Sharam Namdarian Starts a Revolution

What a fun ego death I am having.

• Sharam Namdarian

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haha. All jokes aside I am having quite a lot of fun.

We are half way through the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and I had my first reviewer. What an insane time.

Despite positive reviews from regular human beings, the big reviewer took it out of me. Mostly because I had not experienced one before.

In this episode of Sharam Namdarian starts a revolution we deal with the idea of ego death, dealing with rejection and how people react to you and your art sometimes.

I am actually having so much fun, I don't know why people keep telling me that I am not.

• Received first-ever review from <REDACTED> during my festival run
• Taking the negative review too personally initially, but realising all great comedians have bad reviews, now I am a great comedian
• Tendency to bite off more than I can chew as a method of growth
• Making life unnecessarily harder through overthinking and overcomplicating
• Working to heal rejection sensitivity through recognising it's just data
• Art as artefacts of becoming, healing and letting go
• The revolution continues with one member, will you join?

Send me Fan Mail! It could be anything, we are desperate at this point.

Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome to Sharam Namdarian Starts a Revolution, the ego death. That is this. This is why, if you're watching the video version, I'm just chilling, relying on the floor. Just death, death of self. We are halfway through the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and it has been a riot. There have been ups, there have been downs, there have been laughters, there has been the ego death. This revolution is going to be hard and fast and fought, but you better believe we're going to get there in the end. We will start this revolution and it will have no purpose and it will have no cause. This revolution, and it will have no purpose and it will have no cause. The festival has been fun. So we're at the halfway mark. Right, it's been. It's saturday now. Uh, I started on the monday. I've got one more show. It's saturday, so there's two more shows this week and then there's another seven days. So if you haven't come down yet, come down. Obviously, I'll know. If you have or not come down. I don't know you personally, but whatever, it's a fun show.

Speaker 1:

But we had a reviewer from the Age come through on the Wednesday and I gotta tell you I've never had a reviewer come before and I gotta tell you. I've never had a reviewer come before. I reckon I took it way personally than I needed to do. I've never had a reviewer, let alone someone from what is, dare I say, a reputable source, and I was very confronted by the whole thing. I also had comedians talking in the background, which was possibly both distracting for me and for the actual reviewer. Now, for a while I was mad and I was blaming them a little bit, but at the very point of it all is that I should have been whatever. We're at the start of my fucking journey, right? This is the whole point of this is this is a rags to riches podcast and you can't have rags to riches without the rags. So the reviewer came back with uh, dare I say a, uh, not the most review, um, and it fucking hurt. It hurt, I am exhausted, I am wounded and I have taken the whole thing way too personally.

Speaker 1:

I realized up until this point when it comes to comedy, one of the biggest things you can deal with is the fear of rejection, and you're constantly dealing with rejection, with do people like your ideas? You can be the best. I know some people who are, I would say, pretty good, and they're telling me about how they themselves have bad reviews and it's like famous, what is it? Famous comedian Lenny Bruce from the good old days I think he died in the late 60s Was constantly arrested for what he said on stage. So what I'm trying to say here is, while when I finally got the review because I've never been reviewed for before my emotional fucking landscape just did not know how to handle it, when I got the review it hurt. But when I got the review I realized from ego death comes ego phoenix, which is, I got, I'm a comedian now. No great comedian does not have at least one shit review and it's fantastic. From that end of the spectrum I feel like I'm finally manifesting that destiny. Like, obviously the goal in comedy is to get so good we accidentally start a revolution. Obviously the goal in comedy is to get so good we accidentally start a revolution.

Speaker 1:

But it is interesting that in the highs and the lows of it all that a reviewer like who do you listen to? You know, when deciding how well you're going and when we're talking about how well, I'm not saying you know, because there's not like a really arbitrary, there's not like a definite objective level of wellness when it comes to, especially any career in the arts. There's only really ever what you want. But do you listen to one person who just has a publication that is behind a paywall? Or do you listen to the many people that came to the very same night and afterwards told you about how good they thought the show was? Which do you prioritize? The answer is the reviewer. No, the answer. I think it's a spectrum. It changes from time to time, moment to moment. If they gave me a positive review, you better believe I would have been posting all about it, rather than making an ego death podcast where I lay down on the floor naked for you. But I just wanted the video version of this podcast to sort of have a level of openness and vulnerability in this component to it. So that's it, you know.

Speaker 1:

And the show has not been selling out. But here's the secret I'll bid off way more than I can chew. That's a theme with me. I'm learning to deal with that, because I realize now what I do is I bite off more than I can chew, because that way I still feel mediocre. If I bit off exactly how much I can chew, I would not feel bad about myself, but I would not be growing as fast as I am. For example, I've realized if I had the same room as other comedians had with the capacity, I could have very easily have said I have sold out my show, baby. I'm watching them say I have sold out my show. Tuesday sold out, wednesday sold out. Some of them genuinely have big spaces, some of them don't. Some of, yeah, but if out, some of them genuinely have big spaces, some of them don't, yeah, but if I had some of those spaces, I could have very well easily said I've sold out the show. So my whole shtick or the joke I've been now saying is if I ever sell out the show, you're not going to see me post about it, you'll just see me driving a new car because that's how much money that show would. That's funds for.

