S2 Eps 1 We Thought We Ran A Business. Two Freelancers Learning To Earn Trust

We dig into what trust really means in life and business, and admit where we fall short. Practical tools, real examples, and a clear path to build trust through small promises, honest repair, and visible process.

• Reflection on 2025 lessons and a slow start to 2026
• Defining trust as predicted reliability and benevolence
• Mismatched expectations and how to prevent them
• Five tools: expectation audit, trust equation, small promises, repair protocol, measured vulnerability
• Applying trust to client work and creative business
• Showing process, mistakes, and specific social proof
• Lowering self‑orientation and sharing value with zero ask
• Micro‑commitments, discipline over motivation, public consistency

Please, if you have any comments, just give us a thumbs up. I don't mind if you say it was crap, it was good or whatever the case is. Share it, like it, don't like it, leave a comment, and we'll see you in the next one.

Transcript

New Season, Fresh Start

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey there, I'm Louie. And I'm Bridget. Welcome to the Bolton Ink Effect Podcast, where we are navigating new horizons.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Each week we're pulling back the curtain on what it really takes to build something remarkable: a business, a life, and a legacy.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

So join us as we share honest conversations about relationship, entrepreneurship, video production, and the art of building a life together in a new land.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Because sometimes the biggest risks lead to the greatest rewards.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

How can we help?

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Can I ask you the question?

Reflecting On 2025 And What’s Next

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Welcome back, everybody, to the Bolton Ink Effect Podcast, where my wife Bridge and I talk about life, love, and everything else. And yes, it's been a bit slow in the beginning of the year, but we're back in the studio now after much procrastination and bantering between what we should talk about and life and love and everything else. And welcome back, Bridge.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Thank you, Louie. I'm excited that we finally made it into the studio.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

You don't sound excited.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

No, I am. I'm very excited. How was your break? Um, our break was really good. We um this island that we live on is extremely beautiful. Um, and we are very lucky that we have the friends that we have that we could come together and share love and time and laughter and conversation and just reset for the new year. I think it's really important. And that we, you know, have our daughter with us.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

How are you feeling about uh 2026?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Yeah, that's that's an interesting question. I I sort of retrospectively looked at um 2025, and and for me that was a great year for awareness. Um, and 2026 is um a year for, yeah, once again, it's um I don't quite know how to frame it yet. I haven't quite landed in 2026, to be very honest with you.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I think that's been a theme for both you and me, is like 2025 was uh, well, it's behind us now, it's in the past, but it was a long year, and it was a good year. Um and with lessons learnt, it was the first sort of full year of our our business. Um, and you know, we've been having this discussion about what is a business actually, and what we want to do for 2026. And I agree with you, I haven't quite landed in 2026 just yet. But having said that, we're here in the podcast studio and it feels good. Yeah, I must say it's it's it's brilliant to be sitting opposite you and and and having another chat. So this is season two. This is seven. This is season two. I reckon that you know last year uh we did 16 episodes, not as many as I would have liked.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

However, yeah, I think 16 was good though.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

We've done. That's more than most can say about you know just getting it out there and and and doing it. So I'm proud of us for achieving that. And this yeah, I do. I do want to lean into the podcast more because I see the value in it. I'm trying to I'm trying to see it as a big picture.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

I think the big picture is that a podcast gives you space to explore, and very often you can multitask while listening to a podcast. So you can be getting these amazing tools that somebody is talking to you about, or you can be listening to an interview between two people, and there are little glimmers of insight for you, and you can do it while you're cooking, you can do it while you're walking your dog. So, in this in this age of um, we're not quite multitasking, we we you know, we're quadruple tasking, we're doing multiple things all at once, it seems to have come into its own.

