Jealousy, Envy & Covetousness: What If Your Desire Is Not Your Destiny

Jealousy, envy and couventous desires can feel totally cringe! But, don't throw them out and just try to make them go away! How can seeking to understand these thoughts and feelings and what motivates them help you to uncover something deeper, something way more fruitful than having what others have? 

Today I’m reframing jealousy, envy and covetousness through a spiritual lens and asking a question that cuts straight through comparison: What does God want for me? 

We talk honestly about the desires most of us carry for the relationship, the home, the money that brings stability, the sense of being chosen and secure. I walk through how frustrating it is when those things don’t show up on our timeline or in the way we may think they should, and how quickly this can turn into feeling sorry for ourselves with a “why not me?” attitude.  We'll also discuss how thinking someone else's life must be perfect can cloud our perception of actual reality. 

Then I share my Free To Be practice, built from years of coaching and mindfulness tools, starting with the simplest step: pause and notice what’s happening before reactivity takes over. From there, we look at reality with clear eyes, including the practical choices we can change and the old beliefs that keep us stuck. 

I also share a personal reframe around not having children or a partner, and how grief can coexist with real peace and freedom. And we explore one of my favorite shifts: turning jealousy into inspiration, remembering I don’t have to become someone else to be worthy or valued. I can just be me!  

If you’re ready for spiritual growth that’s grounded, honest, and actionable, press play and journal along with the prompts near the end. Subscribe, share this with a friend who struggles with comparison, and leave a review so more spiritual seekers can find Welcoming God.

Want to stay connected? Join the email newsletter at WelcomingGod.com for a free ebook companion to season one and info on upcoming retreats for women going through the menopausal journey. 

Music by Song Channel Music.  Listen at SongChannelMusic.com

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Free to Be Process

Jim and Jori Manske

Eckhart Tolle

Human Design Type

Transcript

Welcome And Content Note

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everyone, Sarah here. Just to let you know, sometimes I do use swear words in these episodes, and we may at times discuss adult content. In case you happen to be listening around little ones or people that won't appreciate that. Thanks so much for listening, and let's get right into it. Hi, and thanks for joining me on Welcoming God. Thank you so much for joining me today on Welcoming God, a podcast for spiritual seekers.

When Desire Shrinks Your Life

SPEAKER_00 0:50

This is Sarah Haeckel, and in our new season, we are going to talk all about jealousy and envy and covetousness and a possible new intention reframe on these things, as well as aligning ourselves with something so much better, so much bigger than what we could ever think we would want for our lives. And I think that is the start great, a great starting point. That is the starting point, is to recognize that we as human beings have human minds. We don't have the mind of the one true source, whatever that is. And the one true source's mind is beyond our comprehension. So just thinking that we want what only our human mind can imagine or create or co-create, how does that limit us? How limiting is that? I'm just gonna let that land for a moment. How limiting is it for us to just think that what we want, what we desire, is what's possible, is what's right. Yeah, that definitely gives us something to think about, doesn't it? Something to consider. Huh, well, maybe what I think is right or what I think I deserve or should have, or what I think I want, it isn't even like it's not the best for me or others. It's not even like as good as it could be, it's not the best that it could be. That's a pretty profound inquiry, pretty profound thoughts here and questionings to reframe our some of even our core desires, our core dreams. And

