Facing Midlife when your parents are ill with Vivian Watson.

Vivian Watson opens up about her challenging journey of caring for her parents—her mother diagnosed with cancer and her father with dementia—which led to her own dark night of the soul. 

• Through this experience, Vivian learned the importance of embracing both light and darkness to find inner peace and growth. 
• She shares valuable insights about navigating difficult times, the power of presence, and the transformational potential of acknowledging and sitting with our dark emotions. 
• This profound conversation offers hope and wisdom for anyone going through their own struggles.

Transcript

Introduction: A Journey Through Darkness

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the infinite life.com. I'm a quantum soul. I like to take one of my quantities. Point the soul. Through over 60 progression case studies, meaning to be interviewed, fascinating discussions with interesting human beings. Uncover what it means to be a human facing duality on Earth whilst embracing the true nature of reality, non-duality, and unconditional love.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

My mother was diagnosed with cancer, and at the time my father had dementia, and she was the main caregiver, which meant that she wasn't able to take care of him any longer. So I had to move in with them. I have a husband and two kids, and but I have I had to move in with my parents to take care of both of them, which was really difficult. And so that's

Podcast Welcome and Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_02 1:14

where my journey in the darkness started. Thank you so much for coming me, Katish. It's a pleasure to be here. So excited.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

I am excited. It's been a while since I've seen you, and it's been a while since we've had you on the podcast. For those of you who have been regular followers of the podcast, Vivian was one of the first people who appeared on the podcast in many episodes, actually. So you can go back through and when you see case at least say the word Vivian, this is Vivian. So she's been integrally involved in our journey of understanding how the soul changes from lifetime to lifetime, and how we experience different things in order to learn and grow the soul. And Vivian has always been about the light and about tea and messages to help people embrace their lights. She uses different tools to do this. She's a princess of the light web. And recently, because Vivian posts mostly in Spanish, Facebook does the wonderful translation for me. And I saw the image of a phoenix rising from the ashes. And some of you will know that my business logo has been Malachite, which is my

Vivian's Story: Embracing Darkness

SPEAKER_01 2:58

past life or current life spirit guide, but also past life spirit guide. Who is a phoenix? So as soon as I saw that, I was like, Vivian, a phoenix rising from the ashes, the darkness. I sent you a message and said, Vivian, did you do that masterclass in English? And you said, no. I was like, dang. Then I was like, you can come on the podcast and tell us all about it. What's happened to you that has made you want to teach people about rising from the ashes?

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Yeah, it's been uh it's been a long difficult journey. But one of the things that I have learned in this journey is that we cannot fully embrace our light if we don't embrace our dark darkness as well. And this is something that surprised me a lot because I realized that I was afraid of the dark. I realized that I was when all my teachings, and all I've been an energy healer for many years, and in all my teachings, I was always about the light, and I talked about darkness very little because I was afraid of going in there. I was afraid of the darkness, and and so it happened that I had a series of events happening in my life. It all started with um the disease of my parents. Um, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and at the time my father had dementia and she was the main caregiver, uh, which meant that she wasn't able to take care of him any longer. So I had to move in with them. I have a husband and two kids, and but I have I had to move in with my parents to take care of both of them, which was really difficult. And so that's where my journey in the darkness started. I have a lot of um energetic tools. Um, being an energy hitter for many years, um I I have a lot of tools and I'm not new to this work, but in that time my tools didn't work. I I had a lot of a lot of trouble going into my light again and raising my vibration and and staying positive and all this things. It was really hard for me, and it was like the first time in my life that my tools didn't work. And so I started questioning everything. I started doubting myself, I started doubting my teachings. It was a real dark night of the soul, and this lasted quite a long time for a year and a half almost. It was a journey of finding myself again. And of course, at the time I know that, and it's one of the things that I teach that everything that happens to us has a blessing hidden inside. Nothing happens just because, and nothing happens simply to bring pain on us just for the sake of pain. Everything happens for a reason, and there is a blessing always. And so I knew that there was a blessing behind everything that I was uh going through, but of course I didn't, I I had no clue at the time what that blessing was, and I was very, I was very angry at life, at the universe, at everything. And and life was like I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know what was going to happen with my mom, I didn't know what was going to happen with my dad. He started like deteriorating really fast, and I had to take care of all his needs, I had to wash him, to dress him, to all the things while taking care of my mom. So it was really hard. Eventually, I could go back and move back home. My sister came in to help, uh, but the it was still going on. My mother was still sick, my father still had dementia, and this yeah, it lasted for about uh a year. Um

