Season 2 - Episode 4 - A History of Death Care and Doula Bag Essentials

death, death doula, funerary practices, history of death care, doula bag essentials, coaching for caregivers, end of life care, rituals, grief support, palliative care

In this episode of Dear Psychopomp, Anne-Marie delves into the history and evolution of death care, exploring the role of death doulas and the essential items they carry in their doula bags. 

The conversation highlights the significance of rituals and ceremonies in death care, the transformation of funerary practices over time, and practical tips for those in the field. Additionally, Anne-Marie introduces her coaching services aimed at first responders and caregivers dealing with death and grief; she can be reached at grimandgracecoaching@gmail.com

You can find me online at www.dearpsychopomp.com

or contact@dearpsychopomp.com

I hope your weekend is gentle and full of opportunities ♡

Transcript

Dear Psychopomp (00:01.88)
Hello bonjour, welcome to episode 4 where we will be going over the history of daft doulas and the ever elusive question, what do I pack in my doula bag? I do apologize for the crickets, they only started singing as soon as I hit record.

Anyways, death care is as old as time, but actually, Homo sapiens have always had rituals and ceremonies around death. We not only feel the need to mark that particular point in time as significant, we spiritually and in our souls need those rituals and ceremonies for healing.

which is also part of what a death doula can do, is creating those ceremonies and rituals for families to help them create the closure that they may not have gotten otherwise. And the evidence for deliberate burial and funerary behavior actually goes back between

about 241 and 335 thousand years ago, which also ties in with the Neanderthals and homo nelidi individuals. And archaeology expeditions have found remains that were intentionally placed with, you know, careful intentional body positioning and sometimes tokens or

offerings or nearby engravings or drawings.

Dear Psychopomp (01:52.474)
And the industrial age, which happened between 1760 and 1840, sort of transformed funerary customs through urbanization. Small towns getting absorbed by growing cities, bringing access to better food, healthcare, and resources, which, fun fact, more than half of the world's population lives in urban areas.

when for most of human history, the majority of people actually lived in small communities, which is also well described with what's called the Dunbar's number, which suggests that there is a cognitive limit for maintaining stable social relationships. Any more than about 150 people and your brain cannot maintain that sense of

community and cohesion and safety.

Anyways, that, technological advancements and society's views and values led to bigger cemeteries, funeral homes popped up which replaced the whole having a wake in the front parlor of your home kind of thing, and embalming became widespread, notably in the United States right after the Civil War.

Early hospices were established by the Roman Empire. They started off serving pilgrims and the poor, and then eventually expanded to care for the sick and the dying. In the 19th century, in France and Ireland, homes were established specifically for the dying. Laying some of the groundwork for the modern hospice movement, which started

Dear Psychopomp (03:47.592)
not that long ago in the late 1960s, where Dr. Cicely Saunders founded St. Christopher's Hospice in London.

And throughout all of that, people who work closely with death have had many names. In Siberia, the shaman, a spiritual healer and guide. Of course, the psychopomp, the mythological figure who guides souls to the afterlife. In Korea, the mudahng, women who perform sacred ceremonies.

medicine men and women who are the wisdom keepers and healers. And today they're also known as palliative care nurses, healthcare aides, hospice staff and volunteers, morticians, spiritual guides, religious figures, and of course, death doulas. The word doula is Greek. It means to serve.

And that's what we do.

It's so hard to explain what we really do when the things we do are on a soul level. You'll definitely get some interesting looks at parties.

Dear Psychopomp (05:14.984)
The curious folk will ask more. The fellow death care professionals will commiserate with you. People will speak of the loved ones that they've lost and tell you their stories. And it's just such a beautiful way to connect with people and to get them talking about death openly.

And thank you for sticking around for my geek out about the history of death care. That was a very fun deep dive. And onto the fun stuff. What to pack in your doula bag. So the essentials include tissue packets. You can get those mini tissue packets for like a dollar each at pharmacies, dollar stores, things like that.

You'll need them for your clients or for those driveway therapy sessions in the car afterwards. You'll also want wet wipes, hand sanitizer, and cough drops. You may want some chapstick for your clients because at the end of life they are getting more dehydrated. And if you're like me, and I know I am, having...

the dry chapped lips just drives me nuts. It's so uncomfortable. Anyways, you want to get unscented and unflavored, but you do have to keep in mind cross-contamination. So that can get pricey if you want to have one tube of chapstick for every client. So in that case, I would recommend those mini Vaseline jars.

and baggy of q-tips because then you can use one side of the q-tip each time so you don't get the cross-contamination but you can still use the whole mini vaseline jar. I also recommend hand lotion, of course unscented, for whoever needs it and always ask a client before applying anything to their bodies.

