Season 1 Question 10 - How is your life different from the older women in your life?

How is your life different from the older women in your life?

Transcript

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welcome to 10 women bringing together 10 women with 10 thought-provoking questions based on one theme During this episode of 10 women we'll hear 10 different answers to this question How is your life different from the older women in your life you've watched other women age before you How are you different uh I have lots of different thoughts come to mind Um but I think about comparing my 55year-old self watching other women maybe in my family and my friends hit 55 I think that I am u more daring and more risk-taking Um I'm doing different things I'm a single mom at 55 So I mean that I think makes me stand out and be different Oh definitely Um I think for me it's just the perception of of who we are as we get older We're living longer We're act more active longer I remember when I was young I thought 60 was incredibly old but here I am at 58 I'm pushing 60 with both hands Um and so I think that perception of of me being able to be active for a much longer period is very different than than my elders Before we hear the 10 answers remember to take a moment to think about your own answer to this question How is your life different from the older women in your life and don't forget that we want to hear your answers too Follow our 10 women series on Instagram to share your thoughts and to read the responses of others in our community Visit our website to find other ways to connect My name is Anne Sparks hyphen Bombguardner and I am a caregiver Um I'm a member of a women's organization that I'm very passionate about I am a cyclist Um I'm a road road cyclist and um I love being out ofdoors I love that question Um I think of my grandmother who was who her name was Cecil and she was this very Victorian grandmother and at 75 she was a widow There is no way my grandmother would have gone out and cycled 33 miles I mean she was uh uh she never wore pants I mean I don't think she even drank She was very Victorian very uh so I I I mean I think it's it's a sign of our times But you look at how we're younger at 73 now than than than they were 20 years ago or even 10 years ago We're we're living longer medical science has has got more things that will help us but there's also a detriment to that because because we are living too long and some people are lingering and I mean the last 3 years my mother lingered and lingered so um they would all be very proud of what I've accomplished but I can see where uh the the longevity is can be it's it's it's a positive and it's a negative My name is Kimberly Burke and I'm a human a teacher and a lover Well I don't really have older women in my life now but I am so much more alive awake in the world um active You know I think about like my mother bless her was old at 60 Um and I'm I'm kind of the opposite Like in my head I'm still that 16year-old Um but I I want to go into old age with my tires squealing you know kind of Thelma and Louisa cuz I got a glimpse when I I broke both my legs um and tore my retina and was in a wheelchair for 4 months and then COVID hit So talk about kind of unprecedented trauma for me We lost 14 people and our families and our friends Um I couldn't work I gained 60 lbs I was just miserable And I it was the life lesson because I didn't want to be the person that was afraid I did it falling down the stairs And I didn't want to be afraid to go up and down the stairs and to not have balance and afraid to fall and not be able to get up And so I've just decided I'm going in with the tires squealing I'm going to I'm going to live to the absolute fullest that I can live because tomorrow's not guaranteed My name is Abigail Seymour and I am an entrepreneur a lawyer and an enagram 7 Well many of women who are not that much older than I am are really at the end of their careers or I have a colleague actually I'm 6 months older than she is and she's a retired judge and she's retired and so I'm like I'm literally a baby attorney I'm just starting my career even though we're so close in age So I think in that sense it's different because chronologically I'm I'm the same or close to ages of women who are at a completely different place in their career Um that I'm in line more with women in their 30s um who are just starting out And when we went to this Taylor Swift concert I went with two colleagues one of whom is in her 20s and the other was in her 30s And without even thinking about it I said "Oh this is great We've got like one from each decade." I was like 20s 30s and oh no I'm actually in my 50s Like I kind of forget that I was not just right right there with them right behind them I do think I have a lot of energy for um for my age and for even you know but I I know other women like my sister I mentioned she's 18 years older than I am and she just went on a bike trip you know I think um it's it's relative but um starting a very intense career at age 50 naturally is going to make me a little bit behind and a little bit different from other women either my age or just a little bit older My name is Judy Fowler I am an educator a mom and a team player Uh I feel like my life is leaps and bounds different being a lesbian number one period if I can joke with that right you know