EP112 ADHD & The F*ck It Bucket

In this solo episode of Mad About Podcast, Maddy Alexander-Grout gets honest about ADHD, shame spirals, gym guilt, money avoidance, task paralysis, and the pressure neurodivergent people put on themselves to “do the thing.”

From struggling to go to the gym without a PT, to investing money, overspending, procrastinating, and putting unrealistic expectations on herself, Maddy explores how the word “should” can become one of the biggest blockers for neurodivergent brains.

This episode is a reminder that you are not lazy, broken or failing. Sometimes your brain is overwhelmed by pressure, guilt and emotional weight — and the more shame you pile on yourself, the harder it becomes to start.

Maddy talks openly about ADHD, PDA, spending addiction, fitness, self-worth, and why tiny steps matter more than perfection. Plus, why all your “shoulds” probably belong in the fuck it bucket.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

•  ADHD, PDA and task paralysis 
•  Shame spirals and procrastination 
•  Gym guilt and putting pressure on yourself 
•  Why neurodivergent brains resist “should” 
•  Money avoidance and emotional spending 
•  Investing, saving and taking tiny financial steps 
•  Switching tasks and ADHD overwhelm 
•  Motivation vs pressure 
•  Tiny habits that reduce barriers 
•  Self-worth, identity and internal criticism 
•  Why community support matters for neurodivergent people 

Key Takeaways

•  The word “should” often creates shame instead of action. 
•  PDA can make demands — even self-imposed ones — feel emotionally impossible. 
•  Tiny actions build momentum better than perfection does. 
•  Doing something is always better than staying stuck in guilt. 
•  Shame keeps neurodivergent people frozen. Compassion helps movement happen. 
•  Reducing barriers can make difficult tasks feel more accessible. 
•  You don’t need to transform your whole life overnight. 

Favourite Quotes

“The more shoulds we put on ourselves, the worse we feel.”“Those shoulds are the things that are sent to fuck with us.”“Sometimes it’s just a case of actually doing the thing.”“You are not lazy. You are overwhelmed.”

Chapters

00:00 – Why Maddy is Mad About the Gym
01:02 – ADHD, PDA and the Shame Spiral
02:20 – Strengthening Your Core Physically and Emotionally
03:05 – Task Paralysis and Emotional Weight
03:52 – Investing Money and Finally Doing the Thing
05:06 – Spending Addiction and Shame Around Money
06:02 – Ibiza, Book Writing and Reducing Pressure
06:50 – The “Fuck It Bucket” and Self-Worth
07:08 – Removing Barriers and Getting to the Gym
08:10 – Tiny Financial Steps That Build Momentum
08:55 – The Maddyverse and Community Support
09:32 – Why Neurodivergent People Need Cheerleaders
10:05 – Letting Go of Shame and Giving Yourself Grace

Connect with Maddy

Follow Maddy Alexander-Grout for more conversations around ADHD, money, visibility, business, identity and building a life that actually works for your brain.

