A Man’s Perspective: What NOT To Do If You’re Dating A Masculine Man.

In this straight-talking, no-holds-barred episode, we explore what it really means to date — or try to date — a masculine man. From the psychology of hypergamy to the economics of attraction, we break down how high-value men think, what they respond to, and most importantly, what turns them off.

Through the lens of natural selection, the Pareto distribution, and a powerful analogy that compares masculine men to growth stocks with high return potential, this episode delivers a clear-eyed view of modern relationships and what women often misunderstand about strong, status-driven men.

We also lay out the unspoken rules — the red lines you don’t want to cross if you’re serious about connecting with a masculine partner. From oversharing about past encounters to the subtle ways women undermine their relationships, we’re pulling no punches.

Whether you’re looking to attract a high-calibre man or deepen your connection with one, this episode offers the clarity, context, and raw honesty you won’t find in the mainstream.

Transcript

Welcome to another episode on the Perspicacious Perspective.

I thought I’d do an episode on how men want to be treated as a man who’s been in a relationship for over 7 years now.

One of the hardest obstacles I’ve had to overcome is the fact that my boyfriend and I have completely different perspectives on life, relationships, philosophy, culture and what feels like everything else. 

I’d say that what’s kept us together has been how we’ve responded to all of our disagreements, rather than the fact that we’ve disagreed about fundamental things.

I know what some of you are probably thinking… that a gay relationship is completely different to heterosexual relationships. I thought that would be the case when I signed up, until I realised we were having all the same issues all of our heterosexual counterparts were having in their relationships. Plus, the dynamic between my boyfriend and I is very similar to that of a stereotypical heterosexual relationship.

In short, I’m the man and he’s the women. 

I always initiated the sex, I paid for the dates, I have a higher libido, I’m into sports and always have been, I’m more likely to get into a physical altercation with someone etcetera  etcetera.

To give you more perspective about him; he’s more concerned with how he dresses, he’s more emotional than me, he likes cooking and shopping (seriously, I’ve stopped shopping with him), he likes his skin care routines… and… you get the picture. 

So while I can’t speak for him, I can certainly speak for myself, and after having spoken to a lot of women about relationships and dating, I’ve realised how deluded most women and effeminate gay men are when it comes to dating masculine men.

So if you consider yourself to be a masculine man, then I’d be interested to hear if you feel the same way, and if you’re a women or a gay guy that likes masculine men, then I hope you seriously think about whether you think you perceive or treat your man or the men you date the same way that I claim men like to be treated.

I’m also gonna hit some hard-home truths that may make some of you feel uncomfortable. You can either use it to foster even more resentment towards men, as that seems to be the trend these days, or you can use the information to your advantage; and actually use it to help you connect better with men and understand us better.

Honestly, we’re a lot simpler than you think.

So how should you perceive your masculine partner or potential suitor?

First things first, dating your man should be perceived as an investment. That’s what turns us on… literally.

We want to feel like you chose us, or chose to date us, because you see something different about us that you don’t see in other men.

Sorry to give a sports analogy, but that’s like a kid being scouted by a big sports club not because they’re the best player on the pitch, but because there’s something about their game that shows they have the potential to be better than let’s say every other kid they’ve watched play that year.

The same thing could be analogised with a growth stock. Rather than investing in a well-established stock like Nike, or TESLA or McDonalds, you should be investing in a stock that you think is going to be the next Nike, TESLA or McDonalds- that would therefore give you higher returns on your investment.

So that means, particularly if you’re young, that the man you’re seeing or dating doesn’t yet have it all figured out, but you’ve seen enough potential to make you believe that this man is going to give you high returns and have it all figured out in the future, so to speak.

High returns can mean different things for different people. It can mean a man that’s going to be financially successful, it can mean a man that’s going to be a great father, it can mean a man that’s going to be a great partner for life, it can mean a man that’s going to be a great emotional support structure, etcetera etcetera.

If you expect your man to be ready-made and be all those things that I described before you start dating them- then good luck, because that guy has options. That guy will expect a perfect partner; slim, fit, young, caring, loving, patient, emotionally secure, mature and maybe even financially independent. The younger you are with those said attributes, the more valuable you are on the dating market.

Now the reality is most of us aren’t perfect, or at least have some of those flaws. So age does come to play.

Now if you’re dating as an older person, I think it’s reasonable to expect your man to have certain things figured out. What those things are obviously depends on your lifestyle and what you think you need from your man at that point of your life. But if you’re dating in your 20s or 30s, I’m telling you now it’s unreasonable to expect your man to have everything figured out- particularly when it comes to finances. And if you do, as I said earlier, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself whether these men you expect to be dating see you as extremely valuable on the market.

