Your Utmost Life

Major Mom Mistake #4: No Purpose Beyond

• Misty Celli • Episode 26

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Are you managing 6+ hours of family logistics daily but spending less than an hour on your own interests? Do you look in the mirror and barely recognize the woman staring back? In this episode, we tackle the dangerous belief that mothers have no purpose beyond their roles as mom and wife - and why this lie is actually destroying the very families we're trying to protect.


Discover

  • Why the belief "I have no purpose beyond motherhood" is detrimental to your entire family
  • The research showing that fulfilled mothers raise more successful children
  • How to recognize if you're living what Misty calls a "half-life"
  • The difference between foundational purpose and role-based identity
  • Practical steps to rediscover yourself without guilt or upheaval

Link Mentioned

Reclaiming Yourself Beyond Motherhood - Priority Notice

 The Two Dangerous Beliefs Explored:

  1. Women who want to rediscover themselves are unhappy with motherhood
  2. Outside of my roles as mom and wife, I have no purpose or value

 Research That Will Surprise You:

  • Ohio State University study: 10% increase in maternal happiness = $50,000 boost to child development
  • 2025 Women's Well-being Survey: Mothers pursuing personal growth are 2X more likely to be happy
  • Children of growth-focused mothers take healthier risks and pursue goals with confidence

 The "Half-Life" vs "Whole Life" Framework:

  • Signs you're living a half-life as a mother
  • How role-focused identity sets you up for crisis when needs change
  • The barn, manure, and coal analogy that will shift your perspective


Powerful Quotes

"You're not broken, you're buried. The woman who dreamed big didn't disappear when you became a mother - she's been waiting patiently for her season."

"When you believe that wanting more makes you a bad mother, your children learn that love means sacrifice instead of abundance."

"Your spouse didn't fall in love with a manager or caretaker. They fell in love with a fascinating, complex, passionate woman who had dreams and opinions and interests."


Success Stories Referenced

  • Sara Blakely: Built Spanx into a billion-dollar company while raising four children
  • Julia Hartz: Co-founded Eventbrite, credits marriage success to mutual dream support
  • Tory Burch: "As a working mother, I know that women can be both professionally ambitious and deeply committed to their family"

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Misty:

You're managing over six hours of family logistics daily and are spending less than an hour on your own interests. You've planned everyone else's life down to the minute, but haven't thought about your own next chapter, who you'll be, who you want to be. You look in the mirror after your morning routine and think, I don't recognize that woman more days than not. Welcome to the fourth episode in this brand new series focused on reclaiming who you are beyond just being a mom and a wife. If you're feeling invisible, unseen, undervalued, and disconnected, not just from those you love but from yourself, if you're doing everything for everyone, but feel like no one truly sees you. If you feel detached from the woman you are beyond a mom and a wife, and perhaps like me, you've broken down into tears while showering, then this series is made for you. Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and barely recognize the woman staring back? That woman who once dreamed big, burned with passion, had a purpose beyond meeting everyone else's needs, you wonder where she went. Hi, I'm Mr. Celli, and this is your utmost life, the podcast for moms who feel guilty for wanting more or can't remember the last time they truly felt like themselves. If you were tired of feeling invisible, overwhelmed, and stretched too thin, then you've come to the right place. Here we explore how to reclaim your identity beyond mom and wife. The more times you need to come guilt, and limit your life to the utmost. Here's the truth: you are not just everything to everyone. You are a unique, powerful woman with dreams that matter, rules that count, and a voice that deserves to be heard. It's time to move from surviving to thriving without guilt, overwhelm, or upheaval. So stick around. We're just getting started. Hello and welcome to another episode of Europe Most Life Podcast. Today we're diving into episode four of my new series called The Six Major Mom Mistakes and How to Fix Them. These are the most common mistakes I've seen moms make, and honestly, mistakes that I made for myself for years. These are habits that leave us feeling invisible, undervalued, stressed out, worn down, and disconnected, not just from those that we love, but from ourselves. They cause us to move through life on autopilot and feel worn out, used up, and quite frankly, longing for something more, but not exactly sure what more really means. When talking to moms and other women and really listening to what they were saying, I realized that there were several things that were stated that I completely understood because I too had experienced them. The struggles they were having, the feelings they couldn't shake, and the responses they were getting from their family, they were all things that I too had gone through. I narrowed it down to these six mistakes that kept reoccurring again and again and really are those that seem to be the most detrimental to the life that we're building, the family that we love and the woman that we long to be. Today we're diving into no purpose beyond. We're tackling the belief that we have no purpose beyond our role as a mom and a wife, and that the value that we have is only found in ensuring our family is well taken care of. This is our top priority in life. Now, before you turn me off, let me assure you, I too believe that family is a huge priority in our lives, as it should be. However, it shouldn't be considered our only priority. We can have a multitude of purposes and priorities and still be an amazing mom and wife. In fact, there is a better way, one that will make us a better mom and wife, allowing us to keep the superwoman title that we are so proud of having while ensuring we have deeper connection to those we love, more confidence, more purpose, more joy, more of who we long to be, what we secretly desire but feel guilty for wanting. Here's what I know about you. You love your family, you feel grateful, and you just want to be your absolute best and give them everything. But perhaps you found yourself sipping your morning coffee, scrolling through Instagram, and you see that woman talking about her great new side hustle and how much fun she's having. She looks great. She's your age, but somehow looks at least five years younger than you. You click her profile and continue to go down the rabbit hole of her recent vacation, her daughter's acceptance into that fabulous college program, and her awesome workout routine that has helped her lose 10 pounds. And this thought crosses your mind. She's clearly not grateful for what she has, otherwise she wouldn't be trying so hard to find the joy in her new hobbies and clothes and weight loss. She clearly doesn't find fulfillment in being a mother like I do. That twitch in your stomach hits. Probably just hunger, right? It can't be the truth. I wish I had what she does, and how I wish I could pull off that outfit, lose 10 pounds, and look as good as she does. Listen, I get it completely. There is no judgment. I was there, sitting on the couch, scrolling through social media and picking apart those that I thought were clearly not satisfied with their life, needing approval from others. What a better mom and wife I was. Look in my day focused on my entire family, and I'm putting them above everything else because I love them more, right? I was the woman who looked at mothers wanting more and thought that they were selfish or ungrateful. I was convinced that if you were a good mom, a loving wife, that should be enough. That seeking anything beyond those roles meant that you were broken somehow, unable to find joy in the beautiful life you've been blessed with. I had perfected the art of being everything to everyone. My husband called me his rock. My kids knew mom would handle whatever crisis emerged, and