Foster Youth EP 8 - Supporting Foster Youth Through Trauma and Transition

In this episode of Fostering Futures with CAHELP, Athena Cordero sits down with Mark Todhunter, Behavioral Health Counselor Supervisor at Desert Mountain Children’s Center, to explore the mental health realities of foster youth.

Mark shares his decades of experience working with children in foster care, offering powerful insight into how removal, placement changes, and ongoing uncertainty deeply impact a child’s identity, sense of safety, and ability to form connections. He explains how foster youth often experience both trauma and ongoing grief and loss losing not only their families, but also their homes, schools, routines, and sense of belonging.

The conversation dives into how these experiences show up as behavioral and emotional challenges, and why those behaviors are often forms of communication rather than defiance. Mark also emphasizes the critical role of consistent, caring adults in helping foster youth begin to rebuild trust, develop coping skills, and form healthy attachments over time.

This episode highlights the importance of patience, consistency, and understanding for foster parents and caregivers, while offering a new perspective on what it truly takes to support the mental health and long-term success of children in foster care.

Highlights

• Mark explains how removal from home impacts identity, stability, and belonging.
• Insight into grief and loss as ongoing experiences for foster youth.
• How trauma shows up as behavioral and emotional responses.
• Overview of mental health supports, including counseling and behavioral services.
• The importance of consistent, caring adults in a child’s life.
• Real perspective on what foster parenting requires beyond good intentions.

Key Takeaways

• Foster youth experience trauma, grief, and loss simultaneously and continuously.
• Behaviors are often communication, not defiance.
• Identity and belonging are major challenges for children in foster care.
• Consistency from adults is critical to developing trust and attachment.
• Foster parenting requires new skills, patience, and emotional regulation.
• Even short-term placements can create lasting, positive impact.

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Transcript

00:00:10 Intro 

The relentless pursuit of whatever works in the life of a child. Welcome to Fostering Futures with CAHELP, a podcast dedicated to our relentless pursuit of whatever works in the life of a child. 

00:00:27 Intro 

I'm your host, Athena Cordero, inviting you to join me and countless others as we share our unique perspectives and expertise in the world of special education, behavioral health, social-emotional well-being, and community. Follow us on Buzzsprout, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. 

00:00:46 Athena Cordero 

Welcome everyone to Fostering Futures. I'm Athena Cordero, and today I get to talk to Mark Todhunter. And we're going to continue the discussion on our Foster series, but today we're going to talk a little bit more about mental health. So welcome, Mark. Thanks for being with us. 

00:01:02 Mark Todhunter 

Well, thank you, Athena. I was glad to be here. 

00:01:05 Athena Cordero 

Good. So 

00:01:06 Athena Cordero 

Of course, let's first just start off, let's tell everybody a little bit about you, okay? So why don't you tell us what your role is here with CAHELP and what you get to do with the Desert Mountain Children's Center. 

00:01:17 Mark Todhunter 

Well, my role here currently with Desert Mountain Children's Center, I'm behavioral health counselor supervisor. And so basically what that means is, you know, I work with staff, clinicians mainly. I supervise interns and licensed folks. And 

00:01:36 Mark Todhunter 

and kind of as we carry caseloads and impact children. And I've been with CAHELP and it's changed its names over the year, but been here going on 24 years. And so I started with... 

00:01:52 Athena Cordero 

You've seen it quite a bit. 

00:01:54 Mark Todhunter 

I've seen a lot of bit, quite a bit, yes, a lot of bit. A lot of bit and quite a bit, yeah. 

00:02:00 Mark Todhunter 

And before that, I cut my teeth into, so I've been working with kids probably for about 35 years, and I cut my teeth getting into my career and work with foster children. I worked with a foster family agency as a social worker when I first started out, moved up, supervisor. I was a director for Child Help USA over their foster care programs. 

