Who Should Start the Family Wealth Conversation? With Emily Haper & Jessica Gibbs, Monument Wealth

Who goes first when it’s time for “the conversation”? 

Inheritance, legacy, and values transfer are on everyone’s minds, but families keep waiting for the perfect moment, and it rarely comes.

In this episode of Visionary Advisor, Alex Kirby (founder of Total Family) chats with Emily Harper and Jessica Gibbs of Monument Wealth. Together, they tackle the universal anxiety around initiating wealth conversations, the myth of the “right time", and what really holds families (and advisors) back.

The podcast explores why these conversations are so emotionally loaded, what parents and rising gen actually want from each other, and how advisors can move beyond legal documents to foster trust and clarity. They dig into sibling dynamics, the realities of wealth and "spoiling", and the practical ways to lead with curiosity instead of statements. Emily and Jessica share their perspectives from the front lines, including why doing nothing is usually the worst plan and why the advisor’s role is so much bigger than portfolio management.

If you advise families facing a generational transition or are one yourself, this episode will change how you think about timing, trust, and what really builds legacy.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode

• 00:00 Why families hesitate to start money conversations, and the stakes of waiting too long
• 02:28 How visibility of wealth shapes unspoken questions and assumptions in rising gen
• 04:41 The difference between transferring dollars and transferring values
• 06:03 The internal roadblocks parents face: loss of control, mortality, and fear of spoiling
• 08:16 Why intentions and expectations matter more than legal documents for heirs
• 14:44 How money talk overlaps with other “taboo” family topics — and what makes it uniquely hard
• 17:49 Why “doing nothing” rarely helps, and how storytelling can lower the stakes
• 22:31 Practical strategies for advisors when clients resist: making the case, starting small
• 23:41 Navigating sibling dynamics and maintaining family continuity across branches
• 30:50 Why advisor-facilitated continuity matters for multi-generational legacy
• 34:58 Tips for advisors: Start small, leverage values, and use existing tools to deepen family conversations
• 39:02 How families can lead with strengths—not just fix deficiencies—when starting communication journeys

Notable Quotes

“Because this is such an emotional conversation and people put so much weight behind it, they delay having conversations because they want the perfect moment... Those moments might not present themselves.” Emily Harper

“So even if it’s not perfect, you should absolutely be having conversations. They don’t have to be a big major conversation. It can be as simple as you’re all on a beach trip together and you ask mom and dad, hey, I remember X, Y, and Z about growing up when you were running your business.” Emily Harper

“There’s a lot of really important things that need to be talked about along the way that people just don’t know how to have that conversation sometimes. They don’t know how to start.” Emily Harper

“A family is not just just your nuclear family that you started with. There’s a lot of people who start to come on board along the way who have different communication styles, different experiences with money.” Emily Harper

“I think the rising generation is really craving to understand what are your expectations and your intentions when it comes to your estate plan, because... those are the intangible things that are really hard to glean from a legal document.” Jessica Gibbs

“If you are not having these conversations with your kids, they don’t know where they’re going. They’re guessing, they’re coming up with things on the fly based on their own experience or what they’ve seen... and that’s not necessarily a perfect alignment with what you would want.” Jessica Gibbs

“You can’t read someone else’s mind, you know, right? That’s one of the basics of, you know, couples therapy, right? That you can’t guess what someone else is thinking.” Jessica Gibbs

“Bringing in your siblings to the conversation is going to be a challenge, but it’s such an important one to do while everyone is healthy.” Jessica Gibbs

Resources

• Total Family (https://www.totalfamily.io/)
• Monument Wealth (https://monumentwealthmanagement.com/)
• Between Sips Podcast (by Emily Harper & Jessica Gibbs) (https://monumentwealthmanagement.com/resources/podcasts/)

Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.

Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on YouTube

Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn |  Watch episode clips on YouTube

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Because this is such an emotional conversation and people put so much weight behind it and feel like it's so important. They delay having conversations because they want the perfect moment or they want this very well rehearsed. I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. They're waiting for those kinds of moments, and those moments might not present themselves.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Advisors know they need a relationship with the next generation. Most parents want their children to be prepared for wealth and inheritance. Most children have questions they're not asking. When 75% of inheritors have never met their parents' advisor, it's fair to wonder who's supposed to make the first move. Welcome to Visionary Advisor. I'm your host, Alex Kirby, founder of Total Family. Today I'm joined by Emily Harper and Jessica Gibbs of Monument Wealth. We discuss the advisor's role in family communication, how to engage the rising generation without forcing the issue, and practical ways to help families start conversations that too often get delayed. Because if we're waiting for someone else to go first, we may be waiting a very long time. Let's get into it with Jessica and Emily. Jessica Gibbs, Emily Harper from Monument Wealth. Thank you for coming on Visionary Advisor.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Thanks for having us. We're really excited.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

We have an interesting topic today that you both brought. We just, I think it naturally came up in one of our discussions about this idea of who is supposed to go first in the money conversation. The funny thing to me is like money is pretty visible in people's lives. There's obviously people who are not as flashy or or whatever. But when you get to the point where the the kids are teenage, 20s and 30s, you're sort of aware of some differences in your lifestyle. We still hear people talk about like, well, we don't want the kids to know that we're doing well, but clearly they're doing well. They're in a nice house or they're flying private or something like that. So I think there's some realities to this, but you brought up just this idea of the kids initiating the conversation versus the parents initiating the conversation, who's supposed to go first. And I just think there's a ton here. Jessica, do you want to like I feel like it was kind of your angle? So do you want to just set the stage for us?

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Sure, I can do that. I think so much of the legacy planning conversation is focused on like, G1, you've built this wealth. You want to pass it on successfully to future generations. You want to pass on not just wealth, but values. There's so much that's being talked about from that standpoint. But I was thinking about, I'm like, well, what if you are that 2030 something, as you said, you've seen indicators of wealth from your parents, but they're not talking about it. Like, and it just started to put myself in that shoes of how would you bring up the conversation with your parents about their legacy, their plans, their intentions in a way that, you know, doesn't come off like it seems like you are greedy, you know, you're just in it for what am I going to inherit? Like there's there's deeper meanings that I think all of us are looking to have as far as understanding about our family, where we came from, and wealth is a component of that. So if your parents aren't talking about it, I think it's an interesting question of like, how do you start this conversation with them?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Emily, what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Yeah, I mean, uh, we see this all the time where, you know, maybe our practice is a little bit unique in that we're working with a lot of those people who are in their 30s, 40s, who are going to be recipients of this massive wealth transfer. I think you talk about this great transfer of wealth. There are stats, you know, between now and 2048, 124 trillion T trillion dollars will change hands. And we are sitting down with people who have some understanding of, hey, my parents are probably okay. They're going to be able to take care of themselves, but there may also be this, you know, inheritance that we're thinking about down the road that's part of our plan. So there's absolutely awareness there. And a lot of what we hear from the people that we talk about, and I think even if we think about our own selves and our families, the kinds of conversations that we want to have, they're not necessarily about the dollars. They're not about what am I going to be getting one day? It's really wanting to understand those family stories, have a really tightly connected family and have that transfer of not just wealth, but values. We see a lot of this where it's not necessarily just being initiated by the first generation who created the wealth. We're working with a lot of people who, you know, want to have those conversations and they're younger.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

I think we can just work under the assumption that people are coming from a good place. If you're not coming from a good place, this it's probably a different discussion entirely. But I think a lot of the younger generation is coming from a good place. They're not really asking about the dollars. You know, they're not like looking for statements, so to speak. I'm just a fan of the idea that anyone can be a leader in a family, right? Maybe starting with like the silent generation, obviously aptly named. I don't know if the baby boomers are sort of known for being as open as the, and it seems like the generations are getting like more comfortable talking about this stuff. So it would make sense to me that the leadership is going to come from different points in the family. Are you seeing more of these rising gen start this conversation?

