Perimenopause, Low Testosterone & The Hormonal Plot Twist No One Warned Us About

Perimenopause, Low Testosterone & The Hormonal Plot Twist No One Warned Us About

Why your body feels different, your libido disappears, and what you can do about it.

Welcome back to Cocktails & Confessions, where no topic is too unholy, too awkward, or too taboo.

In this episode, we’re diving headfirst into one of the most misunderstood and least talked-about transitions in a woman’s life: perimenopause. From unexplained mood swings and crushing fatigue to brain fog, weight changes, and a disappearing sex drive, many women find themselves wondering, “What is happening to me?”

We’re also tackling an often-overlooked piece of the hormonal puzzle: low testosterone. While most conversations focus on estrogen and progesterone, testosterone plays a critical role in energy, confidence, muscle mass, motivation, and sexual health…and many women are never told that their symptoms could be connected to declining levels.

Together, we unpack what perimenopause actually is, why these hormonal shifts can feel so disruptive, and how women can begin navigating this season with better information, support, and realistic expectations.

This conversation is honest, relatable, educational, and occasionally hilarious- because sometimes the only way to survive hormonal chaos is to laugh about it.

Whether you’re currently in perimenopause, approaching it, or simply want to understand what millions of women experience, this episode offers insight, validation, and practical guidance for one of life’s biggest…and most unholy transitions.

Pour yourself a drink of your choice, pull up a chair, and join the confession.

Because if nobody warned us about perimenopause, we’re going to talk about it anyway. #Perimenopause #PerimenopauseSymptoms #HormoneImbalance #Hormones101 #WomenOver30 #WomenOver40 #WhatNoOneToldYou #MidlifeAwakening

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Welcome back to the Unholier Than Thou podcast, Cocktails and Confessions Episode Two. Today, I'm joined by my favorite guest, my husband Smitty. If you've ever found yourself standing in the kitchen wondering why you walked in there, cried over a dog video, sweated through your pajamas at 2 a.m., or contemplated divorce because someone asked, What's for dinner? This episode might be for you. Today we're diving into the wild world of perimenopause, andropause, low testosterone, hormonal shifts, mood swings, brain fog, intimacy changes, energy crashes, and all the ways these changes can impact a relationship. Because here's the thing: nobody really prepares women for perimenopause, and they definitely don't prepare couples for what happens when both partners are going through hormonal changes at the same time. So we're sharing our experiences, our confessions, and some things we've learned the hard way. And probably a few stories that will make you laugh and think, thank God, it's not just us. Whether you're navigating hormonal changes yourself, supporting a partner who is, or simply curious about what happens when middle age meets marriage, pour yourself a drink and join us for this honest conversation. So let's get started. So this is a good question.

SPEAKER_04 1:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

As my husband, what's been the most confusing part of perimenopause?

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Uh, I don't know if any of it's confusing. It's just I have nothing good to say about any of this.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

Well, no, there's nothing good to say about it, in my opinion. It sucks.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

Well, I don't really I don't really think you're any different. I don't see a difference. You don't, I don't, you know, you personally probably do. You don't see a difference, but as far as me the way I see you, no.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Okay, you don't have to like the PC answer.

SPEAKER_04 2:24

I'm not. What am I supposed to say? You know, I I don't see a difference in you yet. You warn me about all this stuff that's on the horizon, but okay I guess I do see okay, I do see a couple differences. Okay, what first of all, before you answer that question, what this is you should have warned me about this.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

I didn't want to warn you about it. Okay, yeah. This is the second segment of cocktails and confessions. So we're having fun with it, right?

SPEAKER_04 3:00

That's gonna be super fun. We're gonna have fun with it.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

But again, this is cocktails and confessions, and so let's talk about what you are drinking and what I am drinking this evening.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

I am drinking seltzer water and ice.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

What kind of seltzer water?

SPEAKER_04 3:18

San Pellegrino lemoncello with tequila.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Okay, so that that chaser or mixer is not is a non-alcoholic uh drink that is just adds flavor and cuts the the bite of the tequila. Yeah, so it's very refreshing. They have a lime flavor that I love and a blood orange flavor that we both like too.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

It can be refreshing, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

Yeah, I like them on their own.

SPEAKER_04 3:47

Yeah, it just depends on the ratio of alcohol to said mixer.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Yeah, so you named your drink?

SPEAKER_04 3:57

I just named it so you would take a taste of it.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

I thought the name was really cute.

SPEAKER_04 4:01

I just came up with it on the fly.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Okay. Do you want to tell them what it is?

SPEAKER_04 4:05

I don't even remember what it was. An umbrella, something umbrella.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Beach umbrella. That's what you do.

SPEAKER_04 4:10

Which has nothing to do with it. It's just really strong tequila with a little bit of San Pellegrino. Not a sponsor of the show.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Yeah. Okay. I am drinking straight up Jesus juice right here. This is red wine. I don't even know what this is. This is from like Argentina.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

It's from Argentina.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

I know, but is it a Malbach?

SPEAKER_04 4:31

It's a Maelback.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

It's a Malbac. I love a Malbec. Nice and smooth, buttery finish, real velvety.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

Buttery.

SPEAKER_03 4:38

Love it. It's just, you know, it's good. It's nice. It just makes you relax and chill out and enjoy conversations like the one we're about to have. Okay, so cheers to that. And let's get started on the second episode of Cocktails and Confession.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

Well, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Also, I would like to address something before we get started. So the first episode that aired a few weeks back, I did with a fellow former IFBer Kristen. And I posted a couple of reels on social media and had a couple people that were really upset that we were me. She was not drinking a cocktail, she was drinking coffee because it was nine o'clock at night. They were very upset that I was consuming alcohol. And instead of seeing the fact that we were trying to just have a fun episode and look past maybe something that they disagreed with, they attacked me for it. And that is the only real or episode that they have ever commented in all the year and a half that I've been doing the Unholier podcasts.

SPEAKER_04 5:59

Where are they frequent watchers?