The Healing Process and Lessons Learned

SPEAKER_02 7:29

eventually my my father died, and then uh my mother is in cancer treatment and it's controlled now. The disease is there, but it's all under control, so she has she's living a normal life, and so I don't I don't need to be there like all the time as I used to. And it's been like very recent, a few months ago, or let's say, yeah, let's say it was like three months ago that I really started to feel that things were starting to go back to normal, and that I could really reap all the lessons from this dark period. And the most important lesson that I have learned is that you have to really embrace your darkness, you have to allow yourself to go through it and not fight it. Because the biggest lesson that I learned was that when you embrace your darkness and when you allow yourself to really feel it, to really go through it, to really be there, like it's not nobody likes to feel pain, and nobody likes to be in darkness, but if we don't experience darkness, we really cannot know what light is, and so they learned is that we have to embrace that part of ourselves as well. And my all the things that I was doing with using my energy tools and trying to raise my vibration and all that, I was trying to escape, I was trying to escape the pain, and I wasn't really in the most uh beneficial energy energetic base for myself because I was just trying to I was trying to hide away, I just trying to hide away from darkness. But when I eventually I surrendered, eventually I said, okay, so none of this is working, so I'll just stay here and see what happens, which was uh a really great decision because it's really difficult to stay in the dark. But that was when I started to I I started to feel peace again, even in the darkness. I I started to feel the peace of not having to run away from it, right? Because when you try to run away from something, it's it's really it's exhausting. You can't possibly be in your being when you're trying to run away from something, you cannot be in the present moment, and if you're not living in the present moment, you can't see what's in front of you, you can't see, you can't really see the blessing of this behind everything, because you're always like somewhere else energetically, you're not purely present. So, what I learned was that by giving myself permission to be fully present, I started to feel at peace again, even though even in the middle of chaos, even in the middle of not knowing, even in the middle of complete and utter uncertainty, but I started to feel peace, and that was like, oh, it was really surprising for me like having the feeling of peace after so long, and so I allowed myself like to stay there and to explore, to explore this a little bit to so how how did you do that?

SPEAKER_01 11:33

How did you explore? Because people in the middle of a very strong emotion do go and try and reach for the tools and do try and change it or help it or modify it or lessen it. And when you sit with it, can you describe how you sit with it?

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Yeah, it's not easy to do, of course not. It's not something easy, and it was gradual. I couldn't at the beginning, I couldn't just completely sit there completely. There was always like a part of myself that wanted to go away, so it had to be like very for small moments at a time. A few minutes. Um I'm sorry, there's uh noise coming out from the window. I don't know if you can hear it.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Um, but but anyway, it was I I could do it just for a few minutes at a time, and what I did was simply I just sat, I breathed, and just stayed there. And just felt, just allowed myself to feel whatever it was that I was feeling. I was afraid of my feelings, I was afraid of feeling the pain, feeling the anger of feeling, and so I just stayed there with my feelings for a little time. At the beginning, I couldn't bear to stay for too long, so it started very gradually. I just allowed myself to feel whatever I was feeling, and then I had the need to snap out of it, to distract myself, or to do something else, or to and so I I allowed myself to do that at the beginning, but then little by little I realized that I could stay there for longer periods. And then there came a time in which it wasn't it was never a lesson, like to feel all the feels, but it was peaceful. There came a time in which I I just thought, oh, I I don't have the need to run away. I can just be here and I can cry and and I can scream and I can I can feel all of this, but there's like a little bit of peace that's starting to to show up. And so I I I started to focus on on that piece, and it felt like a very like a small flicker of light, like very like a tiny, tiny flicker of light. So I started to simply be there and focused on that piece, and so it's little by little it started to be more obvious, it started to be easier for me to access that small flicker of light. And it with time I realized that I could go back to that state, that state of peace by whenever I wanted to. It wasn't something that it wasn't immediate, it was a very gradual uh shift. And so when I started to make peace with what was going on, I started to feel less resentful because I was feeling like very resentful, resentful towards life, resentful towards my parents, resentful towards the choices that they made, and resentful towards lots of things. And I realized that the the more I could appeal with this piece, the less resentful I felt, and the more I could yeah, be in the present. And that was yeah, it was very subtle at the beginning, but little by little it started to change everything, it started to change the way the way I cared for my parents, the the way I was present with them, and the way

