Episode 1 - Eject! Eject! Eject!!

Day of Event: March 25, 2024

Day one of drama- first recording of what I'm dealing with in this process; it's not day one of the process but it's the first day that I'm angry, hurt, and just generally emotional enough to create a record of it.

It's the day before our first court appearance which is to determine Temporary Orders- judge approved legal orders that set the tone and expectation for how things shall be in the interim between now and the divorce being finalized- who gets to stay in the home, who is paying what bills, where the kids will be,,, all sorts of major life changing things.  As if that's not scary enough- being literally judged by a stranger who has the power to change your life forever, I ad just received some distressing news from my lawyer; I was a wreck.

Not only that, but my future ex-husband and I lived in the same house with our two almost grown children and he was obviously manipulating the kids- suddenly became "father of the year" in his demeanor towards them- complimentary instead of yelling, cussing, name calling, and generally speaking down to them, started going on long walks with them and "just talking" though judges' standing orders say that no one is supposed to talk about the case to or in front of our children (yet they were well-informed and not from me!)

He also suddenly became best buds with the women of his family who... let's just say that "complimentary" towards or about them would be on the opposite end of the spectrum of how he actually thought and behaved about and towards them; they began taking long weekends away where my daughter, the youngest child, and sometimes my son were isolated with them and their very strong opinions...

This is the beginning of my journey to singledom and it is dramatic!!

WARNING- MAY BE TRIGGERING!!  LISTEN WITH CAUTION!!

Scarlett Davis

Facebook: Future Single Lady

email: FutureSingleLady@gmail.com

Transcript

0:00

Do you like a little drama in life? Do you love hearing someone spill the tea? Do you love reality tv but don't have time to sit in front of a tv? Well, then this is the place for you! I'm Scarlett Davis and this is The Future Single Lady. Join me on my journey as I go through a divorce that turned out to be a lot longer and a lot meaner than I wanted it to be. The trials, tribulations, ups, downs, and all arounds. That's what you're going to find here. I made a life change and I got my freedom. I asked for it, and I got it. I had to fight for it. Like, anything that's really worth having sometimes is You have to fight for it. This is a story of my struggle. And I'm glad to say that it has a happy ending. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Scarlett Davis is not a trained counselor or psychologist. Future Single Lady is just a documentation of one woman's journey through divorce. For all medical and legal advice, seek a trained professional in those areas. Otherwise, enjoy the podcast. Welcome to Future Single Lady, Episode 1, Setting the Scene. The date of this first episode is March 25th, 2024. Funny, it sounds a little bit like, um, Star Trek talking, into Captain's Log. March 24th, about six weeks past the date of me telling the man that I'd been with for almost two decades, that I wanted to still be a family. But I didn't want to be married to him anymore. February 12th, 2024, the day after the Superbowl, that's the day that I felt nudged, pushed, almost harangued by my creator, angels, guides, whatever it was, leading me spiritually to end that aspect of my relationship with the man who I no longer wanted to be with. We had, in addition to his oldest child from his first wife, who did not live with us, uh, the child, not the ex wife, she didn't live with us either. We also had two of our own children. Our son was about to turn 18 within about three weeks of this first recording. He was a senior in high school and he was in the process of enlisting in the Navy. Our daughter, was months away from her 17th birthday, And she was in her junior year of high school. There was a lot going on, but that was always the case. Always had been, and I'm sure always would be. I tried to hold on until the kids graduated, but I couldn't. I couldn't suck it up one minute longer. I couldn't deal with it any longer. I was in no way prepared mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, or in any other way. But my creator had pushed me and nudged me that this is what I had to do. And I couldn't wait another moment. So I didn't. I almost chickened out. But I knew that I had to do it. We could go into details more, but just know that at the time of this first recording that we were about six weeks into this process and what I had wanted to be a nice process. True to his word, the man that I'm married to made sure that things got ugly. And this is where you catch me. Please join me and continue this journey with me as I go from being a married woman of almost 20 years and two almost adult children into freedom.

