The Weight We Carry: Forgiveness, Fatherhood, and Freedom

What if the thing holding you back from peace… was something you’ve been carrying for years? In this deeply personal and soul-stirring episode, Ryan unpacks the truth about forgiveness—not the easy kind, but the real kind. The kind that costs you comfort but sets you free. We talk about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, what resentment does to your soul, and why choosing to let go isn’t weakness—it’s strength in its purest form. From real stories to hard-earned wisdom, this is a message for every dad who’s tired of hurting, tired of hiding, and ready to heal.

Because peace doesn’t come from payback. It comes from surrender.

Transcript

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Hey, brothers. Today's not going to be easy. But it's going to be necessary. Because today we're going to talk about something most of us dads would rather walk barefoot across a field of Legos than deal with. Forgiveness. And not just the quick kind. The kind you mumble because it's what you're supposed to say. I mean, real forgiveness. The kind that makes your hands shake, the kind that makes your throat tight. The kind that forces you to confront what or who still owns real estate in your heart. See, we've been taught to be fixers. We fix broken toys. We fix leaking pipes. We fix what we can with what we have. But what about the stuff we can't fix? What about the things that broke us? What about the dad who walked out? The mom who wounded us with words that still echo decades later? The betrayal of someone we loved. The version of ourselves we still can't look at in the mirror? What if you've been carrying a story of pain that's been shaping your life, your faith, your marriage, and your parenting without even realizing it? And what if the key to freedom wasn't fixing it, but forgiving it? Because forgiveness isn't for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness is for you so you can finally breathe again. In this episode, we're diving deep. We're going to talk about the lies men believe about forgiveness. That it makes you weak, that it means you forget, that it means you're okay with what happened. We'll talk about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. And we'll talk about how God doesn't ask us to fix ourselves before coming to Him. He just says, come, I'll do the fixing. If you've ever laid awake at night thinking about the pain you hide from everyone else, if you've ever clenched your jaw instead of your fist just to keep the peace. If you've ever felt like you've forgiven someone only for the wound to be ripped open again and again, then you're not alone, brother. And today, we're going to sit in that together. We're not here to slap a Bible verse on your trauma and move on. We're here to unpack it, to process it, and to make peace with the parts of your story that we've been too afraid to look at. Because that peace, that healing, it starts today. Let's walk this road together. Let's talk about the hardest fix and the freedom that's waiting on the other side of it. Sam. All right, so for dad news you can use, it's time for another Story. And not just any story. This one will rock you to your core. Because what you're about to hear might just dismantle your entire definition of forgiveness. Because I know it did for me. Picture this. It's 1944. A cattle car lurches to a stop at Auschwitz, Poland. The doors swing open and terror greets them in the form of barking dogs, guns and screaming soldiers. Among the frightened prisoners are two 10 year old twin girls, Ava and Miriam Moses. They've just been torn from their family and thrust into one of the darkest corners of human history. The **** death camps. Ava and her sister are not ordinary prisoners. They're twins. And that makes them valuable to Dr. Joseph Mengele, the so called angel of death, who uses twins for his horrific medical experiments. For nine long months, Ava is injected with unknown substances. Her body swells, her limbs ache. Her, her organs shut down. At one point, a **** doctor tells her she has two weeks to live. But Eva, she doesn't die. She fights. She survives. She walks out of that camp in 1945 weighing just 35 pounds. But this story isn't about what they did to her body. It's about what happened to her soul decades later. Because while her body eventually healed, her soul stayed in chains. For 50 years, Eva carried the scars of Auschwitz not just on her skin, but in her spirit. Anger, bitterness. The relentless why echoing in her bones. How could anyone forgive something like that? How could she forgive something like that? And then something changed. In 1995, on the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, Ava made a decision that would shock the world. She decided to forgive the Nazis. Let me say that again. She forgave the Nazis. She didn't do it for them. She did it for herself. She said, I realized I had the power to forgive. No one could give me that power. No one could take it away. It was mine and only mine. And it gave me back my life. Eva met with former Nazis. She wrote a letter of forgiveness. She read it aloud at Auschwitz. And in that moment, standing on the same soil where she nearly died as a child, she set herself free. Some people criticized her. They said she was letting the Nazis off the hook. But Eva said no. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It's not about excusing. It's about releasing the pain so it doesn't poison you anymore. Guys, hear me. This woman lost everything and still chose forgiveness. Why? Because she realized something that so many of us miss. Forgiveness isn't about what they did. It's about what we choose. It's not about setting them free. It's about setting ourselves free. Ava's story isn't just a history lesson. It's a soul lesson. And if a survivor of Auschwitz can forgive the people who stole her family, her childhood, and her health, then maybe, just maybe, we can forgive the people who wounded us, too. Even if they never say sorry, even if they don't deserve it, even if we still feel the sting. Because forgiveness isn't about them. It's about us and the life we get back when we finally lay down the weight. Man, Ava's story, it shakes you, doesn't it? It wrecks the part of you that's still holding on to anger like it's a shield. It makes your excuses for unforgiveness feel small. And it confronts the question most of us are too scared to answer. If she can forgive that, what's still stopping me? I know what you might be thinking, but, Ryan, you don't know what they did to me. You're right. I don't. But I know what unforgiveness does to you. It turns a single moment of pain into a lifetime sentence. It hands the steering wheel of your story to the very person that tried to wreck you, and it poisons the good things in your life because you're still bleeding from something or someone that left you wounded years ago. You know what Ava said after she forgave? I felt strong. I felt good. I felt free. Guys, that's not weakness. That's strength. That's freedom. That's a soul no longer in shackles. And you know what really gets me? She didn't wait for the people who hurt her to be sorry. She didn't need an apology or reconciliation or closure. She made peace with her past by making a choice in her present. And that brings me to you. Maybe it's not Auschwitz. Maybe it's not a war. Maybe it's a father who walked out, a mother who never saw you, a friend who betrayed you, a spouse who hurt you with words that still echo. Maybe it's you, the man in the mirror, who you can't forgive. But here's the truth you've got to face. You can't carry purpose if your hands are full of pain. You can't find peace while dragging the chains of the past. And you can't step into what God's calling you to be until you finally put down what he's been asking you to let go of. This isn't about forgetting. This isn't about letting anyone off the hook. This is about getting Your life back, your joy back, your peace back. This is about making your soul the priority, not the grudge. And if Ava could do it, so can you. So as we move into these mindset shifts, I want you to keep this question in your heart. What pain have I been holding on to that God's been asking me to hand over? And let's talk about that. Shift number one. Forgiveness isn't saying it's okay. It's saying I'm okay. Guys, let's get one thing straight here. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean what they did was right. It doesn't mean you have to let them back in. And it definitely doesn't mean you have to pretend that you weren't hurt. Forgiveness is not approval. It's not permission. It's protection. You see, when you carry that weight around. Resentment, bitterness, the replay of they never should have done that to me. You're not protecting yourself. You're poisoning yourself. And here's the kicker. The person who hurt you, they've likely moved on. They're not the one waking up with anxiety. They're not the one lying awake at night reliving the betrayal. You are. You're bleeding from a wound they caused, but now you're the one keeping it open. That's why forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. It's you taking back your power. It's you saying, I refuse to let this moment rob me of one more day of peace. It's you telling the devil you don't get to hold this over me anymore. Forgiveness doesn't say you win. It says you no longer have control over my life. Listen to me, guys. Forgiveness doesn't mean the storm never happened. It just means it no longer shakes you the way it used to. It means you can walk through the ashes of what broke you and still build something beautiful. You're not saying what happened was okay. You're saying I'm okay now because I refuse to stay broken. I didn't get an apology, but I gave myself permission to heal. They may never fix what they broke, but I don't have to stay shattered. So today, maybe for the first time ever, let's start pulling those pieces back together. Not to forget what happened, but to stop letting it define what happens next. Forgiveness doesn't erase the story. It just lets you start writing a new chapter. Shift number two. Let's say something out loud that most people are too afraid to admit. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is between you And God. Reconciliation is between you and them. And you don't need both to be free. You can forgive someone and still block their number. You can forgive someone and still walk away. You can forgive someone and never let them close enough to hurt you again. Let's be honest here. Some people are unsafe. Some people haven't changed. Some people are still toxic. And inviting them back into your life in the name of forgiveness isn't holy. It's harmful. Listen, boundaries are biblical. Even Jesus walked away from people. Even Jesus flipped tables when people disrespected the sacred. And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is protect your peace. Forgiveness is about cleaning your heart. Reconciliation is about deciding who gets access to your heart again. And don't let anybody shame you for separating the two. I've had people hurt me so deeply, so repeatedly that the only thing I could offer them was my silence and prayers from a distance. And I wrestled with that for a long time because I thought forgiveness meant restoration. But here's the truth. Forgiveness is about releasing them from your judgment. Reconciliation is about reevaluating their role in your life. And some people, they don't get a front row seat in your life just because you've healed. Let me speak this into your soul. If you've been needing to hear it, you can forgive them and never speak to them again. You can love them with the love of Jesus and still never trust them again. And you can grieve what was lost and still guard what God is building inside of you. Forgiveness frees your heart. Boundaries protect your future. So if you're struggling with the idea that forgiving someone means going back to what was, hear me out. You are not obligated to rebuild something that God himself may have helped tear down. Let forgiveness be your release. Let wisdom be your guide, and let peace be your prize. Shift three. Let's just tell it like it is. Most men don't walk around with tears in their eyes. We walk around with a storm in our chest. And for a lot of us, that storm has a name. Maybe it's your dad who never showed up, or your mom who hurt you more than she helped you. Maybe it's your ex, your boss, your brother, childhood trauma. Whoever or whatever it is, you've been carrying it for years, thinking you're protecting yourself by holding onto it. But what you're really doing, you're drinking poison, hoping that they feel the pain. Unforgiveness doesn't make you strong. It makes you sick. It warps your thinking. It tightens your chest and it hardens your heart, not just toward them, but toward everyone. You want to know why you snap at your wife? Why you're distant from your kids? Why you don't trust anyone even when they haven't hurt you? Because there's something unresolved deep inside of you. And no matter how many doors you slam on it, God knows it's still in the house. You've convinced yourself that it's better to bury it than to deal with it. But listen to me. What you bury alive doesn't stay buried. It leaks. It spills. It seeps into your marriage, into your parenting, into your peace. You think you're guarding your heart, but you're actually building a prison around it. And here's the real danger. Unforgiveness doesn't just poison your peace. It poisons your purpose. It delays your destiny. It blinds you to blessings. It ties you to the worst moment of your past and dares you to live it like it's still happening. Guys, hear me. You will never live in freedom where. While you keep someone else locked inside your bitterness. And I know what you're thinking, but, Ryan, what they did hurt. It was wrong. It still affects me. I get it. I feel it. But you holding onto it won't rewrite the past. All it does is rob your present and ruin your future. Forgiveness isn't pretending it didn't happen. It's deciding it won't happen own you anymore. It's not saying it's okay. It's saying I'm not going to be defined by this anymore. Forgiveness is how you get you back. It's how you breathe again, how you laugh again, how you love without fear again. You want to be a free man. You want to be a whole dad. You want to be the husband that actually shows up, emotionally present. Then you have to lay the weapon down, the one you've been gripping with white knuckles, because it's not protecting you. It's bleeding you out. Let it go, brother. Not for them. For you. Shift four. Forgiveness isn't weakness. It's war. Let's kill the lie right, right now. Forgiveness is not for the fragile. It's not soft. It's not passive. It's not letting somebody get away with it. No, no, no, no. Forgiveness is a fight. But the enemy isn't the person who hurts you. It's the person you become when you don't let it go. I used to think forgiving someone meant that they won. That they got to sleep at night while I carried the pain. That if I Forgave them. It meant what they did was okay. But you know what I've learned? Forgiveness doesn't say you win. Forgiveness says you no longer control me. It's declaring war on the bitterness. It's going to battle for your peace. It's fighting for your future. You want to talk about strength? Jesus hung on a cross, betrayed, beaten and mocked, and said, father, forgive them. That's not weakness. That's not cowardice. That is unshakable, unbreakable, divine power. And if you think forgiveness is for the weak, let me ask you, why is doing it so dang hard? Why is it easier to hold the grudge than to open your hands? Because the enemy wants you bound. Because freedom terrifies him. Because forgiveness is the beginning of healing. And healed men are dangerous to darkness, to lies, and to generational cycles. So when you choose to forgive, you're not just releasing a person, you're releasing your own soul. You're taking back your identity. You're reclaiming your role as a father, as a husband, and as a man of