SPEAKER_01 6:02

What I'm seeing a lot is rising gen maybe getting curious, but also maybe like the generation one, the parents also getting curious, but feeling these kind of internal roadblocks of what quite to do. Because I think I talk a lot about with clients when they're developing their estate plan, like they don't want to lose control of their wealth. They might have some discomfort with mortality. But I think the biggest one that I see is this desire where they don't want their kids to be spoiled. They don't want them to know this is how much we have because they don't want to ruin their work ethic. And so this idea that wealth transfer is a far-off concept and like we're not quite there yet. That's what I feel like I'm noticing more often. Emily, I'm curious what you think. But this kind of fuzziness of like, I feel like we should be talking about this, but maybe we're not having those really productive conversations yet.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah. And I think it's hard because they just don't know where to start. I think you know, when you're talking about estate planning, like, yes, they know the kind of plumbing that needs to be in place to accomplish their goals of, you know, we want our kids to enjoy this wealth, but we don't want them to be spoiled. We got to have some guardrails here or some parameters about how it's being used. So that's somewhat easy to solve for. But I think the harder thing is how do you even start that conversation of not even talking about the plumbing and the plan and the numbers, but how do you talk about what's important to you, to other people, including your kids or other people in your family? When you think about wealth transfer as being a far-off concept, and yeah, you're maybe putting some things in place to facilitate the logistics of that. There's a lot of really important things that need to be talked about along the way that people just don't know how to have that conversation sometimes. They don't know how to start talking about things as simple as, hey, this is something that's really important to me. And I want to make sure my kids understand that and embody that. A lot of these things are very conceptual. They're not super tangible and easy for people to really know how to go about talking about in a way that isn't awkward.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I think the rising generation is really craving to understand what are your expectations and your intentions when it comes to your state plan, because I think those are the intangible things that are really hard to glean from a legal document. You know, pull up a 50-page trust. I don't think you're really going to get to the heart of what your parents would articulate in their own words. These are my actually. Yeah, there's there's probably a lot of protections built in there. Because I think as a family, many families, like they have this shared values and purpose. It was, it was maybe imbued in you as you were grew up. And you kind of maybe understand where your parents are coming from that from that standpoint. But I think intentions, like, what is it that you want me to use this wealth for? Or, you know, what is it that you value that I do with this wealth can be so helpful as that rising generation is thinking about not only like the time that they have remaining with their parents now and all the experiences that you would want to have, but once they are gone of like, how can I use this money in a way that honors my parents and their legacy?

SPEAKER_02 9:27

You spoke about the spoiled, like, I don't want my kids to be spoiled idea, which I hear also we hear all the time.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

The thing that I think is interesting about that is that if you are a first-gen immigrant living in a two-bedroom apartment in New York City, your kids grew up in a two-bedroom apartment, but you grew up in a one-bedroom apartment, you think they're spoiled. And I think that there's a relative element to the spoiledness that we just sort of, irrespective of wealth, that no one really wants entitled people walking around. Doesn't matter if you are at the $100 million level or the $20 million level or the $0 million level, no one likes that idea. So I don't know if that to me is specific to high net worth, ultra high net worth. Feel free to Jessica push back, disagree, agree.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

I just I think it it does depend on. I think that's a good, good way to think about it, relatively speaking. I think about my own family history, you know, on my dad's side of the family, two generations before, they were a nurse and a 40-year career at the Philadelphia shipyard. And then my dad, you know, college and graduate school, and then now me and my brothers, and then I have my own children. Like I can see how within four generations life has really drastically changed and access and privilege has changed. But I think I can empathize with someone who worked really hard, was self-made, which many of our clients who are in this situation are. What does a million dollars mean? But two, like I can understand why parents would be hesitant about the spoiling aspect just because it is so much money that theoretically a child could interpret it that as, well, I don't really need to try hard. I don't need to work hard. I'm gonna get all this money one day. So I can appreciate that that is a different position from someone that maybe is inheriting a quarter of a million dollars, which is still very substantial.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Do you agree with Emily? Do you think it's a relative like, do you think we all think about this? Or is it just ultra high net worth?