00:02:25 Mark Todhunter 

for about four years here in Southern California and in Tennessee. And so after that, I came over here and started working with children here at the Desert Mountain Children's Center. 

00:02:40 Athena Cordero 

Okay, so it sounds like you've seen maybe some trends, some patterns, things change over the years. 

00:02:50 Athena Cordero 

to where we are today. And I think that is the perfect place for us to pick up our discussion and what we're going to get into today. So I kind of want to go back to what one of our other guests spoke about. She mentioned how identity is affected for our foster youth. And so what do you think? How does foster care impact a young person's sense of identity? 

00:03:18 Mark Todhunter 

I think one of the biggest things 

00:03:21 Mark Todhunter 

that impact foster youth, their children in general, that have a lot of changes. when you think about a child that gets removed from a home, right? So they've lost everything. They've lost their familiarity with their home. They've lost their primary caregivers, even as chaotic as it may be in the home. 

00:03:47 Mark Todhunter 

is still a loss for them. If they're school age, they get pulled out of their school, the familiarity with that, they lose their friends, they lose their pets, and they lose most of their clothes and their belongings, and they usually leave a home, unfortunately, with a trash bag with clothes that they can grab on their way out. And one of the things that, if you could only imagine, if we're here at work, 

00:04:16 Mark Todhunter 

and somebody shows up and they say, you're coming with us. And you don't know where you're going. You don't know who you're going to be with. You don't really have any control. You're just going and you know that the people that supported you now are involved with law enforcement and you're driving away with almost nothing. 

00:04:39 Mark Todhunter 

You've lost all your friends at work, you can't talk to your family, your extended family, and you go into a strange home where you don't know the people that are there. You may not even recognize anything that they do, and the house may seem so strange. And here you are, people that are wanting to care for you, but inside internally, all those changes are impacting you in a way that 

00:05:07 Mark Todhunter 

you just don't have the capacity mentally to understand really what's going on. 

00:05:13 Athena Cordero 

It's so I haven't heard anybody describe it quite like that before. And I appreciate the example because I'm hearing that it impacts the identity of, you know, a child, but it sounds like a grief and loss process that I don't think we really tapped into. 

00:05:32 Athena Cordero 

that much in our conversations before. But that is what it sounds like. And from what I know, what little I know about grief and loss, there are stages to that. So trying to get accustomed to a new home, even when someone wants to do something nice for you, has to be difficult, compounded by all of those things. 

00:05:52 Mark Todhunter 

Well, if you look at both sides of the coin, right, absolutely. There's grief and loss, just being removed 

00:06:00 Mark Todhunter 

alone is traumatic for a kid. Now there's trauma, just what I described as trauma. It would be traumatic for any of us to be able to go into those situations. And when you go in, you don't know if and when you're going back or if you're going to be able to see your parents or how often you're going to see your parents. You get put into a new school, different school, new kids, new teacher, new routine. 

00:06:28 Mark Todhunter 

and you're just trying to make the adjustments and get your feet underneath you and not knowing where you were, where your identity was back in your previous home and now everything's changing, right? So you deal with just who am I? Where do I belong? 

00:06:51 Mark Todhunter 

and then you're dealing with labels like foster kid and I'm A dependent and now I'm high risk. what does that mean? Kid goes into school, now I'm high risk. You get tested for an IEP. Yeah. Trauma impact. And also what you brought up is a grief and loss. So, right. So that is an ongoing thing that they're going through with grief and loss. It's a continuous process. 

00:07:20 Mark Todhunter 

of being able to not ever knowing what's going on. There's no finality to it, especially initially. And then if kids have been in the system for years, right, it's just never really able to get a footing on what healing is and what changes and where do I belong. 

00:07:41 Athena Cordero 

That's heavy. I imagine it 

00:07:45 Athena Cordero 

affects their sense of safety and stability, especially you mentioned the IEP process, right? Which is an individual education plan. Is that an automatic thing for a kid that's put in foster care that they have to now go through this process to be assessed for an IEP? Or what does that look like? 

