Ep 034-I'm Crushing It But Why Can't I Own It?

Why is it easier to say, “I’m ambitious,” than “I’ve achieved”?
 In this episode, I break down why so many high-achieving women (myself included!) struggle to own their success. From redefining what achievement even is, to a conversation between my 6-year-old daughter and her bestie that stopped me in my tracks, this episode is full of truth bombs, real-talk, and one heck of a reminder: you’ve done more than you’re giving yourself credit for.

🎯 We unpack:

• The emotional weight behind “ambitious” vs “achieving”
• How midlife shifts your ability to own your wins
• A heart-melting self-love lesson from two 6-year-olds
• Simple ways to friend yourself first—yes, actually

🎧 Hit play. Then send it to your bestie! 

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Transcript

00:00.76

Hi, party people. It's Carol. ah How are you today? I'm having a good day. So far, to the day I'm recording is a Monday, which always is a little like touch and go. It depends on how the weekend went, and if it was really full, and also how my daughter... ah did Any of you have this experience? It's like...

00:20.44

 Carole Podell

it's like We spend so much time together, and granted, we're we're, you know, it's just me and her, so it's there, but we spend so much time together that um that Mondays are a little hard because it's, like, detaching, and I'm so pleased that that's the case because it could be so far, far, far, far far far worse, and i know when she's a teenager, she's going to be like, Mom, I don't want to talk to you, so ah there you go. um I just wanted to hop on here today.

00:51.54

 Carole Podell

i I want to talk about words and wording and ah thought behind a specific phrase that um I've been marinating over a lot, um especially for women.

01:06.56

 Carole Podell

And specifically, it is the difference between identifying with highly ambitious and highly achieving. Because to me, in a lot of ways, they're very similar. And I think, you know, as I as i talk to different um women and, you know, hear what they're identifying with, it's like high achieving, know,

01:30.93

 Carole Podell

you know High achieving is the past, like I've achieved, you know um and highly ambitious is the future, you know um like I'm going to achieve or I want to achieve. And why is it so hard? Why is it such a struggle to own achieving?

01:50.27

 Carole Podell

like Okay, so one is like bragging. You know, it's like, I have achieved blah, blah, blah, blah. blah And it feels like bragging. Even if it's not bragging, even if it's actually just fact, it somehow, in some way, feels like you're bragging.

02:06.07

 Carole Podell

Whereas um ambitious feels like I want to achieve. i want i'm I'm humble. i um I see the size of it. Now, I genuinely believe in humility.

02:18.07

 Carole Podell

I genuinely believe that um we should all have humility and be humble with what um we are given, what we do, um our our problems. like Because understanding your relative place in the universe is important. That's not to say we should be downplaying um either our place on the up level or the down. You know ah you can't learn if you aren't clear about where you're at.

02:44.66

 Carole Podell

However, um You know, ah for me, especially, you know, I'm a 52-year-old woman. I'm in my midlife. um I've accomplished some things. I have a lot I want to accomplish.

02:56.27

 Carole Podell

And I have a lot that i can teach other people, that I can mentor other people with, that I can help with other people with. And I appreciate that. I'm grateful for that, actually. I mean, I've lived a life where I've had those same people, those same kinds of people help me, mentor me, coach me.

03:13.31

 Carole Podell

that I now can help. So it's very much like a full circle moment, but it took me until now. So it took me until half a decade to say that I have achieved.

03:25.04

 Carole Podell

And what i and that was, that would have been a very uncomfortable thing for me to say for many, many years. Um, partially because I felt like I hadn't, but partially because it found it sounded in my mind egotistical. And I hated those people who were like cocky and braggarts and stuff like that. Like, I really, I didn't like them. And and I'm not saying that, like, and sometimes I still don't.

03:50.91

 Carole Podell

like them because they're freaking obnoxious and like who wants to be around someone who's just bragging all the time but i do think you know achieving something is a big deal and when you talk to somebody who has achieved something like it's a gift when they give you information about what they're doing you know um anyway so so from a from a framework though

04:15.83

 Carole Podell

Let's start with highly ambitious. So highly ambitious is um somebody who is looking toward the future saying, I want to i want to achieve a lot. I want to do a lot. I want to accomplish a lot.

