S03E03 Emily: From Infertility due to PCOS to Joy, Support and Healing.

Emily's resources and contact info are below this description :

After five years of trying, Emily and her husband's fertility journey ends not with another treatment cycle, but with an act of surrender and faith. And then, a positive test surprises them two weeks later! 

Emily, a UK–Italian psychologist living in Uster, ZH, invites us into her honest, layered journey through PCOS, infertility, a late breech pregnancy, and an induction at Spital Uster that swung from serene to urgent in minutes. 

We talk about the moment her waters broke, why a 36-week conversation about pain relief changed everything, and how a calm, epidural-supported labour turned into a rapid forceps delivery that brought her son safely earthside.

The harder chapter began after birth. With a tailbone injury, stitches, and a very large newborn, Emily couldn’t sit, lift, or walk without pain. Bonding looked different. Her husband took the nights and nappies; her Italian family moved in, filling the home with meals, care, and the steady wisdom of a great-grandmother in her 90s. Together, they built a real village. 

Emily shares how accepting help became both a psychological hurdle and a lifeline, and how strength training tailored for PCOS helped rebuild her body and confidence.

Threaded through it all is a theme that challenges modern myths of control: faith alongside science, surrender alongside planning, and the radical idea that a baby’s life is valuable before it achieves anything at all. If you’re navigating fertility uncertainty, planning an induction, weighing pain relief options in Switzerland, or bracing for the variations of postpartum recovery, Emily’s story offers practical insights and a grounded reminder that community is medicine.

If this conversation moved you, subscribe, leave a quick review, and share it with someone else. Your support helps more parents find these stories and feel less alone.

Emily's resources:

Dr. Emily Reeves

Certified Psychologist 

Time for Peace Psychology Practice (Uster)

www.timeforpeace.ch

Her personal trainer: 

Justina: https://justinatraining.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Hi, and welcome to Swiss Birth Stories. I'm Julia Neal, mother, doula, hypnobirthing specialist, and perinatal educator.

Emily’s Background And Life In Switzerland

Christine 0:17

And I'm Christina Bliven. I'm a doula, baby wearing consultant, childbirth educator, and mother of three. Today we're talking to Emily, a first-time mom to a seven-month-old who gave birth in Spital Uster and is generously sharing both her birth story and her postpartum journey with us. In this conversation, Emily opens up about her long road to motherhood, including years of infertility, a challenging induction, and a postpartum recovery that required more support than she ever expected. We also explore the emotional side of becoming a parent, how her experience reshaped her relationship with control, how she learned to accept help, and the deep gratitude she now carries for the family and community who supported her through those early weeks. Let's dive in. Hello, Emily. Welcome. Hi. We would love to start off just by hearing about you, your family, where you're from, how you landed in Switzerland, whatever you'd like to tell us about your background.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Great. So I am a UK-Italian national, so I've got dual nationality, and I'm an expat here in Switzerland since 2017. I actually moved to Switzerland from London for my doctoral studies in psychology. And in the last year of my studies, just when I thought I would go home, I met the love of my life, my husband, who um is Swiss, uh Dutch, so it's the classic stay for love story. Um and uh we then have been married now six years, together seven years. And we were trying for a child for five of those years. So it was really a long, yeah, it was a long, long journey to get to where we are now. Um, but um, but that's a little bit about my family. I now do have a seven-month-old son. Um for me, um, just speaking background-wise, I'm working as a psychologist. Um, I specialize in health psychology, I have a private practice um based in Ooster, and I also work as project manager at the Swiss School of Public Health. It's the national coordinating body for post-doctorate research and postgradual studies in public health sciences in Switzerland. Um, so that's what I'm doing here. I've been doing that for years now, a couple of years already. And um uh yeah, my husband and I, like I said, we've just started building up our family, and we're just so grateful that it was finally possible for us to have our son.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

Wow, that is a lot that you can do and manage. Uh that's a lot of things going on. Well done, you with also with the little guy at home.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah. Yeah. And I should say is not so little. I have a um statistically ginormous child. Um he is actually 14 kilos, although he's only seven months old. I mean, it is they actually told us that it's um statistically one in hundreds of millions. I mean, that is shocking because he he weighs, I mean, he's his height and weight is like that of the average three-year-old, just for context.

Christine 3:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Are you and your husband big, tall? Um, so my husband is a is a big guy. He's a tall, he's that the uh like, yeah, they're renowned for being very tall and big, but I didn't know that I would ever be able to produce such a big guy. I should have suspected when I gained 20 kilos during my pregnancy. And I people were asking me, like, are you expecting twins? Um, yeah. Uh, but no, um, I did have a big baby. I actually um on delivery injured my tailbone, coccix, which can happen when you have a big baby. So just to yeah, give you the picture there, he was a big guy and still is. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

How did you experience your pregnancy? You mentioned 20 kilos is quite a lot for a body to take on. But aside from that, or including that, how how did you experience pregnancy?

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Um, I was understandably like elated. I was like over the moon when I discovered that I was pregnant finally. Um, because we did have a very long journey, and I can always circle back to that. But just to answer your question, my pregnancy I really embraced because I was so happy just to that that it was finally my reality. Um, I have to say in the beginning, I I had a bit of a scare as I was bleeding, and uh I did thought I thought that I may have miscarried at that time. Turns out, um, thankfully, that that wasn't the case. Um, but you know, you're always cautious. I mean, even if you have an experience of that with that or not, I think you're particularly cautious when it's something that you've really wanted for a long time. Um, but I enjoyed my pregnancy, namely because I think I also was very lucky in the sense that if I was very lucky that I didn't have too many side effects, I didn't feel much different than what I did normally. And if possible, I actually felt better, I felt happier. Um, but like it's worth saying that obviously before getting pregnant, I had been um on various hormones in order to help me get pregnant. Um, that's actually not how we got pregnant, um, but all of that does a number on you mentally, physically, and everything. So maybe in comparison to how I felt for all of those years, constantly on these fertility treatments, I just felt great. I felt like myself, actually. I just felt really good. And the only time that my pregnancy didn't feel good anymore was in my last um trimester, where all of a sudden I went from like feeling like I was on top of the world, I was like going to work, I was happy, it was great, to I couldn't walk back from my office um like home, like I couldn't go to the train station, I couldn't, I was not able to stop to walk anymore. I was like bent over. And I then realized that the position of the baby was really challenging because he was in breach position. Um so that was really difficult. And I actually was on medical leave from like February until when I had my son. So it was really quite a significant thing. It was like brilliant, but then took a turn for the for the worst, I would say. Um, but that's my pregnancy overall, I would say was very good. Um, can't really complain. But yeah, the last trimester, I think it's like that for all of us, most of us, that it's it is generally the hardest. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