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Oh, yeah. They're secret watchers. Yes, they're secret watchers. But they're still in the cult. They still have the cult mentality. And so they have never commented or liked or shared or said anything about any of the other episodes that I've had on where I've actually talked about abuse within the church. I've talked about child sexual abuse. I've talked about domestic violence, even giving my own story. They have never liked or commented or shared on any of those episodes, but it just so happened that alcohol with cocktail, the first cocktails and confessions episode, that was the trigger point. So, which is fine, but just kind of maybe like priority should be in order. And but also not like surprised because I expect the judgment, right? Anyways, I digress. Let's get started with this episode. Okay. So we're talking about perimenopause.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

And you know what?

SPEAKER_04 7:01

Can I just say something too? Uh I asked Jen if she had a subject that we were talking about, and she goes, No, not really. And I knew she was full of it because I saw the look.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Oh, I didn't know. And then I was like, Oh, you didn't know?

SPEAKER_04 7:14

You just have a bunch of stuff set up here, ready to go.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Two seconds before we started, I asked Chat GPT question.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Okay, well, I'm gonna give a man's perspective on this.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

But that's what we want.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Okay, I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

This is what we want.

SPEAKER_04 7:25

That's what's coming.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Yes, okay. This is what we're here for. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

So how do I feel about it?

SPEAKER_03 7:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 7:33

Blanket statement. It's just another, it's just another thing that guys have to deal with. First, it's you know, the monthly thing, then it's cramps, and all that's not our fault. We didn't do that.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

We didn't say it was your fault, but I know it's like it's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_04 7:52

I didn't say it wasn't a big deal, but it's something like then there's this, then there's something else. Guys just need to, we got stuff happens to us too, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:01

And we're gonna talk about that.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

Fine, and it's just another honestly. I've said this before. I know it's a real thing, I know it happens, I get it, right? I do get it. I don't have to go through it, but yeah, we got it. Okay, you got all your stuff. It's like, whatever, what uh whatever, you know. Now I have to prepare for this new journey. Like, I'm already prepared. It's all good.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Are you prepared?

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. Okay by this time, guys deal with girls and all their emotions and stuff, and I get it. I go through that too. No, I'm hot, I'm cold.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Can fool you. And by the way, you're probably losing a huge fan base right now. Smithy's approval rating is I'm sympathetic to it.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

I'm sympathetic to it, but yeah, we know. Okay, we'll be here for ya. We'll support you, but we always have. Yeah, we haven't had a break from it. There's always something we have to prepare for. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 9:10

There's a built-up tension you have built up.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

Oh, there is.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Maybe we can talk about that.

SPEAKER_04 9:16

Oh, it's not tension, it's just like like I said, we got it. Okay, I know. So, alright. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Okay. So, what is the one thing that nobody warned you about when it comes to like women in perimenopause? Okay, well thing that maybe like surprised you or you weren't expecting.

SPEAKER_04 9:39

Okay, listen. I don't really feel like you're there's a huge difference. I don't see a huge difference. The only difference is I'm constantly getting groomed to prepare for it. You know what I mean? Like I'm constantly being told now it's in my algorithm, and things are sent to me. And I'm like, I didn't even what? What? No, I don't want this.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

It's in your algorithm.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

Yeah, unfortunately. But um, I'll say this, and I don't know if it's part of perimenopause, but people change. That's a normal thing.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

If you stay with somebody long enough, things change. It can't be the same all the time. Yeah. And I think that growing up as a kid, you if your parents stayed together, you don't really see how the sausage is made. That's a bad term, but you know, you don't really see the nitty-gritty, how hard it is to stay together through situations you didn't know were gonna come up. And I don't know if that's part of it, but you know, at this age, I didn't know things would be different. You know, nobody warned us about that. You know, oh yeah, because everyone says marriages work, but that's just something you hear all the time. Yeah, it is. It's day in, day out, you know, the same old bills, dinner work, blah blah blah. But the way you feel about each other, you spend more time with somebody, there's a chance that you can know them less the more time you spend with them. Okay, you know, but I don't think that's a a symptom of said subject.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

Yeah, so I think that's interesting though, because you and I have evolved from the things, the really hard things that we went through in the beginning of our marriage. And if you haven't listened to the episode uh with that we aired a couple weeks ago with David, where he was here and David had Ryan and I on, and we were talking about the various things that we had to navigate early on in our marriage that really shaped us and that was just that's half of it, and that was just the half of it.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

There was the other stuff we didn't talk about. Yeah, I mean, yeah, in the beginning, we went through really rough times in the beginning, which built like a solid foundation.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Because all we had was really each other.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

We couldn't there's no way we should have made it, yeah, with what happened, and uh you know, we did, and then you know, you you spend all this time and we work together, yeah. We can like business partner, so then it's like, are we married or are we business partners? Because you have to focus on that.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

So that's a difficult thing, but we made it through that, and that was hard though, because it's like oh brutal, you have a different way of dealing with customers than I do, where there were times where there, and I don't want to like get into this, we can maybe have an episode about this, but oh yeah, where there were times where I my initial, and here's my Aries fire, would come out and I would initially want to lash out and go for the jugular, be like, screw them, blah blah blah, tell them, you know, forget it, blah blah blah. Then he would be like, We can't be like that. And what? But then there were other times where he would tell me something months later or even years later.

SPEAKER_04 12:58

It's a couple good stories in there.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

He did to as kind of a revenge, uh, like he got the last say type of thing.

SPEAKER_04 13:05

And I was like, in a professional way.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that. But then I was also like, Yeah, that's cool.

SPEAKER_04 13:15

I want to lash out worse than you did.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Yeah, but you had more restraint in a lot of ways, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:20

But you know, this isn't uh suits, you know, we're not throwing, you know, this on TV, so you're not just gonna throw all the jargon around and people are gonna do what you say because you know it didn't work out. You try to make everybody happy, but sometimes you can't, and that's unfortunate, but it's business, and so we got wrapped up in that for a long time, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

But I say all that to say that we went through all these hard times, plus we were going through we started a business, and then you quit your career and you started another business, and it was like we were navigating all these things at once, and then you have the dynamic of dealing with customers on a daily basis. How do you deal with them? He would have differing opinions than I would, and navigating so many different facets in our relationship is a good word because it was like insane, it was insane, anyways. We're not here to talk about our businesses today, however, we are here to talk about perimetopology just a foundational yeah, okay. So this is gonna be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Cool. Um I've been uncomfortable since the first time you said the word. All right. I need what do you got? Throw it at me.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Yeah, and I need a drink for them.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

Oh, I just looked at the questions. Yeah, I have good answers for these.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

Okay, you're not supposed to look at the questions, they have to hit you organically. All right, go. God.