Speaker: 4:25

So it occurs to me to chronicle what I'm going through. This is definitely something I've never experienced before, and I know so many of the cliches that it always gets darkest before the dawn, sometimes you have to be broken open, it's not just broken, it's broken open, and sometimes things have to be reformed, the potter has to remodel the clay, or whatever. Now I know all of those things. I say all of those things. I think all of those things. I agree with them, in theory. Theory and application of said theory, not the same thing. Worlds. Universes. apart Spider Man never had a multiverse like this. Neither did Doctor Strange. It's hard. It is hard as hell. On one hand, I am so proud of myself for listening to what I believe. is divine guidance nudging me to take the path less traveled. You know, Beauty and the Beast, Belle's dad, he uh, he took the path less traveled and he went through some crap. Belle went through some crap. In the end there was happily ever after, but there was a lot of crap. And definitely at various points in all of that story, they all wanted out. I feel like that's where I am. I kind of wanted to take an eraser. To, um, to the choices that I've made recently, you know, on one hand, I was so proud of myself for conquering my fear and for standing strong and doing the thing that I never thought I could do. This was like the ultimate setting of my own boundaries and enforcing those boundaries. Holy cow. I, you know, I brought myself to tears at my own accomplishment. I just felt wave after wave after wave after wave of relief. I had Finally done it. I had finally done the thing that was hard that I never thought I could do. I did it. And I was, my burden was definitely lessened after that. And then it wasn't. Trigger after trigger. I fall down, you know, in a puddle of emotional crap. You know, it go from being so proud of myself for walking tall, still taking the path less traveled, doing it in a nicer, happier sort of way, spreading the sunshine and rainbow all over the dang place. And then I get triggered. I get blindsided. Something happens. Some kind of ugliness that I wasn't expecting. Some sort of deceit. Some sort of rejection. And it sends me into a tailspin. And I feel like we've all seen the movies where, um, there's a, a pilot in the cockpit of whatever aeroplane or helicopter or something that, that there is, and they're struggling with the controls. It's, it's going down, they're gonna die, they're gonna spin, it's, you know, it's going down, it's going down, it's going down, but they're trying to save it, they're trying to save it, then finally, poof, they eject, hopefully safely. God knows we've seen all kinds of stories because, you know, a pilot ejects. That sounded kind of weird or bad, but We've seen, the stories, the famous stories, even though they're fiction, of somebody hits, hits the, uh, cockpit cover thing, whatever, just right, breaks their neck and dies. They're trying to get out and save their life. We've seen the one in the movie stealth where she ejects from her, um, incredible amazing plane and then it's raining debris all over her and the debris that's from her own plane is burning holes in her parachute and she's going down fast, we've seen just all kinds of things. I think in Iron Man, there was a pilot ejects and his parachute doesn't come out at all until Iron Man comes along and saves the day. Yay! I don't know where I'm at in all of that. Sometimes I just want to eject the hell out. Sometimes I feel like that one thing is just as bad as the other. It's like, dear God, there is suddenly this world of shit. Here I am, I stood up for myself. I set my boundaries. I set my boundaries. And I enforced them, and I did it nicely. I said, this, this is the minimum that I'm willing to allow. And I want better, I expect better. And then bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Just crap after crap, it's like a shit bomb, you know? It's like, what is that movie where Patrick Dempsey, um, somebody is throwing bags of dog crap on somebody's door, you know? And somebody's dealing with this. Um, all the time. And then, you know, of course they, for years, this family struggles with, with somebody throwing bags of dog crap on their door and they develop a plan for how to deal with it and they're going to get them this time. And somebody's got to clean up that mess. Well, I feel like, I don't know if I'm the door or if I'm the person behind the door or the person in the bushes trying to catch whoever's throwing the shit bombs, but I do, I can tell you, And I feel like I am definitely in a situation where bags of crap are just hurled at me, sometimes flaming. bags of crap and it sucks And, you know, you kind of want to do the autopsy on the situation, be like, okay, well, let me like remove myself from the situation, kind of zoom out and take a look, like, how did this happen? What were the steps? What was the process that took place to wind up here with flaming bags of dog crap being hurled? Seriously? Seriously? If we look at the whole thing of, um, the, the whole idea or concept that we planned our lives down here, that basically earth is, is hell, that this is, this is the