Framily Ties: Kandra Covert and Jay Rosenberg on the Power of Friendship

Transcript

Ernestine 0:00

Welcome to Bon Vivant Chic-Life Well Lived the podcast. For anyone who wants to cut through today's noise and just listen for a few minutes to meaningful conversations on the human experience and the power of connectedness, I'm your host Ernestine Morgan, and advocate for kindness with a passion for showcasing human interest stories that matter. Today, our topic is friendships. We'll talk about friends as family, sometimes referred to as framily. I'm delighted to have with me today Kandra Covert and Jay Rosenberg. Kandra is a real estate agent with a Thorn collection, and Jay is an interior designer. Both live here in the Tampa Bay area. Kandra and Jay are besties and they are here to chat about what it means to them in today's world. So let's get started. Kandra and Jay, thanks for sitting down with me today.

Jay 0:55

Thanks so much for having us.

Kandra 0:56

Thank you for having us.

Ernestine 0:58

Can you please share a little about where you grew up and what life was like?

Kandra 1:03

I grew up in Palm Harbor, Florida, born and raised native. My parents both worked a lot. My mom worked at Morton Plant and my dad actually traveled for Microsoft and various, tech companies. I was really close with my brother growing up we hung out a lot. I called my mom the other day and asked her from her perspective what my childhood was like. And she responded that if I was asking if I had a good childhood, I did. Her answer was yes. She proceeded to tell me and remind me about all the fun and creative games my brother and I would come up with. We were constantly seeking entertainment together. We would. Do magic shows. We would have talent shows. We would even set up like a store in the house where our parents had to purchase their household item goods back from us. That's huge. I think that's where my entrepreneurialship, started. And, there was a dime where my mom said that, I told her I was gonna call 9 1 1 on her because I was so bored.

Jay 1:54

Oh.

Kandra 1:54

And she was boring. And, I just constantly needed something to do. I went to a small private school in Clearwater from the age of four until about eighth grade. 20 kids in my class for about 10 years. I was very sheltered until I hit. Public school in high school. And I think that really brought me out of my shell. I really found my place in myself and the person I wanted to be when I finally hit public school. So that was an experience in itself.

Jay 2:18

I grew up in Palm Harbor, the oldest of two siblings. My parents found out they were expecting me while my father was in his first semester of law school. Not the ideal time. Things were tight. We lived in a one bedroom apartment. I was extremely aware. Of the financial stress. But on the other side, as my father grew a successful law practice, we got to experience the other side of that. That balance helped me, in knowing that, if you work hard for something, you can achieve it.

Ernestine 2:51

That's great. What are some of your fondest memories growing up

Kandra 2:54

I recently lost all three of my grandparents in a 12 month span, which was, a whirlwind. Sentimental memories have really been weighing on me, lately and heavy on my brain. One of my fondest memories is, when I was a kid, we used to go to this motel on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, 'cause my grandparents all lived in Fort Lauderdale. And it was just this little shack on the beach, real cheapy, cheap. Place. It was so much fun because all my family would come together, my grandparents, my cousins would come, my brother, my mom, and we would just. Be on the beach all day long, go on the pool all day long, have barbecues. We celebrated my brother's birthday there every summer. And that was really special that I looked forward to every single summer. Anytime I smell og sunscreen, it reminds me, it brings me right back to those moments of my grandparents and having summers with them.

Jay 3:42

For me, some of my fondest memories are family centered, holidays. I also really enjoyed discovering my independence. I loved working. I got a job when I was 14 at Winn-Dixie as a bag boy, My dad was so exhausted that he was like, I don't know what you're making, but I'll pay you just to not go. So I don't have to drive you. I was like, you don't have to do this. That is where I discovered, working and saving and realizing that if I wanted something, that I could work for it. I loved singing. On season four of American Idol, I was a finalist. I used that and, sang for a lot of different charity events. I sang the national anthem for the Bucs and the Rays and did all the fun things. I was 19, it seems like. Forever ago, but yesterday

Ernestine 4:33

And you did a couple of our videos at Morton Plant Meat Healthcare Foundation for our team member giving campaigns. You sang at our annual meeting too, was so much fun.

Jay 4:43

Beautiful

Ernestine 4:44

voice.

Jay 4:44

Thank you.

Ernestine 4:45

How did you get into interior design?

