Change Agent Leadership

How to Transition Well: The RAFT Framework for Life, Work, and Leadership

• Jonathan Hankin

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In this powerful episode of Change Agent Leadership, Jonathan Hankin is joined by certified coach and transition expert Heather Hankin to explore how to transition well in life, leadership, and family. Together, they unpack the RAFT framework—Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Thinking Destination—offering a step-by-step guide for navigating personal and professional transitions with intention and emotional health.

Heather shares her story as a Third Culture Kid (TCK), how unresolved transitions impacted her adulthood, and how leaders can use the RAFT model to lead themselves and others through change. Whether you’re switching jobs, moving, or helping your team or family through change, this episode provides a practical, compassionate framework for doing it well.

▶️    Watch full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iNRigaSbYyE

▶️    Work with me 1-on1: https://journey-coaching.com/contact

▶️ Interested in transition or career coaching? Contact Heather https://www.linkedin.com/in/heather-hankin

 

▶️ Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Transitioning Well

00:24 Meet Heather Hankin: Transition Expert

01:04 Understanding Transition and Its Impact

01:55 Heather's Personal Transition Journey

03:14 The Importance of Closure in Transitions

06:20 Third Culture Kids (TCKs) and Transition

15:23 How to Transition Well: Building a RAFT

16:33 Reconciliation: The First Step in Transition

21:06 Affirmation: Recognizing Important People

25:56 Farewell: Saying Goodbye Meaningfully

33:06 Navigating Closure and Reconciliation

33:27 Planning for the Future: Thinking Destination

34:42 Intentionality in Transition

39:05 Benefits of Transitioning Well

45:28 Helping Children and Teens Transition

51:12 Handling Unexpected Transitions

58:59 Leadership and Transition

01:01:55 Final Thoughts and Resources

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Jonathan

Welcome back to another episode of Change Agent Leadership. Today's topic is transitioning well, not only just in work, but also with your life and in your family as well. As you know, we all face transition from time to time, and the episode last week was on how to navigate, change and thrive. And the focus there was don't go alone, plan ahead, be a realistic optimist and recharge intentionally. And I've invited Heather Hankin on today to dive deeper into that second point of planning ahead. Yes, well, Heather is my wife. She's also an expert on transition, which you will soon discover. Heather holds several certifications in child safety and child protection through Presidium, and is also a certified coach through the Maxwell leadership team. So I didn't have to go far to find an expert on this topic. So welcome, Heather to change agent leadership.

Heather Hankin

Well, thank you. It's truly an honor to be here and excited to share about this topic. I.

Jonathan

Yeah, I know, I know you're excited about transition, um, and not that necessarily the transition happens, what you're excited to talk about. You've worked with a lot of people through transition, so when you hear the word transition, what comes to mind for you? Yeah.

Heather Hankin

Yeah, so when I hear transition, uh, I immediately think about the importance of bringing good closure. Um, typically when we have a transition in life, whether it's a job change, it's moving to a new house, um, whatever it might be, uh, there is a loss. And so being able to help others

Jonathan

do

Heather Hankin

through that process, um, is so important, uh, so that they can be healthier and transition well.

Jonathan

Yeah, no, I agree. I think transition is important and helping people move forward.'cause many people get stuck in transition. So tell me about you though. What, uh, what led you into this? Have you had to go through transition a lot or is it just a topic that resonated with you?

Heather Hankin

Yes. Well, I have dealt with a lot of transition in my life. Um, I grew up in Brazil, um, have an American passport and so there was a lot of back and forth, um, during my childhood years, and then also as we, you know, started our family and then we moved overseas ourselves. And so there was just a lot of transition in my life. And one of the things that occurred is, uh, when we moved overseas to the Middle East, that's when a lot of unresolved grief came out, um, for me personally. And I realized it was because I had not brought closure in those instances throughout my childhood and it had just built up. And so that moving overseas was just kind of the trigger for that to, to, um. To come up. And so that, that provided some challenging couple years of really working through that. And that was when I really realized the importance of helping our daughters, first of all, and then helping our family. And then out of that came that just passion to be able to help others be aware of the impact that transition can have, and then also just the steps that you can take to help make that process a bit easier.

Jonathan

No, thanks for sharing. I mean, it sounds like, based on what you just said, it sounds like transition is important to, if it's gonna go well, there's closure involved. And it sounds like many times people don't have closure. And so I think that's part of what you're going to share today. I'm not sure completely, but just having that closure and connection, be able to connect those dots, help people move forward. Is what I'm hearing you say, um, and you kind of answered this question, uh, why, why is this then so important to you? Is it because of what you just mentioned of seeing, uh, the transition you wanted to, that you never got to process and then you did to bring closure? Or was it just a topic again that resonated with you? So why is it, why is it important for you?

Heather Hankin

Well, it is because of what I experienced, but then also being able to walk alongside others and seeing the way that it can help others. Um, and the building, the awareness is the key because a lot of people don't realize just, um, what the impact a transition can have on a person's life. And then if there's multiple transitions, one after the other, even if there's a, a bit of time between them, if they are not processed and if their steps have not been taken, then it just builds. And that's what I am just really, I. It's passionate about helping people so that it, it's, they can work through the transition that they are going through or preparing for the transition that they know is coming. Um, and then that from there, they're learning skills that can then help them in the transitions that they face in the future.

Jonathan

No, that makes sense. You actually said something that resonated, um, off the last episode, which is, I made a comment, I think I made a comment in the last episode, which is, we all deal with transition. Um, and I said something along the lines of, but the real challenge is there's never one thing that happens. I. And then we deal with it, and then we move on. There's usually multiple transitions involved at the same time. There's, you know, you might be moving, but then there's work involved and there's other things that affect, uh, not getting closure because it just escalates. At least that's what I've, I've witnessed and what I've seen. So that kind of resonated there. Um, and then also tied to, we tend to just move forward, right? I mean, we, we just deal with it and be like, well, I'll deal with that someday. I think kind of what we're talking about today is sometimes for many people, including sounds like for you, and it's for me at times, that someday doesn't come until it's not too late, but it escalates to a different level. Um, is that kind of what, what I hear you saying there?