Now I understand how unromantic it can seem to analogise intimate relationships with a market. But the laws of hypergamy do exist.

For those of you who don’t know what hypergamy is, it’s the law that governs the dating market. The idea that women tend to date (or are only attracted to) men who either make the same amount of money as they do, or more. It’s a hard pill for a man to swallow- but it’s the reality we live in. And since women have begun to close the gender pay gap, it’s becoming exponentially more difficult for men to compete- especially in the West.

There’s another concept that’s relevant here. That’s the Pareto Law of Distribution. It’s a concept from economics and statistics that describes an unequal distribution where a small proportion of causes or inputs typically lead to a large proportion of effects or outputs. So what that means in the dating world in simple terms is that 20% of the men tend to be attractive to 80% of the women. And it’s always been like that. Archaically, it would tend to be 20% of the men in the hunter-gatherer days who would bring home 80% of the spoil- and would therefore tend to mate with 80% of the women.

But the romantic part is the investment. It’s the fact that notwithstanding your man on paper didn’t look like they had everything figured out, and wouldn’t particularly be perceived as being highly valuable on the dating market, you still decided to invest in them. You saw something in them that made you believe that this man had the potential to become the high-value man that you dreamed of having.

I don’t think the Disney movies help in this scenario either. The idea that you would be swept off your feet by some prince charming. That the prince is ready-made, has it all figured out, and that that’s what you should expect from your man. 

The way I would look at it is that your man has the potential to become the prince charming that will sweep you off your feet. That despite your flaws, and despite his flaws, you were both willing to invest in one another to become the partner you both dreamed of having.

I often assume that this goes without saying but men typically do not perceive financial success on the part of the women as a pre-requisite for dating. That alters the dynamic considerably by the way. If a women has acquired some financial success then yes, it will make a man feel insecure if he’s not making as much money, but if he is, or is making more, he probably doesn’t see you as more valuable because you’re making good money. He’s probably just happy that you’ve found a passion of your own that makes you feel fulfilled. Nothing more. So I say that to say don’t brandish your financial achievements to your man as a virtue- as financial success has nothing to do with you being a good partner, a good mother, or someone who he can receive emotional support from.

So I’m gonna move on to things that I think you should not do if you’re dating a masculine man. To understand why you shouldn’t do these things, you have to apprehend first the fact that the most humiliating scenario a masculine man can be in, is to find out that the person he is with or the person he has been dating has dated a lot of men. So anything that you say or do that indicates that, is counterproductive to whatever relationship you’re building with him. If you think your man doesn’t care about that, he’s either not particularly masculine- which is fine- or is thinking in his head that he’s going to lead you on and use you until he finds a better suitor. Seriously, we’re biologically programmed to feel this way.

I forgot to mention that I have an identical twin brother that is heterosexual, we talk about this kind of stuff all the time and draw many parallels. It’s relevant because he’s as masculine as I am and we laugh about how deluded the people are we see or date who believe that these things don’t matter. So hear me out.

So what should you not do with your masculine partner or potential suitor?

Number 1 on what not to do with your man is talk about your body count. As I said before, masculine men are biologically predetermined to want a virgin, as unrealistic as that might sound especially in contemporary Western society. Just in the same unrealistic way you expect your high-value prince charming to sweep you off your feet, we unrealistically expect our wife or partner to have never laid eyes on another man, better yet have slept with him. Why? Well from our perspective, it ruins the levels of intimacy we believe we can attain from being with you. If you’ve had what is objectively perceived as the most intimate interaction you could have with a person with someone else, it makes us think that even if we did get to have that intimate interaction with you- sex- then it’s not gonna feel that intimate since you’ve done it a bunch of other times with other men. So if anything, it’s gonna take a lot longer to build that intimate connection that makes your man think and perceive you as their life partner.

Now because it’s not realistic to expect your partner to be a virgin in contemporary Western society, most of us concede to the fact that our partners are not gonna be virgins. And the truth is, deep-down, we know that if our partners don’t have much sexual experience, they’re either going to be bad in bed or extremely naïve or both. So just because we don’t mind it, it doesn’t mean we wanna hear about it. How many masculine men you’ve slept with should only be communicated to your close friends and should never hit the ears of your man. It will change the way he perceives you and more importantly, will ruin the level of intimacy you have the potential to reach with your man. Having a high body count is nothing to be proud of when it comes to dating masculine men. Keep that shit to yourself.

