Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Small Steps, Real Change: A Year-End Marriage Check-In
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
New years don’t remake us—honest reflection does. We open the door on our own wins and survival moments from the past year and share a simple, judgment-free way to review your relationship so you can grow without beating yourselves up. Think of it like a workshop, not a courtroom: identify what worked, name what cost more than you expected, and choose tiny steps that add up to real change.
We start with communication—the place most couples stumble. Where did you avoid instead of engage? How often did assumptions replace questions? A small phrase, “help me understand,” can disarm defensiveness and invite curiosity. We also get real about phones. Six hours a day on average adds up to two full days a week. That’s time you could reinvest into no-phone dinners, date nights, or a simple walk around the block. Presence is a choice, and structure helps: phone baskets at meals, no phones on dates, and a weekly check-in you both protect.
Time and attention tell the truth about your values. If your calendar is chaos, it’s time to realign. We talk through practical ways to schedule connection like any other priority—wall calendars, planned getaways, and recurring moments that survive busy seasons. Then we dive into emotional connection: processing feelings, avoiding numbing, and asking for help when the bag is too heavy to unpack alone. Healthy partnerships are built by people who keep doing their own inner work.
Finally, we outline conflict skills that lower the temperature and raise understanding. Drop “always” and “never.” Call timeouts and return on purpose. Aim to make a difference, not just make a point. You don’t need a perfect year to have a strong relationship—you need a rhythm of reflection and a few small, stubborn steps toward each other. Grab our free reflection worksheet via the link on our Instagram, share this episode with someone who’ll do it with you, and if you’re local to North Georgia, reach out about hosting our live 50th episode. If this helped, subscribe, share, and leave a review so more couples can find it.
Welcome And New Year Setup
SPEAKER_03Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
SPEAKER_04And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
SPEAKER_03What's up, Baggage Claim? How's everybody doing out there today? If your first time here, I want to say welcome to Baggage Claim. This is a place where we're hoping to create some community and conversations around relationships, families, blended families, and all those things in between. So if you're a regular here, you know the drill. Take a deep breath. Just relax. Grab your favorite drink, whatever that may be, and pull up to the table with us. No matter where you're at, proverbially pull up to the table. Just join us as we jump into some conversation tonight about marriage and looking for looking back. Well, just relationships, actually. This doesn't just be marriage, but where you're at. We're going to kind of look back and look forward because it is a new year. Happy New Year, by the way.
SPEAKER_05Yes, happy new year.
SPEAKER_03Hope everybody had a great holidays and we'll sort of kind of get back into the rhythm of things around here and around life. And uh so it's fun. So we're talking about something kind of uh January is kind of a the turn of the year is kind of a new thing for me. It's for me, not a new thing, because I've been doing it for uh 50 something odd years. Um but I always it it's a it's almost like a fresh start, it's like uh a time just to reflect back to kind of everything, it gets really, really busy up until Christmas, and then right after Christmas it kind of slows down.
SPEAKER_05Thank goodness for us.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Lighthearted Would-You-Rathers
SPEAKER_05Before we jump in, do you have a question for Christmas?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Question time.
SPEAKER_05Question time.
SPEAKER_03Dude, I felt like I was on point right there. You nailed that. That was a great thing. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Uh would you rather oh I just had this just popped up in my head. Uh-oh. Would you rather go to Times Square on New Year's or go to Nashville for the country thing thing they have in Nashville? Which one would you rather do?
SPEAKER_05Nashville for sure.
SPEAKER_03Okay. How about you, Mike? I think I'd definitely say Nashville. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I would do Nashville. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So nobody's New York.
SPEAKER_05Well, do you know what they do? Diapers. Right. You have to start lining up and put a diaper at Nashville. No, that's not what we're talking about. I was a kid. I don't think in Times Square. In order to be there, you had to start um corralling people and once like early in the morning and they stay in there all day. You can't leave. If you leave, they won't let you back in.
SPEAKER_00My brother did that one time because my sister-in-law's birthday is December 31st. And so they went to Times Square for her birthday, and they loved it, but their description sounded like a nightmare.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I would imagine.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't.
SPEAKER_03I mean, one, I think the the people performing at the Nashville one this past year.
SPEAKER_05It was great.
