Your Utmost Life

The Silent Belief That Keeps Women Isolated and Overwhelmed

• Misty Celli • Episode 15

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Have you ever hidden a self-help book? Closed a browser tab when someone walked by? Downplayed that you’re seeing a therapist or coach?

You’re not alone. That moment of shame isn’t just yours—it’s part of a deeply rooted belief many women carry: If I need help, it means I’m weak or broken. But what if that belief is the very thing keeping you stuck, disconnected, and exhausted?

In this powerful episode of the Your Utmost Life podcast, we explore the hidden cost of this belief—and the path to reclaiming your strength through authentic connection and support.

Inside, you’ll learn:

  • Why capable women feel ashamed of seeking support
  • How the belief that “I should handle it on my own” fuels isolation, performance, and burnout
  • How cultural praise for self-sufficiency created the Identity Eraser Effect—and why it’s time to undo it
  • The 3 mindset shifts that change everything:
    1. Awareness without judgment
    2. Reframing help as a strategic investment
    3. Practicing presence over performance
  • What it looks like to go from Invisible Mama to Utmost Woman—without walking away from the life you’ve built

You’ll also hear a raw personal story about hiding a book on body dysmorphia and the wave of shame that followed—plus practical steps to build what I call your Growth Résumé and begin seeing support as a sacred strength.

You're not a broken vase needing fixing.
 You’re a vessel—designed to both give and receive.
 Strength isn’t silence. Healing doesn’t happen in hiding.

Take one small, brave step today—journal about the belief, share this episode, or finally explore that resource you've felt drawn to but hesitant to pursue.

This is your invitation to step out of isolation, into growth, and begin designing a life with truth, intention, and connection at its center.

📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to know she’s not broken—just buried. Let her know she’s not alone.

🔗 Follow along on Instagram for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself

🎧 Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are.

✨ Continue your journey at Your Utmost Self - free resources, articles, and more.

Speaker 1:

I thought that asking for help wasn't a sign of strength but a huge weakness to be ashamed of. I remember standing in the self-help section of the bookstore. My heart was racing and I had a book on body dysmorphia tucked tightly under my arm. And I was just about to head to the checkout when I noticed someone walking toward me and without even thinking I panicked and I slid the book into a nearby shelf, like I was hiding something shameful. Then I pretended to browse the cookbooks, like that was my real reason for being in the store. Once I got back into my car, I sat there quietly. That familiar wave of shame hit me hard. Why did I do that? Why did I feel like I had to hide the fact that I wanted help, like it was some kind of dirty secret? Perhaps you felt it too. That moment of hesitation before mentioning you're seeing a therapist, the tab you quickly close when someone walks into your office, or the way you vaguely describe that personal development workshop as just a conference for work. These are not just your struggles. They are shared by many. The little white lies we tell to hide the fact that we are seeking help, guidance or support.

Speaker 1:

Motherhood is a gift, but let's be honest, it can also leave you feeling overwhelmed, invisible and disconnected from the woman you once were. If you ever wondered, who am I beyond being a mom, know this you are not alone. Welcome to your Upmost Life. I'm Misty, a mom just like you, who has faced chaos, self-doubt and the loss of identity, hitting rock bottom and emerging stronger, with clarity, confidence and purpose. Each week, we will explore practical tools and transformative truths to help you reclaim your identity, rebuild your confidence and rediscover the joy that lights you up. On this journey. Together, you'll break free from overwhelm, embrace your worth and step fully into the most authentic version of yourself. Through heartfelt conversations and actionable strategies, you will learn how to design a life that excites and fulfills you, a life where you become the woman you were always meant to be, because you're not just a mom. You are so much more, and if you're ready to embrace her, let's get started.

Speaker 1:

Today, I want to talk about a belief that might be living beneath the surface of your life, one that whispers if you need self-help, it means you're broken or weak. This is a belief that we've all encountered at some point. It's a belief that keeps so many brilliant, capable women isolated in their struggles, convinced that needing support somehow diminishes their strength or reveals some fundamental flaw in who they are. This episode isn't about pushing a solution or forcing a mindset shift. It's about an invitation to pause with me and explore this terrain together to shine a gentle light on a belief that might be creating unnecessary shame in your life. I hope that by the end of our time together, you'll feel a sense of relief, clarity and perhaps permission to honor your growth journey without the weight of judgment. I'll also share some strategies that have helped me and others challenge this belief and embrace the support we need. Let me paint a picture of what this belief might look like in your daily life.

Speaker 1:

You are the woman who has it all together, at least that's what everyone thinks. You manage your home, career, children or aging parents. You show up, things get done and you keep all the plates spinning. But there's this inner world that few people see, a world of doubt, fear and uncertainty that I've navigated through just like you. Maybe you've found yourself sitting in your car in the grocery store parking lot, taking just five extra minutes of solitude before heading home, thinking why can't I just get it together?

