Episode 13 - with guest: Dr. Robb Kelly // addiction, healing, neuroscience

In this conversation, Dr. Robb Kelly shares his journey from addiction to recovery, emphasizing the role of childhood trauma in shaping behaviors and mental health. He discusses the importance of addressing the root causes of addiction rather than just the symptoms, and how nutrition and self-talk play crucial roles in recovery. 

The conversation also delves into the complexities of grief and its impact on the brain, highlighting the need for understanding and compassion in the healing process. In this conversation, Anne-Marie and Dr. Robb Kelly explore the complexities of grief, the importance of healing through feeling, and the necessity of living in the present moment. 

They discuss the societal pressures surrounding grief, the competition it creates, and how individuals often rush through their emotions. The dialogue shifts to the significance of finding one's identity beyond work and material possessions, emphasizing that true happiness comes from within. They also touch on the power of perspective and the importance of serving others as a means of fulfillment.

takeaways

• Childhood trauma is often the root cause of addiction.
• Alcoholism is not just about alcohol; it's about underlying issues.
• Nutrition plays a significant role in mental health.
• Self-talk can either hinder or help recovery.
• Grief has no set timeline and is unique to each individual.
• Healing involves addressing the subconscious mind.
• The brain's structure can change with trauma and healing.
• Identifying as an alcoholic can hinder recovery.
• Compassion and understanding are essential in the grieving process.
• Recovery is possible, and one can achieve their dreams despite past trauma. Grief is a personal journey and not a competition.
• Healing requires feeling and processing emotions.
• Living in the present is essential for mental well-being.
• Identity should not be tied solely to one's job.
• Material possessions do not define happiness.
• Perspective shapes our experiences and reactions.
• Serving others can lead to personal fulfillment.
• Worrying is often a wasted emotion that does not serve us.
• Understanding others' behaviors can help reduce conflict.
• True happiness comes from within, not from external validation.

Dr. Robb Kelly can be found online at: https://robbkelly.com/

You can find me online at www.dearpsychopomp.com

or contact@dearpsychopomp.com

I hope your weekend is gentle and full of opportunities ♡

Transcript

Joining us today is Dr. Robb Kelly, who helps people change their worlds using neuroscience and psychology. He is the founder of the Robb Kelly Recovery Group, and he's been featured on HBO, CNN, NBC, and more, speaking to his passion of showing clients how to look at their own thought patterns and behaviors that manifest from self-sabotaging and negative thinking.

Dr. Robb, thank you so much for being here. I just wanted to say that I've read some of your book and I'm so proud of how far you've come, everything you've accomplished, and how inspiring you are to other people going through the same things.

Dr Robb Kelly (00:47.13)
thank you. And it's great to be here. I know it's sometimes when they get on shows and they read back what I've done, it's like, wow, that's crazy. You know, but here I am, you know, and loving life and living life.

Anne-Marie J (00:55.764)
Mm-hmm.

Anne-Marie J (01:01.652)
Good, as it should be. That's the whole meaning of life is to love it, right? And so I'm a huge science nerd and I'm a life and death coach. If you've heard the podcast, I'm a death doula here in BC, Canada. And I'm truly inspired by your work using the positive psychology, coaching clients through mental wellness and addiction and trauma.

Dr Robb Kelly (01:03.724)
Yes. Yes.

Anne-Marie J (01:30.279)
and alcoholism.

Dr Robb Kelly (01:32.662)
Yeah, you know, many years ago, I suffered from alcoholism, lost children, houses, wives, ended up homeless, died twice on the streets because of my homelessness and I just couldn't take it anymore. It brought me back to life twice. I hated them guys for that. And eventually, through a nice spiritual experience I had, got off the streets after 14 months and decided for the rest of my life, I'm gonna...

Anne-Marie J (01:51.424)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (02:00.91)
go around and help people. So I was a licensed psychologist for many years over here and then found out different parts of the brain react to different diseases, especially with childhood trauma addiction, PTSD, depression, anxiety. So we pulled away from licensure, created a coaching company that changes the world. And we've been doing this for around 25 years.

with about 10,000 patients and a 98 % success rate.

Anne-Marie J (02:36.147)
That's amazing. Absolutely amazing. I know some of the listeners, including myself, I suffer from CPTSD. I lost my father to alcoholism. And it was just...

Dr Robb Kelly (02:37.356)
No, right?

Anne-Marie J (02:53.343)
the one thing that we do have in common is a family history of alcoholism. so presumably that also includes intergenerational trauma on your side. And can you speak to the many types of grief that one goes through when you're breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma?

Dr Robb Kelly (03:18.094)
You know, it's childhood trauma is the gateway drug. Let's just put that in there. First, alcoholics are born and drug addicts are made. So they're the two things that we found out. What happened with me with my childhood trauma and everybody has childhood trauma, by the way, if you don't, it's probably worse than you think and hidden in the subconscious mind. It's everything. Now, I'm a lot older than most people listening. I'm 64. So going back early to the 70s, maybe, maybe.

early 70s, everything was normalized when everything went wrong. So although I was molested by the priest, when I told my mom, she hit me with a wooden shoe and sent me upstairs to bed saying, don't you ever accuse our great, you know, church leader like that. So from that, that affected my whole life. So the running of emotions through life.

