EP7: Watch Your Language: The Words That Build, Break, and Bless

Your words are building something—are you paying attention to what? In this episode, Ryan dives into the power of our words to shape identity, heal wounds, and leave lasting legacies. From parenting to prayer, conflict to confidence, this one will challenge you to speak life with every sentence. Plus, a stranger’s prophetic message at a gas station, and one seriously corny dad joke.

Transcript

Speaker A: 0:00

Welcome back to the Grateful Dad Podcast, where we speak life into fatherhood, marriage, manhood, and everything in between. Now, I gotta warn you up front. This episode, it's gonna hit deep. It's all about words. The ones we say, the ones we hear, the ones we believe, and maybe most importantly, the ones we don't even realize are shaping us. And if you're anything like me, maybe you've already learned this lesson the hard way. Through the silence after a harsh word. The look on your kid's face when you said too much or not enough. Or that moment when your wife walks away and you are left with nothing but a pile of words that can't be unsaid. Yep, this one's personal. Today we're talking about how words aren't just something. They are everything. God created the entire universe with words. He spoke light into darkness, and he gave you and me that same divine gift, the power to speak life or death. We'll dive into how your words are shaping your child's identity and how quickly that can go sideways. Silence can be holy, but it can also be holy, harmful. And how sometimes your words don't just echo into a room, they echo through generations. We'll unpack the real science behind why our brains attach to certain phrases. And how the things you say today may become the soundtrack to your kids lives tomorrow. And yes, we're going to laugh, cry, and probably say ouch together a few times, because this one hits a little close. So whether you're in the car, walking the dog, or hiding in the garage with a cup of coffee, this episode is for every dad, husband, son, friend, co worker, and maybe even an enemy who's ever wrestled with what came out of his mouth. This is more than just a podcast episode. This is a recalibration of how we speak to the people we love, the people we lead, and the person we see in the mirror. So buckle up, because today, we're not just talking about words. We're talking about what your words are building. Let's get into it, foreign fellas, it's time for dad News. You can use. And this one right here, this is a story you won't quickly forget. So meet Billy Ward, a retired high school football coach from New Jersey. For decades, Billy was known for coaching championship teams. But what really made his name legendary wasn't a scoreboard. It was his locker room speeches. You see, every Friday night before kickoff, Coach Ward would stand in front of his team, and he wouldn't talk about plays or stats. He'd talk about Character, about manhood, about who they were becoming. And he had one line he'd say before every single game, your name isn't just a label. It's a legacy. Play like your last name matters. Year after year, dozens, hundreds of teenage boys heard those words. Some listened. Some rolled their eyes. But one of those boys was Billy's own son, Will. Fast forward to 2022. Coach Ward is now retired. Will is in his 30s, a new dad himself. And one day, Will walks into his dad's garage, sits down, and tells him something that would wreck Billy in the best way. Will says, dad, I just had to tell you the words you said. All those years in the locker room. I didn't just play like my last name mattered. I live like it does every single day. Let me tell you, Coach Ward, the tough as nails gridiron guy, broke down sobbing right there on the garage stool next to his tool bench. Because for all the wins, all the trophies and all the game film, those 14 words from his son were the greatest reward of his entire life. That, my brothers, is the power of words. Words that echo for decades. Words that shape not just the moment, but the man. Words that stick to your ribs like a meal you didn't know you were hungry for. And just like Coach Ward, you don't need a microphone or a stadium to preach. You've got a pulpit every day. In the car ride to school, at the dinner table, during bedtime, prayers, after a tough game, and in the middle of a hard moment. And here's the kicker. Someone is always listening, someone is always remembering, and someone's always becoming something based on what you say. So what, are you speaking into them? Are your words just noise or are they becoming their narrative? That's the question, brothers. And it leads us perfectly into what we're about to break wide open. The big mindset shift. Because if our words are shaping legacies, then we better get intentional about what they're building. Shift number one. You're always preaching, and your words define the world. Let me lay this one down early, because it might just be the most important truth we'll drop today. You're always preaching. Your words. They don't just describe things. They define things. Preaching doesn't just happen on Sundays behind a pulpit. It happens in the kitchens, cars, checkout lines, and especially your home. And guess what? You're not preaching just with the big stuff. You're preaching with your tone, your sarcasm, your jokes, your reactions, and even your silence. You're preaching with what you say to your kids when they mess up. What you say to your wife when she's hurt, what you say about yourself when you look in the mirror, what you post on social media when you're frustrated with the world. Every one of those things preaches something to someone. And if we're not intentional, we might