Asking What God Wants For You

SPEAKER_00 3:09

this leads me to a question that really has come through the spiritual coaching that I was doing a few years ago. What does God want? You know, and God put in whatever word you want there. What does my higher power want for me? What is the best for me? And I got this in life coaching many years ago. I was working with the first life coach I had ever worked with, and I got this insight, this realization that what's best for me is best for the whole. It's best for all of life. And that's such a liberating thought. Yes, what is right for me, what is good for me is good for the whole. And that brings me to this question that the spiritual coach I was working with in the past would present to me this idea of, well, what does God want for you? What does God have for you? What about wanting this instead of all the other stuff? And it was like, whoa, yeah, okay, like here I am wanting and desiring and coveting what others have. I see myself as a part from, not a part of. So I see I'm seeing myself through this lens of I don't belong, I'm not a part of. They have something that I want that I can't have, but I want, and why don't I have it? What's up with that? You know? And those are definitely parts of myself, you know, those are parts that have all kinds of traumas or burdens from the past. And as I worked with the spiritual coach, he really supported me to start to understand that I actually really want what God has and wants for me. And you know what? That might not be what parts of me actually want, you know, like the relationship, the house, the money. I mean, you know, those are such normal human desires, right? That that one true love or that right relationship, that house that we've been dreaming of buying and having for ourselves, the bank full of money so that we feel secure and have cash flow to support ourselves and do fun stuff, you know, take care of our kids, or go on vacations, or eat well, or get health support we might need, or whatever it is, you know, um, do pleasurable things we enjoy, uh, whatever, sports, going to concerts, games, et cetera, um, doing self-care stuff, getting a massage once a month, or, you know, going to see a really great therapist that might cost a lot of money out of pocket. Like these are all things that money is beneficial for, besides just taking care of our basic needs. Um, having a car, transportation, you know, it so many reasons why we desire these just core things to feel safe and secure. And yet sometimes they don't seem to be showing up the way that we expect them to, want them to, that we've been praying for, that we've been working towards. And it can feel, believe me, very uh frustrating and very like what's the word I'm looking for? It can feel like disappointing. Not like disappointing, it can feel disappointing, but but there's another feeling that's present here, like down, you know, it can feel like, oh, why not me? Woe is me, why don't I have that? You know, and then we go into comparing ourselves to others and we formulate these ideas and stories about others' lives and how great they must be or perfect when their lives might be far from perfect. Their relationships may be far from perfect. So it's important to be able to see all of those

The Free To Be Pause Practice

SPEAKER_00 8:10

things. Um, I have a process called free to be, and it's a process I put together based on all different teachings I had learned over the years uh from Jim and Jory Manske, uh nonviolent communication trainers. Um, they did this awesome course I took back in 2011 called Um From Reactivity to Choice, uh from Eckhart Tole, from Janeth Blackert, and some stuff she shared about access consciousness from life coaching. I mean, all these different um tools and things that I had learned over the years, I put it together in a five-step process. And the first step is really about pausing and noticing, noticing what is happening in the moment, noticing when I'm starting to have these thoughts, like, oh, why not me? Why hasn't this happened for me yet? This feels so frustrating. I've worked so hard. I don't understand. Why am I still alone? Why don't I have the thriving career? Why am I not in my own home? Now, some of those things we may have played a part in. You know, maybe we have consistently chosen the wrong type of person to be with. Maybe we don't yet feel secure and grounded in ourselves enough to really hold and contain and be a part of an amazing adult, mature, awesome relationship that's thriving. Maybe we have spent our money frivolously or invested it on other things instead of saving for a house. And hey, if you've chosen to invest on other things like I have, that's okay. We can recognize the benefit of that. And then it also brings us back to reality. Like, okay, well, I did have some money and I chose to invest it in this. And this actually was a really great investment. So I know where my money went. I wasn't spending it frivolously, but I chose to invest in this instead of buying a house. Okay, that's what I chose, you know. And at least we can see the facts, we can see the truth. And then if we still want a house, then maybe we start adjusting our spending so that we save money for a house instead of some of these other things that we've been spending on. Um, so, you know, these are just some ways that we can start to adjust our thinking based on reality, what's really happening. You know, sometimes it's about, well, gosh, have I been complacent in my work? Have I, you know, or have I been um operating from old belief systems or thoughts about things? And that's been holding me back from experiencing new relationships or doing fun stuff that I love or exercising or being more physically fit or more mentally well, or, you know, I haven't sought that therapist, or I know I need to, but I've been holding back, or I can't afford it. So I've just been using that as a, you know, avoidant tactic as opposed to finding therapy that's affordable or completely free or covered by my insurance. You know, there are all different ways that we may be showing up that are getting in the way of us experiencing more of what we truly desire. And then how much of that is about our perspective on things? You know, I have been dreaming of and cultivating a healthy self so that I can be prepared for the right partner when the time is right. And it has been years. And I'm like, you know, I also thought I would have two or three kids. And, you know, it just it hasn't happened. And, you know, at this point, it's like, well, I don't know if that's, you know, the kid part. It's like, well, you know, I'm at an age now where I don't want little kids, you know. Um, but it's I've felt sad about that and bad and disappointed, depressed. Like, why, why not, God? I don't understand. And then just recently in the past year or so, I've started to recognize how much peace I have in my life because I don't have children to take care of that are depending on me, that I have to run around all over the place, help them navigate life. And also not having a partner, yeah, there are some benefits. Sure, there are lots of benefits to having a partner. And at the same time, I just am able to go with my own flow. I live in a lot of peace. I have a lot of space in my life to do what I want to do. And there's a big benefit to that. So although I still do dream of and desire a right fit partner at the right time, I also now am able to take in the goodness and the gladness and the joy and the peace and grace, the great grace that I know God has given me by creating a life where I have been able to focus so much on my own healing and growth and development that I may have not been able to focus on had I had all these other things in my life, like a partner and children and a home to take care of, et cetera.

