Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
We Have No Idea What We're Doing, And That's Perfectly Okay
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"We had no idea what we were doing." Those words might not be what you expect to hear from podcast hosts sharing advice about blended families, but that's exactly what makes Baggage Claim so refreshingly honest. In this vulnerable episode, Greg and Jess pull back the curtain on their 13-year journey of blending families to reveal the messy, beautiful truth: nobody really knows what they're doing.
The highlight reels we often see of blended families can be intimidating. Core values, behavior lists, and carefully structured routines make it seem like some families have it all figured out. But behind those Instagram-worthy moments are real people navigating uncharted waters, making mistakes, and learning as they go. Greg and Jess share some of their biggest failures—from leaving kids at practice because they missed calendar invites to writing checks for groceries they knew wouldn't clear—and how those challenging moments actually created some of their family's most cherished traditions.
What stands out most is their resilience through financial hardships and communication challenges. As Greg shares the humbling experience of not being able to afford medical care for Jess during a time of illness, they reflect on how these struggles shaped their family philosophy: "If we can't be happy with a hundred dollars in our bank account, we'll never be happy with hundreds of thousands." This perspective shift transformed their approach to both money and marriage.
Whether you're in the trenches of early blended family life or navigating the evolving relationships with adult children, this episode offers comfort in knowing you're not alone. The real magic happens not in having all the answers, but in showing up consistently with love, curiosity, and the willingness to fail forward. After all, if you're failing, it means you're trying—and that's something worth celebrating.
Welcome to Baggage Claim
Speaker 1Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in to listen to us. Thank you so much for tuning in to listen to us, man, it's been a fun ride. Baggage Claim is about a place where we can create conversations and community and blended family and marriages. Just a place where we can be real with each other and where we can just say the things we need to say, walk through the things we need to walk through. But wherever you're at today, whatever you're doing, man, just take a minute, take a deep breath, just with me and just let it out. And today is just going to be a fun episode that hopefully we can all connect with. But whatever you're doing, man, just grab your favorite drink, wherever you're at, and just, kind of metaphorically, pull up to the table with us and just enjoy.
Speaker 2There's two things I'm excited about.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Number one.
Speaker 1Yep.
Speaker 2We are worldwide.
Speaker 1That's kind of crazy.
Worldwide Listeners and End of School
Speaker 2There has been somebody in Australia that has been listening to us and there is somebody in the Netherlands that have listened to us. So not only are we nationwide, but we can technically say we're worldwide.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's kind of crazy. There are 98 different cities in the United States that we are anywhere from.
Speaker 2We're almost at 100 cities.
Speaker 1Yeah, from the West Coast to the East Coast.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Almost 1,000 downloads. So again, thank you guys so much. Sometimes I feel like we sound like idiots, just kind of fumbling through this.
Speaker 2But we appreciate, we sincerely appreciate, that you feel like what we are saying has value and that you want to spend a little bit of time with us out of your schedule.
Speaker 1Yes, thank you for doing that. I really, really, really appreciate it. I ran into a listener just the other day and was like love your podcast. It's so awesome and I couldn't say thank you enough. No, just to say thank you, thank you, thank you for listening to us, but with that being said, we're going to talk about— Wait, I said two things.
Speaker 2Okay, two, sorry I was getting ahead of myself. Number two is where we are in the county that I teach in. There's three days of school left.
Speaker 1That is correct.
Speaker 2I cannot express to you how excited I am. Some years are harder than others. They are, and there are some years where I'm just weepy for the weeks approaching the end of the school year and I just boo-hoo at the end of the school year. Putting them, especially the last day of school, is very emotional. This year I'm like bye y'all.
Speaker 1Well, it's not your kids, though. Your kids are all—I love your kids, Like I've been in—I went and done reading in the classroom.
Speaker 2You have. You read them a little.
Speaker 1I was there for the end-of-the-year party to ice cream sandwich Sundays. I love hanging out with your kids. I take them donuts every now and then.
Speaker 2You get them sugared up before I leave and you know I sincerely appreciate that. But it was a reward they work for and they appreciate your investment with us Some years. Teachers who are listening you will understand some years are more challenging than others and I appreciate these little people. But it's just been a challenging year and we've made a lot of growth and I'm excited to see what they do in second grade.
Speaker 1So, jess, just give Jess some leeway. She's about to get to summer, jess, which means she may be a different girl doing summer podcast Just carefree and just you know. Yeah, a different girl. Yeah, Well, to kick us off, you have a quote for us.
Speaker 2I do. I have a quote. There was a wise poet in a movie that we've seen by the name of Owen Wilson, and it is true love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
Speaker 1That's beautiful. Name that movie. Oh my gosh, If you can't name that movie.
Speaker 2Can we be friends with you?
Speaker 1Yes, that's a hard one they talked about.
Speaker 2Okay, let me say it, Michael, our producer said, say it again, question mark True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another, and it's the poet Owen Wilson true love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another, and it's the poet Owen Wilson.
Speaker 1Please tell me if you've not seen that.
Speaker 2We're about to break up, Michael.
Speaker 1Bro, are you kidding me? What is?
Speaker 2it.
Speaker 1Wedding Crashers.
Speaker 2Wedding.
Speaker 1Crashers oh bro.
Speaker 4You know how long it's been since I've seen that.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh, it doesn't matter. You should remember that that's a you problem, that that's a you problem. It is a you problem. I'm sorry, I just date. So we own the DVD.
Speaker 4We did. When's the last time you watched a DVD, though?
Speaker 1Maybe like three weeks ago.
Speaker 4Yeah, I was about to say maybe a month ago.
Speaker 1Oh, are you serious?
Speaker 2Yes, that's a favorite. I love that.
Speaker 1It's a favorite for us, we quote that movie all the time.
Speaker 4It's been years since I watched a all the time. Now that's a good quote.
Speaker 2But what we quote often is you lock it up, you lock it up, you shut your mouth when you're talking to me.