God. And here's something no one tells you. Sometimes forgiveness has to happen without the apology. Let that sink in. You may never get the I'm sorry that you've been so eagerly and desperately waiting for. You may never get an explanation. But guess what? You still get to be free. You still get to look at that wound in the face and say, you don't get to own me anymore. That's not weakness. That's warfare. So if you're standing in the rubble of a broken relationship and wondering if forgiveness is even worth it, look around. Look at your kids. Look at your marriage. Look at your peace. Are they worth fighting for? Then fight shift number five. Who's guiding your words? And who's guiding your wounds? Alright, guys, it's time to ask the question most men don't want to ask. Who's driving this ship? I'm not just talking about your family. I'm talking about your heart, your healing, your forgiveness, your words, your direction. Because here's the hard truth. Most of us are running life with a broken GPS and wondering why we keep ending up in places we never wanted to go. And just like a GPS needs a satellite to guide it, your spirit needs something greater than you to guide it too. Let me hit you with this. You can't expect your life to move in the direction of peace. If the voice guiding you is still rooted in pain, let that sink in. Some of us are still following the directions written by people who hurt us. We're still speaking words. They spoke to us. We're still believing. Maps they handed to us when we were kids. You're not good enough. You always mess things up. You'll never change. Nobody really cares what you feel. Sound familiar? And we wonder why we feel lost. Here's the truth. You can't follow a broken voice to a healed destination. If you're driving through life and the navigation is built from bitterness, guess what route you'll take every time. The one that feels safest, but not the one that leads. The freedom. So here's the pivot. Fix your eyes on God. Let his word be your turn by turn. Because God isn't just a gps. He's the map maker. He knows every detour, every construction zone, every dark alley. And when you let his voice guide you, you don't just arrive. You arrive whole. You arrive free. You arrive with peace. You. You arrived with scars that turned into stories. Look, I don't know what voice has been guiding your forgiveness journey. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it's shame. Maybe it's pain dressed up as strength. But if you're ready to find peace, you've got to change your source before you can change your course. Let God be your voice. Let healing, not hurt, be your compass. And when that voice of vengeance whispers back in your ear, when that old wound tries to chart your next move, you say, nah, I'm not driving with you anymore. I've got new directions now. All right, I'm going to get real vulnerable with you guys here for a minute. I don't remember the first person I ever forgave. Do you? Do you remember the first person you ever forgave? I don't. But I do remember the first person I tried to forget. Because forgetting is easier, right? Just bury it deep enough and convince yourself it doesn't hurt anymore. Push it down, pack it away, lock it tight, and throw the key into a sea of. I'm fine. That's what I did. There were things that happened to me when I was too young to understand them. Things that no child should ever have to process. And there were people in my life, trusted people who failed to protect me. Some who hurt me and others who looked away. So I built a box for it all. A lockbox in my heart labeled do not open. And for years, I lived like it wasn't there. I got good at functioning. Good at smiling, good at being strong. Until one day, I realized something terrifying. The lockbox wasn't just holding my pain. It was holding me back. It showed up in my Relationships. In the way I pulled away from people I loved. In the way I reacted when I felt disrespected, unimportant or unseen. It showed up in the way that I disciplined my kids, in the way I interpreted silence as judgment or affection as manipulation. And that's when it hit me. I hadn't healed. I had just gotten used to the limp. And if I didn't open the box, really open it, I was going to pass it down. The pain I didn't ask for was going to become the legacy I never intended. So I cracked open the lid, and I let God see what I thought made me unlovable. The memories, the shame, the unanswered questions. The people I had mentally exiled to protect myself. And slowly, painfully, through prayer, tears and processing, I forgave. Not because they earned it, not because I forgot, but because God showed me something I couldn't unsee. You can't receive the peace of God with a fist still clenched around the past. Forgiveness didn't erase what happened, but it loosened the grip it had on me. It made room in my heart for peace, for joy, for grace, for love that wasn't filtered through trauma or triggers. Listen, I'm not telling you this because I've mastered forgiveness. I'm telling you this because I've felt what happens when you don't forgive. I've felt the way it poisons your joy. I've felt the way it sabotages your closest relationships. I felt the way it makes your heart hard and your spirit heavy. And I felt the moment that weight lifted. The moment I finally believed that my healing mattered more than my pride. That peace was