The alcoholism were born this way, generational thing we can explain later. But the drug addiction with the addictive personality was a place to hide. It was a place to get away from everybody and anything and become my safe place to go. But I had problems with my intimacy, I had problems with relationships, I had problems I couldn't keep a job. And this was all down to the trauma that I'd suffered as a child. So when people say,

today, you know, let's address the child of trauma. We haven't found anybody yet that addresses the child of trauma. They will address the molestation, the accident, the divorce, alcoholics and addicts are more sensitive to childhood trauma. And it was simple as this from my mother to me. How many times have I told you, Robert, you can't go to college like your brother, you're too stupid. Now that stayed with me and to a certain point stays with me today.

So when I'm stepping on the big stage and there's 80,000 people waiting for me to speak at the side, all that stuff comes back. No matter how hard you work in it, the subconscious brain tries to kill you and make it look like an accident and all that stuff will come back. So the emotional roundabout that I've been on for so many years, and then only about five or six years ago, and did I fully find out what I'd been missing. The part of me that I'd never spoke about, the part of me that I blocked out completely. And when I changed that,

Dr Robb Kelly (05:39.062)
I finally found my identity. Once one finds one identity, all better off. You can achieve anything you want to achieve. mean, unless you've got serious brain damage, you can recover from everything. We have cured addiction, childhood trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety. We've cured all of that. We haven't cured alcoholism because there is no cure. We're born this way from the fetus to the time when either we die or we try to kill ourselves or we drink, you know, we fall into this alcoholic.

path where the hypothalamus takes over. So yeah, I mean, it's been a ride, but I can honestly say I have a couple of things that I don't think a lot of people have. Number one, today I have enough. I don't care what people think about me, I don't care what they say about me. I've done my own work, I'm proud of who I am, I love my life today. And we do a lot of giving back to people that society as a whole doesn't really know about.

but it's constant giving back, helping people that were just like me, you know, helping one parent families get the kids back or, you know, paying rent for 12 months in an apartment so the kid can come back and the judge is okay with it. And I mean, it's just constant, probably about $200,000 would give back me and my wife into communities in England and USA. Because when I was suffering, nobody had a solution.

And they couldn't tell me medical fraternity is still baffled with addiction, still baffled, no idea what they're talking about. And I just wanted to delve in more and find out what are we missing here? See the problem is with getting well and trying to build a business around that is there's not a lot of money around getting people well. Okay. The food industry gets us sick and the pharmaceutical companies keep us sick. So if you get well, you're a lost customer to them. So nobody's going to tell you stuff that I talk about.

Anne-Marie J (07:25.043)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (07:34.734)
They're just not going to do it and there's a lot of things in the body that we don't know Maybe just go to the supermarket We did a live thing you did down TV and I was showing people, you know the bad stuff were eaten so we went alive into what we call HGV it's a shopping mall and We went straight to the health part health area and this bar was nine grams of protein zero fat and The camera went went point to it

So it's a well-known brand. I took it off the shelf and look at the camera going, isn't that amazing? And then we turn the package round. The first ingredient, canola oil. We can't methylate that. Second ingredient, sunflower oil. We can't methylate that. Third ingredient, GMO. We're just eating plastic food. We're eating food that we can't methylate. So you have all these diseases that are coming up. It's because we can, if everything we eat,

We don't use it in the form that we eat it. It has been methylated into a source that we can use for the human body. Well, the canola oils, the rancid oils of this world and many, many other ingredients, we can't methylate. So when we eat this stuff that's supposed to be good to us, we can't methylate it. When you can't methylate a food or protein, there becomes a deficiency. When there's a deficiency, there comes the illness or disease, heart problems, cancer. All this stuff stems from that.

Nobody's talking about that because it's not good business. Well, we're off now and we're off now.

Anne-Marie J (08:58.879)
Yeah, we truly become what we consume and that's not just food either, that's social media and the people we surround ourselves with and the thoughts that we have because our parents' voices do become our subconscious thoughts. you know, I had been told that I wouldn't amount to anything.

I would be homeless on the street and they wouldn't look twice at me. Just horrible, terrible things to tell a child. And I find that we become the adults that we needed.

Anne-Marie J (09:48.307)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (09:48.942)
I've heard that before, that is so true.

Anne-Marie J (09:51.452)
It's, yeah, because I mean, if you look at it, I am the very chill, very easygoing, empathetic, you know, scientific. I love science. And it's just exactly who I needed, which is also originally when I was younger, I wanted to become a police officer. I wanted to protect people.

And, you know, then I got Crohn's and everything like that. But I find that the biggest thing that was an issue with my father and his alcoholism, of course, like you say, you know, treating the problem, not the symptoms. And he didn't know what the problem was.

But when he had this socially acceptable form of dissociation, that's when he felt he could open up.

Dr Robb Kelly (11:00.814)
Yeah.

Anne-Marie J (11:02.555)
And so it kind of became a crutch for him to talk about what was hurting him because he couldn't do it when he was sober because he didn't think that anyone would listen.

Dr Robb Kelly (11:14.254)
Yeah, yeah, we see that time and time again. It's kind of sad really, you know?

Anne-Marie J (11:18.079)
Mm-hmm.

Anne-Marie J (11:21.943)
And then I was, you know, parentified and became the therapist. And I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know. And, know, that's one of my, I wouldn't say regrets, but wishes. I wish I knew more about my father and his story so that I can understand more about my story.

Dr Robb Kelly (11:28.076)
Yeah. Yeah.

Dr Robb Kelly (11:46.904)
Yeah, yeah.

