Ep 301: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and guest Orly Calderon P2 on hmTv

Episode 301: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 2)

In Part 2 of Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv, host Arnie Herz continues his profound conversation with Dr. Orly Calderon, Associate Professor of Psychology at Long Island University and Director of Assessment. Together, they explore the psychological and spiritual dimensions of self-awareness, emotional resilience, and the power of choice.

Dr. Calderon explains how our subconscious filters — or “schemas,” as defined by Aaron Beck — shape the way we perceive the world, often trapping us in cycles of fear, bias, and fixed thinking. Through open dialogue, she and Arnie discuss how to pause, reframe, and reorient our thoughts to cultivate healthier emotional responses and more compassionate human connections.

The conversation flows seamlessly from cognitive behavioral therapy to biblical wisdom, touching on Noah’s story, Holocaust survival, Nelson Mandela’s resilience, and even pathways toward peace in divided societies.

This episode reminds us that while we can’t always control our circumstances, we can always choose how to respond — and that awareness, empathy, and hope are the true habits of a whole heart.

🎧 Listen now on hmTv as part of the Humanity Matters series.

Transcript

Ep. 301 — Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Guest Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 2)
Presented by hmTv, part of the Humanity Matters Series

ARNIE HERZ:
Hello, my name is Arnie Herz and welcome to Habits of a Whole Heart. This is a podcast series on hmTv as part of the Humanity Matters series, and I’m very happy to have with me today—again for a second episode—Dr. Orly Calderon, a dear friend of mine who is the Associate Professor of Psychology at Long Island University and Director of Assessment.

Orly brings over two decades of deep experience in the field of psychology, working with individuals, families, and organizations. She has a tremendous depth of knowledge on issues of psychology, wholeness, fragmentation, and societal behavior. I highly encourage listeners to go back and hear Part 1, because it lays the groundwork for today’s fascinating discussion. Orly, thank you for joining me again.

DR. ORLY CALDERON:
Thank you for inviting me again, Arnie—and for those kind words.

ARNIE:
We ended the last episode talking about how people tend to think emotionally, and then rationalize their decisions afterward. They filter out the data that contradicts their perspective and cling to what confirms it. That leads to certainty, rigidity, and tribal thinking—making it hard to communicate across differences.

There are two books that came to mind: The Knowledge Illusion, which says we think we know far more than we actually do, and Strangers to Ourselves by Dr. Timothy Wilson, which argues that we understand very little about what makes us tick. What’s your take on that from a psychological standpoint?

ORLY:
It’s really interesting you bring that up, because so much of psychology—no matter the approach—is about helping people develop insight. In psychodynamic therapy, insight means uncovering the unconscious forces that shape our behavior. In cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, insight means understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

We may not be aware of everything operating beneath the surface—our subconscious beliefs, fears, or past conditioning—but those forces absolutely influence how we interpret the world and interact with others.

ARNIE:
So when people have strong, fixed interpretations of events, that thinking feeds emotions—often fear or anger—and those emotions lead to action.

ORLY:
Exactly. And when the interpretation is faulty, it can lead to distorted emotions and negative behaviors. But the reverse is also true—if we reframe our thinking, we can generate healthier emotions and more constructive actions.

ARNIE:
That’s powerful. You’re saying we all carry “schemas,” or mental filters, shaped by upbringing, culture, and experiences. These filters run in the background, and unless we pause and challenge them, they control how we see the world.

ORLY:
Yes. Aaron Beck, the founder of CBT, called them “schemas.” They’re our mental blueprints—how we interpret the world. The problem is, those blueprints aren’t always accurate. Taking a step back and saying, “Maybe I’m not seeing this clearly” creates space for learning and change.

ARNIE:
And that’s the moment where growth begins. It reminds me of this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Noach—the story of Noah and the flood. After the flood, humanity is given a new beginning, yet Noah responds not with gratitude or creativity, but despair—he plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and collapses. It’s a perfect example of mindset: faced with renewal, he chose self-destruction.

We see this throughout history—some survivors of trauma emerge with resilience and purpose, while others remain trapped in despair.

ORLY:
Absolutely. Many Holocaust survivors experienced unimaginable trauma. Some, through support and reframing, found meaning and rebuilt their lives. Others remained haunted and immobilized by pain. Trauma doesn’t define you, but how you process it determines your path forward.

