Pressed Into Purpose

Season 2: Marriage, Faith, And Purpose - Our Origin Story

• Valeria Wright • Season 2 • Episode 1

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Season 2 of Pressed Into Purpose is all about marriage!

Valencia Bey guides my husband Samuel Wright and I through our messy, funny, faith-filled origin story and the shift from starry-eyed dreams to a purpose-led marriage rooted in mutual respect. Love was present from day one; respect and healthy roles had to be learned.

• setting season two focus on marriage and purpose
• Valencia interviews us about joys, challenges, and growth
• redefining respect and roles beyond rigid interpretations
• early dreams of fame versus God’s assignment for us
• origin story at church and first date on the West Side
• pear-knife dad moment and neighborhood approval
• three breakups, boundaries, and choosing each other
• celibacy, conviction, and aligning desires with faith
• communication habits shaped by TV debriefs and questions
• wisdom to craft our own marriage model, not copy others


Thanks for listening! 

Until next time, continue to press into your purpose!

Season Two Setup And Focus On Marriage

SPEAKER_07

Well, hello everybody, and welcome to season two of Pressed into Purpose. Um, I know it looks a little different. Um, I have somebody over here to my right. Uh, his name is Samuel William Wright the third, and he is my husband, my wonderful, wonderful husband. And uh this season of Pressed into Purpose is going to be a little different. It's going to be uh interesting to say the least. Um, and I am just glad that my husband said yes. So let me tell you first, for those who don't know what Press to Purpose is Press into Purpose is, let me tell you a little bit about Press into Purpose. Pressed into Purpose is a podcast dedicated to examining the journey toward discovering, embodying, and living out one's purpose. My guests and those that follow will offer their perspectives on how they came to recognize their purpose and the ways in which embracing and pursuing it has influenced and transformed their lives. So as we get into season two, season two is all about marriage. It's gonna get interesting, it's gonna be good, and I pray that it will bless you in a way and impact you in a way that um that that is really I I just pray that it blesses and impacts you. Um and so without further ado, we actually have somebody really near and dear to my heart, really near and dear to our hearts. Um, and she is a multi-hyphenate. Um, I call her the Jill of All Trades Master of Most. Um, she is beautiful, amazing, and wonderful. And you'll hear more about her on one of the other episodes of Preston to Purpose, but I want to introduce to some and present to others my sister, Valencia Bay.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here, really excited to talk to you about uh about marriage.

Meet Valencia And The Plan To Interview The Couple

SPEAKER_07

I appreciate, I appreciate your yes. And actually, uh just to let give people a background of how this even came up came about. So a few years back, um I was recording uh for a class, uh Women of Worth Academy, which you'll find out about that later. Um, but uh we were recording for Women of Worth Academy, and I was sharing my story to be able to share it with other women and to help them through a process that you'll hear about a little later in our interview. Um But my sister Valencia was here and she was and and Sam and I were having conversations back and forth as we were uh recording, and she said, You two should get in front of the camera and and and like you know, just tell people your story. And I was like, you know, maybe. And Sam was like, absolutely not. You see the look on his face? He was like, absolutely not. And um, and she said, and and when you do it, I'll even interview you, interview you. And I was like, okay. And so here we are several years later, and that's exactly what she's going to do for us today. She's going to interview us. So I'm going to yield the floor of Preston to Purpose, and I'm going to give it to Valencia. So, Valencia, take us away.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you. That was me catching the ball. Oh, okay, okay. You got it. All right. Well, we'll just jump right into it. You know, I love I I love you all. And um We love you. You're one of my favorite couples because you all have um, you're always so happy, so joyful, and you really love the Lord, and you're very serious about uh God and your mission and life and really living out your purpose. And of course, Sam, you're my favorite videographer. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02

He speaks, people, he speaks, right? I'm grateful.

Joys Of Marriage And What Works For Us

SPEAKER_03

Well, you know what? I want to ask. Uh, we're gonna start with the best thing, the the good, the best things first, the good things. Okay, okay. What is the best part of make of being married?

SPEAKER_07

Oh, you want to go first or you want me to go first?

SPEAKER_03

You can go first. Just just just listen listen things about being married that you love. The best things about being married.

SPEAKER_07

So the best things about being married, there there are several. Uh so one, you have somebody that, well, I'm just gonna speak for me. Yes, yes, for you. Yes. I enjoy being married because I have somebody that makes me laugh. I have somebody that is always here, um, somebody who allows me to, in response to my love language, which is physical touch. So he lets me, you know, pull on them, grab on him, hug on him, all those things.

SPEAKER_01

You see all the liberty that she's doing right now, right?

SPEAKER_07

I love to touch. Um, and he and he's okay, he's become okay with that. Um, and uh I also like that I have somebody to talk to that uh he he listens well. Um and I didn't always appreciate that. So I I'm glad that, you know, we've gotten to a place where I can appreciate that he listens well and he actually gives good advice too. So, you know, at first I was like, yeah, whatever, whatever. But when I started listening, well, things got a little better. So those those are the things that I like about marriage. And then I always have somebody to um to like go out with, you know. Um, you know, just a a a built-in friend, I guess.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

A built-in friend.

SPEAKER_03

What about you, Sam? What about you? Well the best part, what's the best part of being married?