Anne-Marie J (11:48.809)
So know he lost his father to alcoholism.

I know how, I'm pretty sure he was in his teens, like I never met him, it's

you know, the problem. So if we distill this down.

What keywords would you give?

as the problem for people to search for in those negative self-talk.

Dr Robb Kelly (12:26.21)
When we say we don't concentrate on the alcohol or the drugs or the food or porn or sex, we don't concentrate on that. So let's look at the symptom alcohol, but let's look at the root cause. Alcohol has 1 % to do with alcoholism.

Anne-Marie J (12:26.259)
with themselves.

Dr Robb Kelly (12:46.304)
and the same with every other addiction. Porn has 1 % to do with porn. It's completely what you know about addiction and alcoholism and childhood trauma. Throw it away. We've been teaching the wrong books. It'll be okay, there, there, there. No. Our studies, and we've studied everything and trialed and researched over the 20th years that have been in America, cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars, the stick alcoholism.

Anne-Marie J (12:59.987)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (13:15.79)
Again, we're born this way. Well, that's impossible. We're born this way. We've changed it back to, you know, before birth, the imprinted cells. And so let's treat the problem. The problem is, is the brain. did never had a drinking problem. I tell people I have a thinking problem. My thought plans are distorted, like many other addicts and alcoholics and depressed people. And we think differently to other people. And people don't understand this, you know, depression is the silent killer.

Because everyone, I mean, look at the comedians. And most comedians I've ever met, whether it be in Vegas or, you know, anywhere, Florida, are sad people by nature. So start concentrating on what you can see and start going underneath and finding out what's really going on. So when we were looking at the brain, we used to do 95 % alcohol, drugs, 5 % everybody else. Now we do 95%, you know.

We teach entrepreneurs, we heal people, we do a lot more than anybody else does. Because I was adamant that something's going on in the brain that nobody knows about. So when we discovered the brain, alcoholism is the best way to describe it, because it really makes sense. Is we found out that three parts of the brain reset every 24 hours. We found out that the hypothalamus is...

So we're talking about disease. is it a disease? So the hypothalamus from birth tells us as human beings controls temperature and obviously tells us to eat food, drink water to survive. That's it. An early age, the baby, you know, either cries with hand in its mouth or to tell you it's hungry, knows from birth that he needs to drink water and eat food to survive. It's a survival part of the brain. When the survival part of the brain is telling you to eat and drink, even for so many years, it then becomes a working

of the mind. Once it becomes a working part of the mind, we don't have to think about it, we just do it naturally, what we call a knee-jerk reaction. At a certain point with the alcoholic, usually in the 20s or 30s, the hypothalamus switches completely different and does a 180 to the alcoholics and it tells us to drink alcohol to survive and not food or water. That's why we can go days or weeks without food or water.

Dr Robb Kelly (15:39.534)
when the hypothalaminus is telling me my survival part of the brain, if you don't drink alcohol, you're going to die. That's the madness, even though it's the opposite way around. The basal ganglia is another serious part of the brain when we're talking about everything, behavior and everything like that. It's kind of a repetition strength that confirms part of the brain. So if you can imagine a clock face, this is what we do with childhood trauma. So 12 o'clock we're doing just fine, 10 after...

We either go on a bender or we do something crazy of self-sabotage. 20 after we come back with our tail between our legs, half past the wife lets us back in the house. 22, you get that amazing job offer at last and it turns out we smash it all down again. That's how the trauma had been imprinted on the basal ganglia. So, you know, that needs to be fixed as well. And the amygdala, the amygdala is where all the trauma is, amongst other things. But, you know, we have so much trauma.

Anne-Marie J (16:20.447)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (16:32.728)
that we stuff down and stuff down and the subconscious brain is stores everything from birth. That's traumatic. Everything. And even if you don't think it's traumatic, it probably is and it stores it and it stores it and it stores it. And the subconscious brain is very, very clever at releasing that information to you just at the wrong time or as far as he's concerned, the right time. So when you're just about to go in for the interview, ask that girl, him married, have a babe.

Anne-Marie J (16:55.199)
you

Dr Robb Kelly (17:01.614)
The subcontinent will come to you and go, who do think you are? I added loads of times on the side, I did with the TV studios on the side of a stage ready to go on. It'll start, who do you think you are? You are homeless, you come from the projects, you are next to nothing back in England. Who do you think you are? Nobody. And I've got to squash that straight away with a mantra that I have, but it will always attack. So when we heal the basil ganglia, which is the child of trauma.

We go back, we uncover, discover, discard of said trauma. There may be 10, there may be hundreds, who knows? Then you start to heal. Then the brain function as a whole looks completely different. But we took it one further than that. And what we found is this. Once neural pathways, there are billions in the head, but with childhood trauma, most neural pathways in the head are self-sabotaging. Whatever that looks like to the person.

So most of the times when the prefrontal cortex is asking for a solution as quick as possible to a problem it's discovered it will shoot straight to the subconscious brain. So most of the decisions are going to be wrong. 300 neuro pathways die every single day. What are you replacing them with? Are you still replacing them with the same old same old I'm no good I'm a waste of time? Or are you replacing them with good stuff new routines? Happy.