Navigating Grief and Finding Peace

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I felt when caring about them, when caring for them, you know, and the way that I felt when I was not with them, little by little it started to change everything, and yeah, and then it's just very difficult, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Because you're the child essentially, and so a lot of these feelings are that inner child who is used to being soothed by their parents when they go through difficult emotions, and now the parent is not available emotionally or physically to soothe you, and it's like your inner tantrum has to come out because you need to recognize it and self-soothe because you you we're in the midlife, right? So this is where we change from being the child to being the carer for most of us at some stage. So we've got this, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like this tearing because you you're losing that part of your identity, and you're I guess you're partly getting ready to become a total orphan when you lose both parents and be the only one that can soothe yourself full stop. So it it is very difficult, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:13

It's very difficult and it's terrifying, yes. Yeah. And it's it's one of the most difficult things that I've gone through. It's the most difficult thing that I've gone through um in my whole life. It is really a terrifying journey, but I guess we all must go through that at one time. It's the natural order of life, it's that our parents are going to die before us. Normally that's the way it happens. It started to become more not easier, but more possible, I might say, when I stopped uh fighting against and when I I realized, okay, this is what's happening in my life right now, and there's nothing I can change about this right now, so I have to go through this, but I can choose how I go through this, and I can choose how the the way that I'm present with them, and I can choose how I will remember this and it it all ends. And so in the last month when my dad got ill and I cared for him and almost exclusively, I I I stopped working, I stopped everything to to care for him. And my main focus at that moment was to to do things in in to be present with him in a way that I would feel that I would feel happy when I remembered him, that I would feel good about myself, that I would have no regrets after he'd gone because he was leaving us, obviously. But I I wanted to yeah, to have no regrets because if then there's nothing you can do. Everything I could do was while he was still alive. So that by by having that experience of that little flicker of light, that le that peace that I felt when I allowed myself to feel all the feelings, I could just be present with him without thinking on thinking about what I was like, what I was giving up to be with him, what I was like sacrificing. I don't really like that word, but I was I was leaving a lot of things behind, so in order to be with him you know fully. And so I decided to not to focus on what I was not doing, but to focus on what I was doing, being with him completely. And it was love, I guess in the end, that's that's like the answer to everything. You do it out of love. You start you you tend to the other person and you do it because you want to do it, not because it's not because you're you're obliged to, or because it's your duty, or because somebody has to do it. You do it because you want to, you do it because you love that person and you want that person to to feel good, and you want to give that person everything that you can give them while they are still here, and and so that's that was the way that I focused it. And of course, it wasn't easy, it was really painful, but whenever whenever the pain uh started to get hold of me, I I would go back to love. I would go back to okay, what can I do for him right now? What can I do um for him to feel better? How can I be with him? How can I how can I show him that I'm here, that I love him.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

And of course, my dad had dementia, so it makes it all the more difficult because he can't comprehend all things.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Exactly, and he couldn't, it's not like a person that you can have a conversation with. But he didn't communicate that well that that way. But he but he felt like the the way it looked at him, the touch, the kind words, the loving words. So he could comprehend that. Even though intellectually he didn't understand what I was saying, but he could feel the love and I could see and he could think he was happy. I could see like his reaction. And so yeah, that's I everybody and and every spiritual teachings and and every um religion and and uh we always talk about love and I think that it's something like it's such a like a common word, and and it's so common, it's like a cliche nowadays to say it's all about love, and love is the answer to all, and it's like these things that you see in those quote posts uh with uh very um beautiful graphics and and stuff. But when you try to see the truth behind those cliche words, and you actually feel it, you realize that it it's actually true. It's love, it's it's it's that's like the way, that's the answer, that's the that's the uh that's the medicine. And for me, like those last few months with my dad, they were the medicine that that cured me of the darkness of of the previous year. Because I was so glad and so happy to be able to be able to be with him in his last week without any regrets, without any resentment, without not even wanting things to be different, but just like staying there, staying where I was at, you know?