SPEAKER_03It was really, really good. Way better than the one that was in New Year's New York.
SPEAKER_052024 New Year's Eve was great.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_05Wait, am I saying it the right way?
SPEAKER_03I don't know.
SPEAKER_05I don't know.
SPEAKER_032023, 24? I don't know. 23, 24? All right.
SPEAKER_05Well, the other last time we watched the Nashville one, it was great. Right. Okay. But also, would you rather Okay?
SPEAKER_03Oh, sorry, you go ahead.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, the other one. Would you rather stay home and ring in the new year or go to a party or whatever?
SPEAKER_00Stay home and go buy at least two or three hundred dollars worth of fireworks and explode stuff all night long.
SPEAKER_02All right, nice. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Smoking like a true southerner. That's right. That's right.
SPEAKER_03If you're from the South and it's any time, you're looking, everybody's looking for a reason to set off fireworks.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Any reason.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Someone literally was setting off fireworks Christmas Eve at 1201 in the city of Gainesville.
SPEAKER_05I'm like, Which is illegal here. But it's just so mean.
SPEAKER_00It's only illegal if you get caught.
SPEAKER_05Well, it's true. But I just we we're grandparents, and so we were like, that is so mean because there's babies that need to be asleep. If I was Santa to come, but also they were throwing them out a car window. Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_03Somebody was driving down the road, throwing them out the window in people's driveways.
SPEAKER_05That's including ours.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I'd I think I'd rather stay. I think I'd rather stay home. Honestly. What would you do?
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah. I do get an opinion. Stay home. Chill.
SPEAKER_00We're a bunch of homebodies.
SPEAKER_05We are.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Well, I mean, it doesn't mean you stay home and do nothing.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00Like you still partied up and like enjoy ushering the new year.
SPEAKER_02I want to clean. Oh my gosh. Give me the mic. That's clean.
SPEAKER_00She said stay home and clean for New Year's Eve. Yeah, you're not allowed to talk on the mic anymore. No.
Podcast Milestones And Audience Growth
SPEAKER_05We're going to reflect, like we were saying a minute ago. We're going to reflect a little bit on this past year, which we haven't been doing this a solid year, but um and during the year 2025 that we've been doing baggage claim, we want to reflect on that.
Live 50th Episode Venue Callout
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we started, we started baggage claim on February the 8th of last year, literally sitting in our kitchen table. Um and we were we were like, we're just gonna start this, see what happens, see if anyone listens and just see how it goes from there. And we're man, it's kind of crazy. We are actually uh 18 different countries, 196 different cities, um all over the place. We just hit uh the most downloads we've had in a month in the month of December. We didn't just beat it, we demolished it. Um, which is awesome, which means people are listening and sharing. Um, I want to say this off the get-go because I know we're gonna get into the topic and I'm gonna forget. Um if you are in the North Georgia area and you know anyone who has a venue or you own a venue and you want to let us um use it for one afternoon, we'll be in an off hour, uh, whatever that may be on like a Saturday or whatever an off time looks like for you.
SPEAKER_05In February.
SPEAKER_03Yes, sometime in February, uh probably earlier February.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh we're recording our 50th episode and we want to have a live audience.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh we're going to push everywhere who the venue is, we'll push that venue as much as we can um to our audience and get people to just show up. And we're just gonna do a live live show. It'll take about an hour and a half, two hours. But if you're out there and you're like, hey, I know a place, or I have a connection, or hey, I'd love to host. Yeah, uh, we would love to connect with you because we want to support local businesses also and uh push them as much as we can. So if you know that, DM us at um at Instagram, uh, our Facebook, or just on our personal accounts. If you know Jess or I and your friends with us on Facebook or Instagram or anywhere else, just or text us. Yeah, just straight up text us if you know our number. So we would love to meet somewhere in the North George area just to just to kind of host that because we're trying to plan that event and we we need that to happen pretty quick. So we're trying to push to get a venue as soon as possible.
SPEAKER_05So we're gonna switch gears from reflecting a little bit less on baggage claim and kind of go for the good stuff of learning how to reflect on marriage.