Jay 4:47

I always loved real estate architecture, design, when kids. Normally go to school and they draw a picture of a cat or something. I would always come home with a picture of a house and it was, my parents are like, are you gonna draw anything else and I just like houses. I don't know what's going on. And they thought maybe I wanted to be an architect. Also when they would leave. I would rearrange the house. All the time. Funny. All the time. And they would come home and say, when you get your own house. You can decorate it how you want but when you're living in our house, leave our stuff alone now that they're buying new houses and they want my help. I said, oh, well

Ernestine 5:27

that's funny.

Jay 5:28

Now that I have my own house, you want my help now? It's always been a thing for me. Nothing new. And the more I look back, I'm shocked that, anybody didn't know that this was the direction I'd be going in.

Ernestine 5:40

How'd you get into real estate?

Kandra 5:41

Sometimes things just happen and then all of a sudden I'm like, what am I doing, I have a friend who is on Martha Thorn's team and begged me for years to join real estate. You're gonna be so good at it, you would love it. And I was like, absolutely not. I will never do it. Then I finally caved and I did it and I'm so glad I did. Because he was right. I was built for this. I love real estate. My favorite part of real estate is getting to know people and helping them achieve their goal of home ownership or even building their portfolio. I love watching, the smiles at closing. I think it's my favorite part. I've cried with so many people at closing tables of just pure happiness. Either thank God it's over or. This is the best day of my life. It's just really, really rewarding, it's my favorite thing to do. It's essentially the best hobby in the world. I just get paid to do it, which is the plus.

Ernestine 6:30

Who had the biggest influence on you when you were young?

Kandra 6:32

I had a preschool teacher, Mrs. Unfer, and I'll never forget her because she was the first. Person I ever met outside of my mom's friends she just made me feel so good. Then she was my teacher again in first grade, she was always around because that school was very small. Same 20 kids. So I saw her all the time she just had a way about her that made you feel. Loved and special and cared about, and I really took that on as I want other people to feel that way when I'm around them. I think I picked up my empathetic side from her. As I got older, it actually turned into my mom, when I realized money doesn't grow on trees. One of her favorite sayings is, you've gotta work for the things you have and if you want something, you have to work hard. She became my. Biggest influence, just seeing her work nonstop. She was full-time mom 'cause my dad traveled and she just was everything in my life and I didn't realize it until later. Now we're best friends,

Ernestine 7:25

oh,

Kandra 7:26

She's awesome.

Jay 7:26

My grandmother, who is 88 and thankfully still with us, had the biggest influence. She's a classic Jewish. Grandmother from the Bronx, even after living in Florida for over 60 years, she sounds like she's fresh off the subway. She's hilarious. She's kind very much a tell it like it is straight shooter, person. And I credit my old soul mentality to her. I talk to her every single day. My balance of warmth and directness also attribute to her, without question, she has had the biggest influence and contributed the most to my life.

Ernestine 8:06

Ah, that's sweet.

Jay 8:07

She's my other bestie

Ernestine 8:09

I love that how did you two meet?

Jay 8:10

We had a ton of mutual friends growing up, we were always in the same circle. And then as we grew older, we got very close. More specifically within the last five, six years. We got super close.

Kandra 8:26

There could be multiple renditions of it.

Jay 8:28

Yeah. Her being in real estate. And then me being in design were sort of connected in some way. Right before the pandemic we had lunch and we realized that wow,

Kandra 8:39

this is someone I wanna wear matching shirts with. So that's really what,

Jay 8:43

yeah.

Ernestine 8:44

If you think about it, there are some good things that came outta that pandemic. We found ourselves making closer relationships because we had the time. You couldn't do much especially the first, couple of years? It was just crazy. Everything was very intentional, wasn't it?

Jay 8:59

Yeah.

Kandra 9:00

It definitely strengthened bonds and it did strengthen us, which was really

Ernestine 9:04

mm-hmm.

Kandra 9:04

Good about that.

Ernestine 9:05

I've heard more and more about friends as family, there are friends, there are family, and then there are friends who become family. Family isn't only inherited, it's chosen, built and nurtured, which it sounds like you've done

Kandra 9:19

I love that wholeheartedly, and I agree completely with, your chosen family, just because you're blood related. Doesn't mean you have to get along. I know sometimes we try to work through things, with our family members and sometimes it just doesn't really click or happen. People have their differences. We're human. We are always gonna see eye to eye and I'm sure a lot of people have family members. They feel this way about, I've had my fair struggle with this and protecting my peace actually became really important to me the last couple years. And I've had to pump the brakes on some family and, put some people in timeout a little bit until I felt healed enough to, move on with them. You don't get to pick your family, but the best part about relationships and friendships is you get to pick them. I call my friends my chosen family because I picked them and they picked me, and pick wisely who you want to be in your inner circle and make sure everyone you surround yourself with has your best interests in mind.

