Season 2 - Episode 3 - Self-Inquiry, Online Courses, and Being 'Certified'

death doula, grief, self-inquiry, emotional resilience, training, certification, community, resources, end of life, personal reflection

takeaways

• Start volunteering to explore your interest in death work.
• Self-inquiry is essential before becoming a death doula.
• Understanding your own relationship with death is crucial.
• Grief needs tending; don't rush into this work if you're grieving.
• Emotional resilience is key when supporting dying individuals.
• There are no formal educational prerequisites to become a death doula.
• Community support among doulas is vital for success.
• Explore various modalities to enhance your doula practice.
• Utilize online resources and courses to expand your knowledge.
• Talking about death should be normalized in society.

Book recommendations: bookshop.org/DearPsychopomp 

Finding Peace at the End of Life - Henry Ferso-Weiss, LCSW: https://bookshop.org/a/111637/9781590035023

The Needs of the Dying - David Kessler - available online (I can't find a bookshop link for this one)

You can find me online at www.dearpsychopomp.com

or contact@dearpsychopomp.com

I hope your weekend is gentle and full of opportunities ♡

Transcript

Dear Psychopomp (00:01.55)
Allo, bonjour. Welcome to episode three. In this season, I'm going over the basics for becoming a death doula mostly from a Canadian perspective, but I do have resources for everyone. First of all, I do apologize if you can hear the crickets in the background. I think it's kind of relaxing.

But I have two lizards, I just moved my office, so I have two lizards in here with me. And the crickets are very vocal. Anyways, let me know if it bugs you. Anyways, if you have started volunteering, I'm so freaking proud of you. If you haven't, I'm still so freaking proud of you. Not gonna lie.

but I do recommend it before sinking all the time and energy into something that might just not be your cup of tea. If you're unable to, to start volunteering, start asking your loved ones about grief and death or if they have their wills done. I'd like to remind people on their birthdays to update their wills. You know, the fun starts here. Before you begin your journey as a death doula,

I want to invite you into something deeper than logistics or training modules. I want you to begin with yourself. This work isn't just about supporting others. It's about knowing where you stand with death. So I'd like you to ask yourself, what does death mean to me? What emotions come up when I imagine sitting beside someone who's dying?

Can I be present in silence, in uncertainty, in pain, without needing to fix it? And what is my personal relationship with death?

Dear Psychopomp (02:11.168)
Self-inquiry is the foundation of this path because you will be asked to hold space for grief and fear, anger, chaos. You will witness families unraveling. You will sit with people who are terrified or alone or in deep denial. And if you haven't explored your own relationship with death,

If you haven't looked inward and asked, I ready to be with this? Then this work can really shake you in ways that you didn't expect.

So, you know, I've sat with people who are dying and lashing out from fear. Or with the family members who refuse to accept the current reality. There are curious children who ask questions that nobody wants to answer. And, you know, there's...

death that comes suddenly, violently, or without closure. And these moments are sacred, but they're also emotionally intense. And so self-inquiry isn't just a one-time thing, it is practice. It's like hygiene, you gotta work on it every day. So start there, be honest.

Be gentle. Explore your relationship with that new journal you've been waiting to use but needed a good reason.

Dear Psychopomp (03:59.417)
Do a lot of self-reflection and really challenge yourself.

And before you sign up for training, before you start building a practice, just pause and read two books. The first one is Finding Peace at the End of Life. And the second one is called The Needs of the Dying. These aren't just resources, they are mirrors. And I will put links in the show notes for you as well. They really ask you to sit with

the reality of death. Not the idea of it, but the visceral, messy truth of it. They'll invite you to imagine yourself in a room with someone who is actively dying to feel the silence and the uncertainty and the weight of things unsaid. Because this work isn't just about holding hands and lighting candles. It's about emotional resilience.

It's about being able to stay present when someone is gasping for breath, when a family is falling apart, when a loved one is angry, confused, or begging for answers that you can't give.

Dear Psychopomp (05:22.072)
You might be sitting beside someone who's dying alone with no family in sight or supporting a parent who just lost a child.

you'll witness a person's final moments while their partner just sobs uncontrollably.

You also have to navigate cultural or spiritual beliefs that are unfamiliar or even conflicting with your own beliefs. And you could be holding space for someone who's terrified of dying and doesn't want to let go. And you'll find yourself conflicted because

just because they're dying doesn't suddenly make them a good person. And I say this with all the love in the world because I don't think it's really good or bad people. It's healed or unhealed people.

