Pressed Into Purpose
"Pressed Into Purpose" explores the transformative journeys of individuals who discovered their calling through life's challenges and triumphs. Each episode features intimate conversations with guests from diverse backgrounds who share how they identified their unique purpose, overcame obstacles in pursuing it, and experienced profound personal transformation as a result.
We dive deep into the pivotal moments, unexpected detours, and guiding principles that shaped our guests' paths. Whether through career shifts, personal crises, spiritual awakenings, or gradual realizations, these stories illuminate the various ways purpose reveals itself.
More than inspirational tales, these conversations offer practical insights for listeners questioning their own direction, feeling stuck, or seeking greater meaning. Join us as we uncover how being "pressed" by life's circumstances often reveals our most authentic purpose and highest potential.
Pressed Into Purpose
From Backup Dancer to Mental Health Pioneer: Dr. Abrams Shares Her Story
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Dr. LaToya Abrams shares her unexpected journey from aspiring backup dancer to accomplished counselor, professor, and business owner. Her path was shaped by personal connections to mental health challenges and a desire to increase representation for Black Americans in the counseling field.
• Originally wanted to be a backup dancer and choreographer before switching from business to psychology
• Pursued multiple degrees to deepen her knowledge after seeing family members struggle with mental health issues
• Faced challenges as a young Black woman whose competence was often questioned in professional settings
• Developed strategies to maintain boundaries between work and home life to prevent burnout
• Built a private practice after years of working in challenging environments like methadone clinics
• Balances teaching as a tenured track assistant professor with running her own counseling practice
• Lives with multiple sclerosis, which has deepened her understanding of disability and person-centered care
• Emphasizes the importance of knowing the communities you serve and their specific needs
Visit essenceofhealingllc.com to learn more about Dr. Abrams' services and approach to counseling.
Thanks for listening!
Until next time, continue to press into your purpose!
You can watch the video and Subscribe on Youtube.com @PressedIntoPurpose or learn more about our host at ValeriaWright.com
Meeting Dr. LaToya Abrams
Speaker 1Hello and Hello , and welcome to today's episode of Pressed Into Purpose . I am your host , Valeria Wright . Now let's meet today's guest . Dr Latoya L Abrams is a native and current resident of Chicago , illinois . Dr Abrams attended Roosevelt University , where she received her BA in psychology and MA in clinical professional psychology . She has an MA in forensic psychology with a concentration in law enforcement from Argosy University . Dr Abrams also received her PhD in counselor education and supervision from Alder University . She is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Illinois , a licensed mental health counselor in Indiana and a national certified counselor .
Speaker 1Dr Abrams has been in the counseling field for 15 years , providing individual therapy in various settings . Dr Abrams is currently a tenured track assistant professor at Chicago State University in the Counseling and Psychology Department . She has authored several journal articles and book chapters . She currently serves as the president of the Illinois Association for Couples and Family Counseling . She is also the CEO and founder of the Essence of Healing LLC . Please help me welcome Dr LaToya Abrams . Hello , hi , how are you ? I am wonderful , good , good , good , so glad to have you today .
Speaker 3Thank you , I am so happy to be here .
Speaker 1I am , as I was reading through your bio and as I've gotten to know you a little bit , some of the things I was thinking I was like has she always , like from a child , been like a counselor or wanted to be a counselor ? Because , listen , you have done all the things In counseling . So I guess I'll start with the first question . Yes , what made you choose counseling as a profession ?
Speaker 3Ooh , you know what I'm going to backtrack because this was not in the cards for me . Okay , this was not something where I woke up and , like you know how kids say I want to be a doctor , I want to be a lawyer . I never woke up and said I wanted to be a counselor , I wanted to be a doctor , I want to be a lawyer . I never woke up and said I wanted to be a counselor , I wanted to be a backup dancer .
Speaker 3Are you serious ? I wanted to do choreography , okay , okay , I always liked to dance , liked to sing , do those type of things , and so , as I got older , you're in high school , they're talking to you about careers and you're trying to figure out .
Speaker 3okay , now we'll be in the back of dance and you know , provide it's going to pay the bills , we'll just pay some rent , you know things of that nature , and so I was like I may have to switch some things , I may have to think about what I really want to do , and so I think counseling came . Let me backtrack again I actually majored in business . Okay , I do not like math . I think pretty much all the math class I touched in college not so great .
Speaker 3And I remember calling my mother and I told her I said , if I fail this next math exam , I'm dropping this program and then I'm going to go over to psychology . Okay , and that's what I did , wow . And so , learning about the mind , how humans work , why they engage in certain behaviors , I started to become more interested . Now , fast forward , I'm in the program and I'm like seeing things around me and so , personal history I had an uncle uncle may his soul rest in peace who suffered with schizophrenia and alcoholism . And then I knew people who suffered from depression and anxiety and I'm like what does it mean to be a person with anxiety ? What does it mean
From Business to Psychology
Speaker 3to have depression ? What does it mean to have a mental illness ? And so that's what made me really get into the field and learn more .
Speaker 3And specifically for black Americans , because I didn't for black Americans ? Okay , because I didn't see black therapists . Whenever you watch TV , you would see white counselors on TV . And so I was still like is there a space for me in the counseling field ? And the more I went through school and I would do homework assignments and I'm watching videos for classes , I'm like , okay , so there are some African-American therapists out here , but I think I've always been nosy too . I'm going to just be honest .