SPEAKER_04 14:43

They're working on the right.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Right here, a cheat sheet right there. You can't do that. Don't look at them. Okay. How does paramenopause affect our intimacy?

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Okay. This, I don't think that it's just that, right? Yeah, because I have a lot of it's like a no, it's just like age, time together. It's the same stuff.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

I agree with you because even people who weren't raised in a religious environment, a very highly controlled, fear-based environment with under purity culture and all that stuff. People in our age bracket and above do deal with this stuff. Even people younger, when you have like little kids and you're exhausted because you're being pulled in so many directions and you're just trying to like keep your head above water. Sometimes intimacy is like last on the list. Like you get in bed at night and you're just like, oh my God, I just want to go to sleep, or I just want to veg out and not talk or think about anything.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

And so I do agree with that. Like sometimes that's just, but I think it's important to sometimes I over-communicate. Like, I'll be like, Are we gonna do it tonight? That's the problem because I want to know ahead of time.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

Yeah, I dumb not a planner, I don't want to plan it. I just want to be like, lay it on me.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

But I want to in my mind get ready and get ready.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

I hate the planning. I don't know why, but it's like, I don't know. Now I'm a spur of the moment guy.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

I'm like, are we going to Netflix and not chill? It just or are we going to Netflix to chill?

SPEAKER_04 16:21

It feels like something on your checklist for the day when it's put that way.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

But that is, I get that, but like that is also my personality, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_04 16:31

I know.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Because I, you know, me, I like lists, I like to check them out. And we are working on that.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

Intimacy is not a list, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

And by the time this airs, hopefully you guys have listened to the episode that I just did with Dr. Alyssa, the sex therapist. If you haven't, please listen to it. Okay. Now, this isn't just me. I'm not the only one that gets this. Mood swings. So you are sometimes, yes, I will say that. You're a Virgo though, so and you're on the cuss.

SPEAKER_04 17:05

Cuss of what? Virgo?

SPEAKER_03 17:07

No, cus to cuss yeah, like Libra and Virgo, you're right there. So that can fluctuate as far as like traits.

SPEAKER_04 17:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

If you're into that. So mood swings, like how does how do mood swings impact communication between us?

SPEAKER_04 17:26

I can tell you this. We're gonna do this? All right. Well, I I'm I've been I have mood swings all the time because I'm uh manopause. No, I've been like that forever just because I over what is it?

SPEAKER_03 17:40

You overanalyze.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

No, I don't overanalyze, I overcommit.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

Okay, yeah, you do that.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

I overcommit and I like I have I like a full plate. And then when I do, it's like, ugh, why did I do this? There's a need to have a little more control.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Whoa.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

I mean, you said say what that's gold.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Are you saying it for me? Yeah, I need more control.

SPEAKER_04 18:04

You want more control.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

What same you?

SPEAKER_04 18:09

What are you talking about? What I always try and control myself. I just, you know, sometimes I roll the dice and lose, but you know, like maybe not control, but like maybe a little more paranoia because you feel a certain way by yourself. But I haven't noticed a change in you. That's what I think.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Okay. I should put a poll out.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

You should, but it's wrong.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

All right, let's go over some since we're here to talk about perimenopause.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Um really well.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Let's talk about symptoms of perimenopause. And by the way, ladies, perimenopause can start in your 30s. So just beware of that. Okay. So perimenopause, first off, is the transitional phase between or before menopause.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

What are you telling me?

SPEAKER_03 18:57

I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

I already know.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

Okay. And it's marked by fluctuating hormones that cause symptoms. And I will name some of the symptoms and I will tell you if I am basically anything under the sun if I if I have experienced any of these, okay? Irregular periods. I mean, this is yes.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 19:17

Pineapple.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

Why?

SPEAKER_04 19:20

Really?

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yeah, we're gonna talk about this.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

This is this is I don't have a period.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

I understand that, but like unholier is all is like taboo subjects and cults and all this stuff. These are things that are sometimes uncomfortable topics, but they're necessary. Okay, hot flashes. Oh, I definitely have hot flashes.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

You have your whole life, everybody gets on.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

I have hot flashes.

SPEAKER_04 19:41

Everybody gets on.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

I don't have them my whole life.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

Yes, everybody gets hot. Keep going. Everything under the sun is a symptom.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

No, no, night sweats. Now, you get those. Yeah, you do you get those?

SPEAKER_04 19:56

I know.

SPEAKER_03 19:56

I don't get those. I get my legs get really hot at night.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

My little and you've had that forever. No, I've just the last we've been married six or seven years. We've been married, six or seven years. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Well, we've been married for 13. Okay. Okay. Sleep disturbances. Uh yes, a hundred percent. You also have that.

SPEAKER_04 20:18

That's everyone all the time.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Sleep disturbances, mood changes, increase in irritability, anxiety, feelings of depression, cognitive issues, like brain fog, forgetfulness, trouble concentrating. Oh my gosh. Yeah, physical changes, weight gain, especially around the waist, slow metabolism, joint pain, and hair loss. Doesn't that sound wonderful?

SPEAKER_04 20:44

Sounds like aging. Sounds like uh normal age progression.

