Upbeat! in the Face of Loss: Music, Mindset & the Power of G.E.T.

What if the key to transforming your entire day—your mindset, your leadership, your grief—was simply shifting one word?

Dr. Matthew Arau discovered that power on a cold September morning when he swapped “have to” for “get to.” That simple shift became the heartbeat of his “Power of G.E.T.” philosophy: Gratitude, Enthusiasm, and Treasure.

In this high-energy, heart-forward conversation, Matthew shares the powerful tools he’s developed as a music educator, conductor, leadership coach, and founder of Upbeat! Global. Through personal stories of loss, the science behind music’s effect on the brain, and real-life strategies for shifting from stress to strength, Matthew helps us see how our “upbeat”—that anticipatory moment before something begins—can shape how we show up, no matter what we’re facing.

From conducting students after 9/11 to leading global workshops during the pandemic, Matthew shows us how music becomes a language for what can’t be said… and how purpose and positivity can transform even the hardest moments into something meaningful.

Whether you’re facing a loss, seeking inspiration, or simply want to show up with more intention and joy, this episode will lift your spirit—and help you choose your own upbeat in life.

🎵 “It just takes a little bit of light to transform darkness… and you can be that light.” — Dr. Matthew Arau [Please visit https://www.upbeatglobal.com/ to learn more about Dr. Matthew Arau’s work, books, resources, events, and the Upbeat! Global movement.]

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Dr. Matthew Arau
• 8:42 Matthew's Journey From Music to Leadership
• 15:40 The Power of Get: A Life-Changing Mindset
• 31:04 Gratitude as a Magic Potion
• 46:02 Music's Profound Impact on Healing
• 1:04:51 Living an Upbeat Life
• 1:31:51 Closing Thoughts and Staying Connected

Transcript

The Sisters: 0:08

Imagine if every day began with a single choice, a moment to set the tone, to choose your Upbeat!, not just in music, but in life. Today, we're joined by someone who embodies this philosophy, turning the concept of an Upbeat! into a guiding principle for leadership, mindfulness and personal growth. Dr Matthew Arau is more than a distinguished conductor and educator. He's a beacon of positivity and intentionality. As the founder of Upbeat! Global and author of "Upbeat! Mindset, mindfulness and Leadership in Music and Beyond, Matthew has inspired countless individuals to lead with gratitude, empathy and trust. In this episode, we'll explore the transformative power of choosing your mindset, the profound impact of music on our emotional well-being, and how the principles of leadership extend beyond the podium into our everyday lives. No matter where you are in your life or who you serve, personally or professionally, this conversation offers tools, perspective and presence to help you meet adversity with grace. It's an invitation to find your own Upbeat! in the face of challenge, grief and growth.

The Sisters: 1:14

Welcome to the PIG, where we explore life, love, loss and legacy through real conversations and meaningful stories, with purpose, intention and gratitude. We're your hosts. I'm Kellie and I'm Erin. Let's dive into what's sure to be powerful and harmonious conversation with Dr Matthew Arau.

Erin: 1:51

Matthew, we are absolutely thrilled to have you here with us today. It is such an honor to sit with you and to share this time. We have known you and been friends for a long time. Our history runs deep. We have had all sorts of adventures and partnerships together in the past, but this conversation on this podcast is sure to be a treat for all of us and for our listeners, and I'm really grateful to have you here today. Thank you so much for joining us.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 2:31

Thanks so much, Erin, and thank you, Kellie. It's such a joy to spend time with the two of you. I feel almost like we've grown up together. We've known each other for so long, so I cannot wait for our conversation.

Kellie: 2:44

Well, we have kind of grown up together. You know, we have navigated so many aspects of life as friends, as colleagues, as mentors, through careers and fun times, and we've also helped each other grow in a lot of really incredible ways. And I will say personally, Matthew, watching you dedicate your life to helping others and helping them find strength, purpose and resilience through music and through your own personal journey proves that Upbeat! isn't just a tempo, that it is a mindset. It has been a joy to watch you step forward every single day, beyond the relationship and life that we built for so many years, into a place of really leading, not just as we shared from the podium, but in every aspect of what you're doing through your work. And so we would love to start at the very beginning. We want everybody to get to know the Matthew that we know and learn about you and your background and your work. So let's just dive into who Dr Matthew Arau is.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 3:58

Hi everybody. I'm Dr Matthew Arau and music has always been a real centerpiece of my life. I'll just begin with that and I can't remember a time when I wasn't making up my own songs and singing and creating and pounding away at the piano and started playing the saxophone when I was nine and fell in love with jazz and studied music at Lawrence University in Appleton, Wisconsin, where I now teach, and moved to Colorado. I became a band director, loved every minute of it and was a high school band director and a middle school band director over those years at Walt Clark Middle School and Loveland High School, and I learned so much about leadership and culture through being a teacher and I really dove into personal growth through those years. I realized that if I could develop myself and grow myself, I would be able to lead others much more effectively. And eventually I started speaking on what I developed with my high school program, which was the Leadership Symposium. The Leadership Symposium was a Erin of students that we'd meet once a week to talk about what kind of culture we wanted to create, what was a quality of a servant leader, and we'd train on habits of leadership, and it was transformative for me and for my students.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 5:18

So when I left teaching high school to pursue my doctorate degree in conducting, I started presenting at conferences, first the Colorado Music Education Conference, and then I became a professor at Lawrence University. And then I presented the International Conference in Chicago to music educators from around the world and I shared a talk called Leadership Matters Enhance your Music Program Through Effective Student Leadership and that was in 2014. And that launched a speaking and training and presentation career that I could not foresee. I didn't foresee that my dream was to be a college band director, which I am, and I love every minute of it.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 5:57

I'm the head of the music education department at Lawrence and I love getting to prepare future music teachers of the world because music education is just so important in our world. But teaching leadership and mindfulness and culture building has been a centerpiece of my life. So what started as personal growth for myself, I've now been able to share these concepts through my books. For example, like Upbeat! came out in December 2001,. And it immediately became a bestseller in music education, like wow. And I think when you become, when you're an author, you know when you write a book plus, it's a labor of love.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 6:32

I mean it's like let's fight in tears right and I wrote this during the pandemic and I really truly had a calling to serve. I had been invited to give some webinars for music teachers and the feedback was that it was really helping folks. The mindful breathing techniques Erin strategies to deal with stress and overwhelm and even loss, right Loss of identity during that time Loss of being able to work in person with students was so challenging for teachers. I started teaching an online mindfulness course for teachers and teachers said well, Matthew, do you have a book? Can you put this in a book for us? My excuse had always been I'd love to, but I don't have time.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 7:16

But during the pandemic I was teaching virtually for a full year and so I realized I don't have any more excuses, I'm going to write this.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 7:23

And so I just got up at 5 am every morning, did a morning meditation, went for a swim and started journaling in the morning and the journaling became the book. And then, since then, I've published some other resources to really serve people. That'd be Daily Journal, which is in alignment with the book, so you can kind of read the book and journal alongside it, and then also the Daily Planner, the ultimate organizer for your get to do's. So we're just always creating resources. The leadership workbook is in the pipeline, and so I just want to be able to serve people, and what started off as being able to speak and serve music educators has expanded to fine arts teachers, and then it was entire schools, now it's entire school districts, and then it became at the university level, working with athletic departments and training coaches on this and working in the wellness area, and now I'm working with CEOs and businesses and corporations, and so what I've realized is that the message doesn't change. It's universal.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 8:26

And the leadership lessons I learned from music I'm bringing to the world and people are really resonating with it. It's been powerful.

Kellie: 8:37

You know, one of the things that I love about that, Matthew, is that every single one of us is the leader of ourselves on a day in and day out basis.

Kellie: 8:48

We are constantly leading in every area of our life, in every relationship we have, and so leadership just doesn't apply to the classroom, to the boardroom, to any other room. It applies in our everyday living and on The P-I-G we explore life, love, loss and really the living legacy that we're leaving, and this concept of leaving a legacy through leadership and how music can serve as a tool to help us grow, heal, process, grief and be inspired when navigating life. Love and loss is really powerful, and so we're really looking forward to kind of unpacking all the layers of that with you today. As an expert in leadership, but also as an expert in using music as a functional tool in your life. Whether you play music and I've played music since I was four years old, so it's always been such an instrumental part of my world, but we include music purposefully in our episodes. I listen to music when I'm out, on my walks and my meditation time. Music is such an incredible tool to help us in so many different aspects of our life.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 10:18

Yeah, absolutely yeah. I really look forward to kind of diving into that and I love, you know, just talking about this and I know that music and piano has been integral to who you are and part of your spirit. And music is just amazing. I can't imagine life without it. So it's just, it's transformative.

