Episode 5 - Sweeping It Out!

Day of Events: February 15, 2024

Switching rooms, preparing finances, hanging out with kids because their dad left town (yet again!), son expresses thanks, badass daughter faces disappointment, the kids save for cars, helping my kids avoid manipulation and learning to receive gifts...

Scarlett Davis

Facebook: Future Single Lady

email: FutureSingleLady@gmail.com

Transcript

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Are you tired of the bullshit? Do you just want to escape and get the bleep out? Well, if you do, then this is a place for you. Or if you've ever been there, then come along for the ride with me, because this is me and this is my story of how I was tired of the crap. I was tired of feeling undervalued, tired of being made to feel like crap for Being made to feel stupid because I believed in something that someone else didn't. All of the things. Being mocked and made fun of by people who were supposed to love me and cherish me, but they were belittling me and making me feel small. Led by one person who I was attached to. Who I had agreed I had vowed to spend the rest of my life with. And then I didn't. I fought my way out, and I don't mean physically. But mentally, emotionally, and every other way, well, there was one time I did have to fight physically. But that's a story for another day. Today, I'm here telling my story. I'm glad you're here with me, and I hope you join me. Just bear in mind that this is for informational and entertainment purposes only. And when I say informational, I mean this is just chronicling my experiences. I am not qualified to give advice in any way, legally, medically, mentally, emotionally. I don't have any qualifications. This is just me telling my story. I hope you enjoy the ride and feel free to tell me what you think. FutureSingleLady at gmail. com. I'm Scarlett Davis and I am the future single lady. Oh, hallelujah. I think God is shining on me. I have been praying all day about getting this journal entry recorded and reflecting on this day one year ago. And, time is running a little bit short, but honestly, there is about a page worth of writing here. So, let me go through this and see what all it says. So, this is three days after I have said that, and this journal entry starts in the evening. of February 15th, 2024. And this, so this is three days, about 72 hours after I have said, I don't want to be married anymore. I want to be family. I don't want to be married. We should be able to do this nice. I still need to do the rundown on actually how that conversation all went. But for now, the journal entry. Decided to cancel my two clients and not stress about them just to get my stuff done. Exclamation mark. He got his stuff out. Anyway, what I was saying is that whenever I wrote, whenever I wrote this stuff in my journal, I am saying the names or the letter of the name of people, whether it's my family members or someone else. But whenever I'm doing this here, I'm just referring to their relationship to me because I'm trying to keep people's identities out of it because I don't feel like the identity of a person is what's important. It's about the experience that I'm going through and so I'm trying to keep things focused on just that. So, cancelled my two clients, decided not to stress about it, just to get my stuff done and my stuff I'm referring to divorce stuff. My husband got his stuff out as I showered and dressed in the bathroom. Even swept. So nice. So, setting the tone for what he expects, I'm sure. Good for him. Basically, my now ex husband got his stuff out of the bedroom and then swept the floor, basically leaving things nice. Okay, great. Because as far as I know, I'm the only one who ever swept that bedroom. I could be wrong, but my daughter's tracked meat, ran to the bank to deposit my son's money. Good job for him. He was working as a hostess at a major chain, and so he had a lot of cash tips. Get answers, uh, get cashier's check for a lawyer, cashier's check for insurance, and got my retirement, my retirement not yet, transferred money out, and my tips. Then lawyer took away, took way longer than I thought, but got it done, and now I have lists, lists to attend to. Sorry if that looks, if, hopefully I would take pictures of this and put this on my Facebook page or in the show notes. It looks like, well, it could, anyway. My penmanship. The funny thing is I don't think I ever intended to read this again, let alone on a live recording like this. Lists to attend to and make. Paid son's graduation stuff off finally. Got husband taken off of my life insurance and my aunt put on it. She now knows, she now knows that she's my executor. Life insurance lady. had great input too. Safe gone through and got his, got husband's papers out. My, my extra papers are with mom and my sister. I got a tainer, containers at the box store and a divorce tip jar for work and my son a bunch of waters. He likes these particular waters. He took me out for a belated Valentine's dinner. I didn't want him to feel obligated. And brought some back, too. Told kids I wanted to hang out Friday night together in the living room, watch a movie, or do something. My son may need, may need new workout shorts. Glad he asked. He hates to ask, he hates us to spend money on him. And I apologized to him for that. He expressed thanks for how he was raised. Whoo! I'll go into that in a minute. I still feel not quite relieved for what he feels. I like, like, he has