Your Utmost Life

Rediscovering Yourself: Beyond Being Everyone's Everything

• Misty Celli • Episode 20

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Standing in your kitchen at 6 AM, coffee in hand, staring out the window while everyone else sleeps—and that familiar thought creeps in: "Who am I when no one needs me?"

If you've ever googled "why do I feel empty when I should be grateful" at 2 AM, or caught yourself looking at old photos wondering where that woman with dreams went, this episode is for you.

You love your family deeply, but somewhere along the way, you started feeling like you disappeared. Maybe you've been telling yourself this means you failed, or that the "you" you once were is gone for good.

Here's what I want you to consider: You're not lost—you're buried. And there's a huge difference.

In this episode, we're challenging the belief that feeling confused about your identity means something is wrong with you. Because what if that confusion isn't a warning light that you're broken, but an indicator light pointing you back toward something that matters—you?

I'll share:

  • Why the feeling of being "lost" is actually a feature, not a bug
  • The difference between being lost and being buried (and why it changes everything)
  • Four simple shifts to help you move from confusion to understanding
  • What becomes possible when you stop seeing yourself as everyone else's person and start reconnecting with who you are

This isn't about burning down your life or following Eat, Pray, Love to Italy. It's about understanding what's really happening to you right now, so you can reconnect with the woman who's been patiently waiting underneath all the roles you play.

Ready to understand what's really happening in your life? Grab the Reality Check-In at www.yourutmostself.com/checkin and start pinpointing what's actually misaligned—not where you should be, but where you ARE.

You are not broken. You are not lost. You are becoming fully you. And the world needs the woman you're discovering more than it needs the woman you think you should be.

📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.

🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself

🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.

✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.

Speaker 1:

If you're listening to this, I want you to know you are not alone. You deeply love your family, but lately you've caught yourself staring in the mirror wondering when did I start looking so exhausted all the time? You can't remember the last time someone asked you what do you want and you had an immediate answer that wasn't about everyone else's needs. First, you're craving that moment of being seen and valued for you. Maybe in the quiet of night you're Googling things like why do I feel empty when I should be grateful, hoping that no one will ever check your search history. Or maybe you thought I don't even know who I am anymore. I love my kids, but I feel like I've lost myself. My dreams. They're nowhere to be found. Somewhere along the way. You begin to feel lost, unsure of who you truly are anymore, and maybe you've begun to believe that these feelings mean that you're failing or that you, the you you once knew, is gone forever.

Speaker 1:

Listen, I see you. You have spent years pouring yourself out for everyone your family, your spouse, your kids because that's what good moms do. Of course, it feels like you faded. You've been so busy being needed that your own space to simply be has disappeared. You've been told that good mothers must sacrifice everything. Meanwhile, you watch other women who seem to have it all figured out, while you feel like you're wandering in the dark, searching for your way. Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman staring back at you, the woman who once dreamed big, burned with passion and who had a purpose beyond meeting everyone else's needs? As a mom, do you feel stretched thin, pulled in a thousand directions, slowly losing sight of who you truly are? You know exactly what I'm talking about if you've said I'm fine three or four times before 10 am, when inside you're anything but fine. You introduce yourself as who you belong to instead of your own name. You respond to every text instantly, but can't remember the last time you took five minutes just for yourself. That deep longing to feel confident again, connected, truly seen and worthy it's not just in your head, it's real and you are absolutely not alone. Hi, I'm Misty Chelle and I created your Utmost Life just for you, the woman who's ready to be seen, connected and vibrantly alive. Every week, we dive into real, honest conversations using the exact tools that transformed my life from invisible to included. I'll personally guide you to reconnect with your true self, build rock-solid confidence and reignite that joy that fuels your soul. Beyond being just an amazing mom and wife, you're not just everything to everyone. You are a unique, powerful woman with dreams that matter, goals that count and a voice that deserves to be heard. Imagine waking up every single day feeling centered, confident and truly part of the life that you're joyfully building. If you're ready to claim your space fully, include yourself in your own story and step boldly into your utmost self, then let's begin this incredible journey together.

Speaker 1:

So there you are, standing in the kitchen at 6 am, coffee in hand, staring out the window Up again, because for years, this was your time to put together lunches. The house is quiet, no one needs you, no one is asking for anything, and in that stillness, a thought sneaks in, tightening your chest who am I when no one needs me? Maybe you have found yourself scrolling through old photos on your phone, staring at the woman you used to be, the one with dreams, plans and a clear sense of direction. She was the woman who knew what she wanted and chased it fiercely. And you wonder where did she go? When did I stop being me and start being everyone else's person, if you have ever caught yourself thinking I don't know who I am anymore. You're far from alone. I found a research article that shows that, while only 10 to 20% of people experience a clinically defined midlife crisis, nearly everyone faces a prolonged period of unease and questioning about the life between the age of 40 and 60, no matter who they are. You love your kids, your family, your life, but somewhere along the way you felt like you vanished and maybe, deep down, you began to believe that feeling lost means you failed, or that the woman you once were is gone forever.