SPEAKER_01 24:23

And Vivian, I know this from personal experience with being with you and working with you, that you've been through this situation before, but in a different way. And so you experienced the death of your brother. And how was this different in terms of the way that you have been able since your father died to process his death? Because obviously with your brother it's a different situation, but I'm not so sure that you allowed yourself to go into that darkness with your brother, whereas you've allowed it with your father. If you could just give us a little bit of insight as to how you felt you've been able to move forward with your life, even though it's been a lot longer since your brother died than your father.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Yes, absolutely. Of course, it was very different, totally different, because I was a completely different person when my brother died. I was I didn't have the I was I didn't have the experience that I have now, and I didn't have the knowledge that I have now. And when my brother died, I had I still hadn't started like my journey in energy healing and all that. So there were a lot of things that I didn't know at the time, and it was very dark period, but I didn't leave it in as consciously as I did, as I lived as as I experienced it this time. I wasn't as conscious then as I was when my dad died. But I guess even though I wasn't able to to experience my brother's death uh consciously, to really be there and really notice what was happening to me and really I did go through my grieving period and all that, but it was I I I was like so blind at the at the time. There was like so many things I I I didn't know and I I couldn't have known then. But I think that I I think that what I experienced with my dad was so healing on so many levels, and I think that it was also it it also healed like the unhealed parts of myself that had that were still like that that had still uh not processed fully my brother's death. And I think that having been able to be there for for my dad in the way that I was, um it was really healing in in so many levels. Um and yeah, I I the the feeling is peace. The feeling is when you can't change the

Impact on Work and Helping Others

SPEAKER_02 27:32

things that the events in your life, what you can do is is decide how you're going to face them, and when you face them in a way that is true to who you are, then the result is peace, and I think that's the biggest gift.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And how has this helped you with your understanding of the work that you do and the way that you can help clients now? Because I guess one of the things, not to criticize anybody, we are brought up a lot in our secular and our spiritual lives to be always raise your vibration, be more positive, look for the silver lining, all those sorts of things, and this the dark all souls go through dark cycles as well as dark moments just in one incarnation. We have lifetimes that are very dark and lifetimes that are very light, but and we know this from visiting past life regression during past life regression, such as visiting our past lives, and we tend to judge and blame ourselves for who we were in a dark lifetime, and then praise and congratulate ourselves for the light and helpful lifetime. So, knowing what you do and what you've seen through your own regressions and the past life work that you do with your clients, how has this double set of experiences impacted the way that you help clients now?

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Oh, it has yeah, it has it's had a tremendous impact, and I'm still I'm still figuring it out because I'm still like in a transition phase in where I'm integrating all these teachings in the work that I do, but it's still a process, it's an ongoing process. I I do realize that I used to be yeah, too focused on raise your vibration, on you have to do your best to feel good, and you have to find the good in every situation and all the things, and I have been very focused on on that. But I believe that one of the insights that I had recently was that I think we need we need people to guide us when we are going through our darkness as well, and we need people to be there for us, not to not like pushing us to to go to the light, to feel good, to raise your vibration, but to simply be there for us while we are going through the tunnel, yeah, yeah. Without making us because sometimes, and I've I've I've worked with coaches before, and it's like sometimes you even feel guilty when you're in a in going through a dark moment, and you feel that there's something wrong with you, and you feel that that uh you should be happy, and and that's something that a lot of people like my mom has she still does. Oh, but you you should be happy. Look, you have this and that. Yeah, but I know I have that, but but it's about giving yourself permission to also be in the dark, and I think that you need somebody, you know, people need people who can be there in a completely non-judgmental way without wanting to change anything and and just be there for them. And I realized that that my work was transitioning into that, into not only helping my clients to access their own light, which I do, okay, but to access your own light, you have to go through your darkness. That's the the lesson that I have learned. So I realize that I am here also to guide my clients through their darkness. Because now I am I'm I'm not afraid of it. I'm not afraid. Of course, nobody wants to, of course, I don't want to go to through another period of darkness again, but I now know that I'm not gonna die, you know. I'm I'm still here, I survived, and and I'm stronger and I'm wiser, and I'm more whole as a result of everything that I have gone through, and it's been a blessing. I now see it as a blessing, so I'm not scared of it, and I'm not scared of guiding somebody who is in the middle of that.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Yeah, and I think there's a couple of things that I wanted to say to that. One is it takes not everybody can do that, it takes up a lot of energy and space to hold space to somebody going through the dark moments, and you can't expect just anyone to to hold that space for you. There are going to be people in your life that absolutely cannot hold that space, nor should you expect them. So, yes, help finding somebody that's going to be there for you is a mat is really important. And secondly, I think that there's dark space, which is there's the dark darkness when you can't control because of circumstances in your life, but there's also uh just transitioning through darkness to grow and understanding that those dark emotions and feelings and attitudes are there to point out incongruences in your life as well. They're also really wise messages that not just anger or shame or hatred or whatever it is, but from my own personal experience, it's yes, these messages are coming thick and fast and they're awful. And yes, I can be present in them, but I've also got to be able to say, in order to allow that crack of light in, I need to see that this darkness has light within it to find that message. What is my body trying to tell me? What is my soul trying to tell me? What are my spirit guides trying to tell me? Because I can go on only for so long until they're gonna whack me over the head, basically, and say, You're avoiding this, let me throw it all at you at once. Do you know what I mean? That's my interpretation. I don't know how you see it. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