Ernestine 10:10

Love that. Good point. I noticed you're wearing matching shirts it says yams life is good.

Jay 10:15

Friendsgiving was around Thanksgiving, how can we show up but show up as ourselves? She. Wore a shirt that said he's my sweet potato. And then I wore a shirt that said I yam. And so from then on we've just been yam sweet potatoes

Ernestine 10:32

that's cute.

Jay 10:33

And so today we showed up in our yam shirt also i'd like to take this time to make you an honorary Yam Fam. Welcome to the Yam

Kandra 10:41

Family. Oh, the ya fam.

Ernestine 10:42

That's awesome.

Jay 10:43

Yes.

Ernestine 10:43

Thank you very, very much.

Kandra 10:45

And that brings us to misconceptions about our friendship.

Jay 10:47

So funny.

Kandra 10:48

That was probably the best reveal right there.

Ernestine 10:49

Sometimes. Family gatherings can be difficult for political reasons, for whatever. They can bring it to the table, which makes, things complicated.

Jay 10:59

My family doesn't always. See eye to eye. There's a lot of different personalities. My parents are divorced, my father's remarried. My grandparents were divorced and remarried, and there's a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles and just life and my sister is married and has her two kids. I'm a single 40-year-old. The holidays at the beginning I felt obligated. This is tradition, I'm supposed to be at one of my parents if not both of my parents' houses and just juggle this and, birthdays and just all the things. It gets overwhelming. I would find myself leaving and in worse shape than I showed up. Okay how can I make this work for me where I'm happy and I know my family wants me to be happy and I want them to be happy. Mm-hmm. Just looking inside and being honest with myself. Thanksgivings aren't always spent with my family. We are all in a very good place. Everyone gets along. There's no big scandal or drama. Drama, drama, yeah. Any of that. It's really just, I go where I choose to be in that moment where and when it feels the best for me. Kandra's house is sometimes that place.

Kandra 12:14

I'm usually there by myself too. Ryan travels a lot Jay and I just like to. Do our thing. We wear bath robes and eat hot dogs and that's nice. Champagne and maybe sometimes some caviar, it's called balance.

Jay 12:28

Yeah.

Ernestine 12:28

What's the most surprising thing you've learned about each other?

Kandra 12:31

Jay is just beautiful inside and out. He comes off having a little bit of a tough exterior, but he has a very caring interior. He cares deeply about his friends and their wellbeing, and he truly would do anything for you in the drop of a hat, and I really enjoy, part of our friendship because, vulnerability is hard and it's a really hard wall to break down, and I love that. I feel safe in our friendship.

Jay 12:56

That's sweet. Aww.

Kandra 12:57

I cry a lot.

Jay 12:59

She does.

Kandra 12:59

And he just listens. Every time I'm stressed, I'm sad. I'm mad. I cry. Just comes out of my face. Do you cry

Ernestine 13:05

when you're happy?

Kandra 13:06

Yeah. And if I'm also a sympathetic cry. If you're crying, I will cry. It just comes out. I get it from my mom. She's the same way.

Jay 13:13

For me, aside from learning how often Kandra cries, I learned. That she's calm, she's thoughtful, grounded, but when life throws her challenges, she doesn't break. She adapts. She taught me that strength doesn't have to be loud sometimes it's just steady, consistent, and graceful. Prime example, when she lost her house in the storm. and she's had some health things. She's quiet, but the house got done. Things improve. She's just a quiet force. And when you look at her, you may not think that because she's small, she's blonde, she's bubbly, but this is a strong person.

Kandra 13:57

See, I might cry. That was very sweet.

Ernestine 13:59

How do you think your friendships have changed since you were in your twenties and now thirties 40 and how do you envision your friendships going into your fifties and sixties?