proving ground. This is the testing ground. This is where spirits come to learn things. Okay, let's, let's just step out of whatever dogma or spirituality or faith or whatever you do or do not subscribe to. Let's just examine that concept for a bit. We will say that we're on the other side, we're angels, we're lights, we're spirits, we're, you know, whatever, whatever your concept is. And we say, wow, I'd really like to know what XYZ is like. I'd like to know what it is to that. Well, I know the theory and I hear the descriptions, but what is it really like to experience XYZ? And so we get together a group of friends and we're like, hey, I need some help, you know, experiencing this. I'd like to plan a life or as many lives as it takes down on this place called Earth. That the Earthlings, you know, actually it's their hell or whatever. I need you to help me this, okay? This is my plan, can you help me implement it? Your buddies all say, yeah, sure, we're gonna do that for you. That's great. That sounds like some really crappy stuff, but man, that would be really interesting to know what that's like. Yeah, okay, great. If that's the case what have I gotten myself into? People often offer up or subscribe to the theory that Um, we plan these things for ourselves to learn and that, I mean, we don't have to do it because we do have free will. And we can choose to not participate and be like, Uh, I don't think so. I don't want to do that right now. Okay, great. Well, I guess it's kind of like being in school. You go enough days without doing your homework and finally you really got to get it done or you flunk your whole class. Your whole grade level or whatever that catches up to you. Well, some say that that's kind of like What life is, that we can choose not to experience XYZ, and so it gets put off until later. It gets delayed, and it gets delayed, and it gets delayed. But the more you delay it, then the worse it's going to be when you do deal with it. So, if that is the case, if that is true, then right now I'm like, Dang, girl, how many times have you delayed experiencing this? How many times have you chickened the fuck out, like you almost did this time around? Because it is definitely not easy. It is definitely not fun. I really want to get through it, because I do believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and then it's not an oncoming train. I do believe that it is darkest before the dawn. Although I've, I've seen the sunrise a few times and I don't remember it being that dark. I don't know how long it is in between one thing and the other, but let's just say that at least metaphorically it is true. As um, as a person who believes in spiritual growth or spiritual evolution or whatever you want to call it. I do know that there is something that people call dark nights of the soul and that it's not. Not necessarily like a, you know, an eight hour or ten hour or twelve hour period of time that it's, that the dark night it just is a reference to a not very happy period of time. And it could be like a really long time, it could be a short time, it depends on the person and how they choose to deal with whatever they're going through. But let me tell you, I do believe that I am experiencing a dark night of the soul, and I do want to get through it conveniently and efficiently. I do feel, not just, not just broken, I feel pulverized. I mean, if, if God is the potter and we are the clay, forgive me because I don't know, like, all the stuff about making pots and using clay and everything, but as I understand it, you know, you gotta keep the clay nice and moist so it's malleable and you push it and shove it and nudge it and Whatever, and you mold it, mold it, mold it, gently, gently, gently, and it can fall apart on you in the process. And then you have to basically start over, and that's okay. Um, and then I think that part of the process is firing the, the thing, the sculpture. At least with some things, that's, that's the deal. Well, I, right now, kind of feel like a clay pot or a vase that is It's beautiful all by itself, it's not painted, but it's, you know, it's beautiful by itself, it's useful, it's nothing spectacular, but there's nothing wrong with it, it hasn't been fired yet. But I feel like a sledgehammer has just been taken to it, you know, it's one thing for it to get kicked or knocked over or something fall on it and it break into these huge pieces, and then it's another for it to just be crushed and crushed and crushed until it's, until it's mostly powder again. Now I don't know if that powder can be moistened and reused or not. Again, this is not my area of expertise, but I feel like I was this not bad structure, like pretty, pretty good, you know, fairly awesome, whatever. Great in its own way structure that is just completely pulverized, but it can be remade into something else, whether it's as clay that's like reformed into that, or if it's, you know, kind of like repurposed or something. I feel like that that's a thing, that it can be done, but I don't, I don't, in the thick of it right now, I am, I am absolutely not enjoying it. I am not having a great time, I am very much looking forward to getting through it, to