Speaker 1:

Like everyone else, you look around at other women who seem to navigate life with such ease, and you wonder what secret manual they received that somehow never made it to your mailbox. You've thought about reaching out, maybe to a therapist, a coach, or even just picking up a book that addresses what you're feeling, but somehow something stops you. That something is often the voice that says I should be able to figure this out on my own. Everyone else does. You might find yourself whispering these thoughts in private moments. Things like get it together, don't be so dramatic. You're too sensitive. Everyone else handles more than you without complaining. You should be past this by now.

Speaker 1:

The weight of these thoughts isn't just emotional. It shows up in your daily life in ways you might not even recognize. In your marriage or relationships, you might avoid vulnerability or ask for support because deep down, you fear being seen as a burden. When parenting challenges arise, you push through instead of seeking resources or community, feeling pressure to model unwavering strength and hiding your stress. In your career, you might be overworking to prove your worth and reluctant to invest in development opportunities because that would mean admitting there's room for growth. Your health, especially your emotional health, often takes a backseat until physical symptoms force your attention.

Speaker 1:

This belief creates a particular kind of isolation. You maintain surface level relationships, careful not to reveal the struggles beneath your competent exterior. You've forgotten what brings you joy, because there's no space for it amidst the proving and performing. If we were to film your daily life, what would we see? Perhaps we'd catch you smiling in public but crying privately in your car, saying I'm fine when feeling numb or exhausted, over-functioning and avoiding rest, tensing when someone offers help, quickly closing self-help books or browser tabs when someone enters the room. We might see you making self-deprecating jokes to beat others to the punch, or scrolling through infancy, looking through social media, comparing your messy reality to others, curated personas. We might notice how you avoid eye contact when conversations turn to personal challenges or change the subject when therapy or personal development is mentioned.

Speaker 1:

I understand this reality because I lived it too that quiet belief that needing help means something is wrong with you. It runs deep and it doesn't just show up out of nowhere. We've been steeped in it through a culture that praises the women, who has it all together, who never complains, who pushes through without meeting anything or anyone. Maybe it came from well-meaning voices in your childhood or your faith community, ones that praised you for being so responsible, so easy, so strong. Over time it started to sound like the more capable I am, the more lovable I am. The less I need, the more worthy I become. No one meant harm, but somewhere along the way silence became strength and asking for help felt like failure.

Speaker 1:

This belief persists because we're comparing our internal struggles to others' external experiences. It thrives in environments where we lack visible role models who openly discuss their growth journeys. And perhaps the most paralyzing is the paradox at its center. We need to acknowledge a problem, to address it, but this belief frames that very acknowledgement as failure. The emotional toll is real Shame, inadequacy, isolation, imposter syndrome, anxiety and a sense of fundamental defectiveness. These aren't small feelings. They're exhausting companions on your journey.

Speaker 1:

Now I want to pause here and acknowledge something important. If you recognize yourself in what I'm describing, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. In fact, it means you're part of a vast, unspoken sisterhood of women navigating the same terrain. You are not alone in this. The fact that you are here listening means there is a part of you reaching toward a different way of being, and that reaching is incredibly brave. You are not defective, you are worthy. So where do we go from here? How do we begin to loosen the grip of a belief that has become so intertwined with our identity and daily experience? I want to offer you three tangible shifts that have been transformative in my own journey.

Speaker 1:

The first step toward transformation is simply bringing awareness to this belief and recognizing you are not alone in it. This isn't about forcing yourself to immediately reject the belief. That approach often creates more resistance. Instead, it's about gently noticing when this belief is operating in your life. The moment you begin to recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, you create space between yourself and the shame that's keeping you isolated. I invite you to try this practice For the next week. Carry a small notebook or use the notes app on your phone.

Speaker 1:

When you notice thoughts like I should be able to handle this alone, or behaviors like hiding your growth resources, simply note it. No judgment, just awareness. You might write felt embarrassed when asked what I was reading self-help improvement book or declined to help with project, even though I'm overwhelmed. This simple practice of noticing creates a tiny bit of space between you and the belief. It helps you see that these thoughts and behaviors aren't random. They're connected to a specific narrative, but they're not random. You've inherited or developed over time and as you collect these observations you begin to recognize patterns. You might notice certain triggers or situations where this belief speaks loudest. It might be around certain people or in specific domains of your life. This awareness doesn't immediately change the belief, but it does something powerful it transforms unconscious patterns into conscious choices.

