About Faith In The Caregiving Trenches with Alejandra Aguilar

Six sand dollars on a quiet walk became the turning point Alejandra Aguilar needed when fear was loud and the next step felt impossible. She joined me to tell the story of becoming a full-time caregiver after her dad’s stroke, while raising two boys as a single mom and helping her mom as dementia began to show up. We talk honestly about what happens when love requires logistics: leaving a steady job, worrying about money, and waking up every day to needs that do not pause.

What I love about Alejandra’s story is how practical her faith is. We get into the gritty reality of caregiver stress and grief, and how prayer can be both a lifeline and a decision you return to again and again. She shares what it was like to watch her dad keep fighting through therapy with gratitude and strength, and how that legacy shaped her sons’ compassion in a way no lecture ever could. If you’re walking through stroke recovery with a parent, caring for a loved one with dementia, or simply trying to stay steady in a hard season, you’ll hear language for the struggle and hope for the next step.

We also talk about the power of Christian community and why isolation makes grief heavier. A retreat with Sarah Thurman and the message of “Small Beginnings” helped Alejandra stop doing life alone, rebuild friendships, and say yes to the tools God placed in front of her. She closes with simple, daily practices that create real change: spending time with God first thing in the morning, showing up anyway, practicing gratitude, and creating with God through art and everyday creativity.

If this conversation encouraged you, subscribe, share it with someone who’s caregiving or grieving, and leave a review so more women can find these stories of faith and endurance.

Transcript

Welcome And How We Met

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Hi, this is Denise Jackson. I am here with Alejandra Aguilar, my friend from two years ago. When I met her, it was just like we were sisters. She and another friend, Margie Castillo, and you might have seen her on the podcast already. We met at a retreat held by Sarah Thurman, and it was really life-changing and was so impactful at that time for all three of us. But uh today we're going to talk about uh Alejandra's stories, the season she had just been going through, and uh how she'd handled it. So, Alejandra, introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself and then just jump on in and tell us about uh this like rocky road you had to walk that God called you to walk.

A Stroke Changes Everything

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Yeah, well, thank you, Denise, for inviting me. And I'm happy and grateful to be here. Um, and to share my story, to share the how God has helped me throughout throughout my journey, throughout throughout my life seasons. And if I can share one or two things to help others, as others have helped me, I'm glad to be here. But my name is Alejandra Aguilar. I'm a mom, I'm a single mom of two amazing boys. Boys, uh my oldest is 27. He'll forever be my baby, and my youngest is 11. He's an 11-year-old um middle schooler. Um, and uh I'm blessed to be a mom to them and and a caregiver to to my mom, a caregiver. So I'm a mom, caregiver, and a school counselor, and been school counseling for 25 years, and I was brought up in a in a beautiful loving home with two parents who who raised us to to believe in God, to have faith in God, to do everything, to do uh everything with faith and love. I was um brought up in a loving home with um four siblings. So that's who I am. I'm I'm so where are you in the order of the siblings? So I'm um the fourth. The fourth, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

And there's five of you. So you're not the youngest, you're the next to the youngest.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yeah, so I'm the the fourth. Um, and we grew up in a loving home, and and and right now we're in the season where my uh three years ago my father passed away, and um I had the the beautiful opportunity to care gift for him and have all those beautiful memories with him and my my um my youngest who's living with me. My oldest is he lives um in San Marcos, but he would come home, so he has a lot of beautiful memories as well. So, and my mother, she's you know, he we um live together and I'm helping caregiving to her. My aunt helps and care gives uh for her during the day.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

She and she's suffering from dementia, and she's just already suffering the beginnings of it. Um, when your father was fine and he was taking care of her, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

But then what happened?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

So then my dad he had a stroke. This was um four years ago, roughly like four years ago, four and a half years ago, he had a stroke, and that was all new to us. Um, um myself and my siblings. Um, we're like the oldest in our cousin, so we've never had other family members gone through with this. So this was all brand new. And he lost his movement on his left side, he wasn't able to move, and and we were faced on what we were gonna do. Yeah. And when I visited him in the hospital, it was just all automatically. Um, I knew without a doubt, you know, like in my heart and my soul said, you know, they took care of us, and now it's our turn to to take care of them. And of course, the ins and outs of figuring out what that was gonna look like had no clue, had no idea, but I knew in my heart that that's what I needed to do. And yeah, and I was um at the time.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

But it still was huge. It was huge because you were looking at to be a full-time caregiver when you were a mom, a s of a single mom of an at-home child, to to give up a job was a significant decision.