negative emotion disappointment. He feels in me. Maybe in my husband. I don't know. I'm glad he learned to talk about his feelings and express them out, not holding them in. Finally, our daughter finally made it in from her meet where the coach said it wasn't a meet for her. It was a learning experience for her. That she physically and mentally cannot handle doing, doing both so much. She, basically, she, she's a badass. She, was on the culinary competition team, and she was also doing track and cross country. Well, cross country later turned into track, so those things are not simultaneous, but doing the culinary, um, nope. I think she had both events in the same day or one right after the other or something. She was trying to be a superstar and do, just be fantastic at everything, and she finally had to admit her limitations, so this was a growth experience for her. And her dad had been telling her that sometimes she's going to have to make a choice. I don't recall if I was reiterating that or not, but it was true. And I'm glad that she was stretching herself. This, there's a lot of ways that she reminds me of me in high school. I did everything, everything. I wanted to be needed so much. That was something about my mental thing was, was recognition. I wanted to be recognized for being awesome. Whether it was acting, or student council, or athletics, or whatever, that was, that was my need. And her being the baby of the family, and for a long time, for the first 14 years, I was the baby of the family too. So, I get that. That need to stand out because you don't have anybody looking up to you. And in my case, it was 14 years before the next person was coming along, and so I was going to be out of school before she started school. So she wasn't going to be looking up to me the way most little brothers or little sisters do. So I think that this was part of fulfilling her need to stand out. Anyway, so, um, that's why it was a learning experience for her. And he said that she physically and mentally cannot handle doing, doing both so much, both activities so much. She's chosen track as her priority and is taking a two week, a two week break from culinary. If she can't do it in class or during school, then no more mispractices. She's been reminded about her job too and why she has it. So I'm going to pause here. We told our kids about five or six years earlier, when they were about 10, 11 years old, that even if we could afford to buy them cars, that we wouldn't do that, that they needed to have a job and, and know what it's like to, to work for the money and to save up and to go through the car buying process and to make decisions. We said that we would match up to you. 5, 000. And mind you, this was pre COVID, so, so we said that we would match up to 5, 000. So if they only saved 2, 000, then we were only going to match 2, 000, and then they were going to be stuck with having to find a car for 4, 000. But if they maxed us out and did the 5, 000 and we matched that, then they would have 10, 000. And if they saved more, we might match more, but we were willing to commit to that. So a 10, 000 car would actually be a pretty decent car. and told them that they would be provided with a vehicle at 16 and they had until their 17th birthday to to save enough money for that. And if they wanted to start saving now, they could. That gave them five and six years to start saving. And daughter took advantage of it. She started saving some of her birthday money right away because my kids have been very blessed, not only with generous financial gifts, but just general awesome gifts from all kinds of family and friends, too. So But then they started not seeing return on their investment. It was just kind of boring sticking money in the bank and being like, yay, I saved for my car that I'll get in like five years. Yay. So it only got up to about, I think my daughter had like 250. My son saved even less, but he definitely made up for it later. So that was, that was the thing about being reminded of their job. And we also told the kids they got, they got a monthly allowance. And if they wanted to go to a birthday party, they couldn't go unless. They, they bought a gift and, or if they wanted to go to a, to a dancer's, they basically were like, we're giving you the money. You can spend it how you want. If you want to save it and, and buy yourself a video game, then okay, but we're not going to let you do these other things. This is, we're giving you this money. You have to budget it. And after they got jobs, then they would have to pay their gas money too. And of course we would still do stuff for them. You, you heard me narrate something on that yesterday, but the kids were taught that they had to be prepared to, to take care of themselves. and budget and handle their stuff wisely. So that was, that was why she had to have a job, and she was reminded about her job. Uh, so it said, uh, husband and I are both still very proud of her. She may have come in 13th out of 19 in her first varsity meet, but she shaved 11 seconds off of her personal record. Glad that husband is more complimentary to the kids. I only just realized that he makes a point to be way nicer than he and I. When he and I are on the app. Maybe I should have left his ass a long time ago, lol. No, none of us would be where we are today, and where we are is exactly where we need, where we need to be and what we need to be doing. Being my own, oh, being my own puppet is great. It feels so