Speaker 3I think I've always been nosy and I knew how to ask the right questions to get the information that I needed .
Speaker 3It's important . It's important , and so that's what kind of drove me to be a counselor is that I've always heard people say you have the spirit of help , like you , just like helping people , yeah , and at first I'm like I never really thought about it . I'm like I just want to be here for other people , I want to be a listening ear . I never tied it to anything , I just thought I was being a good person , a good friend , right . But I think it took on a life of its own where it was like not only was I listening , but I could also provide some type of advice .
Speaker 1Okay , that was helpful . Okay , okay , wow , back up dancing .
Speaker 3I know my mother . When she found that out she was like ooh , I am so glad you did not tell me that , Because she said I was not going to , Uh-uh , she wasn't going . No , she wasn't going for that , no .
Speaker 1So you talked about going to school and then seeing some things in your family and with people around you At what moment , and you also talked about how you changed from a business major to psychology . And so what then prompted you ? Because you have several degrees in psychology , so what made you pursue each one of those ? And then what ? I guess a better question is what intrigued you about the different topics ? So you have the forensics . You've got , you know , the mental health , you've got all the things .
Speaker 3So again , another funny story is I never wanted to go to college . Okay , so it amazes people that they hear my background . They're like oh so you just knew you wanted to go to school . No , I never wanted to go to college . That was never my idea and or plan .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3Um , me and my mother had a discussion close to graduation from high school and I said you know , I don't think I really want to go to college . Okay , and the first thing she said well , what's your plan ? Right , and I'm like to be honest , I don't have one . And she said so here she I think she reversed psychology . The first thing she said well , let's do this go to school for a year , midway point I'm going to check in with you and see what your plan is . Okay , we can revisit the conversation . Okay , she checked in with me . She said so , what plan ? I said I still don't have one . Okay , and as you can see , four degrees later , I guess I never came up with a plan because I stayed , and I think I also stayed because I started to like it .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 3I started to learn different . And so when I got into the psychology field , it was interesting to learn about the brain , like the brain has always fascinated me , human behavior has always fascinated me , because I would see people and I'm like what would make you engage in this behavior , rather good or bad . And so , learning about the brain , I'm figuring like , ok , how can I use this in the future , knowing that in our field it wasn't enough just to have a bachelor's degree , like we had to go further . I ended up doing clinical psychology because then I was like , yes , I just to have a bachelor's degree , like we had to go further . I ended up doing clinical psychology because then I was like , yes , I want to be a therapist , like this is what I want to do .
Speaker 1I want to go back into my community .
Speaker 3I want to help the people who look like me to have a better outcome , a better life Forensic . I'm going to be honest . I went back to school because I think I got bored , because I never had a lapse in schooling , so it was like school all the way up to 18 .
Speaker 3And then I was just like I don't know what to do with myself . But forensics I was always interested in because I would watch crime shows , gotcha , I was always interested . And please , people don't think I'm strange I was always interested in serial killers and kind of what made them tick . Okay , like what ? Because no one wakes up saying , hey , today is a good day to be depressed , use drugs and or be a serial killer ? We hope not . We hope not , right ? And so I was always intrigued by stuff like that .
Speaker 1It scared the people in my family , and so I mean , I have a couple of people in my family that I'm like , really , this is what you want to know about . Yeah , and they said the same thing . I just want to know what makes them tick . I need to know . I don't need to know , but thank God for you .
Speaker 3And so I was thinking that I wanted to do crime scene work and then I heard what it entailed and blood and all this stuff and I was like maybe this is not for me . Okay , you know , it was a good idea in the beginning and so I kind of moved away from that . It did help me in my background because I used to work for a methadone clinic , so it kind of helped me in that space .
Speaker 3Wow . And then I was like you know what ? I have master's degrees , let's go ahead and do the doctoral degree . At this point my mind shifted to more of I still want to do counseling , but I think I want to teach now . Ok , I want to show other people how to do what it is that I do , okay , so I think that's kind of how I came to be in those different fields .
Speaker 1So how far along in your career were you before you said I need to go back and get this PhD ? Ooh .
Speaker 3I think I had been doing counseling already for almost 10 years . I started very young . I started counseling like at 23 . Wow 23 , 24 . And then at that point I was just like I think I was over it , I was burned out , okay , okay , I don't think people really know what goes into being a therapist . Yeah , the mental energy that it
Educational Journey and Career Path
Speaker 3takes , the spiritual energy that it takes , yes , the physical labor . And having worked in a methadone clinic for two years , I was wiped out .
Speaker 1I was depleted .
Speaker 3Hearing those stories I was just like I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life . Yeah , Because it was just emotionally , it was taxing . Yeah , it was it was a good experience , yeah , but it was like weighing on me . So I think at that point I was just like you know what . I know there's other avenues in this field . I need to tap into that , gotcha , and I think when I went back to school to do that , I was like okay , I think I found where I really want to be .
Speaker 1So what was your PhD ? It's a counselor education and supervision .
Speaker 3Yes .
Speaker 1What did that entail ? Talk me through that . Yes , what does that ? What did that entail ? Talk me through that .