Kellie: 10:40

I was thinking too. You know, a lot times people, when they think about loss and grief, it's the passing of somebody that they love, that's near and dear to them, no matter what the circumstances of that are. And here we talk about loss in all of its various forms loss of relationships, careers, finances, identity, limbs, I mean, you name it. There's loss of all types every single day. But when we talk about the loss of somebody we love, two things go hand in hand, and to me that is funerals or memorial services, of whatever kind or practice that is. You know, whatever your belief systems are, whatever you do to celebrate somebody, and they always have music. Those two things always go together.

Erin: 11:29

Yeah, and that's essentially what I was going to say is, I'm already so excited about this conversation because, Matthew, your passion is just so palpable and that's been evident since the moment I met you decades ago. I mean, we've known each other forever, but I loved what you said about not just passion but the mindfulness piece of it as well. That's something that I'm sure we'll circle back to throughout this conversation. But I've always been aware of your passion for music and music education and, as we've worked together on different projects over the years, I've also come to realize what an incredible leader you are and the extraordinary impact that you have on people around you, not just your students, but colleagues and people you mentor, and friends and family. I mean, you're just a captivating human being.

Erin: 12:33

But exactly what Kellie was just talking about, what you both were just talking about, is, you know, I'm somebody who I also grew up kind of being forced to play the piano and take piano lessons with my sister. I didn't quite have the same joy doing it that my sister did, and so when given the opportunity to quit piano lessons, I quit taking piano lessons, but I was always involved in music at some level and I did try other instruments.

Erin: 13:04

I played the violin in sixth grade, but I was always involved in music at some level and I did try other instruments. I played the violin in sixth grade and I think my parents very lovingly encouraged me to not want to hear the screeching through the household anymore, and so they were like what about singing? So...

Kellie: 13:23

That's hysterical.

Erin: 13:26

... I did that, so my violin days were limited. I wasn't as good at it as I thought I was, and I will note you do have a beautiful singing voice and you have a beautiful podcast voice. Oh, thank you, oh, thank you. So I did turn to singing and did that for a short time, and I played the guitar. I really wanted to learn to play the guitar, and so I took some guitar lessons in high school and played around with that for a little bit, which has been really fun, because now my oldest son, Weston, is a completely self-taught musician. Matthew, I don't think you realize this but he plays the piano, the drums, the harmonica.

Erin: 14:08

He played the cello for a few years and he took one piano class in high school, but that was after he had already taught himself how to play. He just wanted to get some instruction on reading music, and so he's also an incredible singer, but so much of his passion is self-taught. Although I don't have the gift, necessarily, of playing musical instruments, I do think that every single person on this planet can relate to your statement of music just sparks emotion. It just does, and I know for myself like there are different types of music that I listen to for different things in my life. When I'm working, when I'm exercising, when I'm cleaning, I turn to music for certain types of inspiration, and I think that's a really beautiful thing, and I really look forward to exploring what you have to say about that today as well.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 15:15

Yes, well, where do you think we should go from here?

Kellie: 15:19

Let's start here, Matthew. When we talk about music, mindset and the power of get, I think we should introduce get to listeners, where all of this really started, Because you shared with us your background and your history, but there was a pivotal turning point moment for you.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 15:42

Yes definitely, and it's fascinating how sometimes well, this is really a topic for this podcast, which is sometimes the greatest challenges we face in life lead to the greatest lessons, Some of our hardest struggles. When we look back, sometimes we don't learn the lesson for years. Right, Something can happen and it's just. It's something in our past and could be 20 years later that we're able to process it and realize, well, that happened. If that hadn't happened, this wouldn't have led to here. This wouldn't have led to this. I wouldn't be who I am today. Sometimes we learn the lessons more quickly, but one of the hardest challenges is to be thinking about what is the lesson in the midst of the challenge.

Erin: 16:25

Yes.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 16:25

And that's where I've tried to get to today. In my own life now, which is when I'm experiencing challenge, my greatest challenges right now involve health. So when I am experiencing health challenges, I often think what's the lesson here?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 16:40

I feel, like I'm being tested for what purpose. You know how am I going to grow through this? But this, the power of get lesson, is like that where I reflected and it brought me back in time where I learned a very valuable lesson which I've had the opportunity now to share not only in my book, but been able to share the power of get now in over over 40 states in person and in four continents wow and it's the the stories I hear from people that want either folks that have read my book or heard me speak and how they've integrated into their own life.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 17:17

It's just so moving and so I'll share the story. And it doesn't integrate music. It is about loss, but it's about the lessons we can learn and the growth that we can experience from loss. It was September 12, 2020, and I woke up that morning in our home in Neenah, Wisconsin, where my wife Merilee and I live, and we have a swimming pool. Because we live in Wisconsin, it's not open year round. So we opened up about mid-May and it closes the end of September early October, as the leaves are falling and it's starting to get much colder, and it was September 12, 2020. So I figured I had two to three weeks left of the pool being open, and so I woke up excited, looking forward to going for a swim. But when I woke up and looked outside, it was dark, dreary, cold. It's about 40 degrees Fahrenheit, which was pretty cold for mid-September day. It was windy, but, to top it off, it was raining, and it wasn't just a light rain, it was like buckets. It was a Wisconsin deluge, and so when I looked outside, I thought to myself shoot, I'm not going to be able to go for a swim today. So instead I made some tea or coffee, or maybe both that morning, I don't remember. But then I did a morning mindful breathing routine and meditation, and then I pulled out a notebook. Looked much like this, actually just a simple notebook with paper, a lined paper inside, and I just started journaling.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 19:12

And because of September 12, 2020, I thought about the day before September 11. But I didn't end up journaling about the day before. I ended up reflecting and going back in time to 9-11, September 11, 2001. And on that day, I was in my fifth year of teaching as a middle school band director in Loveland, Colorado. As I drove to school that day, I had no idea that my life or our lives were about to change forever. And when I arrived at school, my principal shared with me that he had just heard something on the radio that was disturbing, which was that somebody had flown a plane into one of the Twin Towers. And that's all he knew. And we can remember back to that day.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 19:57

If we weren't in New York or nearby, the news was really sketchy. At first. We really didn't have like immediate access to what was happening the way we do now, where it's like instantaneously on our phones, but back then it was like the radio. They were trying to figure it out what was going on. So I went to my band room and I turned on the television that was over the whiteboard at the front of the room and I went directly to one of the news channels and there was that famous scene that we all know now, and it wasn't just a small plane that accidentally flew into the towers and at that time it was the most horrifying scene I'd ever seen in my life up to that point.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 20:36

About 10 minutes later, my first students started coming into the band room sixth graders, 11 year old students and we didn't get our instruments out. We just set our instruments down on the floor and together we watched the news happen in real time in front of our very eyes. And at the end of that first class we saw the first tower crumble in flames and we had no words. And then the next sixth grade band class started coming in and again we didn't get our instruments out. We just sat in silence and watched the news. And at the end of the second class we saw the second tower crumble in flames and we had no words.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 21:16

And then I had a planned period and a lunch, followed by two seventh grade bands and two eighth grade bands, and the first seventh grade band students started coming into the band room and there was one student. She saw that the TV was on and the news was on. She said can we turn the TV off? We've been watching the news in every class and it's just so hard. Can we get our instruments out? Can we play today? Can we make music? And I said, yes, that's a great idea. So I turned the TV off, we got our instruments out, we started warming up and then we opened up our band method book, which we were in seventh grade. So we're just, the students were in seventh grade, just like learning, you know, just the next level of music.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 21:57

And and it turned out that number six in the book is the first piece that teaches the three, four time signature, three beats in the measure. But it was also a piece that really spoke to us that day, a piece titled America, and the words are my country tis of thee, and that's how it begins. And so it sounded like this Just six measures. But we played those six measures over and over and over again. That's what we played the entire class. And then the next seventh grade students came in. We did the same thing and then the eighth graders had two eighth grade classes and eighth graders. We got our instruments out, we started warming up and then it turned out that they had a piece of music in their folder. That was the most appropriate piece for that day. It was amazing grace and we played amazing grace over and over and over again.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 23:09

And on that day my students and I came to understand the true superpower of music in a way that none of us had ever experienced before, not even me, even though I'd been making music my entire life. You see, for the first time I truly understood what it's, what it means when it's said, when words fail, music speaks. Because on that day there were no words, but we had music to express what we felt inside in our human heart, just to play music, to play music that had such deep meaning, that connected us, that united us really as Americans. That day, and as I was reflecting on 9-11 in my journal, I kind of shifted and I started making a to-do list for the day, and I would often do that journal and then make a to-do list in the same place.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 23:56