good to get stuff done. I feel so successful. Four Zoom meetings missed today, one yesterday, Tuesday too. But it's worth it and God's going to give it all back. It's been a really great day. Heart sunshine emoji. Thank you, creator. Happy face. Stars shining and happy face. I also One of the things that came to me that I would love to have some version of this on my wall And it occurs to me that I've seen similar things elsewhere but the the thing I had telling me that day is to boldly to do things boldly boldly and Of course, I'm a Trekkie and I just kept seeing bold boldly go And ironically the, uh, well it was a variation of the federation, is that it? The federation symbol. And I kept drawing things about how I would want it to look, so honestly I would love to print this. T shirts, actually really I want it on a sign for the wall. I was going through one of these things somewhere and I was, one of the notes was something about that I don't feel bad about the frames anymore. And it was because I had this stuff that I wanted basically custom framed. I was spending my Christmas money to have it custom framed. My Christmas money that my grandmother gave me. And my husband was pissed. Oh dear God, he was pissed. He's like, where the fuck is this shit gonna go? Where, where the fuck is it gonna go? Where, where the fuck is it gonna, where is it gonna go in the world? There's no room for shit in here. Some of it will be at work. Honestly, I hadn't thought about it. I just wanted it done. Well, we will just say I got it done. And it's not an issue anymore, and I love it. It is nourishing to me. But it spoke so much that he was so pissed off about that. Because, and forgive me if I've said this before already, but it's, it's things like this that mean something to me. Like quotes from Neil Donald Walsh, that progress exists beyond your comfort zone, or whatever it says exactly or from Calamity Jane. Calamity Jane. Where it says, what does it say? If a girl wants to be a hero, she should go ahead and be one. I don't think it says hero though, but it says if a girl wants to be whatever it is, she should go ahead and be one. Okay. Yes, exactly. Some of the ones that I have in work, at work, one of them says, Thank you for being. That's it, not being here, not being you, just being. Thank you for being. One of them says something to the effect of, Rainbows only come after the storm. Why is this, why is this offensive? Why would somebody be so pissed off about this? I could comment, ask some questions, but I'm not going to because I think there are probably more possibilities, more questions, more options there than I would, than I could say. So, and in the end it doesn't really fucking matter. That's the reason I left That is just one more of many, many reasons why I left him. His attitude was not nourishing my spirit. I mean, think about that. These, I will try to remember to take pictures of these and post them in the show notes. These things, honestly all of them, there were 10 of them total. There were a couple of other things too, but there were 10 of these things that I had done, and when I was in Seattle, oh, excuse me, mind you, that trip to Seattle, that was, The man I was married to at the time had a work trip, and I was invited to tag along so that we could go salmon fishing. Heck yeah! Oh my gosh, I've got to post those pictures. Amazing. So, and I was invited to, there was no, there was no need to, for him to rent a car, he and his co worker to rent a car. So I would have to do that expense myself. But one thing he had done before was work would pay for the rental car and he would give it to me because he didn't need it. That was how we did Ohio. And in this case, I paid for the, for the rental car and I shot up to Seattle. So he was supposed to be working for a couple of days and I took advantage of that time, I think at his suggestion to, to shoot up to Seattle. and do as much as I could there. Let me tell you, I hit it hard and heavy and it was amazing. And it's amazing that, that this is like the third time today that it's coming up. I think, I think I'm supposed to go there soon. And I know that there is a massage class that basically is prepaid for, for me. And I would just need to pay for getting there and hotel, my expenses. I'm wondering if I'm supposed to go there for that so I can do Seattle again. That would be fanfic and fabulous. Anyway. Both of these trips, whether he said anything or not, it was very evident that he was really pissed off that I had such a good time. All of the things that I did, all of the adventures that I went on, and I think what really bothered him the most was the incredible pictures that I took with my face smiling, just light shining from my face because I was enjoying myself so much. In fact, he made it a point to Now, this was October, beginning of October, 2023, and it was almost exactly four months later that I said, I don't want to be married. We made it through the holidays. We made it through Super Bowl, and then I said, eh, that's it, I'm done, as nice as I could. But in this time, the pictures that the fishing guide had, had taken of, of us, he and I and his, his coworker holding up our salmon, and I caught two. Because I got to catch the one for the, the fishing guide. So, and then we hit our limit. Like it was, I'll have to tell that story another day, another time. But the thing that he said repeatedly to our children, as he was showing them the, the, those pictures, he