Bridger of Worlds

Breaking the Silence: Porn Addiction, Masculinity, and Recovery

• Ioannis Kokkinos

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In this raw and honest episode of the Bridger of Worlds podcast, host Ioannis Kokkinos opens up about his personal battle with porn addiction and how it became a gateway to deep spiritual healing and self-discovery. Sharing raw and honest reflections, Ioannis explores the psychological, neurobiological, and archetypal dimensions of porn addiction, especially in men.

He discusses the impact of porn on the masculine psyche, the importance of integrating masculine and feminine energies, and the hidden spiritual lessons within the struggle. The episode also sheds light on the societal and cultural implications of pornography, emphasizing the need for open dialogue, safe spaces for healing, and conscious recovery practices.

Listeners will gain an introductory insight into the neuroscience behind porn addiction, including references to Dr. Gary Wilson’s TED Talk and book “Your Brain on Porn.” Future episodes will dive deeper into symbolic healing, archetypal transformation, and reclaiming sacred sexuality.


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 Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Bridger of World's podcast. I'm your host Ioannis Kokkinos. Thank you so much for joining me. If you're on YouTube watching, thank you for tuning in and if you're on one of the podcast platforms, thank you for tuning in as well. So today's an episode, um, that I've been meaning to make.

 I feel like all my previous episodes have been building towards this. Maybe it was because I needed to break the ice in some way, shape or form,  to really get comfortable, you know, uh, getting in front of a mic, getting in front of a camera and talking about what it is I am going to talk about today.

The Taboo Topic: Porn Addiction

It's a  taboo topic. It's a reason, the reason why I started my healing journey. It is the reason why I approach sexual energy and sexuality in the way that I do. It is a reason why I am an ambassador for sexual healing and coming into relationship with that part of ourselves that is to be explored and expanded upon and be used, be utilized as a means to, um, gain more awareness about ourselves, to deepen our relationship to our own bodies, to our own nature, to our humanity.

So today I do want to talk about my experience with porn addiction. I wanna bring this, I guess it's still taboo, I guess it's still seen as a  addiction that maybe is not an addiction or there are people that don't consider pornography a problem. Um, there are people that do consider pornography a problem of course. I want to set the record straight as far as what I believe porn addiction to be as far as like more of the symbolic, archetypal, psychological aspect is concerned.

 So I want to bring in my 2 cents here. I did think about, you know, bringing in stats,  talking about the percentage of teenage boys, the percentage of men, even women that have issues with porn addiction. It's so loaded, right? Sex is very, very loaded from the cultural perspective, from the  religious perspective, from  familial conditioning, from societal conditioning. It goes on and on, right?

And our relationship to sexuality is very personal and it's very unique. So porn addiction is a problem, is a current problem, and I think it's still on the rise even though there's more conversation about it  just because of the very easily accessible content online and  obviously our phones and how easy it is to get on the internet and go on a Google search.

And this makes it very easy to come across some very pornographic content. And there's so much to say around porn addiction. I mean, I think today's episode, I know this is what I want to talk about, but I'm also trusting what wants to come through. 

Personal Journey and Healing

I think I am gonna lean more toward like my personal experience.

And as I said, it's the reason why I started my healing journey. It's really the  reason  why I got so curious around, cultivating my relationship to myself, which ultimately led me to my spiritual path, led me to spiritual healing and expansion and awareness.

I think the reason why a lot of men, and I know women also have issues with porn addiction, but I am a man and I do want to speak to the men  and even to the young men, to the adolescents, to the boys, to the collective masculine that are having issues around porn addiction. And maybe this is a video or information that I would have loved growing up. 'cause I did start watching in the early two thousands. 

Back then there were still no like hub sites, right? Like  youTube style  porn search engines. Thankfully, um, back then it was like websites.   It was  Napster, limewire downloading videos and so on and so forth, and obviously on television  on  TV where there were just channels for pornography. So that was like my exposure and I was absolutely enticed by pornography. It was like  my ultimate escape. And I did mention this in the earlier episodes, that was also the time that I transitioned from elementary school into high school.

