Your Utmost Life

What to Do When You Want a New Chapter But Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore

• Misty Celli • Episode 11

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Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's story? That strange limbo where you've given so much of yourself away that you barely recognize what's left? You're not alone.

Somewhere along the way, many of us adopted the belief that clarity must come before action—that we need to have everything figured out before taking even the first step toward change. This seemingly logical approach is actually what keeps us trapped in confusion, endlessly searching for answers yet never moving forward.

The truth is revolutionary yet simple: clarity doesn't precede movement; movement creates clarity. Just like driving at night, your headlights only illuminate the next hundred feet, but that's enough to keep going. Each step reveals the next, and transformation happens not in the planning but in the doing.

Through the Your Utmost Life Method's three phases—Discovery, Design, and Do—we learn that becoming unstuck doesn't require a five-year plan or perfect understanding. It begins with awareness, not answers. It continues with gentle shifts in direction guided by our core values. And it flourishes when we finally give ourselves permission to take small, aligned actions without requiring complete certainty first.

Research shows that 70% of women spend an average of 2.5 years feeling stuck before making transformative changes. That's nearly a thousand days of waiting for permission to begin. What might happen if you stopped requiring yourself to have it all figured out and instead took one brave step today?

Download the free Your Utmost Alignment Check-In at https://yourutmostself.com/alignment-checkin/ and discover what small shift might create the momentum—and clarity—you've been waiting for. Your path forward isn't waiting for you to understand it fully. It's waiting for you to begin walking.

📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to know she’s not broken—just buried. Let her know she’s not alone.

🔗 Follow along on Instagram for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself

🎧 Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are.

✨ Continue your journey at Your Utmost Self - free resources, articles, and more.

Misty Celli:

You know something needs to change, but you don't even know what page you're on anymore. The life you've built starts to feel unfamiliar, like you're living in a story that used to be yours but no longer fits. And what if that sign you've been waiting for isn't a breakdown or a burning bush, but the quiet restlessness you've been carrying for weeks, have you been whispering to yourself? I know something needs to change, but I don't know what. I don't know who I am. You're at that invisible crossroads where you've given so much of yourself away that you barely recognize what's left. This isn't just mom fatigue, it's not a midlife slump. It's a waking up at 2 am with your heart racing, wondering where is everybody? Are they safe? Did they turn in that paper?

Misty Celli:

And as you lay there, your mind shifts to the day ahead, the to-do list already growing before the sun even rises. You're exhausted, longing for just a little more sleep. But instead you reach for your phone and start scrolling through old photos. You see your kids, those sweet baby faces, and a wave of nostalgia hits. Where did the time go? And then it creeps in. You start to wonder who you'll be now. What will life look like? When exactly did you disappear from your own story. And when did you start to feel so old, so used up? You've tried the self-care solutions, the bubble baths, the girls' nights, the meditation apps, but somehow they leave you feeling even more hollow, you wonder. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong or worse, maybe those things were never meant for women in this season of life? Because, let's be honest, they feel like they're designed for 20-somethings who are burned out from too many brunches and deadlines, not for the woman who's carried a family, a history and the weight of being needed. For so long she forgot how to need herself. Because, deep down, you know this isn't about needing a break from your life. It's about needing to find yourself within it. You're terrified to admit what whispers in the quiet moments that loving your family fiercely and wanting more for yourself can coexist in the same heart. You become fluent in meeting everyone else's needs, while your own voice has gone silent.

Misty Celli:

You move through your days, checking boxes, laundry load one is in, the colors are folded, emails answered, groceries ordered, while carrying the invisible weight of a question you can barely put to words Is this all there is? The day is full, but your soul feels empty. And in those rare moments of stillness, when the house is finally quiet, when you're driving alone, when you catch a reflection and barely recognize the woman looking back, something rises in you, something that feels like grief and possibility. You're not ungrateful for the life you've built. You couldn't imagine having taken a different path. You are so full of love and gratitude, which makes the guilt even more confusing. Maybe the guilt isn't just your heart checking in on itself, or maybe maybe you're just now becoming aware with growing certainty that you were meant to be more than a supporting character in your own story and the guilt. Maybe it's just the fear of talking, because for over 18 years you've pushed yourself aside and now the thought of including you again. Well, it's a little scary. Do you feel invisible, overwhelmed or disconnected from the woman you once were? Beyond your roles as a mom? You're not alone. Many women struggle with maintaining self-worth, finding balance and rediscovering joy while taking care of everyone else.

Misty Celli:

I'm Misty Chelley, founder of your Upmost Life Method, a mom of two and a woman who knows firsthand that identity shifts of motherhood don't have to lead to identity crisis. They can become the gateway to your most authentic, powerful season yet. Welcome to your Upmost Life Podcast. I am so glad you're here, because you're not just a mom. You are a woman with untapped potential, ready to live your utmost life. Today, we're going to challenge one of the most persistent lies that keeps women stuck in that strange limbo between who they were and who they're becoming. This is the belief that you need perfect clarity before you can take the first step toward change. I'll show you why waiting for clarity actually keeps you spinning in confusion, and how taking aligned action, even small steps, creates the clarity you've been craving. I've lived in this limbo myself, that strange space where you know you can't keep going on like this, but you're terrified to move without certainty.

