When Friendship Works or Hurts

Friendships are important. Today, I share some obersations of friendship and also reflect on the friendship Jonathan and David shared from the Bible. We need friendships to grow and have accountability. Healthy friendships welcome progress and push us in the right direction personally, professionally and spiritually. Here are some helpful questions to ponder: How do you define a healthy friendship and why? What is the longest friendship you have and why? What is a lost friendship you wish you still had and why? If you could find a new friend, what would you be looking for and why?

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Tim D. Tellis Experiment. I'm Tim D. Tellis, and on today's episode, I want to share an excerpt from a talk that I give on friendship. The full-length version of it is titled When Friendship Works or Hurts. But I was at a gathering of some pastor friends and church leaders, and I shared a short segment of this talk about some of the observations of friendship. Many of us have heard that popular phrase, show me your friends and I'll show you your future. But one of the challenges is about friendship is how we think about it and how we interpret the value of it. And that can affect how we choose friendships. When in reality, friendships help us grow. But sometimes you can show me your friends, and I would say all of us are learning on how to make friends and be friendly, be available. And the future of our friendships is really a question of how can we ask the question who am I supposed to serve today? And then there are people that are helping us on our journey. I have mentors and role models and friendships that sometimes I feel like they're doing more for me than I'm doing for them. And so friendship is not always about what you get. Sometimes it's more about what you give. And then there are other friendships where it is a mutual serving back and forth, like a great ping pong game or a pickleball game or a tennis game, whatever paddle racket game you like. But this is a short excerpt. I hope you enjoy it today and are encouraged to continue to form friendships that matter. Let's enjoy this excerpt on some awareness and observations of friendship. And my name is Tim. Some of you I've known for a wonderful amount of time. Some of you I just met this morning. But one of the things I I've been really thankful for is uh today, Pastor Randy uh is here along with his son Ryan. And uh this is called Pastor Friends, and I didn't realize it until driving over here today, but I'm with literally my best friends today. So I wanted to, so that way I wanted to share with you guys a little something that's been in my heart about friendship, and it's kind of ironic that this is called Pastor Friends. Uh specifically uh to the ladies in the room, I want you to know that you are are the best at friendship and and us guys are really suffering, okay? So we we're we're learning, we're really good at a distance friendship, you know what I mean? That long distance thing. And when social media came online, we're like perfect. I can hide behind that screen, you know. And then unfortunately, we transitioned and we took that same philosophy to our relationships. Like, you know, for my wife, it's like I text her from the bedroom. It's like, are you here? Oh, you're next to me. Wrong, wrong approach. Anyways, uh, but I wanted to share with y'all something. You already know. Uh I'm I'm in a room of some smart people, and there are some even smarter people than smart. So it always scares me when I open up the Bible in front of people that are, you know, it's like I'm gonna read the Bible in front of smart people. So y'all know the story of Saul and and uh his son Jonathan, and then this this dude, David, okay, and David was a war hero, and so he got called to hang out with Saul and Jonathan and he hit it off, right? Okay, so it's kind of like we were talking about music earlier, Anthony, and it's like you know, you meet another musician you never met, but because they're cool on drums and and you stink at keyboards, you're like, I love drummers because they make the band sound good, you know. There's no such thing as a bad band with a great drummer, okay. So I kind of imagine that's kind of how it was for David and Jonathan. Like they like all of a sudden it's like awesome, like you know, war heroes. Like they probably would have been like Fortnite companions or something, you know, if they would have done done the video gaming thing. And so I want to read this to you because I think it's a tremendous testimony of friendship. And then I want to share with you some observations I've made of friendships. And the reason this is on my heart today is um I've had some terrible friendships and they were my fault. Like, you know, when I was you know, younger and more naive and even more arrogant, you know, you fire people too fast, or you know, you just betray somebody because you just didn't understand what confidentiality meant, you know. And then you met a lawyer, anyway. So that's okay. So let me read this. Uh, and so in 1 Samuel chapter 18. Now, when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. J just that right there make gives me goosebumps because I know this man right here, um, Pastor Ryan, uh, he's now a wealth manager, and I just want to I want to say it publicly today, Ryan. I wish I had your beard on my head. So uh anyway, so my my soul is knit to this man. I I Ryan and I uh I actually I love this man uh just tremendously. So I feel like this is really kind of an exemplify exemplatory uh definement of our friendship. I I really do feel that my soul is knit to yours. Uh Saul uh took him that day and would not let him go home to his father's house anymore. And then Jonathan and David made covenant. Uh, this is an interesting reflection on this scripture. They actually made a friendship covenant. It was actually renewed later when Jonathan found David in hiding. But that's amazing uh to have a friendship covenant. And and I don't believe you can do this with everybody. You know, you can do it with maybe one or two, like you know, I got a covenant friendship with you. But this is really cool. Then Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. That shows me I'm giving my friend all my strength, all my protection, even maybe