S1E4 Ya Can't Avoid Every Pothole, But Yinz Can Take the Wheel

Living with intention means taking the wheel of your life instead of letting it happen to you. We explore practical strategies for making deliberate choices that align with your values and create the life you actually want. 

• Moving from autopilot living to intentional decision-making
• Why setting boundaries might make others uncomfortable—and why that's okay
• How meditation and mindfulness can shift your nervous system from fight-or-flight to rest-and-recover
• Understanding your "why" as a foundation for intentional choices
•  Making small, consistent changes rather than attempting complete life overhauls 
• Using intentional practices to navigate burnout, stagnation, and unexpected setbacks
• The importance of giving yourself grace during the transition to more intentional living

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Living with Intention
• 4:14 Drifting vs Driving Your Life
• 8:39 What Living with Intention Means
• 12:11 Setting Boundaries and Facing Resistance
• 16:33 Three Steps to Intentional Living
• 19:49 Understanding Your Nervous System
• 22:26 Moving Forward with Purpose

Transcript

Sherry: 0:00

Hello, welcome to this. Is it the podcast by Thriving Yinzers, where we talk about navigating life with clarity, purpose and a whole lot of resilience?

Jodi: 0:08

Today we're diving into a topic that we don't always take the time to think about Living with intention and owning your life. It's stepping off autopilot and making conscious, deliberate choices to create the life you actually want.

Sherry: 0:21

Real quick, before we get into it... a reminder that we're just two yinzer ladies here shooting the shit, talking about life. We're not licensed therapists or counselors or medical professionals. So if you are going through something and need support, we really encourage you to reach out to someone qualified who can help you through it. There's no shame. All right, let's get into it.

Sherry: 0:38

On one of our recent episodes, we talked about getting through life on autopilot, because often we wake up, we go through the motions and, before we know it, days, sometimes years, have passed without us truly feeling in control. I always say it's like a hamster on the wheel of life. We're constantly in motion and then one day, as life passes by in a blur, we're asking ourselves how did I get here? And is this where I want to be? Is it too late? And what do I do now?

Jodi: 1:08

But, what if we could change that? Today, we'll talk about what it means to live with intention, why it's so important, and share some simple, practical ways to take ownership of your life, starting today.

Sherry: 1:14

So, what it's really about is figuring out if you're drifting or driving. Do you ever feel like life is just happening to you? It's a tough realization. We let routines, obligations, even fear, dictate our choices and before we know it, we're just drifting.

Jodi: 1:30

Living with intention is taking the wheel, setting a direction and deciding where it is you want to go.

Sherry: 1:35

I found one of the biggest indicators that you're drifting is that feeling of being stuck, overwhelmed or even unfulfilled, and trust me, we get that. Most of my life was spent drifting. All of these things were happening the achievements, the milestones, the awful times too, and everything in between. But life was just flying by and it seemed like I was handling it all. I thought I had it all together, and then I had several health issues that forced me to slow down. And once I slowed down, that's when I realized how much I wasn't even close to having control over my life. And somewhere along the way, I found a book out there called the Body Keeps the Score, and let me tell you it sure does, and I was definitely losing. That book was written by Dr Bessel van der Kolk. It explains how our traumatic experiences get stored in the body and affects our health in ways that people don't realize. In the book he discusses various treatment approaches, like therapy, mindfulness and movement, that can help people heal and regain control of their lives.

Sherry: 2:34

In my quest to manage trigeminal neuralgia, along with recovering from repeated and multiple types of brain injuries, while also in the busiest season of my life, I learned about the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, and by learning about those things it helped me to find my way forward, because it helped me to shift my perspective. I made a decision to live a life of intention, and it was that decision that changed everything for me. So today we want to share some of that with you.