ARNIE:
You mentioned “reframing.” For people who feel stuck—emotionally, spiritually, or mentally—how can they begin that process?

ORLY:
Reframing means changing how you think about what happened to you. You can’t change the past, but you can change your relationship to it. Ask: What can I learn from this? How can I grow? It’s not about ignoring pain—it’s about integrating it. Sometimes, simply embracing the pain is part of healing.

There’s even a field called post-traumatic growth—PTG—which studies how people create meaning after adversity.

ARNIE:
That’s fascinating. So in daily life—outside of trauma—what coping mechanisms help people stay centered?

ORLY:
Mindfulness is key—staying in the present rather than ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Motivation and goal-setting also matter. There’s a concept called motivational interviewing, which recognizes that people aren’t resistant to change—they’re ambivalent about it. They know where they want to go, they just don’t know how to get there. Helping them define small, achievable steps builds momentum and confidence.

ARNIE:
That’s so true. When we feel depressed or anxious, it often comes from a sense of powerlessness—feeling that life is happening to us instead of through us.

ORLY:
Exactly. Helplessness is one of the most debilitating emotions. It robs us of hope. But even in the hardest situations, we still have choices. They might be between two bad options, but the act of choosing restores agency—and with agency comes peace of mind.

ARNIE:
That reminds me of Nelson Mandela—27 years in prison, yet he emerged not with bitterness, but with vision. When I visited Robben Island, I felt that power. He said, “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.” That’s the essence of what you’re describing—choosing empowerment in the face of despair.

ORLY:
Exactly. Many of the recently freed hostages from Israel said they survived by choosing to pray, to repeat the Shema, to cling to meaning even when hope was dim. Those mental choices helped them endure captivity.

And Mandela himself said, “Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world.” By “education,” he meant more than academics—he meant self-education, empathy, awareness, and the willingness to see the world through another’s eyes.

ARNIE:
That ties beautifully into something I experienced. Years ago, I met the former head of the neo-Nazi party in East Germany. After hearing his story—his father, his community, the indoctrination he grew up with—I realized that if I had lived his life, I might have believed the same things. Later, he learned the truth, met Jewish people, saw their humanity, and completely transformed his worldview.

That’s knowledge. Not facts—but the courage to challenge your own beliefs.

ORLY:
Exactly. True knowledge isn’t about rationalizing what you already believe—it’s about the humility to question it. That’s how you move from black-and-white thinking into the gray area of understanding and compassion.

ARNIE:
And that’s what leads to peace—whether in our homes or in the Middle East. Which brings me to the big question: Can education bring peace to places like Gaza?

ORLY:
If education changes, yes. If we can create environments not ruled by fear or terror, people will grow. Most human beings—no matter where they live—just want safety, family, and dignity. Change the education, change the opportunity, and over time, you change the mindset.

ARNIE:
I completely agree. Real transformation is both top-down and bottom-up. Enlightened leadership sets the tone, but enlightened citizens sustain it. It’s a feedback loop—leaders inspire people, and people choose better leaders. That’s how societies evolve.

What’s within my control is to use this platform—through podcasts, advocacy, and dialogue—to spark that ripple effect. Each of us can influence others to think more deeply, listen more openly, and lead with heart.

ORLY:
Exactly. Every conversation like this moves the needle, even a little. When people feel safe enough to think critically and empathize, transformation becomes possible—personally and collectively.

ARNIE:
Beautifully said. My two biggest takeaways from today are:
First, understanding our mental filters—our schemas—and learning to question them so we can see reality more clearly.
And second, remembering that in any situation, no matter how dark, we always have a choice—to respond with awareness, with growth, and with hope.

ORLY:
Exactly.

ARNIE:
Orly, thank you so much for two deeply meaningful and inspiring episodes.

ORLY:
Thank you, Arnie. It’s been an honor.

ARNIE:
And thank you to all our listeners. If you found this conversation meaningful, please share it. The goal of Habits of a Whole Heart is to help people live more connected, compassionate, and impactful lives—for themselves, their families, and their communities.

I’m Arnie Herz, and this has been Habits of a Whole Heart, part of the Humanity Matters series on hmTv. Until next time—take care, stay hopeful, and lead with a whole heart.