be preaching lies without even realizing it. So here's where it gets even heavier. Words don't just describe reality. They define it. God didn't say there might be light someday. He said, let there be light. And the universe responded. Because words spoken with authority and faith create. Now, let's get real. What have your words been creating lately? What kind of sermons are you preaching to your kids? What definitions are you giving your family? When you say you always mess things up, your child hears, I'm a failure. When you say, why can't you be more like so and so, your child hears, I'm not enough. When you say, you've got what it takes, they hear, I'm capable. When you say, I love you. No matter what they hear, I'm secure. Now I want to flip it back on you, dad. What sermons were preached over you growing up? What words are still echoing in your mind from first grade, high school, or your first breakup? And what do those words still define in your life today? Seriously, think about this. What were you told when you failed? What was said during your biggest mistakes? What did you hear about emotions? Manhood? Purpose? Did those words bring healing or did they plant doubt? And here's the twist. You might be unintentionally preaching those same definitions to your kids right now. Because unhealed words have a sneaky way of turning into recycled sermons. Let's go one level deeper. Social media is one massive pulpit. People go on Facebook or Instagram to preach their politics, parenting tips, passive aggressive posts, and whatever else they want to declare. But most people don't realize their digital footprint is a spiritual megaphone. Those memes you share, those rants you post, those funny reels dripping with sarcasm. What are they preaching? Now? Imagine your kids 30 years from now, scrolling back through your timeline, reading every word you thought would be forgotten. What message will they find? And now back to your own words. Today, if your words are writing the dictionary your children will use to define themselves, what definitions are you giving them? Because every word we speak is a building block. We're either building a stronghold of faith and truth or a fortress of fear and lies. So here's the challenge for every dad. Be the preacher who speaks life. Be the father who defines identity in love. Be the man whose Silence is thoughtful and whose words carry healing. Your kids are listening, your wife is listening, and your own soul is listening too. So preach well, my brother. Preach with purpose and define your legacy one word at a time. Shift number two. What you let in will eventually come out. All right, so we've established that our words are servants. They define, they shape, they build or destroy. But now it's time to answer the deeper question. Where are those words even coming from? Because here's the truth. What you let in will eventually come out. You can't pour out encouragement if you've only been drinking in criticism. You can't speak peace over your home if chaos is what you've been feeding on all day and you can't overflow with truth if lies have been soaking into your heart non stop. Now, I'm not just talking about scripture here, though we're going to hit that hard in a second. I'm talking about everything. The songs you play in the car, the shows you binge late at night, the conversations you entertain, the voices you allow to influence you online or offline. Let me ask you something. Do you think the words coming out of your mouth are random? They're not. They're rooted in whatever you've been giving access to your heart. Let's make it plain and simple. If your social feed is filled with sarcasm, outrage and drama, don't be surprised when your words start sounding sarcastic, angry and dramatic. If the music you play is all about violence, lust and pride, the don't be shocked if you start feeling more aggressive, more disconnected, or more selfish. If your favorite shows normalize cheating, betrayal, gossip and disrespect, guess what? It's going to feel a whole lot easier to let that seep into your relationships. And before you know it, you're not speaking God's word anymore. You're speaking the world's word on autopilot. And here's the wild part. Your brain loves repetition. It will replay what it hears most often until it becomes your truth. That's cognitive priming. It's the science behind the songs you can't get out of your head and the phrases you start repeating without realizing it. Like how every dad in the 90s started saying, I'll be back, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or how every millennial male reflexively shouts emotional damage in a TikTok voice. I did that pretty good. You've been there. So have I. But let's take that same concept and flip it on its head for good. What if we filled our ears and eyes with the Truth instead. What if we were so immersed in God's word, God's people, and God's truth, that it just started coming out of us like second nature? What if our default voice sounded like worship? What if our conversation sounded like scripture? What if your tone reflected heaven and not just habit? I'm not saying go live in a cave with your Bible and a banjo, guys. I'm saying be mindful of the marinade. Because whatever you're soaking in is what you're seasoning. Your family with your kids are getting their flavor from you. Your spouse feels the temperature of your tone. Your co workers feel friends and even strangers at the grocery store. They're picking up on your atmosphere. So here's the question. What are you letting guide your words? Because just like a GPS system, your input determines your route. You don't just trust every GPS app, do you? Some are outdated, some take you the long