Your Utmost Life
Do you feel invisible, overwhelmed, or disconnected from the woman you once were beyond your role as mom? You're not alone. Many women struggle with maintaining self-worth, finding balance, and rediscovering joy while taking care of everyone else.
Your Utmost Life offers practical tools and transformative strategies to help you reclaim your identity, rebuild your confidence, and create a life that excites and fulfills you. Each week, Misty guides you through actionable topics like self-discovery, personal growth, boundary setting, time management, relationship transformation, and purposeful living.
Because you're not just a mom—you're a woman with untapped potential, waiting to live your utmost life.
Your Utmost Life
Major Mom Mistake #1: Talking Invisibility & Loss of Self
Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and barely recognize the woman staring back? The one who once dreamed big, burned with passion, and had a purpose beyond meeting everyone else's needs? You're not alone. What if you could finally reclaim that vibrant, purposeful woman you've always been? If this resonates with you, then this series is your guide back to yourself.
Welcome to the first episode of our powerful new series, "The Six Major Mom Mistakes and How to Fix Them." Have you ever considered that one of the most dangerous traps mothers fall into isn't what you expect, but rather a subtle habit you probably never even realized you're doing – one that masquerades as noble, pure, and essential for being a 'superwoman,' the perfect mom and a great wife – yet it's silently costing you your joy and sense of self?
In this powerful first episode, we'll uncover the hidden costs of this pattern, revealing how it's fueling your disconnection, invisibility, and those pervasive feelings of being "used up" and past your prime.
We're praised for being selfless and giving, creating a dangerous equation in our minds: more service equals more value. But this fundamentally flawed equation, where you become everything to everyone, is actually the very thing paradoxically moving you further away from the connected, joy-filled family life you desire, and costing you your true self.
The truth is profound yet simple: your worth is non-negotiable. It doesn't fluctuate based on productivity. It's not dependent on others' opinions. Your value exists because you exist - just like Michelangelo's David stands as a masterpiece without doing anything but existing. And if you are ready to begin reclaiming your identity, how could you actively rewire your brain to believe this truth through simple daily practices that affirm your inherent value?
Ready to stop feeling invisible in your own life? What would it be like to transform your marriage from servitude to partnership, raise children who respect boundaries, and most importantly, reclaim the vibrant, purposeful woman you've always been? Subscribe to this podcast series to begin your transformation.
0:00 Welcome to Your Utmost Life
1:55 The First Major Mom Mistake
6:27 The Exhausted Mom's Daily Reality
9:53 The Selfless Service Myth
15:34 Your Worth Is Non-Negotiable
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This is the very first episode in this brand new podcast series focused on reclaiming who you are, beyond just a wife and a mom. If you are feeling invisible, unseen, undervalued and disconnected from those you love and yourself, if you're doing everything for everyone but feel as though no one sees you, if you feel disconnected from who you are, this series is for you. In this first episode, we are talking about something you probably never realized you're doing, which is taking pride in handling it all, putting everyone else first and doing whatever it takes to ensure that you are valuable. How it's causing your disconnection, invisibility and, yes, those feelings of being used up and past your prime. I guarantee that if you are listening to this episode and you are questioning your purpose beyond being a mom and a wife, or have broken down in tears while showering, and you aren't feeling valued by your family, despite everything you do for everyone every day, I'm willing to bet that you might be erasing yourself from your own life, and we're going to help you fix that in today's episode. So keep on listening. Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and barely recognize that woman staring back? The woman who once dreamed big, burned with passion and had a purpose beyond meeting everyone else's needs.
Speaker 0:Hi y'all, I'm Missy Chelly, and this is your Utmost Life the podcast for moms who feel guilty for wanting more or can't remember the last time they truly felt like themselves. If you are tired of feeling invisible, overwhelmed and stretched too thin, you've come to the right place. Here we'll explore how to reclaim your identity beyond mom and Thank you. Move from surviving to thriving, without guilt, overwhelm or upheaval. Become an utmost woman who doesn't just exist. She designs her life with intention, creates meaningful impact and shows up as her full, authentic self in every area of her life. So stick around, we're just getting started. Hello, welcome to another episode of your Utmost Life Podcast.