Heather Hankin

That is correct, that, um, if we aren't aware and we let it build up, then it can, it can have huge implications for you personally, um, for your family, for your productivity at work. Um, and, and just how that will come out if, you know, in, in how it expresses itself can be so different for each person. Um, but there are ways that we can help eliminate some of that. And so that, that's what I love sharing about.

Jonathan

Yeah. Well, I know you mentioned, um, growing up in Brazil and then being in the Middle East, and, um, I know we've talked about there's a terminology there for people that, uh, grew up overseas, um, whether it's military, um, or whatever, or just, uh, maybe NGO work. Um, and there's the, so TKs, it's a broad term and I think there's more people or TKs than they would ever think, um, just because of transition and families moving around the world now. So, yeah. Could you dive into that a little bit of what. There are many levels of transition and one PE of people that's affected a lot, I think are TKs, but also children of adults. And so that's a wide topic. So I'm just gonna give you the mic and say, go where you want to go with that, but just help our audience understand. Uh, many times the transition is just assumed, it's natural, it's happening, it's okay when actually it's not. Okay. If you could dive into that a little bit.

Heather Hankin

Okay. Yeah. Thank you.

Jonathan

So.

Heather Hankin

Yes. So TKs or third culture kids are, um, children that have grown up in a country outside of their passport country. Um, and this is throughout their formative years. And so it can be from the time they're an infant till they're 18. And what happens in, in, for these, these children is that they aren't quite their passport culture. They aren't quite, you know, they don't quite fit in necessarily with their host, host culture. And where they get their greatest sense of belonging is with other people that are like them, that have had that experience of growing up in another culture. And, and the other dynamic and. Why this has been the, the topic of transition is tied closely to ts is because of the amount of transition that they face every time they go back to their passport country or they even go on a trip. Um. A lot of times there's moves involved. Um, they don't necessarily just move to one place overseas, it might be multiple. Um, all those times they're having to develop new friendships. Um, it's a new house. It's a, sometimes it's a whole new culture. Um, because of that also they are in environments where people are transient, where people that they know are then leaving or going back and forth. And so I experienced that, um, growing up. And for, for somebody like myself, I'm considered an adult TCK because I was A TCK growing up, but now I'm an adult. Um, and so I have, you know, I experienced that because sometimes I would come back and in school and my best friend would be gone. And so they would be back in their host, uh, passport culture. And so it could be years before we saw each other again. And so there was a lot of that that occurred. And so that makes the transitions. Um, there are more transitions typically that TKs will experience, um, than a typical adult in a monocultural um, setting. So that's why for TKs especially, and that's where I, um, definitely that those people, especially helping parents of TKs be aware. Um, but one thing that you did mention is that there are a lot of people that don't realize that they are tcs. That they grew up as a TCK. Um, I will say that this term came from a book that, um, David Pollock wrote called Third Culture Kids, uh, and that he wrote that in 1999. And that was the first time that that was introduced, um, after a lot of research had been done. And so for a TCK, um, it could be like you mentioned, uh, it could be military, it could be di Dip. Diplomatic or foreign service families, um, anyone working abroad. It could be a corporate or it could be an entrepreneur. The NGOs, um, educators, people that go to a different country to teach. Um, and then also sometimes families that move so that the, uh, a parent can further their education. Um, and then we also have missionary families that serve in the faith sector. So the, it's, it's a broad range of people. Um, but the third culture kid dynamic is similar for all.

Jonathan

No, that's great. I mean, again, I never heard the term until you had mentioned it, and that's why I wanted to have you on to talk about TKs and transition. Um, now I think what we're gonna talk about today, and you're gonna share a little bit, a way to help people transition well, but, um, what comes to mind is, I think if I heard you correctly, most TCK third culture kids. Um, are now adults. A lot of'em are still kids obviously, but may we have two people, groups of people that are maybe listening to this podcast. They might be an adult who's like, wow, I didn't know I was A TCK. And then there might be a lot of adults that are saying, wow, my children are going to be TC Ks. Um, and so it sounds like that's, that's part of it. Um, I know I've worked with a lot of people over the years and there's just been some disconnects. And then when I hear, oh, you didn't actually, you didn't grow up here. You lived, you know, 10 years of your life was overseas, military active duty or what their family was and their kids, and they transferred a lot. or just even around the country too much. So a lot of change takes place there, which I know is a bit different around the country, but it's kind of, your host country you talked about is different. Um, so I, I hear those two different groups. Um, you know, what does that look like? So of them are not aware of that. Uh, so how does that transition affect them? So maybe there's an adult listening to this podcast and they're like, well, actually I didn't know I was A TCK and I am A TCK. So what are some ways that it could be affecting them? Well,

Heather Hankin

Well, first of all, the. Maybe they're not aware of how all those transitions can build and how those transitions and the lack of closure affects how they view transitions moving forward. Transition in itself can be a very positive thing. It can be, you know, it, it can, um, signify a fresh start, a new beginning, um, and an opportunity for growth, um, and opportunity to advance. Um, and so there, those seasons of transitions can be a good thing, can be a blessing. And yet there's also the dynamics that you have to go through through a transition that are just normal aspects of change. And so, um, so understanding as TKs, understanding that how that possibly has shaped your view of transition can be very helpful. Um, and also recognizing that it. You can take steps now to help in that process moving forward, uh, is very key. So awareness is the biggest. One of the things also I will, I will share for somebody that is an adult TCK, um, I find myself every two years ready to move. That's just kind of a normal thing, and I know that you have experienced that where I'm like, okay, should we, should we start looking? It's, it's about two years. It's, it's time to move and you and it, that's not necessarily your view. And so, but that's because of the amount of transition I've had then that's kind of how it expresses. And when I have met other adult tcps, that is something that, it's a similar concept that we're like ready to go onto the next because we anticipate that that's going to happen. Um, so

Jonathan

Yeah.

Heather Hankin

that, that's helpful in just the awareness of understanding how that has shaped who you are today.