whatever is past this, where, it's like being in the Emerald City, you know, Oz is this place that sometimes is really scary for Dorothy and her friends, but in the Emerald City things are great As a little girl, I always felt like that was supposed to be my city, because Emerald is my birthstone, and it's so pretty, and it was just like, it was almost like this idea had existed just because of me, because I was a special little girl in the world, even though that book was written and the movie was made a long time before I was ever born. I think before even my parents were born. But I still felt like it was. I think I had a special claim to that joyous, wonderful, happy place. And I think the Emerald City is kind of like an analogy for a lot of this. It's this place that we don't know we're going there until we're going. And we have no idea how to actually get there. But we're going. We're on the path. You know, we get hungry along the way and we get sabotaged along the way or attacked, we maybe fall asleep or get drugged or sidetracked or something all along the way. But there's also some, some blessings too. We receive some blessings along the way, companionship with other people who maybe need something kind of similar to what we do too. And so we kind of travel this path together, get, trying to get to this wonderful place where. We're all made new and clean again, and we feel pretty, and all shined up, and everybody's happy, and singing, and yeah, who wouldn't want that? I'd love to lay claim to a place like that. I think we're all kind of heading towards our own little emerald city, and I kind of feel like right now I'm falling asleep in the field of poppies, and maybe you're falling asleep listening to me too! I don't know. If you're still listening, if you, if you identify with even one speck of what I'm spilling out here, man. Thank you. I love you, and I appreciate you, and I appreciate you being on this journey with me. And if anything, you know, helps anybody else, if my, my misery can make you understand someone else's or can make you feel better about your own, then great. You're not alone, and I'm not alone, and that's, that's awesome. Dorothy needed her friends on the yellow brick road, too. But I can say, for certain is that I do not regret starting the process. I do not regret setting my boundaries and enforcing them. I am not, well, I don't know how to say this right. I'm looking forward to getting past tomorrow, that's the thing. Tomorrow is supposed to be the day where a stranger I've paid a lot of money to stands up next to me and Hopefully advocates for me in the best way possible. That accomplishes the most awesome things for me. For all, for the greatest good. I want, I want everything to be all for the greatest good. Not just, not just selfishly for me, but for my children, for the whole world. So this person is supposed to stand up for me, to a complete stranger, and argue with another stranger who is who is arguing for my husband, and I could go more in depth than that about people being shady and manipulative and whatever, but I won't. I'll just say that tomorrow is the day where a stranger I've paid to be my champion hopefully does a divine job of standing up to another stranger to convince them to take care of me, to grant me the things that I need so that I have a roof over my head, money to buy food to feed myself, to feed my children. that keeps my electricity turned on, my water turned on, and all of the things that we consider basic bills. Not extravagances, but I mean, it'd be nice to have more than just the minimum. I am, I am not, I am not putting limitations on divinity, and I don't care if you call that divinity God, or Jesus, or Allah, or the spirit in the sky, or Durga, or Freya. I don't care what the name is, I just, I believe that there is a higher power that ultimately is a source of deep, great, true love who, like most parents, really wants the best for their children, for their creations. And I'm just really asking that divinity to please, with your whole host of angels and spirit guides and, you know, fairies and unicorns or whatever. Glenda the good Witch, please bless me. I'm tired. I'm tired mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I feel really depleted. I feel like this is definitely the most rock bottom I have ever been. I've had my places that were my rock bottoms, but this is, uh, this is a whole new thing. I think when you have children and Those children have the power to look you in the eye and say something to you that you don't want to hear or in a way that you don't want to hear it. Man, that's the worst kind of, when I say rejection, I'm not talking about, Hey mom, I don't want to go live with you. I don't want to go live with dad or, you know, or anything like that. I'm not talking about that, but that the part where they, they look at you as the strong, intelligent human beings that you've raised them to be. And. Maybe they don't agree with you. They don't agree with what you're doing, or why you're doing it. Maybe they can only see how they're impacted and how they really don't like what's happening, what's going on. And anybody who has raised a child like that knows you