Anne-Marie J (18:13.983)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (18:28.834)
complimenting people, know, doing things we're not supposed to do as one sick people. I'm not supposed to be here doing what I do. The odds against me coming from where I come from, the lower end of the projects, making something, you know, got a house and children and then being homeless and lost everything to where I am now, it's humanly impossible. I always say this. So what happens is when we talk in deeper, it's like once we have that change of neural pathways, in my mind,

Okay, guys, you've all heard mind over matter. Mind, you can't see it, touch it, feel it. Over matter, the brain is matter, mind over matter. Okay, once that happens, this mind connects with another energy outside you and the changing neural pathways happen, your DNA changes. Why is that important? I'm not the same person as I was, all them years ago. I'm just not the same person.

And this is what we talk about healing. It's a permanent solution for a temporary fix at the time. Everyone thinks we're doomed. I've stopped calling myself an alcoholic. don't identify as that or any kind of addict. don't identify it. You know, my name is Dr. Rob Kelly. I run four successful businesses. I have a great wife, three multiple dogs and a cat. I live in a house I always dreamed of. I drive cars I only dreamed of and I'm helping thousands and thousands of people. You know, we give back. I'm living that dream.

where people don't think they can. And that idea of once I'm kind of this way, that's me for life, has to be smashed. Once you find your identity, you can do anything. Now, years ago, they used to say the same thing to me. It's, you can be anybody you want. Well, I can't be president of the United States. That's what they all used to say to me over here. Let's forget the political views for a second, man, and take you back a few years. We had a freaking businessman growing in the country with no experience whatsoever.

Don't dare tell me you can't achieve your dreams. Somebody's put that there. It's just not true.

Anne-Marie J (20:32.103)
Mm hmm. I think part of it is.

There's such a need for going fast and getting everything immediately. have Google at our fingertips and just the internet. I think mixing that with social media, with all of the funny videos and things like that, it skewed our realistic expectations that we can have.

And if you don't have that end goal.

then you're gonna stumble through. So if you remember, you know, I had an episode where I did realistic expectations of the 21st century. And so realistically, yes, you can heal. You're not going to be this magical being who has forgotten what pain feels like or forgotten the experiences, or maybe you have, I mean, I don't remember.

like the first 30 years of my life, but it's setting those realistic expectations. you know, movies tell us that we get our happily ever after, but they don't say that you still have to do the dishes and you're still going to have loss and you still have to go through the motions. There's going to be good days and bad days and absolutely mundane days. So I think having that

Anne-Marie J (22:11.603)
that realistic expectation of happiness is a choice and it'll come in waves just like every other emotion. And I think that a very mentally healthy person is in touch with all of their emotions equally. And so one thing that I find with my clients is

Dr Robb Kelly (22:35.63)
Mm-hmm.

Anne-Marie J (22:41.341)
They stay stuck in grief because that is the last emotion that they had around this loved one or their beloved animals or their job or their entire identity. And so to be able to...

not stay in grief. You can honour it and it's going to be a scar that you'll wear for the rest of your life. But living in it is living in denial as well. And I was wondering if you could tell the listeners a bit about how grief physically changes our brains.

Dr Robb Kelly (23:26.414)
It's funny you should ask that because two days ago I was on the World Conference for grief. It's called a grief conference, world conference and know, the white. Yes. Yeah.

Anne-Marie J (23:36.888)
is that with Tony Lynch? Yeah, he's my adopted older brother.

Dr Robb Kelly (23:42.666)
No, yeah, yeah, I absolutely adore Tony. So yeah, there's a lot of things happen, know, different parts of the brain and people start, once we start getting to grief, people feel sad at the time, but then it carries on, then they feel guilty about breathing. And my answer is that different parts of the brain, including the basal ganglia, is hit by this.

Anne-Marie J (23:47.258)
he's amazing.

Dr Robb Kelly (24:10.83)
and that after a certain time, obviously it gets better, but never to feel guilty about the feelings that you're feeling at the time, you have to mourn. know, years ago, and somebody said to me, I can't come in today, Dr. Rob, my dog died. And I'm like, what? What do mean your dog died? You better get your ass in here, we're busy, but I didn't understand it at all. It was about 19, I don't know, 17 years ago. But today, I have three English bulldogs, man, we had to put one.

down, she was at cancer about 12 months ago and it absolutely destroyed me. It destroyed me. And what I found is I needed time to heal of that completely and I needed to be kind to myself and I needed to have that time period when I was kind to myself and mourned about that and like you said, gets better and better and better but I love what you said Anne, the scar will always be there. I mean, today when we see a dog that looks like a

you know, my wife kind of sad and so I'm sad as well. It's just, it's crazy how, you know, it affects and causes depression, you know, causes PTSD. That amygdala jumps in the basal ganglia again, three important parts of the brain that this all affects and it becomes, well, it's not a disease or illness, but it almost becomes like it because there's nothing you can do about it, you know?

So when we'll look, I mean, there's a couple of things, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex kicks in. I make notes, so bear with me while I just do this. So what happens is the awareness and the coping doesn't happen because the trauma of such a fat and the sadness, it actually takes over. so the coping and stress, the part of the VPC shrinks so that we can't cope as well.

You see, a lot of people know that. The feeling of being torn between, get right and it's okay, you should get over that. Just get over it, it's been a long time. That's the anterior cingular cortex. Again, with any kind of trauma, any kind of stuff like that, it shrinks and it doesn't operate well. So that also extends the time. It's crazy, the hippocampus is the big one. You just need time to go through this and understand what you're going through and heal about.

