Sean's Learning Adventure

Confidence Isn't Something You're Born With | Hoang Oanh | Sean's Learning Adventure

Sean Trace

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0:00 | 43:21

In this conversation, I sit down with a talented TV host, actress, MC, public speaking mentor, and mother to explore how confidence is actually built. She shares how she went from being a shy, introverted girl to commanding stages and television screens, not by becoming someone else, but by understanding herself, practicing consistently, and connecting every challenge to a deeper purpose.

We talk about overcoming the fear of making mistakes, preparing for public speaking, finding your “why,” and accepting that work-life balance is rarely a perfect 50-50 split. She also opens up about motherhood, stepping away from her career, navigating divorce, and learning that protecting our children from every struggle may prevent them from developing their own strength. One of the most powerful moments comes from the lesson her father taught her after their family lost everything: human beings are incredibly resilient when they know what they want and keep moving forward.

Ultimately, this episode is about self-awareness, lifelong learning, family, resilience, and becoming your own greatest supporter. What part of yourself are you still learning to understand and accept?

SPEAKER_01

I you know after 20 years in this industry, but I have to admit that I've never without completely confident in the crowd without a very clear job or position. So when I was in the crowd, I'm a I'm a for example, I'm a guest in the event, sometimes I still feel like I'm not totally comfortable. Um and I so that's why I I taught myself that any event I I receive uh the invitation, I need to know my purpose to get into the event. So with that purpose, it's like um the the reason for me uh to be myself and I will feel more confident in in the the the space with all the people that most of them I didn't know who they are. Yeah? So like for example, if you just receive uh the invitation to go to the event just because um just to be polite, you will feel very um um shaking and not comfortable and don't know what to do. Um and normally like for your instincts, you you you don't want to talk to stranger and then you just stay in the corner. So that's why you need to know the your purpose.

SPEAKER_00

Hi, welcome everybody to Sean's Learning Adventure. I have a really awesome guest with me today. Can you tell people who you are and what you do?

SPEAKER_01

Hello everyone, my name is Hong Wan. Uh I'm a TV host, event host, actually, and sometimes uh I'm an actress in a movie.

SPEAKER_00

That's really cool. You have so many cool things that you do. Now, you've worked as a TV host, actress, and MC. What's the biggest lesson you've learned in your career?

SPEAKER_01

Wow. Actually, I I learned so many lessons uh from my experiences uh through how many years in my career. But I think the biggest lesson is understanding who you are. I love it. I think understanding yourself is the most important thing for me because I was a very introvert and uh I was a very introverted girl and I was very shy anytime I stand on the stage or in front of um everyone else. Um really. But I don't know, somehow I I I had a dream to be to become the the MC and the TV host. One day when I was 12 years old, I watched the TV and I feel um so mesmerized because of the the presenter and the program on the TV, and I wish that one day I can become the TV host like that. And that's passion, I think that passion drives me um forward, and I just want to become one so much that I overcome so many obstacles and overcome all the um how to say the the weaknesses of myself because I was very shy and introverted. Uh so I I have to learn and I have to experience more to overcome all my shyness. And I think understanding myself, not like you have to change yourself totally to just adjust to the situation, but you know how to use your skill um to be more confident. Like I don't have to be um someone else. Uh I st I I can be myself, but with more skills and more confidence. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's awesome. And that's the thing, is like to be a better version of yourself, you know. We are all awesome people, but if you can find a way to be better at whatever you love, if you want to be a public speaker, learning ways to speak to people, if you want to learn music, learning ways to do that. But I want to ask you, because as an MC, an actor, and so many things, good communications, I'm sure, is very important for you. What's one simple tip that can help people become better communicators?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think if just to choose one simple tip, I think is practice. You just have to be um very active to practice. First of all, you should attend a class, right? A course, anything that uh that uh if you are um a person who is not confident like me before in the past, I will very shy. So that's why I have to attend a class or a course about MC, about communication, to uh learn many, many skills for myself. Uh after learning the skills, I take time and I challenge myself to talk more in front of the uh of everyone and I practice a lot. And of course, through practice you will see that you have a lot of lot of uh um weaknesses and mistakes, and you learn from your mistakes, and then you you improve yourself through all the experiences. So I'm now I'm the the the uh the coach, the mentor for public speaking uh students, uh classes, but I always tell people that uh what you learn from school or learn from your class is not enough. You have to practice a lot. Like to be like people always say like practice makes perfect. So you have to practice as much uh as um like you have to practice a lot, a lot, a lot. And anytime you you fell down, you get up and you learn from your mistakes. You never like don't don't don't be so scared of making mistakes and don't be so um disappointed about yourself because through all the failure you become a better person, I think.

