Ep 300: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and guest Orly Calderon P1 on hmTv

Episode 300: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Guest Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 1)

In this milestone 300th episode of Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv, host Arnie Herz sits down with Dr. Orly Calderon, Associate Professor of Psychology at Long Island University and Director of Assessment, for a deeply insightful conversation about the true meaning of wholeness and resilience.

With warmth, humor, and candor, Dr. Calderon challenges the notion of being “whole” — explaining that real strength comes not from perfection, but from the ability to adapt, recover, and keep moving forward. Together, she and Arnie explore how resilience is cultivated over time, how supportive relationships and community can protect mental health, and why balance in parenting and self-care is essential for emotional growth.

They also tackle today’s cultural and psychological challenges — from helicopter parenting to social media isolation, political polarization, and the growing need for empathy in a fear-driven world.

Filled with wisdom and practical insight, this episode invites listeners to rethink what it means to live a whole-hearted life — one grounded in compassion, courage, and connection.

🎧 Listen now on hmTv as part of the Humanity Matters series.

Transcript

Ep. 300 — Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Guest Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 1)
Presented by hmTv, part of the Humanity Matters Series

ARNIE HERZ:
Hello, my name is Arnie Herz, and welcome to our next episode of Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv. I’m here with my dear friend, Dr. Orly Calderon, who is an associate professor of psychology at Long Island University and the director of assessment. Dr. Calderon—who I’m going to call Orly—has over two decades of experience in the field of psychology and in helping organizations explore wholeness and health. I’m very fortunate that Orly is here with us today to share some time. Orly, thank you so much for joining us.

DR. ORLY CALDERON:
Thank you for inviting me, Arnie. This is exciting!

ARNIE:
You’ve got two decades of experience.

ORLY:
Actually, a bit more at this point—but we’re not going to say exactly how much.

ARNIE:
That’s fair! Well, before we dive in, a quick personal note—I just became a grandfather last Friday.

ORLY:
Mazel tov!

ARNIE:
Thank you! It’s a baby boy, and Suzanne and I are overjoyed—though still in disbelief that we’re “grandparents” now.

ORLY:
That’s fantastic—congratulations!

ARNIE:
Thank you! So, Orly, from a psychological perspective, we’re talking about this idea of wholeness. What does wholeness really mean in your field?

ORLY:
It’s an easy answer—it doesn’t exist. From a psychological point of view, we don’t think about someone being “whole” in a perfect sense. That would imply no flaws, no pain, no damage—and that’s not the human experience. Every person has challenges—stress, loss, learning struggles, emotional setbacks. So rather than “whole,” we talk about being well adjusted.

ARNIE:
And what does “well adjusted” look like?

ORLY:
Someone who’s able to cope with life’s stressors, who shows resiliency and uses protective factors. Some people naturally have more resiliency than others, but it can also be built over time.

ARNIE:
That makes sense. And in today’s world—constant bad news, social tension, personal challenges—resilience feels more critical than ever. What does it mean to build resilience?

ORLY:
Resilience doesn’t mean you’re untouched by pain or fear. It means you’ve developed the tools over time to handle those emotions without becoming overwhelmed. It’s not built during a crisis—it’s cultivated long before. It’s what allows you to feel deeply but not fall apart.

ARNIE:
So it’s about functioning in life without getting “stuck” in the potholes along the way.

ORLY:
Exactly. And “functioning” looks different for everyone. David Wechsler, who developed the Wechsler Intelligence Scales, said intelligence is really about adapting successfully to life. Success isn’t about money—it’s about living a meaningful, productive life.

ARNIE:
That’s a great pivot. I sometimes imagine life like a tree. Some people are climbing the tree—seeking meaning and purpose. Others have fallen into a hole beside it, just trying to get back to level ground. Resilience helps us climb out of that hole.

ORLY:
That’s a great metaphor—it shows both depth and height. Resiliency is the capacity to deal with pain or loss without being paralyzed by it, while coping skills are the tools that help you maintain that resiliency.

ARNIE:
So resilience is the capacity, and coping skills are the methods.

ORLY:
Exactly. Think of trauma. Not everyone exposed to trauma develops PTSD. That doesn’t mean they’re unaffected—it means they have enough resilience and coping tools to process it without becoming debilitated.

ARNIE:
And “debilitated” would mean?

ORLY:
When someone can’t function—can’t maintain relationships, work, or care for their family—because their fear and pain have taken over daily life.

ARNIE:
Got it. So your work is about helping people develop those coping skills that sustain resilience.

ORLY:
Yes, and it’s not just for clinical disorders. Since the 1990s, psychology has shifted from “you have it or you don’t” to a dimensional model—recognizing that everyone faces emotional challenges. Not all sadness is depression; not all anxiety is a disorder. The question is: can you function, and can you grow?

ARNIE:
That ties beautifully into parenting. You see it when a child learns to ride a bike—some fall and give up, others fall and try again. The resilient child gets back up.

ORLY:
Right—and that resilience often comes from a sense of trust and safety. A supportive parent who says, “I’m here—you can try again.” That’s true whether it’s biking, school, or relationships. Children who feel emotionally safe are more open to coping and growth.

ARNIE:
Do you think parenting today—helicopter parenting, overprotection—has made kids less resilient?

ORLY:
It’s complicated. There are definitely more protective parents today, often reacting to a frightening world. But too little involvement can be just as harmful. The key is balance—being present, supportive, and encouraging without over-controlling. Children need to fail sometimes, but they also need to know someone’s in their corner.

ARNIE:
And that applies to adults too, right?

ORLY:
Absolutely. Adults need support networks just as much. A strong community—friends, family, colleagues—can be a major protective factor in facing trauma or stress.

ARNIE:
That brings us to community. In an age where people are more isolated—often absorbed in social media—what role does community play in mental health?

ORLY:
Community is vital. It gives us belonging, purpose, and perspective. It can aid recovery, as seen in therapeutic communities for addiction treatment, or simply provide emotional connection. The form doesn’t matter—religious, neighborhood, workplace—as long as it’s positive and supportive.

ARNIE:
And when you say “positive,” you’re distinguishing it from communities that bond over destructive values—like gangs or extremist groups.

ORLY:
Exactly. Those groups may offer belonging, but through antisocial or harmful behavior. True community uplifts—it builds individuals and society.

ARNIE:
So what makes a community positive or negative, at the societal level?

ORLY:
It comes down to openness and empathy. Too many people today are quick to judge instead of think. As Carl Jung said, “Thinking is hard; that’s why most people judge.” We’ve lost tolerance for dialogue. We don’t have to agree, but we do have to listen.

ARNIE:
That’s powerful—and timely. We’re living through enormous political and cultural polarization. What do you think is driving it?

ORLY:
Fear. People are scared—of violence, of losing security, of being unheard. Fear triggers emotional thinking, which leads to judgment and aggression instead of reasoned discussion.

ARNIE:
That’s exactly what I call “emotion-driven thinking.” I’ve seen it in mediation and advocacy—people react from emotion, then rationalize afterward, filtering information to confirm their bias.

ORLY:
Yes. And when we can learn to reframe our thinking, to see multiple perspectives, we open space for better emotions—and better actions.

ARNIE:
Beautifully said. That’s a perfect note to end on for Part 1. Thank you, Dr. Orly Calderon, for joining me for this fascinating conversation.

ORLY:
Thank you, Arnie. It’s been a pleasure.

ARNIE:
We’ll continue this discussion in Part 2, diving into the ways we misunderstand ourselves—and how awareness can lead to healing. I’m Arnie Herz, and you’ve been listening to Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv, part of the Humanity Matters series. Stay tuned for Episode 301.