SPEAKER_01

I'm not alone. Okay. Um little bit about me. I'm kind of introverted in being alone and I always feel isolated, but um I did seek to be married. Okay. Uh consult the scriptures to learn about marriage. Okay, I know we'll probably go further than that.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

But I will say that it is not meant for God for man to be alone, or I was not meant to be alone.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I'm very grateful to not be alone. He took the rib and presented to me. Okay. And I received. Oh, okay. And um, so during that time, I mean, we've been married over like 20 years now. I've been married 20 years. 20 years. 20 years. And um, I would have to say, through the ups and downs, she was there through the ups and downs. She's very stern. Uh, through the ups and downs. I learned how to be patient because she's very strong. And um through that, um I also learned to be a little bit more communicative. Like she said, I'm a good listener. I always listen, but now I'm learning to listen. And uh, she also helped me to tell how much I talk. Uh and I ask a lot of questions. So those who know me, I ask a lot of questions. He does, he does. Um, for those who have not heard me ask a lot of questions, lucky you. Um talk to her, she'll let you know. You're probably happy that you knit Sam ain't asking no questions. Um But definitely I will say that being married, not being alone is the best part. Waking up to someone next to you that loves you, who took a lot of stuff and stuck it through. Um that's a testament of faith. So I'm grateful for that. Um and uh also it's a lot. I don't want to spend a whole time talking about what I think is best.

SPEAKER_05

Well, I mean, keep keep telling, keep sharing all the things that you love about Mary.

Faith, Not Being Alone, And Learning Patience

SPEAKER_01

Well, I do I I do I I do I do enjoy messing with her a lot. Okay. Um I do enjoy making her laugh. Okay. I do enjoy the conversations we be having, uh, especially when it comes to Love is Blind or Mary the First Side. Oh, those are shows, yeah. We watched them, and then and even in the midst of those conversations, you know, we we we we even had some tough moments we had to dealt with because of certain situations that spurred up some stuff. We we only 10 minutes in, this one thing happened next to no two hours. We're talking about our life. It's really free therapy, is what it is. Right. And then it's like, you know, uh uh sidebar made at first sight. If you ever need me on the show, I would love to be on there.

SPEAKER_07

Oh my gosh, he totally wants to be the person that does the the the reunion interview. Like, listen, because he's like, I want to get in there.

SPEAKER_01

I just got one question for you. There's one question, that's it. But uh other than that, um the conversations we be having um, and also she also helped me to well actually meet that back. God used her to help me to define who I am. Um, because I know some people say she, you know, she helped me to be the man. Well, well, here's the thing, I'm always a man, but being married and not understanding it, she helped me to define that God lane, because God put us together for a reason.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And Satan, we probably find out sometime in life. Satan, or even now you're saying ourselves try to destroy what God put together. Okay. You know, the Bible said, well, man put, don't let no man put asunder. Well, you know, we're man too. So it's not that it's not necessarily outside. Yeah, so um, so I'm definitely grateful that God did not give up on us, and then mostly that we didn't give up on God. Okay. And you didn't give up on yourselves either. That's it. Exactly. And then um, and um, so I'm definitely grateful that we are here today.

SPEAKER_03

That's actually one thing that uh, and yes, we'll get into that more later, but that's one thing that I really admire and respect about the two of you. Um when you've of course we know every relationship has challenges, whether it's a sibling relationship, a spouse, or children. We've we've any anyone who's in a relationship that they care about and they want to nurture and and that they want any relationship anyone who's in a relationship that they care about and want to nurture that relationship and want it to be successful, they're gonna be some challenges. But the two of you have really moved through with grace and respect for one another. So, and from from the outside looking in, I hear you when you say um she she helped me to uh she helped me with this, and you say he's my friend, and you say I have a built-in, you know, you you you agree that you have a built-in friend, and you can communicate two hours later after a topic coming up, watching the TV show, you're still talking about it. Yes, so that that can't that can't happen without um love and mutual respect. So I want to ask you, um so has it always been that way? And yes or no, and then there's a part two. So just just yes and has it always been that way?

SPEAKER_07

Love has always been there. Well, from our perspective, love has always been there, and but I don't know that there has always been mutual respect.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, what do you think? I'll say there's been love, but the respect I think was totally lacking in the beginning. Okay. Um, it took the journeys to get to the point that there's a mutual respect for one another.

Love Versus Respect And How It Changed

SPEAKER_03

So let me so that that that that takes me to the next uh question that I have for our discussion. Uh how has your marriage evolved? So you started off I remember you had stars in your eyes. Sam, Sam, Sam. Sam, now I can't say the same thing about you because I wasn't around you as much, but I'll tell you what I thought I saw and witnessed from you. Sam said, Sam said this. Oh no, Sam. No, Sam doesn't think. Sam doesn't. Well Valeria. Valeria. Valeria. Valeria. And you all were deeply in love. I mean, you could tell that the two of you love each other. So what were your dreams for marriage? Those two starry-eyed 20-something year olds. Tell me, Sam, what was your dream for marriage? What was your dream? We done stepped into it now. All right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so all right, transparent moment here. My dreams for marriage were totally not right.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I did want to be married, but I wanted to be married to help me through life, not realizing it required me to do work as well. So my dreams for marriage was really, okay, I want to be with a woman that could help me, which is really true. Okay. I did want to help. But in that beginning, I didn't realize that the help also means not to lean on all the time. Um, so my dreams really turned out to not be the dreams. Okay. Um so but in the midst of that going through and through the ups and downs, through the valleys and the mountaintops, where I'm at right now, for me to say what was the dream to best answer the question, the dreams of going into the marriage was flawed, but now the dream is just pretty much, Lord, what you want this marriage to be.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. So that that's good because it started off one way, but it evolved to something else. So I'm gonna come back to that after I hear from you. So my dream for marriage is very clear.

unknown

Okay. Okay.