said, kids, I will never see your mother smile like this again, and of course that's a head turning comment, right? And he said, the only time I've ever seen your mom, this happy is when she gave birth to you kids. And so, and I just don't, he said, there's no major other achievements or accomplishments to achieve in life that are that big. And he goes, I'll, I'll never see your mother smile like that again. You know what, asshole, you're fucking right. But at the same time, you're wrong. You're right in that you will never be the cause of me smiling like that. My accomplishments will be, and I've got a lot of really badass fucking awesome accomplishments to make. And I feel very certain that, well, I've seen things. I know that I will be a public figure and that there's, that there are accomplishments that, that I will make that will be public. And so I'm certain that my face will be out in the public and he can try to look away if he wants to, but he was exactly right. Self fulfilling prophecy there. He will never be responsible for making me smile like that again. You've heard me laugh about some of his antics. Well, I think you have. It gets kind of confusing for me sometimes because I already have almost a year worth of, I don't want to say documentation because that makes it sound like paperwork, but I've been chronicling for almost a year and I continue to do that as I'm going through stuff, but this skipping backwards to go over some of this stuff, um, I just kind of, it's, I've got things that I've got to keep straight, which, uh, you know, I'm also trying to keep straight two jobs and my personal stuff and, you know, just the stuff, right? Juggle, juggle, juggle. So if you keep listening, you are going to hear me laugh hysterically about some of the crap that he pulls. That's also going to be balanced with not laughing hysterically, but there will be laughter. I will be laughing. I will be grinning. I will be exclaiming and laughing. beautiful ways, and it will be because of him, but he won't see it because he doesn't get to see that anymore. If he sees it in the future, it could be because I'm doing a public event, but I don't know. It would, I have hope. I have hope and expectation. It may not be a reasonable expectation, but I have hope that, as I wanted from the beginning, that he and I and both of our children will be able to be in the same room together and things be. I see great possibility there and I send what I have seen as a great possibility, I send love and light to that because if it happens the way I see, then it could be a really great healing thing and a monumental thing for our children to have for the rest of their life. And that's what is important to me. That may not have made any sense to you, but it does to me, and I just want the best for my babies. I want to fulfill my highest life purpose, and I believe that part of that is doing the best I can for my babies in whatever way that is. So right now, the best way for that is for me to give them space, but we'll get into that later. There are some very interesting things coming up in this journey, and right now things are smooth sailing. Even though you've heard me say some things already, right now the good stuff is happening. Well, episode one was obviously not good stuff happening, and that was the effect that it had on me so much so that I started chronicling. So, there's more to come. We'll see what you think about it. Couple of things I wanted to wrap up as, uh, or readdress as I wrap up is one, I said something about my son not liking it when we spend money on him and that I felt sad about that and, and feel guilt. And of course, what is it? Hindsight is 2020, meaning that whenever you look back on the past, then you see all the things that you could have done better. And one of the things that I think, well, I know that we definitely could have done differently is, um, I always tried to impress upon the kids that money didn't grow on trees. We were very blessed that we had what we needed. We were more blessed than some, but not as much as others. And we didn't have money to just go and spend willy nilly. I mean, sometimes we did, but not always. And also things cost money. So yes, it would be great to go and do this thing. But for a family our size, it would cost this much money and this is, you know, there was those kinds of things. The goal, and I take responsibility for this, the goal for me was to be realistic. I mean, honestly, I grew up paying for my own school lunches from the time that I was in the 6th grade on. I paid for a lot of my life. I babysat, I cleaned houses, I did whatever, even at the age of 11 years old. Doing things because my money didn't my family didn't have money to spend and I learned how hard it was to earn a dollar. I Wanted my children to understand that too I I wanted them to know that they had safety and security and thankfully they were blessed with a lot of things just as I was blessed with a lot of gifts from from people and Outcomes My family outside of the house had money, but my family in the house where I lived did not have money. And that's, that's where things were very difficult and trying. And so I was trying to teach my kids to have appreciation for what they have and to not just assume that everything comes to them. In hindsight, I don't think that my approach was the best. I think that there's a lot of things that could have been done better. Um, So do I regret that? Yes, I do. Especially