SPEAKER_03We like to uh Jess and uh are trying to do this thing. I don't say we like to because it doesn't, it's not a whole light. But we're trying to start this thing where we I don't say like a business meeting, but we look back at what we did pretty well, what we sucked at, what we needed help with, and then we want to look forward and go, okay, what can we do different? What do we want to like? What are some of the good things we want to do in next year? What are some of the things we want to get rid of? And just kind of do a little emotional baggage clean, uh clean out.
SPEAKER_05We're not trying to give each other a grade on how well you did.
SPEAKER_03No, it's not, and it's also not about beating yourself up, it's all about just kind of reflecting on and just thinking back and taking a second to notice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And just kind of, hey, what are those things? Let's put name to those, let's look at those. And so, because if we don't, we know what's gonna happen. We're just gonna turn around and repeat the same things we did this past year. And we're like, we just want to continually get better, we want to grow through that.
SPEAKER_05Now, one of the things that we like to do is talk about wins.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_05So, what's a win for us this year?
SPEAKER_03Man, what is a win for us? These are these are questions we literally have not answered. So, as we're going through this podcast, you may be like, come on, man, you're better prepared than that.
SPEAKER_05No, we're not. Um baggage claim is my answer.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I would say it's been way more than I thought it was gonna be.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I will say though, baggage claim was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
Wins, Survival Seasons, And Holidays
SPEAKER_03Um recording 43 episodes. This is the 43rd episode. It is. Uh recording 43 episodes is a lot of work. It is a lot of work. It's a and there's a lot of people behind the scenes that help us pull this off and make this happen. And that's a I mean, it's just it's a lot to it. It is, but it's it's definitely a win. So yeah.
SPEAKER_05And sometimes we also think about like, do we have a season of survival? And I'll just be honest, this whole calendar year feels like it's been a season of survival.
SPEAKER_03It really has. It's been one of those years, like it's just been different. Yeah. I was like, you know, I'm gonna find me a job. I'm gonna find a job. I look, I I bet I I can't tell you how many places I applied this year. And just not sometimes I got the middle finger, sometimes I didn't even get that. I just it was just like a okay. Then I realized, okay, I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm just gonna do something else. Yeah. Um, and so it was just like we were there was a lot, a lot of trust and a lot of yeah, we're just gonna keep moving forward. That's what we're just gonna do. And we don't know what that looks like, but we're just gonna keep doing that.
SPEAKER_05We did it, we made it.
SPEAKER_03We did. I uh we cleaned the house of all of our Christmas decorations the like day after my birthday, which is the 28th. So it's three days after Christmas. We took everything down, and you were just so you're like, I loved Christmas. Christmas this year was so good though. It was like I in the sense of family and time we got to spend together with with family. This Thanksgiving and this Christmas felt like wins for us. Like Thanksgiving was I couldn't, I couldn't have planned it any better.
SPEAKER_05Couldn't have asked for anything better.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, just hanging out, spending time together uh with family and friends is just is really, really cool.
SPEAKER_05So yeah, cleaning out the cleaning out all the Christmas decorations and getting the house back in order. I was just like, okay, I'm ready to close the close this chapter on Christmas.
SPEAKER_03You really were.
SPEAKER_05I felt stressed out. I had a hard time uh internally a lot of the time. I had a hard time like just enjoying it. Yeah, I just I don't know. It was just it was just different for me.
SPEAKER_03We waited to buy Christmas gifts this year.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, it has so much to do with it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it put a lot of stress on us, and so it's just a lot going on.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And this is also too whether you're I mean, you don't have to be married or in a relationship. This is an exercise you can do solely by yourself, just looking back on your on your year. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Because it's not just, you know, reflecting, it's it's giving yourself some tools and awareness to to move forward as you go. Because um, reflecting sometimes can cause feelings of shame if you've made mistakes.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think as a as like we just have in the conversation with Miranda earlier today, like our natural tendency is to beat ourselves up.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so when we look back and we notice those things that we're not happy with, our first inclination is to feel shame or guilt, and then we beat it, beat ourselves up over it. And it's like, that's that's not the point of this. Like reflection is a good thing, but there has to come some uh learning, something, some some growth comes out. If growth comes out of it, that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, just leave the guilt and the shame alone.
