What a fun ego death I am having.

haha. All jokes aside I am having quite a lot of fun.

We are half way through the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and I had my first reviewer. What an insane time.

Despite positive reviews from regular human beings, the big reviewer took it out of me. Mostly because I had not experienced one before.

In this episode of Sharam Namdarian starts a revolution we deal with the idea of ego death, dealing with rejection and how people react to you and your art sometimes.

I am actually having so much fun, I don't know why people keep telling me that I am not.

• Received first-ever review from <REDACTED> during my festival run
• Taking the negative review too personally initially, but realising all great comedians have bad reviews, now I am a great comedian
• Tendency to bite off more than I can chew as a method of growth
• Making life unnecessarily harder through overthinking and overcomplicating
• Working to heal rejection sensitivity through recognising it's just data
• Art as artefacts of becoming, healing and letting go
• The revolution continues with one member, will you join?

Transcript

Ego Death & Festival Reflections

Speaker 1 0:00

Hi and welcome to Sharam Namdarian Starts a Revolution , the ego death . That is this . This is why , if you're watching the video version , I'm just chilling , relying on the floor . Just death , death of self . We are halfway through the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and it has been a riot . There have been ups , there have been downs , there have been laughters , there has been the ego death . This revolution is going to be hard and fast and fought , but you better believe we're going to get there in the end . We will start this revolution and it will have no purpose and it will have no cause . This revolution , and it will have no purpose and it will have no cause . The festival has been fun . So we're at the halfway mark . Right , it's been . It's saturday now . Uh , I started on the monday . I've got one more show . It's saturday , so there's two more shows this week and then there's another seven days . So if you haven't come down yet , come down . Obviously , I'll know . If you have or not come down . I don't know you personally , but whatever , it's a fun show .

Speaker 1 1:14

But we had a reviewer from the Age come through on the Wednesday and I gotta tell you I've never had a reviewer come before and I gotta tell you . I've never had a reviewer come before . I reckon I took it way personally than I needed to do . I've never had a reviewer , let alone someone from what is , dare I say , a reputable source , and I was very confronted by the whole thing . I also had comedians talking in the background , which was possibly both distracting for me and for the actual reviewer . Now , for a while I was mad and I was blaming them a little bit , but at the very point of it all is that I should have been whatever . We're at the start of my fucking journey , right ? This is the whole point of this is this is a rags to riches podcast and you can't have rags to riches without the rags .

Dealing With My First Reviewer

Speaker 1 2:14

So the reviewer came back with uh , dare I say a , uh , not the most review , um , and it fucking hurt . It hurt , I am exhausted , I am wounded and I have taken the whole thing way too personally .

Speaker 1 2:37

I realized up until this point when it comes to comedy , one of the biggest things you can deal with is the fear of rejection , and you're constantly dealing with rejection , with do people like your ideas ? You can be the best . I know some people who are , I would say , pretty good , and they're telling me about how they themselves have bad reviews and it's like famous , what is it ? Famous comedian Lenny Bruce from the good old days I think he died in the late 60s Was constantly arrested for what he said on stage . So what I'm trying to say here is , while when I finally got the review because I've never been reviewed for before my emotional fucking landscape just did not know how to handle it , when I got the review it hurt . But when I got the review I realized from ego death comes ego phoenix , which is , I got , I'm a comedian now . No great comedian does not have at least one shit review and it's fantastic . From that end of the spectrum I feel like I'm finally manifesting that destiny . Like , obviously the goal in comedy is to get so good we accidentally start a revolution . Obviously the goal in comedy is to get so good we accidentally start a revolution .

Speaker 1 4:09

But it is interesting that in the highs and the lows of it all that a reviewer like who do you listen to ? You know , when deciding how well you're going and when we're talking about how well , I'm not saying you know , because there's not like a really arbitrary , there's not like a definite objective level of wellness when it comes to , especially any career in the arts . There's only really ever what you want . But do you listen to one person who just has a publication that is behind a paywall ? Or do you listen to the many people that came to the very same night and afterwards told you about how good they thought the show was ? Which do you prioritize ? The answer is the reviewer . No , the answer . I think it's a spectrum . It changes from time to time , moment to moment . If they gave me a positive review , you better believe I would have been posting all about it , rather than making an ego death podcast where I lay down on the floor naked for you . But I just wanted the video version of this podcast to sort of have a level of openness and vulnerability in this component to it .