I was the family's CEO, managing everyone else's schedules, emotions, and needs with precision that would make any Fortune 500 company jealous. But here's what I realized during one of those quiet moments when I wasn't judging those women, and I was completely honest with myself. I was terrified. Terrified that wanting more meant that I was selfish, ungrateful, and failing at the roles that I had defined for myself for decades. Terrified that the dreams I'd quietly buried meant I was broken, ungrateful, or worse, that I'd somehow missed the memo about what fulfillment was supposed to look like. Because here's the thing that nobody talks about. When your primary job for more than 16 years starts to shift, when your kids need you less, when your marriages become more about function than connection, you start to wonder who am I when I'm not actively mothering? What's my purpose when everyone can basically take care of themselves? And if you've ever felt that hollow ache when you see another woman pursuing her dreams, if you've ever wondered if there's more to you than these roles you've poured yourself into. If you've ever looked in the mirror and thought, I don't recognize that woman. You're not alone. And more importantly, you're not broken. You're just buried. Today I might completely flip everything you've been told about what it means to be a fulfilled woman and an exceptional mother. The belief that women who want to rediscover themselves are unhappy with motherhood isn't just wrong. It's a lie. A lie that keeps exceptional mothers living what I call half lives. And here's what I mean by that. When you believe that wanting more means that you're ungrateful, you rob yourself of the full, vibrant life that would actually make you a better mother, not a worse one. And I completely understand why this belief feels true. We've been conditioned to think that good mothers find complete fulfillment in their family's success. We're told that if we want personal growth, creative expression, or professional achievement, we're somehow failing at the most important job that we will ever have. Taking time to pursue any of those things feels selfish. There's so much for us to do. So many things our family needs. I believed this so deeply that even when I finally passed the real estate license exam, after literally wanting that for my entire adult life, but pausing on it when I became pregnant, I felt a wave of guilt and uncertainty. Had I done the wrong thing? Would my family suffer? Would they feel as though they weren't enough? But what I realized during that time of studying was remarkable. My family experienced my joy, my passion. They supported me fully, and they were proud of me. My conversations with them were full of new things, excitement, not just logistics and reminders of what they needed to do. They included my dreams, my passions, my desires. My joy was infectious and they loved it. They loved who I was becoming. The voice that I was hearing that they would not feel as loved, that was a lie. The message is everywhere. Social media posts about grateful mothers who never wanted anything beyond their families, articles about helicopter parents who are so focused on their children that they lost themselves. But then criticism of mothers who pursue their own interests. We just can't win. But here's what the research actually is telling us. Ohio State University conducted a comprehensive study and found that a 10% increase in maternal life satisfaction increases children's social and self-regulation skills by the equivalent of $50,000 annual household income increase. But let me say that again. Happier mothers literally create more successful children. There was a women's well-being survey in 2025 of 3,000 women. And what they found was that married mothers who pursue personal growth and identity development are twice as likely to report being very happy compared to those who don't. But here's where it gets really interesting. Let me ask you something. Do you see Sarah Blakely, who built Spandex into a billion-dollar company while raising four children? Is she a bad mom? Do you see Julia Hartz, who co-founded Eventbrite and credits her marriage's success to both partners supporting each other's dreams? Is she neglecting her family? What about the research showing that children of mothers who model pursuing dreams and personal growth are more likely to take healthy risks, pursue their own goals with confidence, and have better emotional regulation? Are we really saying these mothers are doing it wrong? Here's the truth that really is talked about. The mothers who only focus on their children, who make their entire identity about their roles, are actually doing their families a disservice. They're teaching their daughters that women disappear when they become mothers. They're showing their sons that women exist only to serve others. They're modeling for everyone that personal growth stops when you have a family. And here's the really hard truth. They're usually the mothers who adult children feel smothered, whose marriages lack intimacy and excitement, and who become bitter when their kids build independent lives. They're living half-lives. Because when you believe that wanting more makes you a bad mother, here's what actually happens. Your children learn that love means sacrifice instead of abundance. Your marriage becomes about duty instead of partnership. You wake up at 50 with grown children who see you as a function, not a person. And you have a spouse who's forgotten why they fell in love with you in the first place. When you live what I call a half-life, going through all the motions of full existence, but never actually experiencing the vibrancy, the growth, and the joy that you were created for, that's heartbreaking. So