Jodi: 3:01

So what does it actually mean to live with intention? When I started hearing people talk about living with intention, I got to tell you it irritated me, like what the hell does it even mean? But does this sound familiar? You wake up, grab your phone, you start checking and replying to texts and emails before your feet even hit the ground. You start getting ready for work and you're thinking about whatever else is coming at you. You spend 10 minutes looking for your car keys, head to work, with that feeling in your gut like there's something you're forgetting. Yeah, that's the exact opposite of living with intention. So what living with intention is really about, at least for me, it's being in the present moment. It's thinking about is my energy going where it needs to go, or the things that I'm doing right for me? And when you take that step back and you start thinking of things that way and you start planning ahead a little bit, that's living with intention. So think about, like now when I wake up in the morning, I don't touch my phone. I do the things that I know are good for me to do first. I don't check my phone until I'm at my desk and I'm ready to go, and I've already done my stretching and my meditating. And then I start thinking about how I'm responding to things and what truly deserves and needs my response. Not everything needs immediate response from you.

Sherry: 4:22

Right. Yeah, and that's a hard one. It's so ingrained in us as a people, as a society, that you know we're not meant to be so connected and wired to each other to have to respond immediately. So living with intention means that you start focusing less on others' reactions and more on how you carry yourself and protect what's important to you. And that might mean taking that time in the morning to center yourself, to ground yourself, to do whatever you need to do to make sure that you're taking care of yourself before you can, you know, get into all of the things. It's like there's a reason on the airline where they tell you you have to put on your own mask first, because you can't even help anybody else if you're not taking care of yourself. So living intentionally means aligning your actions with what actually matters to you. It means saying yes to what is supporting your growth and no to the things that drain you. And believe me, when you first start doing that, people might not understand, especially if you've always been the one to say yes, if you've been the one to keep the peace, if you pushed yourself past your limits.

Sherry: 5:25

When you start setting boundaries and slowing down and choosing what's best for you, not what's most convenient for others, it can feel uncomfortable all around, not just for you but for the people around you and and I mean people may question it, they may take it personally.

Jodi: 5:40

Also, sometimes, when you change something dramatic, you change a behavior. I think it's a natural inclination that people will sometimes start seeing it from their own. Am I doing something wrong? People get sensitive and the thing about it is you can't take that personally. You may hear things, you know- you're different. Why are you being difficult? Especially when the truth is your choices sometimes may have served someone else's comfort, and now you're learning to put yourself first, and it's not selfish, it's healthy and it's necessary and it's okay. And the people that matter, even if they first don't like it, if they care about you, they're going to understand that and everybody will come around and everyone that comes into contact with you will be better for it too, because they're getting a better version of you.

Sherry: 6:26

Right, you're able to show up better for the people around you, even though it feels like pulling away at first. Sure, so some people might test your boundaries. They might test your boundaries or they may even pull away, and that really hurts, especially when it comes from people you love. But if your peace makes someone else uncomfortable, it might be because they were putting it all on you and relying on your burnout. So living with intention is deciding how you show up and protecting what matters most.

Jodi: 6:53

Yes, 100% and honestly. People may also surprise you. I actually just had a situation recently where somebody that I often stepped in and helped had asked me to do something. And I just felt like what I was being asked was just something I couldn't do, and typically I would have figured out a way and done all the things and I just said I'm really sorry, but I can't do this. And the response that I got was actually shockingly positive. It was I understand and I said I love you, I just can't. And it was I understand and I love you too, and I'll talk to you soon. And it was fine. And I do find too, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And also, I know, for me, by taking those shifts, to make conscious and deliberate choices and to think about where my energy needs to go and just doing a little bit of pre-planning and asking myself the question is what I'm about to do serving my bottom line? I feel like I'm back in the driver's seat. I feel so much more in control, I feel more confident, I just feel better. I actually just ran into someone and they said you look like you're carrying yourself different or something. You look better, you look like just different. And I thought, yeah, because I feel better, I feel different, because I'm finally starting to feel like I'm actually in charge of my life.

Sherry: 8:07

Right, and it's the boundaries that are protecting you and protecting your peace. And living this way, I think, really brings clarity and you start to see your relationships more clearly and you begin to see yourself more clearly. You said it's like this is what I need. I need the space to be able to say yes to the things that help support you and your growth and even your peace, and no to the things that are too much. So that kind of clarity builds strength, even in those seasons that do feel ...