Misty Celli:

I remember lying awake. It was 3 am on a Tuesday and everyone was asleep everyone but me. There I was scrolling through Google, searching for how to find purpose outside of motherhood and feeling more lost with every click. That moment felt like rock bottom, but looking back, I was actually the first tiny spark of my awakening. I was beginning to name the invisible ache. I was acknowledging that something needed to change, even if I didn't know what that change would look like. Maybe you're in that place right now. Perhaps you're thinking I just need to figure out what I want, and then I'll be ready to start. But what if that approach is precisely what's keeping you stuck? If something in you resonates with what I'm saying, I would love for you to screenshot this episode right now and share it in your stories with the phrase clarity isn't a prerequisite, it's a result, and tag me at your utmost self and let's make this our new mantra for moving forward.

Misty Celli:

On the surface, what you're experiencing might feel like simple indecision or confusion. You're craving a new chapter, but you feel stuck because you don't know exactly who you are outside of your roles as a mother, partner, professional daughter and friend. The constant mental loop sounds like I need to figure out who I am and what I want first, and then I can make changes. But let's go deeper Somewhere along the way you adopted the idea that clarity must come before action. This belief says you need to have everything figured out who you are, what you want, where you're going before you can take even the first step. It tells you that you'll waste time, make mistakes or look foolish if you start moving without absolute certainty. This belief is so powerful because it masquerades as wisdom. It feels logical and responsible, like careful planning, but in reality it's a form of perfectionism and a fear in disguise. And here's the real cost.

Misty Celli:

While you wait for perfect clarity to arrive like a lightning bolt of inspiration, your life stays paused. Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that 70% of women in midlife reported feeling stuck for an average of two and a half years before making a change they later described as transformative. That's nearly a thousand days of waiting for permission to begin. So you wait. You wait for a sign, a breakdown or someone else's permission. You keep collecting more information, take more personality tests and reading more self-help books, all while the restlessness grows and your authentic self remains buried beneath the weight. Crush it and you hold it down. You keep living a half-life. According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Women's Health, this state of prolonged limbo actually creates more anxiety and indecision, not less. The longer we wait for clarity before action, the more paralyzed we become.

Misty Celli:

Here's a truth that transformed my own journey Clarity doesn't precede movement. Movement creates clarity. Let me repeat that Clarity does not come before movement. It's movement that creates clarity. Think about it like driving at night your headlights only illuminate the next what? 100 feet of road in front of you. You can't see the entire journey from start to finish, but you can see just enough to keep rolling, and as you move forward, more of the path is revealed. That's exactly where the creation of your utmost life method came from. Not because I had it all figured out, but because I needed a way forward when I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I needed a path that didn't require perfect clarity Just the curve should take one step, and the trust that movement itself would bring the next piece of revelation, or, at the very least, my next right step.

Misty Celli:

The your utmost life method breaks down into three essential phases that work together to create a path forward. When you feel lost, discovery this isn't about having answers, but simply about becoming aware. You begin by naming where you are right now, without judgment. What feels misaligned? What are you saying yes to, out of obligation rather than desire? What is the small voice inside you trying to say that you've been too busy, too tired or too afraid to hear? The second phase is design. You don't need a full-blown plan, you just need a hazy vision so that you can begin a gentle shift in direction. In this phase, you begin clarifying your core values and begin to imagine a life that aligns with them, even if you can't see every detail yet. And the third phase is do. This is where most women get stuck, because they think they need to be ready before they begin. This is the phase where we're not waiting for readiness. It's about taking small, aligned actions that create momentum and clarity, not waiting until you have it all figured out. Let me share how this played out in my own life.

Misty Celli:

After that night of desperate Googling, I didn't suddenly receive a five-year plan, downloaded from heaven. There was no blueprint. Instead, I made one tiny decision Next time I was in the car running errands, I would turn off the radio so that my mind could have a small moment of silence. Maybe, just maybe, I could hear that small voice inside and spend that time reconnecting with myself. I had no idea what would come from it. I didn't have a grand vision. I just knew I needed space. That was mine. Those silent drives eventually became the foundation of a journal practice which led to rediscovering my appreciation for my own thoughts and inner world.

Misty Celli:

That time in silence sparked the idea of your utmost self. I realized I wasn't the only woman who felt like I was and, as Google hadn't helped me, maybe, just maybe I could be the voice that let another mom know she wasn't alone. This in turn led from one simple idea to ultimately becoming this podcast, and then the entire, your utmost life movement. But none of this was visible to me when I made that first small decision. I couldn't see the entire path. I could only see the next step, and each step I took revealed the one after that. I used to think I had to find myself before I could make changes, but the truth is, every step I took toward the life I wanted helped reveal the woman I was becoming. She was part of me all along, woven into my DNA. Part of her became from the experiences that I had in my youth, part from the lessons I learned over decades of being a mom and a wife, and part from the woman I'm still becoming.