And it was a, that was the most challenging time of my life  up until that point because of the deep sense of loss and the deep grief that I felt  leaving my elementary school. And I didn't let myself grieve. I didn't know how to mourn. I kind of internalized everything and the only way I was coping was through junk food and pornography.

The Psychological and Symbolic Aspects

So I'm sure you've noticed by now, I love archetypes and symbolism, so obviously things I've learned, things I've understood, things I've concluded around why there's such a pull toward porn Addiction could be from the man's perspective. It could be very well because from very young ages, boys start to suppress their emotions, right?

We live in a society. We still live in a collective culture where boys are told not to cry, not to be so sensitive, not to emote. It's weak, it's girly, it's feminine, it's frail, right? Like this all starts  from a young age. And this is programming, it's conditioning that we need to decondition and deprogram ourselves from, especially as men, so symbolically, right when we're watching pornography, because masculine energy is the active, present, penetrating force, and the feminine is the passive, receptive, nurturing force, we can very well project these internal dynamics onto the screen, right? Like when we're watching pornography, our masculine energy identifies with the males and our feminine energy identifies with the females. So if we are already having an internal struggle, internal power struggles with our emotional nature, our feelings, even our intuition,

this means that we are experiencing an internal battle with our feminine energy. And what is really like the main theme? I mean the, what is the main energy around the hardcore porn genre? It's a very dominant, a very overpowering male type figure taking over a very submissive, feminine figure, right?

So we're always seeking balance. Our energy's always seeking to balance itself out. So if we have an internal power struggle of the feminine feeling too overbearing, right? Or emotional nature is too present because we've not learned how to hold space for emotion, we've not learned how to hold space for our feminine as men, even as teenage boys, right?

We'll want to balance that out  probably with watching hardcore porn. We want to witness a masculine energy overpowering a feminine energy because that is the antidote to what is alive in us.

So if men are suppressing their emotions, denying their feelings, or not communicating, you know, what they're going through, obviously watching porn can very much be an isolating experience. So for men who have issues with porn,  and obviously like I've been on the internet, I've been on forums, I've done retreats, I've done workshops. This problem, this issue has come up. And most men, if not all men basically say it is a form of escaping,  and it's a very pleasureful escape, right? Because of all the arousal, the stimulation, we get to experience our kinks in a very superficial , unhealthy way because everything is behind the screen, right?

Everything is happening behind the screen, but our brain doesn't know the difference, so. We actually think that we are present, right? If we're like attracted to a certain woman, um, if we are attracted to a certain scenario, a certain dynamic happening,  we are doing an energy exchange, right? Sexual energy is like the most magnetic, the most electric force that courses through us, um, when we are sexually aroused and we want to be intimate with our lover. We magnetize towards each other. And if we're talking about polarities, the masculine is the electric polarity, and the feminine is the magnetic polarity, right? It's the penetrating force. It's the receiving force. So we're not that safe actually when we are behind the screen, alone in a room watching pornography, because we are very much immersing in ourselves in that energy, and a lot of people will not like what I'm saying right now because, and I, I see it on the internet.

I see it online. There is a denial of porn addiction. Like there's, people say there is no such thing. People do watch porn to explore sexuality, to learn new things. 

There's no black and white here is basically what I'm trying to say. People can drink alcohol and not become alcoholics, right?  I don't drink now. I seldom drink. But in my twenties,  in my late teens, I drank. I drank quite a bit, but I never lost control to alcohol. I was, I never could have been considered an alcoholic because basically to know if you're addicted to anything is to have that thing or substance, or substance or activity or behavior control you.  That's how you know you're addicted. So if you're watching pornography leisurely and you're able to go back to your relationship, if you're able to turn it off and to say, I'm gonna watch again in a week or so and then come back to it in a week or so, you're probably not addicted.

