EP5: The Legacy You Leave: How to Be the Dad Your Kids Will Remember

Every dad leaves a legacy—the question is, are you building it with intention or leaving it to chance?

In this episode of The Grateful Dad Podcast, we dive deep into what it means to shape the story your kids will tell about you one day.

✅ The Six Mindset Shifts That Define Your Fatherhood Legacy

 ✅ Why Small, Everyday Moments Matter More Than Big Ones

 ✅ How to Break Generational Cycles & Rewrite Your Family Story

 ✅ The Four Stages of Fatherhood (And How to Adapt to Each One)

 ✅ How to Live Out Your Faith So Your Kids Carry It Forward

Plus, I share real-life fatherhood moments—from a heart-wrenching realization about my son watching me, to a downright hilarious parenting fail that nearly got me arrested in a Chipotle. 😂

🎤 This episode will challenge you, make you laugh, and inspire you to be the dad your kids will always remember.

💡 Your legacy is happening right now. Are you building it by design or leaving it by default?

🔥 Your challenge this week: Take one small action each day to strengthen your fatherhood legacy.

👉 Listen now, be intentional, and start shaping the story your kids will tell one day.

Transcript

Ryan: 0:00

We're recording and there's no trains or airplanes. For the first time ever recording. So let's do this. One day, your kids are going to sit around a table and tell stories about you. What will they say? Will they talk about a dad who is present, intentional and full of wisdom? A dad who built a family culture so strong it shaped the way they live their own lives? Or will they talk about a dad who is too busy, too distracted, or too disconnected? A dad they loved but who they never really knew? Here's the truth. You will leave a legacy for your kids, whether you build it by design or leave it by default. Today we're diving deep into what it means to build a fatherhood legacy that lasts. Because here's the thing. Legacies aren't built in one big moment. They're built in the thousands of little moments over time. Every conversation, every hug, every time you put your phone down and give them your full attention. Every time you show them what a man of faith looks like, that's what they'll remember. You are either leading your kids on purpose or you are leading them by accident. And in this episode, we're going to break it all down. How to build a legacy with intention instead of leaving one on autopilot. How to change the generational story if you didn't come from a strong legacy. How to make faith the center of your family's story so your kids always know where to turn, the four stages of fatherhood and why your role changes as your kids grow. And why, even in today's world, parents are still the number one influence in their kids lives. Because I don't want my kids to spend their lives searching for who they are. I want them to know. I want them to be empowered to discover their purpose. And I want my example to lead them not to me, but to God. Because if they learn to look for him in all things, they'll have all the happiness and success they need. So what kind of legacy are you leaving? Let's talk about. All right, so let's start off with this new section called dad News. You can use again. This one is a story of some people you may probably know well or know of well. Definitely a legacy we can all talk about. So this is about Martin Luther King Jr. S enduring legacy through his son. He wrote a book about it and it's the highlight of the legacy of a father's words and actions. So Dr. Martin Luther King was more than just a civil rights leader, right? He was a father who left behind a legacy that shaped his children long after he was gone. Imagine being just 10 years old when the world takes your father away. That's what happened to Martin Luther King III when his father, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Was assassinated in 1968. At the time, he was just a boy trying to understand the world. A world that saw his father as a hero, but one he simply knew as dad. In his recent book, what Is My Realizing A New Dream of Connection, Love and Fulfillment, Martin Luther King III shares, I didn't just lose my father that day. I lost the opportunity to be raised by him, to ask him questions, to hear his wisdom directly. But what he left behind was bigger than one conversation. It was a lifetime of lessons I would carry with me. Martin III had to piece together his father's legacy through memories, stories, and the values his dad lived by. Even though Dr. King was gone, his presence remained through the example that he set. For instance, faith in action. Martin III was raised with the understanding that faith wasn't just something you believed, it was something you lived out. His father preached about love and justice, but more importantly, he embodied those values every single day. A mission greater than himself. Instead of focusing on what was lost, Martin III focused on what could still be built. His father had shown him that one person's actions could completely change history. And that meant he had a responsibility to carry that mission forward. The Power of Words Even though he never got to sit with his father as an adult, Martin III learned who his father was through the words he left behind, his speeches, sermons and writings. He reflects, I was shaped by my father's