Leaving Work To Caregive

SPEAKER_00 4:45

It was just automatic. Like I just and I knew, well, at the time, of course, when I was barely with with the idea that, okay, you know, I'm gonna take care of my dad, I'm gonna leave my job. When that was just like the the beginning of it, I knew that that's what I wanted to do. But of course, when I you know sat in bed and started thinking of the logistics of it, like what am I gonna do with healthcare? What am I gonna do with this? Or you know, the the logistics of it, it was scary. So I asked God, you know, in my moments of prayer and and talking to him, I asked him, it's like I I know, am I so that I'm supposed to take care of my dad? He took care of me. This is what you know, this is what I feel at peace with, but uh is it really what you want me to do? Is is this is really what you want me to do? Please, I know that sometimes I feel in my heart that that's what you're asking me to do, but sometimes I'm wrong. If I keep it wrong, so maybe this is another time. I I really need you to, you know, to to to tell me if this is really what I need to do, if this is what you're asking, and isn't that what Alejandra wants to do? Because at the time I I was on uh family leave, so I was able to, you know, to kind of um spend time with God and walking on the seawall, um walking on the beach and spending time with uh with God and asking him what I needed to do, just you know, trying to wrap everything on um on his guidance. And then um when I asked him, when I had prayed to him, like for him to tell me clearly, because I I I needed it to hear it from him, I was walking on my beach on my regular self-caring day, walking on the seawall, when which I have done for for weeks already, and here I am finding six sand dollars. So when I saw that six sand dollars, it was significant to me because I had walked on the seawall so many times and and I had found all kinds of beautiful shells, large shells, small shells, but never had I found a whole sand dollar. And to find six of them and to find large, um, they weren't just small, they were a huge. I knew immediately that that was my answer to prayer. Like when I saw them, without a doubt, just gave you peace, like he had answered. Like, yes. And at that moment, it was not only peace and confirmation I was gonna do, but he I felt that he was telling God was telling me everything's gonna be okay. Like those thoughts that I was getting like about the insurance, or how was I gonna do it financially, or you know, because you know, my my parents there, a retired uh mechanic, a retired um housekeeper. I mean, they didn't have any income or savings or anything like that. So but at that moment when I saw the sand dollars, he was telling me everything's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Well, and you know, I was just thinking about the sand dollars, that was six, and six uh in that situation was you, your two sons, your dad, your mom, God.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yes, yes, you weren't gonna be doing it.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

You were you were taking care of all of these people, but you were really the one that wasn't taking care of everything. God was taking care of everything. And I feel like, you know, even in that, it was so definite that I'm here for you. And you still have to lean in. Now, was it easy? Like, were there days when it was oh it everything was terrible and you still turned to God, or were there days when it was really hard and you didn't?

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yeah, so it was a little bit of a mixture of both because yeah. So as humans, I mean, every everything, um, I mean, life happens and everything, but I do do see that whenever um those frustrating moments or um and what what do frustrating moments look like? Oh, well, the finances are dwindling and it's like what am I gonna do? Or, you know, how are we gonna buy the next bag of fruit? But it but everything, um, you know, God provided. And, you know, a lot of times, as poor as you know, um, taking care of two parents, you know, they're they were uh already up in age and you know, bickering about simple things you mum with my mom's dementia, you know, that was frustrating, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

But God gave me that the joy in the midst of all that to be able to continual renewing, so we can fall, we can fall, and we will because we're in flesh. Yeah, we have a soul, uh, mind, will, and emotions that just get bombarded by what's in the world and Satan, he tries to distract us. Um, but so it's got you're gonna fall. So you might as well accept that you're gonna fall, but but it's the getting back up that matters. It's like going back and crawling back on your dad's lap and saying, okay, and what next? Because I have no clue.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

And when you it and when you keep um, you know, place God asks us to just place another step forward and He He He guides the other step and He gives us the next thing that we need to do or the next tool, you know, to have to be able to get us through through that moment. And that's one thing that I've learned in that season and that hardship of, you know, I was a worker, you know, for since I was 15. And then all of a sudden I had no job. It's like I didn't, you know, I didn't know, but like what that would look like, but every everything, every I was able to do things that that were beautiful, beautiful memories that I created with my my father.