Speaker 0:Today we are kicking off a new series I'm calling the six major mom mistakes and how to fix them. These are the most common mistakes that I see moms make, and I know that I made myself for years. These are the things that just leave us moms feeling invisible, undervalued, stressed out, worn out and disconnected from those that we love, from ourselves, and they cause us to go through life on autopilot and leave us feeling worn out and used up and, quite frankly, wanting something more, but not really sure what more actually means. After talking to some moms and some other women and really hearing what they were saying, I realized that there were several things that they were stating that I completely understood, because I too had experienced them, and the struggles they were having, the feeling that they couldn't shake, and the response that they were getting from their family were all that I too had gone through. And I narrowed it down to these six mistakes that kept reoccurring again and again and really are those that seem to be the most detrimental to the life that we are building, the family that we love and the woman that we long to be. So I wanted to kick this series off with one that sneaks up on us. It masquerades as noble, pure and really what we are to do if we want to be superwoman, the perfect mom and a great wife. It is the one that leaves us emotionally depleted, waking up, stressed out and feeling behind. It causes us to lay awake running through our day and our to-do list. It causes us to feel inadequate and unappreciated. And if we're honest with ourselves, it's just you and I here. So let's be honest. I'm not judging, because I too have been there.
Speaker 0:We sometimes can feel resentful of those that we love because we feel taken for granted, which in turn, makes us feel like we're bad moms and a wife, which, in turn, causes us to blame ourselves and our systems. We say things like we just need to manage our time better, organize our life better. We just need to be better. And here's the thing. I know that you love your family. I know, as a mom and a wife, that you feel grateful and just want to be your absolute best and give them everything. You want your husband to look at you and tell you that you are his superwoman. You want your kids to think that you are the best mom in the world. You want your husband to look at you and tell you that you are his superwoman. You want your kids to think that you are the best mom in the world. You want to feel valued, appreciated and like you are rocking your job as a wife and a mom.
Speaker 0:I believe all great moms and wives do. Can we agree? There is nothing wrong with wanting that. We know that we are proud of our role as a mom. We are thankful for our husband. We love our family. We stepped into these roles with the full intention of living out our life together as a family, making memories, laughing together, watching our children turn into amazing adults, and the life we would build was a beautiful dream we had together. But here's the problem those kids we love, that husband we adore and that life that we are building. When we saw the life unfolding in that beautiful dream, we didn't see that we would have a packed schedule but feel empty. A relationship with your husband that feels more like coexisting than a deeply intimate relationship between two best friends. You didn't envision time for everyone else's needs but your own. A relationship with your kids that feels a bit like a service provider, less like they appreciate you. As moms desiring to love our family with all of our heart, we became the ultimate giver, the family's foundation, the selfless servant. We show our gratitude for a wonderful life and ensure that each one in our family knows how much they are loved. By operating from a subconscious belief, we slip into a subconscious operating system, from an understanding that we need to do everything for everyone or we are failing as a mom, wife and daughter.
Speaker 0:So you wake up at 5.30 with your mind racing through the day's demands. You have coffee made, laundry started, dishwasher empty and thinking about dinner, all by 6.30 am. Then the morning sprint begins ensuring that doctor's appointments are scheduled, texts are sent out to remind your son about his prescription he needs to pick up, coordinating with your husband who will pick up groceries, and mentally calculating if there is enough in checking to cover the textbooks your daughter needs. Wait, what are you going to eat today? Coffee in a breakfast bar, it is, and string cheese for lunch. And off to work. You go. Work is no different. You're pulled in different directions and texts from your family don't stop. What's for dinner? Can you schedule my dentist appointment? Do you know where my birth certificate is? Oh, mental note, need to find out if the dorm covers renter's insurance.
Speaker 0:Reality is, you've spent your day responding to family related needs on top of your work and household responsibilities, and it's not even the evening, which itself has a long list of to do's. So when you arrive home, you put away groceries, start dinner prep and put laundry in the dryer. Your husband arrives home and he claps on the couch. And has this been a long day? Sigh At 730, dinner is served and questions ensue. Did you call about financial aid? Your dentist called about rescheduling. How does Tuesday at three work? What did your boss say about having to go out of town in a couple weeks.