words, his voice, his message. It was as if even after he was gone, he was still teaching me. So think about that. A father's words can outlive him. A father's actions create ripples beyond his own lifetime. A father's legacy is carried forward by his children. Martin III has been open about the pressure of carrying his father's name, the expectation that he would live up to the King legacy he shares. For a long time, I struggled with who I was supposed to be. People expect me to be just like my father, but I had to find my own way. What I realized was that my father's true legacy wasn't about me following in his footsteps. It was about me standing on the foundation he built and finding my own path forward from there. Instead of trying to be his father, he focused on honoring his father's values while making his own impact. There's a lesson for us there. Martin Luther King Jr. Never left his family millions of dollars. He never Built an empire of wealth to pass down. But he left his children something far more valuable. A legacy of conviction, faith, and action. A blueprint for living with purpose. A reminder that words, actions, and values shaped the world. Long after we're gone. Martin Luther King III has spent his life continuing his father's work, proving that a legacy isn't about what you leave for your children. It's about what you leave in your children. So here's a question for you. If your life ended today, what values have you instilled in your kids? What would they carry forward from the example that you've set? Are you leading in a way that your legacy will outlive you? That is what this episode is all about. So let's get into the big mindset shift here of building a legacy with intention. A legacy is never built in a day, but it is built every day. We often think of legacies as something we leave behind after we're gone. But here's the truth. You're building your legacy right now. Every interaction, every decision, every moment, it all adds up. The problem is, too many dads are doing it by accident. They don't realize that every little moment, good or bad, is shaping how their kids will remember them. So today, we're breaking it down into six powerful mindset shifts that will help you take control of the legacy you're leaving and make sure it's one that you're proud of. Shift number one, a legacy by design versus a legacy by default. Your legacy isn't optional. You're leaving one whether you realize it or not. The question is, are you building it on purpose or are you just letting it happen? Too many dads assume that legacy is about big moments. The vacations, the milestones, the major achievements. But legacy is actually built in the small, everyday moments that seem insignificant at the time. Think about this. Will your kids remember that one Christmas where they got the perfect gift? Or will they remember that every day you put your phone down, made eye contact, and really listened to them? The reality is, if you don't take control of the legacy you're building, it will build itself. And you may not like what it becomes. The second shift, the profound impact of small moments. We often get caught up in thinking we need to do something big to be great dads. But the truth is, your kids don't need big. They need consistent. It's not about the grand gestures. It's not about being perfect. It's about showing up every single day. Think about the small things your dad did that stuck with you. Was it the way he tucked you in at night? The way he always showed up at your games? The way he made you laugh after a hard day? Your kids will remember how you made them feel more than anything you ever bought them. The way you comforted them when they were scared. The way you showed patience when they messed up. The way you treated their mom. Legacy isn't built in one big moment. It's built in thousands of little ones. Third shift redefining your family's narrative. A lot of dads out there feel trapped by the past. Maybe you didn't have a great father figure. Maybe you grew up in a household where men weren't emotionally present. Maybe the legacy that was handed down to you isn't the one you want to pass on. Well, here's the good news, guys. You get to change the story. You get to be the one who breaks the cycle if you want to. If you grew up without a dad who showed up, then be a dad who shows up. If you never heard I love you growing up, then say it to your kids every single day. If you never had a deep conversation with your dad as a child, then be the dad who creates a home full of warmth and connection. Generational change starts with one person deciding this story is going to be different, and that person is you. Shift number four. Centering faith in your family's story. One of the most powerful gifts you can give your children is teaching them where to turn when life gets hard. Your legacy isn't just about you. It's about pointing them towards something bigger than you. If your kids learn to look for God in everything, they will always find Him. And when they do, they will never be lost. A father's role isn't just to protect his kids physically. It's to protect them spiritually. It's not just about making sure they have what they need today. It's about making sure they have the foundation to thrive tomorrow. Here are some ways to weave faith into your legacy. If you want to pray with your