Making Life Unnecessarily Hard

Speaker 1 5:32

So that's it , you know .

Speaker 1 5:35

And the show has not been selling out . But here's the secret I'll bid off way more than I can chew . That's a theme with me . I'm learning to deal with that , because I realize now what I do is I bite off more than I can chew , because that way I still feel mediocre . If I bit off exactly how much I can chew , I would not feel bad about myself , but I would not be growing as fast as I am . For example , I've realized if I had the same room as other comedians had with the capacity , I could have very easily have said I have sold out my show , baby . I'm watching them say I have sold out my show . Tuesday sold out , wednesday sold out . Some of them genuinely have big spaces , some of them don't . Some of , yeah , but if out , some of them genuinely have big spaces , some of them don't , yeah , but if I had some of those spaces , I could have very well easily said I've sold out the show . So my whole shtick or the joke I've been now saying is if I ever sell out the show , you're not going to see me post about it , you'll just see me driving a new car because that's how much money that show would . That's funds for .

Speaker 1 6:49

Look , I've been on a big trend in my life . I don't know if you relate to this at all or if you ever feel like you should or want to relate to this , but I've been on a very interesting journey of making my life easier . I had a breakthrough maybe around a month ago , where I realized I actually make my life so much harder because , for some weird reason , I was programmed to think life should be harder than it is . So that meant to two ends of the spectrum . That meant thinking that positive , good things should be harder . For example , comedy , comedy is great , gym , health , that should .

Speaker 1 7:32

In my head there's a bunch of stuff that I was actually uncomfortable with them being easy , so I made them harder . I made myself work harder for them . If it was came easy , I just overdid it , overcomplicated it , you know . And on the other end of the spectrum , the things that were hard already I thought should be harder . I should be struggling with them more than I am . So I emotionally over complicated it all .

Speaker 1 7:55

So , like a good example since we're on the topic of comedy , maybe I've got this thing where it's like oh , writing jokes should be hard , should be this hardest thing in the whole world . Performing should be hard . So I made it harder . I stressed myself out , I overdid it . I bite off more than I can chew Things , did it ? I bite off more than I can chew Things like that , you know , just so I can feel when it's hard . It still is hard compared to the strength level that I'm at , basically , but similarly I always thought that , like , things that were naturally painful should be harder than they are like bombing have you ever bombed before ? That's the easiest thing in the world . You know what you do . You get off stage , you recover , done , recover , done . It's not hard , but I made it mean something . You know I'm gonna start this revolution . It's gonna mean nothing , but I made that mean something .

Speaker 1 8:43

So one of the first things I did and I do want to like preach preach to the skies for this particular person . Uh , adrian from grounded strength look it up , that was my personal trainer , adrian from grounded strength . For the last two to three years he's been my personal trainer and it has been genuinely very , very , very , very good . We lost so much weight , gained so much muscle . Uh , I'm now presenting to the world in the way that I would want to present to the world , but when I realized I'm making my life so much harder , I needed to quit working with him .

Speaker 1 9:25

One of the reasons why was money . That's the main reason . To be honest , the festival has taken it out of me , since I bit off a lot more than I can chew and it's like if I was to what's the phrase ? It's like I want that money . If I had that money , my life would be so much easier . But also I need to integrate and digest everything I've learned from my fitness Jesus . To integrate and digest everything I've learned from my fitness Jesus . So taking time to actually think about my own workouts , taking time to digest the information , to create an identity , an internalized version of myself , will actually support my health career so much more . Taking time to be like what do I want , how do I know ? I've got all this knowledge but I've externalized it so much , which is a thing that I do know .