like I just think about um especially being you know having the Korean culture it's very much you are supposed to do things in a certain way and make your parents happy about things and you know there's traditional values and you know supposed to get married and Korean weddings you know you've have the the version of the wedding where the wife fixed the the husband's 's entire family this huge elaborate meal all these different things you know So um I have a voice that I use I have a voice that I want to foster with my both my children one boy one girl I want them to know that their voice matters Um I don't know if I would call myself I guess my definition and what I picture as a social justice warrior I don't feel like I fit that But I do feel that parts of that emanate in who I am just naturally having to be who I am I think about that just even alone I mean you know just just having to uh you know it's it's so wonderful to see like younger people who are LGBTQ plus how open they are and and the strength that they have But that's really a small portion you know we got to look at the statistics of how many are um attempting suicide you know all all these things because of the life that they lead So I feel that again kind of to a previous question I'm really happy about the path I've had I'm glad I was in sports I'm glad I was able to establish who I was I'm glad that that gave me a strength I'm glad it gave me confidence because it allowed I didn't know it then but it just allowed me to be who I can be now which is one who can stand with my feet on the ground and and appreciate the established space that I've created for myself And I'm not going to take anything less Um you know I I look back at the things my mom has had to deal with Um I think she has aged very gracefully A lot of people do not believe how old she actually is I can see it now more in her physical movements She has she uses a cane for balance things like that But when you look at her you know a lot of times people are like "What?" Um I think with her aging um I'll be honest I have looked at things that she has dealt with and I have had to brace myself for those ages because as I have reflected I am so much like my mother No you now if I would have said that back to my 15-year-old self I would have had a big argument about that cuz I would not have wanted to be But I'm so glad that I am in so many ways I mean we would go to a a grocery store and someone would just come up to her just randomly say "You just have this piece about you." You know they they see these qualities about her They don't know anything about her So for that it's always like "That's my mom." You know like you're proud of that Uh I don't know if I've had anyone say those particular things but I do see parallels in and in in uh the way she handles things that I'm very glad I've had her to model So I have to say that's one big important thing Um but I will say like she unfortunately I remember my freshman year in college she had to have um a mastctomy you know So when I hit my late 40s I'm kind of like bracing myself for the physical part of oh my gosh is this going to happen you know she's had thyroid cancer you know So again those things I I I see again I think cuz we get so focused on the physical but when I look at the emotional the one thing I do probably again because of language barriers and culture she just doesn't talk about things She internalizes a lot of things I like to process and internalize but I will say things eventually But I do think because I'd never had her model how to do that it does take me a little bit longer to find the way to actually encounter a situation which probably is a good thing cuz it makes me slow a little bit I mean I have to explode as I want to sometimes cuz I I often question do I even know my mom very well because of the cultural um you know the cultural space that I don't feel that she felt she had enough support from my dad to really elevate in our household I almost wonder if she felt like it had to be um whitewashed in a lot of ways So I mean I still think now and especially now that I have children trying to bring in more of the Korean culture in my own in my own ways Um it's complicated It's really complicated I mean one element that I even remember my mom saying is how she was um looked upon differently cuz she married an American man So even in their culture So I think sometimes she's had to closet herself in some ways to cope and to be comfortable that I parallel that I do that sometimes with certain things but with some things I can't being who I am being a lesbian my family we're going to be but I do wish that she could have had some more strength and really put her foot down on no we're going to send Judy to uh Korean school on a Saturday things like that Um hi my name is Michelle I am a gynecologist bicyclist and someone who loves life I think in it depends on the the person actually Um my friend Moan who I mentioned uh earlier with you who I was riding bikes with she's 71 and still can outride me on the road any day of the the week She can make it up the um hiking trails faster than me any day of the week Um she doesn't have any have any problem with her weight Um and so I think in a lot of ways her life is similar in the sense that we're at the same level of of activity but on the other hand she does have a husband who has some