Dr Robb Kelly (26:30.008)
There's no timeframe in That's not what you're from. There's no timeframe. But the more you put into situations where it reminds you of, after a few years we found is it's kind of a smile, knowing quite well that in our case, was Mackenzie, my female bulldog, that she all shows the signs of their uncle Bob and my mum and dad are always with me. I can feel them and that they're with me and...

Anne-Marie J (26:33.843)
No.

Dr Robb Kelly (26:58.638)
I believe in God. I don't go to church, don't read the Bible, nothing like that. It's kind of a spiritual God and I ask for stuff and it's delivered. You know, so the scar again, but now it's like I can see Mackenzie in the corner, I my mom and dad, my uncle Bob who had a huge infection in my life. They're all there. So even though, like you say before, know, scar will always be there, but it becomes a scar that doesn't itch anymore.

becomes a scar that, you know, it's livable with. So just amazing, you know, but you have to understand the full, you know, the quantum physics and the science behind the brain to understand that all these things are going on. It's not just you. All these things are going on. You just can't get over it. It's, that's not the case. You know, there's a biological reaction that can really affect us.

Anne-Marie J (27:29.865)
Mm-hmm.

Anne-Marie J (27:49.49)
Mm hmm. Absolutely. And I think you touched on how there's no proper timeline or anything for grieving. And there's not because every situation is unique to every person based on nature versus nurture versus everything else. And I think my theory is we are in a rush to grieve because other people

are uncomfortable with our grief because they see us grieving for what they say is too long and they say that because next time I'm grieving, I don't want to be feeling those bad feelings for as long as they did. So if they can get through it quickly, that means I can later on.

Dr Robb Kelly (28:42.466)
Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Anne-Marie J (28:42.855)
And so it's this weird grief competition.

Anne-Marie J (28:48.601)
And I always say that grief is not a competition. You you've had your losses and so have I.

while there may be similarities, it's not, there's no award for grieving the hardest or grieving for the shortest amount of time or anything like that. And I feel that

Dr Robb Kelly (29:04.718)
you

Anne-Marie J (29:19.401)
You know, I always say that the healing is in the feeling. So as much as we are nowadays into rushing things, because we've kind of glamorized being busy and productive and having no time, and to be able to sit down.

with no TV, no distractions, no phone, maybe a pen and paper or guided meditation or something like that to just allow your body to think about those things and to cry those tears and to feel that anger because most people get stuck in grief because they don't want to feel those bad feelings.

Dr Robb Kelly (30:09.346)
Yeah. Yeah.

Anne-Marie J (30:11.475)
But the quicker, the irony of it is if you let it happen, you will heal quicker than if you avoid it.

Anne-Marie J (30:24.423)
And it just, it sucks. We don't like doing things that suck. And I get it, but life sucks sometimes. Often, when you're not expecting it. And it's not necessarily what you go through. It's how you get through it mentally.

Dr Robb Kelly (30:33.144)
Yeah.

Dr Robb Kelly (30:48.59)
That's the big one. It's how you get through mentally. That's the saver or the loser with this. It's like, I have to say nobody can hurt you unless you put your perspective on what they've just said to you. You know, it's just...

Anne-Marie J (30:50.655)
Mm-hmm.

Anne-Marie J (31:02.428)
Absolutely.

Dr Robb Kelly (31:03.598)
Our brains are different. Everything around us is different. It's your way. But like you say today, we're looking at the iPhones and the pads and the work and everyone's got to lose their jobs. you you get you get a guy. I always kind of put this scenario, you get a guy at work and the boss comes over. It's Monday and he goes, hey, Jimmy, don't forget that report. I need it on my desk on Friday by noon. Yeah, yeah, boss. problems. Tuesday goes by. I've got to do that report. Wednesday goes by. Yeah, I've got to do it tomorrow. Thursday comes Friday morning, comes 6am. It wakes up.

I've not done the report. So he gets into work and he types absolutely crazy. He's sweating, he's gulping down coffee. He's trying to do as as he can at five minutes to the hour. Bang! He presses go and he convinces himself he works well under pressure. Nobody works well under pressure. The body is not meant to work under that pressure. Why are you putting yourself? There's a lot more to it. So when you trace that back of that guy, you find out all the childhood trauma and all the stuff in his family's life were last minute.

Everything was lost, man. Everything gets put off, everything. And relationships don't last and you can't keep a job. know, all this crazy stuff that I show in science today is insane. people... One of the things I did some two, three years ago was just, we only have the now. I used to hate that saying when people say, well, it's just one day at a time. It's like, shut up. life is now. Life is not tomorrow.

Anne-Marie J (32:23.551)
You

Right? Be present.

Dr Robb Kelly (32:30.144)
Life is not yesterday, life is now. Everything you need or want right now is here right now. Why are you worrying still? So I slowed everything down psychologically. And it just became, was like somebody lifted a tonne weight off my shoulders. Now, again, I don't care what people think of me today. really don't. People say that and don't really mean that. I said it for years and years, but you know, you could cut me with two words.

or even one word and you'd never know but I'd be suffering for days. I spoke at, there was a place in California I spoke, there was a thousand people there. And I turned up and he said to me after the talk, you know, we've put an extra like 90 minutes on because every single person in here comes to the stage and they shake your hand, dude, thank you for coming. I mean, I came from Texas, it's a long way.

Anne-Marie J (33:03.423)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (33:22.126)
And sure enough, finished and no vision and the friends say, well, 999 and said it was amazing. And one person said it was terrible. I was too angry. You know, have a guess who I concentrated on for the next three months and almost relapsed. That one guy. See what happens with childhood trauma with the subconscious brain is the subconscious brain is vigilantly watching every day, every minute of day for something to go wrong.

