Handing Down or Up?

We wrestle with a hard idea: the next generation inherits our mindset long before they inherit anything we own. We compare the gap mentality with the gain mindset and show how faith-filled language can build gratitude, resilience, and hope that outlives us. 
• inheritance as atmosphere, perspective, and family language 
• gap mindset defined as measuring today against a made-up ideal 
• how “I’ll be happy when” trains anxiety and chronic dissatisfaction 
• victim mentality vs victor mentality and what kids learn by watching us 
• gain mindset as remembering where God brought us from 
• why telling the struggle matters so grace is not mistaken for ease 
• practical examples of flipping the script in everyday moments 
• facing wounds to break patterns and interrupt cycles through Christ 
• watching our phrases so hardship does not become identity 
• journaling gains and building Ebenezers as a family culture 
• leaving faith and perspective to live by, not just something to live on 
if you don't have a relationship with Christ, you better get right 

Transcript

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Welcome And Today’s Big Question

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hey guys, it's B-Rob, and it is the Food for Thought Faith Cast. And I just want to welcome you back today. It's on a lovely Saturday, and um it's 75 degrees, and it's starting to feel like autumn, and it's an amazing thing. And um, you know, I've been reading that book, The Gap and the Gain, um Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, and man, it's just life-changing. It really is. And I've been thinking about um how he was implemented with his kids and the mentality, and I mean, just think about how that could change generations. I mean, what if your attitude doesn't stop with you? I think deep. So that's what I'm talking about. And um that's something kind of uh that's your food for thought today, so hang tight and we'll be right

A Tribute To People Who Change Things

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back.

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Here's to the crazy ones the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the ones who see the world differently, who don't fit neatly into boxes, and refuse to live by someone else's script. You can quote them, you can disagree with them, you can glorify them or vilify them, you can shake your head at their ideas or be inspired by their courage. But the one thing you cannot do is ignore them. Because they change things. They disrupt what's comfortable, they challenge what's normal, and they push the human race forward. Sometimes with loud revolutions, sometimes with quiet persistence that changes everything over time. They see possibility where others see limits. They dare to dream out loud when the world tells them to be silent, they take risks, they stumble, they rise again, and they keep going. Not because it's easy, but because they can't imagine doing anything else. These are the ones who remind us that every great leap forward was once considered impossible. So here's to them the ones who won't sit down, won't be quiet, and won't stop until the world is different. Because they're the reason it will be.

Show Intro And Ministry Message

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Freedom starts with truth.

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This message is brought to you by the For Christ Ministry at www.forchristministry.com.

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Hello. We would like to welcome you to the Food for Solomon Facebook with my husband, your host, B Rub. So without further ado, here's B-Rub.

What We Really Pass Down

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Guys, we often think of inheritance as something physical. Something like money, property, family, business, or something with our name physically written on it. But think about something long before the next generation receives what's in their hands, it's actually learning. It's actually learning from the generation before and what lives in their hearts. So we have to look at things from a different perspective. And I'm always looking at things in a deeper perspective. And this is taken straight from the book The Gap in the Gain. And I'm just thinking about what kind of what kind of atmosphere are we creating and passing down to the next generation? Our children, grandchildren, younger relatives, people that actually look up to us and listen. They're doing more than listening. And how we respond. Not just to good stuff, but like bad stuff. When plans fall apart, when prayers take longer than expected, when money gets tight, financial woes, you know, that sort of thing. When somebody actually hurts us and life gets tough, what picture are we painting? Because they're learning from us. Because we're creating the atmosphere. Does that make sense? So are we creating a gap attitude where nothing is never good enough? Or are we creating a gain mindset where no matter what happens, God has been faithful and we are still going to continue to grow. You see, that specific difference can become the difference of a generational inheritance, and that's a pretty big thing to think about. Proverbs thirteen, twenty-two says, A good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children. But a real godly inheritance does not at all mean possessions. It means faith, perspective, gratitude, resilience. In the way we learn to speak and act when life gets tough. See, that attitude creates that atmosphere. And that bubbles beneath the surface of those words. You see, attitude's not merely whether you smile or sound cheerful, it's an actual settled posture from which we live our life, which we interpret our life. I mean, think about something. Think about you got two different individuals. What if they had the same unfinished situation? But they have two different mindsets, two different outlooks, two different complete messages. One person says, Look at everything we still do not have. Nothing ever works for us. Our families cursed. Now stop right there. The other person says, We still have room to grow. Look how far God has brought us. And look how far God is still going to bring. He has not finished the work. Guys, it's basically a negative versus a positive. It's a gap versus gain and it's a mentality. And you can pass it down. Whether you realize that or not. You see, both acknowledge the problem, but only one turns the problem into real pain, real hopelessness. And that in itself can become very, very dangerous. That's the difference between living in the gap and recognizing the gain. And both can be passed down family