Jonathan

No, I appreciate that perspective and I appreciate, uh, again, where we were headed. The title, this is How to Transition Well and so I appreciate You're right, transition can be a positive thing. What we're trying to do is understand how to transition well, right? And how to move forward and just identify why, why is transition maybe more an people get anxious than others during transition? Or maybe people want to transition more. Um, like you just mentioned, if you're a TCK and you moved every year or two, you might be, Hey, this is why I'm used to transitioning. Um, and so that's maybe a natural gravitation, which could be a stressor for people. So, uh, let's move into how, what have you learned or how have you learned to transition? Well, I think this is a good time. Just yeah. Your thoughts on how to transition. Well.

Heather Hankin

Okay, well, one of my favorite ways to, um, process through and plan for a transition is to build a raft. And Raft is an acronym, and this came out of the book by Doc, by David Pollock, um, on Third Culture Kids. And I just have so appreciated that because it's so practical to use as an adult and, and, but also so helpful to use with our families and with children. And so the, the raft itself, um, stands for R is for reconciliation. A is affirmation. F is farewell, and t is thinking destination.

Jonathan

are

Heather Hankin

And so the idea is when you build a solid raft, then you will be able to go from point A to point B and arrive safely and be able to then step into the next season that you have in life. So I, I'd like to go ahead and just talk through each one, uh, a little bit more and just what each of those steps would be. So r is for reconciliation, and this means are there any relationships that are strained that you

Jonathan

to.

Heather Hankin

need to restore, that you need to make some amends? Um, maybe it's out of your power to do so, but internally in processing, uh, whatever you might need to do, uh, it might be. Is there somebody that you need to forgive? Is there somebody that you need to ask forgiveness for? This is a more on a personal level, um, whether it's in your workplace, what are some things that maybe need to be talked through? But the idea here is that if there are unresolved issues that you have in your life and you're carrying them to the next season, that's gonna be baggage and it's going to slow you down. You're going to walk into the next thing. Um, just weighted down. And, uh, a visual of this was I was traveling through England. Um, a few years ago, and I had a big suitcase and a carry-on plus a purse, and I was having to transfer trains, go through the subway, like all that. And the baggage was just, I mean, it slowed me down. There were no elevators in some of the places people had to help me. And it just, I was like, never again will I do that type of trip with so much luggage. And so that's a visual of we don't want to carry that luggage around with us. So that's the first step for reconciliation.

Jonathan

Wow. Yeah, no, I think that's great. I, I can resonate with your England trip. I don't think I was with you, but. subways when you travel, if you're listening to this and you're in England, we love England, but man, wish you had elevators at the train station. Um, yeah, I think, you know, I really appreciate the, the reconciliation, the closure, because as we, as you know, a, a common theme is one trans, it's not usually one transition at a time, right? There's usually several. if you don't have closure, if you have a couple major transitions happening at the same time and you don't have, if you don't have any closure on any of'em, you're gonna carry all of that. I think not as you mentioned, not only into, um, your next, uh, stage of life, but it's going to bleed in your into the other transitions. It's gonna become kind of like a big bucket of, you know, you haven't reconciled things or had closure, and so it just helps, it makes it more difficult to process. I think that's what comes to my mind. Maybe I'm reading too much into that, but Yeah. What are your thoughts on that? It's just if you don't have closure. It, it's kind of like everything is bad. I mean, I, that's kind of where I go. If it gets to a certain point, then I can't think clearly, so yeah. Thoughts on that? If you don't have that closure, how does that impact you?

Heather Hankin

Right. Well, when you don't take the time to, uh, kind of unpack for this particular transition, then it makes it more and more that you'll then have to unpack. Once a a point comes in your life where it becomes evident, you need to, so it, it's helpful to do it because there's also, we can only handle so much at one time, and so if we're able to do it in more bite-sized pieces and in more intentionality as we're going, then it doesn't become quite the, the power, if you will, or just it, it's, it's easier to, to work through.

Jonathan

that makes sense. Okay. So that's, uh, reconciliation, that's the

Heather Hankin

Okay.

Jonathan

you're building there and, uh, getting closure for the past. Again, I think the key here, I think you would agree. I don't wanna put words in your mouth. It is kind of the best you can, right. Sometimes closure is just accepting, I, you tell me if right or wrong, but it seems like maybe accepting, tried to get closure and I've done my part, so now I, I can at least let it go even though it may

Heather Hankin

right.

Jonathan

ideal.

Heather Hankin

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan

your part. Is that fair?

Heather Hankin

That's correct, yes. Because you can't control what other people do or their reactions or the even sometimes the dynamics of, of the transition. Um, but for yourself, and that's, that's where even the forgiveness parts comes in. You're not forgiving necessarily for other people. It's what the lack of forgiveness is going to do inside of you. So, um, taking those steps to be able to, to, um, move forward well, for yourself is, is so key.

Jonathan

it. No, that's great. All right, so

Heather Hankin

Absolutely. The second one is a for affirmation, and this is to take the time to just evaluate. Um, I take a paper and pen and just write down the people that have really been meaningful and impactful to me in this season. Um, or if, um, like a situation where I have left a job, um, and I have moved on to a different role, uh, a different company is taking time to just write down some notes and, uh, help people how much I have appreciated them. Um, with the affirmation, it can look different. Some people want to write notes, other people might want to just engage with a person and share something in person. Um, so that's, this is an area to be creative. Uh, yet it is so important to be able to affirm those people that were special to you and that impacted you during that season. Um, one of the things too that I was thinking of when we were talking about reconciliation, but it also really applies to affirmation as well, is that in those process, in the, those seasons of transition and especially when you can plan, is that you don't want to burn bridges. And so this is where helping in, in working through some of these things can just really help, um, in that process. So that should there be a time in the future that you want to reconnect, um, that there are those moments that you have done your part to affirm those people that were special to you and to bring closure.

Jonathan

No, that's good. I mean, I think it's, uh, like you said, it looks different to everybody, right? Affirmation, um, I'm not necessarily a note writer. I might send an email or just have a coffee with somebody. I mean, what does that, what do you think that looks like? Because obviously if you've been somewhere a for a while, you have a lot of people, um, and you can't get with a hundred people. So how would you break that down into like, how would you prioritize that?