These periods of darkness, uh, yeah, they can happen because of something, uh events that are going on, or they can simply be just uh as you were saying, like it's uh science to to make it go inside and see what is there and and what is not in the alignment, and want to allow ourselves like to really dive into that. Yeah, but I I I think it's I think we need we really need to give ourselves like permission to to really see into the darkness instead of making it go away. And in my experience when I it was when I really gave myself permission to get to be there and not fight it anymore, then I that I realized that there was indeed a little light in the darkness. And I think of the that the yin-yang symbol where there's the light and there's a little dot of darkness, and there's the darkness and there's a little dot of light, and it's it's like that, it's exactly like that. So yeah, I I think it's it's all a matter of giving ourselves permission, and uh and sometimes it's really difficult to give ourselves permission on our own. Sometimes it's scary to go there on our own. Um it's scary. Uh sometimes the feeling that I had was okay, but if I allow myself to be here, how do I know that I will get out sometime or stay here forever? That was one of my fears. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to come out of this. But there's you always come out. There's always it's there's always an end to the tunnel, okay? There there is always but the more that you immerse yourself in the journey and you allow yourself to take one step at a time, one step at a time, there comes a moment in which everything integrates and and you see the light.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Yeah, and I think that's when you you have to be able to say, I'm in this really dark moment right now, I'm struggling, I know it might go on for a little bit, I need to just either take it minute by minute and just drop everything else in my life so I can survive. And then when I've got a breath to take for myself, then I will consider reaching out for help to whoever it is, because they can give me perspective. Because the more that we are afraid of this thing going on forever, the more that we exacerbate it because we feed that fear, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:48

Exactly, exactly. Yes, that's right, and we start fighting it. It's would you resist it's exactly like that. Okay, uh, I think that the more that you allow yourself to really be there, um, you know, and and when you allow yourself to be there, it's like the the resistance um lowers, and when the resistance lowers and and you can really be present with what you're going through, um then it's that it doesn't take us long to to to go through that because it's our own resistance that makes it last and last. But it's like until we don't until we give ourselves uh really permission to to experience it fully and to fully like learn the lessons that are there for us and to embrace it, um it's it's not going to go. Or it will come back because it it it is necessary for us to get on our path to uh our growth, it's necessary to go through so the more that we allow ourselves to do that and to to really feel, then the easier it gets. It's it's not that it gets easy, but at least it it flows. When you don't fight it, you realize that it's just flowing.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

And I just had a weird analogy coming to me then, which I think you you will relate to. It's a bit like when you have your first child, it's it's really difficult, and you're learning everything for the first time, and then you have a second child, and you think, I expect myself to be ready to cope for this. I've been there and done this, and then you're in the thick of it again, and you've got a newborn and a toddler, and you're like, Why am I not remembering anything? And then it suddenly feels like chaos, and then when you feel that you're in chaos and you just allow yourself to just let everything crumble because you are in chaos, then you remember how to do things again, and you're like, Oh, that's right, I need to do this. You the chink comes in, and you're like, it was just that panic that I had that I should know how to do this. I've been here before, I've faced this before, and I'm putting all these judgments on me. And now that I've just gone out to just a shit mess and just been there, then I now I remember.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