The Trap Of Gap Thinking

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language. The gap is very, very, very addicting, like anything negative, like drugs, like porn, like uh gambling, like anything that is a sin. The gap is the distance between it's a mentality. Okay. So it's it's actually the distance between where we are right now, if we're looking ourselves in the mirror, and a made-up facade of where we think we should be. We're constantly measuring life against an ideal future or fiction, should we say. Which means that today always feels inadequate because it is being compared to a fiction, a future, an ideal, something made up in our head. And if that becomes our normal attitude, what does it do for the next generation? They are going to start believing that their peace is always way far ahead as well. Hence the pursuit of peace and happiness. There's always a pursuit. There's never a gratification for the present. Especially when they hear things like, oh, I'll be happy when the bills are paid. Oh, I'll be happy when we have a better house. Oh, I'll be happy when I get a promotion. Oh, I'll be happy when this changes, or when that changes, or when that stress is gone, or that anxiety is gone. You follow what I'm saying? Without teaching, without even knowing it. We're teaching without even knowing it. And we teach them to postpone any kind of gratitude that they should be receiving. That means they themselves may grow up surrounded by blessings and still feel poor. They may grow up still achieving goals and still feel behind. They may even grow up receiving love and still wondering whether they are good enough. And that's what's dangerous. A gap mentality, a gap attitude does not only notice what's missing, it makes the present feel invisible. It's dangerous because it's a victim mentality, not a victor mentality. You see, if every victory is immediately followed by criticism, the next generation who's watching learns that achievement never earns any kind of moment of gratitude. It's always victims instead of victors. You follow? If every inconvenience becomes a catastrophe, what do they learn from that? They learn that hardship is a lot stronger than faith. And that's not a good place to be. If every family used that as a measuring stick, they would learn comparison instead of contentment. Does that make sense? It'd be more it they'd always play the victim. It always victim instead of victors. It's a victim mentality versus a victor mentality. Now, don't get me wrong, that it doesn't mean you can't be tired, you can't be frustrated, and you can't be honest about pain because Jesus even said, in this life we are going to have pain. But the younger generations, they don't need a performance. They need to see the truth. They don't need to see drama, they need to see facts, they need to see truthful faith. You see, the danger's not admitting that the season that you're going through is difficult. The danger is repeatingly speaking as though difficulty means there is no hope and God has abandoned you. Once again, that's a victim mentality instead of standing on God's victory. Flip the script. The same thing can be handed down in a positive way. In a gain. And that is a total different atmosphere in itself.

Gain Mindset And Family Testimony

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You see, the gain measures where we started from, to where God has brought us today. And back to where we started from. You see, the gain remembers what changed, what healed, what was learned, all the things that we survived, all the grace that was sustained along the way. That is victory, my friends, and that is not victim. That's a victory mentality. That is not a victim mentality. The gain mindset does not pretend everything is perfect because it's not. But what it does do, it refuses to let what is unfinished erase what God has already accomplished. In fact, it takes what God has accomplished and it moves us forward. It progresses us. It grows us. Psalm 78, four says, We will not hide them from their descendants. We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders that he has done. There's a lot of responsibility in that verse. You see, someone's got to tell the story. Someone's got to be the testimony. The next generation may see us today, but it may not see where we begin, where we were, where we started. You see, it may see the perfect home, but it never saw the years of struggling. It may see that perfect, stable, what seems to be God-filled marriage, but it doesn't see all the forgiveness and God's grace that help rebuild in everything that they went to to get to where they are today. You see, they'll see your faith today, but they won't see the nights that you prayed through all the fear. And if we don't tell the story, they will mistake grace for ease and comfort. And it will become taken for granted. But God guided us. We did not always have enough, but God provided. You see how the gain becomes a testimony. They become victories. And our kids and the next generation, they watch. They watch you when life gets tough. They watch your reaction. They those become lessons that we never stand up to teach. So when a door closes, do they hear us say everything's ruined? Or do they hear us say, well, we wasn't meant to be walking through that dough? When we make a mistake, do they watch us hide and blame and defend and blame it on other people? Or do they watch us apologize, learn from our mistake, and begin again? When someone else succeeds in something that we want to succeed, do they see jealousy from us or do they see celebration? Celebration without treating that other person's gain instead of focusing on our selfish loss. When we remember the past, do we only rehearse the negative and what people did to us? Or do we remember all the time that God stood in the gap and saved us and threw us back in the game? You see, these are the ordinary moments that shape our emotional and spiritual vocabulary. Practice makes progress. Faith is handed down in our conversations every day. It lives in everything we do, our car rides, the dinner table, phone calls, whatever the case is. The way we talk about tomorrow. The choice is yours. We can choose to pass down wounds or wisdom. The choice is yours. Choose wisely,

