I’m 57. Nobody warned me about these 2 regrets.

When you hit your 50s, two things happen that nobody prepares you for: you start to feel invisible, and you start to look back with regret. In this video, I break down "Ghost Mode"—that moment in the workplace or social circles where your ideas are bypassed and your messages are ignored. Statistics show that age discrimination and feeling irrelevant are the primary drivers of identity crises for those of us over 50.

I also dive deep into the psychology of regret. Whether it’s a career move you didn't make or a relationship you ended decades ago, we often mourn "what might have been" without realizing that the alternate outcome was never guaranteed to be better. If you are dealing with involuntary job loss, financial pressure, or the feeling of being sidelined, this is a conversation for the fellow traveler, not the guru.

In this podcast, we cover:

• How to handle "Ghost Mode" in a multi-generational workplace.
• The math behind regret and why your "what if" scenarios are likely wrong.
• Navigating the "Autumn" of life with dignity and a plan.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Life begins with your old beauty. You find your strong money.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Well, welcome to another edition of the Empower Over 50 Podcast. It's good to see you all. Welcome back. So today is Thursday, May 7th, and we're looking back at the uh videos of the week. And it all started on Monday when we look talked about ghost mode. And no, I wasn't referring to dating sites. Um I was actually referring to the fact that it's not unusual to quote a Tom Jones song, and don't worry, I won't burst out into song. Um once you get over 50 to feel like maybe you're becoming irrelevant. Maybe you're being ghosted. Maybe the early signs are when it happens at work. Particularly if you work with younger people. And it's easy to think maybe you're making a mistake or doing something at work, but maybe it isn't that. Maybe it is because you are being ghosted, because people feel that you're now irrelevant at your age. And all that wisdom and knowledge that you have garnished over your working life suddenly is of no use. Now of course we know better than that. But how does it start? What are the early warning signs that ghosting might be happening to you? Well, for me, when I when I was working, it'd be um small things like a slack message, you know, I'm replying to someone, or maybe I'm writing a slack message to somebody. And the response you get isn't quite what you expected. Is it basically like an emoji, or maybe okay, something along those lines? Not really what you were hoping for or expecting. That is kind of an inert an early sign, maybe, that you're being ghosted, that you're being basically looked upon as being irrelevant. Now there are more important warning signs than than Slack messages or emails, and that is, and I gave one example, was perhaps you're in a meeting and you have an idea. So you bring up the idea, and basically the kind of response you may get is something on the lines of, yeah, that sounds good, we'll look into that, and then they carry on without even questioning about what the idea is. Maybe you know their initial thought is well, you know, you don't know any better, can't be a good idea, but they don't even ask to ask more about what you were thinking of to get an explanation, maybe to see a clearer picture. Now, if that is happening to you, I would have to say seriously, you would have to think about possibly looking for another job at that point, because um that's not good, not good at all. Um, and if it is happening to you, maybe you could talk to a manager about it. But then again, hey, maybe it's the manager that actually is giving you the problem, maybe it's your manager that's giving you that emoji uh reply from your Slack message. And if that's the case, and if you've definitely had a feeling that perhaps the tone has changed over time between you and your manager, um definitely a warning sign that maybe you should be uh sharpening your resume and uh making inquiries because that is not a good sign. Ghosting can also happen in in the social world, you know, in your in your private life. You know, maybe old friends aren't calling to you uh calling you like like you they used to, or maybe you're calling them and you're getting voicemail and you're leaving a message, and either you don't hear back from them at all, or it could be a few days, a week or more, and maybe you left a couple of messages before they hear back from you. That's another possible sign of of ghosting. I went into this um on the video that when it comes to sort of like friends, although I I kind of like to think that I am the same person that I was 20 years ago, and I certainly like to think that I haven't grown up since 20 or 30 years ago. The truth is we're probably not the same people that we were. Um, particularly, you know, if your old friend goes back as far as your school days, which let's face it could be 40 years or more, and you know, that person that you were at school um certainly is not the same person that you are now, and although some friendships do endure and even grow, others do tend to part, um, and that's just life. So if that's happening too, um maybe an old friend of yours and yourself have kind of like I don't know, gone in different directions. I'm not saying abandon it, I'd say try and look into it, and depending on