Early Dreams For Marriage And Shifting Expectations

SPEAKER_07

All right. So uh first the f uh, well, first of all, I didn't I didn't want to be married too early. So my dream, uh, and then when I met Sam, he kind of, you know, up that timeline. And so I got married earlier than I had envisioned in my mind. But when I when we got together, my dream for our marriage was to be in for us to live and live both of us live out our dreams. Um, and those dreams would have taken us uh by now to Hollywood. Um, and we would have 2.5 children. He hates when I say 0.5. Uh 2.5 children. And, you know, I would be, we would be walking red carpets and, you know, lit just living out, you know, our best lives. That was my dream for marriage. And then also uh to live out our our our purpose like in the spirit realm. But at that point, it was it was more it was more like the spiritual part and the earthly part was different. Okay. Whereas now they might things have definitely evolved. Um and I've gotten to a place where, okay, God, not my will, but your will be done. Not it's not just what I envisioned, all the tick boxes that I had at the beginning. It's okay, God, what is it that you have for us to do? Because I realize that when you marry somebody, it's no longer just what you want or what your desire is. It's what it what it what is the purpose for the two of you coming together.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. So Okay, and before before you go into that, I want to say that the other thing about you having a dream about marriage, it is coming from a singular place. And where she said, I had a dream but came from a selfish place. And so, of course, my dreams is going to be how can I benefit from that and this and that. But in this marriage, God is saying, okay, we gotta break that pride, we gotta break that selfishness down because it is a two-way. Okay, you know, like, you know, my dream, this dream, but like she said, we have to learn that there's other dreams, so we have to learn how to open it up to allow the each other's dream, each other's lives, communication, personality, and wants and needs. And through our 20 years, you know, we ain't here yet. But you know, we're we we we way closer. We in there. Yeah, like I've been finding myself doing some things I know normally did years ago. I'm like, I must be really love. I love her, I love her. Thank you, Lord. Because you really worked on, he really worked on me.

SPEAKER_07

So I think we should roll back the tape a little bit because and roll back to the tape to when we got married, when we were dating, we were one way. Okay, we we responded to each other one way. When we got married, both of our minds shifted into this is how a married person is supposed to be. Okay, so all right, all right. So for me, it was going what was that based on? So it was based on our interpretation of the Bible, of the word of God. Okay. So uh the woman is supposed to be submissive. And you know, you know, there they're there are just different things that that come along, you know, with that. The man is supposed to lead and you know, all these different things, yada, yada, yada. And so in my mind, because the man is the leader, and because I'm supposed to be submissive, then his dreams, his goals and desires come before mine. Okay. That was in my mind, that was the way I interpreted it and the way I saw it. And that's how we grew up, too. Yeah. So you you take a step back so that your husband can can shine.

SPEAKER_03

And you don't cause any trouble. Correct. And if there's anything that comes, if there's anything that comes from that, you just take a you okay, because it's you're you're not as important anymore as your husband and your children.

SPEAKER_07

Right. And so I my whole mindset shifted, and I think we were, and and you could tell about what I didn't have that shifting.

Interpreting Scripture And Roles After The Wedding

SPEAKER_01

Right? Look, you got married. I'm gonna be honest, 100. Okay. One, I'm married, I moved out of my parents' house, I moved out because my dad was talking about raising rent. I said, look, I can't, I work at Oscar, man. I mean, you talking about from here to here, and no, I might as well just get married. So, yes. And here's the thing there was a lot of things behind the pushing for getting married. I ain't gonna lie, okay, but I did want to be married. Okay. Okay, now let's let me. Yes, you did want to be married. I did want to be married, but and because at the time, we would because I said, and and just to let people know how this happened, I was coming in on Thursday for prayer uh no choir rehearsal. Well, that's right, hold on.

SPEAKER_03

I didn't I didn't I didn't formally ask. How did you two meet?

SPEAKER_08

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_01

Tell me, tell me how you met, Sam. Well, well, see, it was it was it was a bright sunny day on the campus of no, but anyway, what happened was I was coming in um to prayer choir rehearsal at back at Barvee Baptist on 17th. And um I was coming in, happy, feeling good, walking in. Valera's up there um directing. In the choir stand, right? In the choir stand, doing her thing, you know. Everybody know the Valeria, the Valeria Dare directing thing with the foot and all that, feet, I should say. And I'm walking in, I'm looking, next thing I know, out of clear blue, even to today, even right now, my heart leaped just telling the story. I heard in this ear, she is your wife. I'm like, what the what? And I was looking around, I'm looking by the stained glass window. Now, at that time, I was still reading, reading, reading the word about marriage, and it says, How old were you? We was in college, I think.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, so maybe nine.

SPEAKER_01

We got married at 20, right?

SPEAKER_07

We no, we got married at 25.