Right, and you know our lives are so busy. It's helpful to make a to-do list. But oftentimes our to-do list can feel I don't know about you, but like almost like a half to-do list, like a bunch of checklists. I just have to, if I can, just I can just get through this. I've achieved something this day, but something in my mind flipped, being in the midst of the global pandemic, reflecting on that and thinking about 9-11, I just added one word to that to-do list and that word was get. And it changed everything. It's not like the things that I was doing changed, it was just the way I felt about it. So now my to-do list read something like this I get to email Sarah, I get to call Mark, I get to prepare to teach my music classes, I get to study my conductor scores, and then I wrote.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 24:49

I GET to dance in the rain and I get to go for a swim, even though it's freezing, cold and rainy.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 24:52

I mean I'm telling you what. It was so cold. But I put on my swim shorts and went outside and hurriedly went to the edge of the pool and because I wrote it that I get to go dance in the rain, I did. I mean it wasn't a very long dance. I need to tell you it was like a four second little jig. Yeah, got it.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 25:15

And then I dove into the pool and as I'm swimming in the pool, I'm thinking about all that I get to do. I get to have this breath, I get to have this life. I get to inspire others through music and inspire through leadership. And as I was thinking about, like this amazing life, that everything, I realized everything is a get. As I was thinking about the power of "GET, get, I thought about another incredible word.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 25:47

The Power of Yet is another phrase that has been popularized by Carol Dweck and her amazing research in the area of growth mindset. She has a great TED talk on the power of yet and it's the idea of somebody says you can't do something. You respond no, you can't do it yet, and I love that as a teacher, of course. I love that because oftentimes students might be bewildered or just down on themselves like, or as a music teacher, you know, they might feel like, oh, I can't do that, it's too hard, and I'll say, no, no, you just can't do it.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 26:19

Yeah, we're gonna work together. I mean, I'm gonna collaborate together, I'm gonna give you strategies. We put in some more time, a little more effort. We're going to focus on the process. We're going to get there. And I thought, well, why is yet so powerful? Well, yet is powerful because it's about Erin hope and it's about the future. So then I reflected but what's so powerful about get? Why am I so jazzed about get? And here's why you get is about the present Right, it's about the present moment. It's the only moment that's guaranteed is now the three of us, oh my gosh Right.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 26:53

The three of us get to connect together. We get to have this conversation today.

Erin: 26:59

And we get to inspire so many others.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 27:03

Yes.

Kellie: 27:04

Through the airwaves.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 27:06

Isn't that amazing. And so I got out of the pool and I was just so excited I thought, well, what if I added meaning to each of these letters, G-E-T? And I really gave each letter a lot of thought and reflection. But G just called me to be gratitude. Yes, so G is for gratitude. And I just I thought about how many times have I felt appreciation for someone and kept it to myself and not shared it, right? Maybe I felt uncomfortable or awkward. I just, or I just didn't want to go through the trouble, but I may. I vowed to myself that I would never withhold it anymore. I'm not going to hold back. I'm not going to hold back. I'm not going to hold back appreciation, I'm going to share gratitude openly. And then E is for enthusiasm.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 27:53

I just decided you know, life is short and all you know is that you have right now. So I'm going to live every moment with enthusiasm, no regrets. And I'll tell you what, Kellie and Erin, when I was researching the meaning of the word enthusiasm, because I and I'll tell you what, Kellie and Erin, when I was researching the meaning of the word enthusiasm, because I love to get down to the origins of words, like where did it start? It turns out that enthusiasm comes from the Greeks. The origin of the word is from the Greeks and it has three parts. And if you look at it, the middle of that word thus means God, and e-asm means essence, and en means within. So enthusiasm translates to the essence of God within us, mm-hmm.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 28:40

And when I learned that, I thought oh my gosh, how would you live your life if you knew that the essence of God lies within you? You wouldn't take any moment for granted, you wouldn't wait for things to be taken away from us, like happened in the pandemic. So many things were taken away from us and then we missed them. Then we were like oh, I should have been grateful for it, but I wasn't. And I thought I'm not going to wait for something like that. I'm not going to wait for something like that. I'm not going to wait for somebody to be taken away to be grateful and this does apply to loss, doesn't it Right? Because sometimes we may not cherish something or someone as much as we could in the present and sometimes we don't realize that until it's taken away. And I don't want to wait, for I don't want to have that happen anymore. I want to be present and aware and and be fully with them and with enthusiasm, and T is for treasure, to treasure the people in our lives and to not take anything for granted.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 29:34

But one thing I really reflected on during the pandemic is what I now call the lost or the hidden treasure, and what that is is that many of us we're such givers. We're givers I'm a teacher and I dedicate my life to serving others and sometimes we can serve so much and give so much that we forget to fill our own cup. This became so evident in the pandemic, I think, as so many people start reflecting as they had kind of time and they're like, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm running on empty and what I've realized is that lost or the hidden treasure is the treasure that lies within each one of us and I love just like put my hand on my heart and just realize that you know I am a treasure, you are a treasure. Each one of us is a treasure. We have this, this light within, this golden light within that's meant to be shined brightly and shared with others.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 30:25

And so so often we suppress our own light, don't we like society suppresses it or our loved ones close to us can suppress us, almost like without intending to, or oh, don't do that, don't do that, you know, don't, don't really follow your dreams, conform? All those kinds of things, those messages that we get. And that's not what life is about. Our life is to live into our full purpose of who we're meant to be, and only you know who you're fully meant to be, to become yourself authentically. And so that's been something I've really shared is that when you can learn to live your life fully, to shine brightly, you literally encourage others around you to live fully, to shine their own own light, and just imagine how the world can change when we all shine our light brightly.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 31:08

Because there is a lot of darkness in the world and certainly the media focuses on the negative and the fear. But with all my travels I've realized that there's so much beauty in the world and there's so much goodness in the world, and we just need to highlight that. And so that's that's the power of get, and, and it's really made a difference in how I live. I just think about every moment as I get to do this In fact, I say that in my head like I get to do the dishes I get to, you know, clean up the dog poop right. You know like I get to.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 31:37

You know I get to, like, get water from the tap. How amazing is that Clean drinking water just by flipping the tap? I mean the things we take for granted when over 2 billion people in the world don't have access to clean drinking water. Those little things in life. But yeah, so that's that principle that I've shared and it's been just so moving to see how that one idea, this three-letter word, it's really a shift from a four-letter word to a three-letter word, shifting from have to get From I have to. It's really a shift from a four letter word to a three letter word, shifting from have to get from I have to...

Dr. Matthew Arau : 32:08

No, it's an, "I get to

Erin: 32:36

God, it's so beautiful Matthew. And I'm over here like taking notes, like I'm sitting in one of your conferences like, just like a maniac like jotting things down. But as soon as you said that initially, that's exactly where down the get to, it just equals gratitude. It just does when you change your mindset. And going back to I knew the moment you said it, when we opened, when you used that word mindfulness, I knew we would circle back to it. So this is our first circle back.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 33:12

Oh, wonderful.

Erin: 33:13

But that is, it's a mindset, right, it's a choice...

Dr. Matthew Arau : 33:18

yeah it is.

Erin: 33:19

Of how we get to view our lives, our tasks day to day, and that just resonates so deeply with me and it's such a beautiful concept that I get to do these things and because I have the breath in me and the capability, then by default I need to be grateful for the things that I get to do every single day. That's beautiful.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 33:47

Yeah, thanks, Erin. One woman, she shared with me that she has three daughters is a music teacher.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 33:56

She's a wife, wears all these various hats and I think her daughters are like three, five and seven, and oftentimes it's just a checklist that she would need to get done, for example, reading a bedtime story each of her daughters to put them to bed. It was like I just have to do this, I can get to the next one, put them to bed, but dig on to the next thing. And after you know learning the power of get, she realized no, I get to read my daughter a bedtime story because in a few short years she's not going to want me to anymore, and so every moment I have with her is really a treasured moment. When she shared that with me, I was just so like "wow, because you know, I wrote originally for music educators but now it's touched people in all walks of life, because when you get beyond the classroom, you start talking about parenting.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 34:55

Now you're talking a universal language, you know, affecting our mindset about how we think about every aspect of what we do.

Erin: 35:01

Matthew, you mentioned it really drawing you to the present moment and that being a gift, and that's why we always say right, that's why they call it the present, it is the gift. My mind immediately went to Kellie and I's mom, Marsha, who inspired this entire project of The P-I-G podcast and the project that we're working on with Chris Howard, with the story of The Boxes, these beautiful physical gifts that she wrapped and left for us to be given at these milestone moments in our lives that she knew she wasn't going to be physically present for. And I can't help but smile and think about how beautiful this concept is and how every word that you just spoke likely would have resonated so deeply with her heart and mind and soul, because I just believe that she in to do this for us, that wasn't a have to, that was a moment where she got to make sure that she was remembered and a part of milestone moments in our lives. And so it's so beautiful to hear your words and to just let those kind of sit in my heart and mind and soul and just to think back on such a precious moment like that for her, that was probably so difficult to do, but she did it in the moment because she could and she got to do that, and I know that she was grateful for being able to do. But she did it in the moment because she could and she got to do that, and I know that she was grateful for being able to do that. Kellie, do you have anything that you want to add to that?