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Sexual changes. Decrease libido. If you don't know what that means, it means sex drive.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

Yeah, that's true. Also with me too.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

That's what I'm saying is a lot of these it's just not on a pedestal like it used to be. But can I just say though that I think that it's time for men to also recognize and embrace the fact we gotta do something else? No, no, no, that we both go through these changes as we age. And that I think that if people are willing to recognize this, that both parties go just because there's more of an emphasis on the women for once going through something like this. What there has to be an emphasis emphasis on women for once? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:43

What are you talking about? You guys are emphasized your full life.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

We emphasize Yeah, but here's the thing typically when a woman my age goes, now just for reference, I'm 47. When a woman might three. Okay. When a woman my age is having all these things happen to her body, sometimes it won't show up on a blood test or a certain basic blood panel. Okay. And so the doctor will then gaslight them and be like, you're not perimenopause and blah blah blah. So she just thinks she's going crazy. Because unfortunately, there is not a lot of there isn't enough research behind perimenopause. There's more research behind menopause. So the problem is that most of menopause is perimenopause. That's where the that's where the the cyclone happens is perimenopause. Once you hit menopause, you're in menopause, like and I get sober.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

But I understand all that, but you have to understand that we emphasize you guys all the time.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

You're always don't take it personally. I'm not taking it. This is a cruise fact. I'm not taking it personally because for decades or generations, it was a predominantly male doctor.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Fine. Whatever. Thing. So you know, it's like, and I get that, but from a guy's perspective, we're raised to think one way about a woman forever. You know what I mean? We always concentrate on you guys.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

So to say, well, for once the women are emphasized, there's I wasn't saying it about you and the other men listening. I was saying it about like the medical community. Oh because for generations, I'm clarifying though, because for generations, it's been predominantly male doctors that didn't put an emphasis on female changes in reproductive systems as as we age. And so there's not basically more or less, it's been the last generation or two that's finally doing real research. And so there's not a lot known about it, as far as like it's not something that's been studied for a hundred years, you know what I'm saying? Like back in the day, they used to freaking send their wives to psych hospitals.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

That's why the symptoms are broad, because you know, these are everyday things that every single person goes through. So it's not like a niche thing. That's my point.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

It isn't, it is though. Okay, other symptoms, heart palpitations, check, headaches sometimes, fatigue, definitely, increased urinary urgency. Maybe if I sneeze or something, yeah. What okay? So it's all so one of the things that it didn't talk about, but I've seen on other lists that I have experienced is itchy palms, itchy feet, like the bottom, the soles of my feet get itchy, especially at night, leg cramps like Charlie Horses in your calves, in your the arches of my feet when I lay down or I'm walking. Sometimes it'll happen. Now, this is sound really weird. Itchy nose, itchy ears. If you ever watch me, I do itch my nose a lot. Like, okay. Anywho, okay. Okay, so those are the symptoms of perimenopause. I know there's more, but I'm not gonna read all of them.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

How can we make this fun?

SPEAKER_04 25:30

I don't know. Cause you don't make it easy. Okay, it's like, yeah. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

Okay, we're gonna do some rapid fire questions. We're gonna spice this up a little bit. Okay, rapid fire questions. So Ryan's gonna answer which is more common for me. Correct. Okay, ready?

SPEAKER_04 25:52

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Hot flashes or rage spirals?

SPEAKER_04 25:55

Hot flash.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

Really?

SPEAKER_04 25:58

You rarely rage.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Sometimes I do, though.

SPEAKER_04 26:00

I guess literally it's two days, it's a day or two before you start. So usually it's so true.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

That is so true.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

Okay, so hot flashes.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Okay, yeah. Okay, crying over commercials or crying over absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_04 26:18

I never seen you cry over commercial.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

So I'm yeah, because we're usually changing this channel.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

Yeah, I just never see you cry over that. So I'll go with crying over nothing.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Do you think I'm a big cryer? I don't think I am either. No. It's been a minute. Don't let things that I feel are stupid affect me. Correct. But sometimes you're like, that is stupid, and why are you lying affect you?

SPEAKER_04 26:38

I don't ever say that's stupid.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

Or you say I'm overreacting.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

I've said that before.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

Yeah. Most irrational argument you shared recently. Me.

unknown 26:50

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

A rational argument.

SPEAKER_04 26:53

It's daily.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

What?

SPEAKER_04 26:55

So something that you shared with me that was.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

It's like an irrational argument that like I had with somebody or wanted to have with somebody.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

I didn't have to nail that down, but just off the top of my head, the thing that you mentioned in the beginning of the show. The people who commented on your wine consumption.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Oh. You think that's an irrational argument?

SPEAKER_04 27:16

Yeah, I do. I mean, people watch your show, they think what they want, they say what they want. That's the whole point of it. I think it's it's low-hanging fruit, but part of the show is people saying how they feel, even if you don't agree.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Yeah, no, I understand that.

SPEAKER_04 27:30

Not that you wanted to argue with them, but and I didn't argue with them. No, but you probably wanted to. For sure. Your Aries fire. That's what you said. That's what you said.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Okay. Okay, what do you think the weirdest symptom of my perimenopause has been so far? Oh, I forgot one. Constipation. That's a for real it's not good, guys.

SPEAKER_04 27:55

I would say the amount of time it takes you to leave the house is getting longer.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

That's true. I've been way better.

SPEAKER_04 28:05

No.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

No. I mean, you get ready faster, but we don't leave any faster.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

I'm saying I get I am way better. Like if you tell me, okay, we gotta meet so and so, a lot of times, what like just a few years back, I would be late every single time.

SPEAKER_04 28:21

Yeah, a lot.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Then I don't know, somehow I figured out to tighten that up.

SPEAKER_04 28:26

I did what I'm saying is checking everything, doing this, straining up. It's like we're coming back. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

You have to explain that because nobody knows what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

Check all the check all the locks, put the dishes in the dishwasher, take the laundry out, fold it. I mean, you name it. We have to do it before we leave, even though we're coming back in two hours.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

It's my OCD. I can't help it. And also, who wants to come home to a house that's all disheveled? Not that our house is ever really disheveled, but I have like high standards.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

It's not, but you asked me, so I know, but I get it.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

But like if the pillows are out of place because the kids were sitting on the couch, I'm gonna fix them before we pillows, you guys.

SPEAKER_04 29:09

Yeah, 400 pillows, can't use any of them.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

That's not true.

SPEAKER_04 29:13

Okay, they do look nice though.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

What food suddenly became life support?

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Oh, pistachios, that is a good thing, heavy on that. The standard Taco Bell. Gosh, chicken cantina menus.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

Oh, yeah, that's really hitting. It's slapping. That slaps, and I'm so glad they brought back the Mexican pizza.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

Ugh. It's so unimpressive, though.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

What I I love the Mexican pizza. The Mexican pizza, but they need to bring back the maxi melt. I freaking love a maxi melt. They brought it back, then they took it away again. I I honestly it's small. It's a small, it's almost like it's it's almost like um a cheesy melt, or what do they call those?