Speaker 3So pretty much what that is . It is already counselors in the field , but now we're learning how to teach others to do what we do . Ok , so I'm teaching about micro skills . I'm teaching you how to do treatment plans in the counseling field . I'm showing you how to diagnose people in the counseling field .
Speaker 1So and doing research in the counseling field .
Speaker 3So'm showing you how to diagnose people in the counseling field . So and doing research in the counseling field , so it it walks you through that process .
Speaker 1Okay , okay , and so so now you are teaching at the , at the college level , and what so ? What do you enjoy about teaching ?
Speaker 3Oh , so many things . Ok , I think it's really rewarding to see the students grasp the information . Ok , it is also rewarding for me to see them become licensed in this field , because when they come in they're kind of like I don't know if this is for me . They're fresh , they're very green , they don't they . Some students know some things but they don't know the ins and out of counseling . So to see them go from deer in headlights to like I got this , like I got I'm in internship and I have seven clients , dr Abrams , and I'm doing all these amazing things like that really does warm my heart yeah , it really really does .
Speaker 1Okay , yeah , um , what challenges have you faced along the way , because I know that , uh , you are an educated , talented , beautiful black woman in America . Yes , and I know , being a black woman in America , that is not an easy space to be in in various circles . Yeah , and just in general , what challenges have you faced along the way ?
Speaker 3um , in the field , I think right off two things . When I was younger , it was age .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3And then also the competency level . So people like to question your competency , um , as a woman , as a black woman , and then as a young black woman . So we got the triple , the trifecta , yes , yes , okay . And so the challenge was how do I find a balance in this without having that stereotypical label of being aggressive or angry yes yes , Because I was very passionate .
Speaker 3Yeah , and I come . I become very passionate when people want to kind of test the waters with me If I I'm going to say it really nice . And so when I worked in places where there may be of other people , it was a lot of learning how to stand my ground .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 3Yes , say what I need to say with the firmness and assertiveness .
Speaker 2Mm-hmm .
Speaker 3But also trying to be authentic to myself , because I feel like I had to code switch yes In those settings , right , and so I'm like I can't be Latoya , as me and my husband like to call her Latanya .
Speaker 1We like to give her a different name .
Speaker 3I can't be her in these settings because people are easily offended or sensitive and they don't know how to take that , and so it became anxiety provoking for me because I'm like how do I show up today ? Who is the individual that's going to come in today ?
Speaker 1Is it ?
Speaker 3Latoya , is it Dr Abrams ? Like who is the individual ? And I don't think people know how mentally exhausted it is to code switch . Oh , listen that is a that is a segment all by itself , For sure . You know , if you ever get some other ideas , code switch is another one , because I don't think people really understand how taxing it is for black women , how we have to really consciously think about showing up , yes , and how we show up and so some of the challenges .
Speaker 3I'm a girl who likes to wear different colored braid hair in her hair . And so one day you may see me with some green and black braids , some purple and some blue , and I was like do I cut this out now ? Do I stop doing these things ? Because I don't want my white counterparts to look at me like oh , is she a ?
Speaker 1professional Right . We can't take her seriously .
Speaker 3Right , and so that was another thing . And thank God for my cousins Dr Lockhart , sherry , brandy , all my good people who were like your professionalism isn't tied to your aesthetic . You look professional . What does your hair color have to do with what comes out of your mouth ? So those were some challenges . And then just also just finding my footing . You know , being young and when you're working with seasoned people , I'm going to be honest , they're not quick to help you .
Speaker 3They want they . You know , it's kind of like I'm going to hold on to this information . I'll give you little tidbits , okay , but then you swim and you fish for yourself and you figure it out . And so those were kind of challenges . But thank goodness that I'm the type where you know what that's . Okay , I'm going to figure it out , I'm going to figure it out . You give me one little clue , trust me , I'll figure out the rest . Okay , okay , I'm good .
Speaker 1I didn't think about the young part , but in thinking about you being a young counselor , I think about because we judge people . Look , everybody judges . We all have moments when we , you know , are our best selves and we prejudge people .
Speaker 1I remember going to counseling for the first time and I prayed and I was like God , I need a counselor , therapist , but I need them to be a Christian . Yeah , and you know , because it's important to me that I , that whoever is counseling me , had aligns with the values that I have , and so because I tried a therapist before , well , I guess it was the second time I was going to therapy . First time I went to therapy , I went to this lady and , look , god bless her . But she was a . She was an older woman , older white woman , and when I , when I sat and talked with her about my issues and I was having issues in my marriage at the time , I was having issues in my marriage at the time within the first visit she not only , you know , she validated some things that you know , some things that I said , but then she diagnosed my husband
Challenges as a Black Woman Therapist
Speaker 1and I was like , oh , no , wait now . And he was not present he was not present .
Speaker 1it was only the hour session and I'm the person that tries to tell the whole story . So I told things that were on my heart , that were troubling me . I shared the things that were that I had seen in him , but when she started diagnosing him I was like now I don't think that that's what one should do .