Speaker 1Yes, we say that all the time. We do say that it's another wedding crash. So apparently.
Speaker 3Michael, we need to have a movie night. We should have a movie night.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm all for it Especially summer. Jess is engaged Movie night.
Speaker 1So tonight, tonight, I just we want to be real, I really just want to be, and not that we've been fake, it's not that at all. It's almost. If you're listening to the podcast and you've heard us talk about our family, core values and the things we've done and our behavior list and all these things, you may be like dang bro, they got their crap together like whoa. But no, it's the highlight reel of our blended family.
Speaker 2Just just you know if you rewind it all the way back, it was like, oh my gosh, we fell in love yeah, we had this great like that.
Speaker 1We we laugh at that quote. But, like on our wedding day, we're just like oh my gosh, this is going to be so amazing. We're going to go on our honeymoon, we're going to come back.
Speaker 2Hey, you want to go get some pizza?
Speaker 1Yeah, it's just like everything's going to be awesome. It's going to be, and it was a to say it was a train wreck.
Speaker 2You're about to say train wreck. It was not a train wreck, it was close.
Speaker 1I was going to say train wreck. It was not a train wreck, it was close. It was really really close.
Speaker 2We had so many good plans. Okay, we did have great plans and we had great ideas Real good plans.
Speaker 1We had unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 2We didn't know they were unrealistic.
Speaker 1Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2I mean, maybe a little bit we did not, that's true.
Speaker 1We did not. We were like, oh, we got this figured out, we know what we're doing. We thought we knew, yeah.
No Idea What We're Doing
Speaker 2So I mean we had tried to do everything we could right that we thought was right, which is why tonight we're talking about. We really had no idea what we were doing.
Speaker 1No, no no, no, no. You said that in the past tense. We still have no idea what we're doing, Like, literally like as we're doing this podcast. I learn something new every single week about podcasting, yeah, Whether it's reels, shorts which we suck at, and really need to work at, not even that.
Speaker 2We learn something every week about the children that we put together in this family.
Speaker 1I'm just saying like we're constantly learning, like we're at a point now where we have adult kids. We have no idea what we're doing. I had coffee with a good friend of mine. We've been meeting and talking for years and years and years. He's blended family too and I just told him. I patted him on the shoulder and said hey, bro, it doesn't get easier and he's just like. Thank you for the encouragement.
Speaker 2Greg and bless his heart, he'll call you or text you and set up a time to meet. Here's the problem and this is what's going on. And here's where we're at blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What do I do? And you're like I don't know.
Speaker 1Sounds like you're doing great to me, like hang in there, big guy, like I'll cheer for you. So we say that to say, if you're out there and you're listening to this and maybe you feel defeated, maybe you feel beat down, Maybe you're at a point with this and you're just like this is freaking hard, Like this is just really really hard and we are not doing a great job.
Speaker 2Hang in there, hey, rest assured, we still feel that way.
Speaker 1Oh, a thousand percent. Thirteen years in, or twelve and a half, we're still like man, this is hard, Like this is not easy.
Speaker 2I mean just to throw back to all the previous episodes. That's why all the other stuff is so important. Right. So that when you hit these things that are like I don't know what to do yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1That's when we talk about. Know who you are, yeah, know how you process. Know yourself. Know your spouse yeah, like love on each other, because now that our kids are gone, it's Jess and I and it's like it's the two of us sitting outside trying to talk through and work through emotionally, mentally, just physically, just so many things, all the things. Yeah, how do we navigate this so we honor our kids but, at the same time, we don't go crazy?
Speaker 2You said sitting outside. We do sit inside too, but our favorite place to be is outside. We do have a house.
Speaker 1We do sit inside too, but our favorite place to be is outside. We do have a house.
Speaker 2We do have a home.
Speaker 1We love being outside.
Speaker 2But we have several places outside of our home that we love to sit. And that's just kind of our thing.
Speaker 1We have a porch swing in our carport, which is not a garage because carport's an old home.
Speaker 2Our house is an old, oh yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, so we have a swing, we sit out there, we have our cafe area that I like to refer to the patio as yeah, it's behind our house.
Speaker 2We have a vintage home.
Speaker 1It's a very old home, yeah, but regardless it's, you know it's. So I just want you to like, if you're listening to this, if you're in a blended family, if you're trying to figure it out and you're like bro, In a normal family like a core.
Speaker 2I'm sorry, I said normal In a core family.
Speaker 1I don't think anything's normal.
Speaker 2Not anymore, but there are phases where things are going to ebb and flow.
Speaker 1It's called seasons.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. And every time there's a change or a shift or your kids are entering like teenage years or adulting, or college or all the things, everything changes.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2Like. No matter what foundation you've built and what you tried so hard to do, everything changes.
Speaker 1Yeah, life has seasons. There are seasons with your kids. There are seasons where you're going to connect and everything's beautiful, it's awesome.
Speaker 2You're all together. And then it's just like this is oh my gosh, we're such great parents, we're doing such a good job.
Speaker 1Yeah, we're so good. And then winter comes and you're just like.
Speaker 2Winter is coming. Winter is coming.
Speaker 1We're Game of the time. I'm like this is your fault, no, but it really is just so tonight. We just want to share some of our stories of where we've just I mean basically some of our screw ups. Yeah Well, we've and we're still. Just, you know, we're in this with you, we're in the thick of it. We're in this just because we may be a few years ahead of you or a few years behind you, bro, we're just trying to figure it out Every single day. Yeah.
Speaker 2And the thing of it is though, even though we raised all four of our kids together Same way, off and on with two of them If you've listened to past episodes, you'll know what we're talking about when they're with us as the parents we raise them the same way and we've tried equally all four of the kids in the same manner, in the same relationally manner and the same relationally just doing life together and just on a daily basis.
Speaker 1We've tried.
Speaker 2We tried real hard, and so now we're on the other side where, with all four of them, it is very different for relationships with all four kids.