00:08:07 Mark Todhunter 

No, it's not typically an automatic thing. Oftentimes, though, you know, kids are 

00:08:14 Mark Todhunter 

there's so much disruption going on in their life and internally, there'll be behavioral issues, there'll be emotional issues. And sometimes when kids are having a hard time adjusting or being able to regulate themselves as they get identified in the school system and will oftentimes be recommended for an IEP, an individual education plan, to be able to put in 

00:08:43 Mark Todhunter 

helps and interventions to be able to help stabilize that kid so they can take advantage of whatever's, their schooling and being able to get ahead educationally. 

00:08:54 Athena Cordero 

I asked because in a different conversation, someone asked me, what if a foster family, takes in a kiddo that needs special education services, but they've never been tested? 

00:09:08 Athena Cordero 

And they realize, in this whole new situation that maybe this child does need some support. What is that? does that, push that sense of safety or stability even further for a kid? Because now it feels like you're telling me I have a problem. 

00:09:25 Athena Cordero 

but it's only because I'm here with you, right? 

00:09:28 Mark Todhunter 

Yeah, and it comes back well, and it comes back to what you were just asking about with identity is now they're having, kids dealing with these new labels and what's going on and who am I? And am I worthy? Am I worthy of love? Why are people not working hard to get me back with my family? You know, and the kid, and even if they are, the kid doesn't understand that he's not, 

00:09:51 Mark Todhunter 

why he's not going back and doesn't oftentimes know what's happening on the other side through the court systems with who their original caregivers are. And so for a kid, we talk about, oftentimes we talk about a kid feeling grounded, especially emotionally, right? And that really refers to, 

00:10:13 Mark Todhunter 

maybe a kid or an individual that feels like, okay, this is my place. This is who I am. This is, I have kind of some sense of control of my environment, right? That's what we would, you know, kind of identify as being grounded. Okay. Well, but for a kid that's going through these changes and where do I belong and how do I fit in and. 

00:10:33 Mark Todhunter 

what is the new rules, what are the unspoken rules is that they're floating through space, right? They're this kind of moving through and they really don't understand where to grab on, where to hang on, where to land. And so oftentimes that comes out as behavioral issues, emotional issues, tantrums, meltdowns, and then being able to 

00:10:58 Mark Todhunter 

control that and not really having the skills or the vocabulary to be able to communicate in a different way other than behavior or emotional outbursts. 

00:11:11 Athena Cordero 

So, I mean, I would imagine with all you just described for a kiddo, it would be completely natural to have some behavioral things pop up, right? Differences in mood, attitude, personality, even, which 

00:11:26 Athena Cordero 

Usually your mood and your attitude are temporary. Your personality is more set in stone. But I could imagine that all of that, even talking about grief and loss affects you in a way that you don't act like, you know, quote unquote yourself. When that happens, when the adults around this child notice that, what are some of the services or supports maybe, you know, behaviorally that might get put into place? Like say, I'm now withdrawn and I used to be 

00:11:56 Athena Cordero 

more talkative and outgoing. And now my foster parents are seeing that I'm not speaking at all. And they question, a social worker, like, she doesn't talk. What happens next? Like, what would somebody come to me and suggest or try to support me with? 

00:12:14 Mark Todhunter 

Well, and a lot of times, I mean, the social workers do the best they can. So oftentimes the county worker comes and they're managing placements and moving kids and trying to find safe places for kids, right? That's 

00:12:26 Mark Todhunter 

That's the goal. Not always interpreted that way by the child. So that's the original kind of intervention that happens when a child is removed from a home. And then from there, they're typically being assessed. They get referred. So what we do here at Desert Mountain Children's Center is we have clinicians that go into the schools. Kids will get referred for our services. We'll do assessments. 