way, some straight up get you lost. So why would you trust every voice you hear in culture, media, music, or your buddy's hot take on Instagram? It's time to ask, is God's word my default navigation system or my backup plan when I'm lost? Let it be your guide. Let it be the soundtrack that replays in your head. Let it be the language you speak. So when the pressure's on, peace comes out. Because here's the final thought. You can only preach what you practice. So let's practice soaking in truth so we can speak it with love, live it with strength, and father with faith. Shift number three. In the heat of the moment, words can burn or build. All right, this one's gonna get real. I want you to think about the last time you got mad. Not mildly irritated. I'm talking red in the face, clenched jaw ready to snap kind of mad. Maybe it was your kid disrespecting you. Maybe it was your wife saying something that triggered that one nerve. Maybe it was your co worker pushing your limits or your dad pushing your buttons. Now let me ask you this. What words came out of your mouth in that moment? Were they measured, thoughtful, peace seeking? Or were they weaponized? Because here's the truth that I've learned the hard way. And maybe you have. Too. Many of us use our words to win the fight instead of heal the wound. We treat conflict like a battlefield. In our words, they become arrows, grenades, and landmines. We don't stop to ask, will this build my marriage? We ask, will this shut her up? We don't ask, will this teach my child? We say, will this make Them obey right now. But at what cost? Because here's what happens. You say something and it lands wrong. It stings, it scars. And even if you apologize, those words don't disappear. It's like squeezing toothpaste onto the counter, trying to put it back in the tube. It just doesn't work. Those words stay in their minds, playing on repeat. And in many cases, they become their internal narrative. I'm annoying. I'm a screw up. Dad doesn't respect Mom. Dad thinks I'm a failure. That's the collateral damage of the heat of the moment. Words. But it doesn't stop there. Because those same words, they shape you too. How many times have you said something in anger only to be haunted by it later? That's because words don't just affect the receiver, they affect the speaker.

Two Proverbs, 18: 16:37

21 says it clearly. The tongue has the power of life and death. Life and death in your mouth. So what do we do with that power? We start owning this truth. It's not enough to avoid the wrong words. We have to choose the right ones. That means doing something most men hate doing. Slowing down. It means stopping mid argument and asking, am I speaking out of pride or peace? Am I trying to win or trying to love? Would I want someone to speak to me like this? If the answer is no, then it's time to pause. Sometimes silence is the most Christlike move you can make. Better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Proverbs via Grandpa? Probably. But silence isn't the end game. The end game is peace. Let me say that again. God doesn't just call us to be kind. He doesn't just call us to forgive or to tolerate. He calls us to make peace. And peace often begins with your tone, your timing, and your decision to step away, breathe, and come back with words that heal, not harm. Let me give you a quick analogy. Imagine your family as a forest. Your words are either watering the trees or lighting them on fire. You don't get to do both at the same time. So the next time that heat rises, decide. Do I want to burn this place to the ground or build it up? Speak life. Speak peace. Speak like the man of God your family needs you to be. Because the world already has enough. Men who rage, explode, and then apologize. Once the damage is done. Be different. Be a grateful dad. Shift number four. Check the gps. What's guiding your words? Okay, let's bring this one home, metaphorically and literally. Let me paint a picture for you. You're driving in a new city. You've got your wife next to you in the passenger seat, the kids are in the back, and you're trying to find your Airbnb. You're relying on your GPS to guide the way. Now imagine if halfway through the drive, you realize you put in the wrong address. It doesn't matter how smooth your turns are or how calm your voice is in traffic. If your directions are wrong, you're going to end up at the wrong destination. Now apply that to your words. If your words are being guided by fear, insecurity, anger, or culture instead of truth, faith and peace, you're always going to be way off course. So the question is, what GPS are you using? Is it the algorithm on your feed that podcast host you listen to more than you pray? The pain from your past that keeps rerouting you with bitterness? Is it the voice of your own pride yelling louder than God's whisper? Or are you letting God's word set your route? Guess what, guys? God's word is the only GPS that never glitches. It doesn't lose signal in hard times. It also doesn't reroute to avoid uncomfortable terrain. Funny enough, it leads you through the valley, not around it. That's what I want. Guiding my words. And here's the kicker. If God's not welcome into every room in your life, he can't guide every word out of your mouth. So here's where it gets fun. Let's go back to that house metaphor from last episode. Most of us invite God to the front door of our life like a guest. Come in, Lord. Take a look around. Just don't open any drawers. But God doesn't want to be your guest. He wants to be home. That means he gets the remote. He knows the WI FI password. He drinks the last soda and leaves the empty can on the counter. And he knows the combo to your safe. Because when God is