Naming The Elephant: Trust

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Yeah, I'm going to challenge you on that because you can't actually multitask. But we'll put a pin in that for now. No, but you know what I mean. You could listen. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Back to today. Yes. And this is something that you and I have been speaking about or pondering, and it's something that's been on my mind, and we're just like dissecting something fundamental that everyone talks about. But I think few truly understand, and this is the concept of trust. Why did this come up for you now? I have been stuck in a phase of inertia, inertia meaning not wading through mud, but just a real sense of who do I trust around me in a business sense? Who do I trust around me in my close personal space? And what does that actually mean? And I think what led up to this was the concept of being on our devices all the time and seeing these creators for on social media or interest media platforms, and listening to people and following people, and why I keep going back to those people or those personalities or those celebrity celeb celebrities. And it came back down to trust, and it's something that I've been dealing with in some. So you trust the views of these people that you follow. Some of the the very few that I do follow, they have earned my trust because they've been consistent and they have they add value to my life. Okay. Um and in the business that we are trying to build, and let's let's draw a line in the sand here. We don't have a business yet because you and I are basically two freelancers working together, aiming towards a business. Yeah, that's the truth of it. It's a hard truth to come to because we don't have regular clients, we don't have a regular monthly income.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

But it does feel slightly uh unnoble. It feels much more noble to say, you know, we run this business, and these are the skills that we have in the in the in this business, and that's how we attract the clients towards us.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Correct. And I think that is still a message that we can go out there because things take a lot longer than you and I have realized. That's one aspect of the learning last year. Yeah. But coming back to this trust element is that we need to build trust in our business. You need to build trust in you and me, and we are our own personal brands. Bolton Inc. is a brand, but within that is Bridget Bolton and Libby Bolton. So, you know, I I'm not talking about that fluffy corporate buzzword. You know, it's the let's talk about the actual mechanics of it. What it what what makes it work, what destroys it, and and how we actually build that systemically or systematically.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Okay.

Defining Trust And Expectations

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Well, well, both actually, because you've got to build the systems that create the trust with your clients, and it has to be something that is systemic within you that attracts people to you. Correct. So that people have a have a sense that what you say is is true.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

And has value. And that you constantly show up. So I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Okay. And I'm asking you the questions as if you are a guest that knows a lot about this. And the reason I say that is that you've you've been around the block. What I mean is you have that came out wrong, Bridge. How do I say it? You have years of experience. Yes, let's let's keep it to that. Okay, so I'm saying you you haven't just stepped stepped into college. Okay. So yeah. So bear with me. And let's just let's just play with play with this a little bit. Okay. So can I phone a friend on question? No, you can't. And it's not 50-50. Oh, okay. You're it. So when someone says they trust you, what are they actually saying? What's the specific trans transaction happening in your brain?

SPEAKER_02 7:31

When somebody trusts me, what is the transaction happening in their brain?

SPEAKER_01 7:35

When someone says they trust you.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Yes, what is the transaction happening in their brain?

SPEAKER_01 7:38

What's the specific trans happening in their brain?

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Uh I guess there's something that we pick up uh intuitively, like there's there's an energetic thing, which is first and foremost. Which is first and foremost what what what we go through. I I guess there's a sense of vulnerability because this person is going to do what I've asked them to. This person is going to to, I'm going to do what this person has asked me to do. Right. In the in the right time frame, at the you know, if it's a client at the right cost, uh with the with the outcomes that they're expecting.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

I love that. So they they believe that you'll act in their interest even when they're not watching. 100%. Because I'm doing the work behind the scenes. So even if it costs you something, and even if you could get away from not doing so, they're still trusting you to be able to do that task or that job or that request or et cetera, et cetera. Okay, brilliant. So trust is is predicted right. Trust is predicted reliability and perceived benevolence. Okay, so it's math, like you were saying, and it's also heart. Right. So what's the single biggest trust killer you see in relationships or business partnerships or family dynamics? What is the single biggest trust killer? Not doing what you said you were gonna do. Not doing what you said you were gonna do. So what does that do to you? So so it's mismatched expectations, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

So they were explicitly stated you were going to do X by X for X. And if that's mismatched or not done, then there's gonna be a problem.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

But then doesn't that come back to the point of, well, let's be clear that about our expectations. So what are your expectations of me and which of those can I deliver? And if you don't? Well, what when we're having when when we're up front and we're having the conversation, that's when you say, I can't do X, Y, and B.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Okay, cool. So it's that discussion that happens between either yourself and your daughter yourself or your husband yourself or a business client. Okay, cool. So mismatched expectations that were never explicitly stated, that you think you're being trustworthy by your standards, and then they feel betrayed by theirs. Neither of you said what trustworthy meant in a specific context. So back to your point about having the conversation or almost saying their words back to them. You want me to do X, fill in the blanks, buy by whatever, and this is what I will, this is what I will do. And then follow through. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Well, if you want, if you want to repeat business, if you want to stay in relationship with your child, if you want to stay in relationship with your husband, and if you want that client to come back to you, always do what you said you were gonna do. Because not everybody allows trust to be broken and then to still come back. Because you know, so because that also speaks to personal strategy. Like I I I I know that I can be let down once and I'll be disappointed, let down a second time and I'm probably heartbroken, but let down, let me down a third time and that's it. For me, then it's over. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

So you so you're three strikes out.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

That's that's my personal strategy, and I've seen it evolve over my life.

unknown 10:44

Okay.