Misty Celli:

You don't get clarity and stillness alone. You find it in motion. Studies in neuropsychology confirm this approach. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that taking action actually changes our brain chemistry, activating neural pathways that cannot be accessed through thought alone. Dr Marge Worrell, a leadership expert, calls this the courage paradox the recognition that courage doesn't come from feeling confident, but rather confidence comes from taking courageous action. In other words, the feelings we're waiting for are actually generated by the very actions we're hesitant to take. A Harvard doctor found that most successful transitions don't start with perfect clarity, but rather with what he calls hunch following making small moves based on what feels intuitively right, then adjusting course based on the feedback those actions generate.

Misty Celli:

What if that nagging feeling was actually a sign urging you to take action and step into the unknown? What if it was an invitation to embrace the journey rather than waiting for the perfect time or complete understanding? Imagine what would happen if, instead of waiting for permission, you gave it to yourself. What if you trusted that the path would unfold, not before you started walking, but because you started walking? But maybe you're asking how? Because you started walking? But maybe you're asking how do I know if I'm unclear or just afraid of making a mistake? This is a great question.

Misty Celli:

Clarity blocks usually feel foggy, like confusion, but fear of mistakes feel sharp and anxious. It often sounds like what if I mess up? What if I disrupt everything? If you look deeper, many times it's not that you don't know, it's that you're afraid to trust what you already sense. So ask yourself am I truly unclear. Or am I afraid of what clarity might require from me? Because sometimes the truth is we're already have a flicker of clarity. We just don't want it. Because it is asking something of us. It asks us to be honest, to admit what's no longer working, to risk disappointing someone, to choose ourselves, even if only in small ways, and that's vulnerable. But that's also where the shift begins.

Misty Celli:

Clarity doesn't come all at once. It arrives in layers, through small, honest steps that begin to reveal what you've already known deep down. So what do you actually do next? Start with one question what's one area of your life that feels out of alignment with who you're becoming? Journal a possibility, describe what it looks like if you shift to that area without pressure to figure it all out. Choose one aligned step, say no, take the walk. Block 30 minutes for silence, one brave move. Aligned action can be subtle. It looks like wearing the outfit that feels like you, saying no without guilt or explanation, sitting quietly with your coffee before the day begins, or taking the scenic route because beauty nourishes you, decluttering a drawer because it feels like a metaphor, or driving in silence and letting your inner voice speak to you. These are not luxuries, they're declarations. They whisper to your nervous system, I matter. Those who finally stopped waiting for perfect clarity often describe the same feeling, not that they suddenly have all the answers, but that they're finally asking the right questions. They speak of a profound sense of groundedness, as though they are reconnecting with a long-lost friend, even as they're still discovering who that truly is.

Misty Celli:

Mary Oliver, the Pulitzer Prize winning American poet, asks in her beloved poem the Summer Day. She says tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? She doesn't say tell me what you've figured out. It's not about certainty, it's about doing the living, the moving forward. There's a special kind of living, a full life that begins when you stop requiring yourself to have it all figured out before you begin. It's the difference between sitting in the car with it in park, waiting for perfect direction, and putting the car in gear, trusting that you will be capable of choosing the turns when you need them, as they appear.

Misty Celli:

You won't find true fulfillment in plotting every move in advance. You find it by showing up, mile by mile, moment by moment, because the richest kind of life isn't mapped out in certainty. It's discovered in motion, the scenic routes you didn't plan to take, the spontaneous pit stops, the moments for a great photo, the laughter over a roadside picnic, the creek you didn't expect to find but pulled over to enjoy anyway. It's those beautiful unplanned moments that life offers us when we finally stop trying to control the journey and start being present for it. So where do you start when you don't know where to start, with awareness, not answers. That's why I created the your Upmost Life Alignment Check-In a quick, powerful tool to help you identify where you are and what your next step might be. This isn't about having a five-year plan. It's about identifying what feels misaligned right now and taking one small step toward greater alignment. You can download it for free at youramoselfcom forward slash alignment check-in.

Misty Celli:

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with one question what's one thing you've been waiting to do until you have it all figured out, and what might happen if you shift it from? Stop waiting for perfect clarity and instead took one small step today? Remember the woman who moved beyond the invisibility of motherhood into lives of meaning and purpose? Aren't the ones who've never felt confused or uncertain? They're the ones who learned to move forward alongside their uncertainty, trusting that clarity would emerge from action, not before it. Before you go, three ways to take your next steps. One, download the utmost life alignment check-in at your utmost selfcom forward slash alignment check-in. Second, leave a review. Your words help this message reach the women who need it most. And third, share this episode in your stories and tag me at your utmost self with your biggest takeaway. Remember, you weren't meant to sit in limbo waiting for perfect clarity. You were meant to rise, one small brave step at a time, until next time. I'm Misty Chili and this is the your Upmost Life Podcast.