00:12:51 Mark Todhunter 

And then we'll provide counseling interventions for them on a regular basis. It could be once a week. It could be more if needed. It could be twice a month. It could be once a month if we just need to kind of touch in and see how they're doing. There's also other kind of auxiliary type services around like ABA therapy, which is applied behavioral analysis, where you come in and you have social workers or interventionists 

00:13:21 Mark Todhunter 

that come in and work with the child, work with the family, and try to help develop skills for that child to be able to cope. 

00:13:28 Athena Cordero 

Gotcha. 

00:13:30 Mark Todhunter 

Is that kind of what you're asking? 

00:13:32 Athena Cordero 

It is. It is because what I'm hearing and how you're describing it, I'm, you know, I'm just thinking about all the other things that can come about that we don't typically think about, you know, just that might seem small. 

00:13:45 Athena Cordero 

to foster parent or social worker, but it's actually a huge difference in a kid's personality, or their mood because of what's going on. But it is good to know that there are services available and that we've got clinicians who are spending time with our foster kiddos to kind of identify some of those things and offer them some supports. 

00:14:05 Mark Todhunter 

Absolutely. 

00:14:05 Athena Cordero 

So let's talk more about, you know, the role of adults with our foster kids. What 

00:14:13 Athena Cordero 

What's the importance of that? How deep does that go? Or what's the effect or the impact? What role do consistent, caring adults play in supporting the mental health? Even outside of what you were mentioning, right? I mean, that was a very structured kind of process, assessment, counseling. But outside of that, even, just adults around the kiddo, how does that impact? 

00:14:36 Mark Todhunter 

I think one of the things over the years that I've noticed with foster parents is that 

00:14:42 Mark Todhunter 

It's a process for them even getting into foster care. And when I was working with the foster family agencies and working with couples or singles that were coming in and wanting to be foster parents, right? Because they wanted to make a difference. They wanted to really insert themselves and do some of that heavy lifting. A lot of times not really fully understanding what that means. 

00:15:10 Mark Todhunter 

or what they're sometimes getting into. And so as they go through the training process and they begin to realize, okay, this is a special and unique position that I'm signing up for to impact a child. I think the biggest thing that can happen that's gonna have the most impact is if, just kind of like what we were talking about now, is if the parents begin to understand what the foster child is going through. 

00:15:40 Mark Todhunter 

This is a different situation. This is not like raising your own kids, because your own kids haven't gone through, hopefully, through the trauma of what a foster child goes through and the whole process, but really being understood. 

00:15:55 Mark Todhunter 

able to understand that and continue to learn different skills. It's a different, taking parenting classes or different type of clinics that will help you understand what the child is going through so that you can change your own style. It's a different type of parenting and it requires a different type of skill. 

00:16:17 Athena Cordero 

Yeah. 

00:16:18 Mark Todhunter 

One of the things that really impacts it for caring adults is one of the biggest things is just consistency. 

00:16:26 Athena Cordero 

Okay. 

00:16:26 Mark Todhunter 

There's so much change that's happening for this child anyway, and they don't, they begin to lose their trust. They begin to understand in their own life that this person may say they care about me, but they're not gonna be around any longer than the last two. 

00:16:48 Mark Todhunter 

social workers or the last two foster parents. And so then as children get more into, they're in foster care for longer periods of time. And if they happen to have several moves, different placements, and it becomes to the point where they just 

00:17:14 Mark Todhunter 

emotionally are unable to attach. It's kind of like having a piece of masking tape. You take a piece of masking tape and you put it on your jeans one time and it sticks pretty good. You pull it off of there and then you take it and you put it on your jeans again. It doesn't quite stick as well. It may hang on a little bit, but by the 3rd and 4th time, 

00:17:33 Mark Todhunter 

The masking tape is like, I've already, I've already done this. I've already had my trauma and I'm just not gonna put myself out there. And so when a truly ideal foster parent understands that and understands that this kid may already not trust enough to be able to attach, they've been hurt so much because of loss and grief, it just is gonna take time. 