I think it's quite I think it's quite cruel that women are expected to work in the first and the third trimester. I think it's just incredibly taxing. And um before we go on, did you want to sort of go back then to the to the journey? Because um I think maybe I I pushed ahead a little too quickly.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yeah, I mean um it was a long journey. Uh when you're in it, it just feels like forever. I mean, I do think that five years, when you're trying for something consistently, five years is a long time objectively, but um it feels like a lifetime, um, even more so when you're in it. Um and it's because um to kind of summarize it into a nutshell, I was diagnosed with PCOS, it's polycystic ovarian syndrome. For those people who are not familiar, it's often um sort of termed as um like uh diabetes of the ovaries. It essentially means that you do have uh a hormone imbalance, which can make it more difficult to become pregnant. Uh so once I realized that I had that, um, it was a real journey to then trying to become pregnant because we were told that our chances were very slim. Uh now, this was before I even got married. When I didn't then get married, it became kind of the focal point of our marriage. Although, you know, children were, I mean, I did really want to have children and a family, but it wasn't like, you know, um, my my absolute heart's desire before getting married. It was just something I knew wanted. But then once you're then told, look, I don't think this will happen for you. Um, and if you do want it to happen for you, you really, you better try everything that there is to try. That does somehow put shove it into the spotlight. And you have to, you're forced to look at it. And so it really became from day one in our marriage, it became, you know, right, mission, having a child. And that will not do your relationship much favors, as you can, as you can imagine. It's it's a real pity that it had to be that way. Um, at the same time, I'm grateful to say that like my husband and I have like learned so much about each other through this process. And I've learned a lot about myself as well. So um that's okay. But um, yeah, it it definitely had its moments, let's say. Um, and we basically from that beginning on, as I say, we tried um uh insemination. So that is where uh you um sort of it's an it's an artificial process essentially, which is aided by hormones, and you can um go and basically have this artificially done in a clinic. Um and um we did do that, however, like I say, um that comes with lots of different side effects to you as a person um because it affects your hormones quite significantly because you're injecting yourself with hormones. Um I just to mention a few side effects, I gained something like 12 kilos during that time. I lost uh a lot of my hair. Um, it was just not good, not to mention like how you physic how you mentally feel as well. So it was it was a challenge. But eventually um we got to a point, um, this was June last year, where I said to my husband, do you know, I really do want a family with you. And uh I it's not that I want to give up, but I sort of feel like we need to let this go because this is just all-consuming, and it's been like the topic of our relationship. And I don't think that anything should be necessarily the topic of your relationship. You just want to enjoy each other's company. And to do that, we're gonna have to let it go. And he agreed. And um for both of us, we both are Christian and our faith plays quite a role in our lives, and we were like, we we just gotta pray about it, we've got to let it go. People told us to do that before. And I was like, no, I I have, you know, I have let it go. I'm very zen, I'm cool about it. But I think I knew deep down that that wasn't the case. Um and we did pray about it. Um, and I said, Okay, that's it. I'm letting it go. Two weeks after that conversation, after that prayer together, um, I we conceived naturally without anything. So there was no medications involved, there was nothing. We stopped with everything. And people do you hear these stories all the time. It's crazy. Um, and I can't believe I'm part of these stories, these cliche stories now. Um, and you know, there's lots of different thoughts on that. For me, I would say that's a miracle, but I know as well that the mind plays a huge role in in things and and stress is a huge one. So, but finally, yes, we got pregnant. Um, and and that's my story.

Christine 12:40

That's incredible. And yeah, you I think a lot of people who go through infertility are really frustrated by that advice. So, oh, you just need to relax. Like, man, you have no idea, you know, what what that's like. Um, but the fact that it came from you, that you decided that's enough of that, and you you hadn't really had a chance, like you say, to enjoy each other, to have that honeymoon freight phase. If it's all just like, okay, let's get to work, let's make this happen. Um, that you kind of did it for for the relationship and then it worked. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah, thank you. Um it's uh yeah, it's absolutely crazy to look back on. Um but now I just see that yeah, I do see where I was so uptight and stressed about the topic. Um, although I always said, well, no, you know, we've got time and it's okay. But I think one of the biggest impacts that that has is, and and that's one of the probably the biggest life lessons that I've taken out of that time, is that when you are planning for something that you don't know is certain, you make you kind of fit your life around those plans. Like every year you're like, this will be the year. So we're not gonna have a gym room in our home because it's gonna be the baby room, and we're not gonna get that really cool car, the two-seater cool car, because no, we're not gonna have that because we need a family car. And these are stupid examples, right? But they're it's like you do all this planning for the future, and in the meantime, you rob yourself of the joy that you could have in the moment. Um, and um, that's the biggest lesson that I've taken from this. It's like, no, I don't know what's coming tomorrow. I don't even know what's coming tonight. Um, so I'm not going to plan for a future that I don't have control over.

Christine 14:44

Hi, I'm Christina, a doula, baby wearing consultant, childbirth educator, and mother of three. I'm the owner of Lily Bee, a family hub in Zurich where you can find resources, community, and support in English as you begin your journey into parenthood. It takes a village. Find yours here. That's very wise and and applicable to so many things in life.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. And I think once you've got that child that that um yeah, that thinking is is even more so true. I mean, every day is so different. You know, you might think, okay, my standard day will look so different if, you know, I don't get to sleep or wink tonight. Um, because suddenly, okay, what he's been doing for his nighttime routine no longer works randomly or whatever. Um, so it really does teach you to be flexible, which I think um was definitely a probably a necessarily night life lesson for me. Um yeah, and I'm still learning that very much so.