Heather Hankin

That's a great question and I. I think having that like brainstorming session just for yourself of who are those people that come to mind immediately? Um, because yes, you could make a list of every single person that you know, and, um, before like you're moving or when you're in a work environment, it can be a little easier because it can be your team or it can be your direct reports or whatever. Um, but just kind of evaluating who are those key people and prioritize them because time may not allow for all of it. But there was a time where I even just, we were getting ready to return to, um, the, to Jordan to visit or we had been in the US and we were returning to Jordan and I just wrote quick little sticky notes and just said, you know, thanks so much for whatever it was. I appreciate you so much and just put it where I knew they would see it. So it can be as simple as that and it can be much more elaborate. So, um, but making that list of kind of in priority, um, is, is helpful. Um, because I'm as limited, did.

Jonathan

No thanks, and I think that's a great answer. I think it just ties into also even reconciliation. Like who do you need to reconcile with, right? I mean, none of us are perfect. We've all got issues ourselves and everybody has, other people have issues that have dealt with us. And so it's kind of thinking, it is that brainstorming, right? Of who do I need to reconcile with? Who do I need to affirm? Um, and then strategically planning that out because there might be people for like affirmation, you make your list and there's like four people that you really want to affirm. And other people that are quote unquote further down the list, they're friends, but it's like, you don't, you, they wanna make sure they want to spend time with you. And you're like, well, I, I actually, I need to prioritize. So I think I like your answer there, just the brainstorming, prioritizing, uh, nothing against the people that are low on the list, but um, we want to focus it sounds like, with people that have impacted us. Is that fair?

Heather Hankin

That's, that's fair. And it also, one of the other things that I look at too when I make my lists for my seasons of transition is who are those people? And then what would be the way that I want to affirm them and how, you know, what does that look like? And so, um, depending on the impact that they had, what that is going to look like will, will be different. And from season to season,

Jonathan

No, that's great. Well, so we have reconciliation and we have affirmation. What, what else? What's our, is there another log?

Heather Hankin

there is. So the next log is. F or farewell. And this is basically saying goodbye. Um, it's so important in those seasons of transitions, especially when you are moving from one, like one city to a next, a country to another. Um, even, I mean even a job when you're leaving and going to another, uh, position, it's so important in that bringing closure to say goodbye, um, even though you may see people again. Um, and this goodbye is not just to people, it's also to places. Two things, and in some situations it's to pets. Um, when, especially for families that are moving overseas, sometimes they have to leave their pets behind. And so it's so important that we model that for our children, but also acknowledge that it's not just goodbyes to people, but also to, um, places, things and, and pets. Now, for people here, again, we, like we did for affirmation, making a list of the people that you want to say goodbye to. Now, sometimes it's, it might be more, you know, if you're in an office setting and being able to have kind of like a going away. Party or get together or a dinner, um, that can be, uh, sufficient and be able to help people be able to recognize that this is an ending. For others, it requires a little bit more, maybe it's a one-on-one. Um, for some people you may want to give a little gift, and so again, who are those people that you want to say goodbye to specifically? And then how does that, how do you want to do that? Um, and so making a, a plan. I know one time when we actually left Jordan, we planned an open house so that, and invited people and our girls were back with us. And so it provided an opportunity for people to come

Jonathan

able

Heather Hankin

and we were able to say goodbye. They were able to say goodbye and our daughters, and so we just invited. All the friends and people that were special to us. And so that helped because then we weren't having to try to get with every single person and schedule a time. It, it provided that opportunity.

Jonathan

no, I think that's great. The

Heather Hankin

Oh.

Jonathan

or the farewell there, I mean, um, I, for all the pet lovers that are watching this, they only heard you say goodbye to pets. Um, but, but which I can appreciate. I, I definitely can, um, understand for many people how that's a big deal. Um, but yeah, I think the farewell is good. I think you have, you just touched on the whole. Idea of it can look different ways, right? In a corporate setting. Um, you know, I coach people that most of my clients are in the us, some are not. Um, and they're, a lot of what I coach people on is actually they're wanting a promotion. Uh, a lot of people transitioning mainly from managers, uh, to directors or from directors to VPs, and usually they're moving states or countries. And so, yeah, I think part of that just a good reminder for me to even ask them. So how, how are you ending? Well, right. Is what I hear is that

Heather Hankin

Transition. Mm-hmm.

Jonathan

yeah.

Heather Hankin

Yes.

Jonathan

Uh, so

Heather Hankin

Another

Jonathan

oh, go ahead.

Heather Hankin

aspect, no, I'm sorry. Another aspect of the farewell is for the places.

Jonathan

Hmm.

Heather Hankin

in, especially for families that are moving or even just as an individual, if you're moving to a whole nother, uh, state, um, is where are those places that were special to you? What, um, maybe, you know, it's especially in your neighborhood, where are some of those places that you might want to go one last time and now this is actually especially. Uh, helpful and meaningful for children to be able to go to those places. Um, we experienced this with, um, Heidi and Kristen when they were little. They had been playing tennis and we were returning to the US for, uh, the summer. And yet I also, you know, was like, well, we need to bring closure because we just, uh, you know, this is a chapter and so we'll go. We went to their tennis court and they just ran around the tennis court saying, goodbye tennis court. And so it was more the act, the activity and the opportunity to say goodbye that was helpful for them. And then of course, they wanted to say goodbye to their favorite ice cream shop, um, for obvious reasons, but again, it was special to them and they still talk about that. So, um, the places can be very, very meaningful as well.

Jonathan

Yeah. Out of the three you've mentioned reconciliation, affirmation and farewell. The farewell, I think maybe be the one that people maybe do more natural. Um, I think reconcili reconciliation affirmation can tend to be a challenge because it doesn't come naturally. It's not the first thing we think of at least. It's not the first thing I think of, but farewell, I've, you know, I've actually, it was a few weeks ago, I was talking to somebody that was moving and they were talking about, you know, going to their favorite restaurant for the last time. Um, because they were traveling. I forget where they were traveling to, but they're not gonna go there again is the point. It was gonna be a very long time before they see it. And so it is kind of that I think unintentionally their mind, they were like, Hey, let's go there for the last time to enjoy it. But they were wanting to have closure. So, um, that one seems, out of all of'em for me, seems to be so far. Um, you know, one that people can tend to gravitate to naturally, but I can see how all three kind of, um, build up to the next one. So we have reconciliation, affirmation, farewell, um, any other thoughts on farewell? Does that make sense? What I said on the just, it seems more natural, but I could be wrong.