Speaker 1:

Look, I've been on a big trend in my life. I don't know if you relate to this at all or if you ever feel like you should or want to relate to this, but I've been on a very interesting journey of making my life easier. I had a breakthrough maybe around a month ago, where I realized I actually make my life so much harder because, for some weird reason, I was programmed to think life should be harder than it is. So that meant to two ends of the spectrum. That meant thinking that positive, good things should be harder. For example, comedy, comedy is great, gym, health, that should.

Speaker 1:

In my head there's a bunch of stuff that I was actually uncomfortable with them being easy, so I made them harder. I made myself work harder for them. If it was came easy, I just overdid it, overcomplicated it, you know. And on the other end of the spectrum, the things that were hard already I thought should be harder. I should be struggling with them more than I am. So I emotionally over complicated it all.

Speaker 1:

So, like a good example since we're on the topic of comedy, maybe I've got this thing where it's like oh, writing jokes should be hard, should be this hardest thing in the whole world. Performing should be hard. So I made it harder. I stressed myself out, I overdid it. I bite off more than I can chew Things, did it? I bite off more than I can chew Things like that, you know, just so I can feel when it's hard. It still is hard compared to the strength level that I'm at, basically, but similarly I always thought that, like, things that were naturally painful should be harder than they are like bombing have you ever bombed before? That's the easiest thing in the world. You know what you do. You get off stage, you recover, done, recover, done. It's not hard, but I made it mean something. You know I'm gonna start this revolution. It's gonna mean nothing, but I made that mean something.

Speaker 1:

So one of the first things I did and I do want to like preach preach to the skies for this particular person. Uh, adrian from grounded strength look it up, that was my personal trainer, adrian from grounded strength. For the last two to three years he's been my personal trainer and it has been genuinely very, very, very, very good. We lost so much weight, gained so much muscle. Uh, I'm now presenting to the world in the way that I would want to present to the world, but when I realized I'm making my life so much harder, I needed to quit working with him.

Speaker 1:

One of the reasons why was money. That's the main reason. To be honest, the festival has taken it out of me, since I bit off a lot more than I can chew and it's like if I was to what's the phrase? It's like I want that money. If I had that money, my life would be so much easier. But also I need to integrate and digest everything I've learned from my fitness Jesus. To integrate and digest everything I've learned from my fitness Jesus. So taking time to actually think about my own workouts, taking time to digest the information, to create an identity, an internalized version of myself, will actually support my health career so much more. Taking time to be like what do I want, how do I know? I've got all this knowledge but I've externalized it so much, which is a thing that I do know.

Speaker 1:

On this whole topic of making things hard, I when I was fucking what was it like? 29, 28 I had a big breakthrough where I realized I was. So I identified as someone with energy problems that I used to go to the gym and work myself out to to be tired, because I didn't know how to have energy. Like I thought I had energy problems turns out, I just thought I had energy problems, so I was uncomfortable with having a lot of energy, so I just worked myself to a fucking bone. So it's this whole interesting thing.

Speaker 1:

So the ego death that I'm currently going through is this idea that everyone's going to love me, and it seems, when I say this, it seems naive that I say this out loud but art, art. I've been thinking a lot about this during the festival. Art affirms the artist, it's, it heals the artist. It also affirms identity in the artist, and so I've been thinking a lot about where I'm at, as I'm performing, through the festival, through the show, through this, hour after hour after hour after hour. What exactly is trying to be digested, this identity part of myself, what is that trying to be digested, this identity part of myself? What is that trying to manifest itself? And I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I was. It's really just a fascinating thing when you look at art from that perspective. Not only what are they trying to say, but who are they trying to become. I think it's a really interesting and beautiful way of looking at art, looking at the artist, looking at where we're at in life and where that person is at. Art is artifacts, and it's an artifact of a becoming and it's an artifact of a healing. And it's an artifact of a becoming and it's an artifact of a healing, it's an artifact of letting go. So this journey is really interesting, you know.

Speaker 1:

Um, the other thing I've been noticing is a lot of people give me advice. A lot of people give me advice and you know, like you watched last episode with Ash Filzamine and he was saying a lot of stuff like you're not focusing on the jokes. I'm like, dude, I'm focusing on the jokes. I don't understand. And this is why I think all feedback is good feedback, because it's sort of like what you get to finally see how someone else is interpreting the information. And is that exactly what you wanted it to be? I don't know. I don't know if that's exactly what you know. Are you okay with it? I used to have this when I was a relationship coach. Did people fully understand what I was saying? And I got to what I call emotional jujitsu. It's this, this transmution of people's the energy and the understanding, and you can only really transmute something when you understand where it's at, and sometimes you can be like, hey, they didn't understand it. But you can be like, hey, I actually didn't want them to understand it. I've got many jokes in the show that actually rely on the audience being like what the hell did he say? And then I then use that as that's the setup to another punchline, because I'm a genius baby, yeah, so this whole thing has made me realize that I don't know about you.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people on different spectrums talk about rejection, sensitivity. Well, I do think I'm definitely neuronal or neuro whatever it is neuromild, not neuro spicy. I definitely am primed to be more sensitive to rejection. The constant healing and meditation I'm going through is dealing with this perspective of uh, will they love me, this disease to please? And I've realized that with some of that, what's happened is is, as I've healed my blocks towards being loved, as I've dealt with that, as I've processed that, as I've meditated on that, I've actually been more comfortable with dealing with rejection, because my cup is full. You know, you can't take away from my cup, it so full. And then finally, the review came and it just emptied it out and it was this oh, I am. It's not fully a thing of I'm struggling with feeling loved. It's also I'm just afraid of being rejected, because if I'm rejected I won't know myself. I won't know myself. I'm not someone who allowed myself to fully feel and digest and process rejection. So now I'm on this, this journey, this fun, powerful journey of just get rejected. The whole thing is rejection and you know, what's amazing about this story is that you might be listening to this and being like dude, dude, it's just one review. Who fucking cares? And it is just one review. Who fucking cares If I let one review hurt me?

Speaker 1:

I was never meant for this game, but then I did a spot at Dirty Secrets. Afterwards I had, you know just a spot. I managed to get it in During my show. I'm not running it. Artem is he? You know just a spot. I managed to get it in during the my show. I'm not running it. Adam is he's running the show? Uh and ego, it's been fantastic. But I did a spot and then as people left, everyone was like that was great, that was great. That was great, that was great. Just, just a lot of that was great. And I'm like who's?

Speaker 1:

Data points, data points, data points, comedy. Everything to me is just data points. It's just feedback. You get the feedback. People like don't lose confidence. I'm like I haven't lost confidence. I might be in pain, but I haven't lost confidence. Some people are like yeah, don't lose confidence. I'm like it's just data, data in data out. To me, creativity can be literally summed up as that Data in data out, which is why one of the reasons why I feel comfortable, at least for the time being stopping personal training. I've got so much data in but I need my brain to digest it so I can fully have some data out.

Speaker 1:

So I made a speaking of data, I made a database and if you ever see me in person, I'll show this to you. I'm not going to put it now. I don't want to edit this. Maybe I will for the video version. I'll just chuck up a couple things. I'm going to wave my hand around so I can see it, but I made a database of my workouts and then I made some emojis with my face using AI for each one so I can symbolize, be like to hey, this is the workout, this is me doing that workout and it's really fun. Um, and it's the whole thing.

Speaker 1:

So this has been this podcast, this has been shamradaran starts a revolution. I did sort of want to talk about like some fun stuff. That was like oh why, why is it so much easier to pirate a show than it is to watch it on the streaming platform? Like, literally the other day, my partner and I, even though we pay for a platform or no, we stopped paying for a platform but there was one episode left, so we ended up just going on. Like what is it? One, two, three movies or something like that. And what was funny about that was when we went on the pirating website, it was actually easier to watch it on the pirating website than it was to watch it on the original platform. Uh, because now they're filled with ads and I just sort of wanted to riff on that a bit.

Speaker 1:

But look, I'm exhausted, I'm dilapidated. I gotta save my energy for the festival and I've gotta save my energy for the revolution right now've got to save my energy for the revolution Right now. We've got one revolutionary. That's Ashfield Zameen. He has joined the thing he was in the last episode. Listen to that. He gives me a lot of feedback and then finally, at the end of the episode, he goes we all die someday and I'm like, yeah, now you get it. What the hell? Like that's what I was talking about the arbitrary nature of existence.

Speaker 1:

So, look, this has been fun. I not, I'm worried, but I do think people think I'm not enjoying the journey and I am having the most fun I've ever had. But what's happening is is, as you perform so much comedy and as you write so much, your life is so fun that you're probably not expressing it all the time, because you need the hard stuff. You know what I mean. You need the like. I'm taking so much crack that in order for you to think I'm even high anymore, I need the hard crack. I don't know, there's a metaphor for you.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, this was Sharnam Darian Starts a revolution. The podcast that we start a revolution about nothing where me comedian, sharnam Darian gets so good at comedy the rags to riches story. We're in the rags phase At least that's where my emotional spectrum. I'll come back next week and be like, yeah, I crushed it, I'm the best. But well, we start a revolution by accident and you know, if you joined in the journey now, you're gonna, you're really in for the whole, the whole. You're in for the long haul is what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1:

So I appreciate you listening to this, I appreciate you watching it and I appreciate you. And if you, uh, if you are interested in coming to the show, message me, dm me, whatever, I can give you a discount code or whatever. Uh, it is uh from Brunswick, with love. It's meant to be this zoom in, you're gonna pluck, you're gonna pluck a random person from the world and's going to tell you his story. And that's me. Um and uh, that's the comedy festival show. And um, dude, I'm excited for next year. I'm so excited for next year with this new routine of just writing for an hour a day. I am unblocking, I am healing, I am growing, I am getting better, faster than ever before, which is probably one of the reasons why the negative review shocked me, because I'm better than I've ever been. That's it. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Comment I joined the revolution, or message me who cares. Join the revolution Bye.