how solid that friendship was, try and save it if you can. But if it's a cold shoulder you're getting back, then three words, let it go. So there is no real solution to ghosting. Um you can address it, you can talk to people about it, and if if the other party wants to keep that friendship, then then then there's something to work towards. But sometimes it just isn't there. And actually, the strange thing is from Monday's video, I've actually received a number of comments from people basically saying they're glad, they're actually happy not to be the one people always go to, for example. Um, they feel glad that maybe life has quietened down a bit. And I I kind of understand what they mean by that. You know, I I've heard a few people actually even before talk to me about that. Maybe that's age, maybe that's just an age thing. As you get older, you you know, obviously you change, and you've had the 20 years or more of the hustle and the bustle and being the person, and now and now you're um not and it could be a commercial relief. That is certainly a a possibility. So that was Monday's video. Now on Thursday's video, um, which actually comes out in about an hour's time, I talk about regret. Um, and that's old blue eyes said uh regret, I have had a few, but then again, too few to mention. And I would argue that anybody that says um they have no regrets in life, I'll find you a liar there. Cause I'm sure we've all had some can of regret. Um for me, one of my biggest regrets was taking up smoking at a young age. You know, back in the 80s, early 80s, it was kind of like the hip thing to do, and I I do regret that. Um, primarily for the health reasons. You know, fortunately I've I've not suffered too badly as a result, but uh there definitely have been issues, and I'm sure I'd be in a much better place if I hadn't smoked. And just for clarity, guys, I haven't smoked a cigarette in probably four or five years, something along those lines. But it would have been better not to have smoked at all. Now, the thing about regret though is it comes in different forms uh or different um levels, I'm not sure if that's the right word to use. And you know, one one example would be you know you're a kid and and you know you I don't know, you you want you you could have bought something and you didn't think about it, and then it was sold out and you regretted not buying it. Now, there's a chance you might regret that for the rest of your life, but I'm hedging my bet, so it's probably forgotten by now. But as you get older, those regrets um do possibly can get stronger, and the regret could be like in a relationship, for example, you could regret not asking the girl out from high school, and you think back to her even now, and you think, Oh, I wonder what would have happened if I'd asked her out. Or maybe it's um a promotion that someone, a company that you work for said, Hey, you should go for this, and you thought, nah, it's not really me, and then somebody else gets the job, and you think, ah, you know, maybe I should have gone for it, you know. Grass is always greener, all that 2020. You get the message. So there's that, and then one of the bigger regrets, maybe, as we get older, is relationships. You know, if you're if you're married or you're with a partner for a long time, maybe it went it went south. Basically, maybe you know, she or he left you. And you may look back at it and you think, well, what could I have done better? Could I have been a better parent? Could I have been a better partner? What could I have done? Because sometimes you know, you can take on the guilt and feel like it's something that you've done. Um, and that is a hard one, particularly if you know if there's a family involved, and you know, sometimes you get the whole family dynamics going on. Now, fortunately, I've not had anything, any issues like that at all. Um, I am divorced, I got separated divorced a long time ago. Um, and she is the mother of my two wonderful sons, but um but actually we separated on very good terms, and um and to this day we are on very good terms. In fact, I quite often ask her if she's missing me. Strangely, she says no, but anyway, that to one side. Um, so I can't really talk too much about the whole divorce thing in in later life, but that can be a big regret. But the thing I always say, and I've said it in a few times, a few videos, is that with you know with big with life in general, you can't go forward if you keep looking back in the rearview mirror. You can't you can't keep looking back. You know, you're always gonna probably carry that regret with you, and it's one of those things that will come back and haunt you when you think about it, but perhaps in your day-to-day life you don't think about it all the time. So try not to look back on it too much if you can, and and and try and look forward to to what you want to achieve in life, particularly as you get older, because as I talked about last week, you know, definitely we feel that clock ticking once you get into your 50s and and 60s, and obviously the more so the older you get. So I think it's really crucial that you actually really try and focus on on what you want from life and try and have as few regrets as possible because the other flip side to regret is, you know, right now, for example, uh, and we'll use me as an example, you know, 16, 15 months ago, whenever I started this YouTube channel and then subsequently this podcast, and I love it, absolutely love it, but