Reflection Without Shame Or Grades
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and you have to be careful too, which I think you and I have always done a good job of this when we reflect at the end of the year, which we have been doing this for several years. Um, it's just to talk about an awareness and it's not to bring up accusations. It's not a, you know, I wish you would do this more, or why don't you, those type things. It's just it's an making sure you're aware. What you're doing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because the the, I mean, the reality is we're both in this together. So, or if you're in like if you're by yourself, it's a little easier to go, well, why didn't I spend more time working out? You don't really have anybody else to blame. For me, I could be like, Yeah, I have time. I'm always doing this, this, this, and this, and this around the house. But in all reality, it's it's on me. But there's a and so it's here's the here's the hardest part about all of this. I I think this is my opinion. So you can take it for what it's worth. The hardest part for this uh to be the most helpful growth is you have to be 100% honest with yourself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And sometimes that's really, really hard. And sometimes you want to tell yourself these stories in your head of like, well, I just didn't have any time. And be like, is that really true? Right. Or is it just I just didn't want it bad enough? Right. Um, that I just not want that. Like, it I mean, you got you gotta be honest, and that's that's hard.
SPEAKER_05It is hard. Um, so for our listeners, I want you to just kind of pause and think before we kind of dive in. There's three areas where we're gonna um kind of dive in a little deeper, but I want you to think about yes, sir.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna ask you if you if you do pause, like if you're in a marriage, if you're listening to this, a husband or wife or everyone's listening to it, send this to your wife or your significant other, get them to listen to it, and you guys walk through these questions together. We're gonna have uh something at the end that we're gonna tell you how you can actually get that that helps work you through this. If you're single and you're not in a relationship, listen to this and then send this to a friend or somebody else, let them listen to it and sit down and have coffee because there's a worksheet that we have that we developed that goes with this, and just walk through this worksheet together just as a way to help somebody to help keep you accountable and help you walk through that.
SPEAKER_05So uh um a good frame of mind for all of this and the exercise is for you to think about what did work this past year.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
Communication: Assumptions And Phone Distractions
SPEAKER_05And then also think about what costs us more than what we realized, choices that we've made, like at what cost. So it's gonna sometimes these may be kind of hard to answer. And I mean, also when I'm asking these questions, it's not always like, hey, Greg, answer this question. It's kind of like a rhetorical in a sense, but it's just to get your thoughts going. Um but the three areas that we're gonna talk about are communication, it's our favorite, time and attention, and emotional connection.
SPEAKER_03I love attention.
SPEAKER_05Yes, you do. And an emotional connection.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_05So communication, that's a hard one for marriage. We've talked how many, good gracious, how many straight up that's a hard one for anybody. Well, I don't care if you're for humans, it's hard.
SPEAKER_03I don't care if you're if you're married. I I literally had this conversation with my uh son-in-law. We went and did a cold plunge up in the mountains at Blue Hole Falls up in North Georgia. We went to go jump in this ridiculously cold water and just hang out for a little bit. But we were talking about the communication aspect of how cell phones have helped kill relationships. Like we don't really know how to communicate. Like we were saying, what brought it up is we're sitting there eating lunch, and there was two tables sitting right beside us, and everybody had on headphones, and everybody had their cell phones. And they're all sitting at the table and they're just like then why are you with other people? Yeah, it's just so interesting. I was like, this is crazy. Like, what's their marriage gonna like? What are their dating relationships look like? What's their marriage gonna look like? Yeah, um, what are our marriages as as couples, even because of family? Because for me, I have this stupid addiction to a stupid games on my phone. And if I have a a game on my phone, if I'm sitting on the couch, I'll play the stupid game.
SPEAKER_05You have two now, I've noticed.
SPEAKER_03I know I I I am such an addict because I'll delete them and then I'll go like a couple weeks without them. I'll just be sitting there and I'll find myself downloaded them. And there I am playing again. I'm like, no, stop it.
SPEAKER_05Um I'm still game free on my phone for years.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but Instagram takes the place of your games except. But it's the the the thing is I'm reflecting, I'm not arguing.
SPEAKER_05Thank you for letting me have that awareness, Greg.
unknownYou're welcome.