Dear Psychopomp (07:36.726)
And if you can't, make sure that it is requested in their care plan. You also want to have an N95 mask or two just in case. And any of your business materials. pamphlets, business cards, never leave home without your business cards. Your contracts, notebooks, pens, et cetera. I like to have...

these little mini journals that you can get in bulk where I will take notes with each encounter with the client and write things about what they've said or stories they've told. It's also good for a sort of keeping an extra eye on how they're doing, if they're declining, if they're getting better, things like that. And then afterwards, if it's

appropriate, I will give the journal to the family as kind of a keepsake, know, if there's quotes and stories and things like that.

Bonus items that you can have include something to read to them and slash or yourself. I like to have my Kobo because there's about 300 bucks on it and there's poetry and just a little bit of everything for what anyone would like. And when sitting vigil, it's very true that hearing is

the last to go. So even if they're not conscious, they can still hear you. And I feel that filling that space with beautiful stories or poetry is just a good last gift you can give them. And to yourselves, there's something very healing about reading out loud to someone.

Dear Psychopomp (09:46.638)
and you can also bring a Bluetooth speaker. You can play their favorite music, podcasts, if you have, you know, any mp3s or voice notes that the family have sent that they want you to play for them, and of course your trusty death deck that you got from thedeathdeck.com. And they just dropped a new one, the dementia deck.

Go check them out. They are very powerful tools. And especially as a death doula, you're already seen as this objective third party person who has the knowledge about death. So if you bring those decks in and say, this is going to help me understand you better, help you understand you better, and your wants and your needs, it's perfect. It's amazing.

Go check it out. Once again, that is thedeathdeck.com.

Don't forget to also bring your water bottle, your phone charger, some extra cash for parking just in case of an emergency, any meds that you might need, and a sweater just in case because hospitals and hospices are actually pretty cold if you're there for long enough.

And you can also, of course, add in anything that you need for your modalities. If you want tuning forks or singing bowls for sound therapy, art supplies or legacy project supplies. I did want to add in a little something about using Vicks Vapor Rub under your nose for any unpleasant odors that you will 100 % come across.

Dear Psychopomp (11:45.28)
While it may be a super quick fix in the meantime...

Dear Psychopomp (11:51.918)
The menthol in it will open your airways and pores, which makes both smells stronger. It's sort of like using Febreze in the bathroom and then suddenly it just smells like shitty Febreze. It'll be a dang strong smell, but it will not fully mask it.

Not to mention, it can actually be freaking dangerous if you get it on any mucus membranes, like inside your nose or mouth. One of the active ingredients in Vicks Vaporub is camphor. And camphor is toxic if absorbed into the body and can cause mucus buildup and respiratory distress. And if you have a bunch of clients who are nearing the end of their life and you're trying to use Vicks Vaporub,

that much, you could actually get sick from it. So if all else fails, breathe through your mouth, not your nose.

and the longer you are in the area the more your body will kind of normalize it. Like you know how when you come home from a long day and you can kind of get the smell of your home but it goes away after a while because you just get used to it? It's kind of like that. And just in case smiling suppresses the gag reflex.

You may come across as odd, but you won't throw up. And you can also, you have access to it, you can get a little kidney dish and fill it full of shaving cream and put that in the room, like on the floor in the corner. That also helps. I learned that from when I used to work as security at Inner City Hospital.

Dear Psychopomp (13:59.534)
And that's all I have for this week. Thank you again for your patience as I recover from surgery and life and everything going on. Don't forget to let me know what you think in the comments and let me know if you have any questions specifically about becoming a death doula or just death in general. I would be very happy to help. And I also wanted to

let any of the first responders know or hospice workers, anyone who deals with death, even unprofessionally, if you're an end of life caregiver for a family member, a social worker, anything like that. I have started a coaching business where, because yes, you can go to therapy and yes, you can integrate it in your life, but it's very difficult to

reconcile everything and then know where you want to go, especially if you're surrounded by death all the time. And I think this is a...

This is something that is just lacking. If you're a police officer, firefighter, anything, reach out to me. Let me know how I can help and we can make a plan for helping you still live well while dealing closely with death or grief.

Thanks for being here. Thanks for letting me be here. If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a death doula, of course, give this a share, like, comment, follow. You can find me online at dearsychopomp.com or reach out at contact at dearsychopomp.com. And as always, I hope you die happy and fulfilled.