because my son especially seems to have taken it to the heart, to heart the most. He was always the most hesitant on accepting money or letting me buy things for him. And even though I would tell him, thankfully later on, we were a lot better off financially. And I would tell him, son, we budget for this. Please let me spend this money on you. Please let me spoil you. Spoil me by letting me spoil you. And he'd say, no, I don't want to, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And whenever he received a gift, he was always very, very especially thankful for it, especially if it was something that he really wanted. And later on, whenever he started making a lot of money, and he had, he was a badass when it was time to save for his car and pay for it. He was a badass and he still had money left over and he wanted to spend it on us and that just kind of triggered something in me. It was, I've seen people, well, I've seen my ex husband abuse situations with kids, with his daughter, with both of our kids and, you know, something like manipulative, like, Yeah, yeah, it'd be nice to not have to cook tonight, you know, and just go get like some Taco Bell or something But I don't have any money You know, your mom's got all the money or you know, all the money's gone towards this or that and my kids All of it. Well, even even my stepdaughter would say well, I've got 20 bucks. I can pay for Taco Bell. Oh No, you know, you know, you don't have to do that. No dad. Seriously, let's go get Taco Bell I'm really craving like a crunchy taco or whatever. Oh, you sure you don't have to do that And they would wind up going to Taco Bell or whatever, whatever kind of thing. This is, this is how I mean by manipulation. And so then, then it's bragged about, Oh, yeah, my kids treated, treated the, the family to dinner tonight. Or they treated me, you know, they wanted to take me out for tacos or something. Mm hmm. So that manipulative behavior. Basically, he gets to manipulate them and, but they get rewarded with praise so they get encouraged to do it again so that they, so now they are primed and ready and open so whenever he's ready to manipulate them again, he does it and he does it successfully again. So I've seen that will, I haven't seen it because if I was there, it wouldn't have happened. So it only happened whenever I wasn't around, but I heard about it. So, for me, I was particularly triggered at the idea of my kids paying for something for me. At the same time, I understand that part of the definition of a gift is the receiving of the gift, and, because sometimes people need to give. So, it's not about, it's not about me taking something from someone else, it's about allowing them to give, if that makes sense. My thing was, though, that I guess, if there's a balance to everything, I was, instead of, Encouraging my kids to pay for treats for the family. I encouraged them to do that for each other and for them to save their money and maybe let me treat them. And I had to make myself receive sometimes because I understood that sometimes they needed to give. So like my, my son took me out for a belated Valentine's. Okay. That was a wonderful thing. And I let him pay for his meal and my meal. At the same time, I ordered a glass of wine and I also ordered something to take home. And so I said, I have to pay for the alcohol and I'm also going to pay for this other thing that I ordered. He said, okay, mom, that was a good deal. So I let him spoil me, but I didn't take advantage of him. This thing about the frames that I was talking about. So I started off describing them, but I didn't finish. When I shot up to Seattle for a day and a half, there was, I needed to duck into a store because there was a man following me. And so I ducked in there for, for a little while, and while I was there, I found these greeting cards that they were little four by four squares that they had these nice sayings on them. I described the sayings, the motivational kind of things, but they were actually greeting cards and they were only four by four. So they were small, right? I mean, that's about the size of a coaster, maybe a little bit bigger than a coaster, about one inch bigger on each side than a coaster. Not that big, right? Yeah, there's 10 of them. And with the custom frame, it made them a couple of inches bigger around. So we're talking about maybe a six by six square. And that's what he was throwing a fit about. I also talk about being my own puppet, or the journal entry is talking about being my own puppet is great. Forgive me if I've said this already, but I set the intention that I connect with my greatest, my best future self, which to me I define as the one who is the most in alignment with my creator, and my best future self is walking my highest life path. So I connect with her and I ask her to run me like a puppet. To say what I need to say, keep my mouth shut when I need to, go where I need to go, do what I need to do, or not, as needed, in order to get from here to her. So being my own puppet is great. In the words of Colin Ray, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. At least for now, because when I'm recording this, I don't remember what I told you about my story was, but I'm an honest person. So that is my story and I am sticking to it. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope, uh, I hope you stick around and hear some more. It gets better. Sometimes it gets worse, but it gets better. It gets a lot better.