Roots of the Rise
Grounded wisdom for the journey inward and upward.
Roots of the Rise is a soul-centered podcast hosted by Sarah Hope—Ayurvedic health practitioner, spiritual mentor, meditation teacher, biodynamic craniosacral therapist, and energy healer. Drawing from thousands of hours of client work, group facilitation, and her own journey through childhood trauma, grief, and the profound rediscovery of love and joy, Sarah offers a grounded, heart-led space for inner transformation.
Short episodes (10–20 minutes) released on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, offer bite-sized insights, ideas, and practices for inner growth and self-development. Whether you're seasoned on the path or just beginning to explore, this podcast gives you digestible nuggets to stay inspired—without overwhelm. It’s perfect for those who want to stay engaged in the work, curious newcomers feeling overloaded by long-form content, or anyone wanting to understand a loved one's journey from a broader, more accessible perspective.
Sarah’s intention is to expose you to a wide range of spiritual concepts, therapeutic tools, philosophies, and practices—all in service of helping you become the healthiest, happiest, most authentic version of yourself. The journey can be hard. It can feel lonely. But you’re not alone. Come walk this path with her—learning, healing, and rising, one grounded step at a time.
This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Sarah is not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, she hopes it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.
Roots of the Rise
Episode 69 - When "Please" Becomes Pressure: Understanding Requests vs. Demands and Why it Matters
Discover the powerful distinction between requests and demands that can transform your relationships by honoring each other's autonomy and choice.
• Requests honor the possibility of hearing "no" without emotional fallout
• How we respond to someone's "no" reveals whether we're making requests or demands
• True requests are rooted in openness while demands are rooted in control or expectation
• Four key elements to help distinguish between requests and demands
• Ask yourself: "Can I handle a no without punishing them emotionally?"
• When someone asks something of you, explain the need that prevents you from saying yes
• Even in close relationships, we're allowed to ask for anything but aren't entitled to everything
• Dr. Marshall Rosenberg: "Please do as I request only if you do it with the joy of a child feeding ducks"
Resources:
Related Episodes:
Episode 22 - Communicate Without Conflict: Non Violent Communication Basics for Everyday Life
Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. We make requests all day long, sometimes without even realizing it, but how often are we actually making demands without meaning to? Today, we're talking about the subtle but powerful difference between the two and how learning to tell them apart can completely shift the quality of your relationships. I recently had someone ask me to do something I didn't want to do, and when I said no, I got a guilt trip and a cold shoulder. And that is how I knew it was actually a demand, not a request, because how someone responds to no is what tells you everything. If the response includes judgment, criticism or emotional punishment, it wasn't really a request. A true request honors the possibility of a no without fallout.
Speaker 1:Dr Marshall Rosenberg does a great job talking about this in his book Nonviolent Communication. I will link it in the show notes. I find well pretty much everything he says, but his take on this so valid and supportive when it comes to unpacking relationship dynamics around asking for things, and it's worth examining, because we all do this. Not a day goes by without asking something of someone, but I think it's important for us to occasionally step back and really think about, consider are you truly asking or are you demanding? And there are four important elements I want you to contemplate when you think about this. The first thing you want to check is what energy am I carrying into this ask?
Speaker 1:A request is rooted in openness, while a demand is rooted in control, urgency or expectation. Even if the words sound polite, the underlying energy can betray your true intention. This isn't just semantics, it's energetic. Are you inviting or are you insisting? Usually, we can feel this on the receiving end. Requests feel safe, even if someone is being polite. You can feel this on the receiving end, like requests feel safe Even if someone is being polite. You can tell if they are, you know, just kind of gently asking for something or if they are demanding it, because demands feel tense or pressured, sometimes even before they say a word. Now look, there are situations where demands are not only appropriate, they're essential.
Speaker 1:Fidelity in marriage might be one. It's not for everyone but, like for me and my husband, remaining faithful is an absolute non-negotiable. I am not asking nicely, and neither is he. It's a mutual deal breaker. But him taking up the trash Well, that's a request. I might roll my eyes if he forgets, but there's no snippiness or resentment. That's how I know. I'm not demanding it, I'm just asking. And my energy is very different talking about those two. You know different examples, right? If I'm saying to him be faithful, there is no room for negotiation, faithful, there is no room for negotiation. But if I say like, hey, can you take out the trash, there's no pressure involved in that and you can feel it, he can feel it.
Speaker 1:The second thing I want you to remember is that requests honor autonomy, whereas demands try to override it. So when someone says no to you, can you stay grounded in connection or do you immediately shift into frustration or shutdown, or even feeling rejected? Sometimes, when we interpret noncompliance as rejection, we react rather than respond, and often that's not about that moment, it's not about the present, it's about old wounds, learned patterns. If you've ever caught yourself thinking, if you don't do this, I am, so going to hold it over your head, or they didn't do it, they must not care about me, well then you might be subconsciously demanding things of your people, not requesting them. The more we interpret no as you don't love me, the more likely our future asks will carry the weight of a demand, because deep down, we're signaling do this or I'll make you pay emotionally.
Speaker 1:Here's the third thing I want you to think about today how to tell the difference in real time. I'm going to give you a few questions to ask that will give you a quick litmus test when you are about to ask someone for something. So ask yourself can I handle a no without punishing them emotionally? Would I still love and respect this person if they say no? Am I open to dialogue or am I trying to control the outcome? So let's bring this into real life with an example. Think about the last time someone pressured you into something. Maybe you said yes because you felt like you should or because saying no felt dangerous in some way. Did it feel good? Did it make you want to do more for them or less?