But if  you find yourself not being able to stop watching, or if you tell yourself, okay, that's enough, but you keep watching or you turn pornography off and all you're thinking about is pornography,  then you're probably considered a porn addict and you really need to get honest about your situation, whether it's porn addiction or any addiction, right? There's obviously a lot of shame that manifests when we  become addicted to anything  because we feel like it's weak. We feel like  we've lost control over ourselves, and especially as men, we're not allowed to lose control, right?

Men are always supposed to be taking control of a situation, taking control of themselves. So pornography actually very much depicts this taking control, especially like hardcore heterosexual sex. It's men taking control of the women. And yes, that can be incredibly arousing because it is very much a wild expression of the masculine and the feminine.

But in pornography, there's no safe container. There's no communication, there's no consent. We have absolutely no idea what these performers, these actors have agreed to do or not do. If you do your research, and I will be posting some links in the show notes  as well as down below. 

There are a lot of behind the scenes malpractices that are occurring, whether it's drug usage, alcoholism, all kinds of, you know, substances, erection sustainers, pills, abuse, human trafficking, exploitation of both men and women. We just see the glitter, the sparkle, the shiny lights, the perfect angles, right?

 That's what we're seeing. And if you're an adolescent boy, most likely you think that this is what sex has to look and feel like.  This was my case. And because it was the time in my life where I was very much denying my inner emotional experience, I was very much denying my inner grief and even like my coming of age and stepping into my sexual nature, having fuck all idea what that meant because I was watching pornography. I was also overweight, so I was very much ashamed of my body.  I started to believe from a young age that I had to have the super body, I had to have a six pack, I had to have huge muscles in order to be intimate with a woman. And this totally crippled me later on in life because it's a program. It was a thought that really stuck with me  which bled into body dysmorphic disorder. I did ended up losing weight. I even became a personal trainer.

I got in better shape, but I was never lean enough and I was never muscular enough. So this was also a reason why I steered away from any intimate relationships. Every time I was gonna be intimate with a woman and not just physically, even just emotionally, these were like all internal battles that I could not open up about.

And. Yet alone, the physical aspect, forget it, right? Like I was never lean enough, I was never muscular enough. 

The Impact of Pornography on the Brain

And what happens when we watch pornography  from young ages is we basically rewire our brain. So I've studied science, but I'm not a scientist, so I will be posting all sorts of information as far as the neuro wiring is concerned and what happens to the brain while it watches pornography, um, what changed the game? Basically, the first interaction with this information that I ever had was Dr. Gary Wilson's TED Talk:  the Great Porn Experiment. 

If ever you wanna find out about the science of porn addiction, definitely watch this video which I'll post below, as well as in the show notes if you're on one of the podcast platforms and even his book. He also wrote a book about the science of porn addiction and what that does, how the brain basically is plastic and rewires like

we basically are conditioning our brain to only seek pornography as a means to feel pleasure, to feel intimacy, to like basically be in our sexual energy and nature. Now, the good news is this is not permanent. As far as other addictions are concerned, obviously, like, substances, drugs, alcohol, we actually of course, need to cut all these substances out of our lives. And the same goes for pornography. If we become addicted to pornography and we want to recover, we have to cut porn, there's no, you know, watching less or you know, uh, I used to watch five times a week. Now I'm gonna watch twice a week. We have to absolutely cut pornography because the brain will never go back to a more balanced function if we keep exposing our brains to  these pornographic videos and images.

I do believe there is a lot of information online right now as far as the science around porn addiction is concerned because it is becoming more and more of a problem. There is a very high consumption of porn watching online and because there's absolutely everything online right now, if like, let's say someone has a certain kink or has a certain fantasy, most likely they will not go out to try and explore that kink or to try explore that sexual fantasy because it's readily available behind a screen and they can do it in the comfort of their own home. So it really does take us out of ourselves. Um, we actually disassociate very much from our body, from our heart, from our emotions when we are watching pornography. I can vouch for that firsthand. 