Speaker 1Oh, a thousand percent. I literally texted our younger son. Cody today and he just said I love you. Are you alive? Are you okay? Are you okay? I said are you okay? And he answered me six hours later yeah, what's up. And I was like just making sure you're still okay.
Speaker 2Meanwhile I texted him the day before yesterday and I hadn't heard back. So then we've got our older son. They're here almost every single day, he and his wife and our grandbaby Lulu. Half a mile away yeah, no, it's one mile. No, it's not a mile. Miranda measured it. She said it was one regardless, and I know that they have our granddaughter, which we want to be with 24 hours a day, but that relationship can be unhealthy as well. Yeah, but not as well none of them are healthy none of them are unhealthy.
Speaker 2That was not the word I wanted to say, but um, they're just different they're all they're different kids with different personalities, different drives.
Speaker 1Uh, they are. They want they all four want something different out of life. Yeah, like Callie is an adventurer, she loves adventure, she loves. And I love that about her and she's super independent.
Speaker 1Which is totally me, yeah. So as much as I would love for her to live in the house in front of me and have coffee with her every morning because she's so fun, I can't deny that I love her adventure side. And her, and her husband, yeah for her and Charles. When they said, hey, we're moving to Florida in two weeks, I was like what are you going to do? I don't know what are you going to do?
Speaker 1I don't know and I was like, but you're so far away, I'm actually kind of excited about it for you. I was like that sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah, so you have them. You have, they're just all four so different.
Speaker 2Thomas lives around the block with his wife and baby that are constant physical presence in our life. And then Cody, who is literally 35 minutes down the road, which is not far, but he is living his best life.
Speaker 1He's a very independent guy.
Speaker 2In his college town. Very independent, yes, will figure everything out. Doesn't need a parent's support. I got this, yes, and then the baby that's living in our house. Still, that's like I still have one foot in the door and one foot out the door and I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person.
Speaker 1We say all that to say.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1We have no idea where parenting, where friendship, where adult. We're figuring all that out, right now we have no idea what we're doing. Yeah, so it's just one of those things we're like. I hope we get it right.
Speaker 1We're just going to do what we know best and we're going to love them the way that we think we should love them. We're going to care for them the way we should care for them and support them the way we should Are we going to get it right. Absolutely not, Absolutely not. We're going to screw that up and we're going to overstep our bounds. We're going to feel too pretentious. We're going to say things we shouldn't say.
Speaker 2We're going to do things we shouldn't do. I hey, this is our first time having adult kids. We don't know what we're doing, just like you're, the first time you've been an adult and you don't know what we're doing. So, let's just acknowledge that. But you remember back when they were little we briefly touched on this in a previous episode when we thought one another knew what we were doing and we left a kid at practice.
Speaker 1Oh yes, that was episode 10, when we were talking about scheduling. See, there's this really interesting thing. Jess made this, which is a great idea, and we talked about it.
Speaker 2It's a fantastic idea. Create a.
Speaker 1Google Calendar that's shared by everyone. You invite everyone in and then Jess adds things to the calendar.
Speaker 2That's all great if— If you look at your invites in your inbox.
Financial Struggles and Family Values
Speaker 1Correct If you look at the calendar. If you look at the calendar and you use the calendar, it's kind of the key point of having the calendar, so that was a struggle for me.
Speaker 2That was 13 years ago. Well, when that was happening, it was probably more like 10 years, 12 years ago.
Speaker 1Yeah, I really upped my game in the last six months of looking at my calendar Six months, yeah.
Speaker 2However, there's been a couple little people in our lives. Their birthday party I put on your calendar. You were like, oh wait, what we're going to? I'm just we're going to wait. Tatum's birthday party I put on your calendar. You were like, oh wait what we're going to.
Speaker 1I'm just we're going to wait Tatum's birthday party Saturday. I would say this that I can. I just share one of the best times of my life like this was probably I before we got married. No, no, no.
Speaker 2I look back at this time.
Speaker 1I was like like everything was right in the world.
Speaker 2Okay, when was that? I was at?
Speaker 112 Stone. Yes, and I had the absolute best O-M-G Administrative assistant Madison Flowers, madison.
Speaker 2I absolutely love her to death. She was like wife, junior, but not on a weird level. No, no, no, she was like the manager of his life calendar. So she would tell him.
Speaker 1She had access to all my emails, all my calendars.
Speaker 2She had access to my calendar as much stuff as I wanted.
Speaker 1I gave her access to everything.
Speaker 2I was like here's my life and she and I would text. Like can you put on Greg's calendar that Cody has a soccer game at LSA at 1 o'clock on Saturday? Yes, got it.
Speaker 1And so I loved life when I had Madison in my life.
Speaker 2I loved life when you had Madison.
Speaker 1I came out of a— it was amazing.
Speaker 2Don't tell me, you had your shirt on.
Speaker 1Madison's in Nashville right now working at an awesome church.
Speaker 2Love you, Madison Flower.
Speaker 1Yeah, she is amazing.
Speaker 2Love you, Madison. You almost said your last name.
Speaker 1I don't. Anyway, regardless, I was in this executive meeting. It was an early meeting, like 8, 8.30-ish. It was right off the first thing, was it the?
Speaker 2donut situation.
Speaker 1No, no, no, that was a donut eating contest one morning.
Speaker 2Yeah, that was a different story.
Speaker 1So I go in this meeting and these are like the bigger ups. I was like I've got to make sure I've got my stuff together for this meeting, so I had all my ducks in a row. I go in the meeting and I come out of the meeting and Madison is outside the door and she goes hey, greg, good morning, you did a great job. Like here's all the, here's your next meeting coming up.
Speaker 1Here's this meeting and we're walking back to the office and she looks at me so sweet and so kind she goes just so you know your shirt's on inside out and I was like thank you very much and then she texted me immediately when he went to the next meeting.
Speaker 2She's like Jess, come on. I was like I was at work already. What?