Heather Hankin

No, it does. Um, all of them take intentionality and, you know, to be making those lists. And sometimes the affirmation and farewell kind of parallel, so you can kind of do those depending on the person. Um, you know, that can kind of be in tandem. So it is a bit of a process, but it's, you know, that working through that can be a, a helpful way. And basically what it's also doing is it's, it's helping you process the good of. What you are coming from and being able to acknowledge that through the affirmation, through the farewells. And, uh, one of the things I didn't mention for farewells was things and, um, you know, people and children, what are some things that you're going to have to leave behind? And it might be a house, it might be, you know, something else. And so acknowledging that, and that's just helping as you move forward, um, acknowledging and embracing what was good and meaningful so that you can then move forward.

Jonathan

No, that's great. Yeah, I think that would probably be a common theme for most is they're leaving a residence and if you've been there a while, it's home. At least you, you know, you want to field's home at the time. And so yes. Closure were there as well. So moving on, we have reconciliation, affirmation, farewell, and so what is the next, uh, log on the raft.

Heather Hankin

Okay, so the final log is thinking destination or thinking ahead. Um, and this is so really helpful and very important in this to be able to think ahead. What is it that's going to, um, happen in the next steps, um, when I get to the new job. When I start, what do I need to do? How do I need to plan? Um, and so that's important as a family. If you're moving or you're transitioning, um, helping our children and giving them some information so that they are aware of even what's the first week gonna look like when we land? Where are we going to live? What, you know, is there anybody there that we're going to know how helping them in some of that information can be very key to alleviating any fears and concerns and anxiety that they have. Um, some people, you know, it's, it's sometimes you don't know. And, um, but when you have that opportunity to share some of the details, it can be very impactful, uh, to have some understanding of what's going to happen. So.

Jonathan

No, I think that's great thinking destination for what's going to be. Um, any thoughts on how, you know, whether you're an adult? Well, it's, we're talking to adults now, so with adults, whether you are maybe going through a transition in life or in a job, or family, so all those can actually be the same thing, but in different things. What are some things maybe people could do for thinking destination? Um, is there any, any thoughts on how you've worked with people in, in thinking that and how to build that quote unquote build that log? Well, when you're using the raft analogy there.

Heather Hankin

Okay. Well, I think the thinking destination or thinking ahead takes planning, um, and really thinking and maybe even getting input and advice from other people. Um, you know, if you are moving to a whole new city and state, you're looking at okay, schools maybe for your children. Um, all of you know. So being able to connect with somebody that is already there that can help and provide some guidance can be very helpful. Um, also kind of understanding what you might need to do to get ready for, let's say you're starting a new job and maybe it's a new, you know, it's a new like. Time. And so planning out your route and being ready for traffic, I mean, some basic things like that can be very impactful. And what do you need to do as, as an individual to prepare and be ready physically, mentally, emotionally, and, um, to take on that role. And so what changes might need to happen so that you have some extra space? Because anything new that we experience does take a lot of energy. And so mental energy especially. And so allowing some, uh, yourself grace and recognizing what do you need to put in place so that you have that. Um. Those things that actually recharge you and can help you through that season of transition. Because typically it's, it's also fairly stressful. So making sure that you're taking care of yourself as well is key. So what would, what does that look like for you? And kind of thinking through, um, also when you're thinking destination, depending on the, the situation, not only are you needing to think of, you know, what, this is, how this is going to impact you and what you might need, but you may also need to be thinking about what this is going to mean for your family or for your spouse. And, um, what adjustments need to be made. And so it's, it's really, it can be very, um. It can be a lot and yet inviting others into to help is also very key. And, um, having that, having somebody that you can just talk to as well through that process can be very, very helpful.

Jonathan

Yeah, no, I

Heather Hankin

I.

Jonathan

I think, uh, there's a lot to consider here. The one word that stood out, um, things stood out. The one word that stood out was intentionality. You, you know, you mentioned it's gonna, you have to be intentional. And I think that's part of, um, you know, this is a change agent leadership podcast on leaders leading change.'cause change always happens. Transition always happens in our work and in our lives. Just, it, it does. It's, if we woke up, there's something's gonna change. and to thrive does take intentionality. It, it's not necessarily, um. Cost isn't high as far as financial, there is an intentional side and a lot of other things, rob our time. And so I did, I do appreciate, just resonating with me, the intentionality, I think for all of'em, right? Reconciliation, affirmation, farewell thinking, destination, um, they all take intentionality. And I would say, you know, well, it's worth it because, uh, we want to not only transition well, but we want to thrive in our next environment. Um, and so, yeah, I think that's, for sharing that. I mean, I, we can circle back to those a little bit. It just raises a question in my mind. so as people do this, people, um, build their raft, so to speak. What are the benefits of, adults transitioning? Well, I mean, I could think of a few, but please gimme your thoughts on what are the benefits of adults transitioning Well.

Heather Hankin

Well, one of the, one of the biggest benefits is that as they are transitioning, well, they're able to bring the good closure and that helps them to be able to move into the next season in a healthier way, excuse me, and in a way that can help them enter in. More fully and be more engaged quicker when they have had that opportunity to bring the closure to plan for the transition, to think ahead, to understand what the, um, what are some things that they need to put in place so it can help. And then it also helps as they transition well in this particular situation, then they will, it will help them as they move forward because transition will happen, change happens. Um, we are, no one is immune from that. And so, um, being able to, to learn and then that helps us as well to be able to help others who are facing transitions and who maybe need a little bit more help through that time and through that season.