SPEAKER_01

25. See, see, see, this is why I married. Because she remembered these, she remembered ages. I just remember the moments. I remember the moments. I can't remember what age it was, but it was definitely um, I think it was college, and she said, I heard God said, She's gonna be your wife. And I'm like, what the world? Next thing a big smile came across my face. Okay. And I'm up there this, I don't know if she knows, she probably thought, why is this man looking at me creepy and all this stuff, you know? And and so years later, you know, we so were we dating then? Dating when. And when I uh no, so the first time, I don't think we was even dating yet. Well, now were you you were new to the church when you Oh no no, I've been around, but see, I've been there for I've been I got been to Barview since eighth grade. I think they came. I came in fifth grade.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, okay. So you you sa so when you but it was just it you hadn't really paid much attention to her until that particular day.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I knew of her. I knew that her and her sister Vanessa knew everything in Sunday school, and knew all the Bible stories. I knew right there and then because I knew because that's how we grew up. Right, right. And then I'm alone with that, but I just knew right there and then I said, she's too holy rolling for me. I'm not even gonna try. Okay. Because I know I got some things I'm doing that's not pleasing to the Lord's eyes. You know, I I know my way, so I'm not even gonna come to and try to even be close. Okay. And so But that particular day, something like that particular day, because I was out of the blue, I was like, huh. Now here's the thing, I think we was president or vice president at the time. President and vice president of the youth youth. And so, but we never went out. Okay. And so then uh so then we was on the phone one day. Cause here's the thing. Find out, shout out to the young Adele Choir for this. They planned it for us to be together by making her president and getting me to be vice president. And I was like, why y'all picking me? I don't do nothing. I keep to myself.

SPEAKER_04

I don't say no to the I wanted to ask, how did you become high speaker? They voted me again. And next time I know, I was like, okay. I'm like, what did I do? You just sit there.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, all right, fine. You know. Because I'm thinking audio visual ministry.

SPEAKER_07

Hey, right. Which was what he was doing. He's the video guy.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm VPing, and then um find out that they did that to get us to be talking. I guess they saw it. And then you know, so they was working on behalf.

SPEAKER_07

I saw nothing for the record.

unknown

Okay.

Origin Story: Church, Callings, And First Ask

SPEAKER_01

Because I was a dork. I was a lane. I mean, everything. Growing up, I'll come up to the mic and you say, Who's gonna do prayer? That'd be me. I'll come right up. I said, My name is Sammy W Right III. Let's bow ahead and pray. Lord Father, God, we come before you and prayer in the name of our son Jesus. We thank you for this day that we have received in your name. Lord, thank you for the word that we're about to receive. We thank you for the word that we go for. Now bless our week as we go forth in this day. In our son Jesus' name, let us all say amen. That's military.

SPEAKER_07

And he walked straight up and that, like he was very like straight up and down. And he walked like he had like he always walked like he had some real place to go. Whether he did or not. Like he was walking. He was going to the bathroom. He was gonna walk. Listen.

SPEAKER_03

He was going to the fellowship hall to get a glass of water.

SPEAKER_07

You better get out the way, okay? You better get out of the place. Tell me how it happened for you. Um so yeah, he that he said the Lord spoke to him, and uh didn't nobody, the Lord didn't speak to me.

SPEAKER_03

Well, tell tell us tell us your your your side of the origin story.

SPEAKER_07

So uh we were president and vice president, and we that meant that we had to talk to each other because we had we planned different events, whether it was like social outings or uh at that time once a year, every ministry had to plan a concert or or or to um to plan a evening service. Okay. And so we had to talk a lot as president and vice president because we needed to be make sure that we were on the same page. Okay. So in us, within us talking so much, we became friends. And so I got to know a whole lot about him. He got to know, you know, a little bit about me. Um, and I even shared. I even I she was my confession. Like, literally, people were like, I didn't know that about them before I married them. I literally knew it all. She knew all of it. All of it before we even started dating. And I would always encourage him. I would pray for him, pray with him. Um, and like, but I never saw us like dating. So when he asked me initially, like, could we go out? I was like, no, I don't think that's a I don't think we should do that. I don't I you know we're we're we're cool. We're president, vice president, we're we're friends, you know what I'm saying? And um he got the nerve up to ask me again um uh after some time. And I was just like and I was like, no, I don't, I don't, I I just don't think it's a good idea. And I I think the third time he asked me, I said to him, Listen, I don't want to waste our time. I don't want to waste your time, I don't want to waste my time, and I don't want to waste your money. Like, I don't think that we're a good fit. So I don't think that we should date. And he was like, but why? Like, what is your reasoning? I said, I just don't think that we're a good fit. Like, and I just didn't feel it, see it, and he wasn't my type. Okay, like I had a type, and he did not-I wasn't it, he didn't fit any of the of the of my anything of my type. Okay, and I mean he was nice looking, he's always been a nice looking man, but I've but he just wasn't my type. Okay. Um, and so I was just like, no, we shouldn't do that. And can I tell this?

SPEAKER_04

Well, he can call he can edit it out.

SPEAKER_01

Wait, which phone call? The the the one the the one that I asked you or the one before that? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_07

So Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So let me interject. Okay. After she said, you're shop fire and I'm down, that's it. She just like, we're done. We're done. Don't call me no more.

SPEAKER_07

Well, I know, I just said this not a good idea.