Speaker 1And so when I walked out of there , I was validated but disturbed all at the same time . You know what I mean . So I was like , okay , well , let me . I was like well , God . He was like don't go back to her , yeah . And so I was like , okay , that's what made me start looking for a Christian therapist . And so now I'm sitting in front of this Christian therapist , but she was younger than I was and I was like , okay , she's younger than me , she's a white woman . How can she help me ?
Speaker 2I'm just being honest , right ? No , that is the sentiment .
Speaker 3Because you brought it up , and so you know , I just want to talk about it .
Speaker 1Yeah , so I sat there and I started sharing my story and all the things I shared , you know once again about my marriage and all the different things . She listened to me and she said can we pray ? I was shocked yes , I see it Now . Mind you , I looked for a Christian therapist but I was like can we pray ? Anybody ask ?
Speaker 3me that before in therapy .
Speaker 1And I was , like sure , you know , kind of nervous , right , and the first thing she said was God , you are the God of miracles . We need you to work a miracle in this situation . It changed my entire view of her , the person I had prejudged . Because she was young , because she was white , because she was you know , I felt like how can she really help me ? And she hasn't been doing this very long , right , but she had . But she knew when her strength came from and she also had the tools , because you know , you all go to school for years for this . Yeah , and so it it it quickly . I quickly changed my opinion of her and I was able to hear and receive from her , because she started and she said , can we pray ?
Speaker 3Yeah , and I was like wow , yeah , okay , and then we went on for several sessions afterwards and it was great , you know here's the thing that I do want people to understand when they do see a young therapist and I have to tell my students this because they are young adults you're gonna get that , but don't take it personal yeah , you can't take any of these things that happen in these counseling spaces personal yeah because if you do , you will be at home crying in the corner , you know , because everything is going to hurt your feelings .
Speaker 3And I'll never forget one of my clients and she ended up loving me without missing session , and I'll never forget . I opened the door and I heard her say the first thing she said and it better not be a young person either . I opened the door and she was like , oh , and I told her the thing I said . I said I heard what you said . I said I'm not offended , I understand . I said , but I ask that you give me a chance . If it does not work for you after this first session , you have autonomy , which means you can definitely not see me again . Yes , we went on until I left the company and she was devastated when I left .
Speaker 3She was like oh , my God will you leave it , I was like yes , but she was like I'm glad I took a chance on you . Yeah , she said because this was one of the best experiences that I had with therapy . And she said I saw you as a kid , but she was like you're so wise Right . You're so wise , you're full of wisdom . I'm like well thank you .
Speaker 1I try and I think that's something that we all need to just kind of check sometimes , yeah , because it comes from a place of ego too . It does Because we're like , well , you can't possibly know what I need or know how to help me , exactly because you're young , right , or you're different than me , you look different than me and I'm it's , it's , you know , I never I've thought about it before , but I don't know that I've thought about it like this . Yes , I'm thinking about all the therapists and counselors that I've had it before , but I don't know that I've thought about it like this . Yes , I'm thinking about all the therapists and counselors that I've had . I mean , I've only had what like four over , you know , the past 10 , 12 years or so , but oh my gosh , they've all been white .
Speaker 1I don't think I've ever had a black therapist I've ever had , of black therapists , but I will say that they all acknowledge in the beginning that we do have different life experiences . Yes , they all acknowledge that there may be some things that they might not quite understand . And if it gets to the point where you know I feel like I need somebody different , they're all they were . They've all been like , hey , it's OK , yeah , and I understand , and I appreciate that .
Speaker 3Yes , because I think people , especially therapists , in this field , especially if they're seasoned it's almost and I hate to say this because I'm part of the profession but some of them feel like I still have something to prove .
Speaker 3Or I'm going to show that I am the expert , prove , or I'm going to show that I am the expert , and so they tend to hold on to people that they really should be letting go , that you're doing a disservice because you're trying to prove a point yes , that I have 40 years in the field and I can fix whatever this issue is , and it's like it's okay if this does not work , if this is not a good fit . That's when we have to say you know what ? This isn't working and , Valeria , you may have to go to somebody else , because I think we capped out in this relationship .
Speaker 3And it's hard for people to say that , especially like if this is your field and you are trained in it . It's hard for people to say I don't think I can service this person because I don't think I have the tools for them , and that's okay . It doesn't mean that you're not competent , right , it's just that you don't have what's needed for this person .
Speaker 1And it's okay , because counseling and therapy really is personal . Oh so personal , it is really personal . How are you able to deal with all of those heavy and personal things and not bring them home ?
Speaker 3That took some time , okay , when I was working for the methadone clinic in a place before that , it was hard . It was very , very hard . I would go home with these stories on my mind . I was dreaming about these individuals . It was not inappropriate , but just like I didn't see this person today , where were they Like , are they okay ? And I did not know how to shut anything off . It got to the point where I was telling people please do not ask me about my day because I don't want to talk about it , gotcha . And my mother was like , well , I'm going to ask you about your day because you need to talk about it , Right . But as I got further in the field , I found a place where what happens here is going to stay here , right , I would share with my partner at the time or with my mom . I was like I'll give you guys five minutes of that , yeah . And then I'm not going to talk about it anymore because I was re-traumatizing myself with the stories that I was hearing .
Speaker 1Gotcha .