SPEAKER_00

100%. I think that we um many people are scared of failing. We're scared of looking bad, we're scared of making embarrassing ourselves. But the reality is the only way to get better is practice. If you get out and you do things again and again and again, eventually you'll improve. But you have to be willing to let go of your fear and understand that it's okay. It's okay to make mistakes. I think it's also really important to have a supportive group of people around you, whether that is a class, whether that is a community of people that will say, Hey, you know what? You're doing a great job. Keep going, keep going. I want to ask you this though, too, because many people aren't confident speaking in front of others. You said you were a bit of an introvert. Were you always confident, or did you have to learn it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I have to learn it a lot. Like, I was not like naturally confident person. Um so I guess I guess most of us have something that we are not confident in our life. We are not like not everyone like 100% confident about everything. So it it makes us confident. I think what makes us more confident is knowing that everyone has something that they are not confident about. So everyone is the same, right?

SPEAKER_00

You know my wife, and it's like we're like yin and yang. Like, you know, I'm like yin and she's like yang, because for me, this talking to strangers, I do four podcasts a day, every day, from 8 p.m. till midnight. I have so many conversations. So it I can talk to anyone, and it's no problem. It's easy, it's fun for me. But for V, talking like this is not easy. And she's like, I have to talk to a person I don't know. I have to talk and like do public speaking. V doesn't like public speaking. And yes, if she gets on stage and sings a song, no problem. Completely confident. If I have to get on stage and sing a song, every time my wife asks me to go on stage and sing with her, my hands are shaking. I'm like, oh my goodness. I I it feels so intimidated. And you're right, like everyone has different levels of confidence. But the only way you get better is by doing it again and again and again.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and I, and one more thing, you have to please you have to fire find a purpose to do it.

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Like sometimes you tell people to get on a stage and do something and to be to do public speaking. But if you don't give yourself or give your friends a a reason, a good reason and a purpose to do that, they they will feel like um they don't know what they are doing here, they don't know who they are here, for what? Like actually I I I have um totally understand, I I totally understand um mid-TV because I I'm very interested too. So when I'm when I'm on the stage, I'm like maybe not 100-200% confident about myself, but when I get out of the stage and if I'm in the crowd, just being a guest. I, you know, after 20 years in this industry, but I have to admit that I've never felt completely confident in the crowd without a very clear job or position. So when I was in the crowd, I'm a I'm a for example, I'm a guest in the events, sometimes I still feel like I'm not totally comfortable. Um and I so that's why I I taught myself that any event I I receive uh the invitation, I need to know my purpose to get into the event. So with that purpose, it's like um the the reason for me uh to be myself. And I will feel more confident in in the the the space with all the people that most of them I didn't know who they are. Yeah? So like for example, if you just receive uh the invitation to go to the event just because um just to be polite, you will feel very um um shaking and not comfortable and don't know what to do. Um and normally like for your instincts, you you you don't want to talk to stranger and then you just stay in the corner. So that's why you need to know the your purpose. And I I think even it's not not in c communication, but also in your life. Like I read a book named Ikigai. Ashley is right here. Okay, ikigai. Yeah, ikigai. That's the method from the the Japanese Ikai. Yeah so they they they they talk to you to find your purpose in your life and that makes you like keep moving forward. Yeah. So I think a part of communication is knowing that what is your purpose to communicate. So so why when you get that key, you will feel more confident.