Kellie: 37:11

As you were sharing all of that, several things came to mind, one of which I don't think Matthew, two of which I don't think Matthew knows. But yes, Erin, I absolutely believe that she did it with gratitude, which is a core value that she instilled in you and I, and Scott, and instilled in everybody who was ever around her have to do it because of the circumstances. She approached it with that mindset of I get to do it and I believe that enthusiasm to be present in those moments in spirit as we opened up the treasure that was inside that box. So the kind of full circle of that is tied up in a pretty bow with the fact that this principle came to you on September 12th, which is the day she died in 1994. Wow, and that the song that your students felt compelled to play over and, over, and, over and over again was Amazing Grace, which is the song that she wanted, sung by a very close family friend, Susan Rowland, who sings our P-I-G jingle at her memorial service.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 38:42

Yeah, Wow.

Kellie: 38:44

Let's talk a little bit about each one of these words, because there is a lot of depth there and gratitude is a guiding principle of the P-I-G. And we talk a lot about gratitude on the podcast and each one of our guests has repeatedly come back to this concept of gratitude, has repeatedly come back to this concept of gratitude. Erin is a passionate attitude of gratitude b eliever; Marcus and I are passionate with our gratitude practices on a daily basis, from the moment we get up, when you go into bed in a warm, safe bed in a warm, safe house. That is a privilege. And when you wake up in the morning, just waking up is a privilege, and putting two feet flat on the floor is a privilege, and taking a hot shower is a privilege, and having food on demand and water on demand is a privilege. You write in your book this is the very first sentence under gratitude, on page 58: "Gratitude is the magic potion that shifts our mindset from noticing what is wrong to looking for what is right. That has a lot of power, because when we look for what is right, that has a lot of power. Because when we look for what is right, we discover joy, which is another concept that you teach, and if listeners have listened by chance to the episode with Jenny Thomas, who lost her leg in a motorcycle accident, she also lost her husband in that accident and it's a beautiful episode and a beautiful story and so inspiring. Ginny would have Eeyore days when she was in the hospital for so long and her mother, who has since passed, would practice gratitude with her when she had what she called her Eeyore days and through that she started to rediscover joy. And I was sharing this concept with Marcus and after his dad died which is a story he shares and the circumstances around that passing in episode three, he said episode three. He said, wow, I mean, when I allow, I was talking to him about the concept of allowing grief and gratitude to coexist at the same time, that we can actually choose to do that, and when we do, we can discover what's right instead of focusing on what's wrong. We can experience joy. And he said, yeah, I think that's what happened when my dad died, because he approached that passing very differently than a lot of people do. He found a lot of joy, he went right back to work. He wanted to work, get back to his clients. You have to go on living life, and so I loved that sentence that you shared. I thought that was really, really powerful.

Kellie: 41:55

You also said, "when we create a habit of adopting an attitude of gratitude, we become more aware of things that we appreciate. Our field of vision and perception broadens. We appreciate being alive. We engage wholly to make the most of the day. Our choices matter. We can choose to obsess over what we don't have, or we can deeply appreciate what we do have. We can focus on everything that is wrong or notice what is right. When people lose something or someone they love, it is very difficult to focus on anything that is right, and so that focus on that practice of gratitude, I believe, is one of the most instrumental things that we can do in those moments. So I would love to hear from you how people might be able to do that with or through music.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 42:58

Yeah, well, I'll just. I'll go back to even the story of reflecting on 9-11. And this, of course, was students performing music, you know with instruments, but it could have been with voices. You know. We could have sung Amazing Grace or America, and there's great meaning in different types of music. Right At my grandmother's funeral, she loved listening to my brother, javier, and myself we both play saxophone and one of the pieces she loved us playing was Sweet Georgia Brown, and some of you might notice the Harlem Globetrotter theme was do, do, do, do, do, do, do, sweet Georgia Brown. Anyway. So, yeah, great groove. So at at the funeral, my brother and I played Sweet Georgia Brown and kind of jammed out on it. And so music can have different meaning, for, like different pieces, and, as you said, you know, your mom requested Amazing Grace to be performed or sung at her funeral. Music can have great meaning, can be attached to different moments in life.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 44:03

We might pick a song for the first song of our wedding, or, you know, the first dance, or maybe there's the song that you and your, your loved one, first listened to on the radio, and so you remember that that moment and you know, music can be part of celebrations and I love to think about even the loss of a loved one is really a celebration of their life and and when we can, and that's what I think that's part of the the process, of the grieving process, and even, um, in a church service, people will often share stories and they can can even involve humor, and as we reflect and remember someone's life and that's where legacy is part of it it's like we all know that we are here for a limited time. I think sometimes when we're young, we think like maybe we're immortal.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 44:52

Everybody else is going to die, not me.

Erin: 44:56

I have to have this conversation with my kids all the time...

Erin: 44:59

You are not invincible. I know you think you are at 19 and 20 years old, but you are not.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 45:06

It's kind of a fun illusion to live with. I think it's almost like to hang on to that. But uh, I I think that to, to, to think about that legacy. And I have a really good friend that said, rather than leave a legacy, this, actually his daughter's taught him this he's. She said everybody talks about leaving a legacy. Have you ever thought about just living a legacy? I was like like, yes, yes, every day, every day.

Kellie: 45:33

That's our theme here.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 45:35

I love it.

Erin: 45:35

We talk about that all the time. How do you leave a legacy by how you live that? Really is the legacy we leave. Yes, your legacy is how you live right now.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 45:47

Yes, that's your legacy.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 45:48

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't need to be like putting your name on a building or it's just like how you live and how you impact others, and oftentimes we don't even know the difference we make in others or for others. We just do the best we can with intention and purpose, and that's the thing about leadership is you don't need to have a title. Sometimes you're leading others just by doing the right thing and being a role model and leading by example, and people see that, and those are the types of things that will often be celebrated and reflected on as we think about the difference someone made during their time here on this planet in physical form. But music, you know, it's different for everybody.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 46:32

You know some people it's Bach and it's going to be this beautiful classical music like Air, energy, string or something moving from classical music. So for some people it's going to be, you know, a classic rock piece that touches them and makes their heart, you know, touches their heart strings. Or it's going to be, you, you know, a contemporary popular song from, from this era. Or you know whatever your childhood moved you. You know whatever pieces, maybe it's like that, that dance. You dance that at your middle school, dance that is stuck with you.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 47:02

That has meaning. I think music is very personal for us. You know, there there's certain pieces that seem to really make people move. The theme from Platoon was by Samuel Barber, adagio for Strings, and it's this very lush piece that stays on a chord for a very long time and then it changes chords. But the way it moves it just really touches people and I think that's one of the reasons the movie Platoon, which is, you know, that's many years ago that it came out when the Academy Award, probably 40 years ago now.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 47:40

But when we think about movies and the impact that music has, particularly those moments when we're brought to tears, it's often the music that actually leads to that. Right, it's like, why am I so moved? It's, but while the actor might have tears on their face too, and that we often are touched because we connect with that, but it's often the music that connects us. So music can be part of the grieving process, because I think one of the things we don't want to do is to suppress our feelings but lean into it. So just being okay with sadness and if that's what you feel like, feel into that. But you can also feel sad and grateful at the same time.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 48:20

Like you said, gratitude is magic. It really is. It was the first thing that was studied deeply in the positive psychology movement at University of Pennsylvania and Robert Emmons work and Martin Seligman's work in the area of gratitude. You know, and it was this simple, like gratitude journaling for 21 days and the impact it had on people's behavior and emotions is incredible. So gratitude, you can choose gratitude.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 48:43

That's what's amazing, and it can be challenging sometimes. You know if we're really upset. It might be hard to do, but you can. You don't need to wait for something tragic to happen before you start thinking about gratitude. You can begin the practice of gratitude today, right now. You can focus on something or someone that you're grateful for. Just breathe it in and just think about them and just notice how your body changes when you breathe in gratitude. You feel it at a cellular level. Your immune system elevates, you feel healthier, you're more vibrant when you focus on gratitude, even in the darkest moments, and so I just encourage folks to think of gratitude as a practice and to not wait for something really hard to happen before you start thinking about gratitude.