Speaker 3So I had to set a boundary for myself that when I got home I'll give you guys five minutes of what happened in my workday . But this is not going to be an all-day conversation because I mentally could not handle it anymore . Gotcha , and especially working in a methadone clinic I mean hearing stories of how people ended up on drugs , was it's not for the faint of heart , and so I was like I'm going to hear this here but I'm going to leave it here , and I had to learn .
Speaker 3That took time , but eventually I got it . I was just like , nope , not today , not today , we are done . I even had it was to a point I'm telling like coworkers , if you need me after hours , please call the director . Like , do not call me , because I had to create a safe space for myself . My entire day could not be work . I still have a life outside of this and I had to learn how to carve that out for myself .
Speaker 1Today's episode is brought to you by Destiny Film and Media . Go to destinyfam1.com
Setting Professional Boundaries
Speaker 1for all your media needs . Destiny Film and Media your destiny through film and media . What are some of the tools that you use to be able to carve that out for yourself ?
Speaker 3I'm learning how to . One thing one of my co-workers taught me was to be mindful of the music that I would listen to . Okay , okay , I did not like my coworkers at the methadone clinic . I'm sorry I didn't . Some of them I did . I grew to have very good relationships , but I noticed that , for a place that I didn't like , I was listening to trap music at 5 o'clock in the morning .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh Right .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , you definitely five o'clock in the morning .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh Right . Oh yeah , you definitely .
Speaker 3That was not a good idea because it set the tone for my day . So I'm like listening to this rah-rah , aggressive music and then I'm walking into this place at 5.30 in the morning with this aggressive , rah-rah attitude and she told me I'll never forget . She told me . She said you need to change what you listen to in the morning .
Speaker 1She said you need to change what you listen to in the morning .
Speaker 3Yeah , she said I found a YouTube station that has nothing but meditation music , white noise . Okay , and that's what I would do . Okay , I would listen to meditation music , pray , because the good Lord knows Listen , that I needed it , listen . And I was like , let me just have a conversation , yeah , even down to just deep breathing , just getting myself together . And I would do that after my clients because I'm like this is heavy , Like you could feel it . Yes , and I'm just like okay , let me take 10 minutes .
Speaker 3Let me debrief with myself . Let me talk to God . Like Lord . What was this ? Can we talk a little bit , Listen , and then I would put on my music .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 3And that's what I would continue to do . Now that I have my private practice , it's a little bit better because I'm in my own home , so I drink my tea . I could step away from my workspace , clear my mind , go for a drive , come back see my next client . But I really had . And my biggest issue is consistency in things . Okay , okay , I would start out I'd be like , okay , I feel good , and then I would just stop doing all of it , like not listen to my stuff anymore , oh , wow .
Speaker 1And then I'm like , oh , got to do it again and you would go through the cycle .
Speaker 3I would go through the little hamster wheel of things and I'm like , toya , would you just stay consistent please ? And so I had to tell myself be consistent in what you're doing . Cause that was one of my biggest challenges was just being consistent in things , and so that's what I do . If I have to sit down at home , read the Bible . I listen to the Bible on my phone in between clients .
Speaker 3Keep me some snacks , cause you know you gotta have you some snacks . Get your . You know you got to have you some snacks . You got to have a good snack . Get your cold water or whatever it is that you're drinking , and then just let that be . And even since my office is in my home , I had to have boundaries with that . Yes , I don't do work in my room . Yes , because that's our private time .
Speaker 1Correct .
Speaker 3My office is for work and .
Speaker 1I had to remember that . Yes , yes , yeah , remember that . Yes , yes , yeah , that's , that's , that's good . Those are , those are good tools , good tools . So what do you ? So you are , you are still young , relatively young , and so what do you look forward to ? You've accomplished so much already . What do you , what are you looking forward to ?
Speaker 3I think now what I'm looking forward to is facing some fears , ok so , and what that entails is learning how to be comfortable with public speaking . I cannot stand it . I cannot stand it . Ok , I teach people like , well , you teach . It's different because I know the bodies that sit in those seats and I'm like I feel like I'm a master of those topics and I feel like I can a master of those topics and I feel like I can research anything and be pretty good at it . Yeah , it's being in those spaces where I'm like at conferences and part of my work job is to like go out and present into all of these things . And I was just telling my bosses I'm like girl , I don't know now , but that is a fear of mine that I want to conquer , because I'm like I can be out here doing TED Talks . Absolutely , why not me ?
Speaker 1Listen , you know , listen , my TED Talk is on the way . Okay , I am speaking it into existence . It is coming . Listen , we're going to be . We're going back to back TED Talk on the stage . Listen , let's do it .
Speaker 3Let's do it . I was like I know I can do this and you see certain famous people out here doing this stuff . I'm like now they can do it . Surely , surely , jesus , yes , lord , absolutely I can .
Speaker 3But I learned in this journey I am my biggest critic . I never needed anybody else Listen To talk me out of anything . Who you telling and I would sit and have ideas . And I'm just like , before you know it , I've talked myself out of three things already . And my dear husband , who I love , who I love . He gives me the motivation . Okay , he does . He talks to me and I'm just like I don't , I don't think I can do this , I'm not going to do it . Yeah , and he's like why and I'm sitting here , are you giving me therapy , are you being my therapist now ? And when he questions me , it makes me question myself Like why , why can't I do this ? Why am I talking myself out of these things ? Yeah , and so I'm learning how to not operate out of fear . Yeah , because I feel like that's when everything just tends to fall apart . Listen
Facing Fears and Overcoming Self-Doubt
Speaker 3, because your mind is not there . Yeah , it's already set up that this is not going to work . Correct , this is going to fail . Go ahead and do it , because I already told you it wasn't .
