Why They Left You (And What To Do With The Pain)

You gave your heart.
They pulled away.
Now you're left with silence… and pain that won’t explain itself.

In this episode of Sappy Hour, we unpack two real voicemails from people who got left — one ghosted after a deep connection, the other grieving a relationship that felt like forever.

But this isn’t just about them.
It’s about you.

• Why they left (and what it wasn’t about)
• What the pain is actually pointing to
• How to stop chasing clarity and start building self-trust
• The 6 steps to stop relapsing into heartbreak
• And the truth: your soul is trying to reroute you

If you’ve been left on read, left behind, or left wondering… this one is for you.

You’re not too much. You’re not too late. You’re not broken.

🥀 Call the Sappy Hotline → 888-444-9461
🎧 Watch & Listen on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Hit subscribe if you’re healing. I drop new episodes every Friday.

Real talk. Real hurt. Real hope. Mostly Vibes. 

Thanks for tuning in to JB Copeland's Sappy Hour.

If it moved you, made you think, or made you feel less alone — share it with someone you care about.

Sappy Hotline 888-444-9461

🎙️ Hosted by JB Copeland

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Welcome to sappy hour brought to you by intelligent change. It's Friday, people, and you might be listening to this or watching this and it's not Friday, but hey, we all love Friday, so let's just pretend it is Friday, even if it's not Friday. I got a really, really fun episode for us today. We're diving into sappy hotline calls two people left some amazing voicemails that I can't wait to dive into. And it's all around love, heartbreak, relationships, Girl problems, boy problems, whatever it might be. And I think all of us have been at this point to where we just don't know what to do, we don't know what to do, and we really want to know what to do, and so I can't wait for you to tune in. It's gonna be fun, and let's get to it. JB, I've been listening to your podcast, videos, Instagram reels, for a hot minute. It's really been helping me get through things I'm at a breaking point. I'm not gonna lie to you, man, it's been really hard lately. I feel like every time I get so close to achieving what I want, something just kind of knocks me out. My whole mindset going through a really rough breakup, and I'm just not sure how I get back on the wagon, man, like I really thought I was gonna marry this person getting older. I'm trying not to think about the concept of time either. That's always been the hard part. Just hoping maybe you could just sprinkle some wisdom of a kid living in New York trying to get out of the big city and find his purpose, find his way, and hopefully I find out that person that aligns with my values, dude. I hope you have a great day, great week, and just thank you. Like, seriously, thank you. Thanks for calling in, bro. I mean, you know when, when someone talks to you, or you hear someone's voice, or you can you connect with someone for the first time, you can just tell that they're a cool person. This is a cool dude right here, man, I'm, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm sorry that you're going through all this. And I get it because I've been there and it's like, you feeling like you're in this place to where it's like, you know you're doing the work, you're you're trying to keep it all together. And it's like, every time you start to gain some momentum, whether it's relationally or or in your life or financially or whatever, it's like, you keep on hitting the reset button, and I'm going to get into this with you. But this is a sign. This is this is this is your soul communicating to you. This is, this is your future self, like Interstellar, you know, in that scene, like this is what's happening. Is, is the reset button is, is grace. It's a grace. And I know you, I know you don't want to hear that right now, but this reset button is a grace, because everything in you, everything that you know, that you've been taught, that you've learned, that you know you're wanting to push and go this direction, whatever it might be, and every again, every time you gain that momentum, every time you're starting to step in that that direction, where you kind of feel, you know a little bit better, reset back to the beginning. And you're really never back to the beginning, but you're at a point of of resetting to where you're like, I don't understand well, it's because your your soul, is pulling you a different way, and because you know your higher self or or something bigger, or your soul cares about you so much, it's going to keep resetting, bro, it's going to keep resetting you like a video game back at this checkpoint, because Something has to shift. It might not be your actions. It might just be a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper. It might just be your beliefs about yourself. I have a lot that I want to say about this, and I have a lot that I'd like to share with you, on on as I'm doing this, but I want to hit this first. This is just personal for where I've been, because I really feel you. I feel you because I've been there. I know how you feel. It's just like over and over and over again, like again you're wanting to get back on the wagon. Life will continue to throw you off the wagon. When you're on a wagon that's not yours. It's what happens. Life will continue to throw you off the wagon for the wagon. If you're on the wagon that is not yours. And I say that, and you're probably like, well, it is my wagon. And a lot of times it feels like it when I say it's not your wagon, what I'm saying is the wagon. And and this place that you're going and what's carrying you, this, this deep down motivation, this belief, does not align with your value and the truth of who you are. What I'm trying to say is, I don't think that you understand how great you are. Usually, this is we just went, we just crushed all the other layers of getting down to this. This is the root you don't realize how valuable you are. And the reason the reset button keeps on being pushed over and over and over again is because your soul wants you to understand how dope you are, the value that you bring the reset button should become a reflection of why you aren't living life based on your truest values of who you really are. I said I was gonna get personal and tell, tell my own personal story about this, because this is, this is where I lived for a long time. Is like I was making decisions, I was living life. I was seeing life through a lens and doing