Can Broken Trust Be Rebuilt

SPEAKER_01 10:45

And I was the librarian to go back if there's any examples, not now, but some examples. Let's unpack that a little bit later and actually get give some examples. So give me a hard give me the hard truth. Can broken trust actually be rebuilt? Or is it just something that therapists tell people to keep coming to keep coming back?

SPEAKER_02 11:05

I I don't think that there is one answer for everybody to that.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

I I I really don't.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

So hard truth for you then. Do you think trust can be rebuilt? Very much so, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

Yeah, it it may take time and it takes a lot of proof, but I do think that trust can be rebuilt. I think And and why and why wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_01 11:25

I I think I think I think you've hit uh the word that you use there, it may take time. Yeah. Um depending on the relationship that you have and the context that we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Absolutely, and depending on on on what it is that's broken the trust. Yeah. Um you know, so so so so we're on on scales, you know, if you're talking about 10 where where you've um taken absolutely everything from me, for example, then I have no need to come back to trust you because that's it. What do you mean? Sorry, say that again. Like if um, I don't know, if you're um in a relationship with somebody who is such a fraud that he steals from you, or she steals from you. Again and again and again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

So it erodes that trust.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

Yeah. And then, you know, then then there's no going back. Like, why would you go back to somebody like that?

SPEAKER_01 12:16

For me. Yeah, on a personal okay, so that's on a more personal of an in a in a business context, has that happened to you, or is there something that's well there because there's certain clients that I won't work with? Like there's just like it's either a feeling or they have let me down, either by non-payment. Yeah. So I'll never work with them again. I don't care how much they are worth to you.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

And that's a one-strike thing. It's a one-strike thing. Because if they didn't pay you once before, who's to say that they're who's to say that's the word again.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Okay. So it's interesting, yeah, but it's harder than building it fresh, I think. Rebuilding the trust once you've been hurt, once you've been, you know, what's it once bitten twice shy?

SPEAKER_02 12:57

And also, you know, a lot of people trust immediately, and other people need proof, validation trust. Yeah. So once again, we're we're talking about really different strategies here. And if you think about how our personalities are broken down, and you and I have some in insight into that when we did neurolinguistic programming, we have years ago, we have these strategies for how we build relationships, how we fall in and out of love, how we but also how to improve those strategies.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

So if something's not working, how to actually deconstruct what happened and put new better strategies in place. So the formula for me, or or that I came up with is it's like you you acknowledge the specific harm, i.e. the trust being broken, plus you demonstrate the changed behavior consistently over time, which was what you were talking about. Plus, you accept it might take three to five times longer, talking about the time factor, yeah, to re to rebuild than it took to break. So there's no shortcuts. It's not like just trust me.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

So those are such easy words.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah, and they're flippant. And I think they used to be a little bit more than a few.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Yeah, I mean, how often do we say, no, seriously, trust me on this? I know what I'm talking about.

Five Practical Tools For Trust

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Exactly, exactly. Okay, cool. I appreciate, I really appreciate that. So I have some tools that I have searched and researched um over the time, and I think it's worth going over them so that even for you and me to have some practical tools for the audience and for us to take away. So um in how to build up trust. How to build up trust. And this can work either with as a parent, as a client, in your relationships, whatever it it takes. Look, you have to take the action. I mean, you actually have to do the work. But let's go through it. So But can I just stop you?

