Ep 302: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and guest Orly Calderon P3 on hmTv

Episode 302: Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 3)

In this deeply moving third installment of Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv, host Arnie Herz and psychologist Dr. Orly Calderon bring their powerful series on wholeness and healing to a heartfelt conclusion — exploring how post-traumatic growth, reframing, and community can transform pain into purpose.

Dr. Calderon explains the difference between cognitive restructuring and post-traumatic growth, illustrating how both approaches empower us to reinterpret suffering and move from “Why did this happen to me?” to “For what purpose did this happen?” Together, she and Arnie share deeply personal stories of loss, illness, and recovery — from Orly’s journey through sudden bereavement to Arnie’s near-death experiences with heart failure and a brain bleed — showing how reframing and resilience can turn even life-threatening moments into sources of strength, empathy, and renewal.

The episode expands from the personal to the communal, highlighting how acts of compassion — like Suzanne Herz feeding hospital staff and founding the Alisa Conet Fund — create ripples of hope and belonging that extend across faiths and cultures. Arnie and Orly close with a call for bridge-building: finding shared goals between divided groups as a way to heal both hearts and societies.

Authentic, emotional, and profoundly uplifting, this episode reminds us that the goal isn’t to erase pain — it’s to make it productive and transformative.

🎧 Listen now on hmTv as part of the Humanity Matters series.

Transcript

Ep. 302 — Habits of a Whole Heart with Arnie Herz and Guest Dr. Orly Calderon (Part 3)
Presented by hmTv, part of the Humanity Matters Series

ARNIE HERZ:
Hello, my name is Arnie Herz, and welcome to Habits of a Whole Heart on hmTv, part of the Humanity Matters series.

After completing two episodes with Dr. Orly Calderon from a psychological perspective on wholeness and healing, we decided to record a third episode to bring forward real-life examples — from our own lives and the lives of others — to demonstrate how we can implement post-traumatic growth through a change in thinking, the development of coping mechanisms, and the fostering of healing within ourselves, between us and others, and across society.

So thank you, Orly, for joining me for this third and very practical conversation about how these principles come to life.

DR. ORLY CALDERON:
Thank you for inviting me. I want to point out that post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a very specific approach to psychology. In fact, my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Ronnie Berger from Adelphi University, along with another colleague, Dr. Itzhak Levav, formerly at Long Island University, have written multiple articles and at least two books on the subject.

Post-traumatic growth is a distinct framework — a set of strategies to help people reframe and grow from adversity. It’s related to cognitive restructuring in CBT, or cognitive reframing, which involves taking a moment — or a period of time — to reinterpret a negative experience so we can understand it from a different perspective and ultimately grow from it.

ARNIE:
So both PTG and cognitive restructuring help us change how we think about negative experiences so they no longer define or destroy us — they become opportunities to create a better life and a healthier perspective.

ORLY:
Exactly. The difference is that cognitive restructuring was originally developed by Aaron Beck in the 1960s and 70s to address depression and anxiety, while PTG focuses specifically on recovery after trauma. But both invite us to re-evaluate our interpretations and use pain as a catalyst for growth.

ARNIE:
That’s so important — to stay in motion instead of getting stuck. Can you share a real-life example of how this works?

ORLY:
Sure. I’ll share something personal. In 2007, I lost a significant other very suddenly. It was devastating — my life was completely turned upside down. I’m not suggesting that cognitive restructuring erased the pain. It didn’t. But it helped me process it differently.

Two things made that possible: first, the support of my family and community, and second, my children — knowing they needed me gave me a reason to get up every day.

And then, a shift in perspective. In Hebrew, the word lama means “why,” but if you change the pronunciation slightly, lema means “for what purpose.” I stopped asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and began asking, “For what purpose did this happen?”

That question allowed me to reframe my loss — to see my role as being there for my partner during the final years of his life, and to understand that his role had ended while mine continued. I learned from that experience and carried that strength into my next relationship — which, thank God, became the happiest one of my life.

ARNIE:
That’s beautiful, Orly. Thank you for sharing that. I can absolutely relate.

When I was 20, I had congestive heart failure during a basketball game. The doctors told me I had blown a hole in my aortic valve and almost didn’t survive. They said I’d need open-heart surgery within a few years. My whole life changed overnight.