Kellie: 49:56

I'm so glad you brought up science, because music and gratitude move us emotionally and literally change our brain. Yes, incredible. I mean every aspect of our brain, memory, our language. So I don't know if you have anything more to share with that, but I love for those that really need to get into or have that little bit more scientific brain and I need proof, like give me some proof that gratitude and music are actually going to help me heal, help me process, help me transition.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 50:39

The number of studies that have been done on gratitude is probably the most studied aspect in psychology and there's been studies on prison inmates, gratitude journaling versus not gratitude journaling. Just developing this practice, see, what happens is and you can just our listeners can just try this on your own, no matter how you're feeling today. Think of something or someone, and it might just be. I'm grateful for this glass of water, like something basic. It doesn't matter what it is, it's just the idea that your mind is looking for something positive. And when our mind looks for something positive, we literally shift our mind into what I call the positive realm, which ignites the prefrontal cortex and neocortex of our brain. And when that happens, like so much beautiful, transformative things happen.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 51:23

When, when we're in the prefrontal cortex, neocortex, part of our brain, we're better at relationships, we're better at communication, our immune system is elevated, we're smarter, we're physically more fit. When we're in this positive realm, when we breathe deeply, when taking deep breaths from like our stomach or from our belly region, or you're thinking about gratitude or feeling gratitude, you ignite the vagus nerve or stimulate the vagus nerve, which is amazing, that's the longest cranial nerve and it goes all the way, you know, from way up here all the way through our lungs into our digestive system down to our diaphragm. And what's amazing about the vagus nerve is it helps us calm down right. It helps us relax and center us and ground us and it helps shift us from the sympathetic nervous system, which is our anxious anxiety stress side of ourselves, to the parasympathetic nervous system when your vagus nerve is stimulated, and really I share that.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 52:22

There's two practices that anybody can just choose to shift how they're feeling, and the first one is gratitude and the second one is mindful breathing.

Kellie: 52:32

But what I love about what we're discussing today is the third one is music, yeah, I know that there have been studies too, even with people who are losing memory let's talk Alzheimer's and dementia and how familiar songs can actually activate the hippocampus and trigger vivid memories or actually using music to help individuals with those diagnoses remember and recall and stay connected to the things in the people that really mean something to them.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 53:10

That's what's so amazing. There's actually different memory centers in our brain and music's in a different spot than our other memory. So that's why somebody who might not even remember their spouse's name or their memory might be really limited, especially short term. You play that song from their childhood or something, and then that memory will attach to something else. All of a sudden it'll come back. When I was about 16 years old, I had my own jazz group. It was about six of us, six teenagers. We were so young and we were called the Midnight Junction Jazz and we played the Sacramento Dixieland International Jubilee. We were featured on the Mickey Mouse Club show as kids Flown to Orlando. It was like anyways, that's a whole other story, that's so cool, that is so cool.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 54:00

Yeah, I know like sidebar.

Kellie: 54:02

I learned something new about Matthew today!

Dr. Matthew Arau : 54:06

By the way, you can actually... Apparently this is on YouTube somehow. My brother found it. It's so funny because I'm 16. I was the leader of the group. I'm actually interviewed and they bring me like am.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 54:16

I see, I'm like, see you real soon, okay, anyway, the whole, the whole deal is that we've we've played and, believe it or not, Sweet Georgia Brown's coming up a lot, cause that's actually what we played on the Mickey Mouse Club. But what I was going to share is Sweet Georgia Brown also made this unbelievable impact. So we're at a nursing home because we like to do service too, and so we, you know, we did a performance as a senior centers and that kind of thing, and so many of the folks you know were in wheelchairs or, you know, couldn't walk very well, and there was one gentleman who was very still like, definitely wasn't talking at all, but he was out there. They wheeled him out his wheelchair and we started playing. We played things like when the states go marching in, and we played sweet georgia brown, and I found this out from my mom on the break.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 55:04

He started talking to my mom and he said he said is that your boy? Is that your boy? And she's like yes, and he's like oh, I love this music and anyways, uh, what we found out afterwards is that those were the first words he'd spoken in four years. Oh, wow, I actually wrote about that in my college essay because it just again the power of music and it goes to exactly what you're saying, Kellie, about. Music can inspire us, it can connect us to events, to feelings, to scenes, to just important memories in our life are so often connected to music. It's almost like our life has a soundtrack to it, if we think about the music we were listening to during that era in our life music might change, or our tastes might change through life, but music's always there, even if it's in the background, even if you're not an avid musician, but it's there.

Kellie: 56:02

I have found, too, that during some of the most stressful moments of my life, some of the most stressful moments of my life that music has been a way for me to decompress right, because it affects our cortisol levels and our hormones and, like you talked about, you know, tapping into the parasympathetic nervous system. But it is something that, during times of stress, which is easily and readily associated with loss, that can really be helpful too.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 56:32

Yeah, and music and dance are often connected too. Right, music was often just connected with dance, but like it never used to be separated, actually Isn't that interesting. So you think about indigenous cultures. Most of the time, there's music and some kind of dance associated with the music, and so it's nice, nice to connect music and some kind of dance associated with the music and so it's nice, nice to connect music and dance.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 56:53

But you know, uh, having a lot of people have like the playlist when they're going for a run or something, right because it keeps you, it hypes you up and that kind of thing, so music can absolutely affect us and we might like run further than we ever imagined we could because we're in that zone, we're in that flow, because the music, yeah, we keep going, keep going. You're one of my uh motivation pieces is uh from rocky right, and so when we went to philadelphia I blasted that on a, on an iphone, and then uh had somebody take a photograph of you know, a film of me, like with the music playing, like running up the stairs, and but like we associate music with, with that scene, it's kind of like overcoming the odds, it's like the underdog. We can, we can overcome this. And music associates with so many different things. And music is in weddings we might think of particular music in in funerals but but we are connected.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 57:47

I think it's because we are musical beings. Really. Our heartbeat is rhythmic, our blood flows, everything is rhythmic, and it's harmonic really. There's a harmony to how our bodies work, there's a harmony in how human beings interact, and harmony doesn't mean everything's always positive. By the way, I should share that.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 58:06

Harmony can be dissonant, that means there can be clashes, but there's also resolutions. If you think about wonderful music, it's not like positive the whole time. Even a Disney piece will have some tension, and then resolution keeps it interesting. And that's the way life is, I think, and once we realize that that life isn't meant to be perfectly serene and rose colored every day, like there are going to be these hills and valleys, but it's, it's the whole experience that enriches it. It's like, do you want to have bland food or you want some food with some zest, some spice in it? Because it's like for the spice that makes it unique and special and and and it's like it's your journey to live on this, on this planet. Do you want to live vanilla or do you want to, like you know, have some spice?

Erin: 58:53

Yeah, I do. I love that. I love what you said about our life having a soundtrack, because that's so relatable, because you think about any show, any movie, right, just like what you were talking about. You know the highs and lows and ups and downs, and it's the score, it's the soundtrack, it's the music that tells a story. You know, you know that it's a scary moment when the music tells you. It's a scary moment, right, if you're watching a scary movie. But it was a Disney themed song playing it wouldn't you know, it just wouldn't add up right Like very incongruent right.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 59:33

It wouldn't be the same.

The Sisters: 59:34

You know we're all. You know we all lived in Colorado and I know you know, Matthew, you and your beautiful wife Merilee got married at the historic Stanley Hotel in Estes Park. You know there's so many movies that were filmed there. But you think about the Shining right, yes, exactly, which is probably the most famous movie that was filmed there. But you think about those soundtracks are so much of how a story is told, of how a story is told, and so that parallel of our lives having a soundtrack is profound.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:00:15

It's really neat to kind of think of the role that music plays in your life, and it does play a role in everyone's life.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:00:22

And there's joyful music and there's music for working out, like you said, but there's music for relationships, there's music for love, and it can be very personal, but I do think that we are musical beings. What I hear is that the smallest particle is in the universe that every matter is composed of is a vibrating string. So I think that even the universe is an orchestra. If you think about the string instrument, or even the piano is strings, you know. So we're all vibrating, everything is at a frequency. So we actually are musical and I think that's why we resonate with music at different frequencies, because we're meant to Like.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:01:04

You can see, it's like a crystal glass can be shattered by like a certain pitch, like our bodies. Our bodies are affected by music and there's been these amazing studies of even like water. The elements in water can be changed based on the type of music that's being played around it. Like crystals, yeah, the crystals will make different shapes and be like harmonious, with like harmonious music, like Mozart or Bach, and then you play like some death metal and then the crystals get like oh, jacked up, I've seen that and we're so much water in our bodies.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:01:37

So just think about like how music can literally either mess you up or like make you at your peak performance, based on and how we respond, and we've seen studies with plants being impacted by the music that's played. Like Mozart seems to be like really popular with like helping plants grow like to be the best. You know so, and we're living, breathing organisms, you know, like plants, like crystals in water, so music does affect us at a deep cellular level. It's amazing.