Jodi: 8:36

Well, sure, and doing that helps bring that clarity too. Because I feel like when we're not living with intention, when we're just responding, reacting to things, and you know, you start hearing those things like ask yourself, what's your why, what's your purpose? You can't even define it. You just can't because you just don't. You're all over the place. And until you start that stopping and taking the step back and being intentional, it's nearly impossible to have the clarity to know what's right and wrong for you. Once you take that step back, then it's so much easier. Over time, some of those same people just like the example I gave about when I took the stand and I was met with love instead of discord. You know, over time, some people in your life, they'll come back around, even if things are difficult and uncomfortable for them in the beginning. When you start saying no, they may become curious, they may even become inspired by the change in you and if they don't, they're showing you something about themselves as well.

Sherry: 9:36

Right, so we do grow through our discomfort, and that can be for you or the people around you. So, if you are in an uncomfortable space where you have started to say no and started to slow down and started making different decisions, it's okay. You can keep going and and you may feel resistance, and that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It usually means you're doing something new and that's where growth happens.

Jodi: 10:00

Exactly, the first times I really stood and held firm to boundaries that I decided I needed to set, I would get physically sick, my hands would shake, I'd break out in a sweat, all because I was going to say no to someone, and it was really, really difficult and I can say that. Does it still sometimes make me uncomfortable? Sure, do I still sometimes have feelings of guilt? Absolutely, but it does get easier every time you choose yourself. And it's not about shutting somebody out, the other person, the person that you might be met with, saying no. It gives them more opportunity to grow and see their own strength whenever they're not able to. Well for sure. It's like the thing with your kids, right? Child therapists say it all the time when you do something for your child instead of letting them do it for themselves, you're giving them the impression that they can't do it. But when you say, you know, do it, go clean up, go pack your own lunch today, because you're capable of packing your own lunch today, then you're letting them know they're capable of doing that. So, in a way, when you have a boundary, it's really a place of love for the person as well.

Sherry: 11:09

Exactly Right. But that's a hard shift, especially as a nurturer, because we think that we need to swoop in and answer every request and demand. I'm still a work in progress. We all are. Well, that's the thing- we all are and we always will be. But it's really about bringing peace into your daily life and aligning your actions with what truly matters to you and saying yes to the things that serve your growth and no to the things that drain you. It doesn't mean.. and this is another hard part... it doesn't mean that there isn't any trouble or that there aren't hard things to face. But living with intention helps you when you're in the midst of those things and somehow you're still able, in some ways, to find calmness in your heart and find some joy in each day.

Jodi: 11:53

Yes, it's that awareness and consistent effort. It's choosing what aligns with your goals, even in those small ways every day, and by doing that consistently when things are good, when things are bad and shit blows up in your face, it tends to help you get back on track a little quicker.

Sherry: 12:11

Right.

Jodi: 12:11

So, let's get into the practical side of things. How do we start living with intention? Here's three key steps. First, get clear on what you want. Take some time to think about what truly matters to you. What kind of life do you want to create? What's your why?

Jodi: 12:26

Getting clear on those things gives you that motivation to keep taking positive steps forward, even on the days when you just want to quit.

Sherry: 12:33

And, in the motivational spaces you hear this a lot knowing your why... know your why and Jodi was talking about this earlier, but there's a reason why it's so prevalent because knowing your why really does hold so much power, and the reason is... it gives your actions purpose and direction, instead of just going through the motions. You're making choices that aligns with what truly matters to you, and then, when the challenges come up, your why is what keeps you motivated, helping you push through when you want to give up. It also helps you filter out all the distractions and focus on what moves you forward. So, living with intention starts by understanding why you're doing something, because when you know that every small step becomes part of a bigger, more meaningful journey, and when you have that type of mindset, it keeps you from falling back into habits and patterns that no longer serve you and it allows you to make choices that align with your goals and the life that you truly want to build.

Sherry: 13:30

My why, like a lot of us, is my kids and the life that you truly want to build. My why, like a lot of us, is my kids. Each of them has their own story, their own experiences with trauma and loss. Two went through foster care and adoption, carrying the weight of early instability, while my other two experienced loss in different ways, but regardless of their different experiences, they all needed the same thing: security, stability and a parent they could count on. When we lost their grandfather to brain cancer, it was another reminder of how fragile life can be. I knew then that if I wanted to be there for them, truly be there, I had to make my health my number one priority. They deserved a mom who was present, strong and well, and that meant making the choice to take care of myself, starting that very moment when I realized it.