SPEAKER_00

I love it. I do all of my podcasts. I have lots of podcasts, I do lots of conversations. I work so hard because my why, my iky guy, is to m make this world a better place for my daughter. And I feel like every conversation we have, every time that we can help someone, if I'm kind to a person, then maybe they're kind to another person who's kind to other people. And if I teach people to be better, to try harder, then I think that that's something for me. But I also think that I want people to find joy. And those are the things that I I go towards because I think that if we can find that. But you're right. If you don't know why you're doing something, it makes it really hard. And there's one thing that's interesting too, because in any conversation, you're trying to achieve something, you know, whether it be um, let's imagine business English is really easy to see this. Like because if I'm talking to someone from another company, that conversation has a goal. Maybe if it's sales, maybe it's relationship building. And everything that you're doing, you have to figure out what is your why for that. And you know, if you want to be more confident on stage, why do you want to be more confident on stage? But it's so interesting too because what you talked about a little bit, you you said that like sometimes when you go to an event, you're shy and you you're you're a little uncertain. But I want to ask you, how do you get ready before going on TV or before speaking in front of a big audience? Because you speak in front of big audiences. I've seen you at some very big shows. How do you get ready?

SPEAKER_01

Uh, actually, I just get ready like all the women did. Like uh, of course, uh to be confident, uh actually you have to be very well prepared before you get on the stage. Um, first of all, is your uh outlook, right? But the beauty doesn't mean that you have to be very uh luxurious or very splendid in the event, but you just need to be uh compatible with what you are doing. Like, you know, for for my position as an MC on the stage, uh sometimes for for children's party I will wear something different from um the CEO party, right? So the the beauty of an MC or just say in general for an artist, uh for the actress in the movie, the beauty is depend on the character and the events. What what is the event, what is the event or the movie required from you? Then you try to be the most uh compatible that you can to um to be the spirit of the events. Like for me, like if I go to the charity events and be the MC there, I just need the very normal white shirt. I don't need to wear even in gal that's very beautiful. I don't need that. And and in that case, the most beautiful is the symbol for the charity events, right? So I always pay attention on the spirit of the event that I'm I'm in. Um and secondly, I think um to be best performed in the events, I need to learn more about the knowledge that required from that field, from that industry. Sometimes I do tech events, which is I think is what I was very bad at. Like I'm very low tech, but sometimes I do det technology events, so I need to try to learn as fast as possible to understand all everything I will say in the script. Because you need to understand the script, otherwise you just the reading machine, right? So I try to be very knowledgeable and understand everything that I would say to people, to the audience before I say it.

SPEAKER_00

That's awesome because you know when you are informed on a topic, when you're informed on something, it allows you to have that confidence. Maybe you're not an expert on it, but you can at least uh operate from a place or or speak from a place where you have information that you can share and educate people. I try to r remember that when I speak with anyone, one of the things that I try to do is educate people is educate them on ideas, educate them on concepts. But you know, you you have this really beautiful life. And I I said earlier that my why is my daughter, Eilani. She's one of the big motivating things for me. But I want to ask you, how has becoming a mother changed the way you see life and success?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, really? Being a mom, really the greatest experience in my life. I has shan't become a very emotional girl to be a very calm woman. And it's really different. Actually, I feel like my son, Max, my son, like my teacher. He talks me a lot, uh, especially in my um mindset and behavior. Because before having him, um very impulsive, I I think. Like if I'm sad or angry or disagree with something, I will show my emotions right away and I try to take action right away. Which I think not very good because when you are hard tempered, you will not wise enough to make a good decision. But now when I have a baby, like I know that I'm very I have to be very um responsible for everything I do because anything I do will affect on my little baby. So I try to be very calm and I try to be very mindful in everything I do. Uh to be a happy mom, to be because I think normally they they say happy wife, happy life, uh. But for me I say happy mom, happy baby, happy mommy, happy baby. So I I I I learn to be very mindful in everything I do. And I try to be calm to be his um his supporter. Because because when everything happens in life and he sees me calm and confident, he can learn from that.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. Right? And and that's one of the things because you know, it can be hard to balance work and family. What advice would you give to parents who are trying to do both? Balance being a mom or dad and then also being a busy professional?