these things, not understanding, not understanding how valuable I was. I had a lack mindset. I didn't understand everything that I could bring to the table, and I was operating from a place of not understanding that. And so I would go down these routes, and I'd be like, Okay, this is good, as you know, and it's like everything would just keep on falling apart. Because my my conscious beliefs and my subconscious beliefs were not allow aligned with my truest value. And so this reset isn't the end. It's actually the initiation from your soul that's asking you for something deeper. And I'm going to get into this. I want to talk a little bit more about the girl, but I'm going to get into this. What we need to do to not ignore this initiation from your soul, this reset from your soul. You don't want to ignore it a lot of times. That's what happens, is you ignore it, and you go down that route again, and then you get reset again this time, you're not gonna ignore it, and you're gonna listen to this reset. You're gonna listen to this reflection, you're gonna listen to this initiation, because what it's trying to teach you is how valuable that you are, and if you can understand how valuable that you are, then the decisions that you're going to make are going to be in line with your value, and life will start to open up, and it will start to flow, and you'll start to you'll start to track down that track of why you're here. And I want you to know this, that you're not behind. You are on divine time. And I just want to take away all that fear right now that you're behind in that, you know, I've been reset all these times, and it doesn't matter. It does you're on divine time. Everything in time, everything happens on time. I truly believe that, because there's something bigger than us, whether it's again, our soul, or something bigger the universe God that is directing what's going on here. And sometimes it takes a few resets for us to figure it out. It took me until I was 28 years old, 28 years old in the middle of of nowhere at a rehab, you know, taking care of horses every day. And at that time of that, that next reset. I mean, I my life is reset over and over and over. Up until that point, I didn't I didn't see it, I didn't understand it. And it's crazy, because what happens is when, when we get reset like this, what we want to do is we want to judge ourselves. We want to turn and point the finger at ourselves and say, What the hell is wrong with you when it when your soul is asking you to do the exact opposite. We can't hate ourselves. We can't judge ourselves into change. We have to love ourselves into change. And so when I was at my lowest in rehab, that would have been like probably the best place for me to be pissed off at myself, and I was for a little bit. I felt like I wasn't enough. I felt inadequate. I did, but I had to switch something in me. And so this is, this is the first thing about this that that I just wanted to share with you, and just give you a little bit of encouragement right now, is, number one, you're not behind. You're on divine time. And number two, it's time to have some grace with you. It's time to have some love for yourself. This is the perfect time for you to reassure yourself. This is the perfect time for you to talk nice to yourself. This is the perfect time for you to just be friends with you, bro, be friends with you. That. Bully in your head, that's not your voice, that's that's a voice of someone that was a bully, and that bully's voice has now become in your head what you think is your is your voice, but it's not. And so this is the perfect time to start not listening to that and start listening to the friend in you, because the only way to to truly let this initiation begin is for you, for you to be able to to pause and understand that everything in divine time, I'm right on track, you're right on track. And the other part is to look at yourself nicely, to talk to yourself nicely. That's what's going to start this, this whole process here, is you being nice to yourself, Man, you're you're not in a rush. There's no urgency. Can calm down. You're, yeah, you could go and do something else and but you're gonna get reset again. You there's a lesson here that you have to, that you have to catch, and you and you will catch it if you relax and you start being nice to you, like anytime those guilty feelings start to come in, anytime you start to feel that self hatred, anytime you start to man, that's that's not you, that's not you talking to you. Just tell it. Just say, Please be quiet. Remind yourself, have gratitude towards yourself. And so I say all that to say there's a couple things I want to get into. You talked about, you talked about a girl. We're going to talk about that. And then I'm going to give you the six steps. I'm kind of just coming out with the six steps of initiation, like following that soul's initiation, because that's where you're at. You don't want to go. This is a breaking pattern moment. You don't want to go back into, you know, what you just came from, and get reset again. You want to break that pattern and let all of this happen like this, this road of authenticity, like this, new path begin to open up, and there's a way that you do that. So we're going to talk about the girl, and then we're going to talk about the path. First off, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro, like, I'm sorry. It's gut wrenching. Doesn't feel good. And here's the thing is, I understand the story that you begin telling yourself, the identity that was it's not just about you losing her. It's about the story that you told yourself while you were with her, the identity that you formed while you were with her, the affirmation it gave you to be with her, that you were accepted, that you were loved, and it's like it's ripped out of you. It's it's reset, and this is the part of the reset that I'm talking about. But what happens when when someone leaves, is we're left with this emptiness, and that's what you feel right now. You're confused because you keep on getting reset, and you're empty because the person that you really loved or liked, or I don't know how, left, and so you feel like a failure. Just being honest, that's what you feel like. You feel like a failure because number one, things aren't working out. And number two, the girl's not working out. What's wrong with me? That's the questions that you're asking yourself, what's wrong with me? And obviously the truth is, is that there's nothing wrong with you, but that's just the that's what's going on in your head right