Jodi: 14:12

So, your first step is getting clear on what you want and why you want it. Once you've got that, the next one is making decisions with purpose. Before committing to doing something, ask does it align? If not, it might be time to say no.

Sherry: 14:26

Yeah. Making decisions with purpose also means making intentional choices each day that bring you closer to that why. As I mentioned, my why is to make sure that I'm around for my kids. So, it was important for me to get a hold of my health situation.

Sherry: 14:41

A turning point for me was when a friend suggested meditation.

Sherry: 14:45

And, I'm not going to lie, I was pretty damn pissed off that she had the audacity to assume that meditation would fix things for me. But a few days later I thought what the hell? And I downloaded a meditation app and you know what? It was then that I started getting intentional about the choices that I made throughout each day. Because it turns out that when I allowed myself to sit in stillness, I began to understand what was actually happening with my body and how all the little choices were either having a positive impact or wrecking havoc on my nervous system. I realized that I had been in survival mode for a very long time and your body can only stay in that state for so long. And that's when I learned about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems and by understanding that, I was able to get more intentional about my life. And I'm super grateful that that suggestion was made by my friend and I would never think of punching her in the face anyway, but just to show how like deeply angered I was and just not understood. So, it's a hard place to be in.

Jodi: 15:45

Right,

Sherry: 15:45

and that made me feel in that moment that nobody gets this.

Jodi: 15:49

Well, I mean, you're in that fight or flight mode. You're stuck there for so long. Somebody says, oh, you should meditate. And you're like, yeah, so we talk about the parasympathetic nervous system a lot and there's a reason. So here's a quick explanation. Non-medical, just us talking explanation. The sympathetic nervous system is your fight or flight mode. It's like pressing the gas pedal. It kicks in when you're stressed, in danger, in pain. Your heart rate speeds up, your muscles tense, your body gets ready to fight or run. It's really useful in emergencies. It gets us through a lot of shit, but when it stays too long, then it starts to wear you down and then your parasympathetic nervous system, your rest and recovery mode, is like pressing the brakes. It helps you calm down, lowers your stress, helps you heal. It's what allows you to relax and sleep well and recover from illness and injury.

Sherry: 16:45

Yeah, so for me, with trigeminal neuralgia, a facial pain condition, a history of multiple brain injuries and a state of chronic stress, my sympathetic system tends to act like it's stuck on that accelerator that you were talking about. My body constantly thinks it's in crisis mode and that can make pain worse and it can also keep one from fully healing. That's why managing stress is so crucial. Intentional practices like taking a few minutes to yourself for deep breathing, minutes to yourself for deep breathing, a mindfulness exercise or intentional rest helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which is your restful state, which allows your body to slow down, recover and function better. And we'll talk more about those actual practices in another episode, but for now, remembering that in all the little decisions that you make each day, you're either pouring into yourself or chipping away at it. And if you keep that, in all the little decisions that you make each day, you're either pouring into yourself or chipping away at it, and if you keep that thought in the forefront of your mind, it's sort of guides you through your day and the choices that you make, and you'll begin to move toward living a more intentional life.

Jodi: 17:48

Right, which brings us to the third takeaway taking small, consistent actions. You don't have to completely overhaul your life overnight. Make one intentional decision every day, whether it's how you're spending your time, who you're around, the habits you cultivate. I've noticed if I start scrolling on my phone, it doesn't relax me, it ends up making me feel worse, and I have to notice that and I have to not let it happen. It's a time sink that doesn't serve me. So I am much better off when, if I have to notice that and I have to not let it happen, it's a time sink. That doesn't serve me. So I am much better off when, if I have enough time to scroll on my phone, I have enough time to take a quick walk or actually read a book or something. That's going to create a better feeling in me than just mindlessly scrolling.

Sherry: 18:29

That's right. Oh, and this isn't something to treat like the newest exercise craze or the new diet that you're starting. It's not about being rigid. You have to remember to give yourself grace, because you're not going to just jump in and lead this intentional guru type life.

Jodi: 18:44

No, nor do you have to.

Sherry: 18:46

Right. It's just about being mindful of those things, the things that take time to think about when you're on the hamster wheel of life, playing whack-a-mole, you know. So, give yourself grace and be mindful of the choices that are moving you closer toward the life that you want. But once you go in that direction and you find yourself there, you don't find yourself there. You take yourself there when you're living intentionally.