SPEAKER_04 30:01

Cheese roll-up.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Cheese roll-up with the ground beef inside. So it's got like the three cheese blend.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

So it's cheese and meat.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

It's just good because it's got the three cheese blends of the normal cheese they put in there. I'm l and you it does. Anyways, okay. Uh, one thing you wish men understood immediately.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

It's gonna be a long haul, boys. Trap it. You're never gonna hear the end of it. Anything that happens that was a mistake or they're wrong, or anything they did, they pull this out of their quiver, and that's the excuse. Don't know what to tell you. We have no excuses.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

What phrase from your husband instantly irritates you? I know what it is. Do you know what it is?

SPEAKER_04 30:46

There's a million of them.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

Okay, say one.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

I have no idea. Go.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

You don't know.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

You need to relax.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

That exactly.

SPEAKER_04 30:53

See, Sherry does that's not a bad thing. Everyone needs to relax every now and then.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

You never say that to a person.

SPEAKER_04 31:01

You always, if somebody says, you never say that to a woman, they're gonna be mad. That's the first thing you should say, babe. Just try and relax a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

No, no, that's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_04 31:11

Just because Instagram says it's that'll be shifted.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

No, Instagram doesn't say it's me saying I think it works. Oh no, it does not. It lights me up like no other. Okay. Have you ever Googled how to survive menopause?

SPEAKER_04 31:27

No.

SPEAKER_03 31:27

Or perimenopause.

SPEAKER_04 31:29

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Have you ever searched it?

SPEAKER_04 31:32

No, but you've sent me a bunch of stuff on it.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

I know, but have you ever done any research?

SPEAKER_04 31:38

I don't need to.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

All right.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

It's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Here's some fun couple questions for us.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

Okay. Oh, I know the first one. Go ahead. Go ahead, John. Read the best.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

You ask this one first, and I'll ask the one.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

Who apologizes first?

SPEAKER_03 31:52

Usually you.

SPEAKER_04 31:54

Me, because I am uh what'd you say, what do you call introspective?

SPEAKER_03 31:59

You are, and I appreciate that about you.

SPEAKER_04 32:01

Who gets more dramatic?

SPEAKER_03 32:03

That is a toss-up. Sometimes you get very dramatic.

SPEAKER_04 32:08

Not as much. Okay, well between me and you, it's not even close.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Okay, I get more dramatic.

SPEAKER_04 32:13

Viewers are totally gonna agree when it's you.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

Okay. Who's more likely to say I'm fine when they're absolutely not fine?

SPEAKER_04 32:21

Me.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Oh, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 32:22

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

Yeah, okay. Okay, we're doing the drinking game.

SPEAKER_04 32:27

Favorite part.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

Yep. Take a sip.

SPEAKER_04 32:29

What you're good at.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

You forgot why you walked into a room.

SPEAKER_04 32:33

Oh three, four times a day. No kidding.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Okay. Take a sip if you have started crying and you don't know why. Just like randomly. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

What? I haven't cried since I was four.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

That's not true. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

Take a sip if that has happened to me.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Then why don't you take a drink?

SPEAKER_04 32:57

I got a persona to keep up here.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

Oh. Okay. Take a sip if you got mad because someone breathed too loud.

SPEAKER_04 33:06

No.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

See, I don't get that. I know that like other women have complained about like their husband breathing really loud and she's not a big thing.

SPEAKER_04 33:16

Because after a while, they everything they do, they can't stand it.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

See, and that's interesting because I don't experience that at all.

SPEAKER_04 33:25

I never have either. I like people who breathe, so I'm not worried about it. If you're not breathing, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03 33:31

So I don't need to take a drink, and you don't need to take a drink. Okay. Take a drink if you've Googled, am I dying or is this hormones? I'm not. I haven't Googled that specifically.

SPEAKER_04 33:44

I've researched about hormones.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

I do research about hormones.

SPEAKER_04 33:48

I mean, we're all dying, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Okay. Yeah. So let's just take a drink then. Okay. Cheers.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

Even if we haven't, you know, we're gonna do this.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

Okay. Take a drink if you woke up sweating like you ran a marathon. You I have it. What? I don't swe I don't have night sweats. I have shot legs. My legs, they don't sweat.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Okay, so that's different.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

My legs just feel like they're on fire.

SPEAKER_04 34:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Yeah, I'm not like sweaty though. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:17

Mine's like a meat sweat type of situation.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

You got the meat sweats.

SPEAKER_04 34:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

Okay, take a sip. If you snapped at your spouse and then immediately felt bad.

SPEAKER_04 34:30

This is me.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:33

I when I snap at the kids, I don't really I've snapped at you a couple times.

SPEAKER_03 34:36

You snapped at me yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 34:38

Oh, what did I say?

SPEAKER_03 34:39

Yeah. When you Oh, on the phone? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

The information I said was true. I just said it wrong.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

You did. Your delivery was terrible.

SPEAKER_04 34:47

A bad delivery.

SPEAKER_03 34:49

I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

We kind of tiptoed around it, and it was business related.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Put you on ice.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

So you weren't my wife. You were my business partner.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Yeah, but I all I did was simply ask you a question and you freaking bit my head off.

SPEAKER_04 35:01

It wasn't a question, it was a statement that wasn't even in the realm of possible. But I get it, I understand.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Okay. So you're gonna take a drink?

SPEAKER_04 35:10

You seven me too. What are you talking about? You just don't feel bad. That's the difference. So maybe you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

I'm just having fun. This is fun.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

And also, I just want to make a disclaimer. If you don't drink alcohol, that's fine too. There's no judgment on either side.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

You're just better than we are. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 35:30

Exactly. If you are drinking Coke or Diet Coke, or if you're drinking coffee, if you're drinking tea or water or any kind of pop or caffeinated beverage, doesn't matter. Cheers to you in whatever you're drinking. This is just fun either way. Okay. Drink if you bought supplements you never actually used. 100% you.

SPEAKER_04 35:56

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_03 35:58

Dude, there's a whole freaking pantry closet of stuff that you think.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Two bottles.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

Dr. Jeff and you two bottles.

SPEAKER_04 36:06

Thank you, Dr. Jeff, by the way. Ignite. It's not an everyday thing.

SPEAKER_03 36:12

I'm just saying, I have a whole basket of freaking supplements that I got for you. You never use them.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Well, I don't know where they are.

