The Beginner's Guide to Driving in Clarksville

In this hilariously relatable episode of Clarksville Insider, host Josh Atkins dives into the everyday chaos of driving in Clarksville, Tennessee, covering everything from the Magical Mystery Lane on Madison Street to the town's newest obsession/nemesis: roundabouts. Whether you're a long-time local who remembers when half these roads were cow paths or a newcomer wondering why the speed limit changes three times in a single mile, this episode is your must-hear survival guide to the quirks of Clarksville traffic. Tune in for humor, local insight, and a few gentle jabs at the roads we love to hate—because if you know, you know.

Transcript

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Hey there friends and welcome back to Clarksville Insider. The podcast where we talk about all things Clarksville, Tennessee, from the best hidden food spots and the stuff that nobody warns you about until it's too late. I try to make a left turn on Wilma Rudolph at 5 PM or Trenton road at 2 30 or insert road and insert time. And I am your host, Josh Atkins. like the diet. And today we're diving into a topic that unites every Clarksvillian. Clarksvillite. Let's decide what we're going to use. I think Clarksvillian sounds better, but Clarksvillite sounds more ancient. Sounds like an army that's going to attack. But let's go with Clarksvillian here. Whether you just moved here or you're from out of state and you moved here, been here for a while, you've been here so long you You know all the roads and you just drive around and go, I remember when there used to be this and that. you know, there's certainly there's around here, but really we're talking about today and it won't be the last time, but we're talking about it today. We, this is the intro. This is just the beginning. We're just getting started. about driving in Clarksville. Driving in Clarksville and we've got it's really impossible it's an impossible task to figure out where in the world to start and you say okay well here comes the rant okay what do you got what's what are your thoughts all right like yes it's there's some rant involved there's some frustrations and we'll get to that we may have like a rant off where we let you submit your favorite rant. And really, it's more of that relational connection. It's more of the way you make fun of somebody you love or can halfway tolerate, I guess. Maybe you don't have to love them. it's that idea of, it's that relational jesting that makes you want to, yeah. throw a few jabs, a few jabs, a few right hooks, maybe an uppercut depending on what time of day you're trying to get across town. But really that's what we're trying to do. And so we're going to embrace the chaos together. If you haven't gotten here yet and you're getting ready to move here, just listen, take it in, take some notes and say, okay, now I know I'm going to be ready when I get Gonna be ready. So today we are gonna highlight three things. Three things about driving in Clarksville that you should know if you're new here or honestly, even if you've lived here for 20 years and you still haven't figured out what lane you're supposed to be in on Madison Street, let's go. And that leads us right into number one. The magical mystery lane on Madison Street. Now as a Beatles fan, I couldn't resist. the magical mystery lane, roll up, roll up for the mystery lane. And we have something, could be, depending on your understanding of it and what time of day you're on there, we're really, we're just breaking it down as a heads up. This is more for out of towners. We'll get started. This is for out of towners or people that might be entering that part of town for the first time or it's been a while. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, welcome to town. also good luck. There's a stretch of Madison Street, which is in Corksville, of course, and it's got three lanes. Got three lanes in it. Now the left lane goes one way, the right lane goes the other way, and the middle lane? Well, the middle lane is kind of like the Panama Canal. You know how that fills up with water and lets boats go through in different times of the day? You've either got somebody coming going east to west or they've got it switched and they're going west to east and it's ships passing through and it's a major ordeal. Well, this is kind of like our Panama Canal, the Madison Street Canal. We just got all kinds of names for it. The Magical Mystery Lane, the Madison Street Canal. What's next? I don't know. It'll just come to me and then we'll take it down. And so here's how it breaks down. It changes directions. Depending on the time of day, traffic flow and maybe the tides of the Cumberland River, who knows? depending on what the rainfall has been like, we'll see how that looks. But the only way to know if you can be in the middle lane is to look and there is a light hanging above the road. And it's either red or it's green. If it's green, go for it. If it's red, get out. Whoops. And if it's flashing or off, just pull off and yeah. make a call to a loved one and kiss it goodbye because you're in the wrong spot. And I'm pretty sure, I'm trying to imagine them making this road. Okay, I'm taking myself back and maybe this should be another deep dive. Where in the world this three lane Madison street, because it's not even