chronic heart conditions And so her life and her um retirement um wasn't what she hoped it would be going and going to places and doing all this physical activity with with John specifically her husband Um as far as my mom is concerned well we were never the same in in the first place So you know I'm a lot less uh needing my life organized in the same way that she does And I think she has a lot of trouble with uh managing and navigating even not so technological stuff although a lot of it still is technological I mean even just her phone going out doesn't sets her off for and that happened forever Um sets her off and makes it very difficult for her to to adjust to that Um but as far as whether or not like me at 55 was different than my mother at 55 Well heck yeah because we were always different anyway Um and am I different from say the patients that I saw when I was first here at age 37 and seeing 55 year olds now that's again it's very different It's different by person I'll look at somebody's age and go "Oh my they're the same age as me and they look at least 20 years older." And then I have 80 year olds who are still working still actually gainfully employed and doing what they need to do and having a ball with it and still mentally sharp and moving around and doing everything they can So yeah it I think it depends on the person how how they aged and how they developed their age And I guess it would also depend on what they grew up with Although I'm not following anything my mother's doing I am Leanna Martin and I am an aunt a daughter and a friend I talked a little bit about being more independent Um I feel like all the women around me are married or have been married and so they are dependent on another human which I'm not Like I'm used to being by myself I'm good with being by myself So that's the main difference I see Like um a friend of mine who does a travel agency like when I talk to her about going places by myself she's like apprehensive and like"Oh you can't go by yourself." And it's like I do everything by myself It's like not even if I didn't do anything by myself I'd never do anything So yeah doing stuff by myself is something I think I have that other people around me don't have cuz they have a spouse to do stuff with So my name is Susan Sassman and I am an extrovert a creative visionary and a nurturing kind of gal My life is different I think mainly because I have a partner that I've been with for 46 years And I've got someone to you know help me through the hard times and to do a lot of the physical things and the technological things And when you have cancer and you're getting fed through a you know feeding tube you've got someone right there 24/7 caring about you lifting you up helping you through And many of my girlfriends are single They're not dating They don't have a partner They're divorced And I can see how different their life is because it's just them It's Christmas time and maybe they have no family They're spread across the country Um or you've got to put up the tree and it's 8 ft tall and you don't have the the manpower That my life is really impacted quite a bit by the fact that I have a really good partner who I know will always be there for me It gives me a lighter load to think about that together we can tackle whatever comes our way And if I was single I I think I would be more apprehensive about that The other thing is I think I'm happier than most of my um girlfriends are when it comes to things like worrying about weight which seems to be a really big deal Uh of course the wrinkles and the you know the eyesight and the hearing and all of that I think I'm a little bit better on that score I'm a little different in that way that I I still have quite a bit of energy and creative energy So when I think of something fun to do I can get very excited about what we're going to do and how we're going to do it I don't see a lot of that in my older girlfriends They're pretty much just getting through getting through the day Um and I think sometimes they rely on me to help spark that in them because we all have it in there right that happiness factor And happiness is a choice And doing more of what you love is a way to be more happy Of course a lot of people can't identify what it is they love but um but I can And and so I practice a lot of that And that coupled with the fact that I have a really good partner that sets me apart from most of them Uh my name is Abigail Dun Moses and I am an educator of adults who heals the brokenhearted I I have more vimman vigor I'll give you a good example Um I started a program in my culde-sac and the program is called First Sundays and on First Sundays I cook for the neighbors I don't think I don't know any women my age that would spend their extra time extra money extra effort to cook for the neighbors But I love it I mean I it gives me life because I um I'm divorced My children are older and um and I'm a I'm a mother You know what do mothers do they cook for their children I don't have I don't have the the children I had So my neighbors are now my community And there's an older couple there in their 80s Um and a younger couple that are in their early 70s and they are so appreciative and uh they spoil me back Um wonderful wonderful experience And I call them ahead and tell them what's on the menu so they can start salivating And uh it's global fusion