Speaker 1 10:16

On this whole topic of making things hard , I when I was fucking what was it like ? 29 , 28 I had a big

Art as Healing & Becoming

Speaker 1 10:22

breakthrough where I realized I was . So I identified as someone with energy problems that I used to go to the gym and work myself out to to be tired , because I didn't know how to have energy . Like I thought I had energy problems turns out , I just thought I had energy problems , so I was uncomfortable with having a lot of energy , so I just worked myself to a fucking bone . So it's this whole interesting thing .

Speaker 1 10:47

So the ego death that I'm currently going through is this idea that everyone's going to love me , and it seems , when I say this , it seems naive that I say this out loud but art , art . I've been thinking a lot about this during the festival . Art affirms the artist , it's , it heals the artist . It also affirms identity in the artist , and so I've been thinking a lot about where I'm at , as I'm performing , through the festival , through the show , through this , hour after hour after hour after hour . What exactly is trying to be digested , this identity part of myself , what is that trying to be digested , this identity part of myself ? What is that trying to manifest itself ? And I haven't quite figured it out yet , but I was . It's really just a fascinating thing when you look at art from that perspective . Not only what are they trying to say , but who are they trying to become . I think it's a really interesting and beautiful way of looking at art , looking at the artist , looking at where we're at in life and where that person is at . Art is artifacts , and it's an artifact of a becoming and it's an artifact of a healing . And it's an artifact of a becoming and it's an artifact of a healing , it's an artifact of letting go . So this journey is really interesting , you know .

Speaker 1 12:13

Um , the other thing I've been noticing is a lot of people give me advice . A lot of people give me advice and you know , like you watched last episode with Ash Filzamine and he was saying a lot of stuff like you're not focusing on the jokes . I'm like , dude , I'm focusing on the jokes . I don't understand . And this is why I think all feedback is good feedback , because it's sort of like what you get to finally see how someone else is interpreting the information . And is that exactly what you wanted it to be ? I don't know . I don't know if that's exactly what you know . Are you okay with it ? I used to have this when I was a relationship coach . Did people fully understand what I was saying ? And I got to what I call emotional jujitsu . It's this , this transmution of people's the energy and the understanding , and you can only really transmute something when you understand where it's at , and sometimes you can be like , hey , they didn't understand it . But you can be like , hey , I actually didn't want them to understand it . I've got many jokes in the show that actually rely on the audience being like what the hell did he say ? And then I then use that as that's the setup to another punchline , because I'm a genius baby , yeah , so this whole thing has made me realize that I don't know about you .

Speaker 1 13:37

A lot of people on different spectrums talk about rejection , sensitivity . Well , I do think I'm definitely neuronal or neuro whatever it is neuromild , not neuro spicy . I definitely am primed to be more sensitive to rejection . The constant healing and

Learning to Process Rejection

Speaker 1 13:54

meditation I'm going through is dealing with this perspective of uh , will they love me , this disease to please ? And I've realized that with some of that , what's happened is is , as I've healed my blocks towards being loved , as I've dealt with that , as I've processed that , as I've meditated on that , I've actually been more comfortable with dealing with rejection , because my cup is full . You know , you can't take away from my cup , it so full . And then finally , the review came and it just emptied it out and it was this oh , I am . It's not fully a thing of I'm struggling with feeling loved . It's also I'm just afraid of being rejected , because if I'm rejected I won't know myself . I won't know myself . I'm not someone who allowed myself to fully feel and digest and process rejection . So now I'm on this , this journey , this fun , powerful journey of just get rejected . The whole thing is rejection and you know , what's amazing about this story is that you might be listening to this and being like dude , dude , it's just one review . Who fucking cares ? And it is just one review . Who fucking cares If I let one review hurt me ?

Speaker 1 15:15

I was never meant for this game , but then I did a spot at Dirty Secrets . Afterwards I had , you know just a spot . I managed to get it in During my show . I'm not running it . Artem is he ? You know just a spot . I managed to get it in during the my show . I'm not running it . Adam is he's running the show ? Uh and ego , it's been fantastic . But I did a spot and then as people left , everyone was like that was great , that was great . That was great , that was great . Just , just a lot of that was great . And I'm like who's ?