04:28.95

 Carole Podell

And I'm willing to push forward. I'm willing to do what it takes or I'm willing to to to do the hard thing, whatever that is, right? um And that's easier to own, especially for women.

04:39.40

 Carole Podell

You know, it's like for women to own that is fine. Like we do it all the time. You know, I want to do this. I want to do this. You can – I can go into any room and talk to a room full of women and say I'm highly ambitious and have several women nod, right?

04:56.00

 Carole Podell

If I walk into a room and say I'm highly achieving, they're going look at me and maybe some some of them are going to be like, well, are you? Like, what does that look like?

05:09.00

 Carole Podell

And then some of them are going to be like intimidated or feel like they're less than. but why? Why? Why? Like once you start doing something, I mean, as a mother, as a professional, as a friend, you know, you've achieved.

05:27.57

 Carole Podell

You've achieved. Here, I'm going to say it again for the cheap seats. You've achieved. You've done a lot in your life. that took work to accomplish, you know? um And that's, I'm not even saying, and here's where I'm even doing it right now, qualifying what achieving looks like. So like achievement is really relative to your degree of what you believe is success, whether that's professional or personal, it really doesn't matter.

05:55.86

 Carole Podell

But, you know, ah if success is, If the only way I can say I have achieved is if I'm a billionaire, I'm never or more than likely never going to be successful. And why would I do that to myself? Why would i what i put myself an impossible situation where I cannot win? Why?

06:16.79

 Carole Podell

are women? Why am I, why are you so difficult to sell? Why are you so averse to selling to, ah, why are you so adverse to celebrating those wins and saying directly,

06:32.58

 Carole Podell

that you have won, whether that's for the day, the small wins or the big wins. I think that a lot of, you know, like the brain hears what you're telling it. I always say this, like, you know, if, if, if I said, if, if somebody said to me what I say to myself, sorry, if somebody said to one of my best friends, what I say to in my head to myself all the time, i would legit punch them in the throat.

07:00.07

 Carole Podell

But then why do I say it? Then why is it so hard to stop it? It shouldn't be hard. It should be yeah like I'm the person that I should love. My daughter had a sleepover this weekend with a little girl. She's one of her besties.

07:15.42

 Carole Podell

And um they're adorable. And I'm so proud because this little girl, my daughter, this is not, I mean, I adore her her parents, but she's I didn't know them.

07:25.77

 Carole Podell

You know, most of her little friends up until, you know, sort of recently, like up until this particular friend, really, um her deep friendships have come from friends that she knows from preschool, who I know as well. So the parents have kind of facilitated the relationships. But this little girl, she's made a friend that is...

07:46.59

 Carole Podell

um she's made. They're from the from class. I watched and I watched the dynamic and the depth of their friendship of being in the same class for two years and they really know each other and they really connect and I saw a whole side of my daughter that I had never seen before.

08:01.71

 Carole Podell

But, um and it was beautiful. It was really like, I was proud. And I and i went out of my way, and I say this to to moms, I went out of my way to tell her that I was proud of that. Because I wanted her to understand that that's kind of a big deal for her to create a friendship, especially at this age, that has depth and complexity and they fight and then they make up and, um you know, for six-year-olds.

08:24.82

 Carole Podell

But we were sitting in the bathtub and this is what was so great. We're sitting in the bathtub and, They're like, I'm your best friend. I'm your best friend. Like, you're my best friend. You're my bestie, you know?

08:37.39

 Carole Podell

And then her little friend says, no, you you're you're the, she said, she said um I'm your second best friend. And my daughter was like, no, you're my first best friend. You know, she was like, no, this is, and the little girl said, well, you you love yourself first. You're your first friend.

08:55.91

 Carole Podell

Is that not incredible that at that age, at at six, this little person learned and communicated it with her other little person that she should be her own best friend and that she should love herself first before anybody else.