Basketball was my identity — it was how I dealt with stress. Suddenly, I was told I couldn’t play again. I felt lost. But even in that moment, something inside me said, “This is happening for a reason.”

That experience pushed me to study yoga and meditation — to explore what life was really about. Meditation helped me calm my pulse and blood pressure, eventually getting off all the medication. And I postponed that surgery for 33 years.

ORLY:
That’s incredible — truly an example of mind-body connection and post-traumatic growth in action. You didn’t deny the pain; you transformed it into purpose.

ARNIE:
Yes, and the practice built a “muscle” I’ve used ever since. I tell people in my workshops: when you ask, “What were the most transformative moments in your life?” — most name painful ones. Illness, loss, failure. It’s through pain that we grow our capacity.

Fast forward to when I finally had the heart surgery — I was 54. And then, three years ago, I had another life-threatening experience: a sudden subarachnoid brain bleed.

The doctors told my wife, Suzanne, that I had a 50% chance of surviving the weekend. And once again, we made a choice: we wouldn’t be victims. We would find meaning, connection, and even humor in that moment. Every nurse, every doctor, every visitor — we met them with gratitude. It became one of the most connected, love-filled times of our lives.

ORLY:
That’s profound, Arnie. But I also want to acknowledge — as you said earlier — this doesn’t erase the fear or the pain. It’s not about pretending it’s “positive.” It’s about making it productive.

When someone’s in pain, calling it “positive” can sound dismissive. But “productive” means it’s helping you move forward, helping you survive, helping you integrate what happened.

ARNIE:
That’s exactly right. Suzanne and I still talk about it. I once said, “That was a lot of fun,” and she stopped me — “It wasn’t fun. It was productive.”

Even now, every time I get a headache, I think, “This could be it.” And that thought doesn’t paralyze me — it makes me live each day as fully as I can. Pain and gratitude can coexist.

ORLY:
Yes — that’s the essence of wholeness. A meaningful life isn’t free from pain; it’s one where pain and purpose coexist. Healing means integrating fear, grief, joy, and hope — all at once.

ARNIE:
Exactly. And Suzanne modeled that too. When I was in the hospital, she noticed the nurses hadn’t eaten because the cafeteria was closed during COVID. So she started ordering food every day for the entire staff — bagels, sandwiches, coffee. That simple act lifted everyone’s spirits and created a beautiful ripple of kindness.

ORLY:
That’s remarkable — and such a perfect example of compassion and community in action.

ARNIE:
And later, Suzanne created the Alisa Conet Fund, named for a friend battling cancer, to provide meals, transportation, and support for families in need. One of those families was an Israeli mother whose son needed a liver transplant here in the U.S. Our community came together — Jews, Christians, Muslims — everyone united to help her.

ORLY:
I remember that. I spoke with her. She told me the sense of community she felt sustained her more than anything else. That’s the human connection we all crave — the bridge that holds us up when we’re far from home.

ARNIE:
Beautifully said. And that brings us to the macro level — bridge building. Whether between communities or nations, the same psychology applies: shared goals create connection.

Through my work with AJC, we’ve built bridges between the Jewish community and Muslim, Christian, and Black communities. In Europe, we’ve even partnered with Muslim groups on kosher and halal issues — realizing we share struggles around religious freedom.

When we alienate others completely, we lose potential allies in causes that matter deeply to all of us.

ORLY:
Exactly. In organizations and societies alike, shared goals drive growth. We don’t have to agree on everything — just enough to move forward together. That’s the psychological model of cooperation: synergy through shared purpose.

ARNIE:
That’s a perfect note to end on. Whether personal trauma or global tension, the key question remains: What’s productive? What can we build together that moves humanity forward?

ORLY:
Exactly.

ARNIE:
Orly, thank you so much for three powerful, heartfelt episodes. I think our listeners will find this conversation deeply meaningful.

To our audience — if you found value in this discussion, please share it. We’re building a movement of whole-hearted living — one rooted in compassion, curiosity, and courage.

I’m Arnie Herz, and you’ve been listening to Habits of a Whole Heart, part of the Humanity Matters series on hmTv. Have a wonderful day, and keep leading with a whole heart.