SPEAKER_03But our phones, man, they have we we get these things because we're supposed to be more connected, we're supposed to be have more access. But actually, in reality, it it it almost pushes us onto an island and it kills our connectivity with other people so many times. And it's just like that's such a hard thing, just to go, man, just just talk to people, ask, ask questions. Like communication is hard. Yeah, where's the curiosity in that? Like, I want to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, how you got there. Um, I know that's weird to a lot of people. They're like, I don't care, and I don't want to know. And I'm like, okay, cool, but it's gonna be hard on you.
SPEAKER_05So here's some questions to think about.
SPEAKER_03Yes, I'll get off my soapbox.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you you climbed up there real fast. Really fast.
SPEAKER_03I jumped up there, yes.
SPEAKER_05So um I had to think about this just with our own marriage, and I still don't really have an answer. Um, or this first question is where did we avoid rather than engage? Like, are there topics that feel off limits for you? And really, yeah. Really? Are you gonna elaborate on that?
SPEAKER_00Are you gonna answer?
Help Me Understand: A Better Script
SPEAKER_03That's that's a great question. If I'm saying it's off limits, but yeah, I'm about to share it with 18 different countries here. You might want to be careful. No, I um we have differencing opinions on sometimes how we interact with our kids, um and trying to manage that in a way that I honor you, but I want to get the point across, but I want to feel like I'm cutting you down in the process, if that makes sense. It does. Um, and so that's there's so many times I want to say something, I'm like, yeah, I'm just not gonna say that. And I just let it go when um, but if we're not careful, you know, it just it just creeps in.
SPEAKER_05That's true.
SPEAKER_03So that's true. That's one for me.
SPEAKER_05Um had how do you think that a lot of couples, which I think already know the answers, do you think that there's a lot of assuming rather than asking clarifying questions?
SPEAKER_03I think there's 90% assuming.
SPEAKER_05I do too.
SPEAKER_03Um and I think we've we've both talked about that. We're like, if you can settle two issues in your marriage, I'll bet a lot of money that you can be pretty successful if you manage expectations and and work on communication.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You do those two things in your relationships. I don't care if you're single, married, whatever it is. That's so true. I think if you're working uh in a working relationship, you manage expectations and other words express what you're looking for, they express what they're looking for and what they need, and then you communicate it in a way that's helpful.
SPEAKER_05One of the I think one of my favorite podcast episodes that we've ever done was the help me understand. Because although I like to give you a hard time because you use that phrase a lot, but it's so true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05If you can really truly exercise that with your significant other or family members, friends, like it doesn't even matter. Rather than just assuming or jumping to conclusions to actually practice communicating, help me understand is a really good way to do that.
SPEAKER_03Well, because we uh the world we're living in is is trying to divide us even more, like no matter where we're at and what we're doing. we're in. And it's like the idea is that you have a different you grew up differently. Um you had different parents, different, I mean different environments. We all do. And so then when you put those two together and you're expected to communicate on the same level with the same expectations. It's just that's asinine to think that that's going to work. So it's almost like I I I want to understand how you got there. Like how'd you get to that thinking? We just don't. We just assume everyone thinks and acts the same way we do.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm. That's true.
SPEAKER_03So we always used to tell our kids all the time hey the world's bigger than our house. Everybody in the world doesn't think the same way your house thinks I mean we preach that all the time. So we're always telling our kids get out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Time And Attention: Values Vs. Schedule
SPEAKER_03Because the world the world's bigger than our house it's different. That's true. But yeah I'd agree with that.
SPEAKER_05So the second area is time and attention. That's a hard one.
SPEAKER_03What is it all those good old Southern Baptist preachers be like, you show me your calendar and I'll show you what's important to you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Or you show me your checkbook.
SPEAKER_03Yeah checkbook that gives more checkbook calendar. Which I mean there's a lot of truth in that. Like if you really want to know you know they say hey do the uh the food diary so you write down every single thing that you do which is not fun and it's it's very eye-opening. The same is true for your time. If you really want to know where to spend your time document every minute of your day and just look at what you do. That's a hard exercise it's not fun.
SPEAKER_05And a big question for you to ask yourself is does your schedule reflect your values or does your schedule cause you stress? Because if it does doesn't reflect your values and it causes you stress then what are you doing?