what do the thriving mothers do differently? They understand something most people miss entirely. Becoming your utmost self isn't selfish. It's the most generous thing you can do for your family and for truthfully yourself and the world. Because here's what I discovered: you're not broken. You're buried. The women who dream big, who had passions and interests and goals, she didn't disappear when you became a mother. She's been waiting patiently for her season to emerge again. Let me share something with you that I rarely talk about. Several years ago, I was the poster child for the Grateful Mother. My kids were shifting into independence. My marriage was functional. We managed the household like business partners. I was proud of how well I'd done my job as a mother. Both kids were thriving, making good choices, pursuing their goals with confidence. My husband was moving up the corporate ladder. But what I was doing is I was dying inside. I would lie awake at night crying, praying that my husband wouldn't wake up. I would lie there thinking, now what? I'd spent half my life taking care of everyone, being indispensable, and suddenly everyone could basically take care of themselves. I found myself creating problems to solve just so I could feel needed. I was managing my 19-year-old's college schedule like she was still in elementary school. And the worst part, when I was really honest with myself, I was resentful of the hard work I put in. I felt like I was unseen by the very people that I loved most. Not because they were doing anything wrong, but because I had made them my entire purpose. And now that purpose that I had wasn't just evolving, it was dying. I hadn't failed at motherhood. I had succeeded so well that my children didn't need me the same way anymore. But instead of celebrating that success and transitioning into the next season of my life, I was trying to hold on to a role that was naturally shifting. The real wake-up call came when my daughter said to me, Mom, I love you, but I've got this. You've done a great job. She wasn't being mean, she was being honest. I so desperately wanted her to still need me the same way she had her entire life. But if I had done a great job, wasn't it now my job to let her fly? To be there when she felt she needed me, not because I needed her to let me be needed. Here's the truth: both can't exist together. Either I had been a great mom and had guided, loved, taught, and given her a solid foundation to function as the beautiful adult I tried to raise her to be, or I had failed and still needed to be her parent, teaching, training, guiding, and keeping her between the lines. I designed for her life to live in a path as to becoming a thriving adult. Did I succeed or didn't I? If the answer is no, I wasn't successful, would I have any right to continue in that role? If an employee of a company wasn't successful after 18 plus years, would they still be in that role at the company? Heck no. They would have been let go a long time ago. Was I good at my role, my position as her parent? I believed I was. She told me I had been. The proof was in her choices, her life she was carving out, and her coming to me when she needed wisdom, but also in her taking charge when she was ready. She was becoming an amazing woman and a fabulous human being. That's what led me here talking to you today. She covered that you're not broken, you're buried under years of believing that your worth comes from your function rather than your inherent value as a human being. The second belief that's keeping you living a half-life, and it's connected to the first, is this idea that outside of your roles as a mother and a wife, you have no purpose or value. This isn't just false. It's insulting to the incredible woman you've become and the masterpiece that you were created to be from the very beginning. I get why you think this. For almost 20 years, you've been laser focused on these roles. You've become an expert. And research shows that after 10,000 hours, you become a true expert at anything. You are an expert at mothering, at managing a household, at keeping everyone's world spinning smoothly. But somewhere along the way, you started to believe that those functions defined your entire work, that your value was tied to how needed you were, how well you managed everyone else's life, and how successful you kept it all the plates spinning. But here's what nobody's telling you. When you make your entire identity about what you do for others, you set yourself up for an identity crisis the moment that those needs change. And they will change. Your children will grow, your spouse will develop independence. The natural cycle of life happens. But here's what I need you to understand. And this might sound harsh, but please stick with me. A barn is built to house animals, equipment, and hay. That's its function. But when a barn is no longer needed for those original functions, what happens? It becomes highly sought after. Those weathered beams become the centerpiece of someone's dream home. That old structure becomes more valuable than it ever because. People recognize the beauty, the character, and the strength that was built over time. Are you really telling me that you are less adaptable, less valuable than a barn? Let's look at manure. It serves one primary function, waste. But what does it become when its original purpose is complete? The fertilizer that creates the most gorgeous gardens, the foundation for new growth and beauty and coal? It starts as ordinary rock, but under pressure and time, what does it become? It becomes diamonds, literally the most treasured substance on earth. Are you seriously going to tell me that you are less transformative than manure and coal? I sure as heck hope not. Here's what's