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Because of course you can always stop me. All three of those examples as a parent, as a partner, and as as as a client or in a business sense, all three of those in their own way have different building blocks of trust.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Um, you know, like children, and and I'm talking about, you know, normal kind of stable homes, um, children implicitly trust their parents.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

And when that's the first set of role models or the first set of what that trust, of what trust actually even looks like, because you are the primary caregiver.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Yeah. And when trust is broken at that level by a parent who who repeatedly uh who repeats a certain behavior that is hurtful, what happens to that tri child's instinct for trust?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Well, it's bullying a strategy, remember, because it doesn't have a reference for what it's not supposed to be like. Yeah. So it has to experience something other than what you it's experienced through its through the the the parental model. In order for it to make a differentiation to go, okay, that is not right.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

But the child a child doesn't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Correct. So it's a fascinating discussion.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

And so, yeah, as as this child emerges into adulthood, uh it yes, you as the adult have to learn strategies.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Yeah, I mean, we're going down a rabbit hole, yeah. But I mean, the very first breaking of trust is rejection. You know, I cry, my mom comes as a child. I cry, my mom comes, I cry, my mom comes, I cry, my mom doesn't come. What does that do physically? What does that do emotionally and mentally? It's the first ver it's the first real breaking of trust. I trust that you'll be there all the time. And when you're not, that's where growth maybe happens. But that may be a discussion for another time. Okay, so should we go back to the tools? Okay, okay, cool. So, yeah, a couple of tools that that that I come up with. Work with me or don't work with me, but some of them will work, some of them won't. So the first one is the expectation audit. Okay, and very simply, it's you sit down with anyone that you want to build trust with. Yeah. Okay, now some the this might sound a bit naff, but sometimes you have to almost break it down and and do these regressions in order to progress. Okay. So sit down with anyone that you want to build trust with, and then each person literally writes down in this relationship, I expect you to. Okay?

SPEAKER_02 17:16

And that's easy to do in a in a romantic relationship.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

It's five or ten points.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

It doesn't have to be a whole and in a business relationship, you cloak that differently. Correct. You could word it differently. So in our in our business, we give a client a brief and say, based on the conversation we have, these are the ten things that you expect of me.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

And this is what I expect of you.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

Yes, and in order to fulfill those things, this is your your contract in this.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

So then you compare the lists, obviously. Yeah. Okay. And you'll find that 70% of trust issues are invisible expectation mismatches. Now, what do I mean by that?

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Are invisible expectation mismatches. So you thought X and I delivered Y. Why?

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Correct. Okay. But I'm still delivering on the expectation, but there's a mismatch. So you've got to be very clear about what you're asking for and what your expectations are. You're delivering your version. Yeah. And and I recommend that we do this in the next 48 hours with one important person. So you're it after this. Hell's Bills. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

That'll be fun.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

So that's the expectation audit. So number two, the trust equation. So we make it visible. Okay. So trust.

Expectation Audit In Real Life

SPEAKER_02 18:24

So can I can I go back to that step? Because I feel like you've you've you've skimmed over that. So what if um what if somebody is in a relationship where um you you haven't done that? And you so you haven't done this upfront first step. What did you call it? The expectation audit. The expectation audit. Um and and the person has let you down.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Personally, I would look at that list and then and then and then um I'd have a conversation of going, okay, cool. If the if we are going to move forward in the relationship, I expected this of you. You didn't deliver on that. How are you going to change? Or what other expectation or how do I change my expectation of you? So have a conversation. So I think it opens up conversation. And let's do a very basic example. I expect you to you expect me to take out the trash. Let's just be let's just be generic about it. That's very safe. Yes. You expect me to take out the trash. How often do you expect me to take out the trash? When the dustman's full, when the dustman's half full, whatever the case is. I will do it, but what are the specific expectations of you? Okay. And if I don't do it, would you do it for me or will you let it slide or whatever the case is?

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Yes, because then there's then so so once again there are all of these dynamics that come into this because then you have the person who is, you know, in the traditional sense, an A-type kind of personality who who who understands what they want.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

And you said you would do X.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Yes, but also things that they can, you know, do every much like me. I think I can do everything better and I could just do it on my own.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

So let's put you to let's put it to the test. What is one expectation that you have of me? Right now. Um calls for vulnerability, Bridget.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

I no, because I don't really know how this is going to go down for you.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

But let's try. We're open. I mean, this I could take this out.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

So I expect that you will provide for us because that's what you said you would do.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Financially.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Yeah. Um and what's what will happen if that if out if that expectation doesn't get met?