SPEAKER_03Yeah that's a hard question.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's one of those where being honest is really really hard but very very important. Because a lot of people we we talk about I mean you ask you especially with guys you meet a guy you're like hey what's up blah blah blah really quick off the hand so what do you do? You know and it's like we attach so much of who we are to what we do. But it's like is that the same values of it shouldn't be. No we shouldn't like we're we're so much more but it's a very yeah you're chasing money you're chasing some purple what are you chasing to me?
SPEAKER_05I know it. How does that look like and here's the here's where your soapbox just where it was with time and attention where did your phone steal connection with your significant others if you're if people are really honest with themselves it would be you I feel like you might be ashamed sometimes with how much your nose is in your phone.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Not you personally but Right I agree.
SPEAKER_03I've I've become very we're very mindful about this when we go on dates. We are like if we go on a date or we go out we try to like if there's something important I'll look at my phone but it's like while we're at the dinner table I'm not going to have my phone on the table. I'm not going to be taking my phone I'm dang sure not going to be scrolling on it while we're sitting there. So I was like I'm I'm here on this date with you.
No-Phone Habits And Dinner Rules
SPEAKER_05Um well even from the time when our kids were little it's always been a no phone at the table rule. We tried to model that. Yeah I don't know how well it stuck with all of them but like the last few times we've been together with all the kids we had a phone basket. Miranda went and found a basket in the laundry room was like okay everybody put your phones in here.
SPEAKER_03And then some of our kids had a problem not sneaking off going to get seconds in the kitchen and looking at their phones. So then Callie Callie hid the phone box. So like nobody knew where it was at I didn't even where the kids were like where's the phones?
SPEAKER_05I have no idea I literally didn't know.
SPEAKER_03Literally don't know so it's you know it's just it it can be fun but it's also too it's one of those simple little things like don't don't don't always eat in front of the TV. Don't that's one of those things one of those small little habits that we tried to say we're not going to do because of time and engagement.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like it's just man for sitting down and we're going to eat let's sit at the table for home together. Let's sit down and enjoy that that time together.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Even if we're out at a restaurant let's sit down and enjoy the time put our phones away.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Phones will it will steal every bit of it to Yeah because you're working on a connection that's not right there in the room with you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And that leads us to our third area is emotional connection.
SPEAKER_00Well I was going to say before you dive into that yeah do y'all ever leave your um what is it screen time tracker? That sucker is convicting it is it's a shame it's a shame. You're talking about shame and guilt. Yeah absolutely but at the same time when it comes to talking about being honest with yourself like it's I mean it's insane when you look at and and I don't know the statistics and I can look it up by the end of the episode if you want but like the amount of time people spend on their phones every day.
Screen Time Reality Check
Emotional Connection And Being Present
SPEAKER_03Oh it's nuts I'm sure hours let's let's guess and then you you dig around see if you can find it before uh take a guess if you have okay yeah how much how much time the average person spends on their phone a day um don't I Miranda I'm not gonna press it no pick it up uh eleven hours oh good lord I don't know if it's eleven hours I was thinking five and a half more I was thinking five and a half I don't think five then okay what do you think Miranda eight eight eight eight hours a day okay if it finds in younger kids then that's really gonna make the number go up yeah here give us the result six six hours six hours six hours average a day when people are on their phone sorry I didn't win anything I'm sorry congratulations six hours a day think about that that's insane that's like just sitting down and watching like three straight movies yeah yeah in one day that's like watching three movies a day I mean obviously some of that is going to be productive some of it is going to be working so a lot of that might be work and those type things but wow yeah if we're honest with ourselves yeah there's not many people out there who are spending six hours on their phone and being that productive if they are they're pretty well off that's just they're doing okay they're not listening but then that also cost them in other areas you know it what that also cost them in other areas it costs you almost two days yeah 42 hours that's crazy so what's our third what was that two days worth of time in one week that you just sit there on your phone gone wow 42 hours yeah so the third area is emotional connection that we're gonna talk about well and obviously the phone is gonna be something that will hinder that if you're and that's not any in my notes it's just something that's apparently I mean it is it is that big of a deal. Yeah wow well it's just crazy because we look for like a lot of emotional connection we look from I mean we we want to be validated through social media um we want we want to see how many likes how many other things we have like my birthday was December 28th and um all the birthday wishes you get on uh social media you just there's some of those things if you allow it feels like emotional connection but yeah is it really like where who are you connecting to how are you connecting in that and so that's a yeah a stupid phone it is just limit your time to it that's all I'm saying like if you gotta have your phone for work have your phone for work.