Kellie: 1:02:08

Our daughter Lily, gave us a book for Christmas a few years ago and it's called "The Hidden Habits of Genius Beyond Talent, IQ and and Grit, Unlocking the Secrets of Greatness" by Dr Craig Wright. He is a professor of music at Yale University and there's a couple of quotes in this book I really love that seem to really apply right now. There's a couple quotes in this book I really love that seem to really apply right now: "Music activates more parts of the brain than any other human activity and emotional intensity..." which enthusiasm right. To me, that's a form of emotional intensity drives creativity and nothing touches emotion like music. Does.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:02:54

Love that quote.

Kellie: 1:02:55

I thought you would. I love that too. A nd in your book, you talk about Pele - who Erin knows really well...

Kellie: 1:03:03

"nthusiasm is everything. It must be taught and vibrating like a guitar string

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:03:10

I love that so cool, even the soccer legend pele yeah, was talking about connecting music to enthusiasm.

Kellie: 1:03:17

Yeah, isn't that cool. Hey, Matthew, can you think of a time in your life when music helped you navigate a moment of profound personal loss or a major challenge?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:03:56

Yeah for sure. Well, it's interesting because I got really sick in college, an undergraduate, and I was an avid saxophonist. But I got so sick I wasn't able to play the saxophone. That was so hard on me. I actually didn't know if I was ever going to be able to play again because I I got so weak, so that form of music was taken away from me, like my love of playing the saxophone. But how I connected to music was through continuing to to listen to music. So just think about a musician having their primary instrument like unable to play it for nine months actually. So I was still able to connect with music through listening. But it was really interesting.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:04:37

I thought about what would life be like if I couldn't ever play the saxophone again. It really led to a lot of self-reflection. I was about 22 years old or so when this happened and I started thinking about what really matters in life and while, like, playing the saxophone was like central to my identity, I came to this conclusion that that wasn't what was the most important thing in life. So, by having music taken away, it kind of led to a level of like, well, what does matter the most? And what I realized is that love is what matters the most. To feel love, to have love, to be loved, is uh, my 22 year old self is what I discovered. So it's a little bit of a twist, because it was like when music was in a way taken away the ability to play the saxophone.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:05:24

So when I did, when I was able to return to playing the saxophone, I was consumed with gratitude. I was consumed with gratitude to be able to. It was definitely, it was definitely a get, and that treasure of being able to perform, but not just perform for others, but music is so a healing for ourselves. You know, whether you play guitar or piano or just sing or sing in the shower, it's healing for us. The process of making music and literally singing is incredible, because when we sing and we really open up, we are literally igniting the vagus nerve. So this is an unbelievable healing. Your body is healing when you're singing. Isn't that amazing?

Erin: 1:06:11

That is amazing.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:06:12

I thought about like choirs, right? So you think about a group of people singing together and you, often, when you listen to a choir, you feel this presence, this kind of energy, and people that sing in choirs often feel really connected to each other, right? It's that vulnerable experience. When you are a vocalist, there's nothing in between who you are and the music you're creating. When I play the saxophone, I have this chunk of metal which feels like an extension of me, but it's not me. But when you sing, that's who you are. It's very courageous.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:06:42

But when we breathe together which musicians do, whether you're in a band or a choir we breathe, we breathe in. I call it the Upbeat!. The up is when we breathe in and the downbeat is on the exhale. When you breathe together, you actually feel more connected, and there's a reason. That happens is because when you're breathing together, you're creating oxytocin, or oxytocin is created, and oxytocin is a brain chemical that connects us. It's the feeling you get with like a puppy that you're petting and you cuddle, or that feeling we all have with like holding a baby, that like like closeness it's like it's because it's all this oxytocin that's created.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:07:24

So when we, when we sing together, there's like this overwhelming flood of oxytocin that everyone's experiencing, and it's magnified because it's in a group setting, and so the ability to be able to connect and make music with others is another just beautiful pathway for healing, whether it's the loss of a loved one or the loss of a pet.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:07:47

And one of the deepest losses my wife and I went through about three years ago now was the loss of our dog, olive, and we got Olive from a pet rescue in January 2020. And, of course, this was before the pandemic, but she was with us for only two years and she was only about five and a half years old when she passed, which was way too young. But she was the first indoor dog we ever had and the first time we ever had sleep in our bed, and since we don't, we don't have children. So for us it was, she was our baby, and we just had this incredible connection with her, as if she was like she was an angel, and when we lost her it was, you know, one of the deepest grieving moments I've ever gone through, but music was a way for me to kind of tap into my grief and listening to music that moves me, like Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber. Yeah, sometimes you just need to feel into that sadness by Samuel Barber.

Erin: 1:08:48

Yeah, sometimes you just need to feel into that sadness and it's okay. It is okay and we actually have that conversation a lot Kellie and I do on and off air about. It's okay and everybody's grief journey is very uniquely theirs and you referenced this before that it's okay to be up in all those feels and in all of that emotion. And there's no timeline on grief. There's no right or wrong. And I think it was Ginny Thomas that also said don't make your grief. Or maybe it was Wendy and her episode that said don't make your grief, my grief and my grief is not your grief, right? And that's exactly what Kellie and I realized when we started having these conversations about experiencing the loss of our mom the same loss in wildly different ways. We had very different experiences. We're seven years apart and we're different human beings, we're wired differently. And Marcus said something really incredible that has resonated with me deeply actually since the moment he said these words and he said you can turn grief into gratitude as soon as you choose to, and it was such a powerful statement and, again, there's no timeline on that, but we've talked a lot today about that choice and it's okay to choose to sit in the heaviness of grief when you need to do that and it's also okay to find the joy and smile when you do that. I really hope that our listeners continue to take that little nugget away from our episodes to just allow them their grief to be very uniquely their own.

Kellie: 1:10:51

On the heels of that, Erin, I'm really glad, Matthew, that you brought up the intensity of the feeling and the emotion of the loss of Olive, and the reason is anybody who has ever had a pet that once in a lifetime pet dog, cat, turtle, bird, fish, whatever it may be and especially sharing that you know you don't have children, and so she was she really filled that spot in your hearts. People really feel that at a very, very deep and intense level and I've seen that too with our own son, Reis, and his beautiful girlfriend Molly. She adopted a rescue dog, frank, a big American bulldog, and he'd been at a drug house and had been abused and he was running the streets of Western Colorado and she saw him and they kept trying to catch him and they did and she literally left, work and drove and didn't leave until they let her take Frank home with her. And when Reese came into Molly's life, frank had a really hard time accepting Reese because he had. He became Molly's child right.

Kellie: 1:12:15

Those two were extremely bonded and then Reis and Frank built their relationship and Frank died very unexpectedly just about a year ago and those two human beings loved that dog like a child and they miss him still to this day. Like a child he filled a huge place in their hearts. Erin and I have experienced that with some of our own pets and so that is a real, real, tangible loss for a lot of people, and the way that you described music helping you move through that grieving process was really beautiful, and I'd love to know if you have any advice for listeners who can use music as a tool for healing, growth or mindfulness in their own everyday losses.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:13:15

Yeah, I'm just so glad that we're talking about these very real, authentic topics that touch everyone. But not everybody ever talks about these things.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:13:23

I just love what the two of you are doing. One thing that can be really special is if you can think of music that maybe connected you and the person you lost. Maybe you used to listen to music together, or maybe there's a song that makes you think of that person.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:13:44

Because I think, Erin, it is so important to remember, to remember the memories, the funny times, the hard times, all of it, everything, anything that makes you connect and feel connected to that person, because, yes, their body has left the earth, but I don't think their spirit has. Their spirit lives in you, and that music can really help you stay connected, which is what I think we all want to do is stay connected, and music is an incredible connector. Maybe it is the ultimate connector. It's like the glue or the binds us together with those memories, those common memories. So that's what that's what I would share with with listeners is find music that makes you remember that person and maybe, if you want to dance, dance, if you just want to listen and reflect, awesome. But use music to continue to remember who they are and who they were.