Speaker 1So, yeah, that's my life right there in a nutshell, like 100%.
Speaker 2Which is why the shared calendar part is important.
Speaker 1Yeah, so we're almost 13. So, wives, if you're out there, maybe your husband's different than me, maybe, but if you're out there, just have a little grace, have some patience.
Speaker 1Or vice versa, if the husband is super organized, yeah ever which way you're going hurricane yes it's it's not that I never looked at my calendar and I was thinking I don't care what that woman has to say. Yeah, I don't care what's going on. That was not it at all. I had five million things going on in my life and I would forget to look at that calendar sometimes and be like, oh, I'm supposed to get that kid.
Speaker 2I do too. I'm supposed to get that kid. That was different. It's like oh wait, where's Thomas? Yeah. Bless his little patient sweetheart.
Speaker 1He's a great kid. He's a great adult. Now he is a great patient, sweetheart. He's a great kid.
Speaker 2But what about— he's a great adult now. He is a great adult now. But what about the weekend that we planned to go away? Because it was like a winter break situation for me? It was, and we had some very, very sweet friends of ours. Yes, thank you so much yeah.
Speaker 1Scott and Jim were like hey, we're trying to get away for a couple days. Budget's tight, we're looking for a place, we just want to plan baggage claim like work on the initial start.
Speaker 2They have a place relatively close yeah.
Speaker 1And so he's like go stay there for a couple days. We're like awesome, thank you Awesome. And so we started putting stuff together that day. We were getting ready to go. It was weird. I don't know what happened, but we just it just blew up Like it was a. I don't want to talk to you. Why are we doing this?
Speaker 2I don't want to go out of town with you.
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't even want to be in the car with you and we don't normally fuss like that, and I don't know. If you ask me now what that argument was about, I couldn't tell you.
Speaker 2I have no idea.
Speaker 1But I also went and I was like I just need to go outside. So I went outside and I'm pacing around the front yard and I was like we're freaking going on this trip, like we're going on this trip, and I was inside angrily, like shoving things in my overnight bag.
Speaker 2I'm like I don't want to go. I don't know why I don't want to go Because when you came back in you were like what, what, what.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I was like we're going on this trip and you're like, are you sure? And I was like we are going on this trip, we're going to figure it out on the ride up and we're going to figure it out when we're there. Now we didn't say anything the entire ride up zero, just listen to music. Uh, we got there and we're like. We sat on the couch and watched a documentary and they were just like where do you want to go eat?
Speaker 2okay, I don't know, can we walk to this place? We didn't even talk then, yet yeah, we did.
Speaker 1We started the conversation there and so it just and, and we got okay and then the next couple days were very productive and helping us kick off what bag. So baggage claim started. It was a train wreck. Just so you know, like it's not because you listen to some of these you'd be like, oh yeah, that's awesome. Are you maybe listening to one? These guys are joke, um, wherever you're at well, thank you for listening.
Speaker 2Yeah, still thank you for still listening.
Speaker 1Yeah, but it's just so you know, like we're we're real people trying to figure this out.
Speaker 2And we still, almost 13 years later, we have no idea what we're doing Right, but we do know the pieces and parts that have worked well, and I feel like our kids would say in support of that no, these are the things that you did that worked well.
Speaker 2So, that we all were on the same page and there was never a question of what our goal is, of. We're going to be a healthy family, no matter whose house you live in, on what days or how we got here Like, our goal is to be a healthy family unit together.
Speaker 1Yeah, that was the goal. Always, always, try to keep that at the center going, no matter what. That's what we're going to go back to. That's our true north. Yeah, we're always going to go back to that.
Speaker 2We had no idea how to be step-parents for each other's kids.
Speaker 1Yeah, when to step in, when to step out, when to say something, when not to say something? Yeah, when to get upset over I sent clothes and those clothes never came home. Should I be mad? Should I not be mad? How do we help, support the kids, because the kids are going back and forth with their stuff? There's so many things that we were, and we will talk about all of those things too as we move forward. But at the same time, it's not been an easy road for us. Like, just so you know, like it's not been beautiful paved. There was a time where, even for us, I was in, I was in real estate. I've been in real estate for seven years, so some of my time when I stepped out of 12 Stone, I went into real estate, money was really, really tight for us. I mean, it was, it was bad, like to a point.
Speaker 2There's been bad points yeah there's been bad.
Speaker 1So when you hear the New York story and the California trips and all those, it sounds glamorous. Yeah, just so you know, there was a time where we went and bought groceries and I wrote a check to buy groceries for our kids and I'm not proud of this at all. I'm going to date myself when I say the fact that I wrote a check for groceries. Yeah, you can tell that wasn't yesterday of this at all.
Speaker 2I'm going to say a date myself when I say the fact I wrote a check for groceries. We wrote a check for groceries. Yeah, you can tell that wasn't yesterday. We're not proud of it, but it's funny in the fact of, like we knew we had to feed our kids, Right.
Speaker 1We didn't have lavish cars, we didn't have all those things. It was just, we were just trying to figure it out and I wrote a check, knowing there was no way that check was going to clear the bank, but I was going to buy groceries for the kids, and so that was one of those things You're talking about, one of those moments.
Speaker 2And I remember we sat in the car, we laughed and we cried at the same time.
Speaker 1Yeah, we kind of laughed and cried. It was like what do we do? There was another time. It was shortly thereafter that.
Speaker 2Let me sidebar that. The meals that we would do in those times where it was tight, in the times where it was literally impossible, those meals that we would put together during those times, are still all four of our children. That is their favorite comfort meals and that, just this many years later, I'm going to cry. I mean it just warms my heart because, although it was such a struggle for you and I, we don't know what we're going to do, but our babies have food in their bellies when they go to bed. But they didn't know that.
Speaker 1No, we never talked about that in front of them.
Speaker 2We knew that we didn't need to put that pressure or worry on them and I'm sorry, I'm so emotional.