food You know I might uh do a stew with fried plantain Another time would be jolof rice Um another time might be uh uh king ranch uh casserole All kinds of different things My name is Marie Leonard and I am a mom a daughter and an energetic lover of life Yeah So I think about my family and I think about my mom like my mom and then my grandma and all of her sisters cuz she had a whole slew of sisters and they all grew up uh in Puerto Rico And so I think I have lots of health opportunities Like I have a lot of access to health that I'm thankful for that I can make appointments and get there and I can pay for them and it's not stressful Um I can take medicine if I need it and and you know that and that's okay Um so I think that hopefully is a good thing too that that the things that hurt my family in the past you know that those things might be with me but that maybe there might be some differences in terms of you know cardiac care and things like that So that's one thing I think um having a you know a good partner that that I enjoy spending time with and I enjoy living with my grandma my great-grandmother um we didn't divorce in Puerto Rico They that's just not what you do But she lived on the top of the hill and he lived at the bottom of the hill Like that's what they did They didn't divorce but they did not live together They lived separately um in different houses on top of the hill bottom of the hill So living with someone who I enjoy spending time with and enjoy being around I think that's a difference My grand this is funny my grandparents when we um went through their things afterwards after they both passed and I was going through like ancestry and things like they divorced um like in the ' 60s and never remarried We like thought they were married but they had divorced the whole time And so um probably if you know some some person who's an estate attorney is going to call me and be like "Oh you settled their estate as if they were married That was wrong." But it's what happened And so like I think just having a that's one thing that in my family we haven't always had is good partners who we enjoy to be with who we can grow old with that we don't just shun and close out There's long times where my grandparents just didn't talk to each other like whole years Um and so I hope that isn't part of what I mean obviously it's a family tradition but I hope that's not what I I would choose to do Um and so I feel I feel good about that My name is Terry Wiggins and I am a woman I am a mother and I am a daughter I am healthy I do not take any prescription medications I eat healthy for the most part Those macadamian cookies do come in periodically I am still somebody who loves to hike or walk three to four times a week And I have a lot of friends who are dealing with illnesses and diseases and take a lot of prescription medications and they're not able to do those indulgences perhaps like I am because they're focused on again that worry and fear and what's going to happen to me and um that kind of thing And they and so uh that's been something I'm very grateful for I feel very blessed to be healthy Um one of the things that I'm also able to do is to focus in on feeling gratitude over and over and over And I think I shared with you that I'm still working on that judgment thing judging myself judging other people And I have the awareness of when I do it now because I've practiced enough It's I've been doing this for quite a while And so I'm able to just say don't want to be there let it go and go right into feeling gratitude in my heart So that's been something that um I I know a lot of people that are friends of mine kind of stay in this place of anger or they stay in a place of sadness like my mother did or they stay in a place of fear and it feels like life is passing by without being a participant So um I just recently read this about gratitude and I was so excited about it Um it seems that if people are in gratitude uh they have more ease and grace in their life and da they live longer So I'm promoting gratitude for all of us So there so let's bring it back to that question How is your life different from the older women in your life and how difficult was that question for you to answer and be honest after you answer this question for yourself think about reaching out to other women in your life for their answers Remember to share your answers with us in our 10 women series on Instagram We can't wait to read your answers And speaking of answers we've actually got some different answers on our Instagram page That's because we asked all the women surprise questions to learn more about them Join us on Instagram at 10women series to hear their answers We hope you will join us every Tuesday for a new episode wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts This series is distributed both as an audio only and a YouTube video format to allow you to enjoy each episode your preferred way Be sure to visit our website at www.sasyam.com to learn more about this series and all the places you can find us 10 Women is a production of Sassym Media Amy Brown and Sarah Howard producers Feel free to send us an email at sassymdia@gmail.com Special thanks to the women of season 1 Kimberly Burke Judy Fowler Michelle Horvath Marie Leonard Lyanna Martin Abigail Dun Moses Susan Sassman Abigail Seymour Anne Sparks Bumgardner and Terry Wiggins