I didn't just start it one day, it took me about a year or more to basically build up my confidence to start the YouTube channel, and I always felt that if I didn't do it, I'd regret it, and I didn't want to be on my deathbed feeling regretful that I hadn't done it. Um again, the what ifs, but and that's the other thing you know about the deathbed. I don't mean to get too morbid, but you never hear anybody on their deathbed saying, Oh, I wish I I worked more. You know, you never hear that. You tend to hear people talk about, I wish I'd spent more time with my family, I wish I hadn't worked so hard, um, and I'd spent more time with my kids when they were growing up. You know, that's one thing about getting older, and it kind of goes back to the whole ghost mode and people kind of glad, perhaps not being called upon. But it's like you get a new, fresh outlook of what is important and what isn't important, and particularly when that clock's ticking, you're made extra aware of. But I want to give you one other thought about this whole regret thing, and it occurred to me whilst I was making the video for this week that um, you know, I I dated a girl back in England before I moved to the US, and and we separated. I actually finished the relationship, but I've often thought what would have happened had I not have finished it? And I think to myself, you know, I wouldn't be a divorced man. Um I could be married with three kids, a dog and a cat, nice home, living back home in England, because I do miss England, I must confess. But what if that didn't work out? What if we got divorced after three months or ten years? Just because you regret not doing something doesn't automatically mean that whatever it is you didn't do was gonna work out. Because it may not have worked out, it might have actually been a good thing not doing it. But of course, you'll never know. You know, that's that's the thing, right? You'll never know. So my I would say if you do regret doing something, just keep in the back of your mind that okay, you may regret doing may you may regret not doing something, but you don't really know what would have happened had you have done it. And also one thing I didn't mention in the video, which I did think about later, um, was you know, like family members. My father passed away 14 years ago now, and I was fortunate that I happened to be in the UK when it happened. Um, I mean he just went downhill so quickly that myself and my sons just happened to be there. It was over the Christmas period, and certainly no indication that he was you know on his way out. But we happened to be there, and I'm glad now my mum, she's 84, um and she's a trooper. I mean, 84 she still works, not because she has to, but because she chooses to. We have a family business back in the UK, I've mentioned it before. And um and she runs it with my brother, but no, she chooses to work. Um but you know, I I I yeah, I I also enjoy the time or because of that, I enjoy the time to go to England as much as I can and stay for as long as I can so I can get quality time. Typically in the past, I would take her away for a few days or a week somewhere um for a vacation because otherwise she wouldn't get one. And those are all memories that that we're making. So when the day does come and she moves off the mortal coil, hopefully I won't have any regrets. So, you know, regrets are a really complicated thing, um and it it can be a heavy weight to carry. But don't be too hard on yourself. Now, with all that being said, I'm gonna do a little plug for the new Empower Over 50 community page. It's live, has been now for a few weeks. We're kind of a small community, uh, but we are growing, and I encourage you to go to empowerover50.com. That's empowerover5050.com and check out the website because if you go to the community tab, you do have to sign up, but it's free, completely free. Um, and you just go in, sign up, you get a verification uh code in the email, you pop that into the browser, and you're in. That's it, it takes 30 seconds, and in there you'll have access to the message of the day and also the community board where you can post um your wins, your losses, anything that you've maybe learned through a job application or anything in life, whether it's work-related, relationships, second act, whatever it is, you can post, and like I said, we are a little thin on the ground, but the community page has only been open for a few weeks. I'm always in there, um, so if I see someone comment, I always reply to the comment. We want to get the conversation going, we want to get the message board active so we can all help and support each other. So please consider going to empowerover50.com and look at the community tab to sign up. I also just want to do a quick plug that on the website you'll also find over 20 different PDFs which I have worked hard to create, and they're free. I don't want any money for them, they're free, and they cover job loss, retirement, finances, um, reinvention, relationships. There's over 20 PDFs, like I said, they're all free. Go ahead and download them, and also there's a self-assessment tool. If you're feeling a little bit lost, you just go through some questions. We don't store any information. It's all just once it's done, it's done, it's gone. We don't store information. Um, so check that out. Okay, guys. Well, thank you very much. I hope you've enjoyed this week's podcast, and I'll speak to you all next week. Until then, cheers.