Jonathan

Yeah. No, I, I you for that. I think that's so true. It just also comes to mind for me, I think transition, transitioning well and having a framework. So I appreciate the framework. And just a note here, we will have in a attachment in the show notes, you can download, uh, a transition little toolkit, um, that will help you. So it'll have the graphics, um, on the raft and how to walk through this. So I think just having this, I think to me, yeah, the benefit for adults is it put, it gives it a framework. I, I'm just repeating myself here, but I think it's just, it hit me. This is truly a framework versus, wow, I'm transitioning. I wonder. you know, you can go all different directions as to, well, let's make sure we get things done. And there are some very practical sides of transitioning, making lists of what to pack or what to plan for. But I think this really focuses on, um, you know, health and not just mental health, but, uh, thinking ahead.'cause you mentioned, uh, if, if we transition well we can help those around us. And I think many times, uh, if we don't transition well, we've seen people that are going through a lot of transition, um, and maybe they didn't have a plan. It just adds to the stress. Right. It just seems like when we don't have a plan for what's next or we know something's off and we just, um, maybe use the so to speak. Well, I'm going through a lot of transition, which is valid. I mean, that is a lot of stress there, there's no framework like when I'm going through transmission transition and it will get better. True. and I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but it seems like when you use this,'cause you've worked with a lot of people that have, that have gone and are going through transition, it seems. This framework though, helps bring some grounding and some, um, just, uh, process versus, as I say, I don't like to think in the cloud. It's hard for me. I like to see it written down or on a computer. So yeah. Thoughts on that?

Heather Hankin

Yes. Well, I definitely, the framework is, um. It is so helpful and just being able to have steps, um, kind of like a how to, if you will, um, is'cause a lot of times we, we just, if we just have the sim simple steps to do something, it makes it less overwhelming. And, um, these are pretty simple. They're, they're very basic. Um, and yet the impact, um, as you do these, it's like I mentioned at the beginning, if you build the raft well, and then you'll, you'll get from point A to point B. If any of it is not stable, then um, there will be challenges along the way. So, um, one of the other things along with this that I. Kind of touched on was when I mentioned that it, it helps others, we're able to help others. Um, the whole idea of transition and bringing good closure is, is definitely helpful for us and needful, but it's also helpful for the people that you are leaving behind. Um, they don't, they may not realize how helpful it is, but saying those goodbyes, doing, you know, doing the, being affirming, um, in all it's helping them as well. And so not only is this for us, but we also need to recognize how helpful it can be for those that we really care about.

Jonathan

Well, that's very insightful. I thank you for mentioning that. I didn't think consider that, that you're right. As we're transitioning, um, we're thinking of ourselves. I'll talk about myself, I'm thinking about how do I transition? Well, how do I move on? But you're right, there is people left behind. Um, it doesn't, isn't the first thing into my mind. It probably should be quicker. So I appreciate you saying that. Yeah. There is a group, and this can, uh, assumption on my part, but I, I'm just sitting here processing, you know, as, as we, if you're transitioning and you're going through a lot, I. Of and you're able to reconciliate, reconcile or just affirm the farewell well with others. it can bridge, make the bridge stronger. Right?'cause you're gonna have some distance so it can help others, even though they don't even know they need to be building a raft because you're the one leaving. It does help them process well. So, wow. That's a good insight there. I think that's helpful for all of us is, um, just to keep in mind, course, we want to help ourselves and those in our immediate circle transition. Well, but there are others that we're leaving

Heather Hankin

Right,

Jonathan

Just it's, it's a benefit to them as well. Yeah.

Heather Hankin

right.

Jonathan

Well

Heather Hankin

Absolutely.

Jonathan

yeah. So you, we mentioned about the benefits of, um, adults transitioning well, and I know this is, um, we're talking to leaders, but a lot of leaders have kids and a lot of leaders have teenagers and other people, um, that they're leading, that have kids. So how does having a raft, how does that benefit, uh, children or teens, uh, during transition as well? So what's the benefit? Just let's dive into that just a little bit here to help, help process that out.

Heather Hankin

Okay. Well that actually is, I mean, that's how this all began for me was how can I help my daughters in seasons of transition and, um. This, you know, it's, it's so important. Uh, I can't say any anymore, but helping our children, it's, it's like you mentioned, even for adults, it provides a framework for adults. It provides a tool for children to be able to process, um, change, to be able to recognize that, okay, I need to build a raft. Um, change is coming. Uh, so helping our children develop those tools to be able to utilize through the rest of their life eliminates a lot of things that could build up. Um, I have, I have just a quick visual here. Um, when it comes to children, it's like you have a, a, a move or a transition and then you stack another transition and you stack another. Eventually that stack is going to fall. Um, and so when we are able to help our children and be able to. Transition while to bring that closure. It's like you're taking a, a, a one of the blocks off and you're helping them process that power, if you will, um, one at a time instead of just letting them continue to pile on top of each other. And I know again, we're sharing from our personal experience, but when I first started this with our daughters, they were younger, so it looked very different. Um, you know, like drawing pictures of what was really special about where we were, um, and what we, you know, kind of talking through. And when they would say the goodbyes, some of it may be a little one of their toys that they wanted to give to their best friend. And so it looked very different. But then as they got older, they would keep doing it. And, um, even, um. Heidi, our oldest in college, she, we were talking one day, she goes, yeah, mom, I'm building my raft. And so she was doing the notes for all of her teachers and looking at how she needed to, to build her raft as she finished, um, her, you know, finished college and was getting ready to graduate. So, um, so those tools that we can help instill within our children. Are just going to bless them and benefit them into adulthood, and then they can then pass those on to their children as well. So for me, it's, it's so, it's such a, it's such a simple thing to be able to do and it can be so much fun with our children as well. Granted, we're in stressful times of transition, but even that, having those opportunities to have fun together to go to the ice cream store, to go to the favorite park so they can climb on their, you know, favorite jungle gym one last time. Like, those are fun memories that you create with your family that, um, and the fact that you took that time and, um, experienced or created those memories is, is what will last in their minds.

Jonathan

No, that's good. I really appreciate the graphic. I think that's true for kids. It's also true for adults, right? We keep stacking things

Heather Hankin

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan

can fall over.

Heather Hankin

We do.