Ordinary Moments That Teach Faith

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my friends. Because everybody has pain. We can't always control the environment. We can't always control what happens around us or before us. But I can honestly tell you God's there to help. We can decide how we handle it. We can decide our reaction. Because honestly, a wound, a problem that's never faced, that can become a pattern. That's where danger comes in. That pattern becomes fear, and that fear becomes control. And that control becomes disappointment, and that becomes cynical. And then scarcity becomes constant anxiety. And then unforgiveness becomes your story or your family story. And then it's repeated so often that bitterness actually feels like loyalty. You ever seen that situation? You ever been in that situation? But guys, see a wound faced head on, a problem faced head on, surrendered to God. Give it to God. That is true wisdom. That is you can look back and say, well, yep, that happened to me, but uh that's uh you see you say you can acknowledge it. You can acknowledge things, you can acknowledge things that was missing in your childhood, and then choose not to be that person and choose to become present. You can recognize criticism that you receive and learn to correct it without being crushed by it, without emotional detachment. Always say, don't let your emotions run your business. I mean, it's good to be emotional, but don't let the negative emotions run you. Don't let it crush you. And you can also remember that the silence that hurts you, that same that same, that silence, you can become someone who speaks the truth, but do it with love. You see, a lot of us have inherited a gap attitude because that is the mess we've been living in, the society we've been living in. But you don't have you get the choice whether to hand it down. You get to choose. Even Jesus, I mean, in Jesus alone, cycles can be interrupted. Romans 12 12 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. You see, that renewal can change more than one life. Because when God changes the way you think, speak, forgive, and respond, everyone connected to you can experience that difference because it's living through you. So make sure you're passing that down. That's the gain mindset. That is the gain mindset. And the gain mindset's not pretending everything's gonna be fine. No.

Facing Wounds And Renewing Your Mind

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It does not tell people to smile through grief and ignore what needs to change. Actually, healthy faith can say two things at once. This is hard, but God has always been faithful. We got more work to do. It's kind of like saying, I'm disappointed, but I still have hope. You see, that right there, that attitude, that's the kind of faith worth passing down because that's the real life survival kit. That is the model praise that the next generation needs. Because if we only have that when circumstances are easy, they're gonna assume that faith fails under pressure, right? And that's not the case. That's not the story we need to be painting. They need to see us grieve without surrendering our hope. They need to see us repent without drowning in our shame. They need to see us struggle without declaring any kind of defeat. They need to see endurance in grace and faith in Christ. They need to learn that hope is not and will not be absence when trouble arises. They need to see hope is confidence and God's presence is always with us. So we need to start paying attention to our language. Pay attention to phrases like we're never gonna get a break. Nothing ever changes. I'm always running late, I'm always running behind. And then we need to look at ourselves and ask ourselves, does that just describe one hard moment? Or has it become your identity? You follow? And then we need to flip that script and narrate narrate that gain. Because the people coming behind us need to see what used to be different. They need to start seeing us name the answered prayers, the hard lessons, the restored relationships, the broken habits, and the strengths that God developed along the way. And they need to see us celebrate that progress before rushing off towards that next goal. And you need to help with that. So when you see someone take a step forward, honor that step. Just like people need correction, they need to be honored as well and celebrated. Because this world is constantly correcting. And if you have a constant correction without celebration, that makes growth invisible. And then last, they need to see repair.