Speaker 1You don't have to be sorry.
Speaker 2But all four of them, like I said, those meals are their favorite things now and even when the out-of-state baby comes home or the one that's 35 minutes down the road feels like out-of-state comes home. Those are the meals that they request. That makes them feel like I'm home, home. Yeah. And so for us it's a point of, just like I said, worry and doubt and fear, but I'm proud of us because we didn't put that on them Right.
Speaker 1Those are the things I was like oh, we had potato soup you know, on whatever night it was, we could spend $6 on a meal and feed all of our kids.
Speaker 2Yeah, or we had spaghetti once a week and they still all of them loved that.
Speaker 1We hope, maybe they do. Wow.
Speaker 2It's just the fact that, like, although we had no idea what we were doing then and we just did the best we could, there was still positive seeds that were planted.
Speaker 1Right, our whole idea was we're just going to keep moving forward, no matter what Like, no matter how rough it is, how bad it is, we're going to keep moving forward, and I think that's the whole idea is just going to keep moving forward, and we'll talk about budgeting, we'll talk about money in an episode coming up.
Speaker 2Budget is a cuss word. It is.
Speaker 1Jess hates the word budget. I do, but I mean, even in that time and I don't even know if I've shared this with you, but at that same time there was a time where Jess was really sick, yeah, i'm—dang it. And so, as a guy, you want to make sure you—as a man, you want to take care of your family, you want to love on your family, you want to provide them leadership, provide them the basic necessities they wanted. And you were sick and we were—.
Speaker 2As a teacher of littles. Broke Like we were flat broke, I get all the things. We had nothing.
Speaker 1Yeah, at the time we were just getting by and you were sick and you needed to go to urgent care.
Speaker 1Yeah, we didn't have the money and I remember sitting in the closet and I just sat there and I remember sitting in the closet and I just sat there and I weeped as the lights were off and as a as a guy man, that was so humiliating, yeah, and such a humbling moment to go. I can't even provide just simple health care for my wife, like I can't provide for her to go to urgent care just to get something to feel better, and it was just, there was a lot that was going on and so for me it was a. I remember just sitting there, praying and being like, okay, god, I don't want to live here anymore, I'm not going to be in this spot, and we've made changes over the times with him. But just you know, there's storms and there's ups and there's downs and there's seasons, and sometimes those seasons suck and sometimes they're not fun. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they're amazing and we share a lot of amazing seasons on here.
Speaker 2We do, but it's because we work so hard at all of the things that actually matter, which is why we're 14. This is the 14th episode in. We've never talked about money, because we don't really care about money. Yeah, we've never talked about finances or those kinds of things, because that's not what matters. Of course, that money makes the world, world go around, all the things.
Speaker 1But we also realized just a simple statement, though we realized early on that if I, if money was going to be what made us happy, then we were always going to be up and down, yeah, this is going to be bad, like money was not the one thing that was kind of pushing us to be like, oh my gosh, we got to have a whole ton of money in order to make this work. No because, I mean yeah we just it was tough and it was like yeah, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2That wouldn't be the fix all.
Speaker 1Yeah, I read and not to get on this because we may later, but I was reading a book by Chip Gaines, from it's called Capital Gaines.
Speaker 2Gosh, that was so many years ago.
Speaker 1It was a long time ago I got to do that for, like Father's Day or something. Yeah, great book Chip and. Joanna Gaines girls we know, everybody knows who they are.
Speaker 2The whole farmhouse era.
Communication Through Help Me Understand
Speaker 1Yes, so he read a book which I really connected with him because he's just a handsy guy kind of like me, yeah he wrote a whole book about his experience. Yeah, and so he made a statement in that book. That man just resonated with me and he and Joanna he was talking about they had rental properties and money was tight and they were doing a whole lot of things and he said this is a rough estimate. It's been a long time.
Speaker 1So, for some odd reason, if you hear this Chip and you're like bro, that's not what I said, I'm sorry what?
Speaker 2oh my goodness.
Speaker 1But he said uh, he said if I can't, if we decided if we can't be happy with a hundred dollars in our bank account, we'll never be happy with hundreds of thousands of dollars in our bank account. And I went to jess and I was like we have to wrestle that to the ground, like we have to figure this out, like we can't be happy whether we have a huge number in our bank account or we don't. I'm not saying be irrational, be silly or dumb with your money, but at the same time that was not Literally.
Speaker 2if you cannot be happy with one another, if I can't look at you, greg, and say I'm happy being married to you when we have $100 to our name, I'm not going to treasure you and be the same happy with you when there's a million dollars in the bank.
Speaker 1Yeah, and so, just so you guys know listening, that was a huge hurdle for us, yeah, and when we jumped that hurdle we're just like, oh my gosh. Now to say that we didn't see that hurdle again would be a lie, you see it all the time, yeah, and if you've ever been in real estate or been around real estate, you know that it is feast or famine yes, and here lately has been. It feels like it's more famine than feasting.
Speaker 1Yeah, so we're eating a lot of potato soup these days 15 beats, but at the same.
Speaker 2Yeah, buddy, but at the same time, all that to be said like— but I'm still—and I know a lot of the pressure falls on you just because you're the husband and you're the you know, quote-unquote soul provider I'm still just as happy with being your wife, like even currently just being completely transparent. It's like currently it's a famine situation Versus when it's a feast. I'm equally as happy with you as a human being.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 2It's all right, michael, michael our producer had a chair situation and if you hear that, that's okay.
Speaker 1It just goes to show. This is where we're at, man. We're in Thomas' old bedroom.
Speaker 2And it goes with that, trying to figure it out, we had no idea what we were doing.
Speaker 1Yeah, true, so let's get to Unpack. Yeah, let's unpack some of this. Unpack it with me.
Speaker 2Also, there will be portions coming up where Michael, our producer, yeah we're getting him a mic.
