From Embarrassment To Accepting The Christ Light Within

I used to feel embarrassed even saying the name "Jesus". And today, I’m sharing something deeply personal: what it’s like when a lifetime of resistance finally loosens and a real spiritual awakening begins to take root. Not a perfect conversion story, not a tidy explanation, just an honest awakening of welcoming Jesus Christ into my heart.

We explore the difference between repeating spiritual words and living them. For years I tried to let God and Jesus into my heart and nothing changed, until a series of events early this year helped me open to receiving It. That becomes the thread of the whole conversation: the Christ light and love isn’t something I manufacture through effort, I think it’s a God presence that has always been here, waiting for my consent! 

If you’re navigating faith deconstruction, returning to Christianity, or simply craving a more personal relationship with Jesus, this reflection offers language for that in-between place you may be in.

I also talk about the long path that leads to these moments: seeking, reading, visiting different churches, learning from teachers, and staying committed to the questions. And because spiritual growth isn’t just “thinking better,” we get into inner healing support like therapy, spiritual direction, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work. We end with discernment: asking for guidance, noticing how help shows up, learning when to act, and learning when to pause.

If this resonates, subscribe wherever you listen, share the episode with a spiritual seeker in your life, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What does “welcoming God” look like for you right now?

Visit WelcomingGod.com to sign up for our newsletter, download the ebook companion to season one, and connect with Sarah directly through the contact form at the bottom of the web page.  

Music by Song Channel Music.  Listen at SongChannelMusic.com

Internal Family Systems info.

Transcript

Tempo: 120.0

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Hey everyone, Sarah here. Just to let you know, sometimes I do use swear words in these episodes, and we may at times discuss adult content. In case you happen to be listening around little ones or people that won't appreciate that. Thanks so much for listening, and let's get right into it. Hi, and thanks for joining me on Welcoming God. Hey everybody, Sarah Haeckel here. Thank you for joining me on Welcoming God. I want to share something that's been happening for me and to me this year so far. It is an awakening to Jesus Christ and allowing welcoming Jesus into my heart. I never felt a close relationship or bond with Jesus. And to be honest, I didn't even know exactly who Jesus was. I used to feel embarrassed to just even say the name Jesus. And uh it just brought up a lot of embarrassment and shame and discomfort for me. So I've certainly come a long way since then over the years going through the spiritual maturation journey. And now I'm at this place where I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and recognized that the Christ light and love is always within me. I just allowed it to be here now. And and like this woman said to me, accepted it now. So this is something new for me because I rebelled against the Christian tradition for so long, and like I said, did not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ at all. And so I it feels very new. This feels very new to me. And what I want to express to you is I don't know exactly what it means. All I do know is that it feels good and right, appropriate. And this idea that the Christ light and love is always within me, has always been within me. It's just now that I am accepting it into my fullest life and welcoming it and making room with it, for it, it has always been here. It's just waiting for me to accept it. And and I think the reason why I want to share this is because I have tried to let Jesus into my heart. I've tried to let God into my heart. I've I've said, okay, yes, I'm Jesus, I welcome you into my heart. I've said it time and time again, but I didn't feel it. And then something shifted for me this year through a series of events that allowed me to open up to receive this God love presence into my life and welcome it into my life as opposed to being diabolically opposed to this love. And it really does feel like it is about welcoming God into my heart, into my full self, a God presence that is always here, it's always here. I am within it, it is who I am, we are one. And how much is it up to me to just allow this natural process to unfold of fully recognizing the godlikeness within myself, the Christ light and love within me, Jesus the Christ within me? All of this has been a real process for me, and it has happened over time. And I just want to say this for those of you that might be feeling like, I want that too. I don't know how to get it. I don't know. You know, for me, it was a process over years of uh staying on the path, continually searching, seeking, question asking, reading, going to different churches, listening to different teachers. I mean, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Also on my own personal healing journey, working with a therapist, working with a spiritual director or a spiritual coach, um working with my parts through internal family systems, parts work. It continues to evolve. And I know it will continue to evolve. Uh, this is not the last step. This is just a part of this journey. And I just want to say that to you because I know it will bring some of you hope and clarity. It's okay where we are at right in this moment. That's appropriate. We're where we are. It is what it is. And we can continue stepping towards the oneness, towards the truth, whatever we perceive this to be. And continually asking God for guidance and whatever you call your higher power, God, goddess, truth, one true source, all that ever is, was, and will be, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, to continue communing with this one true source, asking for support, asking to be led, asking for guidance. I mean, truly, Jesus said, ask and you shall receive. And it is true. We we have to make an effort, you know. That's a part of being in relationship. And that's a part of our human experience in a huge way, you know. Um, yes, sometimes the things just come to us seemingly out of the blue. And I also know, like, that story about the guy that asked Jesus or God to help him save him from the flood, and he was standing on the roof of his house, and Jesus sent like a boat and a helicopter and something else. And the guy didn't take any of the help that was offered him, and he died and ended up in heaven talking to God. And God, he said, Why didn't you help me? I asked for help. He said, Well, I sent the boat and I sent the helicopter. So it's like, you know, we have to ask, and then we need to receive it, which is a big part of this healing that I'm going through, was all about learning to receive, receive God, accept it into my life, myself, acknowledge it's always been here. It's it's who I am, is this life force energy expressing through me. I mean, that's God is working through me as long as I can allow it and help work with my parts and get out of the way enough to allow God to have God's perfect will be done for the greater good of all, with the least amount of suffering and the most amount of joy in all places, spaces, times, dimensions, and realities for me and my parts and all that ever was, is, and will be. So the this is just uh something that I wanted to share with you: a little encouragement along the way, receiving how important it is to receive, how important it is to act when we feel God calling us to act, to wait and pause when we feel God asking us to wait and pause because we're not getting a hit to do anything else. These are all things that we learn to discern over time through constant practice, constant practice. It is a commitment. To me, it's the most important commitment. The most important relationship I have in my life is with God. And cultivating this relationship is of the utmost importance to me. And so I know that you are where you are on the journey, and it's where you are. And I wonder how you will continue to step forward with and through God on your path to cultivating, accepting, acknowledging, receiving this one true source fully into yourself as who you are, expressing through you all for the greater good in this life for forever, for always. So I will leave you there for now. Take care, God bless, and aloha nui Loa, always and forever. See you next time. Hey everyone, Sarah Haeckel here from Welcoming God, a podcast for spiritual seekers. This is a legal disclaimer to say that this podcast is not a substitute for therapy or professional help. I am not a trained therapist. I also have not studied theology in a formal setting. This podcast is purely for educational, inspirational purposes, to share the goodness of welcoming God back into my life and all of the things that I'm learning on this journey. So thank you for joining me here, and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks for joining me on another episode of Welcoming God. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen, and consider leaving us a review as it helps more people find and benefit from this show. Music by Song Channel Music. You can listen and hear more at Songchannel Music dot com. Until we meet again, Aloha Nui Loa, take care and God bless you.