SPEAKER_05If you when you're home be home like be where your feet are yeah that's all I'm saying like in that moment enjoy that moment be in that moment and you'll find more connection than you ever thought you could be yeah and on the other side of that though are you connected with your own emotions like do you process your emotions do you shut down I'm raising my hand I shut down or do you rush past them or do you just power through like not just you specifically but are you giving yourself time to process and be connected to your own emotions because what do you always say if you're not a healthy person you're not gonna be a healthy partner something to that effect.
SPEAKER_03Yeah if you want to have a healthy relationship be the healthiest person you can be of yourself. So yeah I mean that's an easy statement to make but that's a big big hill to climb.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Processing Emotions And Avoiding Numbing
SPEAKER_03So and it's one of those that a lot of us don't take the time to do that. You know that we don't take the time I think processing your emotions and thoughts and feelings is one we don't talk about it much and we don't deal with that much and I I don't understand um anger frustration hurt depression um all those things that you're you're carrying around with you your baggage that's essentially your baggage that sometimes you unpack and you just look at it. You don't unpack it you just unzip it and open it and you look at it. And sometimes you get in that depression you wallow in it that guilt the shame whatever that baggage may be instead of unpacking it and figuring it out. Now there's some I don't want to get too far into that because there's some people who I mean medically you need help and professional help unpacking that and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all.
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_03But the idea is that you deal with it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know I used to joke around and say no I don't deal with my emotions I just push them way down and pour alcohol on top of them. I think that was something somebody one of my construction workers used to tell me pretty sure uh so it was uh you know but the truth is a lot a lot of people do that very same thing you just push it down push it down you don't deal with it little things pop up and then what happens is you have that that bowler effect where over time it just so much pressure builds up it explodes and it's never pretty yeah so well the good news is with reflection it makes room for growth.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely so all of these things it might be tough to reflect on it's for growth. It's not to beat yourself up it's not to give each other a grade it's not for anything like that but it's just making room for growth.
SPEAKER_03Right. I'm always the component of saying how do we get better? Yeah like how do we get better as a couple how do we get better as a person uh how are we better for our kids for our grandkids like how do we just become better people we don't win at that all the time and screw things up often but you know what we try to we try to fix it.
Growth Mindset Over Perfection
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So thinking about what do you want more of next year for out of your life or you I know what I want more what do you want less than me okay right so ridiculous. Okay. Anyway so a minute ago you talked about baggage. Yes and so you unpack it obviously because there is some baggage the actual baggage that you unpack and you keep it because you know you carry around around baggage just like your feelings goes in and but if you don't unpack it and clean it out and figure it out um but then there's other baggage that you just need to sit down for good and just walk away from it. So there's different kinds of baggage.
SPEAKER_03Yeah totally and then yeah there are those sometimes we just don't know which ones to let go of and which ones to to to hold on and doing some of these exercises is a good way to help you determine that. Absolutely 100% so let's unpack. Let's unpack.
SPEAKER_05Speaking of unpacking bags I'm all about some unpacking so the whole idea like I just said is to help you move forward but it doesn't mean you have to do all of this at one time.
Small Steps And Year-Round Rhythms
SPEAKER_03And see that's the the this is the thing that kills me about New Year's and New Year's resolutions. We we do these really big lofty huge goals sometimes and we get so lost in it and it feels so overwhelming. For me I'm always like let's do something small let's take a step yeah let's figure out what that step is and get really good at taking that step and then we get good at taking that step we'll take another step. Yeah and let's just add on to that let's build all those little steps are gonna lead to a big change.
SPEAKER_05Right. And keep going on the same path.
SPEAKER_03The thing for thinking about if you're reflecting back and you're looking at I want more of this this is what I want more of make small steps in that direction like not just the idea of like I'm gonna do oh I'm gonna do this on this massive thing. Well let's just start with something small. Yeah let's start small and just take those little steps and and and try to get there. So create some rhythms. Yeah some some thoughts some ideas whatever it may be like um if you need to spend more time together as a couple or you need to spend more alone time or more reflective time if you're by yourself, then schedule that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We have um a big calendar it's a one year uh calendar it's massive um wall it yeah it takes up a massive wall but it's an entire year. Like go ahead plan out when you're gonna be gone plan out days you want to go away things that you can plan out as much as you can.