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I don't think it's just ultra high net worth because I do think there are certain levels of wealth where, yeah, you could be set for life and not have to do anything ever again. And a lot of people don't want that to happen to their kids. But I think beyond just this idea of spoiling your kids and having a certain level of wealth that enables you to not have to do a lot of other things in your life for money, what's more universal across all wealth levels is maybe purpose, the purpose and intention for what you want your wealth to be applied to or support in the future when you're no longer there to make those decisions about what happens with your wealth.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah. I know. I wonder about the spoiled, like as you think about, you know, Jessica in your example of that understated wealthy person and worrying that the money is going to impact their kids. You know, I feel like in a lot of ways, they should feel great about the example that they've set, you know, the way that they've lived their life. And the thought that, you know, the kid is going to learn about money and then all of a sudden, like, forget that their parents woke up every single day and worked hard and and were polite and not flashy and all that kind of stuff. Like, I think the way that you live is going to shape so much of how these people process what's happening to them in terms of transfer. And and I'm not suggesting in any way that people tell their kids out of nowhere just the amount of money. So that's kind of, you know, I'm not saying that in any way. The other question that I had was around communication in families in general. Like, are we just talking about we're saying money, but you could also replace it with like sex, politics, any death, any difficult family topic. Like, are families just struggling in general with the difficult topics? Or do you think there's something specific about money that is different than these other really hard topics? I know that is a very tough question to answer. So we're gonna let Emily go first.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Thanks for putting me in the hot seat. I do think that there are a lot of challenges that families face when it comes to communication around all kinds of topics. And every family is different. So I think it's hard to generalize and say families writ large are struggling with the hard topics. Some are very open and how they communicate, others are not. But I think when it comes to money specifically, there's so much wrapped up in money. Money touches so many pieces of your life. It enables a lot of things, but there's also so many expectations around money and what you want that money to do. And I think that's what's hard for people to talk about in families, even very close families. Money is just such a topic that has so many different implications, emotions tied to it. When it comes to money specifically, as a topic that's difficult for families to talk about, one piece around family communication that I think is really interesting is a family is not just your nuclear family that you started with. There's a lot of people who start to come on board along the way, who have different communication styles, different experiences with money. And I think that's one of the things that makes money so hard to talk about in a family when you're thinking about multiple generations. Those generations have like little tentacles that extend in a lot of different ways. And you have a lot of people who might not have had exposure to that initial upbringing that the parents instilled in their kids as they get married and start their own families. There's a lot of different influences that come in along the way. Talking about money in a family across generations, really difficult.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

What do you think, Jessica? I agree.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

I think that was really well said. Yeah, I agree. When you're thinking about money, like I think a lot of how you approach it is probably from the example that was set for you. So if you are that self-made family, you may be navigating these conversations and you you don't have the example of the parent of your parents having had these conversations with you in order for you to know how to approach it with your kids. Whereas I think there's things like politics where people are watching the news all the time and formulating their opinion, and their opinion evolves over time and they're talking about it a lot if you're my family. But, you know, what is it that are my personal values? What is it that are our family values is not something that we are articulating all the time. And so it's just not as at the top of mind or at the tip of the tongue as other topics could be.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Emily, are we in the camp that waiting and doing nothing, not talking about it at all, is the worst move?

SPEAKER_00 17:34

I think it's a pretty bad move.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Like attempting to do it and having it go horribly, figuring it out, that's still better than saying nothing and just letting it all play out. Are are you in that camp?