00:18:04 Athena Cordero 

I can see very clearly how that would make a difference, just being consistent. But can you give me some examples? I mean, I could tell somebody, just be consistent, but what does that really mean? What does that really look like? Because I'm imagining, you know, a kiddo coming home from school and I always ask, 

00:18:24 Athena Cordero 

what was the best part of your day or what happened or what was the worst part, like a high and a low all the time. talk to me about it. I could imagine having some kind of, ritual thing, in the morning that we do before I send them off. But is that what you mean by consistent or what, or is it deeper than that? 

00:18:43 Mark Todhunter 

I think it really is about who you are as a foster parent. And 

00:18:50 Mark Todhunter 

I think one of the most important areas to be consistent is your demeanor. 

00:18:56 Athena Cordero 

Okay. 

00:18:57 Mark Todhunter 

You know, it's like, you have to understand, when you understand what a child is going through and when you understand that behavior and outbursts are really about a form of communication that this kid is just kind of purging out from deep inside him sometimes and doesn't able to express himself is when 

00:19:19 Mark Todhunter 

As parents, you react to that and you get angry or you get mad or you get scolded and you don't have the skills. You haven't learned the skills to be able to kind of take the time and be able to help contain that energy. This kid is like, he's been in four or five different homes and he's mad at the world and he's mad at himself and he doesn't know who he is and he doesn't know where he belongs. And yes, you say I love you and I care about you all the time. 

00:19:49 Mark Todhunter 

But when I act out, you may throw out a threat like, if you keep doing that, then you're going to be, I'm going to call your social worker or you're going to be moved. A kid is never going to connect. And so it's really about, I think the starting point is like, what we talked a little bit about earlier is really understanding 

00:20:11 Mark Todhunter 

what these kids have been through, and then being able to be a big enough container to be able to hold that energy that's going to come in and not be reactive, not blame the kid. 

00:20:22 Mark Todhunter 

And then consistent with discipline and, being able to, hey, this is how we run things, just like we do with our own kids, right? 

00:20:33 Mark Todhunter 

Here's your, 

00:20:35 Mark Todhunter 

having them have some responsibility when you're able to complete your, get your room clean, then you can be on your phone, or then you can play your video game for so much time. 

00:20:45 Mark Todhunter 

When you get your homework done, right, just sitting down and being with them and supporting them with their homework, helping them to understand those kind of things. 

00:20:54 Mark Todhunter 

It's really kind of a precarious position that foster parents are in, right? 

00:21:02 Mark Todhunter 

It's not like your own kids because you can't send your own kids a 14-day notice. 

00:21:09 Mark Todhunter 

You know you have to work through the hard times. 

00:21:11 Mark Todhunter 

And when you go in with an attitude of I'm going to work through the hard times with this child that's been placed in my home and I'm going to work at trying to be able to be a stable environment. 

00:21:23 Mark Todhunter 

And for that child, he's going to test that environment, depending on what his background is, he's going to test that 

00:21:30 Mark Todhunter 

environment for a long time to see if you really do love, if you really do care for me, if you're not just doing it for the money. 

00:21:37 Athena Cordero 

Okay, so you just know that. 

00:21:39 Athena Cordero 

You just said something right now that I've been really wanting to ask and I didn't know how. 

00:21:45 Athena Cordero 

So I'm just going to spit it out the best way I can. 

00:21:47 Mark Todhunter 

Okay, bring it. 

00:21:47 Athena Cordero 

All right. 

00:21:48 Athena Cordero 

You just said, because they're going to test whether you really do love, but then you stopped yourself and said, really do care. 

00:21:56 Athena Cordero 

And I think when you're saying, 

00:21:58 Athena Cordero 

being a foster parent is different than being a parent. 

00:22:01 Athena Cordero 

Someone can think that they're a pretty good parent to their own kids, but of course you've had the time and the natural inclination to love, love and give your life even, right, for your own kids. 