can't blame them for you can't blame anybody for being selfish. Acting in selfishness is a whole other thing than feeling selfish. I mean I once had a professor say that everything in the world that a human being does is done out of selfishness and people challenged him. They said, well, what about, you know, and they came up with some of the, some of the craziest things. Well, one of the things was, okay, so something that doesn't really impact you, how can, how can it be selfish? What if, you know, my friend is driving down the road, I'm riding shotgun and, you know, you see an accident or like you, you see somebody is about to die, but then you close your eyes and you turn your head away. How is that selfish? And the professor said, because you don't want to be scarred with seeing that, seeing how that impacted somebody, whether there's blood or loss of life or stress or whatever. You turn away because you don't want to see that. And that is a purely selfish act. I just always remembered that. And there's not anything that I could ever think of that did not fit into that description. That ultimately, no matter what. Everything we do is for a selfish purpose. So even as a mother who loves her babies, and just squeezes them so tight with so much love, and making sure that they know that their mommy loves them, how is that selfish on my part giving them love? Well, it's selfish because I've always wanted my children to know, no matter what, no matter, we never know when something's going to happen to us, you know, whether it's, you know, if If I just If the, if the world suddenly opened up and, um, the ground suddenly opened up and swallowed me whole and I just ceased to exist, you know, aliens abducted me, whatever. It has always been my goal that my children know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, even just being a month old, that they know down deep in their bones that their mama loves them. Or loved, because I guess in that case I would be past tense. So that was always my goal too. to give them so much love that there would never be a doubt in their mind that their mama loved them. So how is that selfish? Well, because then I would be remembered. We all know, good, bad, or indifferent, no matter how you want to look at it, that a child is always pulled to their mother, even more so than to their father, typically. There's an exception to every rule, but nothing beats a mother's love except for the love of the creator, from the creator. But I would be remembered, and in a good way. And for somebody who has always kind of felt like a ghost in the world, that um, that was always important to me. I realized at one point that I had all these things that I carried literally around the world with me from an early age on and I just felt this huge need to purge. So I had old letters and cards and souvenirs that were Maybe not in the best shape, but that I would never display again. And for once, I was, I was finally like, why am I carrying this around with me? I mean, some of this stuff I had carried around for literal decades. And I was able to cut the strings. I'm like, I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need to sell it. I don't need to give it away. It's okay to let it go in the garbage. You know, it was not garbage to me, at least not for all of these years that I carried it around. But. I don't need it anymore. And as I continued to purge and purge and getting rid of all of this crap. I mean, mountains of crap. I remember sitting there, like, surrounded by it all. I'm like, why did I need this? A phone book with my name in it. A note that was passed in class in, you know, like the fourth grade or something. Letter from, from an old boyfriend. I finally realized that the one thing that all of those things. had in common, was proof that I existed. Proof that I existed in the world and that somebody loved me, whether it was a romantic love or a friendship love or from a grandparent or whatever. It was, it was proof that I existed and that somebody loved me. Well, at that point I was married. I think my second kid was on the way. So there was, there was some pretty good evidence that, that I existed and somebody loved me. So then my new proof was for my babies to always know that their mama loved them no matter what. Well, when you pour that kind of emotion, and you put that kind of thought and love into everything that you do for that baby, you want them to have the best life possible, but not a spoiled life. Well, spoiled, yes, but spoiled brat, no. There is a difference. Everybody should be spoiled, but nobody should be a brat. I mean, I know it takes all kinds of people to make this world go around, but brats are They're not typically The people that you want to be around. Brats are exactly that. They are brats. You know, everything is about them. They are, they're, they're the more selfish version of being spoiled. So, you put that much kind of love and attention into a child, and you want to spoil them in the best ways possible. You teach them, you teach them the things that are right from wrong, and you, you try to teach them to be kind to people, to treat people the way you want to be treated, and That no, you