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Absolutely. Saying nothing, doing nothing is like the worst course of action that you could possibly have because you have no opportunity to influence outcomes or maybe have peace of mind about your situation if you aren't open to talking. But I think because this is such an emotional conversation and people put so much weight behind it and feel like it's so important, they delay having conversations because they want the perfect moment or they want this very well rehearsed. I know exactly how the conversation is gonna go. They're waiting for those kinds of moments and those moments might not present themselves. And that's not a very natural way to have a conversation when you're thinking about these kinds of topics. So even if it's not perfect, you should absolutely be having conversations and they don't have to be a big major conversation. It can be as simple as you're all on a beach trip together and you ask mom and dad, hey, I remember X, Y, and Z about growing up when you were running your business. Like, I'd love to hear more about where you were at that time, what you were thinking, like what your experience was. Like storytelling is such a powerful way to have these kinds of conversations and kind of deliver the messages, the points you want to get across as far as values and what's important without the pressure of this perfect moment.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

We definitely feel like talking about values, leading with your curiosity, genuine curiosity about some of this stuff, in particular like family history or decisions that are made, is a much easier way to start this conversation. Because it's just a step towards a deeper conversation with more substance. And I also think like building it up and making it this big thing might not totally be the best approach. Jessica, if your clients are recommending something that you don't agree with, if they're saying we don't want to tell anyone anything, we're just gonna let this play out. Are you or is the firm is Monument saying we really don't recommend this approach? Because I've I have seen advisors just throw their hands up to this. They're like, look, the client doesn't want to talk about it. So we're, you know, we're just gonna let it play out. And I'm curious how different firms handle that. If a client wants to go in a direction that you maybe know experientially isn't where you would steer them.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yeah, I mean, I I think we would just encourage them to think through the consequences or repercussions of that choice. And I always come back to, you know, there's a phrase I like, you only know if you're going in the right direction if you've thought about the destination. So if you're not having these conversations with your kids, they don't know where they're going. They're they're guessing, they're they're coming up with things on the fly uh uh based on their own experience or or maybe something they're reading or you know, advice they're getting from other people or just what their gut tells them. And that's not necessarily a perfect alignment with what you would want. So I think if you're not talking about this, or similarly, if you're the rising generation and your parents aren't talking about this, like I think just recognizing that, like, look, we're gonna be disconnected in terms of how we use this money and how we align our values, like it's just gonna happen because you can't read someone else's mind. You know, right? That's one of the basics of you know, couples therapy, right? That you can't guess what someone else is thinking. And so that that is maybe how I would approach it if I was talking with a client who really was adamant against thinking about this. But I also think like Emily's point about starting small is a really important one of maybe you've you've done the work with the attorney to develop this big estate plan. Um, and you've listed one of your children as a role in the document. Um, I've had success. Where I've had a joint meeting with parents, child, the attorney, and me. And we just kind of answered child's question about like, hey, you've been put in these roles. Let's make sure you understand it. You feel comfortable. Like that was a way to approach talking about their estate plan and their values and intentions in a way that had zero dollar amounts tied to it. And it was also a way to kind of bring her into the conversation, which for this family, I think felt like a good, you know, first step to then having what will be an evolving conversation, you know, with the whole family.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

Do we feel like, you know, we sort of started by talking about the if if it gets initiated by the child, I feel like the advisors can do a little, a little more nudging, a little more initiating. If it's gone long enough where you haven't talked about it with a client, to me, the advisor, as the expert, as the trusted person to this family, to be able to say, like, you're gonna have this inheritance conversation probably once in your life, or you're you're doing this once. I've done this multiple times, 10 times, a hundred times. We've learned a lot of things. We know that saying nothing and doing nothing is not the path that we'd recommend. And I would just, I'd love to talk to you about that. I mean, to me, in this instance, everyone's kind of sitting around waiting for someone else to take the lead. And so, whether it's the younger person or the advisor, to me, that's a great opportunity for for an advisor to really show their clients how powerful they can be as a partner in this process. Totally agree. Siblings. We haven't really talked about siblings.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Do siblings, how should we weave in the, I don't want to say sibling rivalry. How should we weave in the complications of siblings, like stronger relationship with one parent, different, separate but equal, all this stuff. Like, how should we think about siblings?