Speaker 1:

There's another layer to this first shift that we can't ignore, and that is recognizing that you are not the only one. This belief that needing help means something is wrong with you. It feeds off isolation. It convinces you that everyone else is managing just fine, the other women are stronger, more put together, more naturally capable, and that you're the only one quietly unraveling. But here's the truth You're not the outlier, you're just one of the few brave enough to name what's really going on. And the moment that you begin to challenge that lie that everyone else has it together but me, you crack open space for truth to enter. You begin the shift from invisible mama, who hides her needs to keep up appearances, to the utmost woman who honors her humanity and dares to connect, even in the mess, because strength isn't silence and healing doesn't happen in hiding. It happens when you realize you're not alone and you never were.

Speaker 1:

I encourage you to become a gentle observer of the world around you. Notice how many podcasts, books and resources exist for personal growth. These wouldn't exist without millions of people seeking them. Pay attention when someone you respect mentions therapy, coaching or a helpful book. These small observations begin to counter the narrative that strong, capable people don't seek support If it feels safe. Try opening up just a little. You don't have to unload your entire story or share your deepest struggles, but maybe you casually mention a podcast that's been speaking to you or a book that's been helping you rethink a few things.

Speaker 1:

These little moments of truth-telling can feel like oxygen, and often they create space for other women to exhale also. You'll be surprised how many are quietly navigating the same identity cracks, just waiting for someone else to say me too. This is one way we begin to undo the identity eraser effect, those quiet, unnoticed ways we've hiding who we are, what we need in order to appear strong, capable and low maintenance. But hiding isn't strength, it's survival, and you were made for so much more than just surviving. So what if seeking help isn't weakness at all? What if it's a bold act of reclaiming? What if it's the first step in becoming the utmost woman, the version of you who knows her worth, lives with intention and no longer seeks support as something to be ashamed of, but as a wise and powerful investment in her future. Because that's exactly what it is, and she's already in you, just waiting for the space to rise.

Speaker 1:

And here's the real shift. What if asking for help wasn't a sign that you're weak or broken, but a wise, intentional investment into the life that you actually want? In fact, asking for help is a sign of strength. It demonstrates self-awareness, wisdom and courage. What if it's not about fixing yourself, but choosing to care for yourself like someone who matters? Because you do matter, and learning to receive support might just be one of the strongest things you can do.

Speaker 1:

Think about it this way. In what other area of life would we consider it a weakness to learn, grow or seek expertise? If you wanted to advance in your career, you wouldn't hesitate to take a course or find a mentor. Working with a trainer or nutritionist is perfectly reasonable if you want to improve your physical health. Yet somehow, when it comes to our emotional health, relationships or personal development, we've accepted the strange idea that seeking guidance reflects poorly on us. I invite you to try this reframing exercise. List three areas where you currently face challenges or would like to grow and for each area, ask yourself if this were a professional skill or physical ability, what would strategic investment look like Then? Apply the same thinking to your personal growth.

Speaker 1:

Let's say you're navigating anxiety. Instead of thinking, why can't I just get it together? Or I should be able to manage my emotions by now, try shifting the script. I'm learning how to regulate my emotions with the support of someone trained to help me do that. Well, see the difference. It's subtle but powerful. You're not surrendering your strength, you're redirecting it. This is the shift from shame to strategy, from thinking I should be able to do this alone to I am choosing support because I value my growth. It's not about proving your worth. It's about honoring it. It's not that you're asking for help because you're weak. You're seeking it because you're wise, because you're done with the exhausting hustle of holding it all together and ready to build from a stronger foundation. Here's one simple way to embody that shift Create what I call a growth resume.

Speaker 1:

Unlike traditional resumes that list achievements, your growth resume tells the story of who you're becoming. Each entry on your growth resume is evidence that asking for help is a sign of strength. It documents the courage it took to reach out, to be vulnerable, and the growth that has resulted. List the books you've read that open your eyes, the podcasts that helped you feel less alone, the brave conversations where you asked for help, or the moments you paused and chose growth over guilt. It is a reminder that every step, no matter how small, is part of your transformation. You're not behind. You're becoming. And this, this is exactly what a woman living her utmost life does. She doesn't pretend she has it all figured out. She designs her life with truthful, step-by-step intention. This document shows that seeking support has been valuable in your life. It becomes a resource you can return to when that old belief tries to reassert itself.

Speaker 1:

The final shift I want to offer today moves from performing strength to practicing presence. At its core, the belief that needing help means you're broken keeps you in a constant state of performance, trying to maintain an image of capability, while hiding an evidence to the contrary. When we truly understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, we can stop performing capability and start practicing authentic presence. This performance is exhausting. It disconnects you from yourself and from others. It prevents the very connection and support that helps you thrive.

Speaker 1:

The alternative is practicing presence, being honest about where you are, what you need and what you're experiencing. This doesn't mean oversharing or drama dumping on everyone that you meet. It means developing a healthy relationship with your humanity and allowing yourself to be seen appropriately, authentically by others. Here is a simple practice to begin this shift Set a timer for three minutes each morning. During that time, check in with yourself without judgment. Ask how am I really doing today? What do I need? Write down your answers with compassion as if you were writing to a dear friend. This practice builds your capacity to be present with yourself first, which is essential before you can authentically share yourself with others. It helps you develop a vocabulary for your experiences and needs, something many of us weren't taught growing up.