Exactly, exactly. It's exactly that way. Yeah, yeah. For me, one of the things that created my own resistance was that I I was supposed to be a teacher, spiritual teacher. Uh, my what I asked, what the question that I asked myself was, how can I be going through this when I am meant to when I teach people to reach for the light and all things? Uh how is it possible that I cannot do this for myself? And and it was very shameful for me. I felt like an imposter at the time. Um, because it was like, I'm not supposed to like to be here. I'm supposed to be like, oh, love and light, and well, this is happening, I cannot change it, but I'm supposed to be love and light through this. And I just couldn't. And so it was also a humbling experience to realize that I'm a human being. Uh I'm human and I just don't have a clue. I don't have a clue. I nothing is working, I don't know. I I there's nothing I can do. I can't handle it. I just can't. The only thing I can do is just stay here. And that was like so it was really humbling, and it was so powerful just to admit to myself, look, I don't know, I have no idea. I have no idea what to do. And and I don't have to know. What a relief. I I can be human, I can be clueless, I can go through this like any other human being because I am a human being as well. And I can say that.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Um and I think that's that's where we uh don't see enough, you don't have to share in the moment because that's not wise, but I think it it takes courage and bravery, and that's what we need more of from spiritual teachers and teachers of all kinds is to say, I am imperfect, I'm a human being. I know for myself, I cannot tell you how many times I have in the middle of the night when I was going through my dark moments, gone. I cannot believe I put those past life regressions of my own self on the podcast. I've just shown me being hit by a black magician in the third eye. People must will never want to come and use my services because they've seen that I was impacted by that this dark person in his past life. And the number of times I've gone hit delete and then gone, no, you must keep that up. It's a teaching and shows you that you go through different kinds of lifetimes. So it's really important, I think, that people do allow their students to see that they are vulnerable, they have learned and grown through this because it then allows other people to be the same, I think.

SPEAKER_02 43:33

Absolutely, absolutely, and I think that's one of the greatest examples that we can give to our to our clients, to our students. Yeah, and because there's always like the ego saying, Oh, I know this, and yes, of course, I have all the answers and all the things. And we all have that, but it it's it's not required. We're not required to to have all the answers and to know everything and to to be superhuman in order to help other people. It's actually because we are human and because we have gone through all of this, and because we have gone through times where we didn't have a clue, that's what helps us to help other people who are going through that after us. And yeah, I think it's it's very empowering to be able to share your experience and to be able to say, look, this is me and perfect. I went through this. It was really hard, it is really painful, and I had absolutely no clue. And everything that I knew and uh all the things that I have taught you to and my tools or my energy tools that are so cool and that you like so much, but it didn't they they didn't work for me, they weren't working and and it's it's really humbling to do that, but it's also very powerful. And that was actually the intention of that masterclass. I wanted to share this with my community. I wanted to tell them I've gone through this because sometimes it it's it it takes much more than a Facebook post to to really share all the things and so that's why I did that masterclass. And for me it was yeah, it was it was a very beautiful experience to be able like to show to show up in in that way, like to to get like completely naked and tell everybody this is what I've gone through, this is how hard it has been. Um and I I didn't have uh any clues and my magic wasn't working, but this is what has happened and this is what I learned, and this is what I can teach you now, and this is why I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

Yeah, because when when when your tools and magic and approaches don't work, it then stretches you, doesn't it? So that you can then reach out and develop new tools and new methodologies and new ways to do things because you have to, you're a different person before.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

That's right, exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You come up as a completely different person, and so everything has to change the way that your code your teachings and the way that you do your work and your message, and it all has to to shift alongside of you. Yeah, um, but it's it's been a very um empowering experience. Um with all the the difficulties and the pain and and all that, um I can see how it was necessary for me and I'm I'm really grateful for having gone that and I'm really grateful that I

Final Thoughts and Embracing Darkness

SPEAKER_02 47:02

had the that that it was aware enough to choose how I want to to face it when I after when when I was really like prepared to to be there with the darkness and and with my pain.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

Well, thank you for sharing that with us. And Vivian does teach both in English and in Spanish, and she does have English speaking and Spanish-speaking clients. So if anything that Vivian has shared about her journey today resonates with you or you are going through really dark moments, then I will put in the show notes today how you can actually reach out to Vivian and either through her one-on-one coaching or her group sessions or her community sessions, she'll be able to get in contact with you and help you navigate your own pathway through the moments that you need help with. So, any last wrap-up that you'd like to say before we go this evening, Vivian?

SPEAKER_02 48:04

I simply want to say that darkness is is not bad. Like darkness is the enemy. That's what I learned. Darkness is not the enemy, it's actually our friend. Darkness is our friend, and when we we can see it as our friend, everything shifts, everything changes. It's a power uh darkness is a powerful ally, and it's it's a friend that helps us really embrace our true magic because our true magic is not only about the light, it's also about the dark, it's the whole it's both sides of our perfect.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

All right, we'll leave it there. Thank you, Vivian.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Thank you so much for having me, Kitish. It's been a pleasure.