home in your life, when His Word is your gps, your words will start sounding different. You won't just sound wise, you'll sound anchored. You'll speak with peace and panic and love, in conflict and grace and correction. You'll start sounding a lot more like Jesus. And that's the goal, isn't it? To be his voice echoing through your home, so that when your kids grow up and hear your words playing back in their heads, they're really hearing His. So if you've been feeling off course, maybe it's not your words that are broken. Maybe it's your GPS time to update the destination and get aligned. Time to invite God into the passenger seat, or if I may boldly say, maybe even in the driver's seat, because where your words are headed, your family's hearts will follow. Now it's time for me to open up a little bit and give you some of my stories that really kind of landed this whole concept for me. And the first one is the day I heard my son preach what I had been teaching. So a few months ago, Shannon and I, we were having a hard time with Carter's behavior. He was struggling with emotions at school, at home, even at church. We were doing our best to coach him through it, talking to him, praying with him, preparing him beforehand for how to respond when he felt overwhelmed. We thought we were helping, but we weren't paying attention to the words we were choosing. See, we would say things like, hey, buddy, if you get upset again today, remember, take a deep breath, smell the roses, and blow out the candles. Let's not get in trouble again, okay? Those words sound fine, maybe even encouraging. But on this one particular Sunday, after dropping him off at church, we picked him up, and we were told he had a rough time. And when we told Carter he wasn't going to get the good thing that he normally gets after church, he broke down in tears and hysterically cried and said, I knew this was going to happen. I knew I was going to be bad, y'all. That sentence crushed me, because suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. The person who taught him to expect failure was me. Even though I thought I was helping him avoid misbehavior, my words were shaping his identity. He wasn't just hearing correction. He was hearing prophecy and believing it. That was the day I realized something huge. Our words don't just prepare our kids for life. They predict it. If we're not careful, we end up speaking things over our kids that were never meant to be part of their story. So Shannon and I made a shift that day. We stopped focusing on his behavior and started speaking directly to his identity. We started saying things like, you're gentle, you're kind. You're a great listener. You're learning to handle your emotions, and we're so proud of who you are. You know what happened? His behavior, like, almost immediately changed, and our relationship grew, and his confidence returned like wildfire. Because when we changed the words, we changed the story. This next story happened less than a week ago, when words healed me from a complete and total stranger. And keyword being strange. But, yeah, maybe we'll call it a divine appointment. Now I Still don't have all the words to express this moment because it just happened, but I'm going to do my best here. This was a moment when God used someone I had never seen before in a place I rarely go to at a time I was not supposed to be there to speak. Words so powerful and precise, they pierced right through all the doubt, stress and fear I had been wrestling with. Let me back up for a second. For the past month or two, Shannon and I have been sitting on something big. A dream, an opportunity that feels so right in so many ways, and something we've prayed about, something we've hoped for. And while it looks like an incredible blessing on the surface, it also comes with a lot of change, a lot of unknowns and a lot of pressure. And that's when the doubt started creeping in. I started asking, is this me or is this God? Am I willing this into existence and just asking God to co sign it? Or is this truly his will for our lives? And I'd been praying about it hard. I'd been asking God to speak, to slam the door shut if it wasn't right, and to guide me if it was. But I wasn't hearing Him. Not clearly. And then the enemy started trying to get loud. He used some people around me to start planting seeds of doubt. Not in an obvious way, but in that subtle, sneaky way the enemy likes to work. Fast forward to a Wednesday morning from. Well, we'll say not Heaven. One of our guys lost a critical piece of equipment for a major job we had that day. I had to scramble to fix the situation driving a work truck that was practically on E and my wife's car was in the shop, so I didn't even have my own truck. And everyone on the road felt like they were driving to test my patience. And they were testing it pretty good. But still, I kept my cool. I told myself, God is in this. Every delay, every detour, he's in it. I finally got to the store, bought the equipment, and stopped at a random gas station next door to fill up the truck. As I was on the phone with a project manager from the job site, I put the gas nozzle in and then got distracted by some more stressful updates from the job site. As I was continuing to talk to the project manager, I started the van and began to drive away because I needed to get to the job site to fix the problems. Well, the thing that I didn't realize was that the gas pump was still in the truck. So thankfully they have those quick disconnects But I ripped the hose off of the gas pump as I'm on the phone with the project manager. And finally I tell the project manager. I'm like, hey, just ripped the gas pump hose off. So I'll have to deal with your problem