Number 2 on what not to do with your man is similar to number 1. Don’t talk about intimate experiences you’ve had with other men- especially the sex. Again, we’re happy you’ve had the experiences you’ve had to bring you to us today, but we don’t wanna know about nice dates, romantic times, a time when you went on holiday with a guy, a time when he supported you financially, a sexual experience you had. Nothing. Whether you dated the guy or not is irrelevant. We don’t wanna hear about it. For the same reasons as I gave for number 1, talking about things that made you intimate with another masculine man turns us off. It makes us think that you have the potential to do this with any guy you date which ruins the potential intimacy we believe we could have with you. If you’re gonna blindfully follow anyone’s advice today, please let it be this. It doesn’t matter how receptive we seem to be when we hear about this shit, we don’t like it… and we’re judging you… hard.

Number 3 on what the fuck not to do if you’re with a masculine guy (sorry for swearing this shit is triggering for me) is look seductively at other men when you’re with your partner. It’s the most disrespectful thing you can do to him. Like I said, we’re completely aware that our wives or partners are not going to be virgins when we meet them, and that they’re human, so they will find other masculine men attractive. But looking at them seductively- and you know what I mean by this- for example checking them out or looking at them from head to toe- completely emasculates your man. And if the guy you’re seductively looking at catches on, it makes the man you’re with look like an absolute bitch. Your man is so pathetic, that his girl or partner is checking me out as if he’s not even here. Get it? I don’t think I need to go too deeply in the reasons why you should never do this why your man is there. If he’s not there, do what you like. But if he’s there, and you’re considering dating him seriously, cut that shit out.

The next one is controversial, but providing your man is indeed masculine, and you do perceive the guy to be relatively masculine, you should not do this. That is, having masculine friends. Let me explain why…

The difference between a stereotypical masculine man and a stereotypical feminine women is huge. In summary, women tend to be attracted to status and competence. Men tend to be attracted to physical attraction and emotional maturity. Not exclusively of course. 

So why are women attracted to status and competence?

Women are attracted to status and competence because if your man has high status and is competent, he’s probably relatively high up on the male dominance hierarchy. If he’s high up the dominance hierarchy, it makes you feel you’re high up in the female dominance hierarchy, because he chose you. Men at the top of the dominance hierarchy aren’t going to choose women who are low on the female dominance hierarchy. But more importantly, women who are high up on the female dominance hierarchy aren’t going to choose men who are low on the male dominance hierarchy.

The male dominance hierarchy is predicated on financial success and power. The female dominance hierarchy is predicated on who you’re partnered up with- because women select. That’s why men call their women queens. It’s the idea that the man at the top of the dominance hierarchy- or the king- has chosen to partner up with the women at the top of the female dominance hierarchy- the most physically attractive yet emotionally mature female there is to choose from.

Emotional maturity is key by the way. There’s no point being physically attractive but too emotionally immature to sustain a working relationship. Women who are emotionally immature tend to sleep around with other men, including friends and brothers even, they deal with disagreements poorly, and tend to be manipulative and have proclivities towards gaslighting. That renders a women low on the dominance hierarchy. Why? Because they’re likely to be more impulsive. That means, they’re more vulnerable to being manipulated by another man to be lured into bed since they act on impulse rather than on what’s emotionally expedient. If a feminine girl is impulsive- men talk- her reputation will precede her which puts her lower on the female dominance hierarchy. If a girl is emotionally mature- meaning she’s secure about her value on the dating market- she won’t have sex with anyone else but the man she is dating because she truly believes her man is high up on the dominance hierarchy, or has the potential to be.

Why do women and men have this dynamic?

The dynamic between a stereotypical man and women can be attributed to Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection. The idea that women select men who they believe to be competent enough to procreate with. Natural selection, particularly in the form of sexual selection, is clearly observable across many animal species, and one of the most compelling patterns within this is female choice—where females select mates based on traits that indicate genetic fitness, health, or resource-holding potential. This form of selection often drives the evolution of exaggerated male traits, elaborate behaviors, or territorial dominance, as females tend to invest more in offspring and are therefore more selective in mate choice.

One of the most iconic examples is the peafowl (which is a peacock for anyone who doesn’t know). Female peahens consistently prefer males with the largest and most symmetrical tail feathers. Despite the evolutionary cost of such extravagant plumage—which increases visibility to predators—the size and symmetry of a peacock’s tail act as honest signals of vitality and genetic strength. Only the healthiest males can afford to maintain such a costly feature and survive.

A similar dynamic is evident among the birds of paradise, found in New Guinea and surrounding regions. These birds exhibit extreme sexual dimorphism, with males displaying vibrant plumage and engaging in complex, acrobatic courtship dances. Females choose partners based on the quality of these performances, which signal the male’s neurological coordination, physical health, and access to resources necessary to maintain such displays.