Christine 15:54

Yep. Motherhood is good at teaching that.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah, exactly. I was gonna say it's a life lesson that just keeps on, keeps on coming, but you certainly have a a basis there that a lot of other people don't have. Like this this is a long experience, and as you say, you know, that's all happening and the present is slipping away, and um that is quite a huge realization to have. Thank you for sharing that. Um now in your pregnancy, do you think your experience because on one hand you're so familiar with this like medicalized system and all the help that science can offer? And then on the other side, you've had a you might say miraculous, serendipitous, whatever it is, like whatever that inner experience was, this more divine experience. Did that impact how you viewed birth, like how you thought about his birth? Do you think that changed the course of that um preparation phase?

Faith, Science, And Surrender

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Yeah, I mean, that's such an interesting question. It's true. I mean, on the one hand, um my work and my life is is in science, right? Um but I'm also a person of faith. And I think those two things, they seem like to they sort of seem like they're opposed to one another. It's like a juxtaposition. But I at the same time feel um, especially like the more that I have worked closely with science and worked with people, that um sort of like the more you know almost the less you know. I don't know, it's kind of like I oh you just don't know what you don't know. There's just so much out there and um and anything's kind of possible. Um, but when it relates to what I think about how I prepared for my pregnancy, um coming to your question, I feel that I was just incredibly grateful. I was grateful. It was something that I didn't feel was a result of the scientific methods that we tried. And it wasn't something that was in my control, you know, because you're you're constantly giving this advice, you know, be be mindful of what you're eating and when you're eating and whether you exercise and you know, the supplements you're taking. And there's all this this huge complex science behind getting pregnant, supposedly. And I'm sure that a lot of that is is, of course, also the case. It's true scientifically, but for me, it felt very much like um I can see with this pregnancy that I did nothing but surrender my desires over, um, take it out of my hands. And to me, that was for me, I left it with God and I was like, I can't, I can't do this by myself. And I don't know if it's in your plan for me, for my life, for my husband's life. Um, and it just made me realize that that pregnancy was just not in my control at any point, especially when I had the scare at the beginning. I knew, okay, this could all life can change any moment. And I'm I'm very, very aware of that, also because of the work that I do working with people who maybe never thought that they would find themselves in therapy ever. Um, but you know, life can just change from from day to night. And mine has been flipped over by by having a child. Um so so yeah, so that's probably how I how I see that in relation to my pregnancy, that I just valued life um much more. And I think secondly, once I actually um gave birth to Ruben and I saw Ruben for the first time, I mean, they always tell you about that, that you know, it's like this special blah, this experience, and it's indescribable. But for me, the the thought that I had that was just such a strong thought was life is just incredible. Life is, you can just see that life is so valuable, it's intrinsically valuable, which I think that so much of the time we as people try to like assign value to ourselves by like doing things with our lives that's gonna make our lives more worthy and more, more valuable. Like, how can I how can I feel that my life has value today? We're always trying to do that, and it's kind of maybe not even a bad thing, but when you see a baby for the first time just come into the world, you're like, no, wow, this life without doing anything just by being is is valuable, incredibly valuable. Yeah. I was just blown away. So that was my my take home uh on on faith and and pregnancy.

Christine 20:56

I like how they all kind of weave together the same message that you see in all these different parts of pregnancy and birth and um so when it was time, how did you know? How did things start? How did labor start?

SPEAKER_01 21:17

So my boy was two weeks delayed. It was a very difficult two weeks to wait. Um, and eventually the doctor said, no, it's two weeks and two days. We want you to come in and we're gonna induce you. I had no real understanding really of what all was going to be involved with that process. I was so focused on just yeah, the idea of having my son that I didn't really pay too much attention into the process. But yeah, apparently it's a long one and it's uh uh yeah, not too pleasurable, I would say. There are definitely some. Um uh yeah, it's just a huge physical challenge going through the induction. It's I went we tried all the different ways because he just wasn't responding to anything. Um and uh yes, I did finally uh start getting contractions. Um, so what happened for me was I finally really started realizing, wow, I'm in pain. This is a pain that I don't even recognize because usually, you know, when you feel pain, when you touch a flame, you can draw your hand away from that flame and the pain is gone. When you have contractions, it's like this volcano erupting inside you that you're like, oh my goodness, I can't escape this pain. It's it's in me, it's somewhere. And oh my goodness. Um, so it was just, I was petrified, just having those contractions. I was like, what is waiting for me? Like, oh my goodness. Um and I tried to close my eyes and sort of imagine that, you know, I was on this beach somewhere, and I was trying to practice all these mindfulness techniques that I love to like share with others. And I was like, I better practice what to preach here and do these myself. And I find I found myself just like breathing in, breathing out, closing my eyes. And all of a sudden, I had this like very magical feeling where I could just sort of I felt uh Ruben's head on the lower part of my womb. I could feel that there was something rested there, and it's really interesting because I hadn't felt him really inside. I'd felt the occasional kick, but I felt it and I thought, wow. And I was in that moment, it was a beautiful moment. I remember just going, Ruben, I'm I'm ready for you. And it's just a beautiful moment because that's where my water broke. When my water broke, it was like I, I don't know, all of the emotions that I had probably just been kind of holding in out of fear to kind of let things overwhelm me, came gushing out. The poor midwife that was like working on, she'd only just started actually on her shift. She comes rushing into the room, she just sees me losing the plot completely. My husband was also like completely shocked. Um, I just it was like floods of tears. It was uncontrollable because I didn't know what would happen to me. Um, and yeah, in that moment I said to the midwife, like, I I think this is it. I am in pain. I would like to, I'm a chicken when it comes to pain. I would like to avoid uh pain as much as possible. She said, say no more. Like, look, we're gonna get the epidural to you um in a moment, and we're gonna take you through, and uh then you'll be in active labor. So I was very lucky that I was given the epidural very early on. And because of that, I had a very um, a very, very, but um I was wondering, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

I was wondering how long of the induction process, like how long did this process take until you felt until you had this moment or until you felt that you were in active labor or labor one that couldn't be stopped, that was only going forwards. Was this a multi-day procedure um with lots of invasive medications, or was this something that happened a little bit more quickly than that?