Speaker 0:8.15 dinner wraps up. Kitchen cleaning begins alone because your family disperses immediately after eating. 8.45 bills are paid, folded laundry, tidying up the house. You take the keys you found in the couch to your son. Remind your daughter that she needs to speak to her advisor. Ask your husband if he needs those papers he left in the chair. 9.30, finally, time for a shower.
Speaker 0:Worn out, you stand there mentally exhausted. As you remember, you forgot to schedule the appointment for the AC company. Mental note made tears roll down your face. Another day passing and that same reoccurring thought pops in your head. I feel so exhausted, worn out and, honestly, used up. You really wanted to get to that book that you heard everyone raving about and you bought months ago but haven't even opened. And as you stand there brushing your teeth, you glance at yourself in the mirror and you think when did I get so old looking? And you quickly look away.
Speaker 0:1130, laying in bed, frustrated, exhausted, and hoping and praying you'd go to sleep, but your mind won't shut off, replaying the day, what you need to do tomorrow, planning out how you can improve your schedule so that you can finally have a moment to rest. I'm frustrated why you can't seem to figure it out. It seems like everyone else has. What we fail to see is that we are sabotaging our dream. You doing everything for everyone is the most adverse way to love your family and be the best mom and wife. Now let me explain. We are not failing when we don't do everything for everyone. We are actually failing, as a wife and a mom, when we do subscribe to doing everything for everyone. Honestly, I get this 100%. I know why you think that, and it's okay.
Speaker 0:There is a systematic cultural programming that states worth comes from service, especially for women. Society reinforces this belief when we become mothers by praising us for being so giving and selfless. But how does selflessness equal success? How does successful parenting come from carrying the load for everyone? How does doing everything for everyone prove that you are not failing to raise well-adjusted, self-respecting and whole children? How does managing everyone else's life create intimacy with your spouse? How much do you have to do for those you love before you feel you've done enough for them and can be seen by them as a great mom and an amazing wife? I guarantee in their eyes it is a whole lot less than what you've been doing. The truth is, you've been working your butt off and feel disconnected from your husband, like a service provider to your children, and unsure of who you are outside of a mom and a wife. And if you continue taking care of everyone and everything, being everything to everyone, it will continue to take you further and further from that dream. You had that vision you set with your husband the day you two talked about your future. Where do you think you will be in another five, 10 years from now?
Speaker 0:I know what it feels like to completely lose yourself in motherhood because I lived it. I once lived my life based on my relationships, what I perceived to be to others. I believed that my value to others came from what I was able to give or do for them. There was a time when I literally couldn't tell who I was outside of being a taxi driver for my kids, the cleaning crew who took care of the house or a daughter who was never calling enough. I had been so erased by my roles that I had no identity left. But here's what I learned Just because you become a mother doesn't mean you have to give yourself away to others and their love, respect and your worth to them doesn't increase with the more that you give of yourself.
Speaker 0:We try to please our spouse, the children, our boss, our parents, our friends, our neighbors, etc. Our ability to do so is kind of like a bank. In the mornings, when we wake up, we are full of love and then, as the day goes on, our love account becomes more and more depleted Every couple of months. My love account would become completely severely negative and the bank would close my account until I made a deposit. I would literally shut down, I would run out of everything in me and I would collapse and just have to go rest for several days.
Speaker 0:I am pretty sure your intention as a wife was to be married to your best friend, to make memories, to raise your children in a loving home and live a life full of passion, joy and purpose. But you find yourself in a position that feels more like his coworker, your children undervalued assistant, and you no longer feel like the woman who had dreams and passions. You now feel like an invisible mama. So what do thriving, fulfilled women with passionate marriages and respectful, deeply connected relationships do? Well, they know they're valued for who they are, not for what they do. Can you think of one person who is thriving that doesn't believe in themselves? No, as Beyonce once said, just because you become a mom, it doesn't mean you lose who you are. Motherhood is an addition to who you are, not a replacement of who you are. So how do you shift your perspective and start to understand that you are valuable to your family, not for what you do, but for who you are?