all my wealth. Right? I'll do anything for you, is is kind of the the phrase, right? Isn't that cool? Wouldn't you want a friend, a friend like Jonathan? I mean, I don't know what David gave Jonathan back. I don't know. But I so I want to share with you a few uh observations of friendship. Would that be all right with you? I hope I kind of set the tone today that uh I stink at it and I'm learning. Okay, and I just lower the mic stand because I'm so tall. Did y'all notice that? I'm so tall I had to lower the mic stand. That's such an embarrassment, you know. Goodness gracious. I actually am the youngest of eight, by the way. And I am the tallest. Well, no, I'll ever be. That's it. Yeah, so this is how tall I'll get. So observation number one is uh friendships are non-transferable. They're non-transferable and they're seasonal. So the friendship I have with Ryan, somebody may meet us somewhere and go, wow, you guys have an amazing friendship. I want that friendship. You know, it's like you can't have it. You just can't. You know what I mean, right? So you may have a friendship with somebody, and it's it's it's unique to the two of you, and it's non-transferable. In leadership, I say it this way: influence is non-transferable, right? You meet somebody, they got this great influence, and you're like, Oh, I want that, I want that stage and that diet coke, or whatever it is, you know. You can't get that. You know, you have to earn it, right? But then some friendships are seasonal. Uh, and I know in ministry world, the reason I wanted to bring this up today in in Pastor Friends is that many of us, you know, we see friendships form through our organizations, nonprofit space, church space, work space, and then they go away. It's okay. They're seasonal for a purpose. Second observation I want to make is that uh a life of impact is really a life of service unto others. If I could say one thing today for all of us doing what we do, it's really our really our net worth is the kingdom worth that we have. You know, how are we serving others? And in friendship, uh you see that in in Jonathan, he just gave everything to David. Hey man, I'm I'm here for you 100%. I'm gonna serve you. Uh a third observation is that there is a difference between friendship and counseling. Okay, I mean I I've I I've had the therapist, the I've had like the counselor and then the therapist. That's like a whole nother level. And then I've had the the therapist that does the EMDR. Have you ever heard of that? Anyone? Okay, you know, because my mother scheduled me for an abortion, and that's a whole nother story. And I was like, what does this mean? You know what I'm saying? How much do you love me? Anyway, so we worked through that, you know, it wasn't her fault. Anyways, I blame my dad. No, anyways. I'm not I'm not blame shifting here, I'm just speaking the truth. Okay, so let's keep going. So, but there's a difference between friendship and counseling. And at some point, you may have to look at your friend and go, I love you so much. This is beyond my capacity. I'll still be your friend, and we're gonna we're gonna go through this. Or, or it may be, hey, do you know somebody I should go talk to? Because obviously you're depressed around me, you know. But there's a difference between friendship and counseling. And and I'm not saying that in this room, you know, you all need counseling. I'm just saying that through one day you may, anyways. Okay. Uh the fourth observation, there's only five today I'm gonna share with you. The fourth observation is uh working friendships, because I really believe that there's friendships that work and there's friendships that hurt, but working friendships share bad and good experiences. Um, like and I'll talk about Ryan for a moment and he won't mind. We'll get together for coffee in Orlando, and I don't want to tell him just the good things going on in my life, because that's what guys will tend to do. Like, look at this deer I killed, you know, with my slingshot. You know, that's not that's not real, okay? That's not real. Like, let's get real. You know what I mean? So it's not just the good, it's it's the bad. Um, so so working friendships, they they do share good and bad experiences. And my last observation today, wait a minute, I have seven observations. Well, five, number five, is if you want friends, you have to be available. Uh, David and Jonathan showed that to each other. We have to be available. Um, number six, uh, working friendships are about accountability and progress. And then number seven, as food comes in, and then I'll pray, is a friendship hurts when it does not welcome honest dialogue. Okay, so honest dialogue for me is that I can I can not just be transparent, but I can ask you what are my blind spots? What am I not seeing as a friend? So today is around the table. Uh, I hope you either maybe you make maybe you form a new friendship, or maybe you break up with a friend that's with you. I don't know. I don't know what you're gonna do. But I I I wanna just leave us with this um friendship is important. Okay, you're important. Um, I'm glad you're here, and this matters, but most importantly, your work matters as well. Um, serving churches, being a part of the local church. The local church is the greatest force for good. And uh, I'm glad that we're together in this room. So I'm gonna give thanks for our friendships uh at different levels, but I'm gonna also give thanks for the food. Let's pray. God thank you. Well, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, this is important to me that we emphasize the value of friendship in our lives. And the friendships that you have today are important, they are going to determine your future and your progress, but also the new friendships you don't yet have. Think about it. How can you be the friend that somebody else deserves? In Proverbs chapter 17, verse 17, it says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. So I hope that you have those friendships in your life that are there for you, that help challenge you, that help grow you. But then also you're doing that for someone else as well. Well, thanks for tuning in today to the Tim Detellus experiment. You can sign up for my email newsletter at timdetellus.com. And until next time, continue to live a life of impact right where you are and wherever you go.