Sherry: 19:06

And living with intention helps, especially when you're exhausted, when you're stuck or when you're facing a setback that you didn't ask for. We talked about how burnout drains you. We talked about how autopilot numbs you. We talked about how big life setbacks can completely derail you, and when you're in those places, it's easy to feel like life is just happening to you and you're like, wtf, what the hell is happening? And your only job is to endure it. And you get caught in survival mode and reacting to whatever comes next without a moment to breathe, let alone choose.

Sherry: 19:39

But training your mind to live in intention disrupts that cycle and that's why it's so important, because it's bringing awareness and purpose to even the smallest moments. It's asking what matters right now. What do I need? What's one choice that I can make that moves me forward, however slowly, it's that shift. If it's a quiet shift or a messy shift that starts to create momentum. So, when you're burned out, intention helps you reclaim your energy and direct it toward what fills you back up.

Sherry: 20:13

When you're on autopilot, intention invites you to slow down and reconnect with your why, so that you're not just constantly moving but moving with meaning. And when you've been knocked down by life, intention becomes your anchor. It helps you steady yourself and start again with clarity, rather than waiting to feel ready or be totally healed. So, over time, living intentionally reshapes how we respond to stress, how you make decisions, how you care for yourself. How you rebuild, you start showing up differently for others and for yourself, and that's where the real change begins. So that's a wrap on today's episode.

Sherry: 20:58

Living with intention and owning your life is not about having it all figured out, but it's showing up for yourself every day with purpose and clarity.

Jodi: 21:06

We hope this episode inspires you to take a step toward a more intentional life. And, hey, we'd love to hear from you what's one way you're choosing to be more intentional this week. Drop us a message. We would really genuinely love to hear from you.

Sherry: 21:19

Yep, and don't forget to celebrate those wins. Remember our hashtag #4Wins4Yinz and keep track of those things. Give yourself a shout out for something you did that's good for yourself.

Jodi: 21:29

It really does make a difference. Thanks for joining us today. Until next time, keep going, keep growing, because this is it.

Sherry: 21:37

If something here spoke to you, please take a second to make sure you are following the show in your favorite podcast platform. Leave us a rating or a quick review and share it with some friends and family. Every follow and review helps us reach more people. This is it Make it happen.

Sherry: 21:52

This podcast is a product of Thriving Yinzers LLC, a home services business that helps you reclaim your time and space. We conquer overwhelm by tackling your to-do list with services like organizational coaching, home decluttering, in-home laundry service and personalized lifestyle assistance. To learn more, visit us at thrivingyenzerscom. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a trusted professional or crisis hotline in your area. Help is available 24-7, nationwide at the 988-SUICIDE-IN-CRISIS lifeline Dial 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor for free and confidential support. If you are local to the Pittsburgh area, resolve Crisis Services offers 24-7 crisis intervention and stabilization services to all Allegheny County residents. You can reach them by calling 1-888-796-8226.

Sherry: 22:39

Okay, here comes the legalese, the oopsies and the yinzerese. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content shared is based on personal experiences and perspectives. Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered professional advice. Thriving Yinzers LLC, its hosts or any associated parties are not liable for any actions taken or consequences arising from the information provided. The views expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of any organizations or affiliations.

Sherry: 23:07

All right, okay, ready, ready. I already fucked it up. Wait, hold on. Okay, ready, ready, I already fucked it up. Wait, hold on. Okay, they were diving Blah, blah, blah. Hold on, I need a drink of water, not vodka.

Sherry: 23:29

Today's lesson in Yinzerese.

Sherry: 23:37

gum band

Sherry: 23:38

Pronunciation: Gum band

Sherry: 23:41

Translation: rubber band

Sherry: 23:48

In a sentence: Hand me a gum band so I can wrap up this pierogi dough. What it means? It's what Pittsburghers call a rubber band. No one's really sure why, but if you grew up in the Burgh you didn't question it.

Sherry: 23:58

Tangled up in life? Stretch into something better. This is it, the podcast by

Sherry: 24:03

Thriving

Sherry: 24:04

Yenzers

Sherry: 24:04

.