00:22:16 Athena Cordero 

And I'm just going to say it out loud that that's not probably how you're going to go into being a foster parent. 

00:22:22 Athena Cordero 

You might feel like you want to be that person, 

00:22:25 Athena Cordero 

But that's not realistic, right? 

00:22:27 Athena Cordero 

You're going into it to do good, but that doesn't come with the territory. 

00:22:32 Athena Cordero 

What's that natural love you have for your own kids? 

00:22:36 Athena Cordero 

Does that just start from jump as a foster parent? 

00:22:40 Mark Todhunter 

No, but I think that, I mean, a lot of times foster parents, right, they're really getting into it because of altruistic things that, you know, in their own heart. 

00:22:50 Mark Todhunter 

I really want to give. 

00:22:51 Mark Todhunter 

I really want to 

00:22:53 Mark Todhunter 

make a difference. 

00:22:54 Athena Cordero 

Right. 

00:22:55 Mark Todhunter 

And they're heroes to me, right? 

00:22:58 Mark Todhunter 

And I love foster parents that get into it and they're like, this is it. 

00:23:02 Mark Todhunter 

And then it gets in, and I think the reality sets in is this is a different type of parenting. 

00:23:06 Mark Todhunter 

Yeah. 

00:23:07 Mark Todhunter 

This is a different, they have different histories, they have different backgrounds. 

00:23:11 Mark Todhunter 

And so that's why I say it's like, it's just like our job, right? 

00:23:16 Mark Todhunter 

So we're at our job, and then when we change and we go to, let's say we take on a new role in our jobs. 

00:23:23 Mark Todhunter 

what do we get? 

00:23:24 Mark Todhunter 

We get training. 

00:23:25 Mark Todhunter 

We learn different skills to be able then to apply to our new job that's tougher than our previous job, but typically, somewhat the same, but we rise to the occasion, we rise our skill level. 

00:23:38 Mark Todhunter 

And it's the same thing with foster kids. 

00:23:40 Mark Todhunter 

It's just not about, ooh, I have enough love, right? 

00:23:43 Mark Todhunter 

Your love is gonna show up with how you continue to grow in that position. 

00:23:49 Mark Todhunter 

And the kids are gonna benefit. 

00:23:52 Mark Todhunter 

And 

00:23:54 Mark Todhunter 

the kids are going to know that as you're working hard, as opposed to you just have kids coming in and you think they should fit into a mold like your kids. 

00:24:04 Mark Todhunter 

I've raised three kids. 

00:24:05 Mark Todhunter 

I know how this goes. 

00:24:07 Mark Todhunter 

Just understand it's not the same. 

00:24:10 Mark Todhunter 

And being able to work hard at it and be really good at it. 

00:24:16 Athena Cordero 

I ask that because 

00:24:19 Athena Cordero 

I think it's a realistic thought to have. 

00:24:21 Athena Cordero 

I think kids absolutely know when they're being, they're smart, right? 

00:24:27 Athena Cordero 

I think they can pick up on those things. 

00:24:30 Athena Cordero 

I think they're very observant and they remember. 

00:24:33 Athena Cordero 

They remember the things that they do and what kind of reaction it gets and the response that it gets. 

00:24:38 Athena Cordero 

So I like the way 

00:24:40 Athena Cordero 

I like the way from my thought process, how you're explaining that, to be realistic about it. 

00:24:45 Athena Cordero 

Of course, a parent is probably going to feel naturally different about their children that they birthed than a new child coming into their home, but that doesn't mean that there's not a loving care for the circumstance, for what they want to help with, for what the child's been through. 

00:25:02 Athena Cordero 

That can be there. 

00:25:03 Athena Cordero 

And I think the 

00:25:04 Athena Cordero 

what you're saying is the consistent part is not necessarily just saying that, oh, I love you, know, I care about you, but how you behave to show that is how you can make a kid understand that you're really coming from a loving place. 