the whole Madison street. It's practically like two miles. Somebody look it up. Somebody submit. How long is the triple lane light Madison Street, Madison Street canal. How long is that actually? And there's probably some, I don't know if it was probably 70s, 80s, and it's probably written down what time the direction change has happened and why. And I'm not trying to throw shade and it feels weird saying that, throw shade. I like I just aged out of that like last week and I can't say that anymore. I'm not trying to dis, there you go. All right, that's more up my alley. I'm not trying to dis, that sounds more 90s, which I'm all up for. But I'm not trying to dis whoever made it. I mean, I am essentially, because here's the thing. Most towns have reversible lanes on like giant six lane highways, barriers, all that kind of stuff. They just decided, said, hey, let's put a reversible lane on a road that already has Four banks, a Walgreens, a gas station, a library, a couple softball fields. Let's just put it right in the middle of that, just to throw things completely upside down. And I love the town. We moved here, we're staying here, we're not going anywhere, but sometimes a little hard, a little hard to do that. Now, segment number two. This is a new one. This is a new one. New in Clarksville, possibly new to you or somebody you know, somebody you love. We are going to talk about Clarksville's newest obsession, the roundabout. The roundabout. We are going round and round about the roundabouts. The round mound rebound, all that stuff. Okay, now, I know, and maybe you're out there and you're like, Josh, what is it with these people? I know what a roundabout is. I know where I came from. We had roundabouts all the time and they were awesome. They are awesome. They're great for traffic. Here's a term paper on why roundabouts work and are great. And it doesn't matter. It does not matter because we all are out there on the road. We got to share it with people that have never seen one before, that have never experienced it. And you get in there and it's like Chevy Chase over in Europe. Hey, there you go. And just looping for days. No idea when to merge. when to slow down, when to start, when to actually even get off or even get in sometimes. And so this is the roundabout. So again, if you've never been here and you're on the way, you're coming, just be ready. This thing has its own name. It was such, I don't wanna use the word disaster, but I'm gonna. Such a disaster when it opened. This is the roundabout Needmore and Whitfield. Right next to Glen Ellyn Elementary, she was supposed to improve traffic flow and safety. See, we're giving pronouns now. Rhonda the Roundabout. She was supposed to improve traffic flow and safety. What she did was start a cultural revolution. See, now we're talking Beatles again. Magical Mystery Tour. Start a revolution. Well, you know, I'm not exaggerating. People were so confused about how to use it. It had its own Facebook page with updates and video. Live feed you could just sit there and watch it Just sit there and watch it What in the world is going on? You're not watching the road. You're not watching for safety You're watching who's gonna get stuck. How long does the red truck circle? Let's take bets I mean, I'm surprised Oak Grove didn't have a line item where you could bet where they just had a live feed and you could just live bet like DraftKings almost who knows maybe they did and And the problem is, I say this with love and affection, the same way you would in the whole reason we're having this conversation. Corksville didn't grow up with roundabouts. I mean, this is new. This is the first one. I'm from Ohio and I remember when they dropped a roundabout in my town. It was the same thing. So see, this isn't personal. It's just a blanket statement of frustration and confusion. Just a little sprinkling it out there for everybody. so Rhonda shows up. I guess we're on a first name basis, right? So when Rhonda shows up the roundabout like an alien ship and just said, okay, deal with it. Just dropped it right in the middle. And I'm not sure if people didn't read the signs. I'm not sure if you just kind of get in there and start panicking. Oh no, oh no, where's the stop sign? What's going on? There's a car coming. Oh, there's another one. What do I do? It's getting better, I think. It's getting better. And so now Clarksville says, you know what? Let's build another one. And I'm here for it, for the record. I don't know if this is a hot take. I don't know if you'll be responding to me in whatever form or fashion you may choose. I'm here for roundabouts. Give me more. Give me all of them. Okay? They are good. And let the people, let nature decide. This is a survival of the fittest, and the more the merrier. So this one, the next one, if you hadn't heard, is going to be out at Dunlop and Rollo Lane, almost to where Grace Community Church is, if you know where that is. Just take the road. Out past the hospital and just keep going past Beach Haven and you'll get to it. And like I said, give me all of them. So if you're new to town, you tell I'll tell you where they could do is another one is the other end of Rollo Lane. The other end by life point in the power lines. OK, that's a whole nother episode, but they they could put something out there. OK, and moving on. So new to