SPEAKER_01 23:59

I think it's also like you're geographically spread apart. You're maybe, maybe one person is near mom and dad and the others aren't. So they're seeing something that others aren't, or they're having conversations that the others aren't. Like I think there's a lot that if you're in this rising generation, you're trying to approach like how do I navigate this? Bringing in your siblings to the conversation is going to be a challenge, but it's such an important one to do while everyone is healthy, because we've seen instances where parents start to decline physically or mentally. And that's not the time where you want to be sort of hashing out these conversations with your siblings, let alone try to understand what your parents' wishes are. So starting the conversation early with hey, like, do you know that mom and dad, they've kind of built up, I think, some maybe significant wealth. Have you had any conversations with them? Because I think that's also something that happens is um siblings are maybe seeing different angles of the same picture. So just starting that conversation with your siblings. And unfortunately, you're you're talking right now to two eldest daughters. Um, I will say it's it's often the eldest daughters that need to be the ones who are kind of spearheading this and bringing people together. Because I can appreciate for someone who's an only child that that's probably a lot of responsibility falling on you as far as serving as a power of attorney and executor and dealing with their tangible assets after they pass away, can appreciate that that's a very challenging position to be in. But I can also appreciate that it is also a challenging position to navigate aging parents and also sibling dynamics at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

You jokingly said sibling rivalry. And I mean, in some families, that's the reality. The siblings don't always all get along perfectly. And there might be some, you know, different relationships. But I think these kinds of conversations, especially if you approach it from a storytelling perspective or just the curiosity lens. I think if you have a conversation with your siblings, like, you know, are there stories about, you know, mom and dad that you want to know about? Or are there things about like how mom and dad got to where they are that like we don't know. We haven't talked to mom and dad about this. We don't know X, Y, or Z about our family. Like, what do we wish we knew? Like that's a good opportunity, very low stakes for siblings to collaborate on equal footing around what are the things we wish we knew about our family that we don't. And, you know, have some alignment there, some opportunity for everyone to participate and be engaged in having a conversation with mom and dad about we really wish we knew this. Tell us about your business. Tell us about growing up with grandma and grandpa. Like what just tell, tell us something. Tell us about how your career started. You know. I I think that's a great opportunity for siblings who maybe don't have the closest relationship to all get involved in the conversation and start those kinds of conversations that can translate into the bigger conversations around, okay, what are the roles, the responsibilities, the intent that we're trying to step into in the future. So it doesn't have to start from a place of wealth or money. It can start from these things that maybe wealth and money touch or influence or impact, but just an opportunity to create those connections and that closeness in the family.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

I think that continuity is something that is underrated in terms of like when I think about why Total Family wants these advisors to keep the assets, our partner firms to keep the assets. I always come back to continuity. And to me, worst case scenario is parents, three kids, four different financial advisors, four different estate attorneys, four different people giving them advice. That's not continuity at all. It doesn't allow the family to pool their assets and resources and think about all this kind of stuff collectively. I'm not talking about people knowing each other's financial situations. I think firms have largely solved that, right? Like if you do business with the same firm as your parents, that doesn't mean that they get access to all of your private information, right? But I do wonder this is almost an interesting time to test some of this stuff. Because whether your siblings have different advisors, and I I would not want if I was a financial advisor, I would not want to compete against the two of you. Because I think you start to see in these when you bring people in, you start to see if these advisors are are looking out for themselves or if they're looking out for the family. And you can tell this very fast by how people start behaving, how protective they get, how collaborative they are, who they want in the meetings. And to me, this is an opportunity to, you know, if your siblings are working with other financial advisors and all this kind of stuff, this is an opportunity to really see who's looking out and understands this family on a different level and to do it not under duress, as you're saying. Like, not do it when someone's health, something just happened, or or we have time constraints, or or we have whatever. But to me, I think this is it would be a nice way to engage with your siblings and just ask them questions of like, I don't even know if you have a financial advisor. If you don't, like we have this amazing firm that we've been using, you could talk to them if you wanted to, and or whatever. To me, it it's like the worst case scenario is situation under duress, seven different financial advisors all trying to keep assets and give people advice that is truly in their interest, as opposed to the the family's interests. There really wasn't a question there. I was just like, I just I think like this idea of pooling assets to me is very interesting because a family office is like you know, single, super wealthy family. We get that. But any normal family that is affluent could approach a firm on a united front and say, like, we want all of our stuff to be separate. We just figured if we're gonna do estate planning, we all might as well like work off the same sheet of music. And if we're gonna do this, and and I think a lot of firms would love, you know, would love that approach.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Yeah. And I mean, I we've seen that to some degree in some particular situations. So I think you're spot on, Alex, that there are families who are very well aligned who do talk about these things who say you should talk to this group that I'm working with and and have a conversation because you hit the nail on the head there with continuity. Like we already know so much about the families that we're working with. We don't know every single little piece of personal details about each branch of the family, but we know a lot. We know a lot of the origins of the wealth. We know a lot about what's important to the different families within a larger family unit.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