Kellie: 1:14:40

What about some actionable tools or daily practices that people can start to integrate more music into their life? And then, on the heels of that, I would love to have you give us some background about how Upbeat! became kind of your calling card. Your, what is that... What am I... What's the word I'm looking for? It's your name for everything, because there's a really fun story.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:15:13

Nice, yes, there really is. There really is. Well, accepting that music is meaningful and powerful and purposeful, it can make a huge difference in your life. Some of us can just build music into your life as a practice. So you know we've heard of like habit stacking. So, like now, if you're working out, make music part of that. If you enjoy reading and the light music helps, you know focus, include music there. You know music impacts people in different ways. Sometimes music can help people focus. Some people it's a distraction because they listen to the music and they can't do the work. So find out what works for you. But I love this idea of the soundtrack of our life. Think about the soundtrack of your day.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:15:58

You know how can music help you, energize you? Some people know that after lunch they have a decline in energy. Well, if you know that but you need to get your energy up choose music to listen to. Oh, that's going to pump you up and music can impact, as we even said, at a cellular level. There's a reason we feel energized when we listen to Upbeat! music and there's a music that touches our heart strings when we want to just have that reflective time. So choose music to listen to, almost like your playlist for yourself, and it's going to ask you to. You know, listen to different types of music and just notice how you feel. How does this make me feel? You can even journal on it Listen to different styles and how does it impact me. What am I noticing inside? And then including that in your daily routine and it'll be amazing to see the impact. It's your daily fulfillment.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:16:55

I think including music, yeah.

Kellie: 1:16:58

And how about journaling, the practice of journaling, and do you journal to music?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:17:05

I personally don't. I want to share for me, as a musician who's conducting music, studying music, listening to music so much I also value and treasure silence, like very intentional about silence, and I think that's important because music is actually painted on a canvas of silence.

Kellie: 1:17:24

Oh, that's so beautiful. That is so beautiful. Will you repeat that?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:17:29

Yeah, so music is painted on a canvas of silence. So you think about that, the composer, and see, music, we think, is just pure sound all the time. But it's not Great. Music has repose and moments of silence, like I just conducted a concert a couple of days ago and there's these incredible like impact climax points. There might be a fermata where the music holds out, sustains a chord, and then we release and then you just listen to the chord resonate and it might be followed by literal silence and then you breathe and you bring the music back in, and so there's an alternation between silence and sound. But music always starts from silence and then it stems from being painted on the canvas of silence, and so in my own life I really treasure and value silence. See, our lives right now are so much louder than they ever were. You know, if we could go back 500 years ago, you know pre-technology that we think of today.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:18:28

Just think about how much more in tune we were with nature. I had big construction happening out in front of my house right now. In fact I had to like get the tractors to move out of the way so they could pull out of my driveway this morning, and it's just constant, loud. And then think about all the electronic noises we hear. So you have to be intentional to have spaces of silence and in that silence, actually, when you start to like it's almost like listen to the silence, you will hear the music within the silence. For example, I like to begin the morning now that the weather is nicer. I like to meditate outside.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:19:04

I like to begin the morning now that the weather is nicer, I like to meditate outside and I begin my morning meditating barefoot, with my feet on the on the grass is how we really connect and center, if we can connect to nature. Our bodies are meant to to be that way, to connected and barefoot on the soil, and so I make a start, start of the day that way. But when I close my eyes, even though you know you might think it's silent, you realize no, it's not silent, but you know what I hear? I hear the birds, I hear the rustle of winds.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:19:31

I hear a squirrel running across the top of the fence, right that you know, and the rustle in in the leaves and the trees, and then you start to realize that life is music, right, and music's all around us. If we just open up our ears, it doesn't have to be an instrument or voices. Even in New York City, with all the noises there the traffic, the honking of the horns if you just close your eyes and listen to it, it can become a symphony of sounds. And so, once you realize that music is everywhere, whether it's formal music or just this collection of sounds, you can hear music all around you.

Kellie: 1:20:39

I love that you brought up nature, because we like to spend a lot of time in nature and I find that listening to everything that you just described, but particularly the songs of birds, the communication that they have with each other, the beauty that they're emitting out into the world, is such a great way for me to connect in what isn't silent but it's silence. It's not instrumental music, but it's the music of nature, and Marcus sent this to me actually just yesterday. Listening to birds reduces cortisol, slows your heart rate and triggers parasympathetic calm. Why? Because for over 100,000 years, bird song meant you're safe. Your body still remembers, wow.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:21:31

That's absolutely right. Yeah, I actually just read something very similar to that in a beautiful book called Three Simple Steps, and he was literally talking about Trevor Blake I think he's the author and he literally talked about the exact same thing that we are connected to bird songs. Yeah, it reminds us that we're safe, isn't that amazing?

Erin: 1:21:50

Very cool. That is really cool. For me, one of my favorite nature sounds is running water. So I like being like by a river or creek, like I love that sound of running water to me, that there's a lot of music in that for me.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:22:12

Absolutely. Water is very calming and grounding, especially for folks like me that are very driven and we think about, like, the different elements. An acupuncturist that shared that I'm wood energy if you think of Chinese medicine, wood energy, which is very like, can get very top goal oriented Right. And she actually advised me Matthew, you need to spend a lot more time near water to to kind of balance me out.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:22:39

So when I lived in Fort Collins, I would go on purposeful walks by the river for that reason and anytime I'm near a lake I'm jumping in or the ocean is just so soothing, and I will even sometimes, if I'm by a creek or something, I'll actually literally do a video recording, even if it's like 90 seconds, so that I can go back and listen to that, that sound of the water. You know, I think we come from the water, so we're just naturally connected and you're right, there's so much, there is so much music in the bubbling and the movement of the water and it's it's always changing. Yeah, like if you really got into this, never the same, it's always slightly different.

Erin: 1:23:16

Yes.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:23:17

The ocean waves change every time.

Erin: 1:23:19

Exactly, Matthew.

Erin: 1:23:31

I would love for you to share with us and with our listeners. How can we all live more Upbeat!?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:23:34

Yeah, I love that, Erin. I'll share a little bit of a background on how the idea of Upbeat! even came to me, because it's really amazing and and it follows my lovely, beautiful wife Merilee too as just creative inspiration. And so here's how it came to be. I was fascinated with the topic of creating positive cultures in music, in music education, and I was invited to give a talk in Utah in early 2018. And my talk was titled "Creating a Positive Culture in Band, and I'd spent some time interviewing various band directors and asking them that question hey, what do you do to create a positive culture?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:24:15

I create a positive culture. But they all kind of came up with something that they were proud of, that they felt created a positive culture. So I was kind of integrating all that plus all my research on culture, bringing it all together, but I thought that's an okay title. But I want something with a little more pizzazz. You know, like how some restaurants just come with like a one word name and it's so cool, like this breakfast place in Colorado called Snooze. I'm like brilliant, right, plus it's really good. But you know, a lot of restaurants are coming with like these one words and there's so many cool names of restaurants there and often they're just one word, right, it could be a coffee shop or it could be like a food place, just super unique. And so I said to Marilee and I was literally in this location where I am right now, so I'm literally in our dining room, dining room table I was working on my computer that I'm facing right now and I was working on the slides and the presentation and I said to Marilee, who was just in this other room she was through, this door is the kitchen and I said to Marilee, I said, marilee, what do you think would be like a snazzy.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:25:23

One word title, just to make it a little more peppy. It one word title, just to make it a little more peppy. It's right now. It's called creating a positive culture and band. Do you have any ideas? And she comes into the, into this room where I'm at right now, and she just turns to me. She says, "hat about Upbeat!? And I just my jaw dropped, I slammed the table and I was like, oh my gosh, now she did not expect that kind of response. I mean, I was like over the moon, excited, as if, like you know, she, just like I don't know, discovered the cure to something you know and uh. And so she looks at me a little quizzically and says does it also have a musical meaning?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:26:03

So, just share that. My wife, you know, wasn't in band or choir orchestra growing up and and I always share, she is an amazing musician. Like you should hear her whistle like she can whistle any like classic rock piece, like perfectly on pitch, with all the nuances and stuff, and I'm like, wow, amazing. So so she is a great musician but just not trained right. So she says to me, does Upbeat! have a musical meaning? I'm like yes, and so this double entendre, because she just was sharing "Upbeat! as in positive, like a synonym for positive, like you think of an Upbeat! person. But I took it and ran with it. I was like no see, Upbeat! in music has tons of meanings.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:26:40

We might often think of Upbeat! as Upbeat! tempo, which we're going to think of as a faster tempo. Upbeat! music is usually, you know, quicker, right. And in music we might think of a tapping our foot on the downbeat. We tap our foot on the downbeat and then we lift it on the Upbeat!. So if you're tapping your foot to the music, boom, boom, boom, boom, you're literally experiencing the downbeat. When your foot touches the floor, foot comes up. That's called the and beat. So it's one and two and three and four and all the and beats are literally called Upbeat!, but here's the kicker.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:27:08

So glad you asked Erin. So the kicker is as a conductor, when we give the Upbeat! to a piece of music you may call it the preparatory beat, but I call it the Upbeat! we breathe in and then, when we breathe out, that's the symbol. And and when the hands come down to where we started, so we started what we call like the table, we lift up and then we return. And when we return to where we started, then the music's created, whether it's violin, string, orchestra or the band or the voices, all right happen on that downbeat. But here's the magic see, music's always created twice First in our head, in our mind we hear it first, and then it's created secondly with the voices or the instruments.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:27:53

Much like a composer composing a piece of music. They'll hear it in their head and then they write it down. So when I study a piece of music, my goal is to internalize the piece of music ahead of time. So when I stand in front of the band or orchestra or choir, I hear the music that I want to create first. I already hear the whole thing, or at least that first note. I want it to sound how I want the articulation to be I want, how I want the dynamics, the volume to be, the colors that I want, the music, the emotion, the mood, the energy that I want is all in the Upbeat!, for example. Like I could create joy with the Upbeat!. Like this, I could do something that's going to be maybe pain or angst, right, and I'm going to tap into that. I'm going to shift everything. So I'm going to right and just go to another place and now all of a sudden change the sound of the music, right, by the way, could you tell the difference?