can't take that toy away from the other person because I know you want to play with it because it's really cool and it isn't that awesome, but how would you feel if somebody yanked a toy away from you? It's not cool, right? So you teach them these things, and sometimes they get it. Sometimes it's backwards, sometimes it's a little twisted. But we'll just say that mostly, by and large, they get it. And that they, or even whatever they don't get, at least they have a much better grasp on it than a lot of other people two and three times their age. Well, when Those individuals have the power to look at you and say, I don't agree with you mom. Or, I understand in theory what you're wanting to do, but I don't like how it's making my life change. Talk about a punch in the gut. Theory and application of the theory. Not the same thing. And I think that we all need to remember that. When we pass judgments on people or situations, maybe we see something on the news, or we hear something about somebody. We think we know what they should do, how they should do it, or whatever. But the truth is, until we're there, until we are walking in their shoes, experiencing what they experience, we don't know squat. And so right now, here I am, you know, like, about 19 hours away from being in a courtroom where somebody who I don't know has power to determine How much money stays in my bank accounts or gets added to it. We'll just set that intention. Let's say you add a lot of money to it. This same person can decide whether or not my roof gets to stay over my head or whether I have to try to find something else. And in the meantime, the obstacle or the learning opportunity that I have to deal with, that I have to learn to apply and not just agree with in theory. To take deep breaths, stay centered, be focused, trust in God, let go and let God. That God will go before me and clear the path, it's like I always ask. And I always expect it, it's, it's a running prayer of mine. And I see evidence of it all the time. I mean, today was a glaring example of God not clearing the path. That, which tells me, I mean, I say man plans and God laughs. Well, I don't think God was laughing so much today as just shaking his head saying, no, honey, you don't need to be doing that right now. You don't need to be trying to work on somebody else's schedule and do all these other things for other people. In the meantime, you need to do what I need you to do. I pushed and I pushed and I tried to get my way the world pushed back and it was not a joyous thing. I feel broken. I feel like meat that has already come through the grinder is going back through for a second and third and fourth and fifth pass Dark night of the soul for sure if I take a moment to step back. Okay, the path was not clear It was not clear for me And when I say like clear like so we confuse clear with a couple of different ways There's like I clearly see it like something is lucid. It's very visible It's plain to see and then there is clear as in the path has been cleared for you The um, the overgrowth that has been in the way. You know, it's been mowed down, it's been chopped down, it's been bulldozed, whatever. You know, here is a path where the obstacles have been removed. It should be easy for you to go down this path. And maybe it's a nice little brick path, like maybe it's a yellow brick road. Maybe it has street lamps, and I don't know, all kinds of things guiding the way. There's all kinds of different paths. This one very obviously was not a path that was cleared for me, I suppose. a huge major roadblock, a redirection. Matthew McConaughey would call it a red light, very much a glaring red light, like, do not go, danger, danger, danger. Well, let me tell you, I'm feeling it. Not liking it. Trying to accept it. So, back to the theory of things. Let go and let God. My ego says, for everything to be good, it needs to be this, and it needs to be that, the judge needs to give me this and that. Whatever, la la la la la, but the truth is, the real, real truth, is, I love that somebody shared with me not too long ago that ego stands for edging god out, E G O, edging god out, and that's exactly what it is. Whenever I go in with I, I, I, I think I know, la la la la la la, the truth is I don't. If life is a snow globe, I am in the snow globe. Looking out on the rest of the world. Where God is the little girl, or boy, or parent, or whoever, who says, Hey look, here's a snow globe. Why don't you shake it up a little bit and enjoy it? Isn't it so pretty when you shake it up and you see everything falling down so pretty? Maybe instead of little specks of snow, maybe it's glitter so everything's really shiny and so pretty! But in order for you to see all that, you gotta shake it up a bit. Well, I kinda feel like my world is definitely shaking up. I know that God is everywhere, all the time, and knows the past, the present, and the future all at the same time, and definitely knows the best path to take, and the best things to do, or not do, in order to achieve the best possible result. And at this stage in my spiritual evolution, I That's what I'm asking for. I know what they're saying. Be careful what you wish for, he just might