better than proof that being right wasn't as powerful as being free. So here I am, brother, telling you this. If you're carrying something you weren't meant to carry, let it go. Don't do it because they asked you to. Don't do it because they changed. Do it because you're tired of being chained to pain that no longer serves you. Open the lockbox. God already knows what's in there, and he's not disgusted. He's ready to do the real fixing. But you've got to hand him the key first. And when you do, that limp you've been living with might just become the testimony that helps someone else stand. Let me say this plain and clear. Forgiveness is the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's not soft. It's not weak. It's not passive. Forgiveness is a fight. A fight against your ego, against your pain, against the inner Voice that whispers they don't deserve it. And maybe they don't, but you do. You deserve to be free. Because here's the truth. Forgiveness isn't letting someone off the hook. It's cutting the rope that's tied around your neck. It's not making what happened okay. It's deciding that you won't keep paying for it every day. It's not forgetting. It's saying this memory doesn't get to, oh, own me anymore. And listen, I get it. There's someone out there who crushed you, who never apologized, who may never admit they were wrong. Someone who broke something in you that you didn't even know could be broken. And you've been carrying it for years like a badge of survival. But listen to me. That badge is turning into a chain. And I need you to hear me when I say this. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Because you can't be who God is calling you to be while dragging around bitterness from someone who hurt you yesterday. Let's take it deeper. Remember this. You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into. Well, you can't think your way into peace either. You've got to do something. And that something is forgiveness. Hear me loud and clear. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. You don't have to give someone access to your life again. You don't have to rebuild the relationship that God already told you to release. You can forgive from a distance. You can protect your peace and your heart. But if you keep holding on to that hurt, you're not building a boundary anymore. You're building a prison. So what's the wisdom here? Let's break it down. You can't forgive what you won't face. Stop pretending it doesn't bother you. That's not strength. That's avoidance. God can only heal what you're willing to hand over. Forgiveness is a process, not a performance. This isn't a one time moment. It's a journey. Some wounds bleed longer than others. Keep bringing them back to God. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It's refusing to relive it every day. You may never erase the pain, but you can remove its power over your future. You're not weak for letting go. You're strong enough to want peace more than revenge. Strength isn't about what you hold onto. It's about what you have the courage to release. Forgiveness is the pathway to peace and prosperity. It's the doorway to the life God has always wanted for you. But you'll Never walk through it carrying the weight of resentment. So here's what I want to leave you with. If Jesus could forgive the very people who nailed him to a cross, then surely we can forgive the people who put nails into our store. We don't forgive because they're worthy. We forgive because he is. And the moment you do, you'll feel it. That lightness, that lifting, that peace that just doesn't make any sense. That's God whispering. Now I can start fixing what they broke. So here's your challenge this week. Don't just think about who hurt you. Talk to God about it. Lay it down and name the pain. Speak it out loud. Pull it out from that box. Ask him to help you begin the process of true, holy heart, deep forgiveness. Then write this prayer somewhere where you can see it every day. God, I release what they did and I received what what you want to do. I'm done carrying what doesn't serve me. I choose freedom. I choose peace. I choose you. All right, guys, we've gone deep today. We've walked through pain, healing, faith, and the freedom that only comes when we finally let go. So I think we're done here. We've said what needed to be said. We've wrapped it all up. You're probably thinking, he's really not doing a dad joke this time. Haha. Well, guess what? You thought wrong, my guy. Because forgiveness might be hard, but not dropping a dad joke, now, that's just unforgivable. So here it goes. I once told my kids I forgave them for putting a dent in my car. But I'm still processing the impact. I'm here all week now, for real. If this episode made you feel anything, hope, healing, conviction, clarity, then please do me a favor. Send it to someone you care about. Someone who might need to hear this exact message today. Hit the follow or subscribe button. And don't forget to tap the little notification bell so you always know when a new episode drops. Because I've got so much more to share with you. The grateful dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. It's about choosing love. It's about choosing growth and walking this journey together one intentional step at a time. I'm proud of you and I'm thankful for you. And I'll see you next time, brothers. Sam Sa. Sam.