now, but you're left with this emptiness. And the number one thing we want to do when we feel empty is fill it. We want to fill that void. When things are reset, we want to start building again. When there's emptiness within us, we want to fill it with whatever, whether it's another girl, whether it's work, whether it's drugs, whatever, whatever, we want to fill it. But here's the thing is, there's so many things to say here, but this is what I want to tell you. And I'm not trying to like, be a dick at all, and I'm not trying to like not validate you whatsoever. But what I'm but what I want to tell you is you are right where you need to be, dude, you're right where you need to be. It's a new beginning. This is a beautiful thing, and I know it's hard to redefine that, and I know it's hard to reframe that in your brain right now, because there's pain, and that pain is so real. But beyond that pain, and beyond that loss, and beyond, you know the self judgment that you feel, which is all layer one, a couple layers down, is a beautiful new beginning, like you are in a great place. And here's the thing is when things fall apart, they fall into place. The moments in my life where I had the biggest breakdowns felt like a loser. I lost everything was the moment when the breakthrough began. This emptiness is just the infancy of the life that you've dreamed of. And what happens is, you've probably had this chance many times in your life where you felt this emptiness, you had this reset button, and you didn't understand this and all of it again. We have to go through these resets over and over again to finally get it. But what happens is, we kill its infancy because we fill it with something that's not going to feed it. You it, we restart, and we start doing the same thing with the same beliefs that we had, and we're reset back to where we just were months ago. And so you're in a perfect position to sit with this emptiness and figure out, what do I need to give it to grow it? Because emptiness isn't just emptiness. It's the infancy. It's the space and infancy of the life that you've dreamed of. And so you have to go along it, and you have to, you have to take care of this emptiness. You have to take care of the this infancy. It's like a garden. It's like a plant, it's like a little baby that you have to take care of. And I'm sure this girl was so important to you. I'm sure she was so important to you. But some people are here for just seasons and just reasons. And here's the thing, and I'm not trying to, like, you know, give anyone false hope, but sometimes the time is just not right. Sometimes, sometimes we're not in a place to have that again, we get reset. We things, things are empty within us, because we have to go through a molding process to understand who we really are, and then that door opens back up, or you go through that process and you realize that wasn't a good fit. And so you're not at a you're at a place of loss, but you're not at a place of loss, you're at a place to where there's space in you to gain everything that is for you and and so kind of what you said on the phone was, you know, you want to get back on the wagon. And I'm here to say, No, don't. Don't, don't get back on the wagon. Don't get back doing the same things that you were doing. There's something here that needs to be dealt with. There's something here that needs to change, and all it is is your belief in you, how you see yourself. And the girl was probably like a very again, I'm sure it was a really great relationship, and I know she meant the world to you, but that was probably also a factor, a numbing factor, that was keeping you from facing the beast within, from facing these beliefs that you have to face right now, and in the nicest way possible to say this, there's a Reason for you guys not being together right now. There's a reason for it, and I think that it ties into this bigger theme in your life that you're going through right now, which is figuring out, like what's malfunctioning at a subconscious in a deeper level, what is for you is waiting for you to understand how great that you are. So I just want you to be encouraged by this. I know I don't want to be insensitive, because I understand the feeling of loss and grief, and I understand the feeling of like building and then being reset and all of these things. And I'm not trying to just, like, be happy, happy, put a smile on. It's all going to be good. No, like, I get that. Like, that hurts, and you've gone through that, but, but there's a reason for it, and things work together for you, not against you. And I really want you to believe that things are working in your favor. Things are working out in your favor. And sometimes we have to experience this grief and this loss for us to be able to face the the truth that is going to take us into this next season of our life that's going to that's going to uncover and give us clarity to who we really are. So all of that that you said, I understand, but I feel like what I'm supposed to do is I'm supposed to say, Hey, don't get back on the wagon. Your soul is telling you something. There's something to be learned. In this time about you, and it's something really good that you can't, haven't come to terms with that you haven't. It's something about how amazing that you are, that once you understand it and once you believe it, it's going to reshape everything about your life. It's going to reshape the decisions that you make. It's going to reshape the friends that you have, all of it, and when you start making decisions from this place and this person that is the truth and in alignment with who you are, again, that life that you've always wanted comes to pass. It comes to fruition because you're making decisions in alignment with that. And so this loss, this grief, it's just part of the play. It's just part of it, but it's only temporary. It won't feel like this forever. This this loss, is the miracle grow that will grow you into the person that gains that that gets what's his, that gets what is theirs, that lives a life that you've always wanted. So I'm going to give you six steps on not getting back on the wagon. I'm going to give you six steps for listening to that initiation, that reset, that reflection from your soul, because that's where you're at right now. Just sit in it. Stay there. Number one, and this takes a little bit of time, and a lot of people skip it, is honor the ruins. Honor it and and you're doing that right now with this call. You're honoring it, you're feeling it, you're grieving it. You don't have to do