Cultural Expectations And The Epidural Choice

SPEAKER_01 25:39

It took an entire day and then it was right into the evening. Um, and they tried um I, you know, I think there's three different forms that you can get, at least that that was what explained to me, and they tried all of those options on me. Um, so they gradually increase in intensity. Um, and yeah, and then apparently my body did finally respond, and I knew that something was happening when that water broke. Um, it just felt like, wow, okay. But I think, as I understood from the midwife, it's not like at that point in time, you know, they would automatically bring you and give you an epidural. It was really on the basis of the fact that at our consultation, I had asked specifically for an epidural for my pregnancy. Um, which, by the way, just as a side note, I didn't realize that that in Switzerland that's not standard practice necessarily. So you do actually have to request that, uh, which was interesting for me because I'm from the UK, like I said originally. Um, and that is standard practice. So I didn't know that, you know, when we had this consultation, they said, Do you have any special wishes? And I thought they were talking about, I don't know, you know, like, do I want to have a particular, I have no clue. But I was like, no, just the standard stuff, you know, just the epidural. And they were like, the the the the epidural. And they sort of looked at me with wide eyes, um, like, you mean as a do you mean as a first line of treatment? And I was like, um, I mean, I know that there's laughing gas out there and all the rest of it, but I mean, just just just give me the good stuff. Um, so I don't know, I was really, I was taken back by that, but I have since then become much more informed about um, you know, how how labor looks in Switzerland and in other countries. And listening to some of the episodes on your podcast, for example, I've learned so much about different women's experiences of that and what's normalized and what's maybe not so normal in different countries and and whatever um with labor. But um, as I say, I don't think it would have been necessarily their first go-to, but because I'd requested it, they then gave it to me very early on, which was really a blessing for me. I would say it was a fantastic experience for me.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

I think, yeah, when we have those meetings, like I think it's in 36 weeks or so, depending on the hospital or birth center that you give birth in, they're like, hey, come in with your with your wishes, or you have like this uh spreadstunde, they call it this, like a time to come. And I think um most mothers who go into this appointment don't realize that it's for this exact reason for you to be like, oh no, like my idea of a birth is one where I have adequate and full pain relief, you know, and and because you might have this idea in your mind of what birth looks like, but the midwife doesn't necessarily know when we're all bound by culture, right? Like every we're all the cult birth is a cultural practice as much as we want to think it's a purely scientific one. It's certainly not, it's definitely culturally bound. Um, but yeah, that 36-week appointment, I think a lot of moms tend to think, oh, well, I'll write my birth plan is sometime before 40 weeks. And so sometimes they're considering their birth plans after this sort of window of opportunity almost to have that one-to-one conversation. Of course, you can always book one afterwards. So I'm really happy that that while it perhaps was a little confusing on your end because cult again, cultural, um that that they were like, okay, great, thank you. And then they could note it down, and then when it was time, it was seamless.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

That's wonderful. It was absolutely amazing. I cannot praise um how they did things enough at the Uster hospital. It was absolutely amazing from start to finish. Um experience.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

That's so great. And then once things were established, water broke, you have your epidural placed, how did you feel like your labor was going? What did you notice from the experience and your treatment there?

The Shock Of Postpartum Recovery

SPEAKER_01 29:54

So I feel like um my labor experience was a crazy one in the sense that um it wasn't at all as I expected. Now, because I was pain-free, um, it meant that I could feel that the contractions were happening, but they were not painful. So I was just aware that the contractions were going on. I could see them on the screen. But I mean, people were coming around and asking me, like, hey, would you like some snacks? Do you want to maybe have the blinds down so you can take a nap and save your energy for later? And I was like, but sorry, am I not in active labor? I can take a nap in active labor and have some snacks. I mean, nobody told me this. This is not like what you see on the movies. I was just, I was, but should I not be sweating? And I don't know. And I mean, it was just a crazy experience because it just felt very surreal. I was like, I'm the one giving birth here, but I sort of feel like I'm just in this lovely environment being tended to by people and asked if I'm doing okay. It just felt really bizarre. I don't know. I just I couldn't feel so I was nervous, of course, but I was just mostly feeling pretty content. And in fact, my husband reminds me very often that I was like on a bit of a high where I was like, oh, this is great. I'm just having such a lovely time. We should do this again. Like, you know, bring on number two. Like, this is really not so bad. Um, but I will say, um, I will say it wasn't um it it isn't all like that. I basically had a very painless, smooth labor up until the last 10 minutes. So what happened to me was they were telling me, push, they could see my baby's head. And I was in that moment thinking to myself, the whole time, like, so this baby is coming. I feel nothing, this is all easy. And in that moment, I was thinking, what on earth? Like, am I what what is going on? Like, why am I not feeling anything? Like, what has everybody been talking about that I'm not privy to? Because maybe I'm I don't know, this is like magical that I just don't feel anything. Um, so I was just not understanding. Um and that is all true, it was like that, but suddenly the kind of the atmosphere in the room changed. Um, like it was really like something that you'd see on like house. You had like the the doctors, like a team of like five doctors in white, like really dramatically storming in, and it was like Mrs. Reeves. Um listen, you have to make a decision now. You have five minutes, but you do need to decide now. Your baby is only going to be able to come out into this world if you have a cesarean or whether you get your baby removed via forceps. I didn't know the kind of gravity of the question because I don't really know. I'm like, I'm not a medical professional in that sense. I'm not a medical doctor, so I don't know about what's the best option, what do I want to do? So I just said, Well, well, what would you do in your like professional experience? What would you do? You know, and um he thought about it for a bit and he said, No, I think we're gonna go with the four steps. I'm so glad I didn't know what that would really look like because once you know, I wouldn't have chosen that, but I don't think I would have chosen this area neither. I think what's the lesser of two difficult options, I don't know. But um I'm just glad that that the doctor made that decision for me and that my baby was delivered. Um, and it really took like it was a two-minute delivery, if that, because with the four steps, it's very quick. But um, it was a real turn of events from being on a super high to suddenly um, oh, you're in a medical medical emergency, your boy's life is in danger. Um, but then ending on an amazing note that I'm so grateful for that my boy is alive and well. Did you feel the forceps? I did. As in, I had the epidural, so I didn't feel the any any pain with that, and I didn't feel stitches, I didn't feel anything else. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Um, but I did feel my boy leaving my body in like a sort of a it was just a very, very odd sensation, like something being pulled out of you, and it's something you can't really imagine, but yeah. Um I could really feel that pulling motion. Um yeah, and it wasn't really until after, so like after I'd given birth, that kind of like the physical implications of what had actually happened to my body really hit me like like a truck. And I really wanted to I genuinely felt like I'd been hit by a truck when I yeah, when I'd sort of come to and sort of realized I've got my boy, but now suddenly I'm starting to gain feeling back in my body, and things are painful. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't walk, I mean, I couldn't do anything for the first six weeks. I couldn't even lift my son because he weighed um 4.1 kilos at birth, and I wasn't allowed to lift any more than five kilos. I couldn't sit. I I it was just it was crazy. I don't think um I mean I think the onus falls on us anyway to be informed ourselves about the postpartum period, but I personally don't think that there's enough out there about what how what can you expect after birth, especially if you're just you know, if you have been through what I've been through where you're just thinking about getting pregnant, getting pregnant, getting pregnant, you just don't even look beyond that. And um, I wish I had done because I I had no clue what was waiting for me after delivery.