SPEAKER_01

I actually for me uh it's it's not easy to be balanced between work and and parenting. Um you cannot require yourself to balance the way that 50-50. It's I think it's it's very hard to be 50-50. It's sometime, sometimes, some period of time. Like you have to sacrifice uh your work to take care of your baby, actually f it's especially when you are a mom. Like I think I have to uh be I was off work for two years to take care of Max. And I never feel regret about that, um, because I already know what it takes to be a mom. Because I decided to to burn him, right? So I I feel very happy to to uh step back um just in work to be with my baby for the very uh important first year, two f two years of his life. Um so I think sometimes you have to uh share uh your attention and your time uh for your family more than your work. Maybe 70, 30, sometimes 90, 10, sometimes 100% from your family. But what makes you feel balanced, once again get back to the purpose. I think in life, I think I learned that in life, in everything I do, I find a purpose for that. When you find a purpose and you you accept what it takes, you will have enough of strength to get through everything else. Maybe in the journey you feel sad or you'll feel for more fear of missing out when you see your friends get going up. Up another level in their career, and you will feel oh, if I keep walking, I can have that achievement. But but you have to get back to why you begin, like why you choose to be a mom, and then you think, okay, it's okay, I have my purpose. I want to be the best mom. I want to be always present for my son, and I want him to be um very happy and confident and developed both in physically and mentally. So anytime I I have the purpose and I know what it takes to be a mom, I don't feel fear of missing out anymore. So I think the the balance, the key of balancing is the purpose. You do it and not losing yourself or not losing your dream when you're doing another job as a mom, as a dad, or taking care of your family. Like it's just a bit little bit late. You know that you will take two years to take care of your family, but don't lose yourself uh on the journey. Don't lose your dream. You know that after two years, you have some plan to get back, and even better, I think, with the with the experience and with the change, uh you will be more mature. And I think it is it helps. It's not like hold you back, but it helps you a lot to be a very um very mature person to achieve some other success in your life.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. And I I uh completely agree. I think that if we can find that that anchor and remember that we can always come back, we can always find a new way, you know. But you're right, sometimes it's not 50-50. Sometimes you have to go 70-30. And the reality is, is it's just about finding that balance that works for you, you know? And I think that that's very deep wisdom. But like you've met many interesting people. Is there one person or conversation that changed your life?

SPEAKER_01

Um I'm very grateful because I have met so many good people, many lessons, but just to choose one lesson, I think that from the Zen Master Tit M Nim, you know? The the Zen Master M Nim. Uh my son my son met him every year.

SPEAKER_00

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01

And yeah, I I talked to him only once every year. Only once every year. And I remember the the time after my divorce was the hardest time, the toughest time of my life. That time I I I took all the responsibility for myself. I think I was not doing my best to to to keep the happy family for Max. But actually I already try my best. I know that. But did you there's something uh in myself uh feel like uh I'm not good enough and feel guilty, a little bit guilty. Uh you know that you are doing your best, but you still feel guilty because I think uh because maybe you think you are not powerful enough to to control everything happening in your life. And that's how I think if I can control everything better, maybe my son can have better condition. Um and I try to protect him as much as I can. I try to give him love and everything I can, love, time, attention and everything I can for him. But I'm still in the the stage that I have anxiety. I don't know why, like so much pressure. And then Tai Tayman Nim uh told me that would you want to change anything in your childhood? I think carefully and I told him, no, I didn't want to change anything because what I've been through make me become who I am today, and I'm very grateful and I don't want to change anything. And he told me, so why you want to change and control everything for your son? Let him be. Let him go through all the lesson he has to learn. Maybe he already chose you to be his mom before he comes to this life. And he chose this experience, he chose this lesson, and if you do it for him, you protect him, you try to do things for him, you take away his chance to be better, to be stronger, to be a real man. And this really opened my eyes and my mind. I think yes. Like if my parents do everything for me, if I don't try to be independent and overcome all the obstacles in my life, how can I be a very independent woman like what I a who I am now? And I think yeah, because I have so much love for my son, so I want to protect him all the time, but if I don't let him ping by his brand, walk by his own feet and fly by his own wings, I I that time I I I will be a very guilty mom, I think.