anything. You just have to process it. Let yourself process it. Let yourself process the loss. Let yourself process the reset. Let yourself process you're not being with this girl anymore. And kind of what I said at the beginning of me answering this is like there's a way that you honor it, and you honor it with a out of self love and out of a lack of urgency. So you honor that by giving yourself time because you're on divine time, and you honor that by being nice to yourself and not buying into that voice that is destructive to you. And when you have that friend in your head, and you have that person that's on your side, that understands that your intentions are good, that understands that your effort is there, that understands that you know, that understands your dreams, that's, that's the truest you, that's that's helping, that will help you grieve this scenario, that will help you honor the scenario out of truth. A lot of times we grieve things, and we we do it in a dishonoring manner to ourselves. We do it in a dishonoring manner towards the loss and and by the time we're done processing we just hate ourselves more. And that's not the goal of this. The goal of this is to process this without the self judgment that you've probably dealt with your whole life. And that takes courage, and that takes some action. It takes correcting. It takes accountability. You're correcting that critic in your head. You're correct. You're sharing the truth. And listen, all of us have done things that are wrong. We've all messed up there. You might have messed up in the relationship. You might have messed up building this thing. Listen, we're going to look past that. We're going to look past that, and we're going to look at your heart, and we're going to look at your intentions. You're a good dude. You're a cool dude. You want good. You want good for yourself. You want good for others. I know that I can hear it, and so don't during this process of of honoring it, and don't fall into this hole of you just hating on you. Don't fall into this hole of thinking about all the things that you could have done better, don't fall, fall into the hole, of thinking about all the things that you jacked up on, honor it by loving yourself, giving yourself the time to grieve and honor this is going to be the most important thing for you to do to start this and again, and I want to remind you, you do that with a lack of urgency, because you're right on Time. And you do that with Love towards yourself, Love towards yourself. And here's the thing is, you will reflect, and you will see, as you're growing, you will see things that you could have done better, but you're not going to judge yourself. You're just going to learn from it. Okay? And so that's step one, give yourself the time to honor the ruins. Number two, you gotta reclaim your energy. And after a breakup and after a reset, we we tend to that energy that we have starts to leak everywhere. You know, we're checking their socials, we're replaying conversations in our head, all the things, and it kind of goes back to what I just said. I'll. All the things it's you recap you. You reclaim that energy by being nice to you. You have to start detoxing from what was just just pull that energy back, bring that energy back here, and don't give it to things that aren't going to help you. Don't give it to the things that that are going to make you doubt yourself. Don't give it to the things that are going to make you question yourself. Don't do it. Reclaim that energy, clean that up whatever that looks like your your mind needs room to recenter. You have to give yourself. And again, this emptiness that I'm talking about gives you space to do that. You have space to recenter. You become your own force of gravity. You are your own center of gravity, gravity, and you're learning that right now. You're learning that you don't need this, and you don't need that to be your source of gravity. You are your source of gravity. Reclaim that energy, reclaim that and be that for yourself. And maybe you could start the day off with the question. You could just say, what do I need to do to be my source of gravity, to be my own center of gravity today? What I need to do and answer that question? Do I need to not tune into this? Do I need to not fall down that line of thinking, Do you know? Keep yourself accountable. Keep that energy here, reclaim it. Number three is you got to move your body through it. Okay, I'm, I'm a big believer that things aren't just to be thought about. This is also physiological. You got to start. And I don't know what your life is like, but man, you need to start. Probably going on walks, taking runs, work out, sweat it out, get in the sauna. Like one thing that I did in rehab that that changed my life was, sometimes it's hard. We're stuck in this, you know, place to where we feel like shit, and we don't know what to do. And in the best first step is getting physically active. When I was in rehab, the only thing I could do was go work out. I just went and worked out. I would sweat. I would go on long walks. I would connect with nature. And it was a thing that I had to do, and it kind of taught me how to surrender. It kind of taught me how to just be okay with being present and in the moment, like it's the one thing that can that you have control over, you have control over your body, you have control over your movement. You have control, if you can, you know, sweat, you have control of, you know, over your breath. Like, that's going to be really important for you to, like, really again, regain that dominance that you have as a person and even as a man, and start getting after it in the gym. Start getting after it with running, whatever you want to do. I don't care if it's yoga, whatever you want to do that. That is that for me, it's ice bath and sauna and and lifting weights. And it's the one thing that helps me sinner when you, when you release like that, and you're, you're moving and you're sweating and you're, you're giving that physical energy, it also can create clarity. It's a very it's a very important thing. All of these things are connected. So get back in the gym number four, and this starts to be where you begin to reflect is, is is you got to get honest with yourself about what your values are. Who are you? What? What makes you you? What? What do you want out of life? Who are you? You have to ask yourself these things. You got to get honest with yourself. You're at this place of emptiness and and maybe you've been living off the values of other people for so long, and and what they