SPEAKER_01

Don't think we're gonna go hold hands going down the other big road. We ain't gonna do none of that, right? So one day I had my friend over, uh, Greg McGilroy, and uh we was just playing. I was like, man, I don't understand. So we had a phone call. I called her up, and then I had Greg on the phone. And I said, I'll let y'all two talk. So Greg was actually mediating for me. He was the mediator, asking the questions that she was not gonna answer me. But I stayed on the phone. Okay. So I stayed on the phone and kept quiet as much as possible while playing the game. And everything, and then all the things that she saying, oh, I want a man that's gonna treat me nicely, and all the things that she didn't never tell me, I was like, I'll do that. Why you not giving me a chance? So he kept, and she's like, no, no, no, no, no. So I was like, all right, fine. Then next time I came back on there, I was like, yeah, so y'all, you good now? Yep, and then it's hung up. I now heard all of it, right? So I'm like, I don't get this. So can I tell another call story? Or you want to tell that? I mean, this is your logical story.

West Side Test, Pear Knife Dad, And First Date

SPEAKER_07

I wanna I want to tell that story. Okay, all right. So uh so we were, so he called me one day um after that, and instead of asking to take me out, he said this is what he said. You said PK. He said, All right, he said, is there any movie out there that I can accompany you to see? And I said, Well, yeah. And all of a sudden, on the I hear as I'm holding the phone, I just hear, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, and I was like, oh my God, what have I just said yes to? This was a mistake.

SPEAKER_03

It's like, now I'm gonna tell him no. Right, right. I was like, What's wrong with him?

SPEAKER_07

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, is he really thanking God right now? But imagine Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise gonna come in love when he's jumping on the couch, imagine that you stinking, stinking Jesus.

SPEAKER_01

Now, I don't let her tell you what game, what movie we're about to go see.

SPEAKER_07

I said I said we could go see two can play that game.

SPEAKER_03

No, that's funny. Right. That's funny. And then that would and so sometime with at the movie, you know, we well, so we went to the movie.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, go kick it off from the beginning from the time I picked you up and everything.

SPEAKER_07

Oh, okay. So tell it, tell it now. Tell your story, Flash. Okay, right. So, okay, so you know, we grew up on the west side of Chicago. You know what I'm saying? Right, tell the story, tell the story. Uh we grew, we grew up on the west side of Chicago. He, you know, grew up in Broadview in the suburbs. So I, because he was dorky and, you know, very straight-laced and everything, I was like, and in my mind, uncool. I was like, there is no way that he's going to come to the west side and be able to even fit in. You know what I'm saying? Or, or just like be able to hang with the guys or whatever. Not that, not that I wanted him to hang with the guys, but it was just kind of like, for me, it was another mechanism in my mind, this is not gonna work. Okay, but we gonna go out. So, so this particular day, and it has, it didn't, it never, it has never happened again. But this particular day, when I was waiting for him to come and pick me up, I look out the front window, and there are the guys that live like several doors down had set up a card table in the park, like in the street, in like in the parking space, just in front of the house next door, and they were playing cards. Okay. That had never ever happened before. Okay. This is not a block club party. Right, right. This is like a regular summer day. And there's and I and I look out the window and I was like, are they serious right now? Because all now I'm thinking, he's gonna think I live in like the hood hood. Like, do we, we don't, this ain't what we do, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01

And I was on the phone trying to make sure I get that right address.

SPEAKER_07

He said, Are they out here? I know they're not out here playing cards. And I said, the house next to the next to the guys playing cards in the street. So he pulls up and I'm watching and I'm like, this is just really bad. Like this, this make this makes me look bad, like this makes my neighborhood look bad. He from the suburbs, like I don't know what he's accustomed to. I'm not accustomed to this, but okay, we're gonna see how this works out because all the guys sitting out there, he gets out the car and he's like having conversation with the guys, and they laughing at one point and joking at one point. So you didn't ever really have anything to worry about. And I'm like, how is he?

SPEAKER_01

I'm not finished. He's just talking to her. I broke down her defensive system. That was that was stage one. I went past that.

SPEAKER_07

Okay, all right. So I'm like, what's really going on? So then we come in the house, and well, he comes into the house, and you know, dad, dad always would, you know, I gotta meet him.

SPEAKER_03

I gotta meet him, I gotta talk to him before you go anywhere.

The Door-Unlock Signal And First Kiss

SPEAKER_07

And so he came in the house and we sat down and I do you want to tell this part of the story?

SPEAKER_01

So I come in the house, and uh, Dad Scott, they was eating, dad and mom's got was in the back eating, and um I come in and I sit down and he started talking. And he had his pear and a pear knife. But the conversation was like, I knew my daughter was going out, I knew it was going out, and he was giving me, I can't remember all the conversation, but according to the he was giving me praise. Okay. He was so glad to see me walk through the door. Okay. Yeah. But all I could watch him was cutting this pear. So he had the pear knife and the pear, or whatever knife he was, he had the pear and he was just rotating it. And all I'm seeing on the other side of the blade was this this the peel. The peel. And he just kept rotating and rotating and rotating. Now, see, usually when I cut apps, do that, skin breaks, you know. No, now now we just kept going all the way up. And he took the peel. While having conversations. While we're having a conversation, so glad to see you here. He dropped the pair, and this like this glass, it just came right, it folded right back in the back. And I was like, yeah, let me not mess up with this one at all. Cause he be alive and I be attacked, throwing some, you know, you know, like them stuff in. Bring her back home. Do not do anything.