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Yeah, that's that's what I I guess um I am in the process of coming to terms with.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

And how long do I have? And it's not something you have to answer. I mean it's this is a I I I don't know. I'm I am uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment when you say that, because I do want to provide for my family. And that's what you keep telling me. And so you have created an expectation. And if I can't, and if I say to you I can't provide for the family at the moment, um Which I can't. I I'm I'm doing the work, but nothing's coming back. Yeah, no, January's been a very quiet business month.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Uh December and January, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

No, which scares me because it also speaks to self-worth, it speaks to self-esteem, it speaks to self-confidence. It's like, what the actual fuck am I doing? Like, what more do I have to do? And what are the consequences of that? Which is mismatched expectations. Are you gonna leave me? Well, are you gonna shout at me? Are you gonna uh Do you want consequences? Or do we just carry on? So it goes a little bit deeper than that, where you kind of know the context of what I have been through. You may or may not do things differently to to what I'm doing, but I think you are witness to that I am trying. So it needs a little bit more exploration, and maybe we can continue this off camera. Yeah, maybe Like to continue this off camera because I think it'll align us more going forward.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Well, look, I'd like right now I definitely don't want to leave you because I enjoy sitting in a podcast studio with you. And also you take out the trash, which I really don't like doing because you don't have a sense of smell.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

And you're a really good cook.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

You really are. Should we move on?

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Let's move on.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Okay, this one's a little bit um wordy, but I'm gonna go through it. The trust equation. I'm not good at math, but I'm gonna work it out. Okay, so make it visible. So trust, which equals credibility, reality. Thank you. Credibility, reliability, and intimacy divided by self-orientation. Perfect. So how this works is you score yourself one to ten in each area for a specific relationship. Okay, so whether that's your daughter, your husband, or a or a client. Okay. Your lowest score is where trust breaks. So this is remember this is a trust equation. Okay. So if self-orientation, what's in it for me, is high, nothing else matters. Okay. Okay. And the implement implementation of that is you rate yourself weekly for 30 days and you track the changes. So a practical example of this is. Yes, yes. The lowest score for me in a relationship with in with you is that if you s if you stop talking to me, that would be the lowest. Okay. Okay. Yeah. What's in it for me is that I need the feedback from you. You do. You need the validation. You need validation. And the intimacy, i.e., the touch or the reference.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

That's the validation for me. That's the self-orientation piece. Yeah. If that is low, there's nothing in it for me. So trust breaks. Does that make sense? So I'll go back to the equations.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

I don't understand how it breaks trust though.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Because it's not, it's my self-orientation, my self-orientation of what's in it for me, there is I'm not getting what I what I need. And you can flip it around if you go back to the if you go back to the the very platonic, easy one of the trash taking us. What's in it for you, for me taking out the trash, the house is clean, and you don't have and it's something that you don't have to worry about. If I don't take out the trash, what's in it for you? It breaks down trust because the house starts smelling and things pile up and you I'm a lazy shit. Yeah. Okay. I know that's a generalization, but you understand. Sort of, yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a tricky one to get through.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yeah, because it's it sounds um very um technical. Yeah.

Small Promises Kept Religiously

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Okay. But it has its merits. Yeah, sure. This is a list of a few. I've got I've got three more. So should we move on to the next one? Yeah, sure. Okay. So the the next one, which is small promises, but you keep them religiously. Small promises kept religiously. Okay. So stop making big promises that you're 80% sure that you'll keep. Rather, make tiny promises that you're 100% sure that you'll keep. And I'll give you a perfect example. I'll text you by 3 p.m.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

And then I'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Okay? Yeah. So trust is built in sort of millimeters. Incremental steps, yeah. Not kilometers. Yeah. It's these incremental, slow little burn pieces that make up trust and build trust. Okay. So the implementation of this little piece of Small Promises Kept Religiously is this week, make only promises. You'd bet$1,000 you'd keep.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

So I laughed because we all made a promise just before February dawned that we were going to do this 2,000 push-ups in February challenge.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

And it's now the 5th of February. Funny enough. And it starts on the 5th of February. So we haven't broken a promise.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

But I was thinking about it this morning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

So that's a perfect example of small promises kept religiously. Yeah. You know, but there's other layers to this about can I do a push-up? Are we going to commit to something? Yeah, I know, but I'm saying stop about the push-ups. Just have to. No, but that's an example. Yes, that's an example. Okay. So I can't 100% say that I'll keep it up. Because it's it doesn't But then why did you promise? Yeah, to keep the peace. Which isn't No, no, no, but listen.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