Christine 36:11

Yeah. And it's that's a hard period, no matter what. And then if you have a higher than average kind of recovery and physical, that's that makes everything much harder. If you can't carry your baby, and if you can't walk properly without it hurting and sit, that adds an incredible amount to something that's already difficult.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

And I mean, like I say now, my my son is 14 kilos and he didn't just turn that way overnight. He has been super, he's been growing exponentially since we um got him. And um it's taken me ages to be able, I mean, I'm constantly struggling. I've got back issues at the moment from that. Obviously, as I mentioned, I injured my tailbone. Um, I at the moment I work with a personal trainer um online. She's based in the UK. She's an amazing um personal trainer who specialized actually in PCOS, which is the condition that I had. Um, she's uh I can send you the resources in case it might be interesting for some of our listeners, like just to hear about, um, in case somebody's interested in that, because she's really helped me. She helped me actually pre um pre-Ruben. So, like whilst I was trying to get pregnant to kind of get my body to a good place, and she's been helping me now to rebuild gradually and slowly. Um, and uh that's so important because without that strength, um, you know, um hardly any of it is possible. I mean, just picking him up and putting him down into his crib is like a huge feat. It's 14 kilos every time. And there's only so, you know, at the end of the day, although he's so big, he's still just a baby. He's only seven months old. But I think that's one of the drawbacks of having such a big baby is that there's almost because he looks so big, there's almost this expectation that, you know, he should be fine. He doesn't need to be picked up, he's okay. But of course, as a baby, he's just as entitled to be treated as one and to be picked up as often as he as he wants and needs. And so I'm trying to meet those needs, but at the same time, also trying to be wary that, you know, my body isn't quite where I need it to be just yet. But like I said, the only thing that I can be doing is, I guess, strengthening myself, which is what I'm doing through personal training and and really dedicating that time to uh strengthening myself uh physically as much as I can.

Christine 38:48

Was there anything specific that they recommended as far as healing with the tailbone injury? Um, unfortunately not.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

So apparently it's really it's a bit like when you um break a collarbone. Um there's actually no way that you can heal it. So they won't even x-ray. There might be uh quite a few women who have had an injury to the coccyx to the tailbone without even realizing because they don't necessarily x-ray for that because there's nothing that they could do. It's more expensive for them to run that x-ray. Um, so the risk, so the reward isn't really there for them doing that because there's nothing that they can then treat you with. So you just have to give it time. And uh giving something time is is a real difficult one, especially if you're someone who wants to yeah, take the reins on your own personal recovery, right? You want to be there, do the things, and I was really incredibly frustrated with myself during the postpartum period, not being able to do all the stuff I wanted to do, and um I just wasn't where I was at when I thought I was gonna be at it. And um, I think that very much comes back to what we were talking about um right at the beginning with the pregnancy journey. Um so yeah, it's like Julia, I think you were saying, um, you know, it's like a the lesson that keeps giving. And yeah, you were saying, Christine, that it's motherhood that will do that to you. And I absolutely agree. It it just does.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Yeah, that's exactly it was going through my mind of this deeply, deeply humbling, but that doesn't really give the full weight of it. Like this, yeah, this lesson that is continually being taught to you over and over and over again. And that is really, really hard. Like, um, I mean, first you're not able to sit because of the forceps assist delivery, but then also you have a coccyx injury that's not gonna help you be able to sit. And that is such a basic part of like the human condition, just especially when you imagine a postpartum sitting on the couch, chilling out, or sitting up in bed, holding my baby, breastfeeding my baby, and you know, you have another almost five kilos on your lap that takes and that's something we take for granted. You know, if no one's ever had an experience like this, that something as simple as that can be taken from you, and that's really hard. That's really hard.