He's expecting it to go on so he can jump on that one thing. That one minute school that went, that didn't happen, but he'll jump on that. And he makes a big thing and it hijacks the rest of the brain. So you're a waste of time, you rubbish, you can't do this. When 99 % of the brain is going, you talking about? It was awesome. People loved it. And it all kinds of ties into the mourning, the addiction, the anxiety, it all ties in. And if you can live today,

I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow and my assistant will send my day over tonight at eight o'clock. Every eight o'clock, there's your day. And I can handle that because I don't want to know what's tomorrow. What can I cram in today? How can I help people? I work vigilantly with my patients and all this other stuff that we're doing right now. We have lot of fingers in lots of different pies because I love being busy, but it's only today.

You know, if I don't stand here and breathe.

Dr Robb Kelly (34:50.894)
because we only breathe 45 % of our lung capacity. That's where most of the illness comes from. The presence of oxygen equals the lack of disease. We don't take oxygen because we're always busy, we're always trying to move to the next door. You know, I used to drive home, was four miles away from home. I used to drive home, oh, get out of the way. Where am I going? There's nothing at home. I'm going to get out home, the TV on and sit down. What? And I'm bibbing the... Get out of the way. It's craziness.

But it's what the world has become. It's like, need to stop, man. You need to stop. And we go in our house. I only work four or five hours at the most a day. Me and my wife, we get home, we get our cell phones, we put it in a box, and we put the box on the kitchen table, and we sit down and we do stuff. And we do that for three hours. And after the three hours, you can go back and look at it by all means, but it ain't ruining our lives.

Anne-Marie J (35:38.143)
Hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (35:44.302)
You going, I own a restaurant next door. It's called the whole thing. It's tea shop. It's a British restaurant with all British food and stuff like that from England. And we have a box at the front of it and it says phones and people going, what do you want my phone for? Yeah. Pretend it's 1970. Talk to each other. And Matt, people has come on. Oh my God, that's unbelievable. God, if we're not talking like this for ages. Thank you so much for saving our family. Like people coming in who's going to file for divorce. When they have an hour or two conversation.

Anne-Marie J (36:02.431)
You

Dr Robb Kelly (36:13.454)
Even with the kids, it changes people. We forgot another human being how they feel. We forgot how to be present and intimate with another human being. You know, I speaking to a kid who was trying to get warnings and I said to him, how many friends you got? I'm up to about 5,500 now. I went, brilliant. All your friends, well, on Facebook. Dude, you're plugged into the wall. What? You're plugged into the wall, You ain't got, what?

Anne-Marie J (36:34.387)
Mm-hmm

Dr Robb Kelly (36:40.282)
And we've lost that. part of this company as well is getting that back, you know, learn how to be human again. And you know, take a load of pressure off you, learn how to be you. you know, we did everything I say, and we've surveyed, I'm crazy on survey and researching. We were amazed how many people drive Mercedes cars. So, because they're like the affordable posh car. I the Porsches are, you know, expensive, but

Anne-Marie J (36:48.179)
Yes.

Dr Robb Kelly (37:07.874)
The only reason they drove the car is because they had a badge in the next door neighbor, pissing them off to make you think that I'm rich and in you. So they went deeper than that. Why do people buy Louis Vuitton bags? Yeah. or, you know, all sorts of crazy bags. So it's to show the people are the rich. Well, guess what? No rich people buys Louis Vuitton. They get it free. The middle class and the lower class, they buy Louis Vuitton trying to look like the rich people. It's insane.

It's insane what people, you know, they spend five grand for a purse and they can't pay the electricity bill that month. I mean, it's insane, you know? I used to be there. I used to be one of those people, but you know, that's the kind of stuff we teach today. It's not just addiction. It's like how to find you again. We find this with women that, you know, separate or divorce from the men. It's like they come out of that marriage with no identity.

They have no idea because it was his football team. was his blah, blah, blah. And they come out and they've lost it completely. And we have to start building by finding their identity. Cause most people don't know their identity. It's like, you know, you have a job for like 30 years and then the job ends all of a sudden. What's your identity used to be the job, but what is it now? Many, many people say, don't know. I just don't know.

Anne-Marie J (38:28.157)
Yeah. I had that when I left my last job. I was a 911 dispatcher and I made it my identity because I was so proud of it. I thought it was so cool. It, know, tons of over time I was there constantly and and then I left because of my health and it was like, okay, who am I now?

Dr Robb Kelly (38:55.276)
now. It's crazy because people think that their job is like, we're all family and you're not family. You walk around the same piece of carpet for eight hours. Let's get real about this. You know, find your identity. Do something outside there. Say again.

Anne-Marie J (38:58.471)
What do I do?

Anne-Marie J (39:08.275)
Yeah, we're all getting paid.

Anne-Marie J (39:12.425)
We're all getting paid to be there.

Dr Robb Kelly (39:14.046)
Exactly. One reason you go to work. because I love magic. No, no, no. If they said do it free, you wouldn't do it. We go to work for one thing and that's to make money to earn, to make a living, to look after our family. That's it. Don't be dragged into all this. There's no such thing as a permanent job these days. And that's one thing I'm proud of me is I own, I have toys, I have everything I need. Would you know something? Take it all the way tomorrow. It ain't going to bother me.

me in a tent in the middle of the park with my wife, three English bulldogs and my cat and I'll be just as inspiring tomorrow as I am today. I don't get connected with those things. I just really don't. I own nice things. like watches. I like cars. They're kind of the things I love. I, like my dad always told me, do not go into debt for anything that's kind of your dream. So if you can pay cash for it, then have it. And that's what we've done all the time. And material things don't own us. They really, I don't care about the messager's badge on the front, he cares.