Turning Comparison Into Inspiration

SPEAKER_00 13:46

So, you know, as we do this work, maybe it's with a spiritual director or spiritual coach, maybe it's with a therapist, somebody that can help us navigate all of our internal parts that are coming up, getting jealous of others, saying, I want that. Oh, I why does why is he so successful? You know, oh, I want that, you know, and it's like, well, do I want that? No, I don't want that because that's for him. But I can start to see that there's something about what he's doing and how it's happening for him, how he's experiencing it, that inspires me. That inspires me. It's speaking to some core desires of mine or my parts. And that's a great shift to say, ah, okay, well, if I want that too, then how will I show up in my life to open up to a career like that or a relationship like that, or um even, you know, moving like that, you know, um, seeing somebody dance and say, oh gosh, I wish I looked more like that or was able to do those moves so sharp and clean and clear. Well, if if that's something I really desire, then who am I gonna be to show up to cultivate that? Now, if that's something that I recognize, oh, actually, I don't desire that. I actually desire to just be more like me, the me that God has me here to be, then how will these thoughts help me accept and recognize my own gifts that I'm offering the world by being myself? I don't have to dance like someone else, look like someone else, do things like others do in order to be valued, validated, appropriate, respected, a contributor to the greater good of all of life. How about I can just be the true me, the real me that God has me here to be? That's a great question. And it does require some inquiry, and it may require a significant amount of support to get there: therapy, counseling, spiritual direction, spiritual coaching. I mean, you know, and sometimes it can take years, decades of going through this healing process to start experiencing real shifts and changes. And I had this realization many years ago. Um, there was this woman in town that I would feel jealous of, like, oh, why don't I, why can't I move like that? Why don't I look like that? And then I had this awareness this one night at the club watching her dance, and I was like, I am so glad she moves like that because she is doing that for all of us. She is a part of this wholeness that I am too, and we all are, and she is expressing life in this beautiful way. That is so awesome, you know. Awesome. I don't have to be like her because she's already who she is, and she's already contributing this to all of life. What a great relief! Ah, I can just be me. I can just have fun on the dance floor. I don't have to, you know, stress myself out or push myself to do super cool moves or try to be like anyone else. And I remember when I was in Cuba in 2011, and one of my dear soul twin brothers, he was one of my instructors there. And he was like, you know, Sarah you learned how to do that that way, you know, that styling move or whatever. And he was like, why don't you just move like yourself? And it was so cool that I was able to take his guidance and say, yeah, like I'm enough. Me is enough. I don't have to look like her or him or them. What a great relief.