Speaker 0:First, we must start with a foundational truth. I say foundational because I believe that all good things flow from our understanding of our worth. Think about it. If something holds value in your eyes, how do you treat it? You give it care, you guard it. You look at it with admiration, you talk about it with joy and pride. Notice the question I just asked If something holds value in your eyes, you must be honest with how much value you see in yourself. Outside of your functionability, how you see yourself is vital. The value that you place on you as a person is the seed from which everything flows and grows out of.
Speaker 0:Think about the David sculpture by Michelangelo. Some saw the block of marble as nothing but a rock, but Michelangelo saw the masterpiece hidden inside. Some people today still look at that masterpiece as nothing but a rock. But those who see it as the masterpiece it is revel in its magnificence and believe it to be priceless. Let's take it even further. That priceless sculpture does nothing. It stands housed in an Italian gallery, it doesn't do laundry, it doesn't clean the house, it doesn't ensure that every appointment is made, every bill is paid, every person who is around has every want and need. He isn't serving anyone outside of just existing. Yet he provides joy, wonderment and value to those around him.
Speaker 0:You are a masterpiece. You are priceless, but you have to choose to see yourself as such. Wayne Dwyer says it best. He says that self-worth cannot be verified by others. You are worthy because you say so. If you depend on others for your value, it's other worth. The truth is, you don't have to accept that you are a priceless masterpiece. You can continue to live as though your value only exists through service. But even machines need to be maintained, otherwise they wear out fast, break down and eventually just get used up. However, just like Michelangelo saw the masterpiece hidden inside the marble block, others can see you hidden underneath the performance.
Speaker 0:When you met your husband, did you laugh together? Did you dream together? Did you share in each other's achievements, joys and enjoy the company of each other. You saw him as worth your time, energy, your affection. You valued him for simply being him, just as he saw your value as a person, as the woman he wanted to marry and spend his life with. He didn't see you as a housekeeper, a banker, a cook, an Uber driver to his future children. He saw you as a valuable partner, a beautiful woman, a masterpiece.
Speaker 0:Here's the truth. Your worth is non-negotiable. Your worth isn't earned through performance. It doesn't fluctuate based on productivity. It's not dependent on others' opinions. It exists because you exist. Your children are valuable to you, but let's be honest, it isn't because they're doing everything for you, ensuring that your every want and need is handled before you even know that it exists. You value and love them because they exist. Period. You loved and valued them before you even laid eyes on them. You, too, have the same value. So how do you embrace your inherent value and see yourself as the masterpiece that you are when, for more than a decade, you've saw your value based on your service to others?
Speaker 0:It's simple you will never feel like a masterpiece if you're not treated like one, and that includes the way that you treat yourself. In fact, it starts with you. You have to establish your foundation. Remember, all things flow from the seed of self-worth. You must declare your basic rights. You have the right to feel worthy. You have the right to express your needs and wants. You have the right to see the rewards of your labor. After years of your brain telling yourself you don't have those rights, you don't deserve those things, you have to tell yourself a different story. You must get your brain to believe the truth. You are worthy because you exist. You are valuable because you are human. You are a masterpiece by design.
Speaker 0:For the next week, I want you to take 15 seconds a few times throughout your day. Yes, you can spend a whole minute on yourself without being selfish. I want you to remind yourself of those truths. I want you to look in the mirror and look yourself directly in the eye and tell yourself you are worthy because you exist. You are valuable because you are human. You are a beautiful masterpiece by design. And say it with the same determination, smile and love as you would to your daughter, your son, to your best friend.
Speaker 0:I know what you are probably thinking, what this is ridiculous, but here's the truth. Your brain is amazing, but it is also simple, and the fact that if someone you loved kept telling you those same truths over and over, you would begin to feel that they were true, correct. So the fact is, you can actively rewire your brain to cultivate a positive mindset. Dr Daniel Amen is quoted saying you are not stuck. With the brain you have, you can make it better. We all have a dialogue subconsciously going through our heads all day long. Some of those thoughts are beneficial and some are holding us back. The words we say to ourselves can help us, improve or harm the way we think about ourselves. Think about this for a second. Imagine if you said those same words. You and your husband said those same words that I'm asking you to say to your daughter over and over and over again. How do you think she would feel about herself? The success of this practice comes from repetition, which is why you need to pause for 15 seconds.