You know, but there comes a point when you run for business that you have to buy expensive cars for the tax write off. So we have the Range Rovers and we have the, you know, all the big car that are tax write off. They're not, it's not showing me, look at me, look at me, I'm rich. It's either look at me paying this 150 grand either to have a car, which I get full writer from selling the 6,000 pounds or I give it to the taxman. Oh, it was a no brainer. You know, and it's legal. Yeah. It's just need to look at your life.

Anne-Marie J (40:39.209)
Yeah, mean things are wonderful and the toys and everything like that, but you when we die we don't get to take those with us.

Dr Robb Kelly (40:50.166)
Yeah, and that's when you can get emotionally attached. Can't get emotionally attached to that stuff, you know? You really can't. I've been poor and I've been rich and don't get me wrong guys, I choose rich every single time. But because of my background, nothing's defining me. Well, if I don't have this, I did all that, I did all that in Dallas and I was still the most miserable person in the world. Coming out this beautiful house.

Anne-Marie J (40:50.975)
It's all borrowed. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (41:15.79)
with my second wife, getting into my fantastic new 911 Turbo, cost like $180,000, going to my offices in Highland Park, very, very posh, miserable, absolutely miserable. And this was only like nine, 10 years ago, miserable. I had to find out who I was. had to find out that it's an inside job. Don't get attached to money. Don't get attached to, well, it's okay for you to say that, because now I'm telling you, don't get attached to that stuff. It will come.

If you're in the right mind, getting you right first, look after you first and everything else will fall into place, man. We block things off around us from our past behavior. So neural pathways can't connect to health, to wealth, to happiness because subconscious brain keeps coming in and tells you not worthy. And instead of connecting that neural pathway, it flails off because somebody's, you know, I don't know about you, but when I was a kid in England, used to kick a football around.

Hey Jimmy, what do want to be when you grow up? I want to be a doctor. What about you Billy? I want to be an actor. What happened to them dreams? I'll tell you, they were kicked out of us by our family and friends. Don't be stupid, you can't play football. Says who? That's what Big is saying today. Well, you can't. Says who? And it's a conversation stopper. Me and my wife got married on a Saturday and on a Monday we had an argument about something silly.

And I said, I'm not doing this anymore. And she said, that's the way marriage is. And I said, says who? And we both looked at each other. We throw things at one another. I'm surprised I've been in there. I'm like a rubber shoe at me. We have a great relationship because we're not following the norm. Says who? You can have anything you want. You can be anybody you want to be man. I'm telling you, I've proven it millions of times with the guys that follow me. It's just stop putting the brakes on your imagination.

There's no ceiling in this life. I mean, we're for a short period of time. We spend most of the time worrying. 90 % of stuff we worry about never comes true. It just, you've got to let life happen. You've got to let the universe, you know, show you what it's got for you. You've got to stop worrying about stuff, man. It just ages you. That's all it does. My mum used to say like worrying and jealousy were wasted emotions. my God, was she true?

Anne-Marie J (43:35.93)
Hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (43:37.582)
You know, so that's how I live today. I've, I always say I'm living the dreams that are dreaming of living. Cause when I was on the streets, I used to dream of living. I walked past houses, I've got a couple of children in there and you know, they'd be all sat around the table. And I said, you know, I just, God, if you're up there, I just, I just want one day of doing that, man. I I couldn't even think about sitting on a table with a family. You know, four years ago, my daughter got in contact with me after 30 years.

I flew over there within four hours where I'm playing. I get there the next day, I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. She opens the door, we hugged, we cried. And this is what happens when you do the right thing. She took me by my hand. She led me into a front room, a living room. And she handed me my three month old granddaughter. She's my lead therapist in my Manchester office. This is what happens when you do all the things that Anne and I have just talked about. This isn't a myth, It's like some sort of, you know, comedy thing, you know, well, I'm sure that.

No, it really does happen. You know, but you've got to live in the now. Deal tomorrow when it comes, man. What can you fit in today? Don't procrastinate. What can you fit in today that you have a full day, you help a bunch of people and you haven't hurt anybody? Life will change.

Anne-Marie J (44:55.049)
True. To serve is to be served. It just fills your cup. you know, I truly believe that what other people think of me is none of my business.

Dr Robb Kelly (44:59.06)
I miss that man.

Dr Robb Kelly (45:11.79)
That's it. And it's hard, it's hard to get, I don't know about you Anne, but for me it's hard to get there. This nursery round your teeth, sticks and stones will break my bone, but words will never hurt. Oh, it's such a big lie. Of course words hurt us, we're human beings, but to get to a point where you and I are, is, I really don't care. Yeah, what are you going to do to me that I haven't done to myself? I mean, come on. You know, and it's such, I'm so glad you got there, because you're lot younger than me, but it took me a long time.

Anne-Marie J (45:22.985)
Yes.

Anne-Marie J (45:35.337)
Mm-hmm. Well, the thing is...

Dr Robb Kelly (45:41.484)
Last two years, that's all, and did I get to that price?