In mammals, topi antelopes offer a striking example of female mate choice shaped by ecological factors. Females actively seek out males who hold central, highly contested territories within mating arenas, as these locations are associated with higher-quality mates and better chances of reproductive success. By selecting males in such territories, females increase the likelihood that their offspring inherit strong competitive traits.

Lions also demonstrate the role of dominance in female choice. Female lions do not choose mates in a typical courtship sense, but they do preferentially mate with males who have successfully taken over a pride, a feat that requires significant strength and aggression. These dominant males are more likely to protect the pride and pass on genes associated with power and survival, which benefits both the female and her cubs.

In smaller, less conspicuous animals like guppies (which is a kind of fish), sexual selection is equally powerful. Female guppies often prefer males with the brightest and most patterned tails. Bright coloration in male guppies is an indicator of good health and low parasite load, making these males more attractive as mates. Similarly, in túngara frogs, females prefer males whose mating calls include complex, chattering sounds. Producing these calls requires more energy and attracts predators, meaning that only the fittest males can afford to do so consistently—again making them desirable to females seeking high-quality genes.

Among insects and invertebrates, such dynamics are also at play. Certain butterflies exhibit female preferences for males with ultraviolet-reflecting wing patterns or strong pheromone signals, both of which correlate with developmental stability and mating fitness. In the case of manakins, which are a group of small birds in Central and South America, males perform elaborate, high-speed courtship displays involving coordinated flips, snaps, and dances. These behaviors are neurologically demanding and energetically costly, acting as reliable signals of the male’s fitness and coordination, both of which are attractive to females.

Across all of these examples, the traits that females favor—whether physical, behavioral, or territorial—tend to be costly to produce or maintain. This costliness makes them honest signals of male quality, because only individuals in good condition can afford them. Female choice, then, acts as a powerful evolutionary filter, shaping the behavior, appearance, and social dynamics of species over time. This principle helps explain why many animal species exhibit pronounced sexual dimorphism and complex mating rituals, all underpinned by the female’s drive to select the most competent and genetically robust males for reproduction.

These examples corroborate my point of men wanting to feel like they’re selected.

So going back to what not to do with your masculine partner, having masculine friends is detrimental to the level of intimacy you can obtain with your man. Men are always subconsciously on the prowl. Why? Because they constantly want to seek affirmation from the opposite sex about their value on the dating market and where they are on the male dominance hierarchy. Every time you ‘hang out’ with one of your masculine friends, you’re giving them the opportunity to do that. And you, as someone who operates on the female dominance hierarchy, enjoy the prospect of making your masculine mate feel like they’re competing to be selected- which indicates a low level of emotional maturity. Why? Because it demonstrates that you’re not confident about where you are on the female dominance hierarchy. A girl that is high-up on the dominance hierarchy and is confident about their value wouldn’t feel the need to entertain someone who is obviously too low on the male dominance hierarchy. They know the man will eventually make a move.

So a man who has a girl or partner who has masculine male friends is emotionally immature as far as we’re concerned. How much you interact with them and what ways determines how emotionally secure you are about your place on the female dominance hierarchy. It doesn’t make sense for a women who is invested in her man to be seeking affirmation from men she’s not dating. It’s a red flag.

It's also objectively emasculating for people to hear that your women is hanging out with other men. All masculine men inherently understand that there can be nothing good that can come from that. All your emotional needs should be sought from your masculine partner, no one else. If you want masculine friends, be single. But pursuing a masculine man and trying to retain masculine friends is emotionally immature. Men observe this and it makes us wonder if its possible you’re capable of having an emotionally mature relationship independent of the necessity to flirt with other men while you’re in a relationship. It’s counterproductive to what you have the potential to build with your man and simultaneously ruins your reputation, therefore rendering you lower on the female dominance hierarchy. Don’t do it.

Have you ever wondered why men can exclusively have a physical relationship and not commit? Because you sleeping with us reaffirms our position on the male dominance hierarchy without us having to commit.

Sorry, but feminine women can’t this. Having multiple sex partners renders you lower on the female dominance hierarchy- because in theory, you select- whilst having multiple sex partners renders me higher on the male dominance hierarchy- because I’m selected. It is what it is.

If you think it’s any different for gay people, then you’re wrong. Why? Because we select and get selected too. It might not be on the basis of procreation but masculine men tend to be selected based on status and competence equally. The equivalent of this to give context would be an effeminate man selecting a masculine man who con provide the most resources- which is invariably associated with status and power. So all the same rules apply (unfortunately for me anyway).

And conversely, masculine men will choose partners who are physically attractive and emotionally mature. At least that’s my hypothesis anyway. 

I hoped you enjoyed this one. Thanks for tuning in. Subscribe for more content like this and please reach out if you have any insight you’d like to share, perhaps I can include it in another episode in the future, and until the next episode.