Learning To Accept Help At Home

SPEAKER_01 41:33

And I think what it does, at least what it did for me, was it kind of made me just having being forced to rest and not being able to do anything. Yeah. On the one side, of course, that's what I needed, on the other side, it really like revealed to me that um, because I'm I'm a real doer, I like to do things. And um I was really made aware of one of my coping strategies, and I I know that this is a common one for people. Um, I just didn't realize how present it was for me until I was shown it through through being forced to just do nothing. I think I when I'm not feeling too good, I start to just make sure that I keep on top of things as much as I can. That helps me feel better. Like keeping on top of the housework, making sure that like I've got everything in order. And I know it sounds very small and and and actually insignificant, but when you are stuck and you literally can't do anything, it's like I want to get up and and make a coffee for the visitor that's come to visit me. Um and like I want to be able to, I don't know, serve my friends some cake that I go and pick up. I couldn't do anything for anyone, not even for myself. And I had to get comfortable with that idea and also allow other people to intervene for me and help me and help me in their way and be okay with that, you know, um, which is a strange thing to say, but sometimes you realize that even in the ways that the people help you, you kind of want to have a say in that too. I mean, I don't know about others, but I realized that was an issue for me and it's a work in progress, you know. So that was a thing. I mean, I'm very grateful for the husband for yeah, the help that my husband gave me. That was like um, I couldn't have done, I couldn't have come through that time without him because he literally had to do all of the diaper changing, he was doing all the nights, he was doing everything that he could to be there for me um so that I could recover physically. And um, that meant so much. It was very difficult to let someone else do that, but it was also so amazing for our dynamic and yeah, just for me as well, to just be able to go. Wow, I I might have never had I never been in a situation where I would have needed that, I might have never seen um how much my husband could come through for me. That's just priceless.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

How beautiful for a marriage to have someone show up for you in that way. And maybe be a little bit surprised about it too, because you're probably very capable of showing of showing up for yourself as much as you need to, right? That is a beautiful result of a pretty very challenging situation.

Christine 44:39

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Hi, Julia here. If you're pregnant, preparing for birth, or navigating those intense early weeks with the newborn, I want you to know you can plan for this time with confidence and support. I'm a Zurich-based doula, and I support families through pregnancy, birth preparation, and postpartum with services like birth preparation workshops, hypnobirthing plus courses, postpartum massage, and personalized postpartum meal planning, designed to help you feel calmer, more confident, and truly cared for during this time. Supporting families in this way isn't just my work, it is truly my passion. I believe this kind of care is part of a quiet revolution, one where parents are supported, listened to, and valued. You can learn more or book with me at juliathedoula.ch, and you'll find me on Instagram at juliathedoula.ch. And now let's get back to this week's Swiss birth story. So your baby's born and he comes into this world. And I'm guessing it was were you able to do skin to skin straight away. And how was that immediate postpartum for the first few hours and days there at the Ousterspital?

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Um it's uh it's so crazy when you try and think back because you're like, oh my god, I know it's just a blur. Like, I have no idea. Um it was beautiful. Like when I got my boy and I looked at him. I mean, my husband is very stereotypically Dutch. He's got the blonde hair, the blue eyes, you know. And my boy came out like with these dark as night eyes, a ton of black hair. I was like, who is this? Who is this boy? I mean, I'm obviously, I mean, I would I'm half Italian, so I do potentially lean more to that side of the spectrum. But I just was shocked. Um, but yeah, okay, I embraced this child that was apparently mine, as huge and as dark as he was. Um, and then um I was fortunate in the sense that I'm very aware of like obviously the postpartum blues kicking in and all of that. And I what I'm hypersensitive to all of that because um, as I mentioned before, I'm a psychologist. I have had um a lot of experience um working with women with um postpartum difficulties. Um and I'm always very conscious that you know it's important to recognize the early signs. So I was very much kind of prepared for the worst in a way. Um, but I'm very lucky to say that I was not impacted by those classic postpartum blues. I would say I was very much still on a high about my son, and I was enjoying the process of like, oh my goodness, this is amazing. You know, I'm learning how to breastfeed, and this is just an incredible, um an incredible experience. But at the same time, it was crazy. It was very um, you know, you have all these different people that you're seeing in the hospital showing you what you should be doing and how things should be going, which I'm so grateful for. But it just seems like you you're still processing what happened somehow, and yet you're interacting with these people, and it's just still, it's oh, your brain doesn't even know how to process. Um looking back, I mean, I think, you know, you're so inexperienced. I sometimes feel so sorry for my son that I had no idea how to latch him on. I was constantly needing other people's help, and I'm so grateful for the hospital that you have people on staff available to you 24-7, and that's such a blessing. Um, who were able to help me to form that bond through breastfeeding, and that was amazing. I was luckily I did get my milk supply in. Um, so that was great. Um, but yeah, I think those early few hours and few days that you were asking me about, those were very um special but also crazy days. And I think especially because of what I was going through physically, I think just not being able to walk, not being able to sit or really do much of anything, um, was just um I think more so than actually having my son and learning about breastfeeding and and all those other things. That was really the main um the main challenge, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Yeah, uh so overwhelming in the hospital when there's like people coming in giving their wonderful advice, but just having to absorb it all. It's just such a surreal, such a surreal experience. Were uh did you stay the standard two or three days in the hospital and then go home?

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Um I actually had to stay a little bit longer. I think it was four days. Um yeah, because of the recovery um being a challenge. And um yeah, and we stayed in the hospital, then we were moved into like a sort of a family room, um, which uh I really appreciated. Um, I think though, now if I would ever have a second, I'd appreciate that way more because I would actually know a little bit about what I'm doing. Um, so I'd be able to like use that room really to my full advantage. But at that time, I was just I kind of, it didn't really matter where I was. I just, it was like me struggling to get up to use the bathroom, or me trying to bend over and reach somehow for the phone without like feeling like there was just like a million daggers in my spine to call for assistance. It was just, it was very, yeah, and it was just very overwhelming. It was physically very overwhelming. I don't think I could really fully concentrate on my son as much as what I would love to have done. Um, but you know, we can't get the time back. I I I I find it a shame to have to have started that way for six, six weeks. It's a pity. But at the same time, you know, life is long. Hopefully, if we're lucky, life is long, and uh there's hopefully many more lovely months and years ahead with my son.