kids out loud, where they can hear you or with them. So we pray with Carter every night before bed, and it has now bled into him. He'll pray on his own. If he's having a troubled day or if he sees somebody that's in trouble, he'll pray for them. It's amazing to see other ways. Show them what faith looks like in action. Not just on Sundays, but in everyday life. For instance, when you're driving your car, that's a great time to show your kids what faith looks like. Instead of yelling at the person that cuts you off. Have a little bit of patience. Another way is making scripture a part of your home, not just on the bookshelf, but at the center of your family. So something really cool that I heard at church last week, really great idea that I'm starting to do is if you read your Bible every day, or try to read your Bible every day, or read your Bible semi regularly, like me, I don't read my Bible every day, although I try. I get to it a few times a week though. But rather than reading it in private in my room, I should start reading it at the table. Like let my kids see me reading the Bible. So that way they know that's a part of my life and my foundation that hopefully will transfer to them and be a part of their life and their foundation as well. Because one day they're going to face battles that we can't fight for them, but if we've given them faith, they're never going to fight alone. The fifth shift, shift number five is the four stages of fatherhood. And I'd like to break this into an analogy of being a coach on a championship team. So fatherhood is not one size fits all role. Your role must evolve as your children grow. Just like a great coach adapts to his team over the years. Think of your fatherhood journey like coaching a championship team. Each stage requires a different approach. And if you're stuck using the wrong one, you risk either pushing your kids away or failing to prepare them for life. So stage one, we call the head coach stage. You're the commander. This is newborn to the around 7 years old, give or take. This is when you set the foundation for your kids like a coach establishes the playbook. You're creating structure, discipline and boundaries for them. They need clear direction, repetition and firm but loving leadership. In this stage, you call the plays, you dictate the game plan. They don't question it because they don't know any different. But your role must change as they grow. You can't head coach a teenager the same way you head coach a toddler. The second stage, the playmaker. This is 7 years old to 13 years old. Somewhere in there at this stage, your kids are starting to push back. They want to understand why things are the way they are. You coach them on skills, decision making and discipline while still giving them some controlled freedom. Instead of telling them what to do, you start guiding them through it. You're still making game time decisions, but now you're letting them practice some skills on their own. You show them how to think through challenges rather than just giving orders. This is where patience, mentorship and encouragement become more important than control. Stage 3 the trusted advisor or the counselor. This is teenage years 13 to 18. Your teenager is learning to play the game on their own now. They won't always listen to what you say, but they're still watching how you live. Your job shifts from play caller to strategist. They start running their own plays. Sometimes they win, sometimes they fail. Your job is to help them analyze the game, adjust and prepare for what's next. You're not taking the ball out of their hands. You're coaching from the sideline. Remember that if you keep teaching a teenager like a five year old, you're going to lose their trust instead of control. Your biggest job now is to listen, guide and be there when they need you. Stage 4 the hall of Fame mentor. The consultant. Your child is now playing their own game. Your role shifts to trusted consultant rather than active coach. They don't need constant coaching anymore, but they need to know you're there when they need advice. You're no longer on the court. You're up in the hall of Fame. They call you when they need wisdom, direction and support. And you better answer. If you've built a strong foundation, they'll want your input even when they don't have to take it. The goal of fatherhood is not to control your child forever, is to equip them so they can run their own game later. If you've coached well, they'll take what you've given them and create their own legacy, recognizing that you are the number one influence in their lives. Many dads underestimate how much their kids are watching, listening and absorbing from them. The truth is you are shaping them every single day, even in ways you don't realize. Your kids will imitate your habits before they listen to your words. They will handle emotions the way they saw you handle emotions. They will approach relationships the way they saw you treat their mom. They will either build faith into their lives or struggle to find it based on how you live your life. The question is what kind of example are you setting? Here's some hard data that proves parents are still the number one influence in their kids lives. Because even in today's world, data shows that kids still look to their parents more than anyone else when shaping their beliefs, values and decisions. 