Speaker 1:

From this place of self-awareness and presence, you can start to experiment with small, honest moments of sharing. It doesn't have to be a big emotional reveal. Sometimes it's just choosing not to say I'm fine when you're clearly not. Maybe it's telling your spouse today was hard and I just need a moment to breathe, or admitting to a close friend Parenting has been really heavy lately. Can I run something by you, these small, brave acts of honesty. They create cracks in the isolation and let connection flow in. You don't need to have the perfect words or polished story. You just need a moment of truth. That's how we start reclaiming the parts of ourselves we've tucked away to keep the peace or play the part.

Speaker 1:

Let me give you an image to hold on to, especially in the moments when those old beliefs whisper. You should be able to do this on your own. You're not a broken vase that needs fixing. You're a vessel created on purpose for purpose, designed not just to give endlessly but to receive deeply. You were never meant to run on empty.

Speaker 1:

The utmost woman doesn't become who she is by pushing through alone. She becomes her by learning how to receive support, truth, grace, wisdom. She lets herself be poured into so she can pour out from a place of strength and alignment, not depletion. So the next time you feel yourself slipping into old patterns, the over-functioning, the guilt, the silence, I want you to pause and I want you to picture this you standing tall and open, allowing yourself to receive, not because you're failing, but because you are becoming. This is what the shift from invisible mama to utmost woman looks like in real life. It's not loud, it's not perfect, but it's real and it is powerful.

Speaker 1:

As we begin to wrap up our time together, I am offering some gentle permission for what's possible when we release this belief that seeking help means we're broken or weak. Imagine for a moment what your life might look like if seeking support felt as natural as breathing neither shameful nor remarkable just part of being human. Picture the emotional safety you might feel, no longer hiding behind parts of yourself or your journey. Consider the deeper connections that might form when you allow yourself to be authentically seen. This shift isn't about becoming someone new. It's about returning to who you've always been, beneath the layers of performance and protection. It's about reclaiming the wisdom that has always lived within you the knowing that interdependence isn't weakness, it's the most natural state of being. When this belief begins to loosen its grip, many women discover a surprising paradox they actually become more resilient, not less, by allowing themselves to receive support. Their internal resources expand. They develop a toolkit of personalized strategies for life's challenges. They experience more energy because they're no longer exhausting themselves with the work of hiding and proving In relationships. This shift creates space for deeper intimacy and honesty In parenting. It allows you to model healthy vulnerability and emotional intelligence for your children, perhaps breaking intergenerational patterns. It might mean being willing to delegate, seek coaching or release over identification with achievement in your career.

Speaker 1:

Your health, both physical and emotional, often improves as you address needs earlier, rather than waiting for a crisis. Your sense of spiritual connection may deepen as you release the need to appear perfect and embrace your full humanity. I want to invite you into a moment of stillness, envisioning. Take a deep breath with me Now. To invite you into a moment of stillness, envisioning. Take a deep breath with me Now.

Speaker 1:

Imagine yourself six months from now having taken small, consistent steps toward embracing support as strength. What feels different in your body? What new possibilities are open to you? What relationships have deepened? Let yourself fully inhabit this vision for a moment. This future isn't a fantasy. It's available to you through small, courageous choices made day by day. Each time you notice the old belief and choose a different response, you create neural pathways toward this new reality. Each time you allow yourself to receive support, you're practicing a new way of being in the world. Remember, this journey isn't about fixing something broken in you. It's about returning to a more natural, connected way of being human, one that cultures of individualism and perfectionism have taught us to forget.

Speaker 1:

As we close our time together, I want to leave you with this thought Perhaps the most significant strength isn't found in isolated self-sufficiency, but in the courage to be seen, to reach out and to receive.

Speaker 1:

Asking for help is a sign of strength, perhaps the most profound strength there is. It's not about having all the answers yourself, but about knowing how to gather the wisdom and support you need for each season of your journey. If today's conversation has stirred something in you, I invite you to take one small step. It might be journaling about where this belief came from in your life. It might be sharing this episode with someone who would benefit from this conversation, or it might be allowing yourself to explore a resource you've been drawn to, but hesitate to pursue. Whatever that step is, know that you are not walking it alone. There's a community of women right alongside you, learning to embrace support, not as a sign of weakness, but as an act of profound self-honor. So until next time, please move through your week with gentleness toward yourself and more openness to the support that surrounds you. You are worthy of growth, worthy of healing and worthy of help, not because you're broken, but because you're brilliantly beautiful human.