The Sand Dollars Sign

SPEAKER_01 10:14

I was able to Yeah, talk about that a little bit. Like your dad, I mean, that had to be so hard that he was one day this vibrant man and then he couldn't move. Uh, how did he react through that time?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

You and and I think that's the beauty in it. As hard as it was, I I look back and it was just beautiful because he everything that he was, he showed it in that difficult moment, which he was a man of faith. He never gave up. I mean, to his last days, uh, he was following the doctor's orders, he was following what that his physical therapists were telling him. So, yes, it was hard for him, but everything that he who he was showed in that moment in those hardships. And I was telling my sons the other day, it's just like Papa Tomas, he never gave up. You know, that's something that he taught us. He never gave up, he had no movement, but we never saw him down. We saw him grateful for what he was able to do. So we saw his strength, even when he had no movement, we saw his strength that he was still he was still doing everything that he could to be able to have movement, and he did. We did see see him move and he was able to do things, he was able to sit up, he was able to play board games with us and my son. That's right. That's great. So we it so I look back, yes, as hard as it was for him not to have movement, but just to see him so full of faith, so full of love, so full of life, even when he had no movement to appreciate is just it was um he was very strong. Yes, even when he had no movement, he was very strong, just the same as when he was strong whenever he had movement and he was able to fix cars and he was able to do everything because he was strong in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Yeah, he was strong and showing us was there always through all of it.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Yes, so it it was it was beautiful to see, and and and everything that I was able to do because you know I didn't have my job, yes, you know, it was financially a struggle, but I was able to do a a lot more things that I wasn't able to do whenever I was working, getting busy, which was building that stronger relationship with God to have those moments with God.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

So speaking of that, so your dad did die. Yes, and then you were really in a grieving period for a while, almost a year. Uh, but then you ended up at this retreat with Sarah Thurman. Maybe you could talk about that a little bit, about Sarah, how you met her, and then just tell us about that.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah, so God has a beautiful way. He he already know, like if it's something we learned and we know now, it's like he knows our uh he knows our beginning and our end, and he gives us everything that we need to get through every season because he already knows what we're gonna go through. So rewind all the way before my dad had a stroke. I met Sarah Thurman at Fredericksburg at a girls' trip with my sisters. I was there, you know, shopping and I um met her, fell in love with her work, with her, you know, her artwork, with her book that had that helped me through my journey. That was helped me through my journey and everything that I went through with my my father. I remember there was times that I was just sitting there with no energy, you know, um exhausted, physically exhausted, because it's physically exhausting to take care, to be the primary uh caregiver. And there I hear, you know, or I pick up the book. I pick up her book and and I and I hear hear something in her book that touches my heart and blessed me. Yeah, that helps me to uh create.

Money Stress And Daily Faith

SPEAKER_01 14:00

So he's already giving you the resources when you needed them. Yeah, that's it. Yes. And her book, Small Beginnings, is such a good book because it just talks about like don't despise our small beginnings. That's what God tells us. He gives us what wherever we are, whatever's going on in our lives right now. If you can trust him, then you know that that's where he wants you. Maybe you don't like your boss, maybe you're in a bad situation with your family, maybe you're in a bad situation with a friendship, um, or you don't like where you're living, uh, your living situation. But God says that he gives you the land. So wherever you are, he's given you that land and he wants you to take that back and redeem it. So you need to give it your best in those situations. And that's what you did, Alandra. It wasn't an easy situation that God put you in. And he actually took away some of your land at that point because you were before that helping kids as a counselor. But he said, no, right now, this is your land. This is a small area and an important area. And look, all these years later, we're talking about it and encouraging. I hope if you're out there listening to this today, that you're hearing Alejandra and and the hard choices that she made that blessed her life. Okay, continue to tell us because there's more to this story.

A Father’s Strength After Stroke

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yes, to bless my life and my and my son's um life as well. Just see just seeing their compassion shine through it all. You know, I could pick up any book and teach them about compassion, but they're seeing it firsthand and and and they're they're doing it. And then so now fast forwarding to I knew Sarah Thurman, you know, her book and everything. And then here I'm in the season of grieving, you know, grieving my dad, you know, and grieving alone. I was grieving alone so that way, you know, but I was showing up anyway, you know, that's something that I learned, even that's something I learned from my mom. Even when you're not feeling it, put on the lipstick and you know, show up anyway. Go, go, go to church, you know, show up anyway, even when you're feeling gloomy as can be, because it helps. We draw near to God and He draws near to us. This is every single tool. So then I'm feeling sad, you know, uh missing my dad, you know, just reflecting and I didn't um know what I was gonna do next, you know. I there was not a counseling position open. Um, I didn't know anything about looking for a job online. I mean, I had been doing school counseling for over 20 years, so I had no clue like where to begin, and I was just asking God for guidance. And then I see that um Sarah's uh retreat was coming up, and I knew at that moment, because that's one thing that I've learned is like God gives you every tool. So even when you don't feel like feel like feel it, just say yes. All he wants us is to say yes, and he takes care of it. And at the time, I didn't even have money to pay for the retreat. To be honest, I didn't even that's not the sure because you didn't have a job and you've been there for a long time. And so then I I believe that, but then God provided it. It was it, I I can't remember even how because there was there's been so many times when there was zero money, but God provided in this way or or this shape or this form.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