So that does often lead to a better experience, a better informed experience. And I think does really give people that sense, like, hey, our family is really aligned and connected on these things, even though we have our own personal things going on. There's still this kind of North Star and an advisor who really understands all it is that we're trying to achieve individually and together.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

Yeah. We feel like firms like Monument and advisors like the two of you are sometimes we call them the keepers of legacy. Going to your siblings and saying these people manage our money is a lot different than saying this firm understands the legacy of our family. To me, that is a much broader thing that you're saying, though. It's like they took the time to understand the people, the why, the purpose, all of this stuff. They still manage our money for sure, but they have this deeper understanding of us that we would love to have continued on. That to me is a is a much different kind of way to introduce your siblings to a firm or to your parents or to have these conversations. Because assuming that the firm does understand the legacy of the family, that's like I feel like you do. Why would you want to lose that if you were a family? If you think some of these other things are maybe slightly commoditized, it's like, well, we're gonna go with monument. They've been helping us for so long and they understand all these things and they've they know the why and and they've helped us through this and this and this. I think that's really powerful. Now it's on firms like Monument to institutionalize it a little bit. Because it can't just be Jessica, it has to be the firm. But I feel like you're doing a really good job with that.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Well, that's where I feel like it's been helpful to have total family to be that structure that everyone on the advisory team can plug into. So whereas we really do pride ourselves on having very customized and personalized conversations with our clients, really speak to them and their family and their values. This is kind of that backbone that we can use that is in a way making sure that everyone is kind of working from the same framework when they have these conversations with a client.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Yeah, and that's why we we have the you can enroll anyone you want under the banner of monument. And so we're seeing more firms going back to that sibling thing for a second. It's like, yeah, if you want to do your values, Jessica can just enroll you. You don't have to like be their client. You know, to me, it's about putting the family first. At least how that's how we think about that deliverable. It's like, we'll worry about the money down the road, so to speak. Like, let's help some of these people get aligned. And then to me, the firms that do that are just gonna win in the long term. And so I appreciate you saying that and and uh trusting us with with some of these conversations too. What should we tell like, should we give advisors a tip to close this out or like the advisors that are maybe struggling with this conversation or they're like, oh, the estate people do that? The estate, it's not really my lane. What would the two of you say to advisors, maybe ones who are who are reticent about doing it, and then then maybe to an advisor who wants to do it, but they don't really know how to start. What would you say to those people, Emily?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I would say, I mean, similar to the advice we would give to younger people trying to talk to their parents about their wealth, you don't have to start with the perfect process, or you can start small. You don't have to have it all figured out. Jessica already tooted your horn a little bit, Alex, but I'll do it again because you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Yeah, you can keep it down.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