get it. Growing up and watching all of the things about, you know, people who get a wish from a leprechaun or a genie or something like that and, or the devil in disguise, you know, and they get what they ask for because they weren't specific. So we're taught in all of these stories to be specific in what it is that we want, what it is that we're asking for. So I do that. Well, I've been praying a lot, and asking God for certain things, and being specific for what it is that I want in there. Maybe the how or the why or whatever. The message that I keep getting back is, No, little girl. It's okay. A little pat, pat, pat on the back or on the head. Like, I got this. I got you. Just let me do my thing. Shh. You don't need to be here. Just be calm. Be at peace. Oh my gosh. Have patience. Are you freaking kidding me? And no, he's not kidding. So, trying to meditate and trying to pray, but at the same time not pray for specific things. That's um, that's a tricky thing. You want to talk about experiencing some frustration, that's, that's very much. I did, on that note, kind of find a path through. So there's something called Ho'oponopono, which, Basically, just identifying yourself in every situation, and loving yourself, and apologizing to yourself, and asking for forgiveness from yourself, thanking yourself. That has been helpful. That gives me something to focus on. It's like focusing on me, but it's not, because it's me as I exist in someone else, or in another situation, finding the part of me that I identify with in that situation. It gives me a way to pray and meditate without praying on, about me and my particular situation here and now. And that helps a lot. Just having something to focus on, focus that attention, letting that attention be intention. That's a really good thing. That helps. A lot. Anyway. I really hope that this has helped you in whatever way. And if it hasn't. for being here in my time of need, for hearing me and feeling me. I hope that the time that you've invested in this garners some sort of nugget of truth for you. It's something that speaks to you personally, that helps make your day brighter, better. To help you understand a situation that someone is in, whether it's you or your friend or your loved one. Human beings are social creatures, I think, by God's great design. And they say it takes a village to raise a child, and it absolutely does. I mean, I mean just, just really think about that. No matter what your experiences are with children or as a child, you know it takes a lot of people. It takes a lot of people to help somebody not just survive, but especially to thrive in this world. And if there is anything that I have shared with you today that helps you, then man, that makes me hap py really, really, truly makes me happy. Because I feel like that we are all here to lift each other up. Not just to see each other through, but to lift each other up. If someone is crawling in the darkness on their hands and knees, And you have just a little bit of light about you enough, maybe your eyes are adjusted to the darkness well enough that you can see, or maybe you've got some night vision goggles. You are advanced, baby! You know, if the person who can see, or even just in blindness, reaches out and finds someone else crawling along, I would hope that that person would lift, lift each other up, hold out their hand, take the other person's hand, and help them stand up. Don't let the knees and the hands be all bloody and raw from crawling so much. Stand up, and if you just kind of stand there for a while until you get your bearings, great. But you're not on the ground anymore. They're not on the ground anymore. I'm not. And then eventually, once you've stood there long enough, and you've taken enough deep breaths, breathing in and letting it out so slowly and rebalancing your nervous system, System telling your nervous system and your body that you are okay, you have survived another night. It might be the middle of the night, but you, you're still surviving. And then maybe you look around whether you can see very well or not, you listen to that voice inside of you, that intuition. Intuition will never be you wrong. You listen to that voice that says, come this way. No, I'm not over there. Go this way. So you turn and you go that way. You go where you're guided. And you walk hand in hand with someone else. It might be slow. It might trip. You might trip over somebody else. And then you all three rise together. But that's the best way to get places. Is when we do it together. We rise by lifting each other. Countless books, shows, movies, stories of all sorts are all about women lifting each other up. Men too, but for people in general, but there's just something really special about women guiding each other. There's, there's some magic there and I think we all know it's true. So, thank you. Thank you for being here with me on my journey. I hope to, I hope we see each other again in the future. May you be blessed. The highs will be high and the lows will be low, but hopefully the lows will just be a little dip, and may those dips be narrow and shallow. God bless you, my friend.

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