shortly because I have to go deal with this immediate problem now, which is going. And tell the gas station clerk that I just broke his pump. At this point, I had every reason to lose it. But instead, I took a deep breath, walked inside, and told the clerk what happened. And that is when God spoke from across the store. This vibrant woman I've never seen before locks eyes with me and yells, hey, is that your work truck? She points directly at it. I said, yup, that's me. She says, oh, my gosh, I've been seeing you everywhere. You have to come see me before you leave. I have good news. Now I'm thinking, what just happened? I walk outside with the owner to deal with the pump situation, and this same woman comes right up to me. And then she begins speaking. Not in generalities, not in a spiritual buzzword kind of way, but with specificity and with authority and with a direct line to what I had been praying about for weeks. She said, the Lord told me to tell you the blessing you've been praying about is. It's coming. The dream is yours. He's going to continue pouring blessings into your life, and everything that feels uncertain right now is exactly how he planned it. I was stunned. I didn't even know what to say. She had no idea what I was walking through. No idea I had been praying for this exact thing. No idea that I felt like I was drifting between doubt and disbelief. But somehow, she had all the right words. Words I had needed. Words I had begged God to speak, Words that healed me in a way I didn't even know I needed a healing. I got in that truck. I called Shannon. I told her what happened. And then I broke down in tears. Not because I had clarity, but because I had peace. Because in that moment, God reminded me that I am worthy. Not because of who I am, but because of who he is. And that the same voice that spoke the world into motion chose a gas station prophet on a random Wednesday to speak life into me. Friends, if that doesn't show you the power of words, I don't know what will. And here's the crazy part. If I had let frustration win the day, if I had taken a different route, if I had lost my patience and skipped the pump, I would have totally missed the message. But God knew he always knows. Alright, brothers, before we close this episode, let's breathe this in for a moment. We've talked about the power of words. Not just as tools for communication, but as weapons of war, as bridges to healing, as anchors for our families, and as declarations of faith. God created the universe with words. He declared, let there be light. And there was light. And here you are, made in his image with that same divine power resting in your voice. So let me ask you a few hard but honest questions. If someone transcribed every word you've spoken in the past week, what story would it tell? What would it say about your priorities, your emotions, your relationships, and your faith? What are your kids learning from what you say? Not just to them, but to yourself, about yourself, about others. Because those quiet whispers are often the loudest ones echoing in our minds. Are you building up or tearing down? Because every word you speak, intentionally or not, preaches it's declaring something. And guess what? Your family is listening, your friends are listening, and your heart is listening. So here's the final takeaway. Words don't just describe the world. They define it. They create the world we live in and shape the legacy we leave behind. So what's guiding your words? Are they coming from the truth of God's word or from broken scripts of this world? Are you letting TikTok Talk radio, your buddies at the bar, or a podcast host shape the soundtrack of your soul? Or are you lining your voice with the voice? Because when God speaks, things change. And when you speak aligned with him, so will you. So here's the challenge. Starting the moment this episode ends, I challenge you to go 24 hours doing this. Monitor every word to your kids, your spouse, your friends, yourself, and even total strangers. Track the tone. Is it helpful? Is it hopeful? Is it healing? Or is it harmful, passive, angry or sarcastic? Redirect the script. Anytime you catch yourself speaking from emotion or ego. Pause and pivot. Replace it with words that bring peace, truth or love. Bonus move. Write down one powerful declaration you'll repeat every morning this week, maybe it's I speak peace into my home. I use my words to lift, not to crush. My kids will know my love by how I talk to them. God, guide my mouth and guard my heart. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. It doesn't have to be long. It just has to be true. Now, before we roll out, you know I can't close without one of the finest Moe's cheddar dripping dad jokes in my arsenal. I know they're corny, but embrace the cringe. It's part of the gig, guys, so here it goes. Why did the thesaurus break up with the dictionary? It just didn't feel like they were on the same page. Yeah, I know. Wordplay is my love language. See you later, guys. If this episode challenged you, encouraged you, or just made you laugh a little, share it with a brother, a coworker, another dad who might need to hear these words. Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode and turn on notifications so you get a nudge when new wisdom drops. And if you haven't already, leave a review. Your words, yes, your words can help this podcast reach the next dad who's just trying to get it right. Also, together, let's keep building a community of grateful, imperfect, but intentional fathers. Because your words matter, your voice matters, and your legacy is being written right now, one word at a time. Until next time, stay strong, stay present, and above all, stay grateful.