SPEAKER_03 36:19

They're in the pantry closet.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

Oh. I'll use them.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Take a sip if you have needed alone time immediately after needing reassurance.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

I'm not sure what's about what?

SPEAKER_03 36:36

I'm not sure.

unknown 36:38

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 36:38

Yeah, we uh we both like our alone time.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

You yeah, we both do, but you do like you'll just go organize the garage or something weird like that.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

You know, I've said this to you before: dudes are rolling stones. You know, we just uh that's how we're designed. And you meet a pretty girl and you're like, ah, forget who I am. I'll just marry this chick because she's hot and I love her. And being in a garage is like our last uh last refuge.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 37:12

Yeah, because everyone's like, oh, I got a man cave. Ugh Yeah, the man cave used to be the house. The whole house was the guy's man cave.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 37:22

Back in the day.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Before he gets married, you mean no?

SPEAKER_04 37:25

Back in the day, husbands didn't have a man cave. They had their freaking recliner and the house was their cave. They had their chair and their remote and their TV. And now it's like, oh, I gotta have a man cave to get away. It's like, well, your house should be your man cave, don't you think? You know how that changed?

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Yeah, I don't I'm okay with the change. Because you know, I'm not when I was growing up, that's how it was in my house. And my dad had his recliner, and if he was home and he was watching times were good, he was watching TV, and we didn't get to turn out our program because dad was home. Anything and everything, Star Trek.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

My dad used to watch MASH. Oh, I really didn't match.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

She didn't like MASH. Yeah. Turned Hill Street Blues. My dad watched Hill Street Blues. It was like a freaking cop show. I don't know. Anyways, yeah. So my dad had his shows, and when he had the remote, nobody could even say, Can I watch my no? No.

SPEAKER_04 38:26

Nope.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

So, you know, it changed, I think, because everyone else in the house got sick of it and were and was like, How about we create a room specifically for dad to watch his living room and be away from everyone, and then everyone can have their own.

SPEAKER_04 38:45

So it's like, oh, screw him, shove him in the den. That's his man cave. Go in your man cave.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

That's true. I feel like I just got bit by a mosquito on my forehead.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Maybe it's my perimenopause. Oh, yeah, that's perimenopause.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Okay. Take a sip if you have blamed hormones for something that maybe wasn't hormonal.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

Drink.

SPEAKER_03 39:07

Huh?

SPEAKER_04 39:08

You need a drink.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 39:11

Oh, or just take a sips.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

Okay, ready?

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Take a sip if your spouse asks, what's wrong? At the wrong possible moment. A hundred cheers. Both of us have done that. If we've if either one of us has asked each other what's wrong at the wrong possible moment, like we're like raging, crashing out, or having an emotional moment, and it's like, what's wrong?

unknown 39:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

You know what I learned recently? Well, in the last like year and a half, there's a thing where the women don't want you to solve their problems because guys are problem solvers, right? That's what we like to do. They don't want you to solve their problem because they don't want to hear from you. They just want you to listen and not fix it.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

If we wanted a problem solver, we would go to a therapist.

SPEAKER_04 40:04

They're not gonna solve your problems.

SPEAKER_03 40:06

They're gonna give us ideas.

SPEAKER_04 40:08

They're gonna take six weeks and charge you. We're just gonna tell you how it is right away because we love you. I didn't know they didn't want you to give them uh advice.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

No, we don't.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 40:21

We don't. We just want you to listen. We just need a sounding board. Okay, and what we actually want from you guys is we want you to be like, Thank you. You don't need to be like, well, you should have said this and done it this way, and you should or you shouldn't have said anything at all because now that just makes her more mad and then she's gonna blah blah blah. No, we don't sound like good advice. We don't want any of that. We know that we don't want you to be like, oh man, yeah, she's a total bitch.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

Yeah, I do get that. Yeah, I do understand that, but you know, that's one thing. We're clear we didn't know that. We don't know that if you're telling us your problem, we feel like you want us to fix it.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Yeah, in lieu of that discussion, sit if you've wanted to fix it while the other one just wanted to vent.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

Oh my gosh, perfect timing.

SPEAKER_03 41:13

Okay, sip if you texted each other from different rooms after a disagreement every day, every day.

SPEAKER_04 41:21

Well, not after a disagreement, but we text from different rooms all the time.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Sometimes, yeah, sip if you've weaponized silence, I'm good at it. You are good at it.

SPEAKER_04 41:30

My cousin dudes love silence, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:32

I know I also like putting people on ice, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:37

But thing about it is they have to care for it to work.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

Oh, yeah, for sure. Or if they care enough just about like winning the argument or having the last word, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:51

You know what I'm saying? Nobody, I know, but there's no win, nobody went in their head though, because you'll be like, Oh, I roasted that bitch, but only you think that maybe. Yeah, but I get it. You know what some of these questions remind me of the comments is uh John and Kate plus eight. She was like, Can you stop breathing somebody? Remember that?

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Yes. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

And another thing is, did you know that in this age range, like 90% of divorces are filed by women?

SPEAKER_03 42:24

In this age range?

SPEAKER_04 42:26

Yeah, at this stage of your life.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

What's the age range?

SPEAKER_04 42:29

Menopause. That's just that's the statistic.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

Really?

SPEAKER_04 42:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 42:35

Why?

SPEAKER_04 42:37

What do you mean? Why?

SPEAKER_03 42:38

Yeah, why? Because they feel like they're they're not understood, they're not heard, the men are over it.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

I just think they're reaching a point in their life where they know time's running out.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Let's talk about that for a second. Let's in a fun way.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:50

Okay. So we have friends of ours. I'm not gonna name names, but we have friends who have gone and start mine tomorrow. And Ryan recently saw them when he went back for a job in Michigan, and they were like, explain, explain, because I wasn't there. You just told me about it. I was not an eyewitness. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Well, they have all the symptoms of the American diet, everything we're surrounded by tired, sloggy, um, just feeling weak and unattractive. And so they got on.