SPEAKER_00

Right? Yeah. And I I think that one of the things that is it's easy to try to do everything for our children and to protect them too much. But I do know that sometimes if we protect them too much, they won't have that struggle that's needed to grow. And in life, struggle is actually important. You want to get stronger, you have to go to the gym, and you have to lift weights, and it is a struggle to do that. But if you don't have that, there's no growth. Growth only happens on the other side of challenge, you know, and I think that one of the things that I have to remind myself with my daughter is let her fight her battles. You know, last year Eilani was at school and um she tried out for a role, and uh her teacher said she if you looked at Eilani, Eilani wanted to be in the school play, and the teacher looked at her and she's like, You're not Vietnamese enough for this. And Eilani's like, Whoa! They said it. And V and I, V and I were just like, okay, like, and I was like, My wife is wiser than me. I want to go fight all my daughters' battles. I wanted to go talk to that teacher and say, Well, you know, let her let her try out, let her try, let her audition. But my wife said, let her, let her go and and and fight her battles. And so my wife talked to her and she's like, you know, you are a strong girl. You can still get out there and you can still try out for this, even in whatever your teacher said. And so Eilani said, because I was like, let's not do it, let's not go for that role. I'm angry. And V's like, if you want to try, try. But understand that there are some people that just are not easy. But don't let your teacher stop you from doing something because of her opinion. And then Eilani said, I'm gonna keep on trying. And she went out, she got a different role, but she still was in the school play. And it was a great lesson. I wanted to protect her, I didn't want her to be judged, but at the same time, she went out there and she shone and she tried out and did something, and it was beautiful, and it's not something I can protect her from. It's not something we can't protect our kids from everything, you know. We can teach them, we can teach them skills. You know, Eilani, one of the things that we've had her doing for a long time is that Eilani goes to learn uh Thai boxing, Muay Thai, because when she was a little girl, oh yeah, when Eilani was like six, she was at school and they went on a field trip, and some weird man started following her and started following the bus and was like trying to to get her by herself. And V and I heard about this, and we were like, luckily the teacher protected her, and we were like there, we were there, but we it was like two seconds, we were just like not cool. And so V and I said after that, our daughter study martial arts 100%. And so she's been studying Muay Thai since five years now. Uh she's been doing Muay Thai, and she has a strong little punch. But I recognized that I can't fight her battles forever, I can't protect her forever, and we have to let and that was one of the things that I wanted her to to learn. But what I want to ask you, what's one lesson you hope your son will always remember? Oh well.

SPEAKER_01

I think this the lesson that I want my son to learn is from his grandpa from my dad. From my dad. My my family was bankrupt when I was 19 years old.

SPEAKER_00

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01

About that time I feel because I'm the firstborn, I'm the first daughter, I'm the oldest in my family. I have two siblings and that time I feel about 20, 20 years old. That time I feel like when my parents get in the hardest um phase of their life I felt powerless. And I think why I was twenty and and I still why I I was so selfish, like I still just mm study and get back home and enjoy everything they do for me, and uh at that time I still cannot earn money or cannot do anything to help them to get over the situation. And they they they get some health problem and my my parents totally like how they say, um it's still like the downfall of everything. They feel very sad and disappointed and I feel powerless because I cannot do anything to help them. And I still have two little m um uh brother and sister next to me. Um my mom cried a lot and my dad was quiet a long time. But then suddenly one day my dad was 60 years old, and that time I was very, very surprised that the 60 years old man he stand up and he told me it's okay, I will stand up, I will do some other job, uh, and we will do it together to pay the debt and we will be happy again, don't worry. And uh it's really inspirational for me because he was 60 years old and he was very strong to stand up and do everything uh again. Um and he told me one thing that I always remember and I think this this I will tell my son. He told me human beings is very incredible. We are invincible. Don't ever think that you cannot do something. Just to know that you want it, just to know what you want, and keep moving forward, you will receive what you deserve. So it really it hit me very hard and it always in my mind all all my life, since I was 20 years old until now nearly 40, and 20 years of my life. Any uh all the battles was very hard in the career or marriage or everything else, but it's just because my dad always always believed in me and he always believed in the strength of human being. And and I I always remind myself that human being very incredible. We can do whatever we want, but we have to know what we want and and make a great effort to to become one, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I I love that. I love going through like you talking about going through the tough times and the the the message your dad gave you. I I have a black belt in judo, and so I know how to throw people really well.