SPEAKER_02

Do not.

SPEAKER_07

And the funny part is when he told Daddy that later on, Daddy was like, he was like, what? What? He said, I wasn't trying to intimidate you or nothing. He said, I was just shocked that you came through my door because dad had heard the testimony that he gave during Sunday school one one Sunday, like a couple years before that, about how he was saving himself from marriage and you know, he, you know, was uh just f just following God. You know, all the all the things that you would he said, and he said, I was he said, when I when I heard his testimony, I said, he gonna make somebody a a a good husband. He said, and I never thought you'd be darkening my doorstep.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, let me let me ask. So let me that that that's something that's that's something that's important to note, I think, especially in in today's times. There's there's a uh a trend towards celibacy again. Uh, but that's that's something that you all always practice. So you said you were saving tell me tell me how you were saving yourself from both of you all were saving yourselves, and tell me about that.

Breakups, Boundaries, And Choosing Each Other

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think his reasoning was much different from my little bit different. Okay, okay. Um I had a lot of learning aids. Okay. And the learning aids helped me to stay. Well, okay, let me backtrack. Number one, at that time I was scared to death of kids. So that kept me from having sex with any type of woman. Okay. I don't like bills, and the last thing I need to have is because I mean I'm at I'm at proviso ease from here and this pregnant, this woman got pregnant. And I'm here and that this woman got pregnant. We got to work at McDonald's and all that stuff. I'm like, no, no, I'm good. Secondly, I'm still living with my parents. I don't need to hear none of them, none of them saying anything. So I like, you know what? That's buffer number one, buffer number two, and then you say, you know what, though? I am feeling feeling strong and strong in the force, but I don't want to release it that way, so I found another means to release. Okay, so that's what kept yourself a celibate in the true sense. Okay. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07

But for for me, I was trying to be to follow the word of God and be chaste, and you know, to make sure that I didn't have sex outside of marriage because that's not, that's, you know, what the Bible says you should do, you know, and so I was trying to follow toe the line, and not saying I wasn't tempted, not saying that, you know, I didn't have an opportunity or two to do things, but I was very clear that I wanted my first sexual encounter to be with my husband. Because I wanted it to be sacred and I wanted to do it the way God intended for it to be done. Um and I had a lot of uh I just had a lot of examples of what could go wrong or how things could be different. And I I had seen some, a couple of people have good results doing it that way, but for me, it was a conviction, it was a personal conviction to follow the word of God and to, you know, be chaste and you know, to have let my husband be the the the only person to experience that. And so yeah, my mine was for that for that reason.

unknown

All right.

SPEAKER_01

And so continue the uh the next stage of the story after the Oh after the thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus. Oh, at the pear gate.

SPEAKER_07

Okay, yeah. So um, so then we we leave uh we leave the house and we go outside to get in the car. And I get in the car and I lean over to like unlock his door or whatever, and all of a sudden there is just like an eruption. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And and he's like smacking hands with the guys, and I'm like, what is happening right now? He gets in the car with the car. He had the biggest smile on his face when he got in the car. And I'm just like, what is going on? So what tell the people what was going on?

SPEAKER_01

So basically, first of all, let me backtrack. So we leave out the house. Valer goes over there to ream them. Like, how dare you? Oh, yeah, and I'm just saying, like, Valerie, I just got here. I can't go fight five five people right now on your block. I'm like, please, please, don't test me like this right now. Cause I'm like, what are y'all doing? So I opened up the door, let her in. She up to the and so then they tell me, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold on, homie. They was like, hey, hold on, homie. I can't remember if it was the exact words, but at the end of the day, it was like, hey, hold on, hold on. Did she reach over to? And so next time we both, we all looking, and she reached over to unlock the door and opened it. They say, You in, homie? You in? You in, go ahead, dog, go ahead, dog, do that thing. They encouraged me. Because in the movie, there was a movie. I don't know if y'all, it was a movie, I forgot the name of the movie, but they say if the woman reaches over and unlock your door, that means she's interested in you. That's what she did. Even though you're not my type. I didn't know that. You're not gonna survive. I didn't know that. That's funny. So that's what we was all celebrating, they got in the car. So she up there, like, I'm like, this is like, who is this man?

SPEAKER_07

Right. Cause I'm like, how is he all chummy with the the dudes on the West now? Right. That you ain't never met before. What is going up?

SPEAKER_03

Seven houses down. Yeah. Man next door. Right. Out in the street, let out the street playing cars. Listen, who said I love you first?

SPEAKER_01

Oh. I don't even know. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03

I can tell you who kissed first, though. Who said I love you first? All right, so we don't know who who said I love you first, but who kissed first? She didn't. I kissed too. Oh. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, it was a magical moment for me. I ain't believe it. I would not expect that. Because you gotta understand. And you gotta understand. I had dealt with, I had dealt with insecurities. I'm already know that I'm not her type. You know, she wants a strong muscular one, you know. I am definitely not that. He's within, but he's a he's well insulated right now. He's within. He's within. He's within. He's within. But not out showing, you know, but you know, if I flex a little bit, sweetie skin, he's too thin. But so when she, I was opening up the door, and next you know, she just like, and just I'm like, and it was beautiful. Yeah, before I got out of the car, yeah. No, no, it was at the doorstep. Oh, at the was it at the doorstep? Yeah, on your stoop.