@madaboutmoneyofficial on TikTok @maddytalksmoney on Instagram 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Mad About. I'm Maddie Alexander Grout, and this is the podcast where we talk all things that we are mad about. And today I am mad about the gym. So I realize that I have not actually been to the gym since I started that's not been with my PT person. And therefore, I'm feeling super guilty about it. I'm procrastinating and I've put so much pressure on myself to do the thing that I don't want to do the thing. The thing is, right, we keep telling ourselves, like if it's something that we really want to do when we're neurodivergent, and we have that should in the back of our minds, um, should is the thing that keeps us stuck, really. We get stuck in a spiral of thinking that we're lazy, telling ourselves that we should be doing something. And if you're PDA, pathological demand avoidant like me, then when you tell yourself that you should be doing something, you almost just don't want to do the thing. So I wanted to talk a little bit today about when you're neurodivergent and you get stuck in the shame cycle. And this can link back to like your finances, it can link back to work, to starting a project, starting a new business, um, even down to, you know, eating healthily or going to the gym or basically doing anything that we tell ourselves that we should be doing. Like we have that thing where it's like, oh, I I don't like the way I look, I'm gonna start a diet. I should be eating healthily, I shouldn't be getting takeaways. But that should just keep us more stuck because we put that external pressure on ourselves, and then we just don't want to do the thing at all. So instead of telling myself that I should go to the gym today, I actually started saying to myself, I want to go to the gym. Like I started joining, you know, I joined the gym because I wanted to join the gym, I wanted to get healthier, I wanted to sort my mobility out, and I wanted to basically strengthen my core, which, as you know, I've got a membership called the core. It's all about strengthening our core so that we can show up as the person we're meant to be. And in this case, my core is the thing that I need to strengthen because of the fact that I have mobility issues, I've got a bad back, I've had like lots of pain in my uh in my lower spine, I had a trapped nerve that was slip disk, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, that's why I joined, because I wanted to strengthen my core. Like, not just my core as in my being, but like my actual physical core. So I joined for that reason, and I've been saying to myself, you're you're so lazy, like you haven't been to the gym. Like, what is it you're doing? But then I've been forgetting about all the stuff that I've done externally. So I started to walk more. I'm doing about six, seven thousand steps a day, which is definitely more than the 1,500 that I was doing when I used to just chain myself to my desk all the time. Um, you should be starting to save, to, to invest. Um, the only thing that stops the shame cycle is actually by doing the thing. So over the weekend, I decided that I was going to invest some money, and I invested quite a large amount of money into a stocks and shares ICE, a cash ICER, and something which is basically just like a really high interest account. They're all fairly easy access, so I'm not like restricting myself. But I basically just did the thing, and now I'm like, oh, okay, that wasn't as hard as I thought it was. Sometimes it's just a case of like actually doing the thing. But when we are neurodivergent, we also get stuck in that task paralysis where switching tasks is actually really difficult. So if you find yourself in the flow and you're like, I'm doing, I'm doing one thing and I'm doing it really, really, really well, and then actually it kind of limits you in the other areas of your life. And that that then puts that that external pressure and that external shame on. And then suddenly that task becomes quite emotionally heavy. And the longer the time passes, the worse it can get. So I type I talk quite openly here about the fact that I've got a spending addiction. I've had a spending addiction since I was like 15 years old. Um, I like spending money. And since I got my inheritance from my grandma, I've been a bit more spendy. Um, and I've noticed, my husband's noticed. He's like, you're getting a lot of packages, and I'm like, I am. And then I put the shame on myself. But actually, I need to think about the things that I have done right. So I have invested a load of that money. I have bought things which I knew I needed to buy for my family. I've got holidays, you know, I've bought meaningful experiences and I have made considered purchases. Um, I made a purchase at the weekend. I bought um a nail care system. It was a Systico. Um, basically, it's like a holographic site because I get my nails done all the time, right? And I'm sick of going to the bloody nail salon every two weeks and spending 35 quid. And I thought, well, if I can do this at home on my own, I'll invest 100 pounds into this nail care system, and then I'm gonna be saving money in the long run. So, yes, I bought something, but it was a considered decision. So think about how you're doing that when it comes to your finances or to the gym. You know, I bought an expensive gym membership because I knew that if I bought an expensive gym membership, I'd feel guilty about not going. And of course, I feel fucking guilty about not going. So I put that external pressure on myself. And that maybe wasn't the thing I needed to do. But when