Speaker 1People listen , people don't always think about it , but there's not only the fear of failure , there's also the fear of success , and for a long time , I was afraid that I would actually succeed at doing all of the things that God gave me . You know what I'm saying . I was like that , you know God gave me you know what I'm saying and so I just wouldn't . I was like , well , well , what if it really works ? Or what if it really does take off ? Then what ? And it's like , well , great then . But in my mind it was like , but , but then what ? Like I can't , what , like what ? I was afraid of what would have to come next ? Yes , in my head , yes , I had all these things . Well , if , if this succeeds , or when this succeeds , then I'm gonna have to do this . Or then , if I , if I achieve that goal , then yes , what's left ? What's left ? And I , I don't know , it's just yeah , I have worked very hard to overcome the fear of success over these last four years , even with this podcast . Like I in 2020 , god gave this to me and we're in 2025 and I'm just now executing . You know what I'm saying .
Speaker 1I had to get over so many different things that I didn't like about myself or I wasn't confident about myself . And so I say to you like , record yourself talking . You know , look , look back at it , get accustomed to hearing your voice , because that was one of the things that I struggled with . I struggled with I didn't like the sound of my voice . And it's so crazy because your voice is very soothing . Well , thank you . And I was like nobody has ever told you that your voice sounds crazy . Exactly , why is it that you are ? Why don't you like your voice crazy ? Exactly , why is it that you are ? Why are you ? Why don't you like your voice ? You've had the same voice , your entire life .
Speaker 1And nobody has ever complained about it . Exactly why are you ?
Speaker 3It was craziness , you know , I kind of think about and it's so crazy we me and Darian was listening to like the story of Adam and Eve and how they became embarrassed once they realized like , oh my God , we're naked and everything . It's kind of like children we have no shame , right . We have no fear , right . We do all of the things .
Speaker 3All of the things , Whether they fail succeed or not , but it's like you hit that adolescent year and you recognize the shame , you recognize the embarrassment , yeah , and you're just like . I don't want to do this Because the people they can see me , right , as if they didn't see you before , like did they not see you at 12 ? Did they not see you at 11 ? But at 13 and 14 and 15 , they see you , right , right , you become very well aware of all of the things , and that's what I don't like . I was like I like it . When I was a kid . I just went out here and did random stuff . Clothes didn't match , hey .
Speaker 1I love my hair .
Speaker 3I'm out here just doing the stuff . But then you become an adult or teenager and you're like people are staring , People have critiques . Do I fit the mold ? You have 1,003 questions . Do I look the part Do ?
Speaker 1I sound .
Speaker 3Okay , like you said , I didn't like the sound of my voice either . I'm like this is the same voice that the Lord gave me , and it's beautiful . And it's beautiful , but it's like , for some reason , I don't want to see myself on camera . It's like you had the same aesthetic since you were a child .
Speaker 1What's different ?
Speaker 3today and I think , once I realized and it's so crazy because I teach my clients how to do these things and I'm sitting here like I am having the hardest time executing- trying to execute and implement for myself , and it's so crazy , like even with my own business . I sat on that idea since 2018 . Wow , okay , I had the paperwork in the system , really , and I stopped because the first thing I said was uh-uh , what if this does not work ? What if I don't get clients ? What about money ? What about this ? That ?
Speaker 2and the third .
Speaker 3When me and my husband reconnected in 2021 , and he was like you know , you're a therapist , have you ever thought about having your own business ? I said it's funny you say that . I said I've been sitting on that idea since 2018 . I said my paperwork is sitting in the state system or whatever it is . And he's like so what are you doing ? I say , well , nothing , right , I was like I'm not doing anything . He was like so you don't want to work for yourself , you don't want to have your own ? I was like I do want to have my own . He said so again what are you doing ?
Speaker 3I'm like this man . You have not been in my life but a teaspoon of a minute and you are like pushing me . And when people start to push , I start becoming resistant and it turns into irritability . Okay , Because I'm like okay , stop pushing me . Yeah , but I know you're pushing me for the right thing , right , right , I'm just uncomfortable . I like comfort . Yes , I like behind the scene things we all do . When you tell me to step two inches to the left out of this comfort box , I'm sitting here looking at you like , okay , that's enough of being on our side of the box , put me back in Listen . Put me back in the box and I said you know what , since you are giving me the motivation , I'm going to do this . Okay , I said I'm going to see how this goes . Yeah , mine was already doing what it wanted to do . Okay , girl , go ahead and see if you want to . I said , okay , he helped me with the legal Zoom stuff and he got me all of that .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3But it was a sense of pride when I saw on like August 16 , 2021 .
Speaker 2I remember that Come on , come on .
Speaker 3Well , they were like your paperwork is in the system . You are now the essence of healing LLC . I'm like , wow , I cried , and I'm not a crier . I cried tears of joy because I had never in my wildest dreams and he even said it . We've been knowing each other since we were 13 . He was like you couldn't have never told me that you were going to be a doctor . Wow , he said , because I saw how you acted in high school . I was like , yeah , 20 did the bare minimum .