SPEAKER_07

Oh the door. This is a magical moment for him.

SPEAKER_01

So you know we can't. Let me, yes, come on, tell me. I mean, like, hey, she couldn't, and I was just like, and she was just looking at me like, what?

SPEAKER_04

I'm like good night. I was like, and I closed the door and I'm like, I'm gonna call, like, I think I called somebody too.

SPEAKER_01

I said, man, believe this. I called, I think we talked about two or three boys or something. I was like, I called everybody. I was like, I could have done a headline.

SPEAKER_07

You could tell everybody.

SPEAKER_02

But what so what what what made you what made you make the move? Um I don't even know what date this was.

Realization Of Love And Reframing The Relationship

SPEAKER_07

At that point, I feel like we had been dating for a while. Okay. Um and we had been on several dates. Okay. And like we would hold hands sometimes, but like there he he wasn't like making a move. And I don't, and I don't know if I I was like, well, I don't, I don't know, I don't I don't know what made me kiss him in that moment, but I think it was just like, well, does he want to kiss me? And so I just leaned in and was like, let me kiss him. And so, and he received it. So I was like, oh, okay, all right, cool. But I think for you, you were like, I'm I'm not trying to push boundaries. Like, I I I don't even know. I just know this.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't want to have sex. Okay. Um, now granted, kiss is a kiss, but I know that now. Um but the time I did. And I just really, I really don't know. I was not expecting a kiss. Because again, I dealt with severe, severe insecurities. Okay. And so I was not thinking that she would ever kiss me. Um, I actually thought the first time we probably kissed would probably be if we ever got married on a wedding day. Wow.

SPEAKER_07

Um that was never my thought to happen. I wasn't, I wouldn't, I wasn't trying to have no sex before marriage, but uh listen. But come on and kiss me now.

SPEAKER_01

Now I will say that kiss did shift me a little bit. I was like, because a lot of things, you know, that kiss cemented a lot, you know, it meant a lot. And I was grateful for the kiss. But uh, you know, but that really showed I can't even explain it. It was just, you know, maybe not meant maybe it's not meant to be explained. That's for me to hold on to. Y'all gotta just gotta figure it out yourself. But it was a great night for me.

SPEAKER_03

Were were you two uh your your first serious relationship? Yes. Okay, so she was your first serious relationship, she he was your first serious relationship. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_07

And what what kept you how so how long did you date before you got married? Three years on and off. So that the it was so it was the nine months as he say, and then we were off for three. I broke up, look, I broke up with him. Okay, and then you know, did he and I always told him why I was breaking up with him. Okay. So broke up with him and then worked on he worked on those things. And then we we came back, we decided to get back together, and then nine months later we broke up again and I told him I think that was the special friend series. Yeah, yeah. So the second time we broke up, I was like, because the first time we broke up, I was like, you know, we we ain't got to like just I already felt like it wasn't gonna work. So I mean it's not a big deal. Um, but then the second time we broke up, I was like, well, I kind of like him as a friend still. So I don't necessarily like, and he the first time he never, like, we were broken up, but he would still check on me. You know what I'm saying? And even the second time, he would still check on me. The third time we broke up, however, he did not check on me. He did not, he like that third time we broke up, I thought he was done. Listen, I said, wait a minute, now I'm like, he not calling me.

SPEAKER_01

I wanna give up, I wanna thank my mom for telling me she said don't contact. So you don't contact it. So thank you, mom.

SPEAKER_04

And you sitting up there, you sitting up there looking at the phone like.

SPEAKER_07

Right, I'm like, he ain't, he ain't gonna wait a minute. He ain't gonna call me. He ain't gonna. And then he used to always walk, walk me and mom to the car because we had two services at the time. So uh, you know, uh uh dad would dad had to be there for both the services, and so but we would come home after the first service or the second service or whatever, whatever we were going to. So we rode separately, is my point. So me and mom were would go to the car most often, and Sam would always walk us to the car. Always. Always. But after that third, that third separation, I was like, hey, you know, we about to we about to go. He was like, all right. Okay, I see you. And he like turned around and kept talking. And I'm like, wait a minute now.

SPEAKER_02

So y'all, you all are broken up. We we were, we were broken up.

SPEAKER_01

So he asked, and she asked for it. I'm honoring what she asks. Don't call me. So I need a call. And we had a bowling outing, uh, bowling outing with the uh choir. Choir. She don't bowl, her wrist was hurting. So Sunday, we all got done singing, me and Greg was talking. And Valeria walked up and said, Hey, how you doing? I said, Hey, how you doing? Just me and Corgian just talking, Greg, Greg, Greg, you know, and I say hello. I wasn't mean. He was and then and so she was like, you know, hey, alright, I'm about to get ready to go. I was like, see you later. And so Valeria walked out, and that you all, I'm telling you, you've seen in the movies uh the woman just be walking all slow. She walking all slow. Uh-huh. Then she stopped. Didn't see me move. I stood. Because I'm like, is he is he not coming? Ten toes down. I did not move, right? So she walks around the corner, kept walking. And so then I told Greg, all right, man, let's move forward. So I moved forward, and we just stood in a position, and I told him to say, stand right there, so I can look like I'm talking to you. But I'm actually watching Valeria the whole time. It just I did not walk. But I'm but I'm feeling neglected. She's feeling neglected.