Speaker 1:

But here's what I want to challenge today the idea that feeling confused about your identity means there's something wrong with you. Because what if I told you that you're not lost at all? What if I told you this confusion isn't a sign of failure, but proof that you are ready to discover what's truly going on inside you? Let's start with a hard truth the feeling of being lost that you're experiencing. It's not a bug in your system, it's a feature. Let me explain what I mean.

Speaker 1:

For years, you've been operating under the cultural programming that good mothers sacrifice everything for their families. You've been told that selflessness is the highest virtue and that wanting more than an organized calendar, a clean house, a happy, healthy family makes you ungrateful. But here's where that belief starts to crumble. Starts to crumble. If feeling lost about your identity meant something was wrong with you, then every woman navigating major life transitions would be fundamentally flawed. So are we really saying that motherhood, marriage and personal growth inevitably damage women? Think about every woman you admire who seems whole, authentic and alive. These women didn't avoid the confusion. They moved through it. They didn't have it all figured out from the beginning. They grew in to their brilliance. Here's what I want you to consider Isn't it more important to understand what you're experiencing than to judge yourself for experiencing it? And isn't raising children who see their mother as a whole person more valuable than raising children who see their mother only as a caretaker?

Speaker 1:

When do you feel most lost? Is it in the quiet moments alone with your thoughts, or when you're constantly serving others? Because feeling unclear and overwhelmed is very different from feeling truly disconnected from yourself. I want to propose a radical reframe. You're not lost, you're buried, and there is a huge difference. Let's explore what this distinction matters. So lost means that you don't know where you are. Buried means that you know exactly where you are, but you need to dig yourself out. It's like being in a dark room. You're not lost, you just can't see yet. But the room hasn't changed. You just need to flip on the light. Would you expect a caterpillar in its cocoon to know it's going to become a butterfly? The caterpillar doesn't feel lost during metamorphosis. It is in the process of becoming the confusion, the not knowing, the feeling like everything is changing. That's not evidence of being lost. That's evidence of transformation. What if your confusion isn't a flashing warning light like something is wrong, but a flashing indicator light to try to direct you back towards something that matters you? Let me share something personal with you, as a mom who's been exactly where you are.

Speaker 1:

Several years ago, I found myself sitting in my own version of this story. I was successful by every external measure. I had a good marriage, I had healthy children and I had a great career. But I kept catching myself staring in the mirror wondering when did I start looking so tired all the time? I couldn't remember the last time that I had an answer to the question what do you want? That my mind didn't automatically answer with what I thought would make everyone else happy. One evening, my husband made this offhand comment about missing the woman he married and something in me just broke. Not because he was being cruel he wasn't but because I realized I missed her too. That night I cried myself to sleep, not the stress crying of overwhelm, but that deep, deep soul level crying of grief. I was grieving a woman I thought I had lost, but here's what I discovered she wasn't lost. She was buried buried under years of expectations and shoulds and the belief that growing into my role as a mother and a partner meant that shrinking in my role as an individual woman.

Speaker 1:

Research has identified the most challenging aspects of midlife as changing family relationships, rebalancing work and personal life, and rediscovering oneself. What I experienced wasn't unique. It was a part of a documented pattern that researchers have been studying for decades. The researchers have found that midlife is often a time of reflection and reassessment, but this is not always accompanied by the psychological upheaval popularly associated with a midlife crisis. The confusion wasn't a sign of going backwards. It was a sign of getting ready to understand what was really happening.

Speaker 1:

Here's what's really happening when you feel like you don't know who you are anymore. You've been operating from such a narrow definition of yourself for so long that when life creates space for you to be more, it feels foreign. You've been told that identity is fixed and that you should know who you are by now. But identity isn't a destination. It's a continuous process of understanding who you are in a whole life, and right now you're in the sacred space between who you've been and who you're discovering yourself to be. The women who feel most lost are often the ones who are most ready to understand what's really happening, not by someone else, but by themselves. So how do you move from buried to understanding? How do you stop believing that confusion means failure and start seeing it as information?

Speaker 1:

Let me share with you four specific shifts that can make a difference. First, let's change your language, because language literally rewires your brain. So the next time you catch yourself thinking I don't know who I am, I want you to try something, one tiny word added to the end of the sentence I don't know who I am yet. Do you feel that that shift? Lost implies you've made a mistake, yet means you're gathering information. The one word creates space for understanding instead of shame. Second, I want you to go on a treasure hunt for yourself.