Speaker 3As long as I passed . I'm good , smart kid . I just didn't feel the need to apply myself , yeah . But he was like I wouldn't have never guessed this , wow . And he was like this is amazing . I'm like I'm scared , but I'm like happy , yes . And then I stopped using the word scared and started saying nervous . Okay , because I feel like those are two different emotions . Like nervousness , I'll still do it .
Speaker 3I'm just nervous , right , but it's pushing me . Yes , because I'm like the nerves are . They're pushing me . When I'm scared , I become stagnant and I don't do anything , okay , and so I started changing my vocabulary around that and I'm like I've been in business three years Come on and my cousin she works with me and so me and her are doing the thing . But I was like I would never guess that I would have my own business and my mom and my dad loves to brag on that .
Speaker 1I bet , because they should be peacock proud , as my dad would say .
Speaker 3I just never . That was just never the vision . I don't know if I really had a concrete vision for myself , because I just never thought about things . I was just the kid
Building a Private Practice
Speaker 3who was like , okay , I'll do something , if it don't work , we're going to move on to the next . But I was very proud and I thanked God every day because I was like what about money . I paid for my business out of pocket .
Speaker 1Come on , people are like what ?
Speaker 3Because the money fell in my lap and I was just like come on .
Speaker 1I am a firm believer . Whenever you begin to walk and do what you're supposed to be doing , what God has laid on your heart to do , then he is going to work everything out . And look , our pastor says God always gives provision for his vision . And so you stepped out on the business because it had been on your heart for a very long time , and so it was obviously something that God had for you to do , and you've been successful in it . And you know , I stepped out on finally saying , ok , I'm going to do this podcast . And when everything lined up the way that it was supposed to line up , yeah , and it has been , dare I say , easy , yes , yes , I struggled for so many years , fighting against it , fighting against my own progress , fighting against my own blessing that I was praying for Because , wait ?
Speaker 1So the Bible also says that God gives us witty ideas and a vengeance , right , and so he gives us these things . And then we're scared so that we don't do it Exactly , scared so that we don't do it Exactly . And then we get frustrated and irritated and upset when things aren't going the way that we think that they should be going and we're not seeing the results that we think we should see when , if we just go back to do what he said to do in the first place Exactly , look at how things work out .
Speaker 3And stop working on your own timing . That's one of my biggest issues . I am very much so an instant gratification type person . I am very . I need this to happen today . If I lay out this plan in the morning , I need to see the fruit of this plan Tonight , tonight . And I think you know God told me one day baby girl , that is not how this works and I was the type where I would pray for things , but I was still doing stuff . I wasn't the type to pray , sit back , relax , wait , let God do his thing . I'm like I think God need a little assistance . Let me , let me and he does not need my help Listen and it's one thing for faith without works .
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying ? Faith without works is dead . So you do have to have some action , you know . Put your faith to action . However , there are other things that we're just doing .
Speaker 3Busy work , yeah , and they have nothing to do with Nothing , wasting time and energy , and you're just like let me and my mother , my grandmother , everybody , if you're gonna pray about it , you shouldn't worry about it . Yes , so they would tell me , if you're gonna worry , then you need not pray , because that means you're not trusting in what he's capable of doing . Yes , so I was like you guys are absolutely right and so .
Speaker 3I had to learn that the hard way . It came to me . So now I pray and I'm like it's from my mind I'm going to just let that be . But that took some time because I operate some time out of anxiousness and that's when a lot of things can fall apart , Exactly Because I'm like OK , I pray , now what are we doing ? I'm shaking , I'm walking around and I'm like no , you got to learn how to sometimes just sit , yes , Be still and be quiet .
Speaker 3Exactly , my therapist told me that she said sometimes you just need to sit and be quiet . And I looked at her . I said girl , for how long Is there a time limit on this ? She was like try for a minute . I . She was like try it for a minute . I tried it and I was like I don't know . This is a lot . But you learn a lot about yourself when you quiet the noise . Yes , I didn't know how to quiet the noise and now that I do know how to quiet the noise , I hear better , I see things better and I'm like okay , this is how I need to be moving . Yeah , I was leaning a lot on my own understanding , which we know we should not be doing .
Speaker 1We should not , but in all our ways , acknowledge him and he shall direct our path . You know , that's what it says .
Speaker 3And that's where I came to like . You know what , if I'm going to pray about it , I'm not going to worry about this thing . I was like , however the Lord see fit to grow this business . That's just how it's going to be , and it's been doing well . You know , it works for me because I do have a full-time job . So I don't take on too many clients , okay , but it works .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3It works and I can still do what I love to do , but at my own leisure , gotcha it was different when you're working for a company and it's you got to see these many clients . You got to do this you got to do that .
Speaker 3It takes the passion away because I felt like it was more corporate goal driven than I . Want you to really sit down and help this individual because there was a number , a goal tied to it . Now , me doing my own thing , it's like I can really help the people how I need to help the people . Can be people focused and not profit focused , exactly so that's why I'm just like I love my business . I do , I love it .