SPEAKER_01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00

And I got that black belt from falling down ten thousand times. But I got up ten thousand and once. It's just about can you keep getting up when you fall down? And I think that one of the things that people don't realize, whether you're in communication, whether you are in work, whether you're in life, we all we will all fall down. But how do you get back up? You know, how do you get back up? You know, my wife the other day, she had a show and she came to me afterwards and she's like, that was a bad show. I didn't like my performance. And I said, Well, what are you gonna do? And she said, Well, I'm gonna work with a singing teacher. And I said, You're such a professional, you've been doing it for so long. And she says, But I can still learn and I can still practice and I can still be better. And I think that it's every one of us can improve. If you're a professional, if you're a beginner, I want to ask you a question. What's one thing you're still trying to improve about yourself?

SPEAKER_01

Wow, as you can see, that my English is not very perfect as I once, so I I'm still learning. Actually, I'm still learning. Yeah, yeah. I'm still learning to be better. Because when I was small, uh I didn't have very good condition to study English from a young age. Uh we studied very late, so we don't have a very good uh pronunciation. But I think most of Vietnamese uh in my generation, um our country have just had the the peace, uh the liberty in a very short time, and we was not in a very good condition. So not everyone have um uh international school. So we study English very late. So we still can be very good at uh grammar or comic communication, but our pronunciation cannot be perfect as the local people. So I I always try to learn more, to practice more, to be better every day. So as you told me about your family story, I really admire uh TV and you, uh how you teach Alani to be a very strong girl, but also very loving girl. So I I think I try to uh I try to keep learning all my life, and I will remind my son to do the same. Keep learning and try to be resilient. Uh anytime you fall down, you try to get back up right away, and and always remind him that he always have me, have his family to to go back. I think love is the most important thing in our life. And when you have the love of from your family, you will feel um invincible. Like anything like whatever happened in your life, just to know that behind your back is your family there. You know you'll be loved, you know you'll be cherished, and you you will be fine.

SPEAKER_00

100% agree. And I think that's one of the beautiful things of like knowing those people are there with you, knowing that they will stand with you is so huge. I I want to ask if you could answer one last question for me. If you could give everyone watching one last piece of advice, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01

Well, so many advice today.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And I think I think it's very hard to find a formula for someone because everyone is different.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Uh actually, this is the last question, right? But uh it's still the same answer as the first question. Um understanding yourself. Like try to deep, yeah, try to to dig inside yourself very, very deep to understand everything about yourself, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you excited, um, what makes you want to to try to drive forward in in your life? Um, what is your purpose? Um so when you understand every single angle uh and aspects of yourself, you feel more confident, not because you are perfect, but because you know how to help yourself. Like normally you think that you can find some help um outside or from other people, but actually you can help yourself. You can be the the best friend and the teacher of yourself. Uh to teach yourself how how to become how to be loved. Um actually I I think I learned I have to learn to love myself the day I born Max. Before that I think I didn't take very good care of myself until the day I take care of Max. And I think like if I'm not a strong person, if I don't have a good health or um a good mindset, how can I teach my son that? Uh before that I was very active, I work a lot, I can have sleepless nights just to go do movies, I run every show just to earn money, I try to be successful. But after that, what it takes to be very rich and very successful, you don't have time with your f your family, um you destroy your health, you feel sleepy all the time, you destroy your beauty, you will uh don't you will have very bad skin, uh, and you you don't have a good diet, too. Like you you eat everything and you are what you eat. So I try to fix everything after uh being a mom. Because being a mom, I I I take very good care of Max and I realized that I didn't take good care of myself. So I think to to have the the last advice for everyone that just to try to understand yourself more every day, take good care of yourself, be healthy, be happy. You don't need to be the most successful person, but you have to be the best friend of yourself. Yeah, or can be the mom of yourself. So I think that that's that's just only a simple key to be very happy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I love it. I love it. Where can people go to see more about you and what you do?

SPEAKER_01

Oh well actually I uh I don't really s uh do so many shows on TV. So only one.

SPEAKER_00

Um What about your social media?

SPEAKER_01

Um my Facebook, my Facebook, my Instagram, uh MC Huangwan. That's awesome. And for the for for for television, uh you can watch me on the daily news name 62nd on HTV.