Speaker 0:You need to look yourself in the mirror in the morning when you are getting ready, pull out a compact in your office at work, flip down your visor in the car at a red light and tell yourself you are worthy because you exist. You are valuable because you are human. You are a beautiful masterpiece by design. Remind yourself one more time at night after brushing your teeth. Remember those are inherent truths. They exist just as the air you breathe. You just needed to be reminded that you are worth it. Remember you are valuable and valuables are treated with love, and that includes the way that you treat yourself. You are worthy because you say it, so the women who are thriving are those whose lives are aligned with her true identity. You are worthy because you say it's so. She knows her inherent worth isn't based on productivity. She creates purposeful impact from her authentic self and makes intentional choices as the architect of her own life.
Speaker 0:I know that this is different than what you've been taught, what you've been believing, and far from what you've been doing. I understand completely. If you have listened to some of my other podcast episodes or read any of my articles or followed me on social, you might know by now that my why behind this podcast and your most self is because of the time in my life where my story was dark and I could not see any light. I had a marriage that was coming to an end, relationships with my kids that I thought were broken, and I lived in a new environment that seemed to have stolen all the dreams I had made, and I had a boat full of lies that I was believing as to honest-to-God gospel. That time in my life all came from one root belief my worth, their love.
Speaker 0:My purpose was to serve, do everything for everyone, or I was failing in my duty as a wife and a mom. If someone was upset, it was my fault. I needed to fix it, no matter how big, how small or if it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I needed to anticipate once before they existed, and every need must be met with precision. Otherwise I wasn't the attentive, loving mother and wife I needed to be. I became the invisible infrastructure of everyone else's life, while my own life quietly disappeared.
Speaker 0:One day, one decision, one yes, at a time. You know the worst part. Looking back on that period in my life, it still brings tears to my eyes, but what I can honestly say is it was me who imposed those lies into my way of operating, not my husband, not my kids, but me. I misunderstood what being a great wife and mother meant. Not self-sacrifice beyond self-care, not servitude as proof of value and love. Yes, life does require action. Love is selfless but not self-destructive, and doing everything for everyone is not loving your family. Well, a loving family respects each other's boundaries. It lifts each other up. It works together as a team to accomplish life's daily demands. They support each other, value each other, value each other's input and opinion.
Speaker 0:When things were at rock bottom in my life, I had two choices Keep doing what I've been doing or make a change and try something new. I knew that the day I married my husband, I didn't have dreams of it being on the brink of divorce. I knew that all the distance I felt between my children and myself wasn't at all what I wanted, and I knew that the way I felt about myself, my life, my future, was not one that I wanted to keep heading toward. So let me ask you do you want to continue to prove your worth through service? Teach your children that love is to diminish oneself for others, and shift your marriage from one of love to one of drudgery. Do you want to keep experiencing constant exhaustion that rest does not fix feeling unappreciated and resentful, despite doing everything right, and feeling every moment with tasks and busyness, taking pride in handling it all without asking for help or saying yes to every request from every family member, staying busy from wake-up time to bedtime, over-functioning in all relationships?
Speaker 0:Or would you rather focus on embracing your inherent worth so you can live as an utmost woman? Live aligned with your true identity, with confidence, clarity and joy, not just fulfilling your roles, but leading a life designed with you included. Know that your inherent worth isn't based on productivity. Create purposeful impact from your authentic self. Make intentional choices as the architect of your own life so that you can feel valuable for who you are, not what you do. No longer feel invisible in your own life.
Speaker 0:Experience fulfillment beyond family obligations. Have marriage based on partnership, not servitude. Raise your children who respect boundaries and appreciate efforts. Build friendships based on mutual interest, not just convenience. Make choices based on your own values, not guilt. Model fulfilled womanhood for your daughter. Show your son what to look for in a strong partner and leave a legacy of purpose, not just sacrifice. If you are ready to embrace your inherent worth and start living as the masterpiece that you are, then subscribe to my podcast, because you won't want to miss this series and you don't want to miss this brand new three-day reclaiming who you are beyond mom and wife event that's coming soon. So stay tuned because, remember, you are more than a service provider or everything to everyone. You are someone. You are a priceless masterpiece.