69% of Gen Z turn to their parents first for financial advice. 89% of young people ages 15 to 21 say their parents are their greatest influence on personal values. Only 30% of Gen Z say social media is their biggest influence. Parents still come first. That means you are their biggest role model. That means what you say and do still matters. That means even when they roll their eyes, they are still absorbing how you live. So what are you teaching them? Your kids will copy you, for better or worse. Think about these real life examples. If your kids see you react to stress with anger, they will learn to do the same. If they see you prioritize work over family, they'll assume that's normal. If they see you never apologize when you mess up, they will struggle to take responsibility in their own lives. If they see you barely talk about God, they will assume faith isn't that important. But the opposite is also true. If they see you love their mother well, they will learn to love well. If they see you admit mistakes and ask forgiveness, they will learn humility. If they see you put your faith first, they will carry that into adulthood. If they see you put family above distractions, they will learn to value relationships over screens. They are learning from you whether you mean for them to or not. The question is, are they learning what you want them to learn? Tonight, after you put your kids to bed, take five minutes and ask. If my kids were grown and telling stories about me, what would they say? What am I teaching them through my actions, not just my words. Am I building a legacy that I would be proud of? If not, today is the perfect day to start changing it because you are leaving a legacy, whether you build it by design or leave it by default. The thing about legacy is sometimes you don't see it happening in real time. But later you realize that was it. That was a moment. That was something my kid will remember about me forever. That's the thing they're going to carry forward, good or bad. And sometimes you don't realize you're leaving a legacy until it smacks you in the face. Or in my case, smacks an innocent bystander at a Chipotle. But we'll get to that in a second. Let me tell you about three moments that changed the way I think about my fatherhood. Legacy story number one. The moment I realized my kids were always watching me. Let me start by saying this. Shannon and I have an amazing marriage. We really don't argue much. We work hard to communicate and keep our faith at the center and respect each other. But let's be honest. We're human. There are days when life gets frustrating. Maybe it's stress from work. Maybe we're just tired. Maybe it's something completely stupid like, did you put the leftovers in the right container? And there was one night. I don't even remember what we were disagreeing about. But we were standing in the kitchen, talking in hushed voices, trying to keep things calm. And then I see him. Carter, standing there. His big eyes filled with worry. His tiny hands gripping his stuffed animal, his lip quivering. In that moment, my heart sank because I realized he wasn't just noticing us, he was absorbing it. I wasn't just his dad in that moment, I was shaping his entire view of relationships. I was showing him how a man treats his wife. I was teaching him, without meaning to, what love, conflict and communication looked like. And then he did something that broke me. He let go of his stuffed animal, ran over and hugged us both. Then in his sweet little voice, he said, guys, I think we should be happy now. And just like that, a four year old taught me a lesson on emotional awareness. Because the truth is, our kids are watching everything. They're watching how we handle frustration. They're watching how we show love. They're watching how we deal with stress, anger and forgiveness. And if we're not careful, we're teaching them the wrong things without even knowing it. That night, I held Shannon's hand, knelt down and told Carter, you're right, buddy. We are happy. Sometimes grownups just forget how to show it. So let me ask you, what are your kids learning from you right now? Are they learning that love means yelling? Are they learning that stress means snapping at people? Or are they learning that faith, patience and grace win the day? Because one day they're going to be husbands and wives too. And when that day comes, they'll fall back on what they saw at home. And I want my son to remember a father who handled hard moments with love and grace. The next story. The next story. The time Carter took my actions way too literally. Alright, let's lighten the mood a little bit from that last story. Because this next story is, well, we'll just say embarrassing. Let's just get this out there again. I love my wife, like a lot. I think Shannon is the most beautiful woman on the planet. And as an affectionate husband, I have unique way of showing my appreciation. I slap her butt. There, I said it. Nothing crazy, just a playful love language between a husband and wife. A little hey, you're cute. Tap. And normally I'm very careful not to do this in front of the kids. I thought I had been discreet. I thought I had explained that this was a daddy and mommy thing. I thought I Was safe. Well, one day, Carter and I are standing in line at Chipotle, waiting for our