09:14.41

 Carole Podell

First of all, like shout out to those parents who instilled that into her in such a way that she was able to repeat it to somebody else. And then shout out to her, to my daughter, shout out to her for telling my daughter as much.

09:31.48

 Carole Podell

um I just think it was it was kind of like an extraordinary revelation. And I'm so proud that she has her friend. I'm so proud that she's made this friend.

09:44.13

 Carole Podell

And I'm so proud that um I'm going to take a chapter out of it. I'm going to remember that I am my own best friend. Not just that I love myself because it's hard sometimes when somebody says, well, you should love yourself. yourself Well, of course, but how do you love yourself? Because love is in in the action, you know? How do you love yourself?

10:04.01

 Carole Podell

Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. Go out of your way to make your friend happy. Go out of your way to check in and see if your friend is okay, you know, how they are. Listen to their thoughts. Listen to their their troubles.

10:19.33

 Carole Podell

and laugh with them and enjoy the silly times, but do it for yourself as the friend. And if you know anybody who... um

10:32.41

 Carole Podell

The other thing that I wanted to say was

10:58.85

 Carole Podell

And if you're not sure, and if you're not sure how to do that, how to be kind to yourself and say nice things about yourself and treat yourself the way you treat your best friend, I recommend picking up your phone and texting your friend and asking them what they do to be your friend, how they are your friend, or what they like about you, or what they like.

11:37.44

 Carole Podell

So, and I'm gonna take it a step further and say, take your phone, and text your best friend.

11:48.70

 Carole Podell

If you don't have a best friend, DM me and text me, ah send me a message on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever you wherever you ah get your...

12:02.78

 Carole Podell

And I'm gonna say something else. If you're going to ah talk to you yourself the way you talk to your best friend, check in with yourself the way you check in with your best friend, I'm going to take it a step further. Because if you don't know how to do that, you know how to be a friend, ask your best friend. Go pick up your phone right now, right now, or as soon as this episode is over.

12:25.55

 Carole Podell

And um ask them, what you do to check in with them. Or just go through your texts and see how you're checking in with your friends. And frankly, if you're not checking in with your friends, also go check in with your friends. It will make your own friendship and your own relationship with yourself much deeper.

12:43.48

 Carole Podell

But go do that and find out how you're friending a friend and find out what that looks like and then do it for yourself. Stop. Send yourself a text.

12:54.92

 Carole Podell

How are you doing? I text myself with stuff all the time, all the time. I text myself with notes or thoughts or, you know um i and and um i i you know, I stand in front of the mirror sometimes and say, I love you.

13:09.20

 Carole Podell

How can I make you happy today? Because that's something I would say to a friend. How can I support you? What's going on? How are you feeling? Are you okay? Did you have a good day or a bad day?

13:19.67

 Carole Podell

What happened with that experience? um Let me know how it happened. Let me know how it went. And if you don't have a friend like that, DM me. ah Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, at Carol Podell.

13:32.53

 Carole Podell

DM me. I want to hear. I'll i'll i'll reply. I'll reply very fast. And um ask me like if you want to know The questions that a friend is going to ask you I'll tell you.

13:45.64

 Carole Podell

I'd like to tell you. I'd like to. Please do it. And if you have a friend who needs to hear this, who's not really appreciating her um achievements, but maybe only appreciating her ambition, do me a favor and forward this to them because they need to hear it, and they need to hear it from their friend.

14:05.13

 Carole Podell

um If you want more, you can sign up for my tribe newsletter for Favorites, resources, free stuff, um real-time updates.

14:16.26

 Carole Podell

The link is in the show notes. Don't forget to hit like, subscribe, stars. Give me stars. um And if you give me a review, that would be amazing.

14:29.04

 Carole Podell

um As I said, come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, at Carol Podell. I'm on TikTok. I'm not as much on TikTok, but I like to post some videos sometimes.

14:39.55

 Carole Podell

um Go to my website at carolpodell.com. I also have some free resources on there I'd love to share with you. um And do me a favor. Just reach out to a friend and check in with them.

14:53.78

 Carole Podell

And then text yourself and check in with yourself. It's gonna make a difference.