00:25:19 Athena Cordero 

And they don't have to compare themselves to your kids, or if you even have kids, you know, or your family. 

00:25:25 Athena Cordero 

It's what they see being given to them and how you respond when they have these behaviors. 

00:25:30 Athena Cordero 

I think that's a great way to look at it for anybody who's thinking about becoming a 

00:25:34 Athena Cordero 

foster parent. 

00:25:36 Athena Cordero 

And if there's any kids, who are hearing the way you're describing, I think that's helpful as well. 

00:25:42 Mark Todhunter 

Well, and we talked a little bit about consistency and, it'd be great if a child got placed into a foster home and they spent their whole tenure in foster care in one home. 

00:25:57 Mark Todhunter 

That'd be perfect. 

00:25:58 Mark Todhunter 

It doesn't always happen that way. 

00:25:59 Mark Todhunter 

It's seldom happens that way for various reasons. 

00:26:03 Mark Todhunter 

Sometimes it's the home, sometimes it's the court systems. 

00:26:06 Mark Todhunter 

Sometimes they want to reunify siblings. 

00:26:09 Mark Todhunter 

So they'll pull siblings and put them all together in another home. 

00:26:14 Mark Todhunter 

So there's a lot of different motivations. 

00:26:16 Mark Todhunter 

So I always tell parents, you know, and it's heartbreaking for the parents, right? 

00:26:20 Mark Todhunter 

They've invested, you know, and they truly love this child. 

00:26:26 Mark Todhunter 

They've spent time with them. 

00:26:28 Mark Todhunter 

They've like been an advocate for them. 

00:26:31 Mark Todhunter 

They've really, 

00:26:33 Mark Todhunter 

and they may have been in the home for a long time, and there's grown an attachment, and then there's a grieving on them when they leave. 

00:26:42 Mark Todhunter 

Yeah. 

00:26:43 Mark Todhunter 

And so I often tell parents, I says, you're just a link in the chain of what's gonna impact this child. 

00:26:50 Mark Todhunter 

And so you have a lot of opportunities to take advantage of the time that they are in your home by, one, modeling an adult that is able to 

00:27:01 Mark Todhunter 

control their own emotions and control their own behavior, right? 

00:27:05 Mark Todhunter 

Also, foster kids come in and they are able to look at your family and hopefully get a good picture of what a functional family looks like. 

00:27:15 Mark Todhunter 

Because most of these kids don't come from functional families and systems 

00:27:23 Mark Todhunter 

or they would probably be still in their home. 

00:27:26 Mark Todhunter 

And they get pulled out. 

00:27:27 Mark Todhunter 

And so they get a chance to experience that for a period of time. 

00:27:33 Mark Todhunter 

And they may never, ever see that in another arena, except for like they grow up to be an adult. 

00:27:41 Mark Todhunter 

And like, oh, I remember when I was in Jane and Martin's home and how well it ran and how we just 

00:27:50 Mark Todhunter 

It was a calm environment. 

00:27:52 Mark Todhunter 

And kids remember, right? 

00:27:55 Mark Todhunter 

We have our core memories as children, and they take that and they go, that's how I want to run my family. 

00:28:01 Mark Todhunter 

Instead of repeating kind of what a family of origin may have provided for them, they get at least to view and experience something that's healthy that they may be able to then take and be able to apply it when they become an adult. 

00:28:16 Mark Todhunter 

And they have their own families, and at least they have a model or a picture of 

00:28:20 Mark Todhunter 

what that looked like, what that felt like, and be able to strive towards that. 

00:28:26 Athena Cordero 

It sounds, that sounds like a shift in thinking, for anybody who is thinking about being a foster parent. 

00:28:36 Athena Cordero 

I like the way you described it as being a link in the chain. 

00:28:40 Athena Cordero 

In a previous conversation, I remember saying, you're like a landmark, you know, in this kid's life, you have an opportunity to be. 

