Ashes & Echoes - Embracing Mortality

In this episode, I answer a humbling question from a listener: 

What would I do differently today if I knew I only had 24 hours left to live.

Let's contemplate our mortality together, let's talk about regrets and trauma.

And of course, Let's Talk About Death. 

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mortality, self-love, authenticity, life lessons, imperfection, death doula, personal growth, mindfulness, living fully, emotional healing

You can find me online at www.dearpsychopomp.com

or contact@dearpsychopomp.com

I hope your weekend is gentle and full of opportunities ♡

Transcript

Dear Psychopomp (00:02.069)
I had someone email me the other day, which thank you very much. They asked such a deep and beautiful question. They asked, what would you do differently today if you knew you only had 24 hours left to live? And I really took my time on this one. And I came to the realization that

this is something that is so important to me in my soul because I live this almost every day and it wasn't like that before. It's interesting to see how the answer has changed over the years and especially because I just had a surgery, this is my sixth and every single time

after the whole whirlwind of blood work and appointments and instructions, you're left with, crap, I could die that day. And they give you statistics and percentages and just so you know. And so you contemplate your mortality maybe a bit more intensely than usual, which I do recommend. And if I knew that this was my last 24 hours,

I wouldn't do anything differently.

with where I am, I'm grateful for what I have. And for the difficult things, I'm grateful for the lessons that they teach me. And for the emphasis on, you know, like you can't have light without the dark. The darkness defines where the light is. And having that perspective is just life-changing.

Dear Psychopomp (01:58.858)
So, especially as a death thula, I use the good dishes and I light the fancy candles and I wear clothes that make me feel badass and confident, even if sometimes that's just pajamas. I seek the good in everything. Even though I might not find it, I still look. I pay no attention to what people think of me.

It's really none of my business anyways, and if they think something false or whatever, that's okay because if they're not bothering to clarify with me, they're not my kind of people anyways. I don't feel the need to defend myself against someone who's just compelled to misunderstand me. And if bad

well not if, bad things, when bad things happen, because life. I ask myself, is this gonna matter in a year or a month or tomorrow? And if the answer is no, then I adapt and move on. And if the answer is yes, I integrate and adapt and move on. Life is full of speed bumps and interruptions and distractions, but it's up to you to define

which is which. And so I don't have any regrets. Everything that I have done up until this point has been what I thought was the right thing and the best thing to do with the knowledge that I had at the time. And you know that includes the piercings and tattoos and the

difficult relationships and experiences, know, things I've said or left unsaid. I'm not good with leaving things left unsaid anyways, you know, and even moving over 30 times across this beautiful country and getting to see just about every corner of it. I wouldn't be where I am today without all of that. And I really like who I am today.

Dear Psychopomp (04:22.06)
which has been a long, long, messy road from there to here. It's difficult with the really hard times because when you're in it, you're not thinking to yourself, like, I wonder what I'm going to learn from this. When you're in it, you're feeling it and...

Some people get stuck in that.

Dear Psychopomp (04:55.116)
You know, I feel that. I've had trauma of every possible type. I was taught that silence makes you acceptable. I was taught that I had to shrink myself to fit into other people's narratives to be able to feel like I belong.

You know, I was told I'd end up in a ditch somewhere with no one who loved me. I've heard, don't know what you did, but I'm sure you deserved it. And being taught that love is transactional and must be earned.

Which is another thing, I have found self-love for the first time after almost four decades of self-loathing, which again is something I think people often get stuck in because of those unmet and unspoken expectations with themselves and others around them. know, like stop moving the goalposts on yourself and expecting perfection.

Don't expect someone to treat you nicely just because you're treating them nicely. There's that saying like, just because you didn't eat the lion doesn't mean the lion's not gonna eat you.

And you know, with perfect not existing, the most beautiful things, in my opinion, are the imperfect things. If you think of like a painting in the museum, the ones that appear just absolutely perfect, they don't hold your gaze as long. You're like, hmm, art, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's next? And then you get to...

Dear Psychopomp (06:54.198)
a painting that isn't perfect, or it doesn't make sense to your brain. Maybe it's abstract and one part of it seems off and catches your attention, so you sit and stare at it looking for more. And then the more you find, the more you connect with the artist, because you can imagine the breaststrokes and them trying to mix their own colors and seeing the variations, how they must have been feeling when they were making the painting.

And just like that, through imperfection, you've connected with someone across time and space.

So aim for imperfection. Take a step back and look at your masterpiece and present your beautiful human self to the world. Take up your space, hold your head up, put your shoulders back and remember the meaning is in the creating, not the finished product nor in the recognition for it. The mountain does not apologize for taking up space and the ocean

does not apologize for its depth, and neither should you. And it's so much easier to stay within the comfortable known thing than it is to get outside of your comfort zone. Of course, yeah, change is scary. The uncomfortable known is safer in our lizard brains than the uncertain unknown. And of course it is. We're

wired for safety from back in the day when survival was all we had. But now that we're in the 21st century, we have survived. If you're listening to this, you have survived every single thing you have gone through. And now it's time to thrive.

Dear Psychopomp (08:53.6)
And it's okay to thrive. It's okay to be happy even if there's negative things going on around you. Two emotions can exist within you at the same time and even more. But thriving is impossible if you're living in fear.

Fear is...

anxiety about the past. Something that has happened before that you don't want to happen again and you don't want to feel those emotions again. If you live in anxiety and in worry that's about the future and the future is uncertain and that's okay.

And the first step to getting rid of your fear is to accept your mortality. Once you've accepted this unconditional truth that one day you will not be here, it will help shape your decisions and your actions and your thoughts and give you a different perspective and give you some guidance on where you want to go. Because so, so many of us feel stuck.

in jobs that drain us, in lives that feel like someone else's, like we're waiting for some ancient voice to whisper that we have permission to enjoy being alive. It's okay to feel stuck.

Dear Psychopomp (10:31.566)
Feelings aren't facts, they're signals. They're asking for your attention.

And so ask yourself where you feel unfulfilled in health, body, mind, soul, relationships, career, personal development, and aim instead for truth. Aim for connection.

Aim for the kind of life that wouldn't change if you had only 24 hours left.

Dear Psychopomp (11:10.828)
And before you go, here's your challenge or maybe your invitation. Tonight, take 10 minutes, just you and a pen and a quiet space and ask yourself, if I had 24 hours left, what would I do differently? And then here's the twist. Do one of those things tomorrow. Wear the outfit, say the thing, light the candle.

Use the good dishes. Be the version of you that doesn't wait for permission to live. Because you're not broken. You're becoming. And the world needs your masterpiece. Messy brushstrokes and all.

Dear Psychopomp (12:02.094)
Thanks for being here. Thanks for letting me be here. You can find me online at dearsycopomp.com or email me at contact at dearsycopomp.com. And as always, I hope you die happy and fulfilled.