said about you, and what they said Your life should look like. Well, now you're at a place as a man or as a human, to where you have to begin to create your own value. What's important to you, what is important to you? Ask yourself, what, what do I truly believe? Ask yourself, what, what kind of woman do I want? What kind of relationship do I want? What? What are the values that I want her to have? What? What are my my values around relationships? Ask yourself, what are the values of life? What's important to you? What, what gets your heart beating? What? What's something that's that sparks fire in you? Write those values down. Begin to understand. And this is a time of connecting with that truest you, of what makes you excited about life? What are those values that you love? You're you're in a reset again. You're in a reset. You're in a new building phase, and you're building your own building. You're not going to someone else's. And this is what laying the foundation looks like. Is is getting honest with yourself, of what are my values? Who am I? Number five is create something new. And when I say this, it can be art, it can be but really, what I think is the best thing to do is create routine. Create routine. Routine is your best friend. You. Yeah, so create a routine that's not impossible. Like, don't, you know, don't, don't set yourself up for failure. But, like, what is something that you can do every single day that grounds you? What's something that you can do every single day that that brings you to the present? You know, make sure working out is a part of that. But maybe it's working out. Maybe it's some breath work. Maybe breath work. Maybe it's, you know, a walk in the city, or a walk in Central Park, or whatever it might be. Create a routine and keep that routine. It's really important and and something I want to add to this is sometimes in these moments of where you're at, we want to control what's not ours to control. And and what's happening in this time of renewal and rebuilding in a way that we're trying to is we're learning how to surrender what's not ours to control. We're learning to surrender what's not ours. The only control that you have right now is self control. You don't have control over the girl. You don't have control over what you're going to do next. You don't have control over the job that you're going to have. Your only control right now is self control, the working out, the routines, the values, the honoring of the ruins, the reclaiming of your energy. You're cleaning up shop within. You're cleaning up shop within. And what happens is we can get to this place to where we're doing all this, and then we got to start grabbing outwardly, and we want to start controlling externally, what's happening and doesn't work that way. How it works is we clean up what's within, and then doors start to open. I like to say, I'll take care of the natural, and God can take care of the supernatural. I can take care of the self control of me. I'm going to take care of me. I'm going to be I'm going to be on point. But God can take care of everything else, the things that are you know, six months down the road that I don't even know about, something bigger is working for you. Something bigger is opening doors for you, but it's not going to open the doors for you until you reclaim again your soul, till you, till you reconnect with who you are. And that's what this is right now, is reconnecting with who you are. And that leads me to number six, and it's the last one, sit in silence for at least 20 minutes a day. And this is the hardest thing, and I still have trouble with it. I still have trouble with it. Drink, mellow. It's great. If you like watermelons, which is watermelon juice, but I still have trouble with this, because it just is so against the grain. It's so against culture. But I saw this thing. I can't remember the video, but I don't remember who said it, but it said, if there was one thing that I could tell, it's from like, the 1960s if there's like one thing I could tell people, if they feel stuck, if they feel broken, if they feel empty, if they feel like life's not working out, okay, sit in silence for 20 for 20 minutes a day, the first five minutes, five to eight minutes, Your your mind's gonna be everywhere and what you're doing. You're training yourself to get quiet, and then what happens in minute 1015 is you start getting the answers that you're looking for. You're you're sitting with something bigger. You're sit we're so busy, and we're on our phones, and we're that we don't sit in silence and receive from something bigger. Maybe it's, it's your soul that you're trying to I don't know what you believe. It doesn't really matter. Just sit in silence for 20 minutes a day, and the revelation and the clarity that you will gain from that will be insane. And so, man, I'm just, I'm proud of you. Thank you for calling in. Listen, life's about to get really good. This is just what happens when things fall apart. They actually are falling into place. And so I just want to say that I'm excited for you. I'm excited for your life. I'm excited for where things are going and and give yourself a chance here. Don't fill this don't fill the void this time. Don't hop back on the wagon. It's time to build your own it's time to build your own force. It's time to understand who you are. And if you, if you can do these steps and they're I know that there's simple things, and it's not like some mind blowing thing. Simplicity is how it's supposed to be. It's simple. And the only way that you can really begin to understand who you are is giving your space, yourself space to understand who you are. Give yourself the fighting chance in this world of craziness and and you're gonna know, yeah, I'm not saying. Saying, like you're going to know what to do. Give you do this a couple weeks, you're going to know what to do. And since I want this to be a radio show, so what I'm about to do is I'm just going to, since I want this to be a radio show, I'm going to play a song, and then after this song, we'll come back and we're going to do another sappy hotline, voicemail, check it out. Race, cars outside. I need a face driving my space. Get up my space. Get up my face with it you I can't believe we made it this far. I can't believe we made it his fault. I can believe we made it as far. I can believe we made it his fault. I can believe I made it his fault. Made it this far together. Too much, I got me gone. Nothing. I fell on my face. Story on this wonderful song, I ran all my shit. I ran off to a degree. I can't do