I remember you telling me the story, but I can't remember it either. The details yeah, that's like$200 and then$200 or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Yes, and I think we were able to pay for for um a certain part, and then after a while, like I mean, I was able to, you know, um pay the rest, but it was a a beautiful thing of how was uh how I was able to pay for it and and uh go through I don't know if it was like income tax time or what have you, but I I was able to um pay for it and it was a beautiful because that's God knew exactly what I needed at that moment, yeah. And um, and when I went, it was a huge uplifter, it was an uplifter, and God showed me that community is important, yeah. And I immediately met you, Denise. I'm um all the the beautiful women that were there, it it was it was God letting me know, is like, no, don't do this alone, don't don't grieve on your on alone. And ever since that retreat, I haven't done anything alone. You know, I I I continue to um you know build beautiful friendships, you know, um, both at work or um, you know, reconnect with um old friends. That's a prayer, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

If you're alone, God says uh it's not good for you to be alone. So then lift that up to him and be open because your friend may not be something, somebody that you expect. It may be somebody that you're thinking, oh, we would never be friends. And he could end up making that relationship one of the strongest in your life. So you got to open your heart, you gotta open your heart to God, ask and expect, and then let him open the doors to other people. Sometimes it's like the way that you're gonna get uh relationships is that you see somebody that needs help and you serve. And then you see another person that needs help and you serve, and then you run into a person that's just like you because I do remember the moment we met. I saw you, you looked kind of lost in your car and driving up to the thing about that place. I was by myself because they'd all gone somewhere to get uh some supplies, and so I was by myself, and I was one of the first ones there. And I saw uh Alex and she was looking totally lost, and I was like, Yeah, and then immediately it's like we knew each other. Yeah, it was like we knew each other, and then we root we bumped together because I had just gotten there and we were getting there, so we bumped together. We we had so much fun, and Margie uh and some other girls, but we really it was just like three days of they seemed like they were years because we got to know each other so deeply and so well. Uh and what a blessing that was.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

We walked away with a lot of beautiful tools that I used to do.

Grief And The Retreat Yes

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Yes, yes, yes. Uh so if God's calling you to a retreat to get away with him, listen, girls, listen. Um okay, so while we were there at that retreat, God just put on my heart to look up. I asked Alejandra, what does your name mean? And she said, Well, I don't know. And so I looked it up, and it means protector of mankind, strong warrior, able to fight for others. That is Alejandra. And what's so amazing to me is that that is exactly who she has been through this whole process with her father, with her mom, uh, for her boys, for all of these children that she counsels. She is a protector of mankind. She's not the protector. The protector pours his Holy Spirit into her to give her the tools, like she's talking about, to be able to equip his people and her territory in her school, around her house, on that seawall. Those are all places that every place her foot touches is blessed because Alejandra lives there. I just I love the truth of God's word. I love it so much. I hope you're being drawn into his word today. Alejandra, can you give us a little advice uh for those younger women out there that might be listening to um that you'd say, I wish that I'd known this earlier and this is what I do now. Uh, and it'd be great for you.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Yeah, so well, there's many things and sometimes um the simple things are are go a long way. So I will I will mention there's a lot of things, but I think I will uh mention um some simple things that I I do, but they're very very powerful in my life and my um in my walk with with God. And um one thing is to to draw near to him and he draws near to us. Well, what does that look like? Waking up every morning, and that's the first thing that I do is I spend time with God. You know, I I spend time with God and I feel it. I feel the the the days that you know I wake up thinking about I have to do this or that and and I'm maybe it was just two minutes versus like the my regular 15 or 20 minutes with God, I feel that the difference. So if if one thing that I could tell my younger self is is wake up every morning and spend time with God first before anything. So if you if you're young and you're going through things and if I were wake up every single morning and spend time with him. And if your schedule, if you're a college student or if your schedule permits more time, create with God. Create someone and and caregiving, and I didn't have a job. I had mom I had an opportunity to create with God. I learned through Sarah Thurman a hundred days of creating with God. And and I started off scribbling uh drawings, and then now I'm I'm doing a children's book. I'm almost finished uh painting it. I did all the illustrations. Oh, that's awesome. So in and if you're if you don't know what direction you need to go, spend time with God creating, whether that's with flowers or whether uh creating a bouquet of flowers because as you or cooking or or building or whatever is your yes passion, wherever you can find some passion.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I like to just throw paint on things, it can be old furniture, it can be my hallway, and now because of Sarah too, yes, throw paint on a canvas and see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Because we create we create a self-care, and at the same time, we're spending time with God. And and when you're creating, you're you you hear God, you hear um the direction that He wants that He's guiding you, and it's because He's the creator and His Spirit has been poured out in you.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