turn to order. And right in front of us is a woman in extremely tight fitting and revealing yoga pants. And then I see it. Carter gets a look. A look that no father ever wants to see. A look that my father probably saw a few times. A look that says, I have an idea. And before I could react, right on the lady's butt. Loud, public and horrifying, she whips around glaring. And she thinks I did it. I freeze. I panic. And I do the only thing I can think of. I point down the curtain like it was here. And Carter, laughing uncontrollably and hysterically. I apologize like crazy, explain that he's four years old and doesn't understand boundaries, and pray that she has a sense of humor. Thank the Lord she did. But when we get back in the car, I turn to Carter and ask, dude, what were you thinking? And his response? I thought all mommies liked that. Welp, there's my fatherhood legacy in action. Lesson learned. Our kids copy everything. Even when we think they aren't watching. Even when we think they aren't listening. Even when we think we're being discreet. So what are your kids learning from you and the third story? Something a little more heartwarming. I started doing what's called boy dates with Carter. And I plan to do them with Taylor, too, as she gets older. I don't just want to be a dad to my kids. I want to be the kind of dad they feel safe coming to, confiding in and connecting with. And that's why I started doing boy dates with Carter. Every couple of weeks, we go out, just him and me. We pick a spot and we do something fun, low pressure, and just for us. Sometimes we go to my favorite pizza place. Sometimes we go to an arcade and do go karts. Sometimes we just sit, eat and talk about life. Because here's what I know. The foundation I'm building now will determine if my son trusts me later. If I wait until he's 15, it's too late. So what are you doing today to invest in your relationship with your kids? Because if you want a strong relationship with them as adults, you have to start building it now. All right, dads, we've covered a lot today. We've talked about how legacy isn't optional. You're building one whether you mean to or not. Small, everyday moments shape your kids far more than the big ones. You have the power to rewrite the family story and break generational cycles. Faith should be at the center of your family's foundation. Fatherhood evolves. Your role shifts from commander to coach to counselor to consultant. And you are still the number one influence in your kids lives. Even when they act like they aren't listening. And now I want to leave you with some questions. Ones I want you to sit with for a moment. I want you to picture your kids 20 years from now. They're grown, they have their own families, and they're telling stories about their childhood, about you. What stories do you want them to tell? Are they talking about a dad who is always too busy for them? Are they talking about a dad who made them feel like the most important people in the world? Are they talking about a home filled with stress and distraction? Or are they talking about a home filled with love, warmth and faith? Are they talking about a dad who just told them what to do? Or are they talking about a dad who lived out the values he wanted them to learn? Your legacy is happening right now. Every moment, every interaction, every habit. What are you teaching them? So here's my challenge for you this week. For the next seven days, I want you to take one small intentional action each day to build the legacy that you want to leave. Your kids will remember what you do more than what you say. So let's start doing. And need some inspiration. Try one of these each day. Tell your kids something specific you love about them, not just I love you. Tell them why. What makes them special? What do you admire about them? Start a bedtime tradition. Maybe it's a short prayer, a story, or even a goofy handshake. Something small that makes them feel secure and loved. Ask your child, what's one thing I could do to be a better dad? And when they answer, you really listen. Write them a short letter or note. Hide it in their lunchbox, backpack or pillow. Be fully present at dinner. No phones, no tv, Just conversation. Apologize if you need to. If you've lost your temper recently or made a mistake, a own it. Show them what humility looks like. Share a faith moment. Talk to them about something God has done in your life and remind them that he's working in their lives too. You don't have to change the world overnight. You just have to start. And if you do this every day, imagine the legacy you'll leave behind. Dads, I want to remind you, your kids will remember you. Your actions today are writing the story they'll tell tomorrow. So the question is, what kind of story are you writing? And speaking of legacies, why did the dad write his will in pencil because he wanted to leave a sketchy legacy. Okay, I'll see myself out. Bye Bye. Thank you for joining me on another episode of the Grateful Dad Podcast. If this episode spoke to you, challenged you, or made you laugh, do me a favor. Leave a review. Share it with another dad. Click on the notifications bell so you always get notified when I put a new episode up. And join me next time as we dive even deeper into intentional fatherhood. And until then, show up, be present and stay grateful. Sa.