something. I gotta watch my kid. I gotta watch my shit. I gotta watch my sis. Everything is better way, man. I we made it this far. Can't believe that we made it this far. Look, Mama, now your son is the star. Can't believe that we made it this far, standing on the shoulders and gone. Life gets wrong. I think about everybody I've been scarred from I ain't broke bread, even though I should have starved them. I'm going out of here Angel, angels. Carly fiam is calling. I put them on three way, baby. I've been keeping them shortest with me on vero land. I love that song. It's called 24 songs. I love that song. It's one of my favorites. All right, let's hop back into this. Okay, here we go. I went out with this girl that I met on hinge. I really didn't expect anything of it, like we didn't really speak much. We just planned to me, and to my surprise, like she just got out of a five year relationship, she moved to Washington from Florida. She enjoys building truck conversions, flying drones, traveling, exploring, watching anime. And like, the energy was just, so, I don't know, magnetic, and everything was great on her first date, you know, then it was just kind of silence for a little bit. She did mention she's a bad texter. She prefers calls. She's busy with work. Has a lot. Of stuff going on, but we ended up going on a second date again. It's great. Went for record shop, went for lunch. We found out that we listened to the same flow key artist like it was just a lot of signs kind of presented. And at least I thought then it was again, silence. I hit her up on my birthday. I didn't tell her it was my birthday. I asked her she wanted to meet up, and we did. And it was great, you know, a little back story. She did say she wasn't ready for anything. You know, she had a lot going on, and she was, you know, too, used to focusing on work, and she wanted to focus on work, and she wanted to be friends now, okay? But then we hung out on her birthday and on my birthday and again, started kissing everything was great, holding hands, jamming out of the car. Got home, I told her, thank you for making my birthday the best birthday. And she even ended it with good night, my love and silence for days after such a great day thinking that things are going to turn around and hit her up again, and she basically just, there's no effort. It's just like, Yeah, let's see when we can see each other again, that kind of thing. But it's just so odd to me that, you know, in person, everything can seem so good and so great, and then she just like completely pulled away. And, you know, for me, I I use it as a lesson, because I still used to live in my nine to five every day looking for a normal life, and she sparked that adventure in me. But I just don't understand why she would leave me on like this. We're both 28 and any, any, any insight would be helpful. Thanks for calling in brother. Uh, man, mixed signals, bro. We hate them. We hate them. And the thing that, the thing that sucks with this is, you know, it seems promising. It you know, she likes the same things that you like. You got the same music taste. She likes anime like plus one. That's great, but the consistency is not there, and I'm not here's the thing is, I bet she was honest with you. She's honest with you that she likes you. She's honest with you. When she called you my love, she was honest with you. And you know you guys kissed. And those are really special moments for for you and and those are special moments for her too. But here's here's the scenario, and she even told you this was that she's not ready to open her heart up like that. And that's something else that she was honest about, was that she doesn't want anything too deep, and that just kind of puts you in a weird situation. Because, you know, you're 28 years old, you're looking for something that feels aligned. And I get it, you know, I've been with my wife for almost six years, and I remember like you're you're yearning for something that's deeper. You want that connection, and you're in a place to open up your heart, and she's not, and it sucks even more when she's chill and she's cool and you feel like there's, there's a spark there. And here's the thing is, I'm sure she's a great girl and and you know, she's left you on red, she's you have these moments that you're looking back at in person, and it's like, This is it? She, you know, she likes me back, like, this is chill, but then, but then she's not texting you back, and there's silence there. And so that is just, that's just her communicating back to you that, like she's not ready, that she doesn't want this, that she is not looking for this. And here's the thing is, is you can't, if you want to look at it from this point of view, is, is you don't know what she's been through to get her to this point. You don't know what that five year relationship was like, you don't know the insecurities that she has. You don't know the lack of trust that she has when it comes to relationships. And so there might be a lot there that you haven't seen over the three times you guys have hung out over whatever period of time that was, but there's a lot there that you have zero clue about, that you haven't seen. And there's probably a lot that she's got a process through, and a lot that she's got to work through and a lot of you know healing and evolution that needs to take place in her life, because as of right now, she's closed off. She can't accept the love that you want to give. She's She's cutting that off before it even happens. Because obviously. There's a trust issue. Obviously it's a trust there's an abandonment issue. There's there's an inadequacy, inadequacy issue in her like, obviously there's something that's fueling her that has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with you. You're, I can already tell you're, you're a dope dude, and I'm sure that she had the time of her life. And so the way that you're confused is the same way that she's confused, and it's nice that she was honest with you and said that she's not ready, because based off of her action, she's not, based off of her action, she's not and I think that's just as who you are and the man of the situation, and you have to let her be where she is, because you have no control over that, especially at this point in the game. You know, y'all have hung out three times and but she has to come to the grips and come to the understanding that that she's got some stuff to work through. Because, again, this has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with with what she's been through, and