Anne-Marie J (45:46.16)
It's hard to get to that place. It's definitely a lesson that I had to learn a few times before it stuck. And I've, you know, I stumbled upon it doing the shadow work with trying to move through how my parents treated me. And so I've come to really feel and know that how other people treat you is a reflection of themselves.

and they can only meet you as far as they've met themselves. And the thing that gets us is that the only people that we really know are ourselves. And so we have this natural assumption that other people that we interact with are going to be like us as well. And so when they're not, that's when we have conflict and personality issues and different cognitive

Dr Robb Kelly (46:20.12)
Dang.

Anne-Marie J (46:44.767)
abilities and things like that. And I think that's also why people are so drawn to things like true crime, because they're like, I would never do that. How can someone else do that? I'm so curious, like, what was wrong with them? And we almost watched true crime just to be like, well, my life's pretty good. I'm doing good.

Dr Robb Kelly (47:05.038)
Wow, that was a mic drop then. Dang, can only meet you when you... my God, it's so true. I've never heard that said before, but God, that hit me right in the heart. So true.

Anne-Marie J (47:08.102)
thank you.

Yeah, and just some people haven't met themselves and they might not.

Dr Robb Kelly (47:20.194)
Yeah, that's another one. They might not stand.

Anne-Marie J (47:27.379)
Yeah, you can't expect other people to do the work that you would. What's that saying? Like, just because you don't eat the lion doesn't mean he's not going to eat you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. So as we wrap up here, I'm just having the most wonderful discussion with you. I want to thank you again for being here. And where can our listeners?

Dr Robb Kelly (47:31.394)
Yeah.

Dr Robb Kelly (47:36.952)
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I love that.

Anne-Marie J (47:57.074)
Find you online.

Dr Robb Kelly (47:58.862)
So if you're listening and not watching guys, I've spent my day with two B's, R-O-B-B-K-E-L-O-Y.com or Dr. Rob Kelly in any search engine will come up on all the social medias just for this show, okay? I don't know how many views you've got.

But just for this show guys, let's do it carefully. We have a software called it's called the breath box. It's a nine dimensional breath work with subliminal messaging and I it's changing lives just after an hour. So listen to carefully. If you get in contact with me and say you've seen us on this show or mention and I'm going to set you up for a free 20 minutes. It's telehealth online free 20 minute 90 breath work therapy session. Mind blowing.

It's like five years of therapy and one hour. It's just people, it's what we use with The Rich and Famous. We take this system out and we use it and we use medical infrared, which is photo modulation units. But 90, I can do it online, man. So if you say, listen, I love it, and I saw you on the show, I'm going to sign you up with one of our people, In fact, I'm going to sign you up with the CEO of Breathbox, which is like a company underneath me, I own Breathbox.

I'm going set you up with a CEO to take you through 20 minutes free of charge. And there's no catch. We don't want your business. We've enough. I've got enough money. Thank you. But just come and listen and it'll change your world. promise you. and one more thing. Just for listeners here and watchers, this book, please don't buy it Amazon. This book, Daddy Daddy, Please Stop Drinking is the last thing my daughter said to me when the authorities took them off me. If you mention and myself or this podcast.

Anne-Marie J (49:25.427)
Thank you, thank you so much. yes.

Dr Robb Kelly (49:41.28)
I'll sign this to you, I'll send it out free of charge, I'll pay for shipping and everything. But if you say you've seen this show on one condition, you pass it on to somebody else who would thoroughly enjoy it. That's it guys, boom, we're in today, bang.

Anne-Marie J (49:53.983)
Bam, beautiful. Thank you so much.

Dr Robb Kelly (49:59.98)
Of course, thank you, and it's been an absolute pleasure. You know, I just, do thousands of these and I'll tell you something now. And I don't think I've ever said this. I could sit down with you for the next five hours and I don't think we'll be bored. We'd still be talking because he's like two friends. I don't even know who you are, but he's like two friends. And how this works for us guys, just to let you know how this works for us is we turn a lot of them off. We don't do podcasts usually, but my media director Courtney, she...

strolls the internet, or I want to say day and night, I'm sure she does, and she finds people that changing the world and she watches one of the podcasts and she goes, my God. So we've stopped asking how many listeners, we've started asking how many lives does that girl save? And that's when Courtney comes after you, you were handpicked to put us together. Yeah, it's really, it's not like anybody else does. mean, everyone wants to sell the program, sell the books and everything. We don't sell nothing. It's like, she knew that if we knew got together.

world will change and that's all I want. So you my girl are amazing at what you do in saving lives and you're beautiful and you're intelligent and thank you so much for taking the time for me to come on air and share it with you. It's been amazing. Of course, of course.

Anne-Marie J (51:08.539)
thank you. Thank you so much.

I have one more question before we go. What is your favorite planet and why?

Dr Robb Kelly (51:22.742)
I've got to say Earth, man, because I have big dreams for Earth. You know, I really do that. We're trying to change and the new health minister, Kennedy, we're kind of talking to him about, you know, different aspects of changing the health system as far as we're concerned. But yeah, I mean, second would be, I don't know, it probably be Mars, because I don't know, maybe we'll get there one day. We've got to get to the moon first and then maybe we go to Mars.

Anne-Marie J (51:44.454)
Mm-hmm.

Dr Robb Kelly (51:50.988)
I don't know, but yeah, definitely yes.

Anne-Marie J (51:53.759)
Beautiful answer, I love it, thank you so much.