actually happening during your 20 years of intensive mothering. You didn't lose skills, you gained them. You didn't become less, you became more. You developed project management skills that would make any corporate executive jealous. You learned crisis management, conflict resolution, budget management, time optimization, emotional intelligence, strategic planning, and leadership skills that most people pay thousands of dollars to learn in an MBA program. You became a cook, a housekeeper, a bookkeeper, a secretary, a nurse, a teacher, a counselor, an event coordinator, a chauffeur, a therapist, a life coach, and a CEO of a complex organization. And you did it all simultaneously while maintaining relationships and keeping everyone, not just alive, but thriving. But here's where most people get confused about purpose. And this is crucial. Purpose isn't just your roles. Purpose isn't even what you do for work. Real purpose, foundational purpose is much bigger than the world usually talks about. Most people think purpose is finding that one thing you're supposed to do for the rest of your life. But that's not how purpose actually works. Purpose grows, purpose changes. Purpose evolves as you evolve. The purpose you had in your 20s was different from your purpose in your 30s and 40s. And the purpose that you're moving into now will be different too. You have a foundational purpose, the core of who you are, the unique way you show up in the world, the specific gifts and perspectives that only you bring, that never changes. But how you express that purpose, that's what evolved. Let me ask you something. When you look at your son, your daughter, what would you say their purpose is? When you were born, what do you think your parents said about your purpose? Did they say her purpose is to be a great parent and a superior spouse? What happens when your children do become those things? Will that be their only purpose? Of course not. So it makes sense that when you were born, your parents looked at you and saw purpose far beyond just the role of mom and wife. Were you wrong in your assessment of your children's limitless potential? Then why do you think that your parents were wrong about yours? Why do you think that your purpose is only tied to your roles? When you believe you only have value in these roles, here's what's happening. You live what I call a half-life. You go through the motions, but you're not fully alive. Your relationships become transactional instead of transformational. Your marriage loses its spark because you've forgotten how to be anything other than a manager. Your children see you as a function instead of a fascinating, complex human being that they want to learn from and spend time with. But when you understand that you are not broken, you're buried, when you realize that all those skills and all that growth and all that wisdom that you have gained can be applied in new ways, everything changes. Your purpose doesn't end when your active mothering changes, it expands. So if you're sitting there thinking, okay, Misty, this makes sense, but I genuinely don't know who I am beyond these roles anymore, here's exactly what to do to move from a half-life to a whole life. First, you need to recognize that you're not losing your identity. You will always be mom. However, you're gaining new expressions of it. Your role as mother has specific functions during that intensive years as a protector, a teacher, a guide, a daily manager. But if you did your job well, and I'm betting you did, your role naturally evolves to a mentor, a supporter, a friend, a wisdom seeker. This isn't loss. This is success. You were supposed to work yourself out of the daily management job. The goal was always to raise independent, capable human beings who could fly on their own. If they still needed you to manage their lives at 18, 20, 22, that's actually a problem, not a success. And I think that you have succeeded. So congratulate yourself. You succeeded at one of the hardest jobs in the world. Now it's time for the next expression of your purpose. So, second, I want you to understand that you're not starting over. You're not broken, you're buried. Some of those dreams from your 20s might have been immature and no longer serve who you have become, but others, they've been waiting patiently for their season. I want you to think back to who you were before you became someone's everything. What lit you up? What conversations could you have for hours? What problems did you naturally want to solve? What kind of impact did you dream about making? Don't dismiss these as silly young dreams. Some of them were seeds planted for this exact season of your life. You now have the wisdom, skills, and perspective to pursue them in ways that your 25-year-old self would never have been able to do. I have always been fascinated by self-improvement, being one's best self, and how to achieve goals and live that life of my dream. My bedroom floor was full of books, articles, ideas, dreams on this subject, posters of hunky guys wasn't what I had pinned to my walls. This part of me has always been there and it has emerged fully in this season. But what I understood in my teenage years, my mid-20s, and now as grown evolved and become a system of lived knowledge and foundational wisdom. The dream of being a famous singer, well, I sing in the car with my husband who loves my voice. I can let that dream go and be perfectly content. The third thing I want you to do is take inventory of who you've become actually. You're not the same person you were 20 years ago. You're better. You've been in what I call fine aging for life, like a fine wine. You only get better with time. Make a list of every skill you've developed, every crisis you've navigated, every project you've