Speaker 1Yes, we are, because we want Mike to be a part of this. Oh well, michael, does anybody call you Mike? No, some people do Some people. Michael, michael, michael.
Speaker 4Mike, nobody should call you Mike, but I will say if I can say something.
Speaker 1You can say anything you want.
Speaker 2Can I turn my microphone to you? Will that be helpful?
Speaker 4I don't think that'll help Okay. As I get older, hearing y'all's perspective and you can kind of repeat what I'm saying Okay, there is significant meaning and understanding in my perspective of going through those famines. What do you say?
Speaker 2Repeat that, because you're good at that.
Speaker 1Okay. So Michael basically is saying as he's getting older he can understand the perspective and appreciate it more as going through those famines.
Speaker 2When he was growing up.
Speaker 1Yeah, as he was growing up through.
Speaker 4Because I feel like the more I hear from you guys and the more I reflect on my own life growing up, every parent, regardless of what generation I mean you look back history thousands of years. What parent knows everything? Right?
Speaker 2Michael was saying if you look back across history, there's what parent knows everything while we're parenting.
Speaker 1Here's what I don't trust People who think they know everything Nobody does Like if I'm in a church and I come across a pastor who's like you need to do this, this, this and this, and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do any of that because I don't trust you. Like if you think if you have your life. That Okay, sorry, maybe not all that there's pieces of yes. Like when you think you have your entire life, when you think you have it figured out.
Speaker 4That's the key point and when you don't have any of it figured out. Yes, I think one of the biggest things that has changed in my life is being able to be okay and accept where you are.
Speaker 2It's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 1Who's that Jelly Roll sings that I am not okay, he does he does sing that song, yeah.
Speaker 2But being okay, Shout out hashtag jelly roll Big fan.
Speaker 4You're living where you are, but knowing, you want and desire to move forward and you proceed to move forward. Yeah, right. That is what makes a significant change when you're living in a famine. Yep. Okay, well, are we just always going to be in a famine Right Right, or are well, are we just always going to be in a famine Right Right, or are we acknowledging where we are? Because if you're not, Coming together as a family unit and moving forward.
Speaker 2Because if you're not trying, you're failing.
Speaker 1Well, if you're not failing, you're not trying. Maybe that's why.
Speaker 4It goes both ways. I would say it that way. Yes, no-transcript. It goes both ways.
Speaker 1I would say it that way yes, yeah because the idea is that and what Michael was saying is, if you're in a famine, you can look at that and look at those times and say man, this is hard, this is tough. One thing I've learned is no one's going to show up on your front door and solve all your problems. No one's going to show up on your front door with the old school check when they had and it's like, oh, thanks, for what is that?
Speaker 2sweepstakes things. Here's your big clearing house. Yeah, it's like hey, here's your check. You had a magically uncle that passed away and here's your check for whatever.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's never happened to me, so it's always been one of those realization moments of going I don't like where I'm at. I want to be different. So I'm going to figure out a plan for how to be different and I'm going to work my butt off to be different. And I'm going to fail along the way, and that's okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, because if you're not failing, you're not trying what we were saying in the beginning. And another thing of when you're not stuck in your situation, where you're trying to improve or this or that, when we're parenting our children, just to kind of bring it back to where we don't know what we're doing. We've never been stuck in our opinion when it comes to working with our kids as the whole group of them and individually.
Speaker 1Because sometimes they're right and I'm like, yeah, you're right, I'm wrong.
Speaker 2I was wrong in that. Even if we don't want to admit that they're right sometimes they actually are.
Speaker 1Yeah, and you've got to kind of accept that and say, yeah, you're right, I missed that, I was wrong on that, and move forward. And that's hard as a parent because you want to feel like you have it figured out, but it's also too saying I don't have it figured out.
Speaker 2No, you're right. I missed that, have we?
Speaker 1always been quick or easy to say oh wait, we're wrong. I've tried, man. That's one of the hardest things.
Speaker 2It is hard.
Speaker 1Man, I've sat at the table, at our table, our kitchen table. I can't count on two hands. How many times have I looked at a kid and go? I screwed that up and I'm sorry.
Speaker 2I messed up. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1Yeah, I did that, I was wrong.
Speaker 2And that's hard. I feel like it would be hard for adults in general. Yeah, just a human in the world.
Speaker 1Well, because it's letting go of yourself.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's hard for adults to be like no wait, I messed that up, that was bad. But then if you're if you're I mean from our point of view if you're trying really, really hard to do the right thing all the time and to be selfless, it's hard to get to the place where it was like no, I really could have done better.
Speaker 1Yeah, because I thought I knew better. Yeah, I agree. So anything else to unpack?
Speaker 2What do you do when you fail?
Speaker 1You get up Because that's the part that matters, that's the part that matters. Yeah, here's the thing too, that people don't do a lot of. And this is that whole self-reflection thing on sitting down and going. Okay, I screwed that up. What could we have done different? What should I have done different? How do we not find ourselves in this place again?
Speaker 2But what you just said is not the norm. The norm is I'm going to dig my heels in, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm the grown-up, you're the kid, or whatever the case may be. How do you decide and this is a question for you how do you decide to just dig your heels in? This is where I'm standing and this is my opinion. Or how do you decide to okay, wait, maybe pieces of what you are saying are correct or right and what you feel is right? How do you decide to dig your heels in versus make some changes for growth to move forward? How have we done that?
Speaker 1I'm not Okay.
Speaker 2How are we trying to do that?
Speaker 1I'm not so much a dig my heels in and say I'm right, you're wrong kind of guy? No, you're not.
Speaker 1I want to understand what your thoughts are and your perspective is and how you got there. So I'm going to ask a lot of questions on the fact of how did you get to there? Like, please help me understand how you feel that way, how you think that way. I want to know what it is like if I've done something wrong. Yeah, tell me, like be specific, but tell me what it is that I've done wrong so I can make a change.