I would rather not have peace and have honesty. If I said to you no, I'm not going to do it. Then I would have had to deal with that. It's your choice.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Yeah. Do you want me to do push-ups now? No, but it's a valid point. It's a valid point. It's it's something worth it's we're talking about trust. Correct. Are you going to do it? I don't think I will follow through for the whole month of February. I'll do push-ups, but I'm not going to do 2,000 or whatever the thing is. By the end of Feb. That's a lot of push-ups.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

But but I just want to go back to something because I think that that's quite instrumental. You agree to something because you don't want to let somebody down.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Correct. I'm 80% sure that I'll do it. Not 100%.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

So is that easier when you're in a relationship with somebody and you can explain your way out of it? Because you don't do that with clients.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Never.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Never.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Which Okay, so so we go back to what I was saying at the beginning. We have different strategies for everything. So how we treat our relationships versus how we treat our clients. So we will never make a promise to a client that you can't 100% keep.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Because why? Because your client right now is a meal ticket. So why what makes it any different to a partner? Because a partner, you can like, hey Jose, I splain my way out of this. You know?

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I see where the daughter picks up the strategy. But it's an interesting question because the vulnerability is. You know what?

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Because you I know you know that I'm not just gonna leave you. How do I know that? Uh yeah, I I hear what you're saying. You know I'm not gonna leave you. But I would rather that you were always honest and disappoint me. Yes. And you know, rather than make these promises and then not do it. Because slowly and incrementally, that is millimeter by millimeter. Exactly, it breaks down trust. So, how often are we doing that in our marriages and in our friendships? Because we think that the person will just always accept us, never leave us.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

So I'm paraphrasing here, but Esther Perel has says that beautifully about you give 100% to your clients and to people outside your relationships, and the partner or the person in your life gets the scraps. Like, why do we do that? Like, why don't I give Because you can. Because you can.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

But then then Okay, well then I'm out of ya. I'm packing my bags, I'm out of ya. Now you can't anymore. But I'm not gonna do that because you love me. I love you, and sometimes I even like you. I like this house, so I don't want to leave it. I don't want Kenzie to come from a broken home, etc. etc. etc.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

But it's a fascinating topic about like you'll do all for the client.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

Everything for the client. I would never, ever, I would rather go on a cross, be crucified on a cross than let a client down. And and to the best of my knowledge, I don't think I ever, ever have.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Because m my word is, I am my word. But you're you're the same.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yeah, I am the same. But I just I'm just pondering on what's you know that's that like why do I get like I said, because you can.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

And with a client, because you can't. Because a client won't pay you.

The Repair Protocol That Works

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Number four. Correct, let's go. The repair protocol.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

Oh, well, this is interesting.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

From when you screw up. Yeah. So name what you did specifically. I said I'd deliver by Friday and didn't. So we acknowledge the impact. Yeah. So that probably made you feel dot dot. Disappointed, let down. No but or justifications. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

Because that's one thing that we uh do very well.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Very well.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Because I don't think any of us like to take responsibility. We don't like to be at fault. We don't like somebody. Yes, but and and why? Because we like to be liked.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

And we fear rejection.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

Correct. So it's not because we're bad people.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

No, not at all. And life happens. Anyway, so state what changes. Here's what I'm doing differently, or here's what I'm going to do differently. And then the implementation of that is very simple is use the exact structure next time you break a commitment. So what we're going through here. Okay. So yeah, I mean, you know, for me, that talks about accountability of like I fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Yeah.

Vulnerability In Measured Doses

SPEAKER_01 31:05

I'm sorry. Um I actually don't have an excuse. I was lazy or whatever, but don't make pictures. Or I overpromised. I overpromised and I underdelivered. Okay. Or you know, if life ex circum life circumstances happen, but it's about communication, it's about talking. And that again goes personal life or with clients. Okay, last one. Vulnerability in small doses. Okay, so share one small thing that's hard to share. No trauma dumping, it's calibrated disclosure. Okay. So I'm actually nervous about this. Or I made this mistake once. Create intimacy, which is one-third of the trust equation. Remember, you go back to the trust equation. Trust equals credibility plus reliability plus intimacy, less your self-orientation or self-awareness. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

But do you want to be vulnerable in front of clients and go, oh, I haven't done this before?