So when you say, Oh, I can't, the truth is, yes, you can.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

You haven't found that yet in your heart, but it's it's one more tool, as Alex says, that uh enables us to thrive. When you know, we went through really watching uh some children drown uh during the flood in Kerrville, and it and it really broke my heart because I've gone through these floods before, and I knew um the pain of losing people that I've loved. And I just was overwhelmed with the pain of the parents uh that were going through the loss of their babies. And I I uh poured it out into a painting. And when I painted it and remembered that God had shown me that Ford was with him, my brother who died when he was 18, he was with him. Uh and that where I was, I had work to do, and where Ford is, he has work to do. It just was a reminder that these little girls, uh, though they're not present in this world anymore, have work to do and they're good and they're safe and they're with the Father. Uh and we still have work to do where we are, and we need to do it well. We need to get with our dad and we need to walk in a manner worthy of this calling of Jesus Christ in our life, and we need to not stop until we meet them again, and we will.

Daily Prayer And Creating With God

SPEAKER_00 25:55

So, anyway, you can take in those like those hardships that you mentioned to show up anyway, even whenever you you don't you don't feel like it is to show up anyway, and and what has helped me in most difficult times is to show up that I showed up anyway. I still went to church even when I was in that mood, or to get in those moments of gratitude. I just stop and I thank God for uh everything that I have because everything's a blessing in the midst of the storm, everything, everything's a blessing in the midst of my storms. Um, he uplifted me. And then when the when the storm uh you know comes, we always hear, you know, the sunshine comes after the storm, the rainbows come after the storm, and they did. And you know, it was very hard, you know, through everything that I that I um that I lived in that season when my father, he, you know, I was the the primary caregiver and left my job and everything. And here, you know, through it all, God opened doors. I was able to get a part-time job at the school that I currently work at as a tutor, and then now I'm back to school counseling and that door opened in October. Didn't open in October, it opened in October. So he opens door, he provides. And then do not be scared if you if God is guiding you and asking you to do something that is outside of what you normally would do. Let go of this trust him. Yeah, if I would tell, let go of the steering wheel and let God guide you. Just step back, just step back. He's gonna take you to amazing places and he's going to provide for every bump that comes along the way. He's gonna provide every resource, everything that you need to get through.

Prayer Over Listeners And How To Reach Us

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Praise God. That's good advice. Um, okay, so let me just pray um for us all. Father God, I just thank you for Alejandra, uh, that she's the protector of mankind. I believe we all are called to stand in the gap for your people, uh, for all the people, and your will is that all men be saved. So we pray for that every day uh and put us in the position to be light and darkness. Father, I'm I especially ask for those that are walking through a hard, hard season, whether it's being a caregiver, uh to a family member. Uh, I just pray for peace uh to accompany their borders. Um, I thank you, Father, that uh you give them wisdom and you give them joy in the season to recognize those moments they will never get back and to just enjoy them, to just stop and rest. Father, I just ask that you would strengthen them to stand uh with whatever they're facing in their lives, whether it is a hard job or a hard marriage or a hard uh season with their children, strengthen them to stand, put the word, uh, your word into their heart so it comes out of their mouth. Uh help them to see your hand, your your very present help in their time of need. Uh, we just pray, Father, that you would be mighty on behalf of your daughters today, in the name of Jesus. And we send amen. Amen. Um, okay, girls, we love you. We're so glad you joined us today, Alex Aguilar and Denise Jackson. We love you very much. And um, you know, if you're blessed by one of these stories, we just hope you'll let us know. And if you need prayer, always you can let us know on Facebook or Messenger or on YouTube or on one of the podcasts, and we will be praying for you because that is the most important thing that we can do in this life is pray for one another. We love you. God bless you.