Speaker 1:

So tomorrow, grab a notebook and write down every role you currently play Mother, partner, employee, daughter, friend, all of them. Then, beside each role, I want you to write one thing about yourself that existed before that role ever did so. Maybe next to mother, you write I love to write poetry. Next to partner, you might write I'm naturally curious about architectural design. Next to employee, maybe it's I have strong organizational skills that make me feel capable and confident. Here's what I want you to understand. These aren't things you've lost. They're things that have been buried under the weight of responsibility, but they're still there. They're waiting for you to remember them.

Speaker 1:

The third thing is start practicing what I call micro-rediscovery. You don't need to quit your job or follow eat, pray, love to Italy to reconnect with yourself. Start with five minutes a day, just five, doing something that feels like you, not you as a mother, not you as a partner or employee, but you as an individual human being. Here's exactly what this looks like. Tomorrow morning, before anyone else wakes up, spend exactly five minutes doing something that existed before you became everyone else's everything. Maybe it's putting on headphones and listening to music that makes your soul come alive. Maybe it's writing three pages of whatever comes to mind. Maybe it's dancing in your kitchen or stepping outside to feel the sun on your face. The goal isn't to find yourself all at once. It's simply a reminder that you exist independently of your roles.

Speaker 1:

And finally, I want you to completely redefine your relationship with confusion. So, instead of seeing confusion as evidence that something is wrong with you, I want you to start seeing it as evidence that you are gathering information. When you feel unclear or uncertain, get curious, ask yourself what is this confusion trying to show me what wants to be understood? Because here's the truth. Confusion isn't comfortable, but it's not dangerous. It's actually the space where new understanding lives. It's the cocoon before the butterfly.

Speaker 1:

Now let's talk about what becomes possible when you shift the belief. When you stop seeing confusion as failure and start seeing it as information about who you're becoming. Everything changes when you model wholeness instead of sacrifice. Your children learn that they don't have to disappear into their roles to be valuable. They learn that being human means being complex, multifaceted and continuously growing. When you show up as a complete person in your relationships, your connections deepen. Your partner doesn't fall in love with your perfect performance. They fall in love with your authentic humanity. When you honor your own process of understanding yourself, you give permission to every woman in your life to do the same, you become part of the solution to a cultural problem that has been crushing women for generations.

Speaker 1:

But what happens if you don't make this shift? What if you keep believing that feeling confused means you're broken? Research from the Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women's Mental Health found that by the time women reach midlife, approximately 23% have experienced at least one episode of major depression and 30% have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even more concerning is that women with a history of both depression and anxiety disorders were twice as likely to report lower level of quality of life during midlife compared to women with neither disorder. The data shows that women who suppress their individual identity in a service of family roles are more vulnerable to these mental health challenges as they age, and their children often struggle with their own identity formation because they never saw their mother as an individual separate from her roles.

Speaker 1:

But here's what I really want you to understand this isn't just about you feeling better. This is about changing the narrative for generations of women who come after us. As a mom who believes that we need to model wholeness, not just sacrifice, I want you to know when you choose to see confusion as information instead of failure, you're not just healing your own relationship with yourself. You're healing the cultural wound that tells women that they must choose between being good mothers and being whole humans. You're proving that it's possible to love your family deeply and have a rich, complex inner life. You're demonstrating that service to others doesn't require self-abandonment. So let me leave you with this the woman you're looking for isn't lost. She's not gone. She's not broken. She's been patiently waiting for you to remember that she was never supposed to fit into the small boxes that others created for her.

Speaker 1:

Your confusion isn't evidence of failure. It's evidence of readiness. You're ready to stop judging yourself for feeling disconnected and start understanding what's really happening to you. You're ready to understand that your identity isn't something you find once and keep forever. It's something you discover and rediscover as you grow, change and become more of who you've always been, underneath the rules.

Speaker 1:

If any of what I shared today has resonated with you, if you're thinking she gets what I'm going through, I have something that might help you identify what's actually happening in your life right now. It's called the reality check-in and it's designed to help you pinpoint what's misaligned in your current life and identity, not where you should be, but where you are, because once you understand what's really happening, everything starts to make sense. It's not about fixing yourself or transforming your life. It's about understanding your life so you can reconnect with who you are underneath all the roles you play your life. So you can reconnect with who you are underneath all the roles you play.

Speaker 1:

You can grab it at wwwyourutmostselfcom. Forward slash, check in no hyphen or click the link in the show notes. For today. I want you to remember this you are not lost, you are not broken. You are gathering information about who you are becoming, and the world needs the woman that you're discovering more than it needs the woman you think you should be. The confusion you feel it's not a problem to solve. It's information, to understand about your whole authentic life, because you are more than everyone's, everything. You are someone.