Is failure real? How to reframe our disappointments

What if everything you’ve been calling ‘failure’ isn’t actually real? 

In this episode, Zulean dissects where expectations come from, why disappointments hit hard, and how to stop measuring ourselves by old rules. 

Want to know the secret? It’s called: exploration. 

Exploration and reinvention are actually the strategy for success. Click play to find out why and HOW to actually get there. Grab your cafecito — it’s time to rethink everything you thought you knew about failure.

Links as promised:

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✨Follow Zulean on IG 👉 @ZConecta 

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Transcript

Hola hola! 

I'm Zulean Cruz- Diaz and welcome to Una Preguntita.

Each week, you and I dive into the stuff nobody really teaches us: how to lead, connect, and communicate better

—y con tools that you can actually use.

Grab tu cafecito, get comfy, and let's figure this out together. 

Esto es Una Preguntita, where curiosity and understanding lead to action. ¡Vamos!

Ok amiguis, this week’s preguntita is:

What is failure?

I think failure comes from the assumption that you want to have attained something, or reached a target but are not there. 

It’s the disconnect from where you are and where you WANT to be. 

I’ma say that again: Failure is the disconnect from where you are and where you WANT to be. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize… failure might be completely made up. 

Almost like a social construct that tells us, we should be at XYZ position. 

Or, by this age, we should be married with children.

Or by this date, I should have solved this XYZ problem at work.  

I know i’m getting philosophical here pero stay with me… With these scenarios, is failure really a  “failure” or is it really expectations not being met? 

… then … then what does it ACTUALLY mean when something doesn’t work out the way you expect it to?”

I think that’s the deeper topic at hand: “what happens when something doesn’t work out the way you expect it to?”

I’ve mentioned this in the past but you and I amigui, are high achievers. And high achievers like to know “what to do with their lives” or “be prepared and ready for their next stage…”

And it makes sense! 

We’ve grown up in a world where the quote on quote, “right path,” was pretty clear. 

Growing up, we went through school. Everyone mainly moved up to the next grade and you had metrics to determine if you were staying on the “right path”:

• Make good grades
• Be in extracurriculars
• Stay out of trouble,  etc.

Pero… after graduation…?

There’s no direct path or clear “metrics” to determine if you’re reaching “success”

And because we were so guided earlier on, uncertainty feels… scary. 

So how do we make ourselves feel better? We try to clear out the ambiguity, create less unknown or gray area? 

The solution? We create expectations for ourselves and our lives.

AND THENNNN we feel like we “failed” when we’re not where we want to be. 

See where I’m going here?

You become upset you didn’t get the BIG promotion by 25. 

You missed the six figures income goal by 27.

Or didn’t get married, buy a house, and have a family by 31. 

Yup… Not meeting these feel ROUGH. 

I was listening to the Harvard Business Review on Leadership podcast and heard this quote:

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is how we think about the problem.”

That sat with me… If you and I are frustrated with a topic, it might not be the actual topic we’re mad at, it’s the angel we’re looking at it from.  

I’ma let that sit with you for a little: 
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is how we think about the problem.”

So if the problem isn’t the problem, but how we think about the problem,
 let’s pause and really look at that, amigui.

Where do our definitions of success and failure even come from?

’Cause if we’re being honest… the expectation you placed before?
 It might not match the reality you’re in right now.

You’ve changed. You’ve grown. You know more. You see the world differently.

So if your knowledge has evolved, shouldn’t your metric of success evolve too?

Think about it:
If the metric you’re chasing was created by past you — the version of you that didn’t know what you know now — is it really a failure if you don’t reach it?

Like, tell me how that makes sense!

 We keep using these outdated rules to judge our present selves, and then wonder why we feel behind.

 It’s because the metric expired, amigi. It’s outdated software and you’re running with a new operating system.

“I think we forget that we don’t live in elementary school anymore.

 There are no clear grades in adulthood.
 Nobody’s handing out A’s or F’s for how fast you bought a house or when you got promoted.

Life is just decisions, reactions, adjustments.
 That’s it.
 It’s not success or failure — it’s information.”

“So maybe… failure isn’t real.
 Maybe it’s just an expectation that didn’t line up with your current reality.
 And that’s not bad — that’s growth.
 That’s proof you’ve evolved.