Speaker 2a second I'm gonna be like a you're my first grader. I'm gonna pause you because one of the and probably was like well, we got married and we knew each other eight months, maybe a few weeks in you would say help me understand. You're laughing, that was one of the big phrases. Help me understand, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it annoyed me to all get out at first because I never had anybody do that to me.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Which is part of my communication growth, which we touched on in other episodes. But literally, help me understand. We don't know what we're doing. I don't know what we're doing. I don't know what I'm doing. Help me understand how you have arrived to this point or idea or whatever, as annoying as it is, that's helpful.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Even when you—.
Speaker 1Well, it is for me, because I don't know what I don't know. So maybe I've done or said something that was offensive or wrong. I don't know that, so please help me understand what I've said or done that pushed you to that point and if I'm wrong, I'm going to say you're right, I screwed that up. But if, in the same sense, going that doesn't make sense to me, can we unpack that a little more? Can we dig into that? Like I always say, everything has a root, every single thing has a root, it does.
Speaker 1You just got to keep pulling, and pulling, and pulling until you get to the root, and that's not fun.
Speaker 2No, it's awful and I had to learn that. I mean, I realized after we had gotten together I was awful at communicating and it was. I didn't mean to what.
Speaker 1Michael has something he wants to add. Producer Michael.
Speaker 4Speaking on specifically the phrase help me understand.
Speaker 2Is that literally help me?
Speaker 4How would you speak to someone? Just because I think we've all relatively been there in this concept. Are the mics picking you up? Probably not. You'll have to rephrase what I'm saying. How do you speak into someone who does live in? That mindset of my opinion is what's right and that's what needs to be moving forward oh wow. So how do you rephrase that? How do you take that mindset to saying?
Speaker 2help me understand our plans moving forward is to give producer michael his own microphone for this specific.
Speaker 1So we can push back and ask these questions which I love.
Speaker 2I love the back and forth.
Speaker 1So Michael asked a question.
Speaker 2When you're interacting Producer Michael.
Speaker 1Producer Michael, that's it. That's awesome. So when you have someone that you're communicating with or talking with and they think their opinion is right and they think that, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what you said, how do you use that phrase to have them understand, when they feel like they're right and their logic or their thoughts are truth?
Speaker 4And it's both sides. It's both sides, one being hey on side A saying hey, my opinion is right, this is what we must do. Side B being hey, maybe it's someone that thinks their opinion is right. How do I communicate that?
Speaker 2So Michael's saying like both sides. One side thinks they're right, the other side thinks they're right. I feel like, even for my own self, who was awful at communication, the phrase help me understand that doesn't say to the recipient I'm right, you're wrong. Let me tell you why you're wrong. It's I'm open to receiving what you're feeling in your thought process so that I can match it to mine.
Speaker 1No, you had to be curious to know. Everyone arrives at an opinion and a thought, and their truth and their perspective.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And they arrive from so many different variables oh for crying out loud their environment, the way they grew up, the way that they were raised by their grandparents, their interactions with all those people. There's so many.
Conspiracy Theories and Closing Thoughts
Speaker 2And then, on top of what you said, we put together our marriage experiences, right, all of the layers. You just said yes, and then you put together all of that.
Speaker 1So here's how I would, honestly, here's how I would approach that. I don't know if you remember the episode where I did the point the finger in the sky and spin and then come down and talk about your perspective.
Speaker 2Yeah, when you're looking at it. Can you redefine that? Okay, so in one episode Michael, the producer said can you redefine that?
Speaker 1Yeah, so in an episode I asked people to, wherever you're at, put your finger point toward the sky wherever you're at it. Put your finger point toward the sky wherever you're at, and you can do that now. If you're there, I'm doing it. Point your finger toward the sky and start spinning clockwise if you don't know which way is clockwise and when it's a right to left, just hit pause and go to a different podcast.
Speaker 1So I'm just kidding so if you're, you're clockwise and you and you want to bring that down and as you're on YouTube, you can see us doing it. And so you're coming down, you're bringing it down in front of you until it's below you and you're looking down at it. Which way is that going Towards yourself? It's counterclockwise. So nothing changed other than the way you're looking at it. So, in a sense, where someone says I'm right, you're wrong, I'm like what if you're looking underneath and I'm looking from above?
Speaker 2Which is where the famous Greg Peck phrase of help me understand.
Speaker 1So that would be where I would start and say this is right, you're right and this is right. Like what if we're both right? That's true. And what if we're just looking at it in a different way? So can you tell me why you see that the way that you see that, why you see this truth the way that you see this truth? Now, there's different and people, so there's those areas that we have to dig into. But for me it's like God, man, it's curiosity. Be curious about the way people work, the way they think, the way they act. Don't be so judgmental and quick to the answer.
Speaker 2That's natural for you, but it was not natural for me.
Speaker 1No, it's not natural for a lot. I learned that though I really, really spent a lot of years trying to hone that craft and skill.
Speaker 2Because that's what you were after.
Speaker 1Yeah, because one, it was something that I was really passionate about, right, and I really was curious because I love like. I mean, I met this guy. I met this side note and we won't get into it but I met a guy in the middle of the woods in western North Carolina who had on a pair of blue jean shorts, no shirt, was drinking a Budweiser and had a 9mm in his hand and we walked up and he said I buried Bigfoot's baby, bigfoot's baby. And I was like I want to talk to this guy Because I was so curious. What's your name? Yeah, I was like this dude is so interesting.
Speaker 1Yeah, so I was like I want to go for it, so for me that's just a curiosity for people.
Speaker 2For you you wanted to investigate that man, but for me I would have done about face and gone back. I wouldn't even have been on the trail in the first place, as just me personally. But that's the thing it's like if when you're listening to us and you're like what makes you work for who you are, it's. I appreciate that part of you and it took you a little bit more time, but you've understood that that part of me is not as prominent.
Speaker 1Right, everybody doesn't think and act the way.