town, OK, new to town. You know where they are. And who knows, you may be a roundabout expert. I'd love to have you on. I'd love to talk research and how awesome they are. Because I could do it. They're amazing. And for those of you that are still working your way through it, or you avoid the road because you're like, you know what, I'm not even doing it. Just forget it. Give it another shot. Trust me. Be worth it. you just, it's got two lanes going into it. If you're going to the right, stay to the right. If you're going to another part of the road, go straight in, yield to oncoming traffic, work your way in and then just work your way out. Boom, there you go. Okay, you don't need a YouTube video, you don't need a tutorial. You just need to listen to that and do it. Practice, get in there, I believe in you. Okay, number three, this is the tale of two speed limits. It's not as catchy as the magical mystery lane or Madison Street What's what do we call the canal of Madison Street canal, but tale of two speed limits you see what I'm doing here a little bit of a little bit of a tie-in to some literature and It's really it's really more of understanding that some parts of a road are one speed limit and then surprise Bing-bong. Here's another one. It's a change and you don't realize it till you look down and you're going 15 over. Whoops. I thought it was 45. Well, now it's 30. Surprise. And part of it is you're just cruising along and then boom, speed limits drop to 30 for no reason. It's not a school zone, not a construction zone. Just because. This is another thing. I don't know why I'm rubbing my eye in frustration like you can see me, but it's more exasperation because I would just love to be in the meetings. This is what I would love to do. I'd love to be in the meetings for certain things like this. And it's almost like they're playing a Madlib. And I know that already aged me. That was, Madlibs were big in the book orders, the scholastic book orders. I think they still do those. They're probably all in line with an app or some nonsense like that. Back in the day, two things, book order day when you got the order and book order when the books arrived. But Mad Libs were in there and they really were just dropping adverbs teaching us about language, adjectives, nouns, proper nouns. And so it's basically like them saying, let's make this road 45 miles an hour for 300 feet. Then drop it to 25 near the Dairy Queen, back to 40 by the Dollar General. And then it's then 15 if it's a Tuesday. I mean, it's just it's as wild as that. And you never know until it gets you, sneaks up on you. And it's impressive. It really is. If nothing else, Parkville is going to keep you humble. You think you're a good driver? Do you? Do you really think you're a good driver? Do you think you can get across town the quick way? You think you got a better way? Ha! I doubt it. Surprise. Surprise. School bus. Surprise. School zone. Surprise. Holy cow. Yeah, it's um... It's wild. And just when you think you got to figure it out, it really is surprise. And you're in reverse. Well, welcome to town. And hopefully this this connects with you a little bit. And so there you have it, folks. That's obviously I know you're sitting there right now. You're sitting there. I can hear you. I can feel you thinking. Sending me those messages, even though I've already recorded this, I'm long gone. You're sending it to me, Josh. What about these? What about those aggressive speed bumps that for some reason they call speed humps? What about those? Give me a rant on those and hey, I'm not going anywhere. Buckle up. We may have another one of those someday. But down the road, for now, for now, three Clarksville driving experience, he'll either make you a stronger person or drive you to the brink of madness. Drive you to the brink of madness. Pun. Intended and always appreciated. We got the reversible lane We got the roundabouts with actual fan pages probably an AI personality at some point and Speed limits that change more than the Tennessee weather Which is quite often even yesterday for our baseball game and you know what I'd say that's what makes Clarksville Clarksville Okay, we bringing it back. We're putting a bow on it. This is like an episode of Family Matters Full house. Tension, tension. Conflict between the sisters, between Steve and Carl. But here we are bringing it back with a hug. Not a real one, but you know what I mean. We joke about it because we love it. We're here and some of you are like, nope, don't love it. I'm out of here. It's terrible. And that's fine too. That's fine too. So I mean, I mean, really it's whether you're dodging potholes on Campbell. Yelling why or starting your timer when the stoplight hits because you're pretty sure it's the longest stoplight in town PS mental note episode on longest stoplight in Clarksville. That's for later. Okay now I Want to say thanks for tuning in to Clarksville insider, you know If you liked the episode hit the follow button leave a review tell a friend who just moved here to give it a listen or is coming here say hey Listen to this, especially before you meet Rhonda, the roundabout face to face. And until next time, drive safe. You can find us on Clarksville Insider on Instagram and wave at your neighbors with all your fingers, even the ones who can't merge properly and stay insider.