What you’re calling ‘failure’ might just be life saying,
 ‘Mira, this version of the plan doesn’t fit you anymore. It’s time to pivot.’”

Interestingly enough, I was listening to “The Diary of a CEO” podcast with Steven Bartlett and he had on science writer and author, David Epstein. 

Turns out, David actually disproved the 10,000-hour rule — where if you practice one thing for 10 years, you’ll be an expert.

The research was found to not have broad enough data and showed that when we focus too narrowly on one thing, osea just trying to get good at one single skill — we actually miss long-term growth and exploration.

Think about someone practicing their layup on a basketball court over and over again. 

They might get REALLY good at a layup but still not actually know how to play basketball.

Mastery in life isn’t about repetition — it’s about exploration.

If we’re too zoned in, we miss the opportunities to grow, shift and see what might ACTUALLY be presenting itself to us in the present.  

Honestamenete, this concept really stuck with me porque me encuentro in a “reinvention” seaon.

 I thought I wanted to go all in on creating an online course,
 but the truth is? My energy — my curiosity — keeps pulling me toward this podcast.

And for a second, I was like, ‘ugh, am I failing at being a business owner.’
 But i’m finding, “HOLD UP!!! There are other options other routes I could take on this path.”

 I’m just gathering data.
 I’m learning what feels aligned with me. Where my zone of genius is”

And funny enough, that’s what David, the scientist said. When you let go, explore, and make shifts, you actually get closer and closer to fulfillment vs if you zoned in and ONLY accepted one pathway. 

The more you play and shift, one thing leads you to another and another and that brings you closer to happiness. 

“So maybe that’s what reinvention actually is:
 Allowing yourself to shift direction without calling it a failure.
 Just calling it what it really is — exploration.
 Trying new things, testing, taking notes.”

Mira, exploration isn’t a lack of clarity — it’s the path to clarity.
Every time you try something new, or have a “this is just a tester” mentality, you get a clearer picture of what you like, what drains you, what feels like purpose.

And the people who live the most fulfilled lives?
 They’re not the ones who picked a lane early and never left it.
 They’re the ones who stayed curious enough to keep shifting in every season they entered.”

“Exploration is not the opposite of success — it is the strategy of success.”

“Ok I know know i’ve talked your ear off, let’s get you a quick 3 point recap amigui:

• Numero Uno: Failure is the disconnect from where you are and where you WANT to be. 
  
  
  
• Numero Dos: What feels like failure is actually data. Data that tells you something about who you are now, what you value, and where to explore next.
  
  
  
• Numero Tres: Exploration is the path to clarity. It’s testing. It’s iterating. It’s finding clarity. Every pivot, every detour, every experiment is evidence that you’re learning and growing
  
  
  

So amiguis… next time you feel like you “failed,” try asking yourself:
“ What did I just learn about myself? Where do I go next? What’s the data telling me?”

Because the truth is… the only failure is staying stuck in the same old definition that no longer fits you. You choose how you want to look at the problem. 

Papi: “Zulean, que aprendiste?” 

Hey Papi, gracias por la pregunta. 

It’s so interesting how the more you ask questions and stay quiet, the more you actually give to the other person…

I know, suena medio counterintuitive but it’s TRUE! The more intently you listen, the more information you retain from them and the more helpful you actually are for them.  

Sometimes, when someone asks us for advice we want to dive right in without knowing the full context or direction they’re coming from. If we were to ask 2-3 follow up questions to their question, you’d be surprised by:

 1. Finding out that they might actually answer their own question 

or 2. How specific our answer could be for them

When I was younger, I associated teaching and guidance with someone who lectured forever (shout out to Mami y Papi for both being professional educators haha). 

But as I do more one-on-one coaching, I’m finding that you actually give more substance the more you ask questions and listen… 

In case you, amigui, are interested in my communication and leadership one-on-ones send me an email to HeyZ@zconecta.com and let’s get something on the calendar. 

It’s time for you to grow and I’m here to support you. Vamos!

That’s the show amigui!

Gracias for tuning in. I live by the line, the more you give the more you receive. 

So, that being said, make sure to share this with someone that came to mind while you were listening. The more this show grows, the more you get from it ;) 

Como siempre, I’m your amigua, Zulean, and I’m sending you off today con un HUGE abrazo amigui

Nos vemos en la proxima!