Journaling Prompts And Co-Creation

SPEAKER_00 18:32

So there are some other things that I'd like to talk about, and I'll save that for the next episode. So there, this was packed full of a lot of really good, juicy, meaty stuff. And I just invite you and ask you when will you take a few moments, five, 10 minutes to just sit and either think about some of these questions and ideas, journal about them, talk with them to a friend or your spiritual director, counselor, therapist, so that you can start to understand a little bit more about gosh, where does some of my jealousy or envy come from? Or gosh, I'm really like coveting this, or like I want that man's that, you know, I want that man, but he's already with someone. And oh, but it would be so nice if he was attracted to me. That could be really fun. And it's like, I don't really want to pull someone away from what's theirs. Like, that's not what I'm about here. You know, I want what's for me. That's where my whole intention and commitment lie now. And it feels so good to say, I don't want what you have. I want what is right for me. And you know what? It might not be what I think I want, but it might be way better than anything I could have dreamed up on my own. Because ultimately what God has for me, I know is the right thing. And then I get to sit and inquire about, okay, well, you know, God, are you really putting this desire on my heart? Are you calling me to do this? And if you are, then how do I need to show up to co-create this with you? Who do I need to be to allow this into my life to be a part of this glory, this great joy and glory and gifts that you are desperately trying to give me? You know, is it is it purely just acceptance? Like, you know what? Well, I'm just gonna accept things the way they are, or is it, you know what? If I really want a house, then I need to start minding my money and saving more and not spending frivolously. And maybe I can actually make more money to increase my income and that will help as well. Um, if it's to, you know, have the right relationship, but it just doesn't seem to be working right now. Maybe it's just about letting it go and just getting to enjoy life as a single person for now and just enjoy all the space and the clarity and the gifts that it gives us, the freedom to go with our own flow and enjoy life on our own terms for now, because you know what? It won't always be this way. So this is a great gift right now. So I just invite you to take some time with these inquiries, these questions, these ideas, and just write it down, you know, what are some things, what are some ways that you're gonna take this forward, some of these thoughts and ideas and co-create with God? If that's what you truly feel is the right thing for you, how will you become a co-creator with the one true source to invite in, receive? You know, some people are real manifestors, generators, some people are more receivers and need to allow things to happen, but we still have to make moves. Um, how will we partner with the one true source to enjoy the benefits and the gifts of this glory that God is desperately trying and wants us to have and give to us so we can receive it? So I'll leave you with that. Thank you so much for being here.

Clay Labyrinths And Sharing The Show

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Um, I want to tell you that I have started making handheld clay labyrinths. So if that's of desire to you, if you have a group that you'd love to have a set of handheld clay labyrinths for, or just one for yourself or for a church or um community center campus ministry, um, you could have it in your dorm room, in your office, at home. Let me know. Just send me an email, go to welcoming God.com, scroll to the bottom of the page for the get in touch section, and just send me an email there. All right. Thanks so much for being here with me today. Please share this episode if you found it inspiring with others, and I will see you on the next episode. Hey

Disclaimer Subscribe And Closing

SPEAKER_00 23:22

everyone, Sarah Haeckel here from Welcoming God, a podcast for spiritual seekers. This is a legal disclaimer to say that this podcast is not a substitute for therapy or professional help. I am not a trained therapist. I also have not studied theology in a formal setting. This podcast is purely for educational, inspirational purposes, to share the goodness of welcoming God back into my life and all of the things that I'm learning on this journey. So thank you for joining me here, and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks for joining me on another episode of Welcoming God. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen, and consider leaving us a review as it helps more people find and benefit from this show. Music by Song Channel Music. You can listen and hear more at Songchannel Music. Until we meet again, Aloha Nui Loa. Take care and God bless.