Christine 51:39

And that's a unique opportunity for your husband to have bonded with him. Not the way you would like, but out of out of necessity that he played a bigger role than he probably intended, or that both of you intended. Um so that probably created a bond that that he maybe didn't count on, or yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 52:03

My husband, um, he always knew that he really wanted to be a dad. He had a very he had it very much on his heart that he wanted to be a father. Um, even when we met, you know, he really wanted to have a family and that was really important to him, um, which is one of the reasons it was it was particularly difficult to to go through all the facility challenges that we had. But it was also amazing to see, and still is amazing to see how um how much joy he gets from being a dad. Um and that's that I don't take for granted because I think it's really um it's not easy doing uh raising a child and um it's it's even more difficult if you're if you're not on the same page, both of you. Um so I have to say I do I do feel that yeah, that role, that bond that they created in the beginning, I think is a very special one, and especially because my husband, just like me, he really wanted to have him. So I'm I'm grateful that he did have him. And I kind of wonder, you know, what I was saying before about perhaps having a more difficult time allowing someone else to step in for me. I wonder what it would have been like had I have just been able to do everything from the beginning. I wonder how how much I would have allowed him actually. I think allowed is the wrong word, but I wonder how much of a of a kind of direct um role or important role he would have been able to play on in that hands-on stuff in the beginning, you know, because I'm sure knowing me that I would have been like, oh, I really want to I want to learn this and see this and wait a minute, I know. And I um so I'm actually I'm grateful. I think it perhaps was the right thing for me.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

Which is funny to say, but I know it's it's such an amazing perspective and such uh two sides of the same coin, right? The pause, the light and the darkness, the positive and the negative. They don't they can't exist without each other. And then when you get home, we talked about um so yeah, your husband's involvement and your recovery, physical recovery. What else? Like, how were you set up in your postpartum? Did you have help or did your family come? How did your feeding go once you were home? And then how has life been once you've actually been able to settle as a family? Or I mean, you never settled, but you know, you know what I mean. Sort of get into the rhythm of things um in this first year as a family.

Building Strength And Finding Confidence

SPEAKER_01 54:48

Yeah. Um, I was really, really fortunate that um I don't know how familiar you are with like Italian culture, but something that's pretty common in Italian culture is my family is Italian, so yes. Oh, but okay, okay, so all right, all right, so you know how it goes. So you've got the nonas. The nonnas are around their um big grandmas, um, a key nonnas in Italian. They are um yeah, uh my mom is a stereotypical Italian nonna. She wants to be there, she wanted to be there from day one. And in Italian culture, um, it's very typical that the family um moves in actually with you. Yeah, which we have an apartment, we don't live on like two separate, you know, it's it's they're there. But um people were asking me about that beforehand, like, are you sure that you, you know, mmm, it's gonna be mmm. And I had the same reservations, but I thought, um, again, I think because I'm so conscious because of what I do for work, I'm very conscious that, you know, I almost feel that you can never have too much support. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have them there. We can see how it goes. If it's an issue, they can always move out. Um, but I'd rather have that option than not have it. So I agreed, please move in with us and and be there. And I am so grateful because I came home to my mum and dad being there here with me. And um, my mum was a huge help to me. She kind of she took care of um a lot of the cooking, she took care of helping me dress, um, really basic things. I mean, it's a huge thing. I I don't know if anyone else could have done that the way that that a mum can do that because it's kind of a I think you, Julia, before you were talking about motherhood being like humbling, it's like a humbling thing. I I agree. I think it can be sometimes quite in in a way, it's the most human, the the most humanizing thing. The most like basic primal thing. And on the other hand, it can also be a bit dehumanizing, because you're standing around in in nappies, in in uh women-sized nappies, uh, you know, and for most of your postbotan period, um, if you had an experience like mine. Um, and you have to get comfortable with the fact that you can't move, you don't look the way that you looked, it's all it's all going on. And my mom was able to really take care of me as as I think sometimes only a mom can. And that was awesome. So I really did have that support from the beginning, and um that was super valued valuable to me. Um they stayed for two or even three months on and off. Um, I'm lucky that my parents actually live close to Basel. So they're only an hour and 15 minutes away at any point in time. So now thinking of how I'm doing once I've actually recovered, so seven months later, um I am now really finally at a point where I do have that feeling of, okay, this isn't a complete novelty, what's going on anymore. It's more like I start to feel like I have the reins over things a little bit more. Because I think what did happen was because so many people had to help me in the beginning, I got to the point where, you know, I started to feel a bit insecure about my own relationship with my son. Like, am I able to do these things myself? And really basic things like changing an appy. I was like, am I doing that the way that you know I should be doing it? Because and I've seen my mum do this. And should I, there's a lot of that questioning. Um, I think that's very normal because it's a completely new experience. But at the same time, it's such a pity because it's one of the most um, in a way, the most natural, natural roles that you can have, but it feels so unnatural because it's almost like, you know, everywhere there's this whole science to it, and you need to have the right nappy and use the right formula and you do the so it kind of feels like it's complicated. And if you haven't had that really one-on-one experience over time, you kind of feel overwhelmed. But now I'm at a point, thankfully, where I do feel like, wow, um, I I'm by no means doing things perfectly. Um, I don't think that's even possible. But I do feel like I'm doing them in my way, and I'm I'm pleased with that.

Christine 59:40

Like that's a really important point. That now in this time in this society, it is often the mom needs to know what to do, the mom needs to do it all, and then the dad can change the occasional diaper. And it wasn't that long ago that we had, you know, the the cliche kind of village. Like you did have mother, sister, all the moms in the village coming over and feeding you and taking care of baby, even nursing your baby. Like it's it's not normal that you are able to do it all by yourself without. I mean, and why would you when you have all this knowledge, generational knowledge that they can pass on to you, and yet now we feel like that's failing if you know somebody else can do it better or is doing it for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:31

Oh, exactly. Um, and I mean, I I would really hope for no one to have that thought of themselves, because I do think we have such a pressure on ourselves of, you know, we've got to have it all figured out. Um, and we've got to be able to do everything on our own. And I think sometimes we even wear it as a bad badge of honor, like, I did this, you know. And sometimes you'll speak to, you know, because you mentioned about generations and and previous generations who maybe did have to do it on their own because, or whatever it might be the case, they didn't have that support. Um, but but I think it's an amazing thing. And you spoke before about this uh generational knowledge, and actually I missed an important piece of my support network, um, which was that actually my Italian, my Italian nonna, so my great-grandmother, 90 in her 90s, by the way. I don't know if she's 92, okay, from Italy came and was in my home, okay, cooking Italian meals for me. Um, when I tell you, I mean, yeah, it was just it was incredible. I mean, I was so fortunate to have that support, and she did it with so much love. And I just I I mean, it's not so easy to accept the care and love of someone who you feel like, of course. I mean, I should be caring and loving for you, my elderly grandma. But at the same time, I'm like, isn't this a beautiful, wonderful thing? And I'm just gonna embrace it. I'm gonna embrace the love, embrace the support. And I'm so glad I did because my son has now gotten to know his great, great, great grandma.