Mix that in with fear and they could lash out at you. They will call you names. They will challenge you. And just like a patient guardian, you have to accept it and work with them. And remember that the way people treat you is not a reflection of yourself.

Dear Psychopomp (06:54.986)
It's a reflection of them and how far they've met themselves.

Dear Psychopomp (07:02.362)
and with this kind of work it's difficult to not take things personally.

Dear Psychopomp (07:12.271)
and I want to mention if you are deep in your own grief right now

This might not be the time to begin. Not yet.

I know you want to turn your grief into something positive.

into strength, but grief needs tending. Your heart needs tending because if you're still raw, still unraveling, this work can reopen wounds that have not healed. And that is not fair to you or to the people you're trying to serve.

So start with those books, let them stir something within you, let them show you where you stand with death. And if you feel grounded and curious and ready to learn, then we'll talk about what comes next. This path is beautiful, but it does ask a lot of you. And remember to always honor yourself first.

Dear Psychopomp (08:27.214)
So my unpopular opinion about the abundant amount of end of life doula courses is that the people who say you'll be super officially certified and accredited? No. Not yet at least. Not until end of life doulas are a recognized and regulated profession. A death doula on their own is a non-medical companion and advocate. There are no

educational prerequisites. That being said, what's your niche? What modalities are you leaning heavier towards? The emotional aspects, the practical support, you know, what unique skills and knowledge do you have that you can use? If you have a medical background and want to add in some depth through the work, be sure to double check for things like conflict of interest, personal information protection,

what you can and cannot do with the client physically when you're acting solely as a doula. Things like that. Cover your butt. Always. If you've looked it up online already, there are so many courses out there. But with not being regulated, that means neither are the courses. So keep that in mind. In Canada, we have the End of Life Doula Association of Canada.

that is highly respected and just such a beautiful community to be a part of. And they actually vet the doulas listed in their directory with some, what I think are wonderful requirements that show you're walking the walk and aiming true. As of this airing, you're not required to be a member of any association to be a death doula in Canada.

Now based out of the good old US of A, there is a wonderful International End of Life Doula Association, which is similar where to become a member you have to agree in writing that you'll maintain the scope of practice and code of ethics and whatnot. And they do have online programs available as well. So the average course is going to take around 30 to 40 hours, with some being more or less comprehensive.

Dear Psychopomp (10:55.118)
and will cost anywhere from about $200 to $900. That's Canadian. Sorry, I don't know the current conversion rate of freedom units. So be sure to check out a few and see which one works best for you. The course that I took did not include anything about starting a business, which is what I wanted to do. So...

I went to the local employment office here in British Columbia and found the community futures poster. If you're in BC, definitely check them out. If you're not, check with the employment office to see what you could be eligible for if you want to start your own business. Like I'll be going over some basics, but I can't exactly teach quick books with a podcast.

I highly recommend checking out social media groups and local clubs for other death thulas in the area. We were not a competitive, career-hungry type of profession. If you're a new death thula in the area, reach out to one nearby and start building that network. We help each other. And if you want to add to your repertoire of modalities, go down the rabbit hole that is Google.

for free courses on things like sound baths, how to guide a meditation, how to write an obituary, and be sure to check out Udemy, Masterclass, anything you know that would help keep you grounded and balanced when you're not working, like belly dancing or taking up a new instrument. And if you're on the Instagram, there are so many delightfully morbid and

amazing accounts centered around death and grief and they are normalizing talking about death which basically is the death doula credo thou shalt talk about death as if it were normal because it is

Dear Psychopomp (13:10.638)
And with that I'll end it here. Stay tuned for the next episode where we go over the history of our profession and the biggest question of all. What should you pack in your doula bag?

Dear Psychopomp (13:28.514)
Thanks for being here. Thanks for letting me be here.

If you like this episode, please like, share, comment, follow. You can find me online at deersycopomp.com or email me at contact at deersycopomp.com. Also a shameless plug to my linktree that has a section with tons of book recommendations for you. That's linktree. L-I-N-K-T-R[dot]E-E[slash]Dear Psychopomp

Dear Psychopomp (14:07.846)
And as always, I hope you die happy and fulfilled.