00:28:46 Athena Cordero 

and how do you want to how do you want them to look back on their time with you? 

00:28:50 Athena Cordero 

But I really do like the way you said that there could be a core memory that they go back to something you thought was small that shapes the way they, raise their own families and how they live. 

00:29:02 Athena Cordero 

To me, that's a huge shift. 

00:29:03 Athena Cordero 

I appreciate you bringing that up that way. 

00:29:05 Mark Todhunter 

Absolutely. 

00:29:07 Athena Cordero 

I want to thank you, Mark, for sitting with us. 

00:29:09 Athena Cordero 

You gave us a lot to think about, a new way to think about it, I think. 

00:29:14 Athena Cordero 

And I hope that anybody who's thinking about becoming a foster parent can take what you shared. 

00:29:20 Athena Cordero 

When they make that decision, still go for it, I think. 

00:29:23 Athena Cordero 

They have the heart for it, but to think about the examples you gave and the way they respond, their behavior, the way they are showing consistency is super important. 

00:29:33 Mark Todhunter 

Absolutely, and you just work at it, right? 

00:29:36 Mark Todhunter 

Be encouraged. 

00:29:38 Mark Todhunter 

I love people, right? 

00:29:39 Mark Todhunter 

I'm in the people. 

00:29:41 Athena Cordero 

Business. 

00:29:42 Mark Todhunter 

People, business, and caring, and so I love it. 

00:29:45 Mark Todhunter 

I just think that foster parents and even relatives that take on children, whether it's grandparents or aunt and uncles, you're their heroes. 

00:29:57 Mark Todhunter 

You're their one chance 

00:30:00 Mark Todhunter 

to possibly have success, to change the child's life in just impactful ways. 

00:30:07 Mark Todhunter 

And it's not easy. 

00:30:09 Mark Todhunter 

And it's something that if you go in with a heart for that and a determination to really work at it and be good at it, your impact could be just unlimited. 

00:30:22 Mark Todhunter 

And 

00:30:24 Mark Todhunter 

really be the difference in a child's life. 

00:30:26 Athena Cordero 

I couldn't agree more. 

00:30:27 Athena Cordero 

We've got to work on hero t-shirts, I think. 

00:30:31 Mark Todhunter 

There you go. 

00:30:32 Mark Todhunter 

I love that. 

00:30:33 Athena Cordero 

All right, Mark, thank you so much for being with us today. 

00:30:36 Athena Cordero 

We'll have to have you back and give us some more good advice. 

00:30:39 Mark Todhunter 

Absolutely. 

00:30:39 Mark Todhunter 

Thank you so much for having me. 

00:30:42 Outro/Ad 

Before we wrap up, we want to remind you that if you or someone you know is facing a crisis, help is available. 

00:30:51 Outro/Ad 

You are not alone. 

00:30:53 Outro/Ad 

If it's an emergency, please call 911. 

00:30:57 Outro/Ad 

For immediate support, you can reach out to the crisis and suicide hotline by dialing 988. 

00:31:04 Outro/Ad 

Remember, taking the first step to ask for help is a sign of strength. 

00:31:09 Outro/Ad 

Stay safe, take care of yourself, and take care of each other. 

00:31:14 Outro/Ad 

Until next time, be well. 

00:31:17 Outro/Ad 

In this episode of Fostering Futures, 

00:31:19 Outro/Ad 

Athena sits down with Aubrey, service specialist with Desert Mountain Children's Center and a former foster youth. 

00:31:26 Outro/Ad 

Aubrey shares her powerful journey through foster care, reunification, loss, and early motherhood. 

00:31:32 Outro/Ad 

This conversation highlights identity, resilience, and the reality of adapting while searching for belonging. 

00:31:39 Outro/Ad 

An honest and inspiring story of breaking generational cycles and finding your way back to yourself. 

00:31:45 Outro/Ad 

You don't want to miss it. 

00:31:46 Outro/Ad 

See you next time.