Speaker 1I love it . I love this for you , thank you . So , as we wrap up the conversation , if you were to give and I know you have students , so maybe it's a blast that you give your students , but what advice would you give to someone who is thinking about going into the psychology field or the counseling field ? What advice would you give them ?
Speaker 3The first thing
Advice for Future Counselors
Speaker 3I would say is definitely have a passion for it . Do not make money the focus , because it's not always there Right , and I want people to know that , because when we think of therapy and counseling , we have a Hollywood sensationalized opinion about therapy . When I started out , I worked I tell people all the time I worked at some janky places . I didn't get my first paycheck or my last paycheck from one company . Oh honey .
Speaker 1Rough times oh , that's a whole mess .
Speaker 3A whole hot , flaming mess . Have a passion for it .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3And I say a passion , because you are sitting in front of people who had enough courage to come in and say I'm going to sit in front of a stranger and share my deep-seated issues with this individual in hopes that this person will not judge me and can assist me in growing from this place . Yeah , I would also tell them to set boundaries . This field takes a lot out of you , and I don't say that to scare people , but it does . You have to have boundaries . They're for other people , but they're for yourself too . So , learning how to set healthy boundaries and just love what you do , have a zeal to help people . If you know that helping people is not what you like to do , I do not advise you to be in this profession . If you're coming here for the money , I'd advise you to go somewhere else To find something where I knew , probably from a young age , that I wanted to help people .
Speaker 3I just did not know in what capacity that I wanted to help people . After having personal interactions with people who experienced mental health issues , I was like , yeah , I think this is where I needed to be , because now I'm seeing more black and brown people having mental health issues and not receiving the services that they need , and me myself having my own struggles with anxiety and then also having , you know , some physical health challenges . I don't know if you know I have multiple sclerosis . Well , they gave me . They want to say that I did not know that . You know I have multiple sclerosis . Well , they gave me . They want to say that Got you .
Speaker 3I did not know that , I was not aware , and so that was a challenge at school , because it happened while I was in my doctoral program . Wow , and so losing the ability to sometimes walk , hold a pen , to talk . When it first happened , I thought I was having a stroke . Wow , it was crazy . I like fell down a flight of stairs because I lost all sensation on my white side , and so seeing people and I always say people with , because it's people is person centered language . You're not a schizophrenic , you're not depressed . You are a person who experiences these things , and so I want people to learn how to see themselves outside of what people like to label you .
Speaker 3You're still a person , yes , and so having my own challenges with some things made me view counseling in a different way . Because we treat people who struggle with mental health issues or physical disabilities . We treat them different . We marginalize them . That is true , and at some point I was one of those people . Yeah , because I didn't know what that's like . I'm like , oh , they're different , like what's wrong with them ? It took for me to see my own personal stuff family members to be like , yeah , yeah , I need to have a different outlook on people . So I would definitely encourage to please just have a passion for it . Okay , really , just love what you do , set boundaries and continue to grow in this field . Our field changes five to ten years . There's always some new information . Okay , stay on top of what's happening in this counseling field so that you can better serve your community . Yes , and lastly , know the people that you serve community . Yes , and lastly , know the people that you serve .
Speaker 3Nothing irks me more than outsiders coming into the community and you do not know the people that you serve . You don't know the neighborhood that you're in . I always tell my students when you go into these people's neighborhoods , you're a guest . Yes , which means I need to know what's in your neighborhood . So if you come in and you're telling me I have two kids , I don't have food at home , I need to know where the nearest food pantry is for you . I need to know where your kids can go and get their shots for free . I need to know where the nearest place to get coats if it's cold outside . Know the individuals that you're serving . People come in and they're just like oh , I'm just here , because I'm here , I need the credits for class or I'm trying to satisfy some loan . They said if I come into the inner city , this is no , ok , that's not enough . I need you to know who you're serving .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , because that's important to me it absolutely is , because you can do people more of a disservice . Yeah , when you don't take time to learn . Yeah .
Speaker 3So of a disservice when you don't take time to learn ? Yeah , so just be open and just have a willingness to learn from your client .
Speaker 1Okay , well , I thank you . Thank you For taking time to . I appreciate you . I thank you for taking the time to talk to me today and I just want is there , do you have a website ?
Speaker 3I do so . It's essenceofhealingllccom . You can see all the information , the services that we provide , bios of myself and my cousin . You can get it all there . I write blogs sometimes . I've been lacking on that , but yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , so essenceofhealingllccom . All right . Well , thank you , Dr Abrams , once again , and thank you everyone for listening . We will catch you next time on Pressed Into Purpose .
Speaker 2I'm a hard person to be a friend Really , no way you say that . But I feel like I'm a hard friend because I'm always trying to like hold friends accountable . Yes , and you know , I mean , and I would expect the same thing , absolutely .
Speaker 1You know whatever .
Speaker 2But I just feel like that's why some of them have gone for a season .
Speaker 1Listen because everybody does not want to be pushed . Yes , everybody does not want to or hear the truth , listen everybody does not want to be pushed .
Speaker 2Everybody does not want to or hear the truth .
Speaker 1Listen ? Everybody does not . Today's episode is brought to you by Destiny Film and Media . Go to destinyfam1.com for all your media needs . Destiny Film and Media your destiny through film and media .