SPEAKER_05And if spending time and connecting with each other is hard yeah then schedule it. Yeah. Just like you schedule other things.
SPEAKER_03It's not going to show up at your front door and just go, oh here it is this is his time. Like you you have to work for it. You had to push for it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So another thing obviously is to break some bad habits.
Break Habits And Create Safe Signals
SPEAKER_03Yeah the phone obviously well come up with some small things if it's like um maybe there's a word that we use um you know like when we're riding the I mean we were riding together we're taking trips you used to get in your the death scroll I did when you would just be on your phone and then we started listening to podcasts when we would travel and therefore the phone goes away because podcast is on and we're just talking we're hitting pause on the podcast going oh my gosh yeah talking through it. Those are just some things that just kind of that we've helped that's helped us even in that process but just come up with some wording.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like if it's around the phone or if it's around something else some kind of non-threatening you know we talked about our umbrella protection uh whatever it is creating that safe space where you can cheer and just be like hey let's just let's put our phones away and just be here and work on our connection. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um also another thing to think about is working on healthy conflict resolution.
Healthy Conflict Without Absolutes
SPEAKER_03Yeah. We're going to in the next year this coming year we're actually going to do a series on conflict resolution um and it's crucial conversations type stuff and we're gonna talk about how to do that how to work through that um there'll be a few episodes on that because there's a lot to unpack together some things to think about is to kind of pause and reflect before reacting also never ever use the word never or ever always or always like don't use those words. Yeah um just just mark them out of your vocabulary don't just don't use them. So and then don't I know you got people out there who yell and scream and scream and yell and you always want to get your point across just think about it. Is that how you communicate with people at work? And if it is I mean that's interesting. Then he yikes yeah but at the same time it's like you can communicate without screaming and yelling and if you're at that point and you're that geared up about it gonna spend some time and walk around do whatever you gotta do. Take some time say hey I want to talk about this but I need uh I just want to take a minute and then I'll come back.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah one thing about that um something that changed my mind drastically on how I went about dealing with conflict and people that I disagreed with or things like that. Always strive to make a difference. Don't prove to make a point. If you try to prove a point usually it only entrenches people more on their sides. Yeah but if you strive to make a difference the point is usually accomplished through personal interaction. Yeah that's good stuff. That is good stuff.
SPEAKER_03So yeah work on your conflict resolution. Start small. Again all of these start small yeah and work through it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So one thing I I want to share and encourage everybody is that you don't need a perfect year to have a perfect marriage.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_05So I think we have a great marriage but we didn't have a perfect year. No Lord knows and next year may not be perfect either. No but probably won't be you have to be make sure that you're willing to keep unpacking as you go.
You Don’t Need A Perfect Year
SPEAKER_03That's true. And the good thing that I would say for us is that we've created a a PDF worksheet that goes hand in hand with this uh podcast you can catch that on our Instagram if you go to the links um up there you can of all of our social medias will have we'll post it a link to where you can go and download that PDF work through it and just I mean it's a coffee and this is a coffee conversation. If you want to do it over dinner do it over dinner. Again if you're not in a relationship uh do this is a healthy exercise for you to do anyway moving forward get somebody to go through it with you uh because it's always better and it's just a little more accountable but you can catch that when this when this uh episode airs I think it's on January the 6th January 6th is when this will air those that link for that worksheet will be available on that day also. So make sure to check that out um and we're we have a lot of really really big fun ideas coming up for baggage claim this next year Jess and I have been dreaming and kind of thinking about what we want to do this next year. And it's uh hopefully it's it's gonna be an adventure and it'll be a fun year and hopefully we can pull it off and have a good time in the process. So thank you guys for listening today. Thank you for sharing uh I hope you get something out of this.
SPEAKER_05I hope so too.
Download The Reflection Worksheet
SPEAKER_03And just and listen share it with somebody that needs to walk through this with you. So you guys be good and we'll catch you on the next episode.