so that can give you some empathy for the situation, a bit if you if you're looking at her, you know you might feel confused, you might feel a little angry, but if you can look at her again, I think she was honest with the things that happened, with the Holding hands, the kiss, but something, there's a barrier for her that she's not ready to break down yet. And so, you know, maybe it's the right girl the wrong time, or maybe it's the wrong girl, you have no clue but, but that's not your thing to figure out here your thing is, is to focus on yourself and make the best decision for yourself right now and then. What's for you will be for you. The girl of your dreams will be the girl of your dreams, and she's gonna she will enter into your life. If it's this girl, if it's another girl, like you can't overthink this. You can't get to a place to where you're trying to control this. It's not yours to control. You can only control what you can control here. And right now, you find yourself in a place to where there's feelings towards her, like you've opened that part of your heart, you've you've had that. I mean, she spent, you spent your birthday with her. It's completely understand. You spent your birthday with her, and now you're confused. You're confused because what happened in person isn't what's happening digitally, like there's no connection outside of that. And listen, you can't let yourself dabble in confusion, man, you can't. You're on a higher plane than that. You can't this relationship, this thing that's happening, it it's not feeding you in a healthy way. And so you're going to have to kind of put the foot down here, not with her, but but with yourself. Because I, I hear you like you want this to work, but listen, she can't give you what you need you. She can't give you what you deserve right now. And and the other part of this is, is you know that you can give her what she deserves and what she needs, but she doesn't want to accept it, and that's just humans being humans. Man. So you're at a place to now or just like, What do I do? What I do now? And I have five things for you that you can do to kind of reset yourself, to get yourself clear, to step out of this confusion. And I think that this will help you. Number one is respect the facts. What are the facts of the situation. There's some feelings there that you have, that that you have, and that she probably has too, but she was honest with you that she's not in a place to do this. The other fact is that she's made that very clear by her actions, that she's not in the place, and so as a as a person, logically, the facts say that she's not ready. She doesn't want it because her actions don't line up with her wanting it. And again, you can't take that as a hit to your ego or as a hit to you because it has nothing to do with you. She's just not ready. It's already been proven that she's into you. You're a cool dude, but she's just not ready to continue being into you because she has other things that's going and so that's you just got to respect the facts. Those are the facts of this situation. It's just not the right time, or it's not the right person, and that's just that's up for grabs. We don't know, we don't know what that's going to be, but you will know you're going to find the girl of your dreams. I'm sure that you will. I know that you will. Number two is you got to stop making excuses for you can't and you got to stop making excuses for yourself. Here you. Because y'all are, that's what you're doing, is you're making excuses for her and for yourself as to why you should keep chasing this and you can't. You can't keep chasing this man. You can't because it's just going to end up with you not being happy with with you feeling like you're not good enough. It's again, it's an unhealthy thing that you're going that you're going through that if you continue to consume this, and if you continue to go down this route, it's just going to put you in a bad place mentally, and it's going to jack with your your own identity, and it's going to jack with your own adequacy. And again, it has nothing to do with you. And so listen, yeah, she's a bad texter, but that's an excuse. She's a bad tech note. She she's in a place that she does not want to break down, that barrier in her life that she needs to work through to truly connect with you. That's just where she's at. And then you the excuses for yourself as well. You know, she she was like this in person, and we have these moments in my birthday, and those are all amazing moments that you can cherish and that you can think about, and that that you got to have with this person. And that's a special thing, but you have to stop believing the excuses, because they're just not they're not plausible. She's she's shown you where she stands. Number three, it's probably time to cut it off. Cut the emotional loop is, because that's kind of where you're at, man, is like you've given this three tries, you've given it three tries, and nothing has changed other than y'all. Y'all had some great times in person. No, you got to just like, end it there. And if once, if she's ever is ready to have a relationship and and she's interested, she'll reach out, but you got to give her the space, like, just let her know. Like, look, I I really like you. I've had a great time with you. I think that we've I think that we work well together, but, but I can tell that you're not in a place for us to make this work, and I can't put myself through that like I think you're dope. Every time we hang out, I like you more. And so, you know, I don't know what you're going through or or why you're not ready to have a relationship. But, like, if you ever are, my numbers open. Just leave it at that. Like, cut that, cut that loop to where you're, you know, your dog running after the bone. You don't have to do that. You don't have to spend your energy on that. Number four is, every person is is a teacher in your life. Every person can show you a lesson. And what this showed you was a spark in you that maybe you haven't felt in a while. You know she, she brought something out of you that you haven't felt. And it's cool because you can still feel that yourself. You understand where that spark lives now. You know you're you talked about your nine to five, and you know, maybe, maybe life's calling you to do something a little bit different. And so like, start to tap into that. I'm not saying make a huge life change. I'm saying, you know, start exploring that, like use what this situation gave you, because I believe everything happens for good. And if we