when I ah started online dating and and somebody actually asked me to write down what I wanted, and it's not just like write it down so you know it, it's write it down like it's written down sorry in like you know in a computer. It almost makes it finite in a way. It makes it unflappable. And I think that's the problem. because like You hear all these stories about arranged marriages. And I'm not saying, like, go get an arranged marriage. I'm certainly not getting an arranged marriage. Although if somebody sets me up, and it's like a lovely setup, I have no issue. But nobody's going to like force me to get married to a specific person. But I do think when you hear about even like some, I mean, it doesn't happen that much. But like modern people who are who who initially were sort of arranged marriages,

13:21.80
 
um And they work, and they work in multiple ways. They work because they're um they work because they are because they've they're on the same page about what they're doing together. They're having family, they're, you know, like creating continuing their family business or whatever those things are. um And I think that, um and and then, you know, you hear these stories of of of them liking each other and then maybe loving each other.

13:52.56
 
um And and maybe in a deeper way than the romantic just chemistry hot way, you know um All of my relationships have started as as friendships or in some um way ah With some background of the person like I've dated a ton of in Online and met a lot of men that way but the truth is the men that I've really liked and cared about where it it it lasted even just a short period of time um Were for the most where I really felt something or for the most part because I knew them prior I knew them or I knew or they were like friends of a friend or something like that where I had a little bit of context and I

14:39.86
 
Boxes were not really a part of that conversation in my head. it's It's almost like the I mean, I'm not saying anything revolutionary by any stretch but like the apps Obviously they make it very transactional and I think it's hard to get out of that I think for me it's hard to get out of the transactional part to get past it in order to like Figure out in order to maybe even meet the right person. I don't know just a thought um so

15:10.98
 
My next question is what does Valentine's Day mean to you? Like, Do you love it? Do you hate it? What does it mean to you? is it Is it an opportunity to tell people that you love them? Or is it just a day to remind yourself that you don't have somebody that you love like that? Or maybe, you know i mean I don't know, maybe maybe maybe you don't have a tribe. And I get that. that's It's hard not to have people that you love that love you. And and if that's the case,

15:40.96
 
um I very, very much support the idea of going out and looking for it, like deliberately. um I'm not saying online, although listen, whatever. But if you don't have a tribe, women, men, people, your people, you know um they make a difference. um And not just in your personal life, they make a difference in your family life, they make a difference in your professional life, they just make a difference in your life holistically. So um the real talk for me is that Valentine's Day is is fucking important to me. ah Do I need it to like express my love? No, but am I happy that it's here? Am I teaching my kid?

16:34.61
 
that it's important and that she hand wrote 27 Valentine's Day cards and not little cards that she like filled out like pieces of paper that she chose to clip in half and then write two, et cetera, you know, two names from Michaela with like a very thought out picture of her high fiving the person. And she did it like if they were a boy, she did short hair, if they were a girl, she did long hair, we're still in that. She doesn't quite get, but girls can have short hair, even though I've had pixie cuts a couple of times and she has friends and she had short hair, but we're working on that. But nonetheless, it was very personal for her and I was really proud

17:15.87
 
that the cards were personal for her, that she needed them to be personal. I mean, we did have to hurry it, and I did end up having to write to and from for her, because we ran out of time. But um but she did all the pictures. like She did all these things on her own, and I'm pretty proud of that. So happy Valentine's Day, everybody. I love your guts.

17:36.76
 
wow