managed, every person you've influenced, every problem you've solved. You will be shocked at what you discover. Project management, you've been running a complex organization for two decades. Financial management, you've optimized budgets that would make CFOs weak. Human resources, oh my goodness, you've mediated conflicts, motivated team members, and developed talent. And strategic planning? Well, you've been forecasting needs and managing resources like a Fortune 500 executive. You haven't been just a mom. You've been developing a skill set that's incredibly valuable in the world. Finally, and this is crucial, your worth isn't based on what you do, it's based on who you are. Here are the facts about your value. You have inherent worth simply for existing. This is unchangeable as needing oxygen is to survive. Worth is often assessed by others based on their values and needs, but that doesn't change fact number one. You get to decide how you see yourself and treat yourself accordingly. No matter what anyone thinks or says, fact number one remains true. When you understand this, really understand it, everything changes. You stop, you stop trying to earn worth through performance. You stop believing that your value depends on how much others need you. You start making decisions from abundance instead of scarcity. Here's what I want you to understand: becoming your utmost self is the most powerful way to create the relationships you actually want with your family. When you design your life on purpose instead of living on autopilot, everything shifts. You stop modeling that women disappear when they become mothers and start demonstrating that women expand and evolve. You stop being the manager of everyone else's life and start being the mentor, the wisdom keeper, the women that turn to not because they have to, because they want to learn from who you've become. And here's what happens in your marriage: when you include yourself in your own life, you don't love your spouse less. You love them differently, better. Instead of being a business partner, running a household, you become companions on a journey. Instead of managing each other, you start inspiring each other. Your spouse didn't fall in love with a manager or a caretaker. They fell in love with a fantastic, fascinating, complex, passionate woman who had dreams and opinions and interests. When you rediscover that woman and integrate her with the wisdom you've gained, you become irresistible again. Not because you're trying to be, because you are actually full of life. And y'all, your children, they don't need a perfect mother who sacrificed everything for them. That's actually a terrible burden to put on your child. They need a whole mother who shows them what it looks like to live fully, to pursue growth, to adapt to life seasons with grace and excitement. When you become your utmost self, you give your children permission to become theirs. You show your daughters that motherhood enhances women. It doesn't erase them. You show your son what a fascinating, evolving woman looks like so they can recognize and appreciate that in their future partner. So here's the choice in front of you. Do you want to continue believing that wanting more makes you ungrateful and risk spending the next 20 years of your life and a half-life living small, managing instead of inspiring, watching your relationships become functional instead of transformational? Or are you ready to understand that you are not broken, you're buried, that becoming your unmost self isn't selfish. It's the most generous gift that you can give to everyone you love. Do you want to keep believing that you're only valuable for what you do for others and wake up wondering who you are when those roles shift? Or are you ready to discover that your purpose is bigger, deeper, and more expansive than you've ever imagined? Because here's what I know. Somewhere inside of you, there's a woman who's been waiting patiently for her season. She's not gone, she's not broken, she's buried under years of believing that she had to choose between being a good mother and being fully herself. But that's always been the false choice. If you're ready to stop living a half-life, if you're ready to discover that you're not broken, if you're ready to design a life on purpose instead of living on autopilot, then I want you to join the priority notice list for my brand new three-day reclaiming who you are beyond a mom and wife event. This isn't about abandoning your family. It's about bringing the fullest version of yourself to your family. This isn't about becoming someone new. It's about excavating the woman who's been there all along, integrating her with the wisdom that you've gained, and stepping into the most powerful season of your life. Over these three days, we are going to excavate the dreams, the purpose that's been buried under years of role-focused living. You're going to understand your skills and experiences have actually prepared you for this next season. You're going to design a vision for your life that honors who you've become while embracing who you're becoming, creating a plan for transitioning from manager to mentor in your family relationships, and build the foundation for becoming your utmost self in ways that enhance rather than complete with your roles. So click the link in the show notes to join the priority notice list to be one of the first people notified when the three-day reclaiming who you are beyond mom and wife event opens. Because your family doesn't need a perfect mother. They need the real you and all your complex, evolving, magnificent humanity. You are more than everything to everyone. You are someone. It's time to reconnect to that amazing woman and step fully into the masterpiece that you have always been.