I mean, I think I do think Total Family makes it so incredibly easy to insert legacy into your practice in so many different ways. There's a lot of different places where it can fit in. And you don't have to have it all figured out to get started. Just get started. There's plenty of resources, plenty of tools, and you'll kind of figure out along the way as you get your hands dirty how you can more easily have these kinds of conversations with clients. It's such a value add and it's so easy. There's no reason not to do it.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

Your answers start small.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Commit to taking a bite and figuring it out from there.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

I would add on to that when you're using the Total Family tool, that even with long-term clients, I found it very interesting that particularly the sort of five values that people would come up with. I felt like I kind of unlocked like a whole new level of knowing them just by seeing those five words. There were things that maybe that like maybe kind of I was familiar with or was circling with through my years of working with them and developing their financial plan. But something about it, it kind of brought into focus of, okay, wow, you articulate this out of all these words. This is one of the five most important words to you. And we haven't really dug into that or we haven't like brought that forward as a priority of like what you're using your money for. So it was just like a good way for me to open the door to just a deeper understanding of the client. And I just found that actually really valuable.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

Thank you both for saying that. I think values is by far the easiest understood element of total family. Like people, it's like you just select five, people get it. You don't have to versus purpose, I think is a little more conceptual, it's sometimes harder for people to get, but values people really understand. Values is a way to start small, and it's a way to build common language in a family because now we all have our defined values. None of the words are bad. This can help us understand each other and elevate our communication a little bit as we go and try to maybe have some more difficult conversations, sort of like building muscle memory, preparing for the conversation a little bit and taking the time to get to know each other is really important for any team or any group of people that it's going to embark on something really, really challenging. So I love values and I love starting small. And I'll add that we observe families have different strengths. Some families are very naturally good at this thing, or they naturally gravitate towards movies or something. And I think the tendency of a lot of families is to focus on their deficiencies instead of their strengths. Whatever comes natural to families, the easiest thing for them to do, that is often going to be the easiest place for them to start their like communication journey. And I think about whatever, like a seven-foot basketball player who can easily just dunk the ball, just sitting there being like, I'm really bad at threes, you know, I can't shoot long range. It's you know, and I'm just and it's like, no, just go in and dunk the ball. It's gonna be way more fun for everyone. So if if that's easier for a family, don't start with the stuff that feels hard to everyone, right? Like start with the stuff that feels a little bit easier to people. And I don't know why that's the case with families, but almost all the time if we're doing like a five capitals exercise or something, they'll be like, we're not good at this, and we need to spend all of our time over here working on this. And it's like, no, no, you're like best in the world over here at this thing, so that's gonna get us through a lot of a lot of stuff, and we can still like work on the other things over there. But I think those are two the values idea and starting small. I think those are really great pieces of advice for everyone. I want to give you a chance to plug your own podcast.

SPEAKER_01 39:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Between two sips.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Between sips. So Emily and I, we do between sips together. They're about 20, 25 minute conversations every other week where really we're taking the questions that we are hearing from our clients and talking about them, both the simple answer and also the nuance and kind of our opinions, our hot takes on them. And we really want it to feel like a conversation with friends over coffee or tea, occasionally wine. Um so it's meant to be very approachable for people to listen to and identify, yeah, I've had that question. What should I be thinking about? Because I think the hardest part when you're facing any sort of challenge is just knowing what questions should I ask? Where should I start? So this is hopefully a way for people to know where to start.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Yeah, I listened to the, I think I told you one of your recent episodes about talking about wealth with your children. I think it's just helpful for people to hear that stuff. And you both have such a nice, caring, empathetic way of approaching these conversations where you're not saying like this is the only way, or we're we know everything about this topic. It's you're you're approaching it just in a way that is very relatable for people. So please listen in between sips. Jessica and Emily, thank you so much for your time.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

Thank you, Alex. Thank you so much, Alex. Really appreciate it. This was fun.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

That's it for Visionary Advisor. Thank you to our guests and to Total Family, whose software is helping advisors do legacy better. If you're a fan of Visionary Advisor, please subscribe and share it with another top notch wealth advisor like yourself. And we'll see you next time.