SPEAKER_01 32:02

I think part of the relationship building, but it depends, you've got to weigh up who your client is and what's what that looks like. Like I said, creates the intimacy, which is the third of the trust equation. And the implementation of this is share one genuine uncertainty this week with someone you're building trust with. Okay, so I mean, in my my world, there's a potential client that's coming on board that we've started a conversation with. I need to be vulnerable enough to say that I'm uncertain. And there are a few things that I'm uncertain about. I need to maybe share that with them so that they know that that is a concern of mine in order for us to move forward so that it doesn't happen, so we can set up those little conversation pieces and the expectations are met both ways, so there's no mismatched expectations.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

And here, while you're talking, I've just I've just had a thought. I do. It's the content that you are filming that is that is quite new to you. Sure. And so and so that's where you're able to be vulnerable and say, I haven't done this before, or whatever. And and and the person has shared their vulnerabilities with you.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

And so together you can say, actually, then we'll just have to feel each other out.

From Personal To Business Trust

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Yeah. The contrarian insight to all of this is that most people try to build trust by being impressive. All right. So that builds respect, maybe admiration, but trust is built by being consistent in small things and vulnerable in specific ways. Okay, so those are the five tools that you can use immediately. I'll just run through the them again the expectation audit, the trust equation, the small promises kept religiously, the repair protocol, and then the vulnerability in small doses. Okay, so I think those are very practical tools that we can implement in our lives, not in 48 hours' time, but now do it after the show. You know. So with that in mind, what I did was I um I took that and within our business, which is you know a videography marketing business. So this is kind of part two of this podcast, but I think it's important because what I've realized over the last well, it's been for the last while, but definitely since we are try are building something, we are doing it, is trust building for our business. And so small promises, but public delivery. So this is in the context of what I have been seeing and why I keep going back to those creators on social media platforms or the podcasts or the people that I respect and trust in the world. You obviously being a big person that I trust, I bounce pretty much everything off you. And the reason I do that is because I trust your opinion. I trust your because I'm clever. You your insight most times. Most times. That's mismatched expectation right there. But we do, we do not so clever. We do have 26 years of this. Yeah, we've been we've been we've been through a lot. Um, there are podcasts that I listen to a lot. There are social media people that I you know that I that I follow, and I'm asking myself, why do I go through them? So, one of the things that I'd like to do, and I mean this is an education piece for me, and it's also an implementation of taking action. Because I think what you and I have realized is that we are very good at talking about stuff, then coming back to the beginning of the year, the motivation is there to build something and to do something, but the discipline is what kicks it into another gear because when the motivation isn't there is to have the discipline to follow through. Yeah, we speak about this a lot, um, and it's something that I'm being vulnerable now that I'm guilty of not doing. So, for example, you know, like this podcast, for example, I should have filmed the behind the scenes of the little setup that we've done. I've got added an extra camera. Um, so like posting behind the scenes stuff from the shoe today.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

You know, I haven't done that.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

So that's I've let myself down. So I'm breaking my own trust there, which I can't mere cooper myself for it. I've just got to go, okay, cool. Remember the next time, those millimeter increments of building trust with myself and with my audience. Okay. And then if I if I if I'm posting a reel, then be consistent with it. And it's not, I'm not saying that I'm gonna do three a day, but even if it's just at least once a week, I've have funny enough try to implement that on LinkedIn. Where I've actually put a note in my calendar every Tuesday at 10 o'clock to write a post and to post it. Oh, brilliant. Um, and I want to continue that until until the cows come home. Until the cows come home. Okay. So I'm just gonna run through these headings. We don't have to go through the whole thing. So there's small promises, public delivery, like post behind the scenes. There's show your mistakes. So it's calibrated vulnerability. What I mean by that is like I took this picture, I cocked it up because I didn't put the flash on the camera. Yeah. So it's quite dark. So I had to go into Lightroom and lift the shadows and play around with it. But I could have done a better job. But that is some of my failures. It's not all just perfect, polished stuff. I'm not just going to show you all my my perfection. Perfection. Okay. Then there's client expectation management, which is public. So this is like when you create content. Well, I need to create content. What's it actually, what do you actually, what do you expect when you hire a videographer? What does that even mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? Um, and something that that I take for granted because I've been doing this for so long, is I'm realizing that when you say you need a videographer, they don't necessarily clients don't necessarily know what that actually means. So, you know, we have a chat, we get in front of camera, we'll record your story or your brand or your whatever the case is, then we edit it, there's a revision, and then you put it on your website or your social feed or whatever the case is. Like that's all natural for you and me, but for some clients, they've just got no clue. So we need to solve that problem.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Okay, so I want to be that problem solver. Yeah. Um, demonstrate the process. Yeah. You know, what it is, the setup of the podcast, the lights, the camera, the audio, you know, you looking stunning. I just rock up and try and look as good as I possibly can.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