can learn to take people as they are and accept what they're trying to teach us in this, everyone's our teacher, if we can accept what was taught to us in this situationship and in this in situations and circumstances, you might find yourself happier than you were before you met her, because you learned something in that scenario about yourself. And so use that, whatever that is. And number five is Get clear on your standards for relationship and what you don't want to be feeling like this. You know you don't want to be feeling like this. You don't want to be feeling like you're chasing something like that's just it's just not and so I understand that you're 28 years old, and you're looking for a partner, you're looking for a wife, you're looking for someone that you can spend your life with and experience and and have the birthday kisses and all the stuff. And I think that that's an amazing thing. And I think it's cool that you're, you're you put yourself out there, I really do, but figure out what those standards are for, for what a relationship looks like for you. What does that look like? Does the person make you feel like this? Does the person bring clarity to the situation and not confusion. Did they do they chase you? Do they treat you the same way that you treat them? Do you feel that open heart, the same way that your heart is open that's so important is that you feel that mutual engagement with someone else? Is that they feel. Think of you and feel about you the same way that you feel about them. And again, with this girl, she's just not there. She's not there. And you deserve better, man, like you deserve better. And and the way that you're feeling and you're left feeling in these scenarios, even though she was honest with you, even though she's that's just not a feeling that you want to keep on diving into, because it's just going to make you continue to feel inadequate, like you're not enough, and it's just, it's just a spiral you don't want to go down. And so those five things, respect the facts, stop making excuses, cut the emotional loop, use what it gave you. Get clear on your standards. And here's what I want to leave you with. The right person wouldn't leave you guessing. You wouldn't have to chase her energy and always guess where you stand. She's going to show up with the same curiosity and the same energy that you bring to the table, and she's going to like you back in real life, and not just in a moment. She's going to text you back. She's gonna make you feel good about yourself. And here's what I genuinely believe, is that that girl is out there for you, and she's living her own story, and she's probably wondering the same thing you're wondering, like, Where the hell is he? Just like, where you're she's out there living her own life, wondering the same thing you're wondering, which is, where is she? She's wondering, where is he? And you can cling on to that hope, because you're going to find her. Y'all are going to find that's just how it's how things work. How things work is, follow the call of your heart and your gut and and get yourself in a good place, man, get yourself in a good place like treat yourself right? Do things that set you on fire, do things that make you excited. And what happens is when you follow your passions and when you and when you act as yourself, and you're yourself, and you don't have to worry about whatever your paths are going to cross, and then you'll just know. And again, it could be this girl that you're talking to, but like, I don't, I don't know. I'm not a wizard, but I do know the girl that you're going to spend the rest of your life with is going to make you feel so loved, you're not gonna be able to get away from it. You're gonna feel too loved, and you're gonna love it. And so I want you to know that that that she's out there, that she's waiting on you, that she's looking for you the same way that you're looking for her. And you don't have to have a lack mindset about it. There's someone on this earth for you. There's someone on this earth for you, and they're here right now. So bro, I would double down and go through those steps and really think about your own life and internally, figure out what you got to do to continue to just be you and believe that when the time is right, you're going to meet that girl, and you'll be ready for it, because you've already done this internal work that'll get you there. Thanks for calling in, bro. I'm gonna play a quick song that I love. Welcome to sappy hour on sappy radio. Oh my I did good. I Just forget about you for myself. Oh, welcome back. That was listen. I want to have a radio show, so might as well just take Collins and then play a song and then take another call in. We're gonna do a quick 92nd thing on intelligent change. You gotta check it out. We'll be right back. Listen, I appreciate you guys tuning in today. Sappy hour, sappy hotline, sappy radio. I don't even know what it's called, but the branding does say sappy Hour, which that's what I'm gonna call it for now. Now, but I kind of like sappy hotline, and I really like sappy radio. Sirius XM hit me up. I want a radio show. And so we're gonna, we're gonna keep on doing this. I really think I like the call ins, I really like the call ins, I like the voicemails. I like being able to answer those. It just feels right to me. And so that's what I'm gonna keep on doing, is, is sappy hotline and doing these calls. So please call in. Let me pull up the number real quick. I should know this by now, shouldn't I? Sappy hotline, 888-444-9461, again, it's 888-444-9461, call in, leave a voicemail, and I love you guys. I will be back next Friday. We drop weekly episodes. Spotify Apple podcast, anywhere you listen to your podcast, and then obviously YouTube. Y'all the best. Call in, leave a voicemail. I will see you guys next week, welcome to sappy hour. Brought to you by intelligent change. It's Friday, people, and you might be listening to this or watching this and it's not Friday, but hey, we all love Friday, so let's just pretend it is Friday, even if it's not Friday. I got a really, really fun episode for us today, we're diving into sappy hotline calls. Two people left some amazing voicemails that I can't wait to dive into. And it's all around love, heartbreak, relationships, Girl problems, boy problems, whatever it might be. And I think all of us have been at this point to where we just don't know what to do, we don't know what to do, and we really want to know what to do, and so I can't wait for you to tune in. It's going to be fun, and let's get to it. You.