Sharon G. Flake on Fatherhood, Vulnerability & Black Boyhood in “The Family I’m In”

In this deeply moving episode of The Color Between the Lines, host Esther Dillard sits down with award-winning author Sharon G. Flake, best known for her iconic book The Skin I’m In, to discuss her powerful new release, The Family I’m In—a heartfelt sequel exploring father-son dynamics, masculinity, and the emotional lives of Black boys.

Sharon shares what inspired her to revisit the characters of Malika and John-John, shedding light on:

• The pressure young Black boys face to “man up”
• The complicated relationships between fathers and sons
• The often-overlooked vulnerability, humor, and emotional depth of teenage boys
• Why she believes Black boys deserve space to feel, question, and grow

This episode speaks directly to educators, parents, book clubs, and youth advocates searching for stories that honor the complexity of Black identity and family life. You’ll also hear how Flake has reached over 300,000 young people through school visits—and how you can invite her to speak at your organization.

📚 Whether you’re a longtime fan of The Skin I’m In or discovering Sharon Flake for the first time, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone raising, teaching, or loving young Black boys.

👉 Like this episode? Subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a teacher, parent, or teen in your life.
🎧 Visit SharonGFlake.com to learn more or book her for a school visit.

🔔 Subscribe to the podcast for more enlightening talks and join us in exploring how historical narratives shape our future. You can also watch it on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@thecolorbetweenthelines