SPEAKER_03 43:29

But that's affected like their sex life and their weight and their their sleep.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

I don't know exactly, you know, what they're prescribed, but hormonal therapy and some peptides, I don't know which ones, but um, it's changed everything. And I think it's the American diet, the food that we're that we purchased, the fast food options, everything, it leaves our body deficient, deficient, malnourished, and you don't have any tools to work with. So you're always lacking. This, uh, it's probably TRT and some peptides. It's totally changed everything. Not just physical, um, you know, but cognitive. They're they said that they are more slow to react, they're not foggy, they think clearly, so it's really improved their relationship.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 44:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

So yeah, we have decided to embark on this same journey. So maybe we should have guinea pig. Yeah, it's going first. I have an aversion to needles. So when I do go for my Botox, I always close my eyes. I don't even want to see the needle. Don't show it to me. Just do your thing, and I'll see you in six months.

SPEAKER_04 44:48

Topical cream, too.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

Okay. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:51

Those are the two options.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

So I don't know. Uh, but you know, it makes me nervous, but peptides is like the new thing, and apparently it is the wonder of all wonders.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Well, there's like peptides are separate from hormone therapy, but the testosterone, there's like a war on testosterone. All you know, you can see it in males, you know, the male, the average male in America looks different than it did 25 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 45:18

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 45:19

So obviously there's been some changes, and you know, we're lacking that. So I don't really think that it's uh it's something that everybody should look into if you're feeling like not yourself.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 45:31

Not like it's uh, you know, like an ozambic fix. It does take time to kick in, you know. They said it's it's a process, but I'm hoping that it if you knew me when I was younger, I was hell on wheels. And I'm glad those days are over. But uh there there are some things that I'm exhausted and I still am busy, but um I just don't feel like myself. So I'm excited. So we'll see. Jen's Jen's worried about it.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

I don't know. It's just I wanna I want I I just hope that it works and that it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

Yeah, I think it will. I don't want you to be all like you think roid rage or something, yeah. It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 46:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 46:16

Yeah, you can't. I don't think that's the same effect.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:20

It's not steroids.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

It's not steroids, it's TRT.

SPEAKER_04 46:24

Yeah, it's it's hormone replacement, it's uh testosterone. I saw grapes.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

I saw grapeseed oil.

SPEAKER_04 46:30

Yeah, it's uh it's microdose testosterone.

SPEAKER_03 46:33

So I'm okay with the grapeseed oil. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

That's good. Yeah, the conversation I had with the uh consultant was hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 46:42

I won't tell you about it, but it's like a medical consultant, like a certified medical consultant that calls you and does a Zoom call. It's a consult.

SPEAKER_04 46:51

She was super nice, she was funny, but man, some of the stuff she asked, I just I'm not mature enough to handle that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

So I have mine next week. So by the time this airs, I will have it will be determined what I'm going to be doing. So maybe we'll have to report back.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

I feel like we'll have to report back.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

Even though we didn't have like a ton of laughs in this episode, I do feel like this was a good conversation because this is a subject that a lot of people don't want to have with their spouse or their partner because it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 47:28

It's uncomfortable, but you know what? I have to say, we don't need to be told about this. We're already prepared. We're already prepared for it.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

So as we men, I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_04 47:41

If they don't, then they're not paying attention.

SPEAKER_03 47:44

Well, most guys don't pay attention.

SPEAKER_04 47:46

I know, but you know, if you're with a woman long enough, you deal with the monthly cycle anyway, you know, and it's like I know things are gonna be different, but things are different for us too.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

So we understand it, and that's what's important is recognizing the different changes that your both partners are going through.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

We're sympathetic to it, but you have to understand that we change too.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

And I don't think you do that, but that's exactly what I am saying. No, I didn't know it till Dr. Jeff said something about that men go through the change as well. And I have heard and I've heard that that men they lose testosterone as they age, and that affects them similarly to get cranky, we get women. Everyone's hormones are dropping at a dramatic rate, right? Which is why I do the because you look into the replacement, yeah, because because you're you're getting to the age where you're no longer able to reproduce, so your body's like, well, we don't need this anymore, throwing it out, but then that's also what keeps you like sane and stable and all the things. So you know, so you I can't imagine going through this back in the day before they had any knowledge of any of this stuff. Could you even imagine?

SPEAKER_04 49:06

I just thought, yeah, she's been crazy forever and nothing's changed.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

But that's so sad, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 49:13

Maybe they just didn't pay attention to it and nobody talked about it, so nobody would know. And yeah, they didn't know.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

I'm saying now it's like yeah, you know, there's a lot more research on it that they can have these different hormone therapies that people are right able to take and that are available to the public.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

So I'm interested to see how it's yeah, Jen's gonna look like Starla from Napoleon Dynamite in the couple of I am not into that look for sure.

SPEAKER_03 49:44

Um but yeah, I mean a good 10 pounds would be nice to shred.

SPEAKER_04 49:50

Yeah, I wouldn't mind it.

SPEAKER_03 49:51

On you, yeah. Oh yeah, I thought you were saying on me.

SPEAKER_04 49:56

Why would I never I would never say that? I would never say that. I say a lot of dumb things, but I wouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

That's nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:03

Whatever. You look fine.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

Okay, well, so did you want to wrap it with a bow? Or was that it?

SPEAKER_04 50:11

I'll put a little half bow on it.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

A half bow?

SPEAKER_04 50:14

Yeah, I come off I came off as a little harsh tonight, but there's a reason for that.

SPEAKER_03 50:19

And what's the reason? Inquiring minds would like to know.

SPEAKER_04 50:24

It's just frustrating, and uh, I feel like I can be open. First of all, it blindsided me with the subject, so whatever.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

No, that's not true because we actually have been saying I I've been saying this weeks ago.

SPEAKER_04 50:40

I asked you before we started, and you're like, oh nothing. I don't have nothing. I I might have something, and I'm like, I know better than that. It's like, and that's fine, but boom, wall went up, and I'm here for the dudes. You have our stuff too. There's no name for it. There's no name for it. There's no but you know me.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

Um there is a name for it. It's called manopause.

SPEAKER_04 51:06

There's nobody that's just a funny term, right? There's no name, there's no nothing.

SPEAKER_03 51:14

I have to Google this. Hold on a second. I feel like I feel like there is a name.

SPEAKER_04 51:18

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 51:19

What else were you gonna say? We're gonna say something.