Speaker 1:The point of making a request is not to manipulate or to control. It's to build trust and connection. Ideally, we make requests from a place of vulnerability, a place of like. This would mean a lot to me and I hope you'll consider it, but I respect whatever you need to choose. One of my personal asks of my husband is that he kiss me before leaving the house, not when he's like just going to get mail, but if he's like leaving for the day or to run an errand. It's a small ritual that helps us stay connected and it is a request, not a demand, because if he forgets, I'm not going to accuse him of being a bad partner or say that he doesn't love me because he forgot to kiss me this time. It's something I like and so I ask for it, and it's a healthy, reasonable request. On the other hand, some things that I might want him to do, I don't actually have the right to demand. For example, I might think it's a great idea for him to take certain supplements and to get up early so he can go to the gym, but I can't demand that he didn't marry me on the condition that I get to run his body. That wasn't part of the agreement. That's his call and that's an important distinction that needs to be made in all relationships.
Speaker 1:We are allowed to ask for anything, but we are not entitled to everything we ask for. Let's take another example. Say your boss asks you to stay 30 minutes late to work on a project. They can ask, but if they start giving you the cold shoulder, ducking your hours, making veiled threats because you say I need to go pick up my kid. Well, that's no longer a request, right? That's a power play, totally inappropriate.
Speaker 1:Let's look at friendships. One of my dear friends had a big 10-year wedding anniversary celebration in Hawaii a few years ago. She invited just our small circle of friends and our partners and I desperately wanted to go I mean Hawaii with your best friends? Who wouldn't want to do that? I would have gladly gone into debt in order to make that trip happen, but my partner at the time was not on board. He didn't like the destination. Don't judge him, beach isn't for everyone. He knew we couldn't afford it. We definitely could not, and he didn't vibe with the scene of the trip as it was planned. I asked him to reconsider. He said no and I was totally heartbroken. But I let it go because I knew on a certain level that he was right. We could not afford it.
Speaker 1:I bring up this story because there are so many layers of requests in it. My friend invited us. She made an ask, openly and with love. I asked my partner. He said no, I didn't punish him. I said no to my best friend. She didn't punish me. That's what it looks like when everyone stays in the territory of requests, not demands. There's love, communication, clarity. Remember, clear is kind, unclear is unkind. And I trust that if it had been truly important to my girlfriend for me to be there, she would have told me If I had said I can't make it, and she had come back and said, like I really, really want you to be there. Well, that would have given me more context and it might even have changed my choice. But that didn't happen and there was no guilt. There was no resentment, either from her end or from mine towards my partner, and that's what. Let us all move on without damage to any of the relationships involved. I can still feel really sad that I didn't go on that trip. They had an amazing time but I don't feel any guilt or anger around it because of how it was handled by everyone.
Speaker 1:The fourth element I want to cover is how to say no without escalating the situation, because we are all going to do it at some point. We are all going to say no when someone asks something of us, so how do we do it in a way that's most likely to be well-received, or at least better received than it might have been? Here's a tip Do not just say no. Say what you're saying yes to. Instead, marshall Rosenberg would say, say the need that keeps you from saying yes. So, instead of I can't or I won't try I'd love to, but I need to protect my energy tonight. That's not possible for me because I've committed to something else. I want to support you, but I also need to be honest about what I can realistically do, and I'm stretched really thin right now. In the case of my friend's anniversary trip, I wish I could be there more than anything, but I just can't afford it right now. That way, your no doesn't close the door and leave someone to think you just don't care or haven't really considered it. It opens a window into why you are choosing differently.
Speaker 1:I do this all the time with my kid. He'll come up to me and ask me to play. Instead of just saying I'm busy, I explain I need to finish doing this laundry so that you can have clothes to wear tomorrow. Let me finish this up and then I'm all yours. If you want, you can help me, and that'll make it go faster. Now look, sometimes he says yes, sometimes no, but it is a true request from me, which means if he says no and goes back to playing with his Legos. There's no ramification and he's happy understanding that. It's not that I don't want to play with him, it's that I had this thing. I have to finish first, and that's a really important life lesson, because there are going to be many times that we all have something that we'd much rather be doing than what we have to do in that moment.
Speaker 1:So as you move through your week, or if you want to journal on this topic, start to notice how do you ask for things and how do you respond when someone says no. When's the last time someone told you no and how did you respond to it? Favorite question what were you believing at that time? Did you jump to any conclusions about why they said no? Did you fact check those conclusions and how often do you say no? Or, maybe more importantly, how often do you say yes when you really want to say no? Dr Rosenberg has this great quote. He says please do as I request only if you do it with the joy of a child feeding ducks, not out of guilt, duty, shame or obligation. Anytime someone asks something of me and I'm not entirely sure what I want to do, I go back to that quote. I check my motivation for how I'm responding and often it really helps clarify what I want to do. Again, it's not that we don't occasionally have to do things, even though they do not bring us the joy of Christmas morning, but it's just a litmus test that can help in certain situations.
Speaker 1:That is all for today. Thank you for being here and for doing the beautiful, messy work of inner development and growing. If this episode sparked something for you, share it with a friend or leave a review. I so appreciate it when you take the time. If you have any thoughts or questions that came up, please click the message me button if you're listening on Spotify, or shoot me an email at rootsoftherise at gmailcom. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.