Jonathan

but I think, you know, you also, the theme here through all of this is what I've heard is transitioning well requires intentionality, um, at every level. And I think that's true is for leadership, uh, to growth as a individual. If we want to develop and we want to become a healthier, mentally, emotionally, physically, whatever. It all takes intentionality and there's many things pulling at us. Um, so I can appreciate the, just a good reminder. It takes intentionality and this is worth, we're worth it. You know, I always encourage people you're worth investing in. Um, because what you're doing now, the inten, the intentionality, you're. spending on yourself or on your family or your team will pay dividends. Um, because the natural gravitation for most leaders for sure is, well, it's easier for me just to do it myself and, and I don't need to teach them, but as we all know, if you teach others, I know it takes time, but it then frees us up. And so in the same way it seems with building a raft, others and those around us how to have good closure with the intentionality will then lower everybody's stress level, so to speak, especially, um, during times of transition.

Heather Hankin

Exactly,

Jonathan

I.

Heather Hankin

yes. I, this was kind of a moment, I was actually at a coffee shop one day and I heard a couple of ladies talking beside me, and the one lady was explaining about they were getting ready to move almost across country, and she was concerned about her daughter and the transition and just all the things. And so there was an opportunity for me to just talk to her briefly and. Shared about the raft and, uh, we exchanged contact information. I was able to send her more information and she was so excited to be able to have something to be able to help her daughter through this. And so, um, it is, it's definitely, um, it's, it's just a very helpful, the awareness and then being able to model and, and help our children and those around us is, is very, is very key.

Jonathan

Yep. No, thank you. And I, again, there's many benefits and I think, um, it's just not known. So that's why I wanted to have you on to talk about the raft and what it really looks like, how to practically use it. Um, and so just speaking practically, let's transition a little bit here. Still a positive tone, but yet at the same time a concern. So, you know, what happens when you don't have time to build a raft to help you through transition?'cause sometimes, um, whether it's military, um, or even a job, you get informed next month or next week, uh, you're moving or tomorrow, whatever it is. I know people have different circumstances, so, uh, obviously the best case is to be able to plan and transition and build your raft. Um, but sometimes life just happens. So could you walk through, as you've worked with people, does it look like? You know, when it, you can't do it at the time, you can't build a raft because time just is not on your side.

Heather Hankin

Right. And that does happen a lot. Um, but the, the blessing is, is that you can still go back and go through the, the steps, the framework, if you will, depending on the situation, you most likely can still get in touch with people to, whether it's by email or sending a note or something of just, you know, how they really impacted you. You might be able to get on a phone call and just say, Hey, I just, I just wanted to say goodbye. I really, you know. Appreciated all that you've done for me and our friendship. Um, and so, you know, there can be still some of those steps that you can walk through and even just evaluating is there anything that I do need to, um, reconcile? And some of that is, again, a lot of that's personal reflection. And what do, what is the baggage that I need to let go of and leave behind so it can look, it looks a little different in that you're not necessarily preparing and using it as a way to prepare for the transition. It's more of a steps to just help, especially bring that closure. And so I know there was, um, you know, situations where, uh, there, you know, I had a transition and it took about six months for me to kind of work through this and be able to, you know, have that full closure after that. And that's okay. But the intentionality, like you mentioned, is the key thing because then I felt like at, finally at that point I could move on. It was, you know, I had been able to bring the closure that I needed for myself and I could move on and fully invest in the, in what was next. So it definitely can happen after, it just will look a little different and you might need to get a bit more creative.

Jonathan

No, I appreciate that and I think something that stood out was, I appreciated, you said it can take up to, took you up to six months for a transition. I think that's a great, let's just talk about that for a second. Um,'cause I know people were listening thinking, well what does this mean? Like, how do I, just for a timeframe, um, just your thoughts on maybe you do have time to prepare, um, ideally is there, and then maybe you don't have a specific, but ideally, you know, how long would it take or what should somebody plan? How far in advance, I know obviously as early as possible, but, uh, what would it look like time-wise for someone, uh, that knows they're moving in a few months or that, um, obviously they have that time, but like how much time would they dedicate maybe to that, just your thoughts in general and

Heather Hankin

right.

Jonathan

And then I'll ask you the other one for the, for the afterwards. So, yeah, just thoughts on the, know, you have some time. How much time would you recommend someone dedicates to that?

Heather Hankin

Right. It really depends on the situation. If you're switching jobs, then, you know, sometimes you know, you've given a two weeks notice or a month's notice, so that's about the time you have. Um, if you're moving and as a family, um, typically you might have a few months and sometimes, you know, especially if, if it's an overseas family, you know that you might be going back to your passport country six months in advance. So it just kind of depends. But, um, one of the things to, to take into consideration is what is. What is the transition? Um, for instance, our, our, um, you know, if somebody is going away, is graduating and going away to college, and they're moving to college, and what are some things, what might be something, a place that they want to visit one last time before they move and they, you know, not planning to go back, or maybe you as a family, there may need to be some time to plan for that. Um, if you're planning a, a trip and, you know, it's not like just quickly going to your favorite restaurant. It depends on what the, what the situation is. And that's where, as soon as you do know, um, that a transition is coming, is start thinking about it, start processing, um, and think through, okay, I'm gonna need to do this. Um, and depending on the situation as, as far as as you can start planning for what that can look like. So I don't know if that that is

Jonathan

No,

Heather Hankin

exactly helpful, but

Jonathan

my

Heather Hankin

it's

Jonathan

I

Heather Hankin

just depends.

Jonathan

that's fair. Valid. Very valid. Right. But you did mention something. I guess it depends also the extent of the move. So if someone is leaving a different country to go

Heather Hankin

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan

host country or their passport country for say a college, there's a very slim chance. They're never gonna return. I mean, a very high chance they're never going to return to

Heather Hankin

Correct.

Jonathan

And so yeah, it's, it's right, you're right. It's really, it does come down to intentionality, thinking through, we can't go to 40 places. What are the one or two top that you can do? Yeah, that makes sense. No, good answer. I think just

Heather Hankin

Right.

Jonathan

Um, so you're now working through, um, looking back, you do, you weren't able to, um, transition or have that raft. As you were going through the transition and now you're processing backwards, I think what I

Heather Hankin

No.