Transcript

0:01

on this edition of the Color between the Lines, He is trying to fill his father's shoes. Right. Stepping in his footsteps and, and he's starting to feel it. Summer's here. He's starting to feel the weight of it all, Remember the book the Skin I'm in and the Complex Journey of Malika Madison and how she was struggling with self esteem issues and colorism, which was a whole nother subject of complex issues? Well, the author, Sharon G. Flake, writes a new book and it's called the Family I'm in, and this one is about father son relationships. You really don't want to miss this one. I'm Esther Dillard chatting with writers, authors, and experts who offer an added perspective for listeners. This is the color between the lines. Well, I am honored to speak to you, someone who's been doing this for quite some time. You know the Skin I'm in? No, it's like 27. 27, yeah. That's a long time to be in the game. So, I mean, like, I'm honored to have someone of your caliber, speaking to me, a newbie author. So I'm really happy. Well, let me talk first. Although many I know about, the Family I'm in, and it's a sequel of the Skin I'm In. Please explain to our listening audience who may not know where the Family I in comes from and what the story is essentially about. Okay. 27 years ago, I wrote a book called the Skin I'm In. A lot of people know about that book. It's about a dark skinned girl who gets bullied. So it's about bullying, colorism, and loving yourself just the way you are. A lot of generations grew up under that book. People are always asking me for a follow up. My answer was always, now I'm not Doing it. You know, sometimes you wish people had stopped while they were ahead. So I don't want to be one of those people. But for the 20th anniversary of Skin I'm in, we did put out a follow up book called the Life I'm In. And the bully from the first book tells her story. So people get to. It's about. That book is about trafficking second chances. Where is God in our midst? You know, loving your neighbor, that sort of thing. And then I decided, well, I should tell the boy story. John, John was somebody that teased Malika, the person that got bullied in the first book. And people always said, does he like her? We think he really likes her. So if you read the first one, then you have to find out if he really likes her. But this book is about like John. John is desperate to have his first girlfriend. He's about 16, 16 and a half, have a girlfriend to date, get his first kiss. Part of his challenge is getting all that. But it's also a really, is a really, a community hero. Hard worker, a guy that's traditional, that believes in, you know, carrying the weight for the family. But he also would like sort of a different kind of boy. A boy that's like, reflects his strength. And John, John is a nerd. He does archery. He's in the. He's the only boy in the book club for girls. Right. And so the father would really wish he were like, toughen up, toughen up, sort of. He's pushing him to do that. And it's also about another boy, Caleb, whose father is ill. And Caleb, again, loves his father and has decided, I'm gonna do what my dad would have done. I'm a step up, I'm working. He's taking on a job. He is, he is, What? My mind slips. Sorry. He's taken on a job. He is trying to fill his father's shoes. Right. Stepping in his footsteps and, and he's starting to feel it. Summer's here. He's starting to feel the weight of it all, as are the men. Feeling different weights and responsibilities in the shoes that they. What do you hope that, people get from, I guess, John. John's relationship with his father, where you, you talk about vulnerability and traditional toughness. You know, I know that maybe young men and their caregivers will probably get different messages from that, that relationship. What do you hope that they get from that? But. Right. So John, John goes to him and has all these conversations. But that's Caleb's father who is ill, who cannot himself be vulnerable about being a father that's sort of being replaced by his son. What does that feel like when you have a man of the house but you're not making the money. Right. But your son is and you have a loving son. So it's all of this. I want people to see that relationships are complex. That That even though some of these seem like, well, they seem like heavy subjects. John, John is very funny. So there's a lot of humor in it. People say boys don't read. I want them to understand that they will read and that they do read a lot. A lot of my biggest fans for the skin I'm in, where the protagonist is a girl of boys. Yeah. Also say, hey, that's my story. Either I've been bullied or I've been the bully. Right. And so that's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping that churches and religious organizations and clubs that work with boys will decide we can bring boys together and maybe fathers and sons or male role models and. And let's start to have conversations that society doesn't always maybe allow boys to have one of them. It's John, John. There's some of the stuff he says about girls where he says, well, girls are getting all, you know, they don't need this because they're like getting all the positions in schools or why do they dress like that? I think, you know, we may not want to hear that, but we, but we want a space where they can have that conversation and you can work through some of that stuff with them or at least know what's the thinking behind, what is it like to be a boy? What is it like to be a man? Today, I don't think I have all the answers or solutions. I just like to start the conversation. Why do you think that people resonated so much with the skin I'm in for so long? Especially with young people and adults. I almost don't know. Last Last year somebody posted the book, the book cover and in 30 hours there were 670,000 views. Wow. Wow. And I know 30 hours because I kept checking, saying, what is this going to peak? It's peaked at 700,000 about now. I think people see themselves in there. First of all, Malika is very honest and very vulnerable. And it's almost like hearing somebody says, now I'm, come on, come closer. I'm going to tell you this and I'm not going to hold, hold anything back about what happened to me. And then all those children and adults who have read it start to say, wait a minute, I thought I was the only one being bullied and teased. Oh, I thought I was the only one. Somebody was talking about my skin or my freckles or my teeth or my whatever. And I still, I have adults who will Write me at 30 and say I just had a baby and I bought the skin of them for my daughter. Daughter's not going to be able to read it till at least fifth grade, eighth grade. Right. But they bought it because she's saying, they're saying they changed my life. One girl in college said I was the only black kid in the program. Ph Master's program. And, I was feeling some kind of way about myself one day and I remembered the skin I'm in and I read it and I remembered I could do anything. So it has that kind of long lasting power impact. You can't intend it. So on a certain level, I don't even know it's a good book, but I don't know know how it does it. I know that with Malika as a character, you being a woman, you can kind of go into that character as a girl. But how did you do that with the boys and being able to kind of embody them and be able to bring that forward? I could always do it. And I did it when I was in college. I wrote fiction in college and I wrote from a boy's perspective and a girl's perspective. And it might be because I grew up with three brothers. My dad is still alive, he's 98, so he was always in the home. My uncles would come by and visit with my aunts. They were always telling stories and having conversations. I worked with Young people for about eight or nine years. One year as a group home, that was all girls in my cabin. But you know, when you have all girls, you have a lot of boys trying to get in that cabin. And then seven years in foster care and some of them were boys, some of them were 18 year old boys that I had to develop treatment plans, I had to go to court with, I had to have conversations with about how does, how's it going in the foster home, take them to visit their parents. And so that sort of conversation and intimacy that you develop with young people. So I think that has a lot to do with it. And then I think God gives you gifts and talents that you can't fully explain. And that's like, I'm, 70. How do you embody a 13 year old, 14 year old? And I tell people, because I'm still probably 13 and 15 inside, so there's a bit of me there. And, you know, I think a genuine respect for young people that, you know, when I'm in the presence, sometimes people will say in schools, hey, you like, you know, I don't, I don't think I ever really treat them like children. I don't treat them like adults either. I just treat them as human beings. I get the chance to tell stories about black kids, urban kids, a lot of times in a world that doesn't always value them or respect them or see them. And, and I think I take that part seriously because I was one and I'm always trying to say, y' all don't know who they are. This is, you know, this is some of. Obviously everybody's not going to be in those pages, but this is who they are. John John, who is funny. John John, whose father is, is, is not 100%, none of us are, but he loves him and he is supporting him in the best way that he can. Fathers that are supportive, but thus fathers that are not perfect, fathers that are struggling themselves in some ways because we all have our struggles. Boys who never had girlfriends. I don't assume that a Black boy who's 16 years old, has never had a girlfriend. Right? So I assume that all things are possible. I had a character that was 17 that I had get married six to 17. If somebody says what? You have to believe it's possible, right? You have to believe that it's all possible for them, for the good and for the challenging. And so. But I want to ask the last question. If someone wants to have, you, Ms. Flake, come to their school or to their, their organization and talk about these books. How do they get in touch with you At Sharon G. Flake.com, if you go there. That's my website. Comes right to my email, and I'm on there every day. You're very likely to hear from me the same day or the next day, so. Good. Thank you. Can reach me. You know, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Twitter. I'm on all that stuff. But if you really want me to come, I've spoken to about 300,000 young people in my career, and so that's one of the things I really like to do. So reach out. Thank you so much, Ms. Blake, for joining us on the Bin. Thank you, guys. Keep up the good work. I appreciate you. All right, That's it for this edition of the Color between the Lines. If this conversation moved you or inspired you, please subscribe to the Color between the Lines. Hit that like button so that I know that I am on the right track. And if you have any suggestions on the guest or a new author author or a new producer that's putting out a documentary or interesting film that's connected to different, cultures and backgrounds, feel free to drop a comment below. I'm Esther Dillard.