Recovery and Moving Forward

Um, by the time I quit,  that was well over 10 years, close to 15 years of  being addicted to pornography. Then like even the after effects, even the recovery after is quite an uphill battle  because as a teenager you've conditioned your body and your brain to basically seek that for any form of intimacy and closeness  and I remember on the forums, right, like a lot of men during recovery, they got girlfriends, they got partners, and they were kind of able to heal in that way as well. Uh, but for me, there was just too much shame. I, I was never able to stay in a relationship long enough or to be in an intimate experience long enough  to fully heal myself. And maybe it's because for me I wanted to go deeper. Uh, maybe because I wanted to really understand the psychology behind it. And again, I'm no psychologist, but I get symbolism. I get archetypes. I understand metaphor. 

And this is what I want to offer today. And I touched upon it a little bit before when I was talking about the masculine and feminine because this is so part of my work. It's so part of my journey, right? Like rebalancing the masculine and the feminine within, what that means for a modern day male in the 21st century.

How can I feel like a man yet still hold space for feminine energy, including my own?  And being able to come into union with a woman that is very raw, is primal,  is liberating and can also be very much a spiritual experience. So in my previous episodes  I did talk a lot about why sexual energy can be a problem as far as like cultural and religious conditioning is concerned. So obviously that plays a role as far as "well I'm growing up, I'm no longer a child.

I'm becoming a man. And becoming a man means I'm becoming sexual in nature. What the fuck does this mean? What do I do with this? Why do I feel like this?" Right? So there's a lack of guidance. And the guidance right now, unfortunately, is pornography. A lot of adolescent boys, a lot of men still, you know, in their twenties and their thirties are looking toward pornography for like sex education.

 And that's terrible, right? We need to have conversations with boys, with girls, with adolescents, not just, you know, put a condom on, protect yourselves or,  okay. Obviously that's like important information, but let's talk about sex from a very grounded and also spiritual perspective, right? Because as I said in my previous episodes, we've separated spirituality from sexuality, and it's not about, you know, sacred sexuality is not about sexualizing everything. Eros, right?

When I talked about on the previous episodes,  to feel Eros in our day-to-day is not about sexualizing everything. It's the sensual experience of being alive, right? Like everything connects to everything else. Everything is communing in Eros. We can commune with life through Eros. That doesn't mean we're constantly having sex.

We are just very much attuned to the sensual, sensory experience of being alive because that's what being alive is, and I think there's such a chase for gratification, for pleasure, such a compulsive need to feel pleasure  hence the development of porn addiction because of the denial, the subconscious denial and rejection of pleasure. We grow up thinking pleasure is bad or that we are not to feel like a lot of pleasure. And what did I say in the beginning of this episode? We're always seeking to balance out. Energy's always seeking to balance itself out. So if we are already within ourselves feeling, uh, shame or guilt around wanting to feel pleasure, any type of pleasure.

And we keep denying that we're eventually gonna lose control and just seek out pleasure in very unhealthy and addictive ways.

 There is much more to say when it comes to porn addiction. And I think today was really much bits and pieces of what it is I will be talking about as far as porn addiction is concerned. Um, I know there are a lot of men that need safe spaces to recover from porn addiction, to talk about porn addiction, to talk about their reasons why they watch porn, what they watch, why they watch that.

Masculine and Feminine Dynamics 

Like whatever we are watching on pornography is not random. Whatever thing is like pulling us or talking to us. Any dynamics, any scenes, any, you know, actors and actresses, whatever it is we are seduced by in pornography is not random because it's all symbolic. We can actually perceive  the porn performers as archetypes.

So if we are working with archetypes, whether it's gods, goddesses, deities right?  in stories and mythologies and cosmologies, we can also do this through pornography because these men and women behind the screen are projections of our psyche. I don't know if anybody talks about that.