Jonathan

have, there's no timeframe. Obviously it's different, but what I, what I, what I'm hearing you say is you need to give yourself grace and time. It can take months or maybe even years for someone to build a raft, but they need to start, I think that's the key here, right? Is you need to start and you need to

Heather Hankin

Right.

Jonathan

and, and process with somebody many times. Because if you're doing it by yourself, it's kind of

Heather Hankin

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan

that's what I'm hearing.

Heather Hankin

Right. Yes. And you know, if you're also, one of the things that I thought of as you were talking is when we are also going through a transition as a family, that in itself, um, one of the things that we would do is everyone would list out maybe six places that they really liked and wanted. We, we can't go to all. So we kind of figured out, okay, what were the key ones that we could do altogether? Or maybe there was some places that one daughter wanted, and I could take her there. It wasn't, didn't have to be the entire family. So, and sometimes other people can do that too. They can take your kids, um, or you can, you know, plan that. But being intentional to, um, you know. Plan for that. Recognizing yes, the timeframe is going to be different, um, for each situation, but it's not just like a week, I would say, especially if you are anticipating a change with transition with your family, um, there needs to be some time to be able to have those conversations with your kids and to talk through together. Um, that's a little different than, you know, planning to and transitioning into a job. So.

Jonathan

No thanks. So we're nearing the end of our. Yep. Well, we're nearing the end of our time here. And so one last main question is how can using the raft help those in leadership? Any thoughts on that?

Heather Hankin

Yes. Um, one of the biggest things is recognizing how a transition can affect a person and how important it is to help provide opportunities for closure. Um, a lot of times, you know, it's, it might be just a checkoff if somebody is leaving or, um, but allowing space for people to process that in different ways. Um, and so recognizing and understanding what some of these, these, this framework and how can you apply it even in the workplace and in with your team And this, um, one of the things even that I, I do now yearly is I build a raft. Um, as just at the end of the year, and use that as a framework for reflecting on the past year. Um, you know, even in the past year. Is there anything that I need to, you know, baggage that I need to take care of, that I need to, um, be reconciled with people? Um, who are those people, especially in this past year that really I need, I want to affirm because of how they impacted me, um, for the farewell. What are those things that I need to say goodbye to and, um, be able to step forward in, in a greater sense of freedom? And then thinking ahead is more thinking, okay, in this next year, what are the goals that I want to put in place? So modeling that as a leader, modeling what we are doing and how we can, you know, kind of work from one place to the next is, is key. The other is, uh, as a leader is recognizing that in those seasons of transition, um, it's really important to listen, to ask the questions, to really help, um, to be a listener and to understand what, how that transition is affecting a particular person. Granted you, you can't help everyone, but allowing that space, uh, can be very helpful, um, for the season of transition you might be facing as a team.

Jonathan

No, that's great. I, I agree with everything you said, and I think, you know, the challenge for leaders is to slow down and do it right. Take the time. Again, key theme here is transitioning well, and that takes intentionality. Actually, everything Is going to lead to positive growth, takes intentionality and, uh, transitioning well takes intentionality and helping those around you. So, no, I totally agree. I think it can, it definitely is part of leadership and, um, we need to start with ourselves and lead ourselves well through transition so that we can then help others. So, no, this has been great. Heather. Thanks for taking the time. Just some final thoughts here, um, on the rafts. Uh, anything you want to add, as a, you know, or anything that you're learning right now as a leader, as a person? Just your final thoughts. I know you, uh, lead as well, so thoughts on the raft or a book you're reading or anything that you're going through to develop yourself?

Heather Hankin

Okay. Well, I think one of the, one of the things that I'm learning a lot this year is the whole theme of endurance.

Jonathan

Hmm.

Heather Hankin

Um, my word for the year is endurance. And, um, in as far as leadership goes, and even just as a person growing and developing, um, really being mindful of having that endurance, being persistent, um, staying the course. And so that's been a key theme. And then the, a book that I have just started reading at the recommendation of a friend is the 10 x is easier than two x, um, by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. Um, and so I've just started that and actually the introduction is just, I, I've been drawn in very quickly and so I am, um, very eager to continue reading that and learning so.

Jonathan

for sharing again, uh, word for the year endurance. That's great. Uh, definitely ties to our theme today of transitioning well with intentionality. It does take endurance, right? And so, yeah. Well, thank you, Heather, again. This has been great. I've learned, I have, I've learned, uh, and I gotta think a little bit more about. Transition and transitioning. Well, so thank you so much and to everybody else, as we close this out, just wanna recommend, you know, check the show notes. We're going to have a downloadable guide in there for you can look at how to transition well using the raft. So it's, yeah, you can, I hope you listen to the full episode of this podcast, uh, again, and that'll help you. But there's a guide you can download that will help you transition well and move forward. And also wanna encourage you to reach out to Heather. Her contact information is in the show notes if you're looking for transition coaching. Um, Heather does that. She trans helps people transition. Well, if you didn't pick up on in the podcast, she is passionate about transitioning well with adults and TKs and also helping people, um, with coaching for assessments for. What is their next step for careers, for career coaching? Um, what is people a lot of times are lost be they're not sure what career coach, what career they should go into, and she can help you with that. So that'll be in the show notes. Um, fill out the form at this episode. Added value to your day, which I hope it did it, add value to mine. Hit like and subscribe. Drop a comment. We'd love to hear how you transition. Well give us your thoughts on the raft, um, how it's helped you or how you think it will help you. And again, if you're looking for a coach, fill out the form, you can. Um, look for me in there, I focus on executive career coaching. Many of my clients are wanting to progress in their career, and Heather focuses more on transition and career coaching. Either way, you can fill out that form and if you're looking for myself or Heather. You can find out if we're a good fit for you. I'm also adding real coaching sessions to the podcast in the near future. I'm looking for guests who want a free coaching session to work through a goal or a challenge they're facing. Again, this is a free coaching session for you. If that's you, you want to understand what coaching is and what could it look like, and you wanna work through something. The link is in the show notes for you to be on our video edition of Change Agent Leadership, which is on YouTube every Wednesday. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Hankin, your change agent coach. Keep questioning, keep growing, and keep leading change.