Jay 14:10

Turning 40. Really clarified a lot for me. In my twenties, friendships were about fun. Now they're more about trust, consistency, peace. I value friendships where we can pick up right where we left off, where there's no competition, no pressure, just real support and quality over quantity. Prime example is my grandmother, who is, my only living grandparent left, and she happens to live in an area that has 15,000, 55 and UPS very active community. And she plays cards and she keeps her mind going. She has close. Circle of friends and she 100% attributes her, independence at this age. Sharp mind to staying active and also keeping those relationships. They call each other and check on each other and they go out to dinner together. Looking forward into the future several decades, that's how you can reach that success. And friendship.

Kandra 15:11

In my twenties, I'm not gonna say I was a friend collector. But I had a lot more friends in my twenties than I do now in my thirties. The fun friends, I'd call them my party friends. They were always available if I wanted to go out and do something. So they were more surface level at that age, I think. 'cause they were just. Whoever was available and wanted to go hang out was more of that friend circle. Now I prefer to keep a smaller circle. It keeps it more genuine. I think knowing who you surround yourself with that has your best interest in mind is valuable in your friendships. My mom used to have this saying. You are who you hang out with, and that's meant so many different things to me throughout my life. I like to surround myself with like-minded individuals who are successful in their own unique ways because success breeds success. If you're around people who are active in the community. Good things with their life and want a better future. You want those things for yourself. It attracts you as well. And I like to surround myself with people who build me up instead of break me down or who will speak highly of me in a room that I'm not in. As I get older, that circle has gotten a lot smaller and a lot closer because those people value the same things that I do. I just hope to continue to nurture those friendships as well, and I might find some more friends as I get older as well, that are like-minded. My grandma also, was part of a garden club, an orchid society in Fort Lauderdale. And all of her friends very like-minded. They liked their orchids, they liked watching them grow and they were very competitive at the same time. 'cause she wanted to win all the ribbons and she did. Staying in touch, keeping communication and building those friendships. Watering a plant, you have to keep watering it or it's just not gonna grow.

Ernestine 16:49

What are some misconceptions that people might have about the two of you? You have a very close relationship with Ryan.

Kandra 16:56

Yes.

Ernestine 16:57

What does he think about this?

Kandra 16:58

He thinks it's hilarious since he travels so much, he's like, good. You can step in. I'm the fill. You can be the man of the house. Yeah. The most common one. Is obviously that people think we're dating I think that's based on how many photos we post together on social media. Kind of gives that perception Yeah. That we're together. Even my grandma at one point asked, if Jay was Ryan in the Post and she was like, wow, you guys look so great together. And I was like. Grandma, that's Jay. And I do get a lot of comments on our post too of oh my gosh. Barbie and Ken

Jay 17:33

So funny, cute. Now she. Gets that a lot more than I do, but she's kind enough to share all of the screenshots with me. That is so funny. It never gets old, but it has been going on for years. it's hilarious. They're really misconceptions on a professional level. Because she's a realtor. Because I'm a designer, designers work with a lot of real estate agents and some of them can be extremely territorial. I can say with confidence lost, several, contacts, that I'm funneling, Kandra all my business and it's not even true. Yeah. We are friends first. But that's on a professional level, that is a misconception

Ernestine 18:15

what lessons about family and relationships would you pass along to a younger generation, maybe your 20-year-old self?

Kandra 18:22

One thing, I wish I knew earlier, relating to friendships is not everybody's going to be in your corner. Don't deduct from yourself to add to somebody else. Don't expect anything from anybody, but set your standards high for anybody that you let in your life. Pick your friendships wisely. Pick your relationships wisely. Be true to yourself and be true to the people you surround yourself with. I think that circles back to my twenties and, even younger than that, I was always. Upset if someone didn't like me or upset if a friend didn't wanna be my friend anymore. I used to cry about it. My mom would be like, why are you so upset? This person doesn't wanna be your friend anymore. Do you even like anything about them? Or, what's so important about this person that you're so upset about losing them? And it would come down to, I don't like me, people don't like me. Letting go of that feeling and loosening the reins of that and setting my standard a little higher for my relationships in my life.

Jay 19:15

I would say just being kind, kindness is so important. People get caught in the heat of the moment and they say things it hurt people's feelings. No matter how many apologies you make, it would take a thousand, just to undo that one hurtful thing that you said. Watch how you talk to people. Appreciate people protect the relationships that truly matter, and it's okay to create boundaries, even with family and people that you love.

Ernestine 19:44

What life lessons. Have you learned that you wish you knew earlier?