I dunno if anybody's mentioned that as far as porn addiction is concerned. Our sexual nature is our primal nature,  and we very well must integrate that and include that in our human experience. Porn really emphasizes this wild nature of our humanity,  but it's done in very unhealthy ways. 

We can experience intense, raw, and primal encounters, you know, in, in our intimate lives. And it can be very healthy, it can be very liberating, it can be very fun and pleasureful.  But none of that exists in pornography  because there's no container present, right? Like if we bring in the masculine, feminine polarities again into the conversation, the whole sexual act, right, like the dance between the two polarities, this union of the masculine and the feminine is feminine energy because feminine energy is change. So when we are expanding, we are contracting, we are moving, we are slowing down. We are rising. We are falling, that's all feminine. So the sexual act as a symbol is feminine. And most of us have not learned that we actually need to incorporate  a container, a safe container, which is the masculine. And this is very much a Tantric approach, right? When we come together with a lover, the optimal process is actually communicating what it is we desire, communicating our fears, establishing safety, what do we give consent to? What are we not consenting towards, right? Like all of this is about setting a safe container, which is the masculine, and then once that safety, once that container's established, then the feminine expression occurs, and it happens in very wonderful, liberating ways because the masculine is present. 

We don't see that in pornography.  Right. We see, like we do see males obviously being very like dominating and penetrating. We do see that, but we do not witness the container. We do not witness the safe container that the masculine is meant to provide.

 It actually communicates us the opposite effect because we actually see these men being extremely rough with the women.  And we can also see women being afraid. We can see fear in the women's eyes when these men are being too rough or even violent at times, because everything is there, unfortunately.

How Porn Addiction Develops

Right? And what happens is when we become addicted to pornography and we have this compulsive need now to seek gratification. Just like any other addiction, the hit will start to subside  if we are still using the same stimulus. 

So let's say if we're watching a certain type of genre with more or less the same theme of whatever's going on. Eventually that gratification is going to subside because we're gonna need a stronger hit, we're gonna need a stronger, um, surge of gratification in order to feel stimulated. And that obviously is how addiction develops to any type of substance or behavior.

Right? Like even alcohol, like when we first, let's say for an alcoholic who needs like five drinks to feel whatever it is they want to feel. Eventually they're gonna need more than five. They're gonna get to 10 drinks, and eventually they're gonna need 15 drinks,  and eventually they're gonna need two bottles, right?

Like that's how addiction starts and develops, and then goes into very, very out of control levels. So it's the same with pornography. If we are starting out porn watching, and it's still not even addiction, but we're obviously so immersed and enticed by what it is we are watching, we're eventually gonna wanna watch more intense, more taboo, and more even disgusting, um, scenes, dynamics because that is the nature of addiction and that's how it works with porn addiction. 

Gary Wilson talks about all of this in his book and in his, uh, Talk, so I can't recommend this talk enough for anybody who's interested about the science of porn addiction. It was the first door that I opened into porn addiction recovery, but there was still a lot of work after that.

Right. Um, I'm, I am an intuitive, I'm highly empathic. I'm also modern day  mystic and alchemist. So for me, my healing journey as far as porn addiction recovery is concerned was a lot more archetypal in nature. A lot more symbolic. So I will be talking more about this. 

Conclusion and Future Episodes

This is, I guess, the introduction episode of what Is To Come. I'll leave it here. I think that is enough food for thought. If you want to connect with me, please leave a comment, uh, down below. Please send me a message on one of the podcast platforms.

If you're watching on YouTube, please hit that like subscribe button. I so greatly appreciate that. If you feel like someone needs to hear this information. Please share the content if you so feel called. I, of course, will be back next week with another episode. Every Thursday a new episode drops. 

I hope you enjoy this episode. It has been a long time coming that I've been wanting to talk about pornography and porn addiction. And I will be saying a lot more in the upcoming episodes. So please stay tuned for those. I will leave it here. I'll be back next week.

Please take care of yourselves. And as always, please remember that you are the medicine and I am just the messenger. Thank you very much.