I go to the gym, I like being there. When I leave the gym, I feel really happy, I feel really motivated and like I've actually done something. And I don't want to go to Ibetha because I'm going to Ibatha on Wednesday to write my next book, which is going to be called Mad About Business, um, Building an Authentic and Visible Brand with ADHD. Um, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be doing that. But I've put not put all the pressure on myself there either. So when we think about like, you know, the fact that I've spent a load of money going away on a book writing holiday, I am not going away to write an entire book. I've told myself I'm gonna write four chapters. Four chapters is, you know, for five days, that's a chapter a day. Then I can actually enjoy some of my holiday as well. It's not too bad. I'm not putting masses of pressure on myself. And this is the thing, right? With should, we always know that should needs to go in the fuck it bucket. I say this all the time. But the more shoulds we put on ourselves or shouldn't, the worse we feel, the more restricted we feel. So then we have that thing where our identity and our self-worth gets diminished because we beat ourselves up about it. We're like, oh, well, you're stupid because you haven't been to the gym. And I'm like totally guilty of that. I know I am. But the more of that shame I put on myself, the less likely it is that I'm actually just gonna go and do the fucking thing and actually go to the gym. So I've said to myself, today, I am going to go to the gym. At half past 11, I'm gonna go to the gym. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get there, but I'm gonna go because I know that that is the thing that is stopping me. So this morning I put on my gym gear. I've got my really sexy leggings on, which uh they are really sexy. You know, I try to remove a barrier so that like I, you know, I'm not just gonna put my gym clothes on to sit around the house. I'm gonna put my gym clothes on so that I can go to the gym, so I can stop procrastinating. I've got nothing in my diary, I'm doing all the things that I need to do now so that I don't have anything holding me down. And then I'm gonna go to the gym. So that's that's the first thing. But when we think about shame, keeping us in those spirals, we tell ourselves, oh, I need to budget, I need to look at my finances, I want to start investing, I need to, I need to to start managing my money better. But we don't give ourselves any targets or any goals. And those are the things, right, that actually will help us to get out there and go and do that thing. Just finding tiny little steps. You don't have to go and like change your finances overnight. But if you start putting away five pounds a week, you're actually doing something positive to get to that goal. But until you look at it, until you have that goal, you're never gonna start. So think about what you can do. What tiny steps can you do today that are gonna help you to achieve that goal? So just like me putting on my gym gear, that was the thing that was me going, right, I'm gonna commit to doing this thing. So setting up a savings account, setting up an ICE, setting up something that actually starts to help you. Like in my in my free community, the Maddiverse, I have got shitloads of free resources that are all geared towards helping you to manage your money. We've got things like spending trackers, debt spreadsheets, goal trackers, um, even down to like, you know, fitness trackers and stuff like that. So if you are starting on a journey and you're thinking of doing something small to edge yourself into that thing, you've got something that helps you to get started. Um, and that's a free community. It's free for any neurodivergent person. The whole idea behind that community was having like a social media platform where there's no social pressure. So you don't have to build followers, you don't have to get likes, you don't have to do all of those things. You just post about what you're feeling. And people who are neurodivergent who are probably feeling very similar to you, will come and they will support you and you know, help you with whatever it is that you're stuck on. You know, sometimes we just need some cheerleaders to help us. And we don't cheerlead ourselves enough. We get stuck in that shame spiral, and then we don't do the thing that we're meant to be doing. It's not that we should be doing that thing, and when I say meant to, like it's it's us saying that we're meant to be doing those things. So if you're feeling stuck and you're feeling overwhelmed and you're beating yourself up because you've not started a project, you've not started saving, you've not started a business that you meant to start, just give yourself a little bit of slack. Give yourself a bit of a break and tell yourself that actually you want to do that thing. It's just a tiny little change in your mindset and the way that you deal with things so that you don't put those shoulds on top of your shoulders. Because those shoulds are the things that are sent to fuck with us. I'm Maddy Alexander Grout. If you've liked this episode, give it a little like. Go and listen to our hundreds of other episodes. Sometimes I do them with guests, sometimes I do them on my own. Um, they're all geared around the neurodivergent brain, showing up and being the person that you were always meant to be. Um, if you have also liked this episode, you can follow me on my social media. Um, Maddy Talks Money on Instagram, Mad About Money Official on TikTok, Maddie AlexanderGrow everywhere else. And don't forget to like and subscribe.