Jay 19:48

I wish I knew sooner that success doesn't equal happiness and that it's okay to change paths. Also, I wish I understood earlier that boundaries are a form of self-respect you don't have to earn your worth. You already have it. Also you work hard in your twenties. You work smart in your thirties. You work how you want in your forties. You work when you want in your fifties, and you work if you want in your sixties.

Ernestine 20:17

Nicely said.

Kandra 20:18

Circling back to protecting my piece setting that boundary, with your relationships, with your friendships. Some of us are so out there so quick to please other people that it doesn't fulfill us at the same time. I've really learned that, sometimes you do have to put yourself first. You don't have to put others down when you put yourself first. Protecting yourself in those moments and doing things that fulfill you are really important.

Ernestine 20:43

If you could plan a perfect friend day, what would it look like?

Kandra 20:47

Jay and I love our friend days and they turn into a full on weekend cause we'll do a full sleepover. We'll do the pool make hot dogs. Have some nice beverages. And then. Wear our fuzzy robes. We enjoy that as well. Easy day, something we can just hang out together and just relax and unwind and turn our brains off and just be present and hang out. Sing Lola lullaby before bed.

21:14

Yes.

Kandra 21:14

Which is just very sweet. And then we wake up in the morning, we have coffee and it's easy.

Jay 21:18

Anything involving a robe, good food, no schedule, zero pressure, comfort conversation, just being fully present. And then the next day our phones start blowing up with work and it's back to reality.

Ernestine 21:30

Philanthropy means different things to different people. What does philanthropy mean to you?

Jay 21:35

philanthropy means giving back in ways that are genuine and intentional, whether it's time, resources, expertise. To me, success isn't just what you accumulate, it's what you contribute. Today I proudly serve on the Board of Directors for Julie Weintraub's hands across the Bay I was on the board for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Dean Hetro Foundation for Melanoma Awareness, and these are all. Near and dear to me.

Kandra 22:05

For me, personally, Morton Plant has been a massive part of my life. I was born there, literally raised there. My mom actually just retired, from Morton Plant after 41 years of service. To me, philanthropy represents, the selfless act of giving, whether through time, resources, financial contributions, creating meaningful change, uplifting humanity. I was on the Skip Cline society committee and a member for about seven years and I just stepped off the committee to hopefully join another committee the Lois Odence scholarships and helping the Earn as You Learn program, which my mom was, so Bigly a part of for so long. And my love for the hospitals that's my other family too, all the nursing educators and I grew up with all of them.

Ernestine 22:50

That's great. Getting involved as a volunteer thank you for your service. How does it make you feel when you get involved in philanthropy?

Jay 22:57

Was in my twenties when I was sitting on boards. Was like, what do you guys want with some 25-year-old? But, these causes were near and dear to me., And it was also a great way for me to learn what was going on. If you're invested in something, you want to know what's going on and how you can help locally, nationally, and everywhere in between. I feel like it was, a great balance between a hard work day. And you're exhausted, but you still make it to these meetings and you leave with your cup full.

Kandra 23:28

I think it's very fulfilling the community has done so much for me growing up. It feels good to be able to give back in those ways. And, if you ask my mom, when I started my philanthropic. Events. I was probably 10 cutting tea sandwiches For the nurses. For the graduations. I can't look at a tea sandwich ever again because I had to cut all the crusts off of everyone's sandwiches for every single graduation and dip all the chocolate covered raspberries and strawberries I think it's awesome. And I love that I get to look back and laugh that's what I was doing in my childhood assisting, in that way. And then being able to, as an adult, join on my own and give my own time. Donate. In different ways and, help host events to raise money. The Skip Cline society was so much fun because it was a lot of young professionals and like-minded young professionals raising money for the pediatric units of Morton Plant. I loved being a part of that.

Ernestine 24:18

Thank you so much, both of you, for sitting down with me today. This has been fun.

Jay 24:23

Yeah, thanks for creating a space for this.

Kandra 24:25

Thank you for having us.

Ernestine 24:26

Thanks for listening to Bon Vivant Chic Life Well Lived. I hope you'll tune in for more meaningful stories on the human experience and share with family and friends. A special shout out to Will Cooper out of Nashville, Tennessee for creating this season's music. All the episodes are available wherever you listen to podcasts, including my website. bonvivantchic.com Till next time, remember, every day is a gift. Live it with kindness.