Kellie: 1:28:46

Absolutely.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:28:47

Yeah. So the goal is to like, communicate all of that to the musicians and then they reflect it in their performance. So what I realized is I took that metaphor of the Upbeat!, where we hear it in our head first and then it's created. I thought, well, what if we took the Upbeat! outside of music for a moment? And I thought, well, you know, in sports the throw of the football is the Upbeat!, the catch is the downbeat. In basketball, the shot is the Upbeat!, the swish is the downbeat. In track and field relays, the handoff of the baton is the Upbeat! and the catch is the downbeat. And then I took it back into music catch is the downbeat. And then I took it back into music. I thought, well, the way the band, orchestra or choir takes the stage, is the Upbeat! to the performance? Right? And then I realized, like, the attitude we bring to any situation is the Upbeat!. So think, like the Upbeat! you bring to a music where the, the attitude you bring to a music where it's going to affect how that rehearsal goes, the attitude you're going to bring to a conversation with a friend Maybe you're meeting somebody for coffee Set your intention ahead of time.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:29:49

What intention do I want to create. What energy do I want to bring? That's setting your Upbeat!. Maybe it's a meeting with a client. Well, what attitude are you going to approach that client with? Maybe you're meeting a friend that you haven't talked to in years and you set your intention of what you want to create. That's your Upbeat!. The first thoughts we have in the morning upon waking are literally the Upbeat! to the day. Isn't that cool?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:30:14

Yes, we talked about gratitude a lot today and you mentioned that you begin the day with gratitude. Well, that's your Upbeat! and I'll share with people. The first thoughts that you greet the day is the Upbeat! to the day, but it also sets the trajectory for the rest of your day right, and that's why I also have a meditation routine before going to sleep and I and I reflect on what I'm grateful for, because that's priming, like your body and your mind, for a beautiful sleep also. So that's my Upbeat! to sleep and then my Upbeat! to waking up, and so your day is filled with Upbeat! to down, beats as you change events. So, like, maybe you have a meeting with a client, followed by a personal workout, followed by this, you know, whatever your different events in the day, you go pick up the kids or you make dinner, but you're all every day of an opportunity to choose your Upbeat!. So this comes down to this following theme that I share, which is our thoughts are the Upbeat! to our actions. Our attitude is our Upbeat! to any situation, and we choose our thoughts and our attitude.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:31:12

We choose our Upbeat! and that's how I've chosen to live my life, and Upbeat! is, rather than focus on what is wrong. Focus on what you want to create and think about that. That's even different than, rather than focus on what is wrong, focus on what is right, focus on what you want to create. That's a whole other level. That's being a solution finder. That's where you like see things differently when you get in that state of like, what do we want to create here? And that incites a whole different level of conversation where you can really you're living a legacy when you begin to live that way. It's about being a thermostat rather than a thermometer.

The Sisters: 1:31:55

Yes.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:31:56

And choosing to change the weather. By the way, I do want to share that Upbeat! isn't about ignoring the hard things in life. It's not about putting on rose colored glasses at all. It's not toxic positivity. It's about being real and authentic and recognizing that, yes, life is hard, but we can find a positive path forward. We can still find something to be grateful for. We can find a light pinprick of light in the darkness, and that's a beautiful thing, is? It just takes a little bit of light to transform darkness to light and you can be that light, and that's how you can live an Upbeat! life.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:32:31

Leadership always comes from within. Most of my leadership training is more about leading ourselves than even about leading others. I focus so much on the internal world first, because, really, how we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. How we lead others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. How we lead others is a reflection of how we lead ourselves, and so everything is like a manifestation of everything that's internal. So we begin with ourselves and then we can lift impact, inspire others.

The Sisters: 1:32:58

Wow. Thank you for sharing your whole self with us today. You're welcome for sharing your whole self with us today. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your passion, your motivation, your inspiration with us, with our listeners, and for making a difference in the lives of others every single day. You truly have dedicated your life to that, and I know that the takeaways from today's episode will be great for many. So, as we come to a close, we want to express our enthusiastic gratitude for the treasure of this conversation today, and the last thing we have for you as we close is do you have a P-I-G?

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:33:49

Well, I love purpose, intention, gratitude. I love that and I want to second it. And I do think about my purpose here and I think thinking about my purpose and lifting and encouraging others to achieve their full potential has been my purpose for many years and that gives me inspiration to wake up every morning, to show kindness, to encourage someone. And you don't have to get up and feel like you need to change the world, you just need to get up and show up and be all in, and when you do that and you live in purpose, you become a shining light for others and along the way, you'll be lifting others. I just love that idea.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:34:21

And then your whole thing about intention. That's completely in alignment with with Upbeat!, right, it's about being intentional. So many people live their life like a I call it like the pin, the pinball machine, like like the ball, and a pinball machine that's kind of seems so random, like boom, boom, boom, like you never know where it's gonna go. I know there's pros out there that I have the whole thing figured out, but when I play it it feels like you're always reacting and I don't want to live life reacting, I want to live life with intention. And yes, we can't control others, and that's important thing to realize in life. The only person you can change is yourself, with intention. But when you live with intention, then you can set your intention for the day.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:34:59

I want to be grateful, I want to show kindness, I want to lift others up, I want to encourage others. I want to lift others up, I want to encourage others. That's how we can be intentional and create what I call a ripple effect of positivity. And then, of course, it goes without saying, g for gratitude, amen. Just what a beautiful way to live our lives.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:35:19

I think gratitude is part of probably almost every religious text.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:35:21

You know, what's amazing is that even babies and children naturally show gratitude for each other. We are meant to do that as human beings. Sometimes we get away from that, so sometimes we just need a reminder, because that's truly who we are. We will resonate as who we're meant to be when we feel gratitude and share it. I think the world needs a lot more sharing of gratitude and a lot more sharing of celebrations for each other, because there's so many beautiful things happening in the world and I think that we are a lot more alike than we are different, even though it seems like there's forces out there that try as hard as they can to make us be divided and to highlight our differences. But there's love in everyone and there's beauty in everyone, and while we might not agree on everything politically or religiously, or how to raise a child or something like that, we still want the best for our kids and our family, and I just think that's important to remember that we are much more alike than different.

The Sisters: 1:36:18

I am so grateful for you, Matthew, and for your life and for the legacy that you are living. Thank you for sharing it with us today.

Dr. Matthew Arau : 1:36:27

You're so welcome. It's been a joy and an honor to spend time with both of you Folks. This has been such a great conversation. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. If you'd like to stay connected, I encourage you to go to powerofgetcom. It's so amazing. You're going to have an opportunity to take the Get Leadership Quiz. It's four questions and the responses are tailored to you. You'll get them and then I'll be able to stay in touch with you. You'll get to hear about all the upcoming events. I share weekly emails just encouragement and leadership tips. So that's fabulous. My website is Upbeat! and you may have fun perusing that as well, and I'm on all the socials, whether it's Facebook, linkedin or Instagram, and just love to be connected with you. So it's all about connection.

The Sisters: 1:37:48

Hearing the stories of others helps us create a more meaningful connection to our own. We hope today's conversation offered you insight, encouragement or even just a moment to pause and reflect on the story you're living and the legacy you're creating. If something in this episode moved you, please consider sharing it with someone you love. A small share can make a big impact. You can also join us on Instagram, facebook or LinkedIn and connect further at thepigpodcastcom. And if you're enjoying this podcast, one of the most meaningful ways you can support us is by leaving a five-star rating, writing a short review or simply letting us know your thoughts. Your feedback helps us reach others and reminds us why we do this work, because the PIG isn't just a podcast. It's a place to remember that, even in the midst of grief, life goes on, resilience matters and love never leaves. Thanks for being on this journey with us. Until next time. Hogs and kisses everyone.