Christine 1:02:19

How how cool. And what a gift to her, you know, as again, a society that's you know, kind of shoving the elderly out of the way. What a gift to her to be able to support you in that way and to do what she does best, probably is cook for you and take care of you, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:35

Yeah. Oh, yeah, the Italian non is they know how to cook.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:39

I guess you, Julia, can you attest to that if you um my my grandma was here when I was pregnant um with my first son, and I always say that my love language is feeding people. I inherited this love language, like this is very much passed down. Like my grandmother's love language is feeding people, was feeding people, and having her there to nourish me while I was pregnant was a privilege of my life. It was amazing. I have photos of her like making her, oh yes, I I can taste it. Yes, absolutely. I know exactly what you're talking about. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:15

Surprised that I actually managed to somehow, I mean, I haven't lost all the kilos, but I'm surprised given the Italian cooking that I that I managed to lose any because that's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:27

It's it's about nourishment for the whole the whole self, yeah. And we and especially if you're you know, so that that also can um set you up for success for then coming back to sort of a homeostasis of some kind, you know. I think I think that there's something to be said about about the support of good nourishing food and then actually establishing long-term health, like that um sort of a passion of mine, actually. And that's gorgeous. I'm so happy you had that support. That is so wonderful. It sounds like wow, that was a really challenging start, and there's no denying that, and there's no downplaying it, that um you're really set up for success in so many other ways, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:12

Absolutely. Yeah, I think as I said before, it's um I'm very much a believer in you can't have enough support.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:19

You can't have enough support because I think I think that that's such a great way of like thinking about the postpartum. I think I think that's a brilliant way to think about it. You can always say, you know, establish your boundaries if things just aren't really working for you, you know, have that thought beforehand. Okay, I'm gonna have my mom come, I'm gonna have my sister come. With option A, option B, option C, like, you know, what might happen, and then sitting back and allowing that support. Because yeah, I agree with you. There is no such thing as too as too much support.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:50

No, and I think if we if we as I I don't know, I I have a feeling that um it it's kind of going back to what we touched on before about um feeling like we all need to be able to do all these things ourselves to find the strength within you to just do it, conquer it, and figure it out on your own. Um, but that's so much pressure. And it's most of the time, thanks to that, that we find ourselves completely burnt out, burnt out.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:24

Because we also tie our self-worth to that, right? Our self-worth is based on the fact that I can do it all myself. And perhaps, you know, a teenager in my 20s and at university or starting out my jobs, you damn well could do it all by yourself and you rocked it, right? But there comes a time in your life when we're not meant to live as islands, we are social beings.

Gratitude, Community, And Brilliant Moments

SPEAKER_01 1:05:49

Yeah, and it and um a bit like what I was saying with when my husband helped me if you don't give other people a chance to help you. Sometimes you never, you will never know what an invaluable like piece of your life puzzle that person could be to you. Um, and you know, that's what friends and family are for. So let them, let them. But I mean, I'm saying this now, and I've had to go through all of this in order to truly accept that on a real personal level, not just on a professional theoretical level, but really deep down, like, yeah, I need to be okay with letting people help me and letting them help me in their own way and just embracing that it's okay. Um, and I've I've gained so much value from that and still still gaining value from it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:43

Emily, this has been such an amazing conversation. Um before we head off though, Christina, if that's okay with you. Yeah. Before we head off um and say goodbye, which is sad. Actually, I I really am just so loving this conversation and actually going to be thinking about this for a really long time. I really value your openness and honesty and your self-knowledge and self-awareness. That's huge work um on your part, and that's not easy place to get to. Um but before we go, I did have one question for you, and it's a question we ask everyone. It's a 10, it's intentionally vague and open, and it is um through your whole experience of becoming a mother, what would you say has been your most brilliant moment? Oh let me think about that. Take your time, it's intentionally vague.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:44

Because I think brilliant is also quite a I'm wondering have I have I managed to be semi-brilliant in any of this at any point in time. I don't know. Um I think brilliant would maybe be be a far stretch, but I actually know what I'm gonna backtrack that because I I think actually, given what we've been talking about, how crazy it is for any of us women to give birth to a to a child, to go through that process. I mean, that that is brilliant. That is brilliant. I and I did do that somehow. I did do that somehow. And I'm grateful for all of the support that I had to be able to do that. Um, my most brilliant moment was giving birth to my son. I don't know if that's an extremely cliche answer that I just gave, but when I think of brilliant, brilliant, I mean, that probably doesn't even come close, I guess, to giving life to a being. Um and I I'm grateful that I've had the privilege to be able to give birth to a being, and I find that brilliant. So I hope that was an answer. That's my answer.

Christine 1:09:08

Absolutely, yes. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:12

Thank you so much, Emily. Thanks to you both. It's been uh great to share.

Closing And Listener Invitation

SPEAKER_02 1:09:21

Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Swiss Birth Stories. If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd love for you to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an inspiring birth story or expert insight. Your support means the world to us and helps this community grow. So please also take a moment to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more parents to be. Don't forget to share this episode with a friend or loved one who could benefit from it. And be sure to follow us on social media at SwissBirth Stories for even more tips, resources, and updates on upcoming podcast guests, courses, and events. We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and birth stories too. So feel free to DM us, fill out the form on our website, SwissBirthstories.com, or tag us in your posts. Until next time, keep sharing, keep learning, and keep connecting with each other.