SPEAKER_04 51:22

I just wanted to say, like, if you're uh a responsible male, which most of us kinda are, you'll take care of your wife and you'll understand things change, people's wants, needs change over time. And uh just you know, while the wife is going through whatever, your girlfriend or whoever, you know, we're going through it too. We just don't talk about it because we, you know, guys push it down. That's what we're good at.

SPEAKER_03 51:49

There is a term for it. Ready, it says andropause.

SPEAKER_04 51:56

Yeah, but there's no commercial male menopause.

SPEAKER_03 51:59

No, no, no. Male menopause is commonly referred to as andropause. It involves a gradual decline in testosterone levels. Yes, check, which can lead to symptoms like reduced libido, fatigue, depression, and muscle loss. It is medically characterized by a slow reduction in hormone production rather than the rapid, complete drop being in female menopause.

SPEAKER_04 52:30

This kind of proves my point.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

This is so interesting.

SPEAKER_04 52:34

You didn't know that. Nobody says anything about it, but your version of what you go through is pounded into all of our heads.

SPEAKER_03 52:42

Yeah, but you also experience a lot of similar symptoms to what I experience.

SPEAKER_04 52:48

And nobody talks about it. This is very interesting.

SPEAKER_03 52:52

This is because they're focused on like men having heart attacks at you know, this age bracket, and men not being able to perform and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_04 53:03

Yeah, that's fine. But this is a symptom we're selling as boner pills, but my point is you nobody knows. I never heard that word. You haven't either, but your your stuff is constantly referred to.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

So this is what it says. Some men develop depression, loss of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and other physical and emotional symptoms when they reach their 40s and early 50s. Other common symptoms are mood swings, irritability, loss of muscle mass, and reduced ability to exercise.

SPEAKER_04 53:45

Maybe not ability, but want to. My exercises work. I I hate exercising. I liked it for a couple months. I was going to the gym twice a day.

SPEAKER_03 53:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:57

Look at her disappointment. I had like four abs, and I was like, oh, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 54:03

But this new thing, it's gonna change everything.

SPEAKER_04 54:07

You guys wait.

SPEAKER_03 54:09

Interestingly enough, Ryan is a naturally stocky gentleman.

SPEAKER_04 54:16

And so my mom used to say.

SPEAKER_03 54:19

No, this is for real. So, like, you have broad shoulders, big biceps, and all that. So the guy across the street, we moved into this neighborhood like seven months ago. The guy across the street asked him.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

Tell him why it started. Oh, well, you were there's a guy, there's a guy in our sub who drives me nuts. He's yelled at Cam, my son, and then Jen and one of our friends was coming into the sub and the gates weren't working, so they followed him in. He stopped, rolled out his window, started, you know, open the door. Like he was wanting to fight again. And I had had enough, so I walked down to confront him for like the third time, I think. And uh our neighbor Jerry was there, and I wasn't a jerk or anything. I said, you know, what's going on now? And he's like, Oh, nothing, there's no problem. I said, Well, you know, my wife said this and that, and he's like, Well, I didn't know she was anyway. The next day, the neighbors like I was leaving for work in the morning. He goes, Hey, do you work out? And I said, No, I hate working. And he goes, You look like you work out all the time. And I said, Well, that's good. Because I hate it, I haven't done it in I don't even know how long, long time. And uh, so then I said to myself, Well, I'm good. I don't need to. People already think I do. Which I do. I mean, my job is physical. I just don't, you know, CrossFit and all that.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

Yeah. I don't want you to crossfit.

SPEAKER_04 55:47

Why? Tell them why.

SPEAKER_03 55:49

There's all there there's like a lot of like Melrose place stuff going on there at CrossFit. Oh, I'm not into that.

SPEAKER_04 55:58

Okay, which is true.

SPEAKER_03 56:00

This is true. We have receipts, okay? We'll just say that. Okay, anyways, this was uh fun and educational second edition of Cocktails and Confessions. We we definitely had we spilled the tea on this one. There was a lot of confessions, high highs and low lows. I hope this wasn't too heavy for you guys. I just feel like the subject matter is so important. And if you guys really like this episode, please let me know because I want to get an expert, a hormone expert, like an actual certified hormone doctor expert on this podcast so that we can have deeper conversations about this because I think it's super important. And if we can understand each other better and what we're going through at this stage in our life, like it's just gonna be yeah, it would be good for both of us, honestly. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 56:59

Wait till the camera shuts off, guys. I'll I'll follow up and uh tell you how it went.

SPEAKER_03 57:04

Oh, yeah, very bunny. Yeah, you gonna do that on your socials or what?

SPEAKER_04 57:08

I don't know. Just saying.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

I your 10 followers.

SPEAKER_04 57:12

I dished today. I only use TikTok to spy.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

I know.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

I'm gonna check in.

SPEAKER_02 57:18

You did dish.

SPEAKER_04 57:20

A little bit.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

Appreciate that. That's nice. Cheers.

SPEAKER_04 57:24

Cheers, cheers, guys. Stay strong out there, boys. Don't give in.

SPEAKER_03 57:29

If there's one thing we hope you take away from this conversation, it's that you're not crazy. You're not alone, and you're definitely not the only couple trying to figure this stuff out as you go. Perimenopause, low testosterone, and all the hormonal changes that come with midlife can be challenging, but they don't have to become a wedge in your relationship. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get curious, communicate honestly, give each other a little grace, and maybe laugh when things get ridiculous. A huge thank you to my husband, Smitty, for joining me today and being willing to have this conversation openly and honestly. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who probably could use this conversation. We'd love to hear from you what symptom challenges or relationship lessons that have surprised you most during perimenopause, andropause, or midlife. Please let us know, leave a comment. And until next time, keep the conversation honest, the cocktails flowing, and remember, sometimes it's not your partner, it's your hormones. Thank you for listening. Before we close out, I just want to share a quick reminder. The stories told on this podcast are personal experiences and perspectives. They're shared to create awareness and connection, not as medical, legal, or mental health advice. Some of the conversations here focus on abuse, trauma, and other heavy topics. So please take care of yourself while listening. It's always okay to pause, skip an episode, or step away if you need to. And if anything we talked about brings something up to you, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted professional or support resource. You don't have to carry any of this alone. Thank you for listening.