Speaker 2I do Because we don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1Right, yeah, and we're still trying to figure this out Like we're learning every day. So again, wherever you're at. Can I, before we jump into questions, yeah, I have a question for you. Awesome, I'm so excited. Actually, I am so excited, actually, I'm so excited. So, wherever you're at in your marriage, if it's a blended family, it's not a blended family. Whatever it may be, I just want to encourage you. If you're failing, congratulations, you're doing something.
Speaker 2You're trying because if you're failing, you're trying.
Speaker 1Yeah way to go. Keep moving. Here's what I say. Evaluate why you fail, talk about it, be honest with yourself and then move forward and be honest with one another. Yeah, and let your pride down. Let all those things down and just be honest and move forward. And so that's what life is about period, whether it's marriage, whether it's work, professionally fail, figure it out, make corrections do it again.
Speaker 2It's okay to fail. Do something different. Tell yourself that while you're failing, yeah this is okay, we're doing something.
Speaker 1All right, give me a question. We're going to wrap it up with a question.
Speaker 2If you could make a documentary that millions of people saw across the world, what would it be about? Don't say Bigfoot, with all the love in my heart. If you could make a documentary that millions of people across the world would see, what would it be about? I mean, I immediately have my own answer.
Speaker 1Okay, give me yours.
Speaker 2What do teachers actually deal with? That's a documentary, yeah, and why do we?
Speaker 1not get paid enough. That's a documentary.
Speaker 2Yeah. And why do we not get paid enough?
Speaker 1It's not about the money. I don't think you guys are underpaid. I don't say it just because you're my wife.
Speaker 2People don't understand the millions of points of pressure that teachers deal with on a daily basis.
Speaker 1My documentary. What would it be about?
Speaker 2Oh my God, that's so different from yours. Oh my gosh, you keep giggling. What would it be?
Speaker 1about Okay, so I have this thing. I don't sleep a whole lot, so I'm pretty sure I have insomnia, or some. I feel like you probably do Some form of like I don't sleep well, but anyway I go into these deep dives of. So my whole documentary would be what if conspiracy theories really aren't conspiracy theories? What if they're truth?
Speaker 2Oh gosh, I would watch that documentary. That means you're a conspiracy theorist. No, no, no.
Speaker 1Why did conspiracy theory become such a negative word? Because all it is is a thought process, for what if? But the problem is that— it's a what if statement, not a—. There's so many things.
Speaker 2Babe, we're sitting closer than I'm used to sitting.
Speaker 1I know now you can put your hands on me. You can actually grab me now. I'm touching his arm to make him stop talking.
Speaker 2But the problem is that some conspiracy theories are true.
Speaker 1Yes, agreed, a thousand.
Speaker 2Yeah, I would say there's a lot of, I think there's a lot of them that are Now.
Speaker 1I think there's some out there that are just like bro, that's whacked, but I still listen to it. Yeah, like Now, I think there's some out there that are just like bro, that's whacked, but I still listen to it because I'm just curious. I'm just like you believe that.
Speaker 2So your whole documentary. Documentary I've used all my words and syllables today. Documentary idea is conspiracy theories, Bro. If we could dice documentaries. I would 100% watch that Producer Michael, if you got involved in that idea, it would be.
Speaker 4Oh, it would seem like yeah.
Speaker 2I love that it would literally consume your whole life, can I?
Speaker 1tell you what a deep dive I spent the other night. I got into the deep dive theory of if the moon landing really happened and I spent it was like 4 o'clock in the morning and then we watched and I'm still like I have to go to bed because I get up at 6.15.
Speaker 2I literally was like I'm going to bed. We watched that movie Fly Me to the Moon. Yeah, it was a really good movie, it was Scarlett Johansson.
Speaker 1Yeah, it piques my curiosity, I'm not saying one way or the other. I can understand why people think that's fake.
Speaker 2We're not getting into that, but anyway, yeah we're not going there.
Speaker 1This is not. Maybe if Sean Ryan goes, I'll go talk to him about it Sean Ryan, I'm just kidding, if he keeps saying his name over and over again.
Speaker 2Will you listen?
Speaker 1to him.
Speaker 2No, he'll call us and tell us to F off.
Speaker 1We're not important in this world. But Anyway, I love that dude.
Speaker 2Anyway, all right, so we love you guys that are actually listening to us.
Speaker 1If you're still, listening to this man. You're my friend. Thank you. Thank you, I will buy you a drink. If you run into me in public, I will buy you a drink. Okay, I promise yes. So anyway, thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part of tonight.
Speaker 2Thank you for listening to the idea that we have no idea what we're doing With a podcast and our life.
Speaker 1Yeah, and so let that resonate with you. So when you think your life is falling apart and it's just crowded, just be like hey, it's okay, Just keep moving.
Speaker 2It's okay because you can have fun when you don't know what you're doing. Yeah, we have for 13 years.
Speaker 1Yeah just enjoy smile and life. I mean enjoy smile and laugh. I mean, man, if you're sucking air and always say, hey man, I'm above ground.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's a good day. It's a good day If it's a day you get to be inside that day, it's a good day.
Speaker 1So love you guys. Yes thank you Thank you so much for all you people who are listening all over the place. Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2Thank you for dude, just thank you for dude, just thank you for listening, and if you, if you come up with a comment, or even if it's just like a we love what you're doing or this specific thing helped us, we would love to hear back from everybody baggageclaimpodcast is that it on instagram.
Speaker 1I literally don't know if you go to um, you can find us on instagram. You can find us on tiktok. You can find us on Instagram you can find us on TikTok.
Speaker 2You can find us on Facebook. Old people.
Speaker 1Facebook old people Facebook.
Speaker 4So make sure you. What are you doing?
Speaker 2so make sure you we gotta go, just DM us, it's just a cool night and we appreciate you and thank you so much and we absolutely love that you're a part of our podcast adios, amigos, family, goodnight goodnight.
Speaker 1Thank you so much and we absolutely love that you're part of our podcast. Adios amigos, good night, good night.