Repairing Your Words And Tracking Gains

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Oh, jingle jingle. Sorry about that. They they uh them buttermilk biscuits was ready and the timer went off. So but like I was saying before, they need to see you repair. When your attitude of gap spills into a room, you need to own it. You know, whether it's speaking from fear, you know, it wasn't fair to them of the thing you said, whatever, whatever gap mentality it is. You know, you gotta own your gap moments. And then on the flip side, you've got to create those mental Ebenezers that we talked about on the last podcast. The one in First Samuel 712, where he raised a stone and said, Thus far the Lord has helped us. And it could be physical, like you could journal it. I journal. I I like to uh write down um three gains that I had at the end of the day, and then three goals I want to accomplish the next day. So it's trying to manifest itself, but it may be a journal, whatever. I mean, like I do, or a you know, a conversation, a photograph, whatever. I mean, you know, it doesn't have to be total mental Ebenezers, whatever your Ebenezers, but make it part of your culture. Because years from now, the next generation may not remember everything we say, but they'll remember what it felt like, you know, when we brought a problem into the room, or when they brought a problem into the room? They're gonna remember what it felt like. Did our attitude make that room feel heavier? Or did it make it room feel like there's hope? Did we teach them that their worth is dependent on reaching a fake milestone? Or do we constantly remind them that growth happens from a place of love, a place of presence or present, which is the gift of God, which is the gift of now? And then we look back to where we started, and that's how we measure those gains. We're grateful. So, do they hear us speak more about what was missing or more about what God has done? And we're talking about our kids, we're talking about our youth, we're talking about our younger generation. And nobody's gonna be perfect, nobody's gonna model this. I'm just telling this food for thought. This is something to make you think. This is what we do here. I mean, the goal is not to create a generation that feels discouraged, the goal is to create a generation that knows what to do with discouragement. Does that make sense? We take it to God, we tell the truth, we remember his faithfulness, then we take the next step. And that right there is the kind of wisdom and pattern that outlives us. And it also manifests gains for our future's future. So here's your food for thought today, guys. And I'm gonna leave you with this. Your attitude may begin with you, but it

Choosing The Legacy You Leave

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does not end with you. The gap attitude says we're never enough. We never have enough. Life's always against us, and it's somebody else's fault, and we are the victim. The gain attitude, the gain mindset says we are still growing, God is still working, and his faithfulness has brought us this far. Look at all the things we have accomplished since we started. Which will you choose? One can hand down anxiety, comparison, and chronic dissatisfaction, and it can be very dangerous and very toxic. On the flip side, the other can hand down gratitude, endurance, humility, hope, which is hold on, pain ends, and most of all. You cannot rewrite every attitude that was modeled for you in the past, but you can decide what is modeled through you and from you. So let the next generation hear you thank God before everything is finished. Let them watch you learn without shaming yourself to death. Let them see that setback, but that setback is not the end of the story. Let them know where you've been, but who got you through, who carried you through. Do not only leave them something to live on, leave them a faith and a perspective to live by. And that, my friends, is your food for thought. So until the next time, I want you to remember the next generation is learning how to see life by watching us and how we look and live ours. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Dear Father God, Lord, we just thank you for the generations that came before us, Lord. We thank

Closing Prayer For The Next Generation

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you for the generations that are coming behind us, Lord. We thank you for all their stories. And Lord, we thank you that our story can become a testimony to your and of your faithfulness as well, Lord. Lord, we thank you, Lord. Just please show us where the gap attitude just shapes words, homes, atmospheres, environments, Lord. And please forgive us when we magnify that and what is missing while we overlook everything that you've already done. Lord, please just help us not to overlook everything that you've done. Lord, just please renew our minds and heal our wounds. Lord, we don't want to hand that stuff down, Lord. Just please teach us to speak with honesty, without hopelessness. Lord, help us to correct with love and to celebrate progress. Lord, and help us to remember your goodness throughout every single day and every single season. Lord, let those coming behind us be able to say they taught us to remember what God had done and to trust what God is doing and to believe what God is going to do and to have faith in God. It's in Jesus' holy, heavenly name we pray. Thank you. Thank you so much. Amen and hallelujah. Guys, what we repeat and we model today can become the mindset of

Final Words On Getting Right

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what they carry tomorrow. I love you. God loves you more. And if you don't if you don't have a relationship with Christ, you better get right.