And I think that that's important because sometimes that becomes an education piece for somebody else.

Building Trust As Creators

SPEAKER_01 38:48

And authenticity and like there's a human being behind this, you know. Yeah. Um, it's not for everyone, but I think it's important in terms of building trust as a videography business and marketing business. So microcommitments that convert. So, for example, the people that do make a comment or share a like or or share, just thank them. Yeah, absolutely. Just acknowledgement. Just acknowledgement of like I appreciate you being here. Social proof with specific specific specific specificity. Specificity. Say that three times. Social proof with specificity. So, not great working with Sarah, but more kind of Sarah needed her corporate video in five days for a board meeting. We delivered in four, and this is how we did it.

SPEAKER_02 39:31

I see what you mean. Okay. No, sorry, you threw me when you said it wasn't great working for Sarah.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Yeah, sorry, so social proof with specificity.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

Yes. So don't just say great working with X, Y, Z. Say she was great because she did this, and and this is what what flowed, and this is how we were able to achieve the goal.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

The specificity is the credibility meeting the tight deadline equals reliability.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

And and also if if you're she was great. That's actually just laziness. It's vacuous. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

It's vacuous.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Yeah, and nobody even reads that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Exactly. So lower self-orientation publicly. So share values with zero ask. Wait, sorry, say that again. Lower self-orientation publicly. So share value with zero ask. Here's how to get a better phone video for your business, even if you never hire me. Just bring down the contrast on your phone. Hold your yeah. So what I'm saying. Why don't you do that? Exactly. So answer me, why don't you? I I I don't know because it's been done. So I'm a bit lazy in that regard. But I need this is a mirror looking back at me. Okay. Recommend competitors for jobs that you can't take. Trust equation again is your self-orient orientation drops, your trust skyrockets. Yeah. So agreed. Share the knowledge. And that's what I'm this that's what I'm trying to do here. I think we're trying to do that. Because also there's a man for every job. Correct. There's the pie is big enough.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

100%. So you don't need to keep it closed.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

The pie is big enough. Okay. So I'm gonna end with this. Yep. And then um are these some more wise words? These are very wise words. Okay. So here's what we forget: no one wakes up wanting to hire a photographer. They wake up with a problem. So a wedding that needs to be remembered, a business story that needs to be told, a moment that's slipping away. You're not selling camera skills, you're selling the end of worry. And worry ends where trust begins. Trust begins when you show up. Not perfectly, but consistently.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

Good ending, like that. Thank you, Louie.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

I hope this added some value to you and to you. Um Yeah, I think I've I think I've um opened myself up to taking some big action steps and getting a system in place that I can actually, you know, carry on building this. Because it's we're starting.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

And we can do we can do this more. So as a as the first one, thank you for listening. Please, if you have any comments, just give us a thumbs up. I don't mind if you say it was crap, it was good or whatever the case is. Um, I know this will mean something to someone, so share it, like it, don't like it, leave a comment, and we'll see you in the next one. And remember to be a little bit more kinder to those around you and kinder to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Thanks. Can I ask you a question?

SPEAKER_01 42:42

That's a wrap for today on the Bolton Ink Effect Podcast. The world doesn't need more noise, it needs bold voices, real stories, and people willing to show up. So if something here sparked an idea, made you rethink the rules, or reminded you that you're not alone on this journey, don't keep it to yourself. Share it. Talk about it, better yet, take action. Because at the end of the day, it's not about waiting for permission, it's about showing up, doing the work, and making something that matters. Thanks for being here. Now go build, create, and keep pushing forward. We'll see you next time.