Speaker 1 15:43

Data points , data points , data points , comedy . Everything to me is just data points . It's just feedback . You get the feedback . People like don't lose confidence . I'm like I haven't lost confidence . I might be in pain , but I haven't lost confidence . Some people are like yeah , don't lose confidence . I'm like it's just data , data in data out . To me , creativity can be literally summed up as that Data in data out , which is why one of the reasons why I feel comfortable , at least for the time being stopping personal training . I've got so much data in but I need my brain to digest it so I can fully have some data out .

Speaker 1 16:21

So I made a speaking of data , I made a database and if you ever see me in person , I'll show this to you . I'm not going to put it now . I don't want to edit this . Maybe I will for the video version . I'll just chuck up a couple things . I'm going to wave my hand around so I can see it , but I made a database of my workouts and then I made some emojis with my face using AI for each one so I can symbolize , be like to hey , this is the workout , this is me doing that workout and it's really fun . Um , and it's the whole thing .

Speaker 1 16:54

So this has been this podcast , this has been shamradaran starts a revolution . I did sort of want to talk about like some fun stuff . That was like oh why , why is it so much easier to pirate a show than it is to watch it on the streaming platform ? Like , literally the other day , my partner and I , even though we pay for a platform or no , we stopped paying for a platform but there was one episode left , so we ended up just going on . Like what is it ? One , two , three movies or something like that . And what was funny about that was when we went on the pirating website , it was actually easier to watch it on the pirating website than it was to watch it on the original platform . Uh , because now they're filled with ads and I just sort of wanted to riff on that a bit .

Speaker 1 17:39

But look , I'm exhausted , I'm dilapidated . I gotta save my energy for the festival and I've gotta save my energy for the revolution right now've got to save my energy for the revolution Right now . We've got one revolutionary . That's Ashfield Zameen . He has joined the thing he was in the last episode . Listen to that . He gives me a lot of feedback and then finally , at the

The Revolution Continues

Speaker 1 18:00

end of the episode , he goes we all die someday and I'm like , yeah , now you get it . What the hell ? Like that's what I was talking about the arbitrary nature of existence .

Speaker 1 18:11

So , look , this has been fun . I not , I'm worried , but I do think people think I'm not enjoying the journey and I am having the most fun I've ever had . But what's happening is is , as you perform so much comedy and as you write so much , your life is so fun that you're probably not expressing it all the time , because you need the hard stuff . You know what I mean . You need the like . I'm taking so much crack that in order for you to think I'm even high anymore , I need the hard crack . I don't know , there's a metaphor for you .

Speaker 1 18:51

Anyway , this was Sharnam Darian Starts a revolution . The podcast that we start a revolution about nothing where me comedian , sharnam Darian gets so good at comedy the rags to riches story . We're in the rags phase At least that's where my emotional spectrum . I'll come back next week and be like , yeah , I crushed it , I'm the best . But well , we start a revolution by accident and you know , if you joined in the journey now , you're gonna , you're really in for the whole , the whole . You're in for the long haul is what I'm trying to say .

Speaker 1 19:22

So I appreciate you listening to this , I appreciate you watching it and I appreciate you . And if you , uh , if you are interested in coming to the show , message me , dm me , whatever , I can give you a discount code or whatever . Uh , it is uh from Brunswick , with love . It's meant to be this zoom in , you're gonna pluck , you're gonna pluck a random person from the world and's going to tell you his story . And that's me . Um and uh , that's the comedy festival show . And um , dude , I'm excited for next year . I'm so excited for next year with this new routine of just writing for an hour a day . I am unblocking , I am healing , I am growing , I am getting better , faster than ever before , which is probably one of the reasons why the negative review shocked me , because I'm better than I've ever been . That's it . Thanks for watching . Thanks for listening . Comment I joined the revolution , or message me who cares . Join the revolution Bye .