SPEAKER_07

I'm like, how? And we got all the way to the car and I said, Mama.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_07

Sam didn't walk us. Do you see Sam didn't walk us to the car?

SPEAKER_01

The funny thing, we on the, we on now, she didn't even peek the game. She didn't even know what I was doing. So she walked to the car. We walked outside. Her going up the stairs, like she's like gone in the wind, you know, all that stuff. And she stopped and looked over the standard and then just kept on going. Because at some point I'm hoping that he's gonna walk over and walk into the car. That's what she wanted me to do when she walked up there. She talked about my wrist hurt.

SPEAKER_04

Don't you want to kiss her?

SPEAKER_01

Put some ice on it.

SPEAKER_04

That's what I said. We're not together. We're in it. Put some ice on it. I'm mad. I'm like, what you mean? Put some ice on it.

SPEAKER_01

So then we go outside. We on the patio, uh, on the stoop, whatever he called it. Valera, at the time we had the side parking lot, she always had a one parking spot right there. And so, next thing you know, all she needed was this ocean waves in the background, the wind blowing. She opened up the door and she did this.

SPEAKER_04

And she looked in. And then she just like, and then she put one foot in and looked back. Oh my god. She did all of this. Oh, since you were pitiful.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh this. Just get in the car. And Greg was like, you did a good job, boy. Greg, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry. You can correct it, but you know. But yeah, that's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_07

And then, so like, now we, then we got then I got sick. Listen, now y'all, for real. I felt I had I had never had bronchitis. I've never had any issues growing up. I had never had like bronchitis, asthma, anyway. That's what you did.

SPEAKER_03

You didn't get it, you did not get it.

SPEAKER_07

Baby, listen, I got so sick, I had bronchitis, and I thought I was going to die. I literally thought I was going to die. I was sick, sick, like low sick. And I called, I called Sam and I'm like, like, I'm not feeling well. Now you have to understand that we had broken up. One of the times we broke up before, he called me to tell me that he was sick. And I brought him soup and, you know, all the things. And I went and sat with him, even though we weren't together. You see what I'm saying? So now I'm like, okay, well, at least he could bring me some soup or something. And so I'm like, you know, I'm not feeling well. He was like, you'll be all right.

SPEAKER_04

And I'm like, we not together.

SPEAKER_02

You broke up with me. I'm expecting her wishes for the third time. And you were sitting over there like, I cannot believe.

Closing And Tease: Create Your Own Marriage Model

SPEAKER_07

Right, dairy. So like when I got well, I told my mama, I was like, Mama, like all of this, like Sam is is really not fooling with me. And she's she said, What you mean? I said, I she said, didn't y'all break up? I said, Yeah. I said, but he ain't calling. He ain't, you know, I I was sick, you know, last week and he didn't come and see about me. I said, no, she said, well, Valeria, didn't you tell him not to call you no more? I said I did, but he ain't never listened before. She said, she looked at me and she said, Valeria, you might be in love. And I said, you think so? And for the first time, I thought about, wait, do I want to do life without him? Like, I kind of like him in my life. Wow. Okay. And so it was like, I mean, you know. At that time. This is Valyria. At that time. I was like, I kind of like him in my life. Like, you know, even when we were special friends. That was the term I used when we were broken up. We're special friends. I was like, you know, he's a good guy. Yeah. And so that's like kind of when it changed for me.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. I've heard you tell parts of that story through the years, but I've never heard it. And of course I've never heard it from both of you. So both sides. I I enjoyed that story. That's a good story. Yeah. All right, see you. Mama getting ready to go. Okay. I said, who told him to listen to me?

SPEAKER_04

I said, called him up. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'll be. I'm sick. I'm not I'm not feeling well. I'm not feeling well.

SPEAKER_01

Now mind you, when she got the phone, I didn't pray for her. So I sent the angel. But I didn't go in the presence of the angel. No, I didn't go. No. And mama said, didn't you?

SPEAKER_04

Didn't you tell him not to call you?

SPEAKER_07

I was like, yeah, but he ain't never listened before.

SPEAKER_03

And his mother told him, respect her wishes. Listen.

SPEAKER_07

I'm like, what? And but what that did was it made me start evaluating like what I wanted. Okay. And what, you know, do I, do I really want him? Do I really want a relate more than a friendship with him? Like it really made me start to really look at myself, look in inward instead of always looking at what he was doing or not doing. I just want to say thank you for tuning in to this episode of Pressed into Purpose. We will see you next time. On the next episode of Pressed into Purpose.

SPEAKER_06

So when it came time for us to get married, I had to look outside of my home to try to figure out what I should model. Okay. And that even had to be corrected because my pastor at the time had to say, don't look at anybody. You guys get to change or challenge the narrative that someone else has given you. And now it's up to you to create what your marriage is going to look like. That is such great advice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And people miss that. And so our marriage don't look like it. I mean, nothing about our life look, it goes against the grain. Everything goes against the grain. We didn't date. But who does that?

SPEAKER_07

Right, right. Not anybody else that I know.

SPEAKER_00

You know, you propose three months, get married, have a baby, get part of the ministry, and it's gone. We all from there. That whole thing just, you know, was against the grain. And so um, I think the beginning of that really set the stage.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So a lot of the challenges that we would have had or should have had, we avoided just from taking each of good wisdom.

SPEAKER_07

See you next time.